Single___Parent___Life











{June 29, 2015}   No Respect

I’m beyond hurt and angry right now. I am going to post this all just as I write it to someone else earlier. I still feel upset hurt and in disbelief. But I really guess I shouldn’t considering the past. I guess it makes it harder that she is really all I have left since my dad past a way. I feel as if I really don’t have any family any more. I thought she had changed some and things would be different this time but I guess not. When she was told no and she couldn’t do what she wanted or as she please with my kids and take over it was to much for her. I really do just wish I had the money to pack up leave and not look back because I wouldn’t not one bit. I feel as if it is jut me and my kids that’s it. Father of the years side of the family has nothing to do with them, they see them maybe twice a year they do for one and not the rest. My mom this is the kind of shit she dose. I think tonight is the worse she has been or said at one time to me. I don’t know if things can ever be the same or even on speaking seeing terms for holidays or anything. I really don’t know what I am supposed to say to something like that. There really isn’t nothing you can because nothing is going to make someone like that think any different or see things any different. It’s all about them.

Feeling so upset hurt. I got in a huge fight with my mom a little bit ago. She said I can’t home school my kids I don’t have the education I need to do it. How I can’t spell and all kinds of really hurtful things. I graduated high school, have been a licensed massaged therapist passed the class with an A or B over all. I have taken a class to do income tax for the big tax company here and passed it with a A over all. I have taken classes to be a bail bondsman and had my license and to be a duola. I just started this summer with two classes at our local collage to get my AA so that I can go on to get my masters. I am taking Comp 1 all writing and personal finance. I am 4 points from an A in my comp class, only reason I don’t have an A is because I didn’t do one reply on a board. I didn’t pass the college placement for math but did for the writing. But I haven’t been in “school” in 15 years and didn’t do a lot of the algebra and things back then. I did struggle with spelling for a long time but have really worked on it and I may not be 100% spot on with every word out there but for the most part I do fine. If I didn’t I couldn’t be getting an A in my comp class. It’s all writing and they take off for spelling and everything. All I get told on my work is great job. I am single mom trying to go back to work and then she is telling me well your not going to have time to do it around work your own schooling, keeping up the house and things. I told her I could do it on my days off and in the evening. They are 9 and 11 they could do what they can on their own and I could work with them on days off after work before work with things they don’t understand and to make sure they are doing it and things. She tells me if I can give it to them and they can work with it on their own then they aren’t learning anything and they already know it. That they aren’t going to get an education and no college is going to take them that they are never going to pass the test to get in. How they have no friends and don’t go anywhere. They didn’t have friends in school they were always upset with being bullied my dd to the point of not eating hiding food and losing weight over it at one time. With my ex moving out money has been tight lately and we haven’t done a lot of filed trips or outings. We do have a home school group that we are a part of and try to do things with when I can and they have a park day that we go to when they want to go. She say’s they tell her they want to go back to school and they are just afraid to tell me. We talk about it all the time and they don’t want to go back. They just go along with her when they are there and she is saying this that and the other and I am not around because that’s just how she is if you don’t agree then its’ why your wrong and all this. My dd begged to go to camp for months then few days before time to go she is with my mom and on the phone telling me she don’t want to go and all upset. My mom says because she seen all these kids and people who drawn because they didn’t know how to swim and she can’t swim and they are going in paddle boats with life jackets and swimming in the pool so she probably will drawn too. They have to take a swim test before they can go in the pool and it is on her paperwork that she can’t swim. I was horrible for sending them to camp at all to start with because they wouldn’t be at home where I knew what was going on every minute and someone could do something to them if they didn’t drawn. She would never send her kids off like that or never let them do that. She wouldn’t we were not allowed to do girl scouts, camp with church sleep overs play dates nothing. We were either with her or my grandma at all times or my dad 24/7 if we were not at school. So since I don’t do things the way she says then its all wrong. I am just so frustrated we got in huge argument over the phone she called me to finish telling me all this stuff at after saying most of it to me at her house in front of my kids. talking about how I am going to go to jail if I don’t keep every paper they ever do and if they don’t do every lesson in every chapter then yeah my kids probably do want to go back to school if they are afraid I’m going to go to jail. Who wouldn’t to keep their mom out of trouble. I just feel so bad and so angry I’ve just sat and cried that is my mom of all people.

I just feel like I have done all this with no help or support from her and then she sits and basically calls me stupid when she has no clue. Then wonders why my brother has nothing to do with her and me and my sister have very little to do with her. She been better lately and I thought she was starting to realise but I guess it was all just because she needed help and because she thought she was going to dictate how things were going to be and she could take over and do it all, since I am so stupid in her opinion. If it was anyone else I would have nothing to do with them and cut them off a long time ago. I had been having very little to do with her for a while talk here and there on the phone stop in once in a while. Then with my dad passing so unexpected and things and all the should of wish I’s I and we had a really close relationship I felt I should try again to be closer and to at least try and talk to her go see her more or what. But then this. I don’t understand how any one can treat someone like she treats people and see nothing wrong with it or as it is them who is wrong or has a problem. My dad may not agreed with some of the things I did but he never talk to me that way or treated me that way or make me feel bad. If it came up he say well just be careful or make sure your doing what you need to or I don’t know if I would do that but it sounds like you have thought about it planed it out and know what your getting into if you can handle it. not blow up and freak out because you didn’t do it just how he thought you should and because you thought different than him. If it worked great if not then ok you tried now figure out what to do. He was that way about everything and would help any way he could even if it wasn’t something he would do or how he would do it.

My oldest was home with us for a few days after the camp thing and did end up going to camp. I didn’t make her I told her if she really didn’t want to go then not to go but not to let all that grandma was saying scare her, that just because grandma wouldn’t xy and z didn’t mean that it was wrong to do. I told her even if she didn’t want to go to pack her stuff and bring it because camp was two hours away from home. That way if she got there and decided at last minute she did want to go she would have her stuff. She said no she wanted to go she wanted to try it at least once. She went wrote me a letter and said she was glad she listen to me and went because she was having fun. even with a minor issue she still wants to go back next year. she came home started telling grandma about zip lining and going up the pole and walking across the rope she told her she shouldn’t have done that and about some guy died a few months back doing something like that. I said yeah and some people get in a car accident and die going up the road to the store or see grandma. And there are way more car accidents than ropes course accidents or zip line accents. Things happen if your doing everything to be safe not doing something foolish or that you are not supposed to be you should be fine. But accidents happen we can’t live in fear of what if and never do anything. You just have to know that you are right with god and know that if something was to happen where you are going. I am a true believer that if it is your time to go you are going to go no matter where you are or what you are doing and if it isn’t your time your not going to. People of lived through some amazing things. Some have died doing some really simple ones you would never thin they would die doing. Its life I don’t want to see anything happen to my kids but I am not going to keep them in a bubble or teach them to live in fear and never try new things because of the what if’s. I lived my life that way growing up because even if I wanted to do something I was never allowed because of what if. I never force my kids to try something but I don’t stop them I tell them the good, bad worst case or whatever and the odds of that happening or what. They decide for their self.



{March 27, 2015}   We’ll Call It A Good Day

The home school group we meet up with and do things with sometimes had a park day today. They do them at least every two weeks and every week when it is nice out. We hadn’t been in a while with the holidays and everything we had going on. I thought of it the other day and decided to ask when the next one was. The one mom I met there said it was today. I really wanted to go until this morning. I just felt so tired and not like doing anything at all. I finally prided myself up about 45 minutes before we were supposed to be there and got everyone else up and ready and we went. Amazingly we stopped grabbed lunch and got gas and was only 5 minutes late getting there. They meet at one every one gets there as close to that as they can so not really late, but I figured we wouldn’t get there until at least 1:30.

I figured we would stay an hour or so and leave I wasn’t feeling like chasing the baby around or being out there in the heat forever. But I had told my little guy that we would go to the park today I knew he would be asking later. 6 1/2 hours later we left and came home.

There was the lady I know and her daughter there when we got there and two boys they picked up we had met before on a trip. Then a little while later another family came. My kids had a blast. there ended up being 6 boys and 6 girls of all ages.

The boys went and walked the trails and ran all over. The girls kidnapped my little bitty and I hardly seen her why we were there. They played with her and passed her around like a doll. Surprisingly enough she didn’t mind and had a blast as well. She I think was just enjoying all the little girls to play with.

We all kept saying we had to go and then just kept talking and talking. Then we got up to go and decided to take all the kids and walk the trails. After that we ended up back at the tables talking the kids back out playing. We finally had to pry them a way so we could get them home give them dinner and baths before it got late.

I am really glad that I did get up and go my kids had so much fun and It helped me a lot to just get out and talk to others about things other than the same old stuff that’s going on. We talked about how things have been going the last month they said the same thing the kids need time to cope and process things as well that we been doing the right things.

I did find out that it is going to cost me more than I thought for the classes I want to put the kids in next year. It is twice what I thought it would be. I am going to go to and informational meeting at the park next Thursday about it and to a open house next Tuesday. This way I can check it out see how it all works and make sure it is what I want.  Reading about it I think it is I just want to really see how it all works see how my kids do. It will be nice because they go over most everything there once a week in classes then you go over it more at home. I also have some math and other things picked out to work more one on one with them at home. Just to fill in the gaps and things they have to make things easier. She did say that I could set up a payment plan and pay it off that way. I have 3 that will be in the classes. I am hoping that my big boys scholarship will pick up and start paying for it as they pay for the books and things for the program but have denied peoples claims for the program. What good is the supplies if your not going to cover the program really. I hope my oldest likes it as she is talking about wanting to go back to school because she is listening to father of the year and my mother about how they aren’t sitting down with their nose in books for 8 hours a day and doing tons of workbook pages they must not be learning anything. Just because they aren’t doing tons of workbook pages or book reports on every book they read don’t mean they aren’t learning anything.

My oldest will read 20 to 30 god size books in a week. She is only 12, she remembers what she read and she can explain what she read and understands it all. If she can sit there and tell me the book chapter for chapter why do I need to make her sit down and write a book report? I don’t want to make her not want to read because she is going to have to do a written report. I want her to want to read and keep learning and enjoy reading. My son is the same way he don’t read as quick as her it takes him a few days to a week to finish a book but he can tell you cover to cover what it is about and everything you want to know. They both are always asking me why is this, why is that, how dose this work or what is this like. I tell them what I know then I tell them go look it up on line and go find some books to read about it. They will and they will research it for a day or two or a week until they have their questions answered. They will read something and come tell me did you know this or that about such and such. They look something up and they are right back it says this and about it how is that or do you really think it is that way. They will research to see if it really was or how it is. If I made them sit down and write about all they find they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t want to look stuff up. I hated having to research stuff and writing reports in school. It got to where I read the first chapter or two then one or two in the middle and the last chapter of books. That way I had idea of what the book was about what happen and how it ended so I could write the report. If I needed to make since out of something I would read few pages to figure it out and keep moving. Because we weren’t allowed to read just for enjoyment or read and go over it in class we had to write this report. They started their blogs, well made their blogs to keep track of the things we did for school. I did tell them when we started really working with them they could write reviews about their books they read on there for a post and maybe have discussion about it with others who have read it. They thought that was a good idea. Even if they just write a review of it and post it will help get people to look at their blogs and build followers. But even though don’t need to be on every book they read. I’m ok with their review they give me and I would like them to start keeping a list of all the books they finish just so that I do have it for my records in case I ever need it and so I can see what they are reading and like what books we have and don’t have. That way when I go to book sales and I’m out other places I can see what we have what is in line with other stuff they are reading they might be interested in.

But over all I got out of bed and got out of the house and did something I haven’t done in a while. I am happy about. It wasn’t easy but I did it. I also went to bible study at church last night as well. Two out of two I think I am doing pretty good. Because I really didn’t have to do either one. The house was in pretty decent shape when the therapist came this week as well. Didn’t look like a tornado went through or cluttered mess everywhere. Slowly but surely this too I will get through.

 



{October 15, 2014}   Catching Up

I can’t believe it has been over a month since I posted. It has been one hell of a month and a half. As you all know I decided to pull the kids out of school and home school them right before school started back. We decided to take the first month off and just relaxed. September’s lessons were all planed around September 11. I wanted them to really understand it and how where AL Qaeda  started and things like that. Then we did lessons on September 11 and then about the memorials for September 11. I was trying to put together lessons for October and it has been a flop. My oldest is a way staying with her great grandma so I just printed her workbook pages to do why she is gone. She don’t care if she misses things that we do she is more of a just give me the pages let me get them done. I am having a horrible time finding what works for my son. We have went to try and get services with the school board for speech, language and ot. They have been  pleasant to say the least. They are asking questions and things about what he is learning. I have no clue what level he is really on they are pushing math and I have to keep bumping him back to keep from having melt downs and him from freezing up. I finally bumped him back to 1 st grade. We go Friday to get him and my oldest tested to see where they are and where there are gaps that need to be filled in. I am in the process of trying to get a scholarship for him. I am praying I get it because if I do then I can hire a tutor to help him with his math. It will open up more options for curriculum that I can get for him.

My youngest had a 3 hours evaluation last month to see what services they are willing to offer him. I am hoping that they will put him in school but I don’t know if they are going to or not. We finally go to a meeting on Halloween to see what they are willing to offer. Who knows how long it will take them to start them, probably won’t be until school is about to get out knowing them.

Things haven’t been great between me and father of the year. We went camping two Friday’s ago and it was just a breaking point.  The trip was great minus him being there and the huge fight we had all day before we went. I am having problems with the transmission in my truck. I had to borrow my dads van to go on the trip. I told father of the year we needed to leave by 3 to get to where we were going on time. He tells them at work he will work until 2:30. We talked about it and that I would get my dads van the day before so that we could get it packed and all we would have to do is drop the dog off and go. I went and got it and spent the day running around trying to get everything taken care of that needed to be done before we left. He didn’t get home until about 8 that night I told him we needed to get some clothes washed and things packed and the truck packed so we could leave and get there on time. He just ate and walked off and laid down with the little one. I asked him for the suit cases and he said he didn’t know where they were. He didn’t offer to find them or do anything else. The next day things just got worse at time I should be leaving he tells me when I still haven’t found the suit case that oh he forgot it is baried in his closet full of his stuff. When he got home things just got much much worse.

Then he sat here yelling and screaming at me how I don’t care about my son and how I am and what I am again. I told him how much I really hated him and hated him being here and that I want him out of the house and to get his own place that he needs to grow up be a man and stop making everyone miserable. He started about RC and how he was and needed to do and why we aren’t together why he was talking about how I was. My poor little guy was tell him not to yell at his mommy and to leave me alone. I know my older son could hear all that was said and going on. I feel so horrible over it all. We were in other rooms but when father of the year is yelling it as loud as he could and punching holes in doors.

We got in another big fight again Monday because he won’t find a place. He just keeps making excuses like always and talking about how he is just so worried about the kids. He wants to make sure the kids have a place. Really if he wanted to make sure they had a place then he would have filled out the paper work and turned in to keep the house they had lived in most their life. He was hell set on keeping it until they needed a place to stay then stopped trying to keep it and let them take it. leaving us homeless at the holidays. Or when we were in the last house and he would piss the money a way til everything got behind and we lost the place. Refused to come home so that I could go to work. all the same old stuff that he still dose. Like now sitting over there sleeping on the couch in a pill of clothes that needs to be folded. A bunch of stuff that needs to be done with the therapist coming tomorrow. I have said something a few times since he came in and he just looks at me and walks off. There is so much that needs to be done and he says well just do it. I don’t care. Of course he don’t. Would mean he don’t have to do anything but walk in and out as he pleases have a maid, cook, and babysitter like old times. I take care of everything with bills, schooling, doctors, kids, meetings for services, trips with the kids and the home school group. He had a fit because I didn’t have a sitter for the kids why I had to take one to their meeting and he had to take a couple hours off work. Got mad because they were pissed because he asked the day before. He knew that he needed to be here with them weeks before but didn’t bother to ask until the day before. The other meeting I had he showed up at time for us to be there before he come pulling up.

I can’t take it any more living like this. Friday before we left for camping I was locked in the bathroom sitting on the floor with three of the other kids running around doing whatever. I told him and my friend that I was done. I was calling RC and telling him that he needed to get the baby I would drive her to him or whatever but that I was done doing it. I told father of the year that I was calling him to come and get her and that he needed to come be with the other three because I wasn’t doing this any more. So then he had a fit about that and that I couldn’t call her dad and send her to stay with him blah blah. How horrible I was and how I am. He acts like it is such a horrible thing that I think they should be helping and being fathers to their kids. That I am a horrible person because I can’t be here and do this all 24/7 and never be a way from the kids for even an hour or two. If I get time with out them that I am not rushing to get back home or being called and pestered about coming home more than once a year it is a miracle and I am a horrible person for it. But they walk off and either never come around call or pay a penny for anything or stick around and be complete ass and do nothing but make things harder than they already are or have to be.

My friend J’s husband got a job at the shop where father of the year tows for. I have heard how horrible I am how horrible poor father of the year of the year is treated and how horrible I am. And of course the pity party for him. Yet again I am left being the one that is wrong he is Mr. Wonderful. God only knows what RC told them so I am sure they all really think I am who knows what and only makes them feel that much sorrier for him. Although I’m the one here doing it all why they flit around and do nothing or be asses. I guess I should get off here and spent the night doing things that need to be done around here. Because if I don’t do them myself they will never get done. I have been so depressed that all I want to do is sleep and as soon as I get the baby a sleep at night I go to sleep too. Big reason I haven’t been on in so long. I promise I will try be back more.



{July 26, 2014}   It’s Unofficially Official

Yesterday we went to the local school a couple houses down to see about my oldest taking a gifted class if we decided to home school. They told me they weren’t sure how it all worked and that the person I needed to talk with was in a meeting. I had somewhere to be so I told her I would come back today. She said she talked to them and they said I had to start at the school board and work back to them. I told her that was fine I would go there next week. She said she was going to call them. She did and the lady said that she was going to email her a paper over for me to fill out and then they could just send it in so I didn’t have to go all the way down there. She sent it right over she printed two out and gave me. I filled them all out and gave them back. So they are now officially with drawn from school and considered to be homeschooling.

She didn’t find out about the class my oldest wanted to take so I called them as we were walking home and they are telling me she can’t do that until she is a grade up. I have to figure out if there is a way we can do it because we are going to be doing that grade at home but if she was in school she would be a grade behind where we are going to be starting. I am going to wait to get the letter back from them before I dig into it more. I think I am just going to go back to the store talk to them and fill out papers and send her as long as they take her. The laws say they have to offer it and let her come.

It is crazy because I feel this is the right way to go with them and probably the best for them. But I still don’t want to tell everyone what we are doing because i don’t want to hear it from everyone. The biggest thing that bothers me is something that shouldn’t bother me or even make a difference at all. It is my life and my kids life and it is up to me to make the best decisions for them and do what is best for them. But I keep second guessing myself and dreading hearing it from everyone else. But I guess that is what happens when your are The Girl. You always deal with that nagging voice in the back of your head. No matter how much you try to ignore it or not listen to it. It is always there and always telling you your not good enough or you can’t do it.

So for now it is official with the school board but, it is unofficial with everyone else.



This isn’t something I ever thought I would have to consider before I had kids. It was pretty cut and dry they would be in public school. I had my reasons for feeling this way and still feel this way to a point. They all have their good and their bad but it seems that they are all are about on the same level anymore.

I didn’t like the idea of private school because all though the kids seem to get a good academic education, they seem to come out kind of clueless about every day life and  dealing with people and situations. I went to school with a lot of kids in middle and high school who went to private school. They were smart but when it came to coping and functioning and dealing with others and everyday life they were lost. They seemed to be very sheltered to how things really work and the way people are. I have talked to other parents who felt the same way that private school just shelter the kids to much.

Home schooling is good but I feel that it don’t give the kids a chance to really develop that independence that going to school making friends going to school functions and things give kids that are in school. I also feel that the home schooled kids missed out on a lot that kids in school didn’t like trips, clubs and activities. They were a little sheltered as well. But I know that the sheltered thing has a lot to do with the parents and how involved they want their child to be in things and how much they put into making sure they learn the dealings with other people and everyday things. I think a lot had to do with so few people were home schooling as well. There were less chances at getting kids together with other kids in the area to let them make friends or do different things with like you would do at school.

I do believe that as home school continues to evolve that it is going to out number the kids who are in public and private schools. I am coming to think that with the changes that home schooling is more the way to go as well.

I use to feel that you could get a good education at most public schools. If you got into a good one and you had parents that care. You get the peer interaction and are there with a diverse population of people. You don’t have to like the things other people do nor they have to like the things that you do. But you all do have to learn to co exist and  get through it. School is not any different than a job or anything else in life.

I have heard a lot of people say I don’t want my kid to be exposed to the things that go on in public schools. There are to many drugs, clicks, sex, kids getting in trouble and doing what they want to do. Number one if you think these things are not happening in private school you are very miss informed. The difference between public and private is this. Public schools don’t hide it can’t hide it like private schools do. Private schools try to hide it brush it under the rug through it out and make it go a way. Public schools try to come up with ways to stop the problems and educate the kids about this stuff as private tries to pretend it don’t happen or exist.  Some of the things they are sheltered from.

I would rather my kids learn about these things and learn how to handle them and avoid them their self now than be clueless as an adult. It comes down to being active and teaching your kids what you expect of them and about the bad things out there. Not shelter them from it all their life and then toss them out there in the middle of it all when they are adults to figure it out. I have seen so many who went through private school and home school with the very over protective and sheltering parents. They just don’t do well they get into a lot of bed situations or avoid taken care of things because they just don’t know how. I have seen this up close and personal with my sisters and with a few good friends.

Like I said this is not all kids that go to private or home school but it seems to be a good amount of them. I am sure a lot of it has to do with the area that I am in too. But these are my reason for not wanting to do home school or private school. But I can tell you that my opinions and out look are really starting to change.



et cetera
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