{September 17, 2018}   Work Truck is Back

So today Bff had a birthday party for the baby. I was early she was on her way home so me and the kids rode around a little. I went by father of the years house on my way to bff’s house. They are just a few blocks apart. As we came up I noticed his truck was gone but the work truck was there. Any other time it is gone and his is there.

I am wondering if he had to give the other truck back since he wasn’t taking that much home a week. It sure is sad when all you have left after rent, child support and your truck is paid for the month is $800. NOT!! Don’t feel bad for him at all. But it really in the end still is more in his favor than buying the other. Now he isn’t making a truck payment, car insurance payment, paying wear and tear parts, and probably not gas either. But I also know he can’t stand it that he don’t have his own vehicle. He was so mad when he was running work trucks all the time and never drove his own but had to get rid of it. When it was gone he flipped out he never be able to get another blah blah. But then got one and turned around and gave it away for $500 and hasn’t been able to get one since.

Oh well what goes around comes around. He deserves everything he gets and then some.

{May 13, 2017}   House For Sale

I have been so busy that I have not even noticed that the house behind me where the creepy guy lived is up for sale. I was talking to my sister on the phone and heard something outside. I peeked out the blind to see what was going on and seen the sign in the yard. I was surprised they have only been there for two years this past Jan/Feb. I only know that because they moved in as I was going through everything with my dad and caused problems all around us the first few months with calling code enforcement and the cops on anything that they seen. My truck had broke down and was in my driveway I didn’t have time to mess with it with my dad being sick, I just drove his van and left it for later he complained on me. It’s him his wife and their teen age son that goes to the local high school. He is the one that was watching me in the store and things until I left and went back once they were gone. I know he owns other houses but not right here they are across the main road down the street in an area that isn’t quite as nice as here, the houses are a lot older and a lot of drugs and crime. Now I am wondering why he would just move out of this one like that and not rent it out like he does the others if he found somewhere else to go? I don’t know maybe it is for rent but it don’t look like it. I just hope that whoever moves in aren’t asses or creepy like he was.

I just found it interesting that I had not even seen it up for sale when I drive by it all the time, thinking about it I have not been seeing them go by lately either so who knows how if they are still in it or if they are gone and how long they been gone. Oh well no loss here.

{April 29, 2017}   ex:Best Friend

Well I didn’t get to write last night I fell a sleep after hardly sleeping for a week with all that has went on. I guess it was Friday my friend Wanda came over and moved in. I think I wrote a while back about her coming to stay with me I was going to help her with getting a job, car and things like that and she was going to help me watch the kids why I was in school and working as well. If not that was the plan for the summer. She was even talking about wanting to move away with us next year when we went. It would work for us both and help us both get things we needed done.

Well last week or the week I think it was my mom messaged me and ask me if I knew that Father of the Year was talking to Wanda? She does not know that she was planing to come stay here or anything like that. I told her yes they were just friends. She said I better watch and that she knew what happen with another friend of ours and him talking. But that was the friend that introduced us to each other. With her she was doing it behind my back after I told her not to. I knew that Wanda was, they both told me they were. I did say I didn’t care who they were friends with they are adults. But I also told him because he said he liked her that, the two of them were looking for different things and that she was my friend and it was not right for him to go there with her and go any farther than friends. Me and her talked about it after that she was laughing at him and talking about how he was and the shit he was saying he told him she was my friend it wasn’t right and shit and he told her I said it was fine. She said no it is one thing to be friends but another to be more than that. Just yesterday or the day before we were talking about how he tried to talk to another friend of mine and she was pissed he even thought she would do that because me and her were friends and things. That it just wasn’t something you do. She said the same thing.

The other night he came over here and he was all shitty didn’t say anything to me or anything to her flopped down on the chair outside where we were sitting. He was texting away on his phone. I ask who he was talking to at like 2 am he got all pissed off said no one. Then he said other shit we got in a big fight. I told him this was my house he wasn’t coming in my house talking to me like that and shit. Then he looked at me in a way I had never seen him look at me or anyone fire in his eyes like he was about to reach over and rip my head off. Then he looked back down when he seen I was looking at him. Then he tilted his head to the side and did the same thing to her.

Today he came took the kids to school and was supposed to come back he wanted me to help him do some things and he was supposed help me with the beds in the boys room. He didn’t come back, he didn’t answer and he hadn’t brought me money. I called he finally answered told me he was a few miles up the road looking for something. I ask what nothing, he kept saying. Then he said I am just driving around. I said you are looking for something you just said it. Then it was a friends house, but he couldn’t find it. I said no your not why not just call him see where it is? He said he didn’t have his number anymore he needed to talk to him about somethings. I told him he needed to bring my my money right away he was right here and still didn’t offer to bring it to me, that I needed it and wasn’t going to beg for it and the kids room needed done. We were on the phone he said he was by my house getting money at the ATM.

I asked him how much from last week he had because he just picked it up from my sister and my mom said she thought he got more than he was supposed to from her. He said he got the right amount that he was $100 short. I ask him where a $100 went in two days? He got all pissed off and started yelling and screaming at me while he was in the store. Then telling me I’m not on drugs, I don’t use anything and your just trying to destroy me and you just want me to kill myself I know you do. I said I don’t know what your talking about I never said anything about you using drugs or killing yourself. Yes you did to everyone you tell everyone that. I never said he was doing drugs or I thought he was but I have had about 4 or 5 people tell me they thought he was and ask me if I knew if he was. Then he finally shows up here all nasty and shit to give me the money.

He started again about the way things are, I said when you walk up in my house talking to me like this, when you walk up in my house and look at me the way you do like you just want to snap my head off, when you are sitting on the other side of the door and I have text you and sent you other messages just asking a question and you ignore me I guess then yes I am going to get pissed off and say something. I told him this is my house, I am not scared of him and that when he is at my house he isn’t going to walk around here in a shitty mood, ranting, talking to himself, giving me dirty looks and talking to everyone any old way he wants. He will have respect or he will not be here. I said just like the other night when you came in here and sat down I just ask who you were talking to so late. He ask me anytime i touch my phone or it goes off when he is here who is that who are you talking to who are you seeing. I said you are always accusing me of seeing someone and I am not and I have not problem telling you who it is. I don’t have to shouldn’t have to but I don’t hide shit. I couldn’t tell you I have to keep their personal information private it was a private conversation. I said I didn’t ask you what you were talking about or anything just who. How is that telling their personal business? Maybe that wasn’t the best way to put it I have to protect them. I said again protect them from what? Just giving me a name isn’t nothing. I ask him what are you hiding? Nothing he kept saying. Then he said it is someone I like I am close to I really care about. I said okay and you still can’t tell her name because you care about them? I said so that is some relationship isn’t it I like them they like me but I can’t tell anyone her name or we are together? What since does that make none? I said so what are you hiding because I am not stupid? He looked like he was a kid in trouble for something and about to cry and said Wanda!!! I said tell her to come out here, he went to the door and open it ask her to come outside. She was saying something I don’t know what, then he came out I said something else to him was waiting on her to come out she didn’t. In a minute or two I said where is she? He said I don’t know I told her you wanted her to come outside she didn’t really want to. I said you better tell her to come out here now. He went back to the door was asking her to come out a minute. She was saying something. I said you all think the other night when me and you got in a fight was bad, either one of you haven’t seen nothing yet because if she don’t come out here and I have to go in there it is going to get pretty fucking ugly really fucking fast and not either one of you going to like it. Her ass jumped up and ran out there then sat down in the chair by me. I ask her what happen thought this that and the other yall are just friends he is like a brother to you blah blah bullshit. I said so all this time you have been lying to me laughing behind my back we are just talking. No that isn’t how it is it’s only been a few days we been trying to tell you. I said no you don’t try you could have just done it. I said something to her and she lied I said boy you two are just a like sit and bold face lye for no reason. No I swear I didn’t like him but things changed I tried to tell you. I said this or that the other day, I said no you didn’t say yeah I did things have changed between me and Father of the Year. I said I even ask you the other day straight out you swore no no there is nothing.

She is the one that is sick I have sat at the hospital with, taken and picked up from the hospital, went to see in the hospital, went out of my way to take her food, went out of my way to buy her food even though I didn’t have money to be doing it for. I was so pissed, I said I guess all of it has been a lye using and backstabbing people. They just kept swearing it was not that way and things. I told them they stabbed me in the back and screwed me, Father of the Year said why how did this screw you? I said because we were supposed to help each other this summer, I was going to help her get a job, I was going to help her save money for a car, help her get to work, she was going to watch kids why I worked, why I went to school and now I can’t do any of that because I don’t have the help I need. He had the fucking nerve to tell me it’s okay you can still do that. I said no the fuck we can’t still do that. The fucking bitch can get the fuck out of my house and she better not ever come back here. I told her she needed to fucking get her shit and get out of my house. I asked her where she was going she said she didn’t know she guessed her brothers. I knew that was a lye she can’t go there. I just met her brother a few days ago. Then Father of the Year ask her if she needed a ride she said her brothers. After a little bit they got up she grabbed her shit and they left.

He had his toolbox with tools on my carport here he has never taken, I have told him and told him to and he never did. Why I was going through the tool box I found a big black trash bag on the carport with all his clothes in and around it. I put all the shit in the trash and on the road. Toolbox, tools and all. I know I could have gotten a little money for the stuff but I just wanted the shit out of my house. I took his clothes and put them in the trash cans down under stuff. Tonight I found his boots sitting in here. I looked for them earlier and couldn’t find them. I thought he had taken them, I took them out the kids had put a big box of hay, bedding, shit, food and stuff out of the Guinean pig cage. I took it filled his boots up with the shit and put them down to the bottom of the can and tossed the shit on top of them. I dumped the bag and dumped some on it. I then took what was left most the big box full and dumped it all over the rest of his stuff and pushed it all down in that can. I found some kind of harness out there I have never seen it before so I brought it inside and put it in my closet. I am thinking it is works not his and I don’t want to get rid of something if it is theirs. I am going to call them and ask them and tell them someone besides him needs to come and get it. If either of them come back here I am going to have them both trespassed.

The kids have ask where is Wanda when I picked them up, then they asked tonight where is daddy he was supposed to be here tonight. I just told them that Wanda moved out. I told them I didn’t know where dad was couldn’t get a hold of him. I guess he didn’t go to work already because he didn’t have his shoes to go, he didn’t have his clothes to go, he isn’t charging his phone neither will answer when messaged.

I really I was more pissed off at her than anything to come up in my house to live and do this. To tell me all the time your family not friends, my kids to get close to her and bring her into the family and she done us all this way. My kids loved her, they ask the last two days if she was moving in I said yes. Then the next day to day I find this out. They would come give me a hug and kiss we be sitting in the living-room watching tv at bedtime. they then would go over and give her a hug and go to bed. They looked at her like family as well. I just don’t know I am so pissed. I now have to go buy a door lock because they have a key to my house. I wanted to pound the hell out of her in the yard but I didn’t, I can’t get any charges and still be able to work and things. It wouldn’t have worked anyway.

I also messaged her ex that she has let think she is coming home at some point and let him know that when he goes to court she plans to come over there and kick the door in and get her stuff. She said she lives there gets mail there nothing anyone can do about it. I told him she was not with me anymore I put her and her shit out. He called and ask what was going on I told him she lying back stabbing whatever. He said she with Father of the Year? I said yep and him or her brother will bring her. He said I will whip his ass he will be in the hospital. I said whatever you got to do. I said something about it and all I have done for her and things she do this. He wasn’t surprised but he knew how she is. He told her her shit would be on the porch tomorrow and that he was going to be getting the rest together and anything that was not picked up by Tuesday was going in the trash so no need for her to come in when he not there. She isn’t responding. I had to call my mom tell her he isn’t coming back over there or going to help her like he was supposed to until September. She don’t want to come here I don’t want her to. I don’t know what she is going to do. I don’t know what I am going to do if he don’t pay.

I am going next week to child support enforcement I am telling them he don’t ever take the kids away from my house. I am going to tell them his child support is figured on half of what he really makes. I am also going to tell them that he got a raise and is making $17 to $18 an hour now and that his bills have went down. I am going to tell them I want it taken straight from his check and sent to me too. I am done all the way around with him. this is not right to do to someone who had done so much for you and was still helping you.

{October 24, 2016}   Happy Birthday Daddy

Today would be my dads 62nd birthday if he was still alive. It’s still hard to believe he is gone and that this is the 2nd birthday that has come since he passed. If he was still alive he would come over for dinner and cake, the kids would be so excited they would help cook and bake a cake. Once dinner was done and they had their cake they would drag out the big checker board and take turns playing checkers. That was always mine and my dads game and when he seen the one I had he always played with the kids when he was over. He would have my Little Bitty sitting right next to him or on his lap teaching her how to play already and letting her help him. They would be telling stories about their day and what they did at school and showing him their report cards they will be getting today. He give them a dollar for each of their A’s and B’s. They would be thrilled and tell him how they were going to put it with the rest of their money they have saved. My Big Boy would tell him all about the Tortoise he is saving for and my Little Guy would tell him how he is saving for guinea pigs.

He would stay the night and we would take the kids to school the next day and spend the day hanging out and doing whatever, probably shopping and going out to eat. My dad didn’t like to shop but if he found something he wanted for the kids he couldn’t wait to get it. He would probably want to do some kind of shopping for them even though they don’t need anything. Then to go out to eat because he liked eating out. Then we would pick the kids up and we would drop him off at home or I would drop him off before I picked the kids up depending on where we ended up going during the day.

It is still so hard to believe he is gone. It don’t really get better with time you just get number with time. I had a test and some other things I was going to do today then I seen what the date was and changed everything because I didn’t figure I would feel much like doing anything. I was probably right. I was sitting here doing stuff and started thinking about it about two hours ago and just started crying. Just thinking about how I miss seeing him all the time and his hugs and just spending time with him. Talking to him about things that are going on and having him around to help when I need it. I have branches on a tree out front blocking my driveway right now I need cut. If I can’t get it done myself I am going to have to call someone and pay them to do it. If my dad was here it be done in little bit. I have one of his saws out there he gave Father of The Year that I kept when he left. I knew he just pawn it and lose it, he talked about doing it before when he wanted money. It was my dad’s and he gave it to him to use for things we needed done not to pawn and get money. Besides Father of The Year knows nothing about a saw and would probably end up cutting something off trying to use it. He never been around them or used one.

I am going to try to get them down myself because I think I can stand on the ground and cut them all pretty easily. I won’t mess with them if I have to climb on something with the saw I don’t feel safe doing it, if it comes to that I will call my dads friend that he has known since I was a baby who use to work with my dad and has now open his own company. I know he won’t try to take advantage of me because I “don’t” know any better or something like that. I called him about some work I needed done before and he gave me a fair price. If he isn’t able to get to it then I will see if my yard guy is comfortable doing it, well maybe. I know he would but I don’t know if I am comfortable with him doing it because I have seen him with a saw and I would hate for him to get hurt out here. I probably wouldn’t want him to do it if he had to get up on a ladder or something either thinking about it. Oh well I am not worried about it I am sure I can get someone to do it for me and not try to rip me off. If I think they are god knows I have no problem telling them so and sending them on their way so no worries really.

I guess I am going to try and get some sleep and hope that I can.

{April 10, 2015}   Have My House Back

Father of the year is finally out of the house. He left last night and it has been so much more relaxed and pleasant. Me and the kids went to the doctors for my little guy, stopped picked up a table for my little bitty and went to see my grandma. On the way home we stopped and got my little guys hair cut and went to the store grabbed some things until we go shopping tomorrow. While we we were getting hair cut he stopped by for a second. He has called a few times and text a couple. Wanting to “check” on the kids. Then wants to chat. I just say got to go or don’t answer at all.

We got home the kids did dishes, took out the trash, walked the dogs and made drinks while I made dinner. He called to check in on the kids I answered. He wanted to know what we were doing. I told him what all they were doing he was like really? I said yeah we are getting ready to have dinner. He just kept saying stuff about the kids what they were doing and saying oh that’s good and things. Then he said wow I’m impressed. I didn’t say anything. I wanted to say yeah things are a lot different when your gone and everyone isn’t stressed. I didn’t. Because most the time it is a fight to get them to do anything around here and he is always bitching because they don’t do things or yelling at them for how they do them if they do.

But when it is just me and them they do help more and it isn’t a fight to get them to help most the time. I’m not as stressed and in a better mood they aren’t as stressed because of all the tension in the house.

My little guy keeps saying I’m going to miss daddy, like he is never going to see him again. I keep telling him he is going to see him on his days off and things just like now. Only thing is he just won’t be in and out here all the time or crashing in here at night laying around in the way doing nothing or having fits and going on and on about whatever anyone is doing and talking to his self about stuff all the time.

I woke up this morning about 9 I thought it was odd I had slept later than normal and not gotten up earlier. Most the time I wake up earlier but then don’t get up and go back to sleep. I thought how odd it was the school kids and traffic hadn’t woke me up earlier. I realised it wasn’t them that wake me. I am normally woken up at 5 am by his clock that he never gets up to and then them calling him on his work radio to find out why he isn’t at work past time for him to be there. Then since I have already been woken up two or three times in the last couple hours I am not a sleep that good so I then hear the kids and all that is going on outside why they are on their way to school. Hears to sleeping better.

I just have to get on the ball with everything and find some kind of job so that I can keep everything up and start getting ahead. I still would really like to start a business I just don’t know what kind or where to start. I would love to start a resale store or thrift store. Seems like the easiest to start out with. With a resale I wouldn’t have to worry about getting stuff I put it in and give the people so much of what it sold for rather than having to buy it first. With a thrift store I would have to have some stuff up front and need to buy some stuff as I went a long but would get a lot of donations as well. It’s just having money and credit to rent a space and things.

I have been researching things to do from home again as well. I just don’t know. I really need to figure out something. I filled out a app today to be a parts driver. Everyone keeps saying go to a store of something and cashier. I wouldn’t mind doing that but at the same time I really rather not. Its all hours of the day and night holiday and weekends. At least parts driver they will be closed a lot of holidays and they stop around the time most shops close between 4-6. If you work weekends it be probably half a day Saturday and not on Sunday since most shops are closed Sundays. I am going to call the guy and see if I can set up a time to go talk to him. Then I have my sons appointments that I have to go to as well twice a week. I forgot all about that. I can’t worry about it father of the year is going to have to help get him there part of the time.

{January 7, 2015}   Grounded For The Day

I got up today and was going to go see my dad, get the shopping done and tags for the truck since they are dead. Father of the year took the puppies out since my daughter is with grandma. My big boy cant control our momma dog she gets a way from him. He came in and said that there were two nasty looking puddles under my truck and that they weren’t there before.

We go out to look and in the water tank for the radiator there is a ton of brown nasty. It has sucked all the oil into the water. It has over filled it and it is pushing it out through the cap of the tank and around the oil filter. I figured it was blown up but couldn’t understand because it seem to run fine the night before and wasn’t over heating or anything. I called my dad and was telling him he said to take the van and use it. He said he could bring it down tomorrow to me. I told him I was probably going to just call and have them pick this one up for junk but I had to get some tires for it first. The tires that are on it are only a few months old all I will get out of it for junk is a few $100 and they will sell the tires alone for a couple hundred, plus all the seats, doors, finders and things they can sell and get money for. I know when I bought my seat it was $100 for it alone. I am not giving them my new tires when they are going to give me next to nothing and whatever I buy next will probably need tires. I told him I will leave it sit in the yard until i get something and swap them if I have too. He said take them off and put them on the van. But they are too big and it has decent tires on it. He told me when something happens to him I get the van so I would still have them.

My brother ask what we were talking about he told him he told us it sounded like the oil cooler and that it needed new o rings in the lines. So father of the year was looking for all that. My dad in the mean time said I could borrow the van but tomorrow. Father of the year looked all over couldn’t decide where the rings were we weren’t even sure if it was the right cooler there are two it could have. I called my other friend and ask him he said he thought it was a gasket and that it was in a different spot. So father of the year got under it and said yeah he thought that was the case and where it had to go. He said we have to drop the one motor mount jack the motor up put it in and then put it back together. Not a fun job.

My friend J’s husband stop by after work and he said yeah it is how he said and we had to do all that. He said he would help him do it but he couldn’t do it tonight. He wants to do it Saturday after work. He gets off early on Saturday we won’t be doing it in the dark. I guess I will have to help him because father of the year has to work Saturday won’t be off until the following Saturday. Then he has plans. He is supposed to be off Thursday and Friday this week but had to take Monday and today off so he don’t know if he will be off and the other don’t get off till after dark. Just easier to do it Saturday.

I called my dad told him I really needed the truck tonight my kids are stuck at my moms I need to go to the store had to cancel on thing today already and needed to do stuff tomorrow. I asked him if he cared since J’s hubby would be coming right by his house on the way home if Father of the year picked the van up tonight. He said ok. Plus it keeps my dad from getting in it and trying to drive it down here to me like he wanted to do. I don’t care if he comes here and like him to but he shouldn’t be driving here by himself.

At least it isn’t blown up hopefully. It isn’t as big of a problem as they thought it was going to be. They told me they thought the head-gasket was going and I have just been trying to baby it until we get tax money in a month or less.

But like I told father of the year I am not moving since I found all this out about my dad and my truck still needs other work I am not willing to put the money into it to fix it. Just seems like I am now putting more into it than it is worth. So since I can not move until everything is done with my dad then I am going to get a new to me truck get it broke in and running good. This way when the time comes I know it is ready able and safe to make the trip to where ever I decide I want to go. My friend J wants to take off and drive up to SC in the next few months when she has some time off from school I may tell her to chip in on gas me her and the kids will take a ride up there and I can check things out.

I also think I want to try to find another place to move besides staying in the house I am in for another year. With what we found out about the guy across the street (Peeping Tom) just over all I am not thrilled about the house. I would also like to move closer to my dad. I know he is only about 15/20 miles a way but I would like to be closer so I can go over daily and check on him spend time with him have him over if he feels like it and things. Like I told father of the year it puts me that much farther north. May not be a lot but it is closer to getting out of here. I may even go a little bit farther north than my dad but still probably be closer than I am here. If not about the same distance I still think I would see him more if I was up that way than where I am. With homeschooling I don’t have to worry about the schools we are just going to keep on doing our thing and forget the schools.

It has been a very stressful new years and has put a lot of things all out of sorts. But I am just going to do what I can do here and now and worry about the rest as it comes. Right now my gaol is to get a truck that isn’t going to break down all the time or have so many problems to worry about and spending as much time as I can with my dad before something happens. For my kids to spend as much time as they can with him. Nothing else is important right now. Only reason a truck is improtant and on the list is because I have to have it to get to my dad get him things he needs or wants and to the hospital or his house if need be if something happens. It gets the kids where they need to go and the things they need too. If the one I had was in better shape I wouldn’t even worry about trying to find a new truck right now.

I have been debating on still doing school work and things through all this. Everyone keeps saying just take time off spend with him and to get through everything. I really think I am going too. We haven’t started back I haven’t ordered stuff yet. Because I hadn’t decided if I wanted to just finish piecing things together this year with all that is going on or really just take time off. My kids are always learning even if I am not teaching them so I am not to worried about them. They other night they sat here and watched a Magic School bus marathon on netflix my big boy was coming in telling me all the stuff he learned after each show and asking me if I knew this or that and telling me all about it. They still love to read and read anything they can get their hands on. I think I am going to still order some stuff and do lite school work. But I am not going to push it and if we really don’t feel like doing it or have something happen I am not going to stress about it. I am going to stick with basics math, reading, spelling, magic school bus for science they love it and are learning. I figure I might get the kits that go with it and let them do that each month and I can print some worksheets off for them to do. History I haven’t decided what we are going to do yet. I may just get them some books to read about history and not really do “work” with it or just do a few Q&A with it.

et cetera
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