I Find It Funny

How do guys meet you and think it’s great that you “aren’t like the rest” But then try their damnedest to get you to screw around with them, or “help” them out.

It’s like okay are you not listening? Do you know how stupid you sound and look? Do I look desperate to you? What is it that makes you think that your so great or special that we just met, started talking or been talking and I am going to just say oh what the hell and do it? Especially when we aren’t even talking a relationship or interested in one. They say they just want to see where it goes, just want to be friends, not looking for a relationship. You tell them what your looking for and they still think your just going to make an expression or change your mind for them.

I know it’s the sliver of hope they have and it’s the fun of trying. But dang, I think I would get tired of trying and feel like an idiot for trying after a while. It never crosses my mind to even keep trying if I know someone really isn’t interested. I guess that’s why guys and women are so different.

As bad as the other one telling me you really aren’t like the rest. But you just don’t get how this works. You need to………….

Yes I know how it works and I have no desire to play that game. I have no need to.

Shit Talking 101

I told you a while back in my post 34 to 54 and Us in-between about the one driver at my night job trying to take me and the other guy I work with at night out for a drink and to hang out. When he said no he kept asking me. We have been messaging back and forth and talk on the phone once in awhile. But that is it nothing else at all. He keeps trying to get me to go out with him and meet him and “help” him out. We mostly just joke around.

He said to me the other day I know nothing is ever going to happen between us, your just easy to talk to, joke around with and fun to talk to. I’m not trying to offend you or make you made. I said nope don’t make me mad. Takes a lot to get to me or make me made.

So he is always saying stuff and talking shit. I told him the other day all you guys take that same Shit Talking 101 class and think you are the man. You all say the same thing and it gets none of you anywhere. He comes off with class I wrote the book. Blah, blah. I laughed and told him I wouldn’t admit to that. Later I told him, he may want to rewrite that book and do some more research. It comes up here and there I say something about that class. He said something I said you really should just burn the book. He said yeah I think you are right. It has been no help so far.

He said something about getting together maybe if he kept trying one day I would change my mind.

I said you can get in line with the others but it never moves just so you know. I sent him this picture

He says I skipped and jumped ahead I’m first in line. I said first middle last next to the back or front really means nothing when the line never moves.

Another time we were talking and he was saying something and I made a wise crack. He said why do you have to be so mean and cold? Laughed. I sent

 

He made comments back and then says and as for my balls….um…um. yeah I don’t know what to say to that.

 

I replied

 

 

 

 

Last week I posted that I was looking for an office or two, to clean on the weekend. He massaged me a few days later and said he had carpet to put down in his truck and wanted to know if I wanted to clean the truck and help him lay the carpet.

I laughed at him and said oh so is that what you guys are calling it now laying carpet? He said no no really I seen you were looking to make some extra money and I need the truck cleaned. Doors, windows, windshield, shelves, bunk all that. I need the floor cleaned good so I can lay the carpet. I may need help getting it cut and laid down so it don’t take forever. I’m not trying to get you in my truck and do something. I said um hum sure I bet you have some candy too.

He said no we all pretty much keep the same truck we do what we want or with them and have to keep them clean. He said really if you talk to some of the other guys they may pay you to clean theirs out when they get back from their runs. Most don’t feel like it or want to take the time to clean them.

I told him I would have to see I wasn’t sure. That it would depend what time I got off work. it was Friday the kids wait up for me to get off and come home on Fridays since there is no school the next day. I had to go home normal time so they weren’t waiting because my little one gets tired and would fall a sleep.

I told him maybe one other night during the week when I got off since they would already be a sleep and I didn’t have to rush home. He showed up to put the carpet in the truck and show me he really had carpet and wasn’t just saying it and he really needed it cleaned. Earlier when we were messaging about it he asked me how much. I really don’t want to do it because it is late and I am tired after work. I didn’t want to do it being out there and in the truck and things because you know how people talk and I don’t want to have shit started about oh being in his truck or whatever. Even if just joking someone takes it to far and I would go off, say something and who knows where it would go from there.

I told him $25 he said that was steep, I said I don’t know never done anything like that before. He said it is only about 30 minutes worth of work probably. I said I don’t know how much is it worth or what do you think? What were you thinking to pay? He said no I pay it that is alright. I am just thinking it is late, I am doing this during the week after working two full shifts, I’m tired and even if it is only 30 minutes of work is it worth it to me for less than $25? It is a one time thing not full time like if it was an office or what i was looking for. So if he really wants it done and to make it worth it to me to do it when it is harder to do than cleaning an office really at least $25. Because I have to climb up in the truck get around and under everything in a tight space, up and down with supplies buckets of water and things to clean and clean the floor. bending under and around everything. I don’t have all that in an office I’m not bending under and around stuff to clean the fools or under the dash and things in an office. That is all hard on my back and getting all the buckets and things of water up and down. That is like cleaning bathrooms, making beds and that kind of thing that kills my back and I can’t do all the time. That is why offices are easier and I can go in there at 3 am on a Saturday or Sunday or 9 pm. As long as it is clean before they get back Monday. I am not having to do it after a double shift tired and wore out already.  I never did do it he didn’t get a hold of me over the weekend and is back out. I figure he will want to do it when he gets back. Hopefully he forgets it or does it himself.

He is a nice guy but just older than I am looking for and he isn’t looking for anything other than someone to go to dinner with or have drinks with once in a while when he is here and hook up with. I am not looking for that. I’m not looking to get into anything with anyone from work. Friends that is it nothing more.

 

A Good Man To Help

I was talking to Pops at work yesterday or the day before and we were talking about things with the kids and bills and all that. He said now all you need is a good man to help you.

I just looked at him he said what really. Your doing so good you turned things around and getting ahead. You just need someone to help you now you your going places. But you need a good one.

I laughed I said yeah I don’t think that is out there anymore.

He said it is, it will find you.

I just looked at him again.

He says there are some still left out there, just be patient. It will happen.

I said yeah one day I guess.

I would love to meet someone but I go back and forth if I think I will or not. I don’t I know I do but I tell myself forget it, there are no decent ones out there. But I know there are I do. I look at the people I work with at my two jobs, it’s all guys at both. I look at guys I meet out and about. They are so different, it’s life we all live right around the same area why did they come from why don’t I run into guys like this when I am out and about? What do they all stay home locked up in their houses? I just don’t get it.

 

Picking up My Truck

I guess I have to bite the bullet and go pick up my truck in the morning. I haven’t heard from the guy in almost a month. I have been trying to get someone to go with me but of course no one can or will. I have avoided it for far to long. One of the owners is going to be in at my day job doing some work I told him today I am going to be late that I had to go pick it up and see what to do from there. I am in one of those weird moods where I don’t not care but that I just don’t want to deal with it and I’m okay with not dealing with it and it just hanging out there. Even though I know it is most likely just getting worse. I care but not enough to do anything about it. Even though I told them I am going to be late tomorrow I am going to have to force myself to go over there.

You know some things you can do without or pay to get done. But there are somethings you can’t just pay someone to do. I know that I know you can’t but I don’t know I thought I could figure out some way to take care of this but I can’t.

Sitting here writing this and thinking about it I don’t know if it is the situation that I am in that bothers me more or the fact that here I sit again alone to handle it all on top of everything else I already take care of alone.

You Prefer People Like Me

Last Wednesday I had a interesting conversation with my good friend. The one I have known since we were kids who I traded my truck to for labor on my other cars if they break. I think I told you about that. If not theres a tidbit of what’s going down with my beast.

Anyway some how we got on the subject of Peter Pan and Wendy. He did not know who I was talking about when I said that. I was surprised but I guess normally he is the ass when I talk to him.

I was already in a mood. I told him I wanted to go out but needed to find someone to go out with me and keep me out of trouble. I told him when I go out alone I end up leaving guys in bathroom, going to bathroom not returning, picking up stalkers or finding things like father of the year.

He said to let him know when I was drunk and needed a ride home again. He wasn’t saying no this time 😄.

I told him I would for sure. He would be the first I called.

I told him I wanted to meet someone other than what I have been and told him about the guy at work. He said don’t shit where you eat. I told him I already knew that I wasn’t wanting to do that.

He said he just wanted to fuck now and then and we could still be friends nothing strange between us because of it.

I said all everyone seems to be looking for. He said it was all he was in the position to offer right now. He was being straight foward and honest.

I told him a little about my Swinging Conversation with My “Friend” and how he blocked me.

I said we have been doing this for so long that I didn’t say no but not right from day one. He keeps pushing for more.

“See. And now he is butt hurt. Just a sign that he is not emotionally mature enough anyway”   “You spanked his ego”

I told him….Other than that he has tried and tried for years to have more. When I think okay maybe why not he shown things. He comes off with this.

First thing my friend said before I could say more was….”Financial help causes dependency, dependency allows control.”

Yep, I know he was talking about just all around be there and help.

He knows me and everything I been through to well. He says…..”Help is not something you are looking to get used to because it’s never dependable”

Then says…..”I think you prefer people like me. Someone you know you can count on when necessary but never pretends to be willing to do more than they are capable of or willing to do”    “I’m the same way. Don’t like depending on anyone. I think that may be why I’m with my wife. I know I can’t depend on her, so no surprises. lol”

He is right, like I say all the time I don’t want to depend on someone I don’t need to. Like he was talking about his wife and not being able to count on her or depend on him and things. Talking about how Father of the Year was like that and I couldn’t do it.

I can’t have someone there that I have to do everything for or can’t do for their selves. I am not looking do drag someone around or up.

But he is the problem, these guys rush in making all these promises and wanting to do everything and they can’t or won’t come through on it. I just want someone honest and real. Don’t say your going to do this or that if you don’t want to or you don’t plan to or you can’t. Tell me what your willing and able to do and do it.

Workin’ Moms

I know I am late to the game once again probably but that is okay. I hardly ever watch tv at all unless a few minutes here and there with the kids. Then I don’t really watch it because who can hear or follow anything with 4 kids fighting and talking and doing whatever in the middle of it.

I signed up for a free Netflix trial the other day week when me and Little Bitty were laying in bed one night looking for something to watch. I have been watching it at work.

I started watching Grace and Frankie when it first came out, then got rid of Netflix and didn’t keep up with it. So I went back and started at the be-gaining and watched all of them. Now I have moved on to Workin’ Moms. I just finished season one and started season two a few minutes ago. Sadly I think this is the last season and I am not sure but I don’t think they are making anymore. I will have to check but I think this one came out a year or two ago so I would say they aren’t.

But while watching this I just laugh and then sit there and go wow I can so relate. Most of all I can relate to Frankie in the first season of the show. All I can think is who followed me around to record my life and tell her how to act.

Everything from the do you ever think about the plane just crashing, to the just tossing everything out or selling it. Her putting her face in the pool and the people pulling her out and her looking at them like nothing is wrong. You know your not going to do it but just don’t want to be here either.

Then the whole feeling guilty over the kids and not doing enough and not being there enough, the who is going to do everything for them and feeling overwhelmed at the same time. The other moms were dealing with what I feel everyday. the one mom feeling that she just needs the change or a change and piercing her nipple in the bathroom why they are out and wanting to leave her husband. Feeling that she is doing nothing but work work work for everyone and getting nothing in return from anyone but shit about what a horrible job your doing or why you shouldn’t be doing it or what you should be doing or doing different.

Imagine feeling that all on top of how Frankie was feeling and dealing with. That would me. I don’t know how I am getting by or functioning right now or the last month or more. I got one yes one hour of sleep last night. Then a huge fight with the Bitch this morning. I didn’t get to bed until 2 and watched a show with Little Bitty because I promised her and she is having a horrible time right now with all this. Then I laid there awake with my mind reminding me of every ball I have dropped, all that I have not cleaned up after, what a horrible job of being a person and/or parent I am, what is going to happen when all these balls that have been dropped and not dealt with come to a head. Then the thinking of oh well then maybe I will get a break and the drop of  a ton of breaks of feeling guilty for feeling that way when it deals with the kids. Then the circle of horrible mommy, poor kids slides back around and it just keeps going on and on like the song that never ends. I tell myself over and over that one person can’t get in my head not to let them get to me but I can’t help it. I know i have dropped the ball I need help but I don’t have it and don’t have anywhere to turn to get help. If I try then it just gives others more room and reason to pounce and cause life to be 1000x worse and keep pounding me down more and more and my kids to be unhappy more and more.

At the end of the fist season Frankie told her wife she was going to a treatment program to get help and I thought that would be so nice to be able to get help somewhere for the way I feel. But that isn’t an option for me like a lot of things aren’t an option for me. To have someone there that supports her and wants to still be with her. Who somewhat understands and wants to see her better.

The Wrong Parts

I think we left off with the guy put the part on my truck and then never did bleed the breaks and I have been trying to find someone to do it. He said he couldn’t get them to bleed and had to get a scanner and things. But then never came back or returned my messages. I was mad to say the least.

Well Yesterday someone finally had time to help me and go take a look at it. Pops and his twin brother and his brothers friend went and looked at it. The brother told the friend what to do and he done it because the brother just had stints put in his heart a week ago. Pops don’t know about that kind of thing. He went because he knew where my house is and me.

They were gone for a while and I was starting to wonder if something was wrong because it seemed like they should of been back. I decided to wait another 20 or 30 minutes then call if they hadn’t come back. In a few minutes they showed up. They said they were still not right and that they bled them 3 times all the way around and still couldn’t get them to feel like they should but it was stopping. Then they said the front tire was flat or low on air. They said I could drive it to the shop around the corner and get them to put air in it for me if I didn’t leave it sit for to much longer.

When someone else got here at the shop I had them stay here while pops ran me to my truck. He followed me to the shop to get air and it wasn’t stopping good at all. It would go right to the floor and I would have to pump and pump it to get it to stop. I asked the guy at the shop what would cause that since we changed that and bled them all those times. He said the master cylinder. I asked him how much it would cost for him to do it and how soon he could get it done. If he could get it done by 5. He said he could have the part with in 35/45 minutes of ordering it and then could put it on quick. He had a car he was working on he had to get done but it wasn’t a rush and it wouldn’t take long. That was at 2 something and before 4:30 he called and said he had it done. I told him I would be there a little after 5 to pick it up he said he would be there.

I asked him something about it and he said I needed to drive it and feel the peddle and see how it felt to me. I said does it stop or is it stopping? He said yes but I needed to drive it and see how it felt to me. That was a red flag to me. I said okay.

I had to borrow the money from my boss to even pay the guy to get it out of the shop I don’t have money to throw away on this truck right now. I told Pops what he said and that I didn’t like the sounds of that. If it was right he should say it stops great no problems. I said if I get there and it isn’t fixed I am not paying him for it. He said this might get nasty. I said it might but I am not paying him for fixing my truck and he didn’t now I have to pay someone else I already paid someone to fix it.

We left work a little early and went over there since pops son came in and said he was going to close. We got there and it was sitting there. The guy that worked on it wasn’t there. They said he went up the street he would be right back. I said I am going to go start it and see how it feels. He said take it up the street or around the block if you want. I took it out of there and as soon as I got in it I could tell it wasn’t right. I got on the side street there and started and it was going right to the floor not stopping. I turned around went back and told him it’s not fixed. He said let me adjust this I didn’t do that and it could be out so he did. He drove it it stopped but he pumped and pumped them to before he started driving it. He came back it was still soft going to the floor.

We started talking and something was said he said I’m not going to charge you for it. We went on talking he said I see your ABS light is on your pump is probably going out or not working right. I said no that has been on for a long time and I have never had problems until that part on the tire went out the other day and we replaced it and we bleed them and bleed them and can’t get it to stop. He said I did too I don’t know it has to be the ABS. I said okay then how can we tell because I have to have this truck up and going I can’t be stuck anymore like this. What is it going to cost to take care of it. I figure I have the money from the other repair that didn’t fix it I could use that to get the pump and fix it. He said let me scan it and see. He scanned and scanned it and after a while and a bunch of scans later he said no your right it isn’t your ABS pump it is working fine. I said so what is it why isn’t it working? He said you have a lot of air in your lines for some reason and you are going to have to just keep bleeding them and get it out he said I can’t find anything else wrong with it. I have scanned it you have the two new parts it is all you can do. He said gravity bleed them for about and hour that will force all the air out and then you may have to bleed them normally once you put the fluid back in. I said okay and I asked him again what I owed him since he scanned it for me and everything too. Because most places want $40/$60 to scan one and most want more. But when he scanned it he also seen that what he was telling me was wrong wasn’t and that I was right. He said I didn’t fix your problem you don’t owe me anything. He said I can’t charge you and send you out with the same problem you had when you came in. He said I just have to eat that.

I called Special K I was so upset and stressed I asked him if there was anyway he could please help me bleed the breaks and try to figure out what was wrong with it? I messaged work and told them that I had to get my truck fixed I just got it out of the shop it still wasn’t fixed I had someone to help me but they needed help and I had to find out what was wrong why I had help or I wouldn’t have again and would be messing a lot more work. I am sure they were not happy but I can’t help it. I had to get it fixed.

Special K said he was on his way home that I would probably beat him there and that we needed stuff at the store. I told him I was going to get to his house with it and park it then we could run and get what we needed. I took the back roads once I got over the bridge into the island to get to his house since there was less traffic. He got there before me but I don’t think it was to much before me. We went and got the stuff to bleed the breaks and break flood. He showed me how to set it up so you could do it by yourself and to make it easy so you aren’t losing break flood all over once it starts coming out. He said something about having to get under the truck and do something why he did something else. I said okay. He said no wait he said I can do that you are going to get inside and pump. He said one person can do it but it is easier if there are two.

Let me tell you if you want a leg workout like no other bleed your breaks over and over. But he did the front two then the back and was having trouble with the one back one then did the other side. He came back to the other back one and was going back and forth. He said we are going to do these for a bit and work on them because the other two are good but these two aren’t. He said I have seen it where for whatever reason you get an air bubble or a few and you have to just keep doing them and doing them over and over to get them out. We worked on them for an hour really probably close to two hours. He got under the side that the other guy just fixed on Monday the reason we are doing all this and he says I just notice something. Isn’t your bleeder screw or whatever he called it supposed to be on the top? I said I don’t know I haven’t been under there. He said the other three are but this one is on the bottom. I said then yes I would say it is probably supposed to be on top. Why would they just make one different. He started looking it up on his phone I pulled mine out and started looking it up.

What I found said that air goes to the top naturally and so the bleeder screw or whatever is on the top so that when you open it the air goes out. Once the air is out then it fills with more fluid and you start getting fluid once it is out and you close it. I said yep it is, he said yeah what I am seeing too and it makes since. I said so you can’t bleed it because it isn’t letting the air out on that side.

I said lets take it off and take it back and get a new one. Well that parts store closes at some crazy time. They keep like banker hours or something. The rest around us don’t close until 9 or later. I said okay fine I will go buy a new one and just make them give me my money back for this one tomorrow. We can get the new one on tonight I can have my truck. My friend is like girl your killing me here, we are losing day light quick now too. It was already after 8. I didn’t know it. Then I thought about it too I said I can’t do that because they have this big core charge for that and I don’t have an old one to take them because this one has to go back and they got my old one.

I called the guy who did it Monday and said look you put the wrong part on you need to come and get it, take it back and put the right one on because of this and it getting dark I can’t do it tonight like I thought. He said okay so we will see if he does it like he says he is going to. He told me 8:30 then messaged and said that they wouldn’t have the part until 11 so he would get it and put it on and take the old one back. I don’t now if he is really going to do it or not because why wouldn’t he get the wrong one and take it back first? They aren’t going to let him take a new one without paying for it. I am not paying again he can take the wrong one back and trade it. If he don’t want to and they want money he can pay them for it go get his back when he is done. I messaged him a bit ago and gave him the address where the truck is and how to get here. I had my friend follow me and we went the back road and dropped it off at my job instead of trying to get across two towns and the bridge back to my house.

I can not believe the shop, or pop’s brother and his friend did not notice that it was the wrong one and upside down, nor the guy that put it on. It took my friend that long to figure out what the problem was. But I can because like I told them, bleeding the breaks is so easy and something you just get under there and do without really thinking about it. You just do it, you figure it is all in right as far as fitting and bolted up there your not thinking it is mounted wrong or this is in the wrong place or it is upside down. Your just thinking okay I do this, this and this and it should be done and working. I can’t complain to much. But the guy who put it on should of been paying closer attention to if it was right or not. So two wrong parts lets hope the third time is really a charm and it goes together and bleeds effortlessly like it should of the first time.

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