{January 31, 2015}   Nightmares & Don’t Die Here

Yesterday my big boy got up really upset and started crying when we started talking. He said he had a nightmare. He said grandpa was a ghost and he stole his van with him and his brother and sisters in it and kidnapped them. He said he took them to what looked like the library but it was dark. He let them go.

I said maybe he was just pulling a trick on mommy and trying to do something fun with you all. He said no was still really upset. I told him that ghost can’t drive cars and that grandpa would never kidnap him or the or the other kids. He said well they can if they haunt the car and take it over and what if grandpa haunted his van? I told him grandpa wasn’t going to do that and that people that love us and care about us don’t come back to haunt us when they die. He was having no part of that.

I told him that grandpa might be coming to stay with us and he said can’t we just go see him. He didn’t want him to stay with us. I asked him why he said he didn’t want him to die here. I told him it would be ok and that he wouldn’t stay here once he passed they would pick him up and do what needed to be done with him. He was talking about that what they do with you and all. I told him they take you to be barred or cremated or put in the mausoleum. He was asking what all that meant and why people wanted to do different stuff. He said he didn’t want to be melted to death so he didn’t want to be cremated. I told him he would already passed away he wouldn’t be alive if they did it but he didn’t have to do it. Then he said he didn’t want to be in the ground so he guess they could just stick him beside the wall. I told him they didn’t stick you beside the wall they put you in it. He looked so unsure then. I told him he didn’t have to worry about it right now he had a while to think about it learn more and decide.

He still says he don’t want grandpa to come here and to die here. I told him he needed to be taken care of and that he maybe coming here that it wouldn’t change anything if he was to die here. I told him even if he did he wouldn’t be a ghost his soul would go to heaven. That once you die it’s just your body there. I showed him his brothers stuffed bare and told him it was just like that just a body nothing else. He just said he knew but he still didn’t like the idea of him dying here that he would rather just go see him.

I guess that will be something we have to deal with if he ends up coming here to stay so that we can take care of him. I will just have to deal with that when it happens. I can only do so much and some things are just a part of life.

My kids have never really dealt with someone close to them dying or being sick and having to be taken care of. They have never been to a funeral or anything like that. So they have no idea what to expect. Unfortunately for them it is at such a young age. I went to my first funeral and dealt with the loss of someone close or I knew at 18. It just snowballed from there over the next 3 years. The last 12 or so have been good for family and close friends. So this is all so new and scary for them.

{July 15, 2013}   Not Good Not Bad

When my daughter was about 1 1/2 we moved into an apartment just the 4 of us. We had always had a roommate but we had my girl and was pregnant with our 2nd. It wasn’t feasible to have a roommate and I was ready to have my own space.  Our apartment was different than any of the other 23 there. We had a really big living dinning space and the kitchen was closed off by itself and very small. They said the two apartments right there use to be open to one big apartment years before. We didn’t have living room furniture we had to wait a few weeks for our tax money to buy some stuff. We wanted to buy new since it was our first place and we had the kids. We wanted to make sure it was clean and that it would last a while. I knew if we bought it new I would keep it forever before we got something else. I was on bed rest and had no one to watch my daughter so we put our bed in the living room when we first moved in. We didn’t have people over any way. We had to get settled and things and it was slow going since I wasn’t able to do much and he worked full time. This way all the boxes and things could be closed in the bedroom and the other rooms could be closed off so that my daughter had to stay in the living room with me in the day time. She could lay down there and take a nap with me since I couldn’t pick her up in and out of the crib and things. We had the tv set up so we could watch that.

After we had been there for a week or so I started noticing something at night. It would feel like someone was there or had been there. The feel in the room would change hard to explain. Then it started to feel like someone was walking around or standing back looking around looking for something. after a few nights of this I looked up one night and there was a man standing by the kitchen. He was an older white haired man all dressed like he was going on a trip. He had a little case with him and wore a hate. He was dressed pretty nice and in a long nice coat. Sometimes he would have his hat off holing it in his hands in front of him sometimes he would have it on. You could tell he was looking for something. I seen him a few times in the hall way. He would just stand looking into the rooms that were open. After a bit he would look a little sad and just go a way. If he had his hat off he would put it back on and get his case that he had sitting beside him.

I asked the people around and they said that there had been a older man and women who lived in the apartment next to me and that he went to a home and then passed before she did. Then she moved, they didn’t know if she was still alive or not. I always wondered if that wasn’t her husband coming beck looking for her. I don’t know why he would come to my apartment too if he didn’t remember what one was theirs or if had something to do with the fact that they use to be open into one. He hadn’t been when they lived there. But I know like my water heater was attached to who ever lived next to me at that time.

It was another thing I wasn’t scared of him or anything it didn’t really bother me. The only thing that really bother me was when he would stand back and look. Wasn’t like he was just watching or what to see what was going on. It just bother me that feeling you get when someone is looking at you or watching you.

It was just a good thing in the fact that it wasn’t something negative and something that scared me.

The other day I wrote about feeling as if something had happen at different places I have lived  (I Can Just Tell) and seeing different scenario of what I felt had happen there. I decided to write a few post about some of the things I have seen and felt.

One that really stands out and bothered me alot had to do with a child. I think the fact that it had to do with a child and that he was scared is what really bothered me the most about it. It was a house me and my ex lived in with a friend right after we got together. It was a little house and I am guessing pretty old. It sat on the edge of a orange grove. I often wondered if it wasn’t an old slave house or something like that. Where it was and as old as it was it not being very well built and what I felt had happen there.

The house was so old the bedroom and closets didn’t have doors. You couldn’t just go to the store and buy a door to use I later found out. I had to get a door for it. I had to either buy a door and cut it up to make it fit or make one from scratch. We cut one down to make it fit. From the time we moved in the closet bothered me. I didn’t like it being open and I felt like someone was sitting in there crouched down looking out and watching me all the time. Other places I had always slept with doors open and things it didn’t bother me. I had ex take some kind of thing and hang up there to cover it up. It bothered me to try and get dressed in there or just watch tv much less sleep. I just couldn’t.

In my mind I could see a little boy sitting with his back against the wall with his knees up in front of his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his head resting on them watching what was going on in the room. He just had on like a pair overalls or jeans no shirt. It was like there was a fight going on he was hoping not to be seen. I don’t think he was seen he may have been and just left. But there was then a fire and he didn’t make it out of that closet and that was where he has been trapped every since. It was like who ever must have fixed things and rebuilt what had been damaged since the house was still there. I was also very odd because I could be laying there at night when everyone was sleeping or gone and hear things over my head in the other room. Like there was a fight or part going on on the other side of the wall in the living room. A few times I though the tv or game got left on. I got up to look and there was nothing. Later my ex said why I was at work he was in the shower and when he got out he heard talking coming from in there. He thought I got a ride home early and was there with someone. He came out and there was no one there and everything just as it was when he had gotten in the shower.

Another friend of mine had lived there with our fiend before I moved in. He moved out and our friend needed a roommate thats how I ended up there. One night me and him and ex were hanging out and I thought about it. I looked at him and said hey bob you stayed there in that house in that room for years didn’t you? He said yeah why? I said did you notice anything about that room and he looked at me funny and said oh you mean the little boy? I wasn’t to surprised my ex I think turned white because he didn’t know what to think when I first told him. He never noticed it. Bob said yeah at first I thought it was my brother who passed a way when we were kids but then I relised it wasn’t. He is hiding from something and scared. He didn’t know what to think of it either. I lived there just about a year and after a while it was like it went a way. The thing we had hung fell down and it didn’t bother me that it was down. I didn’t put it back up for a long time. The last month or two that I was there I had gotten into a big fight with my roommate and then my landlord his aunt came over and we got into it a few times. I told them I was moving but I was paid til the end of the month and I was staying until then so i could find a place to go. They wanted me out right then. When all that happen and we were all fighting there wasn’t peace in the house the little boy came back again and was watching. I had to put the thing back up until I moved.

et cetera
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