Flashback Moment

After work Last night I stopped at JW’s of course. We talked for a while and he rubbed my back and neck. It has been bad because of my new desk since we moved. After he was done he kept reaching over rubbing my back, legs arms whatever here and there. He said I would do this every night if you were here and let me. He said I would rub you from head to toe front and back. Just to make you feel good, sleep good and to see that smile.

He keeps asking what I want to eat he wants to make me dinner one night after work. He was asking me again last night. Said he is going to make it Thursday since I can get off early that night.

On the way home I was thinking about us. How we have ended up together and handling things. We don’t really have a date on things. If you figure we got together the night he kissed me on the beach or shortly after that was the 9th of January. All though we have known each other since we were kids grew up together we just got back in contact. Saturday before Christmas. I thought about him taking me out for my birthday and wanting to do something for Valentines day.

I all of a sudden had this flashback of Father of the Year. We started talking right before Christmas and our first date was my birthday. He took me to dinner. Then New Years Eve, we went sat in the car at some beach, it was freezing and raining so we did not get out. We just talked for awhile decided we would give us a try.

Shortly after that he picked me up from work and had made this big dinner for us while his roommate was out of town.

And he use to rub my back and legs all the time for me at night because I would hurt so bad. He did a lot but more offten at the end when I had my accident and got hurt and things. He always wanted to celebrate holidays.

Thinking about it all that with Father of the Year came back. Stuff I had forgot about or not thought of in years. It is all so close to being the same. Was kind of weird to me at first I was like oh wow no this is not good. But then it all just kind of went away and I don’t know how I really feel about it now.

As I was thinking this isn’t good, the thought that he is nothing like Father of the Year popped in my head and how Father of the Year did and was and how JW is nothing like that.

Father of the Year always wanted praised for the things he did or said. It was more like he was doing it for himself than me. Like I did this for you so you will tell me what a good job I done and stroke my ego. It don’t matter if you really like it or it isn’t what you wanted. All that matters is I did something. I know it is the thought that counts. But a lot of times there was no real thought put into things.

I would buy him nice things like jewelry, electronics or even a truck I went to buy him one time. I got cused out for not buying it and it was a pos. I buy him jewelry I got $5 lingerie. I buy him nice electronics I would get a little light thing with a cube to sit on it.

I would show him things I liked or wanted that wasn’t going to break the bank, it wasn’t like he didn’t know. He say he had no money. Because he spent it all in the little stores or buying things he wanted. He would have his check I would just tell him get it out of that or what. We have x amount that we can spend on each other. He just walk in buy something and walk out. There would be times I got nothing at all after him making a big deal about having to celebrate a holiday and what we were going to do and get each other. But boy let me not get something or just get a card with a nice letter or note written inside and he would pout like a kid.

JW just isn’t that way, he always wants to make sure I am happy, I am taken care of. He wants to make this dinner because of what I said the other day about not getting to eat a Home Cooked Meal  He wants to make something for me. That wasn’t what I was getting at I was just telling them why I thought I was wanting to eat so much. Because they were saying oh I was pregnant joking around. He has been after me since what is it I want to eat so he can make me something. I told him he don’t have to but he insist. He wanted to go out Friday for the holiday but I have to work he has to work. He won’t be off until 8 and has to get home and get ready. I won’t be off until 9 at the earliest more likely 10 or later. He said he was going to cook Thursday I told him that would be our celebration for the holiday. He was okay with it. Thursday is about the only day we have that we get off half way decent hour. He gets off at 7 and I get off by 9 if nothing is going on. We still aren’t out until late. Over the weekend it is hard for me to get out until later when the kids go to bed and he works Saturday anyway until 8. Once I get moved get the bitch out of my house and get my kids settled again things will be different to a point. I won’t have to worry about having time to go see him and things. He will meet the kids can start coming over going and doing things with us. All of us spending time together. Making time for us will be a little easier as well. I won’t have to worry about rushing home to the kids because I will have more time with them and things.

But it just blew me away when I thought of all that between the relationships. I still don’t know what to think of it. But I am happy, I have been happy from the start. I wasn’t really happy with Father of the Year, I never really was, I never expected it to go anywhere between us. I felt he was more of just the friend type but he wasn’t like any of the other guys I had dated and thought maybe I just wasn’t giving him a chance he was a “nice” guy. Things just went from there. You see how that ended.

But I don’t feel that way about JW. He wasn’t ever one I ever really thought about in anyway he was just always there we weren’t close for say but have always talked and hung out together when we were at the same places, just as we did as kids. Even now I wasn’t thinking about anything between us to start with. Then I kind of got the idea that he may be interested in more. That was the first time I really thought of him as anything more than just a friend. I wasn’t even sure then if he was or wasn’t interested in more. But the more I thought about it and the more we hung out together and things he treated me the way he did I felt that maybe it was something I would’t mind if he was interested. Honestly the night at the beach he kissed me, I wanted him to. I wanted to him but didn’t, I was kind of scared to, because I still wasn’t sure that I wasn’t maybe reading more into things between us because of the way he is. I never felt like that with Father of the Year. With him it was like we were just going through the motions. I was still waiting to see how things turned out and I had feelings for him, but not the same kind of feelings.

I got it all out I am just going to try to forget about it and enjoy what I have now and build a future that we can all grow and be happy in. Because we deserve it after everything we have been through.

The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces. The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace. Be careful who you entertain and give your energy to!

I feel this says it all. With JW he has done nothing but try to make me smile, help me how ever he can, be there just to let me vent, cry or whatever I needed. He always wants to know if I made it home, if i have eaten, how my day is going, telling me how happy he is with me. He hasn’t asked for anything, don’t expect anything. When I try to do for him he tells me I have enough to handle and take care of he will take care of it. I made him today give me his w2 so I can file his taxes for him because he was going to pay someone to do it. He said you don’t need to take time to do it your busy. I told him I would do it sitting at work when there is nothing to do and I am bored. No point in him paying to get something done I can do for free in a few minutes. It wasn’t he didn’t want me to see what he made or what he already told me when we were talking about other stuff. It is just how he is, he is like me just use to taken care of it himself and getting things done.

Father of the year had nothing and never did anything or took care of anything. He just left it all for someone else or it didn’t get done. Even when you tried to help or do it he never offered help and it was never right or good enough. Boy did he leave me with a mess to clean up.

Thanksgiving in a Nutshell

Thanksgiving we didn’t do anything but lay around all day. My mother was supposed to make a ham and everything for dinner and didn’t get up and put it on in time. Of course that was mine and the kids faults. I thought she was awake and laid down with Little Bitty and watched our show. I fell a sleep for a bit. The kids played and watched t.v. We just had a very lazy relaxed day. We ended up getting up and going out to dinner not even doing dinner at home. I don’t think anyone really cared. The kids didn’t really seem to care, we had a nice time, talked and joked around and talked about Christmas. If they would want me to take the money and get them a few smaller gifts or one or two larger gifts? What they wanted either way and made a list.

Friday we didn’t do much and I had to go to work that night. Then I stopped off and seen my Grandma and Grandpa at my aunts. They only live a mile or two from my night job. I had to ask her to borrow money until after the first of the year. In hopes to get things back on track and be able to do something for Christmas. I ended up being there for hours, I didn’t leave until after 12 or 1. I didn’t plan to be there that long at all. I got there around 9:45 give or take. But I was talking to them and lost track of time.

Feel a Road Trip Coming Up

I have been in a mood lately feeling very restless and wanting to get away. I want to take a road trip. I am going to shoot for the next 3 day weekend we have. Hopefully it will be a day that the shop is already closed.

I think I will take off Friday and leave out that morning. We should get where we are going by that afternoon or early evening around dinner. Spend from then until Monday there. Leave out after lunch Monday and head home. We should get home in time for work and school.

I think I am going to go up to my friend J’s house and stay. She has the room. I will probably take one day to see my cousins. One is about 30 minutes away from her. See if the other one could come up and meet us. She is about 2 hours away. Or maybe go see the one that is 30 away then leave a little early and stop and see the one that is 2 hours away on the way home. Check all three areas out. So I can get my plan into motion.

I have to get these birthdays over with and decent checks rolling in again first. Then Figure out when I will have money to go on. My friend wants me to come for Thanksgiving I may wait and do that then take the extra day and have 5 days to go. Leave out after work Wednesday. Drive up to GA hang out a while. Eat sleep a little and make the rest of the trip up to SC.

I just really want to go before that and then maybe go again then. Just excited to check some things out and get to working on some things. I will have to tell you more about my plans in another post.

Happy 4th

Hope you all have a safe and fun 4th with family and friends.

Valentine’s Day Help

Okay all my blog friends I need a list of free things to do on date night/V day. It will be evening late because I have to work. As far as I know it will be in the 70’s and dry.

So far I have…………

Fishing

Just sitting at the river talking

Picnic dinner

Watching movies

 

Help add to my list things to do that evening together not gifts or things for later.

Maybe It Is A Guy Thing

I started a post right before Christmas I never finished, so let me give you a little back story first.

I get paid from the lot on Mondays and my day job on Fridays. Neither one held a week. So my first check at the lot was the 17th for my first 4 days. When I went in Mr. T was at his desk he called me around he gave me a hug and said he knew I had only been there a few days but he didn’t want to leave me out. He gave me an envelope. He said he hoped I had a good Christmas and New Years, he was leaving for vacation before I worked again come Wednesday and wouldn’t be back until after New Years. They gave me a $50 Christmas bonus. They didn’t have to and it was really nice of them.

Friday rolls around I get paid from my day job. They keep telling me how great I am doing, how business has picked way up, they don’t have to worry about anything, I’m the boss just handle it all how ever it needs to be they will back me up. How glad they are they found me, the dad always saying how much they need me and I do, I can’t leave.

I was told I could get bonus each week when I started. I was getting anywhere from $30 to $50 then it started being $20 a week. I never said anything. It has been that a bit now.

Friday before Christmas rolls around and they pay me. I leave and count my money when I get in the truck. They gave me $50 more than my normal pay. If you figure I get $20 extra most weeks that works out to a $30 bonus. To say I was a little upset would be an understatement. I was a little hurt and very ticked off.

Maybe they gave it as $50 no bonus for the week and maybe they were just looking at how long I had been there. About 2 months. I can understand if that is all they are looking at how they came to that amount. I do not know.  I do know a lot of factors play into the amount and things. I think that is where the idea or discrepancies came into play. Thinking about the bonus I use to get and the Christmas ones I would get. When I worked for a small family ran company like this in the past who would tell me how great of a job I was doing and things. And I am thankful for what they gave me here don’t get me wrong. It was just a surprise and felt like a smack in the face. Unappreciated I think is what it boils down to, thinking about it now. They say all this but do they really mean it? Do they really see you as the person or just a spot to be filled. If so what a way to show it throw $50 at you like we had to give you something so here.

I see bonus as showing someone you do notice the extra they do or that they really do add to your company and how much you value them for that. For their job performance over all.

Let me stop and say I am grateful for what they gave me. I know they did not have to give me anything at all. That I need to stop and think about things before getting upset or hurt over them. Because there is always a different perspective than our own to consider. It could just be a guy thing. Maybe they just don’t think about it and do their own thing.

I say that because while they didn’t give me much for a Christmas bonus, they turned around and not only got my phone on but took over that bill. That was something they did on their own and did not have to do at all. But they found out it was off and decided to do it. They considered that I was going to be losing money to taxes and things as well. They could of gave me a raise but it would just be taxed too and my phone still off and it would not of been as much in the end by the time they took everything out.

Something else they said or done since that they didn’t have to or could of even gotten mad about. But they didn’t, I remember thinking it isn’t me, they really don’t mean anything by things. They are just your typical guy who mean well but don’t always think about things sometimes. They are both single just winging it and have never really had an employee before.

I know a lot of what I got in bonus came from the wife of the one owner having input. They had more money to give and play with because of the kind of work. But I also know they could of done more. I wasn’t expecting a lot I am new or what. But even before I got a bonus from the lot I figured the shop would give me $100 probably. Maybe a little more.

But I am okay with it because I think they really do care and are just guys fumbling through. That we just see and do things differenly. I know they really are glad I am there and grateful and happy with all I do. The one tells me all the time he don’t know how I do it and he couldn’t. Talking about all the phone calls I make. I have wore out a phone already too.

Another New Year Upon Us

I hope you all had a nice safe New Year’s Eve. Relaxe and enjoy your day with the one’s the bring you peace and joy.

The kid’s and I pllayed games from about 8/9pm Sunday night until 4am Monday. We then went to bed and slept until 1 pm. We needed it, we’ve not spent time like that in a very long time. After we got up and had lunch we went to Bff’s house for awhile. Oldest decided to stay there tonight.

I took the other kids to Stake & Shake. I didn’t have the money but I was thinking kids eat free. I would pay for me and 2nd oldest and that would be it. Boy was I wrong, not wrong I just messed up. It was Monday not Sunday. I am not use to being off on a week day. So I ended up paying for all of us. But oh well, they enjoyed it and it’s not like we do it all the time. It was $20.

Tomorrow we are supposes to go to the park and over to Bff’s for dinner. The kids are excited. They were today too getting to play with her kids and thinbgs. It was nice just getting to sit and talk face to face. We hardly ever get to see each other since I been working during the week. Before when I had week days off we would get to hang out and things. Now I am only off on the weekend and she is busy with her kids and hubby i am busy with the kids and work Saturday’s.

But it should be a nice New Years day following a nice New Years Eve.

A Little Disappointed

I was going to go see my old friend today after I had the kids settled for the night. Then yesterday while I was at work he messaged and asked if I could hang out last night? I told him no because I really couldn’t he said he was leaving this afternoon to go to WV to his dads.

I thought he was leaving Wednesday to go. I had already planned to go this evening and see him before he went. Now I messed up and missed going. I guess I will just have to wait until he gets back now because he will be gone before I get off.

Don’t know why it bothers me I don’t get to see him before he leaves but it does. I was going to see him the other night but I thought he was busy so made other plans. I still had plan to go see him tonight as well. I had not told him just in case I wasn’t able to. Guess I should ask him when he is coming home. I know he told me the other night but I don’t remember. Probably better to go then anyway.

No Trick or Treating

We are not going this year. I am not into it and do not want to spend almost $150 on costumes. They are only going to be used a few hours to collect candy that is going to lay in the pantry until Christmas or New Years before it gets tossed out. The costumes will just be tossed around never seen or used again.

I am going to get paid from both jobs on Friday I think I should have enough left to take them to the fair Monday or Tuesday. I can’t afford to do both and the fair they will have way more fun at. We spend hours 3 or 4 there sometimes. Kids can run from one ride to the next with no lines. If they don’t want to get off they can stay and go again.

I was talking to Sleeping Beauty yesterday and he said something about trick or treating. I said we weren’t going. He said what no you got to take them come on now. I told him about taking them to the fair. He said oh and that was a good idea. He said he wanted to go but no one wanted to. I told him come go with us he said he was. We will see.

I hope I can swing it. I probably will not be playing games or buying a ton of food but they have fun just riding. It is nice because everyone pays to get in then ride all the rides you want and watch the shows for free.

We went the last two years, last year we went with BFF and her family. I did the bullriding lol. Lord I forgot about that, I will have to make sure to have enough for the kids to do that too. RC started it with oldest and now the other kids want to now they are older. She does it every fair we go to now. I will have to challenge Sleeping Beauty lol. This might get interesting ha ha.

Stuck at Work

Last night I was stuck at work with no ride home. I asked everyone I could think of. I messaged my friend and ask him if he gotten a car this weekend he said no. I even called Starfish hoping he went out after work and was around. I figired I give whoever he was with gas money maybe they give me a ride. I was desperate and really did not want to walk all that way in the dark. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was in town or through towns but it isn’t. It is about a 25 minute drive. One way down the main highway over bridges your not even supposed to walk out there the other way is a main big raod that goes through from the beach to the other county. Its pretty dark on most of it and no side walks. But I didn’t have $100 or more for a cab and wouldn’t pay it if I did. I just paid $35 to take my little one to the er and back the other night. I know they jave wear tear on their cars and gas and all that but the prices they charge really is a lot. I have no idea how they stay in business. I can drive my huge truck 20 some miles on $5. They charge $35 for a 10 mile or less round trip.

I posted asking if anyone could pick me up and i got call a cab. Even after saying I did not have money to call one. I finished up working and clocked out locked up. Went outside to sit down a few minutes I was tired and wore out. About that time my bff messaged me ask where I was it been about an hour since I posted asking for a ride. I told her work still. She said she was leaving her moms and was on her way.

She got there she said she not been on line amd had no idea I had posted another friend of hers seen it and called her.

I had already decided I was going to most likely call and tell them I could not make it today because I had no ride. My boss messaged me about something i forgot to tell him about. I told him I was looking for rides to get there. It was hours before I had to be there. He called said it was slow he may just call it and close or do it by appointment and go in if he got calls to keep him updated and he would me. Hour or so before I had to be there told him I was still looking for a rode everyone is busy or away. He messaged back and said to enjoy the holiday with my kids. I see he has one room at 5 and had a couple this morning. I guess he is probably just going in for those. I was surprised.

I am glad because I have been so stressed over this job the last few weeks with talking to the owner and the boss being in a mood because they are coming down on him. Afert saying he was going to get rid of me because of not having a ride I figured today would make him mad he say I did it because its a holiday. I figured the owner would be mad as well I didn’t want that because he seems decent so far and like he really cares. I like the job and think I can make it work if he changes things.