Grew Up A Long Time Ago

Bff took sleeping Beauty’s stuff to him. They were talking about his friend and her girlfriend how they are. He told her they need to grow up.

I said hum funny seems he needs to take his own advice. He needs to grow up as well get a place decent job and shit.

She said oh no he says he thinks he is grown up. He says he is. She said he grew up a long time a go and young to young or something like that.

I said you know yeah that’s true and a lot of the reason he is the way he is now. I said because he did. I know how that is because I had to. It messes with you and by this point in life your done, your tired, you don’t want to do it no more you want away from it all and to just not deal with life anymore. I said and then for him to have his problem he has all this time on top of it. I can’t imagain doing it.

Not making excuses for him. Just saying I understand that statement. Where he is coming from there, how it feels.

She had told me his first wife got him on the drugs. I guess she was on them or got on them and got him to try it. I know he didn’t really want to marry her to start with and they were young and how things were growing up. So I could see him trying it.

It makes since to me because that has been a question I have had for a awhile and probably said on here. Why that? What made him just decide I think I will try coke today? What was going on why not anything else? When she said that about his wife and things it all made a little more since.

Because she talked to his mom the other day like I said and she was upset and saying she knows he needs help and how sorry she was for what he did. She was saying he wasn’t raised like that and things.

It isn’t an excuse he decided to do it but it answers questions makes since and can kind of understand his thinking and all. He really does need to get out of here away from it and in order to get clean. I think he really wants to but he is so into it and it is right here and he still needs to admit he needs help to get clean and that he has other issues going on that he needs to deal with come to terms with and if that don’t work get medication for.

He has done some really shitty things and has pissed me off and I don’t want to be around him. But I don’t want to see anything happen to him either. I don’t want to see him keep living like this and going through this. I hope he decides to step up and ask for help. Then stick to it. He is 46 years old he can’t keep doing this.

Not Going To Be One Of The Enablers

My friend called and was talking to me earlier she talked for a little while and that is odd, she never calls and talks very long in the day time. She called me two or three times the third time she talked for a while. Then she gets around to telling me how her son up north got arrested yesterday.

She tells me how her other son and his wife took off work and went to the court hearing I guess the way she talked. She said when he was brought in and seen them there he just hung his head and looked at the floor. Once it was over they got his car and they left. Well I guess the brother not in jail broke down in the parking lot after they got home or on the way. She tells me she broke down and was all hysterical when she found out.

This is not surprise, they knew it was coming and it isn’t like he is looking at a great amount of time maybe 6 months I think. Less than a year. He got caught drinking a driving, he didn’t pay all that he was supposed to pay and he didn’t do the classes and things he was supposed to do. He just ignored it all like it was going to go away I guess. She was up there for Christmas and New Years and he was supposed to pay it by now and didn’t. I am guessing he turned himself in because they issued a warrant. It isn’t like he don’t have the money for it and couldn’t do it. He works everyday and makes good money. Until not long ago he was living with his brother and his family and wasn’t paying them either, and he is behind on his car payment they were looking for it to take it and they lied said they didn’t know who he was or where he lived. I told her that shit don’t work because they can find out and they are not stupid that is why they keep coming back there. Even though he may not live there they know he is related to them and they know where he is. He has a drug problem I knew this for a while when she was telling me how he works all the time isn’t paying anything never has no money and the people he is running around with. I didn’t say anything he had one in the past they all have I figured she knew. Well I am sure she knew she was just in denial. She called me up about 8 months ago and told me he did and something that happen maybe that was when he got arrested for driving under the influence. I said I know, she said how did you know? I said because nothing adds up he works every day and never has any money and never pays anyone, he has had one in the past and he don’t have a girl or anything he is spending it on. It isn’t hard to figure out. She was like yeah your right and I should have known but I didn’t I didn’t think it was that but whatever she went on. Then why she was up there he took her to a friends house she found out he was there buying drugs why he had her with him. She freaked out because she was scared they were going to get caught. He made  deal with her and his dad he was going to pay his fines do the things he needed to do and get all this taken care of. He didn’t so he went to jail.

The brother and wife get home or where every they were going and the brother is all a mess and the mother is down here all a mess the wife decides that she is going to go a bail him out so those two will calm down and be happy. I also think she had other motives for doing it but this is what she told my friend and her son she was only doing it for him and her not the one in jail. I think she done it because she is getting her pills from him or he is getting them for her because she has a problem of her own that she is trying to hide. She is always calling my friend anytime she is in town asking for her pills or when she goes up there tells her to make sure she brings them. She complains about what the brother does but she is doing the same thing.

She tells me that once he was finally released her son calls all pissed off and says that he never even said thank you when he got out, nothing at all. He went home and him and his girlfriend went to eat and things. But they had no money at all left to get him out they put in all they had and was broke until payday. But as soon as he gets out they are going out for a night on the town. I said and your both surprised by this why? She said because that is his brother and his wife they got him out of jail used their bill money and this is the thanks they get. I said sure it is because it was expected that he would get him out, he knew he wasn’t going to stay there he knew he didn’t have to ask he knew that he would not leave him there and would do whatever he had to do get him out. She said yeah your right he knows his brother will do anything for him.

Just like when he was living there and not paying his brother complained and complained to my friend but he wouldn’t tell him you have to pay or you have to get out. He has a family to take care of while he has no one but himself and if he decides to pay child support. But his brother wouldn’t do it because he was so worried he would stop speaking to him and have nothing to do with him. He didn’t’ want to lose his brother.

She then told me that her husband told the other brother that got him out that he would help him and give him the money he spent to get him out back! I said what why would you do that so now not only is your son enabling him but you all are as well. You are helping your son enable him then your going to be all upset when something happens and when he don’t grow up and handle his stuff his-self and do what he needs to. Why would he when you all sweep it up and pick up the pieces for him and he has to do nothing but go to work collect his pay check and go out and have a good time. She says I know but this and that. I said look he is a big boy he decided to do this so now he needs to man up and handle the outcome like it or not. Why should you or your son take away from your family and bill money and do without to fix his screw ups and he sure don’t care that you are or he wouldn’t keep doing it.

Then she tells me that her bank is over drafted by $1000 and that they had to sell some stuff the other day to put gas in the car and buy a loaf of bread. How she only has a few things in the fridge and she is running out of that and ways to cook it. I said my point and now your going to do without more so that you can give them $400 and some dollars to because they got him out of jail and he isn’t bothering to pay them back when he just had a check Yesterday and he will get another one next Friday? He lives with his girlfriend and her mom who have money so they are not going to be doing without and they aren’t because they are already out for a night on the town as soon as he got out. But you can’t go buy basics that you need for your house to eat. I said it isn’t like he lost his job or got sick and missed work he is sitting there with kids that need to eat and he can’t buy them food and the things they need and needs a little help. He did things and he is still doing things that are against the law and got in trouble. He knew what would or could happen he chose to still do them then he needs to stand up be a man and take care of them not expect all of you too.

She says yeah but it’s so hard and you say this stuff. I said and I am not just saying this and don’t know or haven’t been there, I said I left my dad in jail when my oldest was just a few weeks old because he got arrested for drinking and driving. I couldn’t get him out and I was not taking money I needed for diapers and things to get him out he sat there for about two months before he got out. She said really you did that with your dad. I said yes because I did not have it the only one who could get him out was my mom and he had made her mad just before he went in so she refused to help or do anything. I couldn’t use what I had because I had no way to get anymore and I needed it for bills and the baby. No not my kid but just about the same, she knows how close me and my dad are and that we always helped each other out when we could and found a way if we couldn’t. I could have called my grandpa but he was sick and going through treatment so I wasn’t going to bother him and upset him and get him to go out and deal with the hassle of trying to get him out from the other side of the state or where ever he was at that time. I know my dad wouldn’t not have wanted me to bother him either.

Like I told her my dad told me and my brother he would get us out one time and one time only so we better make sure that was the one time we wanted him to get us out. After that sit your butt down get comfy because your going to be sitting if you don’t find someone else to get you out. There is not putting money in your account and things like that either. You are there you have free room and board, three meals a day, shower, tv and all that you need. You have no need for money. May not be the best of the best or that great to eat but hey you got yourself there you do what you have to do so that you get out and don’t end up back there again. Your not on vacation.

I don’t feel bad for her not having anything right now either because her husband works and makes good money. He works 16 hour days 6 to 7 days a week. He is supposed to have a week off but works half that week or more most the time as well. They should not be behind on their bills, have nothing in the house and have their bank $1000 in the negative.  They took that trip knowing they were behind on rent and things already. Then he came back and didn’t work for a week or more because he was “sick” I do not know anyone who gets as sick as they do as often as they do when she never leaves the house and he hardly goes to work. He has missed so much work they told him he had better come in with a doctors note and that if he missed anymore he would probably lose his job. With in a day or two of going back he missed a day because he couldn’t SLEEP. I said are you kidding me he already was told not to miss anymore and that is what he called and told them. Then was mad they wrote him up. I told her she is lucky that is all they done because they could have gotten rid of him very easily. I don’t know anyone that misses work as much as he misses. RC told me when I first met them and before we became friends that he had a problem with coming to work. Then another friend of mine, my good friend told me the same thing, he don’t come to work half the time and things. When father of the year got him that job at the shop when he was driving tow trucks he missed a ton of work there and then got mad they found spots for everyone so they could keep their jobs but him. Then he got this job and he is hardly ever there. He will work two or three good days maybe a week and then missing days. She is the same way with work and school she missed so much in her classes she failed for not going and had to pay for classes 3 times now because she didn’t go and failed. She started school way before I did and I don’t think she is close to being done. When she tells you she is going to go somewhere don’t count on it. The other week she told me she would be at my house Thursday morning on Wednesday. My friends boyfriend messaged me ask what I was doing the next day. I told him supposed to be doing something with her why? He needed a ride so I told him that was fine I would pick him up after I dropped the kids off. I had done picked him up ran him a few places stopped at my house for a little bit after I picked them up and hung out and had never heard from her. It was almost 12 when I heard from her and that was for her to say she wasn’t coming. I was not surprised at all that is why I told them I would take them where they needed to go. If she has showed up I could have meet her here at the house it would have only took a minute or two to get home.

She knows that I am supposed to get that money either this week or in a few and I look for her to ask me to loan her some money. Well her husband to ask me to loan them some. I am not doing it, because they could have money but they are deciding to give it away over keeping it and doing what they need to do with it. I am not helping them enable the other one to do his drugs and whatever else he is doing. I have my kids to take care of and I will have money put back for future bills and things but that is besides the point I also owe the kids money and it is my oldest birthday Monday. I plan to do a party for her and things as well. I am going to keep out what I need for right now and a little extra so we can get things if we need them but the rest is going to be put toward paying the rent up as much as I can. Then I will get money each month to put back what I used to pay it up then I can use that to pay a little more up and to get other things we want or need at that time. Right now with the spot they are in with the bank being over drafted by so much I can’t count on them giving it back to me when they say they will because who knows what will happen. The bank gets theirs first because it goes right in the bank. Then if other bills or things they need to pay they aren’t going to be paying me when they figure I have all this money in the bank, I will be put on the back burner. I am just going to tell her I payed everything to rent but what I needed to pay bills and things. They can get mad but I am not supporting others habits and helping them is doing just that.

20 Day Count Down Begins

Father of the year has been at his if I would just give him another chance blah blah again the other night he started texting me out of no where. How things weren’t his fault and how he tried and is trying. Telling me how I changed, I settled, oh and my favourite I threw us away first chance I got.

If I got out the first chance I had or first reason I could find, I would have left when I fought with him for two years to get me and our daughter our own place to live so we weren’t living with someone else. And we had our 2 nd on the way.

He started about me seeing other people after he moved out and I slept with someone else then dated someone. How that didn’t say much about me. Yeah you know what I did have a “friend” for a short time and then I met some one and had a relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all. He knew I was done he had his chance to fix things and keep us together. I went to counselling with him and everything else. There was nothing left. Dose he really think that if I really had feelings for him that in the last 3 years I wouldn’t have given him another chance or at least fucked him once in a while since I’m not seeing anyone else. Hell why not he is still my husband since he stopped the divorce. How many years dose someone have to not have anything at all to do with you before you realise they really don’t have any feelings or anything for you? I mean really, how many people going to be in the situation that we have been for this long and have nothing to do with them if they had feelings for them? Look how much he tries it be to easy to just say ok. Then he says I miss you, I miss being close to you and being intimate with you. I said yeah that’s what you miss the sex. He said no it’s more than that. Couldn’t come up with anything else that didn’t come back to sex. Like I told him only time he wants to talk to me is when he wants sex. Got to where it was the same when we were together, he come home from work not speak to me all night high how are you, how was your day, how are kids, kiss my ass nothing. But then soon as we were both in bed he pawing all over me and pushing me to have sex.

Then he says how I’m just itching to have the party life and that is all that seems to matter to me. I have no clue what he is talking about there. Anyone I know can tell you I have my kids with me 24/7 and even when they go with him once in a while I am sitting at home doing the same stuff I always do. Once in a great while I may go out. If I go out once or twice a year alone even if just to dinner it is a lot. Because I am always home and doing stuff with the kids.

He started how I was cold hearted and put up a wall with the kids. Because I have been getting onto them and trying to get them back on track. They don’t want to do anything they are told. They don’t want to help around the house and things. He complains about it all the time but dose nothing to try and change it.

Then it was how he don’t feel good and how I attack him for not helping. I had said something earlier in the day about him not paying support or helping make sure the kids have what they need.

Then he started ignoring me and telling me he was sleepy and had to get some sleep and drive the truck. Give me his famous we will talk about it later. Because he didn’t want to answer my questions or hear what I had to say. I said yeah later like every other time you say later. No really we will. Well its been a few days and we haven’t talked yet. I brought it up the other day when I seen him I got the I have to work I need to do this and I’m not avoiding it, excuse after excuse. I said it don’t matter, I just wanted to point out that yet again you say later and later hasn’t come like all the other times you say that didn’t happen.

I said well here I am having my say why your here and you can’t say you didn’t get my message, didn’t understand, wasn’t sure what I was talking about or whatever excuse you may come up with. Because I am going to spell it out make it very clear right now and I am not going to bring it up later I just going to sit and wait and do what I decide to do in the end.

I told him that he has until next Wednesday to get the papers form the court house fill them out and turn them back in. Then he has 15 days from there to get in contact with them and have a court date. He is off next Tuesday and Wednesday so he has two days to get there get them and get them back. Then they tell you to wait at least 10 days to call and get a court date.

I told him if he dose not get the papers turned in to start the 10 process by then I will get a lawyer, if he dose and thinks that is all he is going to do and not have to worry about it and it will slid for ever again he is wrong. Because if it goes past 15 days I will start looking for a lawyer.

I told him it isn’t anyone’s fault but his that he screwed up at work and had 2 or 3 accidents that he is paying for, it isn’t anyone’s fault that he lost his position because of them, that it isn’t anyone’s fault he don’t have his license straight, money to put his truck on the road, pay his own bills, or that he isn’t helping make sure that his kids have the things they need. It isn’t anyone’s fault that but his that he has put us in the position of possibly losing our home again, that it isn’t anyone’s fault he hasn’t followed through with what we agreed upon from day one when we were supposed to split the bills work different shifts and let us both save money get jobs so that we wouldn’t have to pay daycare and so that we both could get our own places. He did the things he did and he did them the way he did for whatever reason and now he has to live with that. That it is time to grow up be a man and quit blaming everything on someone else. I also told him it wasn’t anyone’s fault that he stopped the divorce and has not fixed it like he was supposed to. That is when I told him if he didn’t I was getting a lawyer.

I told him that I am having to take loans and go into debt to make it and slide by because he isn’t doing his part. That if I was going to take out loans to do that then I was going to be taking out extra this time to pay a lawyer to get this done and over with once and for all, that he let this drag out until now we been married well over 12 years. That if I have to pay a lawyer to once again clean up his mess he has made and left for someone else to take care of I was going to see to it that I got paid for doing it. I told him I am going to tell the lawyer I want anything and everything me and the kids are entitled to and the judge will give us. I’m not going to play nice and say just help me make sure the kids have what they need and things are paid or help out here and there when we need it, or just pay child support and forget everything else. I did that and look where it has gotten me.

He didn’t say anything he just had this look on his face like he was stunned that I said it and worried, like he knows I really mean it and going to do it if he don’t get it taken care of. He knows right now I can get the money and if he had to pay for a lawyer he wouldn’t be able to so he would be in court on his own. He knows that his family has had changes in their situations and most likely can’t and would’t help him. Right now I have the upper hand and I plan to use it if he decides to ignore it and hope that it goes away.