Single___Parent___Life











{February 9, 2017}   A Little Privacy Please

How much privacy do you give your kids? Is it different depending on age? How and in what areas? This came up today and has in the past in a parenting group that I am in on line. I am shocked at the responses that everyone but a few give. Topic of the day was cell phones and text.

A mom had taken away her 13 daughters phone because she was on it when she was told not to be. Okay fine would do the same thing, but then mom goes through the phone and reads the daughters text between her and her 14 year old friend. She seen a conversation about sex. She waned to talk to her about it but not break her trust and make her feel she invaded her privacy.

Everyone jumped in saying she has no privacy and is entitled to none she is living in her house she is paying the bill. Tell her she can’t talk to the friend anymore, tell her that what she was talking about was not appropriate for her to be talking about, block the friend so she can’t call her text and don’t let her go around said friend anymore. How their kids are not allowed to have anything private they read and look at anything and everything at any given time and their kids know it, their friends know as well. That if they want privacy they can have it when they move out, just on and on. I was not the popular one in the mix I am sure and was super surprised I didn’t get jumped all over and hung out to dry.

I said I wouldn’t tell her I read her text, I would sit down and have a talk with her about sex or a more in depth talk about sex with her and talk about the things that were brought up in the text. I would let her know how I feel about them and my beliefs and let her know that she could ask any questions at anytime I would be there to talk about whatever with her. I also said that I was not surprised at all by the topic of conversation if the other girl went to pubic school because of the things I heard first hand in the halls, from friends kids and their parents about what they come home from school talking about from about 4th grade and up. That I would not tell her that she could not talk to this friend anymore or see her because it was just a normal topic of conversation that was going to come up and even more as she got older between her and her friends if not this one another one. It is true I don’t care what school your child goes to if it is public or private even the odds are they are going to know about these things and be talking about them first hand rather you know it, like it or want it to happen or not.

I don’t feel taking all your kids privacy or giving them none to start with is the answer to keeping them from talking about things that you don’t want them to talk about or knowing about things you are not ready for them to know about. I think that trust, privacy and all of those things are something that a child gets until they give you a reason to worry or to not give it. Even then it depends why you feel they should not have it or it should not be given. It is a fine line that once you cross is hard to come back from and restore for a lot of people. It is’t something that should just be given and taken back and forth all the time when it comes to private things like phones, computers, tablets, going places, seeing friends, what friends they have even. I find these to be areas you really have to decide if that is a battle you want to pick because it isn’t done at this one incident it has lasting affects and repercussions. My kids have facebook and they message friends and family on there. Well my oldest 13 does when she has access to a computer or tablet. I set the account up for her long a go and gave her the password to it and things. It is private and people can’t friend her unless they know information that most people don’t know. She knows that she needs to ask me before she adds anyone to her page be it friends or family. She also knows that I have the password and that I can log in and look at it anytime I want. She also knows that I don’t check her messages or log in to her account. I did one time and that was when my dad was sick or just after she passed because her friends mom told me something she seen when her daughter and mine were talking or something her daughter said to her about something that was said between them. I talked to her and she said she was okay and that was about it. I just told her that her friend had said something to her mom or her mom had seen something they were saying and was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was alright. When me and the mom talked I told her what my daughter had said and she was  a little worried because she felt there was a little more to it or something was wrong. I logged on and read the messages between the two girls. Whatever it was I wasn’t really worried about it so I never said anything. She was only 11 at the time and she really don’t care if I check them she even told me she didn’t care. I told her I needed the password but that I wouldn’t use it unless I really felt that something was wrong with her or one of her friends they were in danger or something like that. My friend was worried then because of all we had been going through with my dad and my daughters having her problem with eating in the past and just something she said did’t sit well with her and she had a eating disorder growing up so she whatever was said kind of made her stop and worry. If it hadn’t been something like that I would have never looked at her stuff. I talked to her about it again later and told her what we were worried about and and that our friend was still not comfortable with the information she seen or heard because it was just pieces but enough to make her still worry. I ask her if she knew what she was talking about by the little that she knew and she said no not really. I asked her if we could look back at where they were talking and see if we could find what she was talking about and what was said to make it sound like something that we may be needed to be worried about? She said yes go ahead you have the password. I just told her I didn’t want to go behind her back and do it or not tell her that she could sit there with me and look through it. She said no I’m tired I am going to bed but if you want to look and see you can. I looked and whatever it was was a simple miss understanding but I was glad that my friend and her friend were worried enough to not just let it go knowing that she could say everything was fine and I not figure out until things were bad because my oldest keeps everything inside and not talk about it to much. She will say just like me I’m fine. She knows that there are just some things that you can’t not say anything about and you can’t get mad at a friend or someone for telling if you say it. She will tell her friends if it is something that someone needs to know about I am telling because I care to much to see something happen or you do something that may not ever be able to be undone or forgotten. I am going to tell my mom I am not going to lie to you about it or not tell you before hand but I have to. There are just somethings that we agree I can not keep secret and not tell, if I do then I will get in trouble. Thank God so far we have not had to worry about it. A lot of her friends and even my friends kids will come to me and talk to me about things. They know if I feel their parents need to know then we will go to them together and talk about it. And I have had a few come and want to talk and say I know your probably going to say you have to tell my parents but I need to talk or whatever. When they are done most the time it isn’t as bad as they think it is and I will tell them no we don’t have to tell your parents but if you want to and want me to I will go with you why you do, tell them for you or we can go talk to them together. Most don’t once or twice they say yeah they want to or that they are going too later. A lot of times the parents will tell me later so and so said you all talked to day and told me this or that. I just say yes and everything is good. I don’t get all into it unless they tell them something way off from what we talked about or what was said. My kids know they have a few of my friends that they can talk to instead of me but that the same rules apply as if it was their kid coming to me.

I can not imagine telling my kid they can’t talk to someone because of the subject they are talking about, they can’t be friends with someone because of the things they talk about or going through their stuff just because. It makes no since to me why people feel that teens should not have any privacy at all until they are grown and out of the house. To me that teaches them nothing about boundaries and things like that. Do they really think it is going to keep them from talking about these things? They can’t be there in person with them all the time to see what they are talking about. One person even said they will just hide sneak and delete text or messages off their stuff. Others were all saying it’s ok there is an app that will show deleted ones and there is an app that will send everyone to your phone or email every time a message or text is sent so you will still know. Who has enough time in a day to even sit and go through all that and read them all even if you done it once a week that is still a lot of messages to go through if your kid has a friend and that is the main way they get to talk and things. They even look at everything they look at on line or on the internet on their phones and computers. I seen so many say oh no my kid isn’t allowed to have any computer or internet we don’t have the in the house or use them I only use them to print school stuff out and do my own thing on the kids are not allowed to touch them. How is a child who is never allowed to use a computer supposed to learn to type and use one to do anything with or look things up to find out information or how to do basics with it to even be able to get a job when they are grown or go to collage? Or even use a phone if they are not allowed to have one? To me that is doing your kids a huge disservice and putting them at a huge disadvantage as much as computers are used now in just about everything you do in life.

I feel that if I can’t give my kid pricey and trust them with these things then I have not done my job as a parent. A child should be able to pick their friends, have private conversations be it in person, text or whatever form they decide. I feel that if you are to strict it is going to do just what you are trying to keep from happening to start with or at least keep them from being open and honest with you. My mom was this way and controlling I did not trust her, I told her nothing I hid everything no matter how simple or how large it was I told her nothing. She didn’t go through my stuff but if I left notes or something laying out she would read them and then have a fit about whatever was in them or who they were too. She didn’t like my friends and just on and on. I feel that I do not have to like my child’s friends or approve of them, I do not have to know everything they talk about. I trust that I have raised my kids to think for their self and to know right from wrong and to not just follow the crowd to be liked or fit in. You can be liked and fit in without doing everything the crowd is doing. If you have respect for yourself and your morals and values. Others who are friend will as well and not care if you don’t do everything they do. I had friends from every age, grade, gender, sexual orientation, race, social group or whatever you can think of when I was in High School and Jr High. Because I was like I am now this is me take it or leave it, you are you if your not a asshole then we can be friends. Most were more worried about their click or social circle and if you didn’t fit in then they couldn’t talk to you or sit with you. I was just that girl in the class that kept to herself and could careless what the rest of you were doing. If you talk to me I will talk to you but I am not going out of my way to talk to you or befriend you. You would be amazed how many just wanted someone to talk to about their problems at home or whatever and they all seemed to think I was the one person that they could do that with even though I wasn’t in their click or social group they ran in. I was very private and did not talk about my life or home or anything like that with many at all. There are people to this day that do not know who my brothers and sisters are and know us both. Because we are not close we don’t talk much and I didn’t hang around them or talk about them. I also only had very few people over and did things with very few even though I talked to and was known by a lot of kids at school. I did not consider myself popular I have not clue why everyone felt drawn to me and like they could just open up and dump their life story on me or all their problems at home on me. I guess maybe because I didn’t talk to everyone else or tell everyone else what we talked about or that we talked at all. I didn’t spread their business around school or judge them. What you do you do our relationship, friendship, class partner or whatever is biased on how you treat me.

I hope that my kids are able to do that and fit in and get a long with and include everyone. I tell them they can talk to me about anything and everything if they need to or want too. I can’t force them to or snoop in their stuff to find out what is going on. I have to trust that they are becoming adults and are going to need to learn how to function in the real world before they hit 18. So many of these parents are just like nope nothing until they are out of my house this is how it has been with all my kids and they are great whatever. But how close are you really to your kids? Like my mom will tell you how we get along and how close we are (maybe not now since I haven’t seen her in a while or talked to her) but over all most the time she will. She thinks she knows all about my life and what is going on in it and how I am. She really knows nothing. She knows very little of how my life really is, how I really feel about things, the things I really do, the people I talk to, “date” or “talk” to in that since or anything. Stuff she does know she isn’t told about until after the fact sometimes long after the fact. But most things she knows nothing about. She don’t know I have a friend I talk to or go see. She don’t know my oldest just dyed her hair teal tonight, she don’t know who I talk to as friend or if or when we go place. She don’t know if I am thinking about dating or if I want to date, she don’t know I am seeing a counselor the last 4 months or that I am on medication for it. She wasn’t happy I went to the hospital by myself and wanted to come. She don’t know why I went by myself and didn’t want her there or that I am planing on moving once I finish school or that I am thinking about moving up to where the therapist is going. She had no clue that when the storm came me and the kids were only going because we wanted to look for places to move not because we were worried the storm may hit us. I could have stayed here went across the street stayed in the shelter why the worse of it went over us and then came home in case a tree fell on the house. If I had known what was going to happen I would have. But if you hear her talk we have a great relationship talk about everything I tell her everything we are the perfect mother daughter. When she isn’t pissed off about something I have done she found out about. We live maybe 8 miles away. We have such a great relationship that she didn’t even know that my and Father of The Year were having any kind of problems much less about to file for a divorce and split up it was set in stone no turning back. She still has no clue what happen between me and RC why he did what he did. All she knows is what he told her and that is it. I really don’t care. I don’t feel it is really any of her business. She can believe what she wants to believe.

When I see all these parents talking about how they done it with their kids and how they had no privacy and how they are so strict and things and their relationships are great I just think how well do you really know your kid and how great is it? I wonder if their kids really do tell them everything and trust them or if like me they just don’t bring things up and don’t tell them things because of the way they are and they think they do?

I am not saying that what I am doing is the only way, right way 0r that I am better than anyone else because I give my kids privacy. Who knows if my kids will tell me things when they get older as they do now or if we will be close like I hope and that we are now. I like to think we will be the way they talk about not wanting to leave home or taking care of me when I am older and building me a house to live in next to theirs so I can still have my own house and not have to live with anyone because they know I like having my space and house. I can tell you when I was my older two kids age and even before all I could think about and talk about was how much I hated it at home, how much I wanted to live with my dad not my mom and that I couldn’t wait to move out on my own if I couldn’t live with my dad. I can still remember when we were younger and something was said about when my mom got old or needed someone to take care of her my sister who was about Big Guys age said she would take her and my step dad in and take care of them. My brother was “joking” about what nursing home he would put her in and I just got gone and stayed out of it. And how mad she got when I told her if she committed a crime I would turn her in if I found out. Not just here but anyone really but she was asking about her because of something we seen in the news or in the news paper.

I feel horrible can’t sleep and have a guest in my bed yet another night this week who is taking it all up. I am hot but it is already 77 in here if i turn it down cooler the kids will get cold. I have the fan on in my room because I am hot. Last night I didn’t think it was going to get cool and it did most everyone woke up with a sore throat. I try to set the heat one or two below what we normally keep it in here at night just in case. I have so much I need to do tomorrow and I am going to just want to sleep if I don’t go soon. I may just take the kids to school come home sleep for a little bit then go do what I need too. I have ran non stop it seems like since Thursday or been sick I need a break and some sleep without knees in my back feet in my face elbows in the head. That isn’t going to happen unless they are at school. Little Bitty has been extra clingy lately I don’t know if it is because I am sick or what.



{July 22, 2016}   New Schools

I have found schools for the kids, now I just have to get all the paperwork and money in before the spots fill up. I have to take the papers in for the little ones tomorrow. I went in yesterday and they said they had two openings for my Little Bitty’s age and about 6 for my Little Guy’s age. I was supposed to take the papers back today but to much crap happen and I didn’t make it. I am going to drop Little Guy at school, grab my friend and then fill the papers out and go drop them off. I wish all 4 were going there it would be so nice, but I don’t feel their program for the bigger kids is as good as it is for the little ones. I feel it could be better for the bigger ones and that the guy didn’t even want to check into my sons scholarship or anything about taking it so he couldn’t go there anyway.

I found a school that looked good me and the kids went and checked it out Tuesday. They really liked it and I think it will be a good fit for them. It is a really small school only 26 kids. They take grades 1-12th. The kids don’t care they like that it is so small and the teachers can give them more one on one help. I think we all really liked it because it isn’t much different than use homeschooling other than they go there with other kids and teachers instead of me doing it. They do their work in their subjects in the morning, then in the afternoon they work on projects, life skills, experiments and different things like that. They have their own Boy Scout troop and if they have enough girls a Girl Scout troop. If not the girls do the things with the boys. They also have someone that comes in to do some of the life skills, she teaches them to cook, shop, money, budgets and things like that. They have chapel once a week and go on field trips.

She said if there is a holiday they do it, they have a big breakfast for St Patrick’s day, a family dinner for Thanksgiving, I think I seen they do a float in the Christmas parade even. She told me about days they close that other schools don’t and all that. Most of them are for training, she takes everyone so they can spit up and get more out of it and teach each other what they learned. They take special needs kids, gifted kids and everything in between. They all work together no matter what they have, don’t have or their needs, age, or grade. They get together and do projects or work on things as well as their other work.

I told her how my oldest tested really high in a lot of things and how she tested out at all most three years into college for reading, but scored low on math and that it has been both of their weak points. I told her that my Big Guy had not done so great on his test but I didn’t feel it was right because he had tested higher before, how I seen him looking off into space and the other kids said he was drawing on his paper during parts of it. She was shocked at my oldest testing so high on her reading. She said not to worry about my other one that they would be doing their own test. She never said when they needed to do their test I thought before we left and ask her if I needed to set a time to come in so they could do it in the next week or so since they were starting soon? She said no, they don’t test them before school starts. She said that once school starts they take a day or so to test them. She said they don’t tell them they are testing them they just tell them this is their work for the day and give them the test and let them take it. They don’t time it or anything. They want to really see what they know and what they don’t or where there are gaps that need to be filled in. She said when they would test them before school started they would test order all their books then when school started and they put them in front of the kids they would be clueless how to do the work or they would fly through it. She said they just guess and mark whatever on the test to get it done or were to nerves and not do good on it. So they switched to doing it this way and just giving it to them as their work for the day not calling it a test and they got better results and was able to really tell what level the kids where on in each subject and where they needed help and things.

That was something else I liked about it because they test for each subject as well and place them at grade level for each subject not just at grade level by how old you are so you should be in this grade or your not good in math so you have to go back to this grade until you get it. That is what a lot of the schools told me they would hold them back or bump them back grades just because they didn’t know math. A lot don’t have tutors either. Here they offer free tutoring a half hour twice a week and then you can also pay for it if they need more, in addition to what they get in school.

Like I told them my oldest has always been advanced when she was younger it wasn’t to big of a deal in school, by the time she hit 4th it was starting to be a problem. She say to me mom the teacher handed me this book that’s like 100 pages and 6 or 8 chapters and told us all to read chapter one for homework. The next day we get to school I have finished the book and the rest of the kids haven’t even read but half the first chapter if that, so then I have to sit there and wait while they read it out loud as a class or on their own before we can move on. Or mom I finish my work and sit there and wait while the kids take forever to do theirs. My favorite mom the teacher paired all the smart kids up with a stupid kid today. I said do not say that it is not nice. She said well not stupid but the ones who don’t do their work or goof off instead of doing their work. Now they are going to want to just copy our papers or we are going to get stuck doing all the work why they do nothing. She said I will help them but I am not doing all the work and I am not going to wait to do my work forever if they don’t do theirs or don’t keep up doing theirs I am going to do mine on my own and they can do theirs and I will tell the teacher that too. I don’t want a partner I want to work on my own I can get it done and over with faster than dragging it out forever.

She is like me in that since, if something needs to be done and it’s a your here and got to do it kind of things, I don’t want to take all day. I want to do it and get it done as quick as possible and move on to what needs to be done. I don’t slack or not do good work, I give it my all and do the best I can, but I do it quickly, I don’t take a million breaks or drag it out just because.

But anyway I think it they like it as well because it is a lot like what we do at home, they get to work at their level in everything and they get to do trips and things. My oldest is sold because she don’t have to wear uniforms and they have a microwave to heat her lunch up in.



{August 26, 2015}   Feel Like A Kid In A Candy Store

Is it crazy that I am so excited as I pick out the kids curriculum for this year? Last year we did unit studies I printed off line and some on line stuff. This Year I am buying their stuff with lessons and lesson plans already put together. We just open and start learning. I am so happy that my son got his scholarship and I am finally able to use it. After tons of research and pouring over everything I have decided on the biggest parts of what we will be learning I think.

We are going to be using a set called Sonlight, it will cover History, Bible, Language Arts, Vocabulary, Reading and I am also getting Science from them. It just comes in it’s own pack you buy extra.

I was really excited when I seen what I clicked on for Science. I was just looking at the age range on them and trying to decide what age range I wanted to start with. I picked one that looked like it fit a good age range and grade range for the kids. When I open it to see what it covered I didn’t even have to look at any others, I knew it was what we would be using this year. We will be learning about Health, Medicine and Human Anatomy. I had been looking at unit studies and things to teach about the human body. But I wanted to go into more detael than what most cover. This covers everything I wanted to cover and breaks it down just about the way I was looking at breaking it down.

I like it to because it isn’t just giving them a text book and tell them to read a chapter and do questions at the end. It is about 65 different books between the two sets that they will be reading and doing their lessons from. I just hope it last them the year because of the way they read. I figure with having to stop and do the lessons it should slow them down at least a little I hope. It’s nice because both kids will use the same two sets for the year they are put together to work with age and grade ranges. With them only being 20 months apart makes it easy to school them together. I don’t think my big boy will have a problem doing the work or keeping up but if he dose he can always work at his pace and she can keep working at hers. If it takes him two years to do the set that is ok too.

They are excited as I am to get started. I can’t order for a couple of weeks. I am going to see if father of the year can order it and I can go ahead and get it on its way because we like to start the day after labor day. They will let you order and make payments if he is able to do that then I can pay it off in couple weeks when I get money. I would just let him pay for it since he isn’t doing anything else but if I do that and he messes it up and don’t pay for it or something I will have a mess. I want to be able to order from them again later.

I can’t wait for them to get it and start I know they can’t they have been asking. I think this year is going to be a good year.

Then I think wow this is what life has become, I am excited over ordering curriculum to teach my kids at home instead of sending them to school. When did this happen? Private school and home school were two things I was never going to do. Private schools just seem to shelter and coddle the kids to much and home school was even more sheltered than private school kids. We have now ran the course of all three and I don’t know if we will ever go back to either of the first two. God sure open my eyes up and showed me.

I almost forgot I bet you are all going where is the math don’t they need to learn math and maybe some spelling. Of course they do and they are going to be. We decided to go with life of Fred for math and all about spelling for spelling.

I can’t wait to decide what to use for my two little ones yet. That will come in the next day or two.

 



{March 24, 2015}  

I haven’t written a lot the last month and a half. I am still struggling to deal with the loss of my dad. I have ok days and I have bad days. Don’t think I really have any good days. Maybe the ones where I get out of bed and do something, get dressed and leave the house. Really they are just ok days not like I do anything great just get everyone to their appointments and where they need to be. So we will stick with ok days and bad days. Seems best for now.

I did take the boys out and get them so clothes and myself a couple shirts that we have needed. I got the baby a couple dresses and a outfit. I still have to take my big girl shopping when she gets home. Really I did it because the baby was sleeping in her stroller and I didn’t want to be home. I bounce between not wanting to get out of bed to not wanting to be in the house and just having to get out. She wasn’t fussing and I had to go to the store anyway so we shopped.

I haven’t been food shopping and stocked the house in I can’t tell you when. I send father of the year to grab stuff to go with stuff we have to make meals or to get something to make. If I have to I will get out and go get it. I really got to get the house restocked it is costing way to much money. But the way I have felt the last thing I want to do is go shopping. I don’t like being around the crowds and dealing with the people.

I am starting to want to do something with the house it has gotten really out of control to the point of its bothering me I got to do something. Father of the year took his bed and some other stuff to his new place last night. We have been going through things in the kids room and the playroom.

I am getting rid of most everything in the play room. What they do get to keep is going in bins in their rooms in their closets. I have money sat aside to order bookshelves for out there to put all mine and the kids books on. I am ordering 4 of the tall ones and 4 of the smaller ones. The taller ones are for my books, while each of the kids will each get one of the smaller ones for their books and school stuff. I am also putting their desk out of their rooms in there and a desk for the computer. This way they each have a place to sit and do school work and keep their laptops. The other desk for the little kids. They are learning to use the computer right now it is on a table that sits up high with stools at it. I want it down where they can reach it not be up so high. This way they can work it better and I don’t have to worry about them falling.

I am so glad that father of the year is moving. This is it no matter what happens he is not going to be coming back here to stay. The office called me today about my lease it is up at the end of the month she wanted to know if I would be signing a new one or what. I told her I had to because right now I can’t move. Everything cost so much that I would have to pay 2 or $300 more in just rent I don’t have it. She said ok she was going to have them write it up and would get back to me we hung up. I thought as soon as we did that father of the year is on the lease. I called her back and told her that I wanted it in just my name so that he can’t just say he is on it he is moving back in. Because if he is on it I have to let him. She said she would send it in just my name he may have to sign a paper saying the deposit went to me or something like that. I’m not worried about it if he dose he dose if he don’t he don’t. They can give it all to him. It worth it to be rid of him. I don’t think it will be a problem. I haven’t told him I am signing a new lease or that he may have to sign anything. I am just going to wait see what happens. If he don’t have to go down sign anything then I am not going to tell him I signed a new one. He thinks I am looking for somewhere to move and just going to do a month to month. It isn’t a big deal but to me it is none of his business. I have had to tell him and deal with him on everything now I don’t. It has nothing to do with him it is mine to take care of and be responsible for.

I hope that he will be out by Wednesday or Thursday night. I can get everything out there set up. I have to wait on the bookshelves because I have to order them still and then they have to be brought. I wanted to order the little’s new car-seats but they were out of stock. If they are not back up by tomorrow I will probably just go ahead and order them place another order later.

Good news my little bitty is starting to potty train. As long as I let her run around naked she uses the potty. Yesterday she went to take a nap she was naked. I put a diaper on her once she goes to sleep just in case. I was laying on my bed reading a book forgot. about a hour after she went to sleep she got up went got on her little potty and pee then went back to sleep for a while. I was impressed because she still wakes up wet after naps and soaked in the morning. Lot of mornings I wake up she has gotten up in the night took her diaper off laid it on the floor and went back to sleep naked. Everyone says she is my child because she don’t like clothes.

The other kids are doing pretty good my oldest is staying with my mom for a little bit. She should be home by the weekend. The boys have been being boys. My 9 year old is growing up so fast he is going to be 10 in September he is starting to get attitude and lazy. Have been after him for weeks to clean his room he hasn’t. Finally his dad went in there and cleaned it for him yet again. He seems to not mind doing laundry so he has been on laundry duty the last few days. It has gotten neglected with the rest of the house. He seems to be getting on top of it. At least getting it washed and dried folded we have to work on. Right now it is on his sisters bed. At this point I feel if I have to go through their playroom and pick up clean up and get rid of stuff because they don’t and he has to clean their room they can wash the clothes. He is teaching his little brother how to do them and having him help. I shouldn’t have to try to catch them up and do everything else.

I am also taking part of this money and ordering all of next years homeschool stuff so that we have it and can start it when the time comes. I am going to get them started on a program on line to finish out the rest of this year and call it a year. The kids here get out the first of June. I think I will have them work until first of July and then give them July and August off start September like we did this year.

My mom is flipping out they haven’t done enough they aren’t learning and blah blah. I am not worried about it they say you should deschool at least a month for every year they were in school. That would be 9 around months for my oldest and 7 for my other. They both read all the time and are always looking stuff up on line they want to know about. We are going back to our homeschool group Thursday as well and I am going to a meeting about getting them both into Classical Conversations for next year. They only go for 24 weeks a year not 36 like the public schools I am sure by the time we get done this summer we will have at least that done for this year.

Saturday was a hard day when I went to get my dads tattoo. My friend went with me and sat there and talk to me why he did it we got on the subject of my dad all I could do was cry why he was doing it. He said he lost his mom when he was 12. I can’t imagine losing my parent that young. Hearing that makes me feel selfish because I did get so much time with my dad that people like him and other kids I know didn’t with their’s.

I’ve not been sleeping for a while now. It is different than when I can’t sleep other times. I get to sleep and start to sleep really good and all of a sudden wide awake for no reason and can’t get back to sleep. When I wake up I have only been sleeping for maybe 45 minutes at the most. I may fall a sleep here and there through the night but only for a few minutes and then up again. I finally fell asleep late in the night last night probably closer to this morning and sleep for a while. I got up once to give the baby a bottle and figured I be up after that but I felt so tired I went right back to sleep for hours more. But now here I sit at 11:50 pm wide awake again.

Trying to get the house moved around and back under control has been way more stressful than it should or has to be. I can’t left and move most of the stuff and need father of the year to get his stuff out of the way. I have been asking for a month or more for him to move his stuff pack it get it out of the way and help me move the other stuff and get it moved. He don’t or waits until late to start then cries and bitches that it is late he is sleepy he has to work in a few hours or waiting on calls he should be sleeping. But it don’t matter that he just had 2 days off and didn’t bother to do anything. Now that he finally has his stuff out he is supposed to help me get all the big stuffed moved to the room it goes in and my friend is going to come Wednesday and Thursday to help me move everything around go through it. We are getting everything ready for the relay for life yard sale so we can donate the money to it.

That all the fun that has been going on in my life the last few weeks month. I have done really good at not drinking I do have to say. I lay there at night and think if I just had a drink or two I would probably go to sleep and get a good nights sleep but I don’t. Or I sit here and try not to think about things and it just nags and nags me in the back of my mind that a drink would be really good right now how relaxed i would be and not so stressed out. It seems so crazy to me because I am not really a drinker her and there once in a while sitting around talking with friends or if I go out I might have a couple. Never when I am going through something like this other than the one night last month when I drank that one night. That is the first and only time I had ever drank like that. But lately I have wanted to more often than not. I am hoping getting us back into going to the homeschool meetings and starting school work again and getting the house in order will help turn things around make things seem less stressful.

I think I need to write more again as well it always seems to help me feel less stressed too. My goal I think will be to write at least every other day for now.



You know I don’t understand the state sometimes. They tell all these people they are going to give them this scholarship to send their kids to private school or homeschool them. If they have one of the special needs that’s on their list and your are one of the first 1800 to get approved. This isn’t why we started homeschooling, we started before I ever found out about it. We did apply when we found out and got approved and was awarded the money. But you also could not be enrolled in a public school. So some people had to pull their kids out of school who wanted to get it. Keep in mind these kids are special needs kids. They have different therapies and things they are getting through the school that is hard to get other places and some insurances won’t pay for. And they are waiting on this money to buy curriculum for the year to teach them or the money to put them in a school.

Here we are a month into the second semester of school for our area and the money is sitting there pretty much unable to be used. Others are still waiting to hear if they got it and have their accounts funded. We got our letter November/December and our founds were put into our account the end of December.

But the way they are doing it right now is that you have to buy the stuff upfront out of pocket and then turn your receipts into them and wait to be reimbursed. Wouldn’t be to big of a problem except for the fact that a lot of the curriculum is close to $100 or more. Then they don’t reimburse you in a few weeks or a month it’s whenever they get to it. They can’t tell you when that might be. Some people have waited months and months to get money back. Some are still waiting and have been waiting forever already. The math and spelling I want to use with the kids is around $400. But it is the books the extra stuff to go with it and all. I ordered the set of everything because I plan to use it with both kids and I plan to use it for more than just a year. It is set up to be used for years. The math on the other hand I figure we will finish in a year or less but not sure. I ordered the first 13 books and they have 20 lessons each. I figure the first couple they may finish faster than the others because it will be review probably for them. I also pan to ad some lessons and things to it. Them I plan to keep and put up for my little ones once they get ready to start schooling.

They are supposed to have a plan in place where you can send them a list of things that you want and what site you want them from they will order and send it to you. Well they took that a way before we ever got our funding and most people have yet to see the things they have asked for. Some just a few days ago said that they looked and it says their stuff was bought but is now being shipped to the scholarship place. How are they going to figure all that out and what goes to who once it gets there? It was supposed to be shipped straight to them. Who is going to now pay the shipping to get it from there to the people it was supposed to go to to start with. Is that going to come out of the scholarship now too? It shouldn’t because a lot of places have free shipping if it is over so much and when it don’t the shipping isn’t cheap because most stuff isn’t light. Why should we have to pay shipping when it was free or already paid for once?

We have done some school and the kids are learning everyday doing different things. We just don’t have a curriculum we are following right now or written work we are doing right now. They are more researching different things that they want to learn about or know about. My son was asking me today about the different presidents and why they did different things or who did what. I told him that would be great to look up and read about. It just so happens that not long after our talk we stopped at a little used store and found 8 nice books about 8 of the different ones. I got them all for us to use. They have a lot of information in them they are from one of the local jr high schools.

I wasn’t counting on the scholarship to buy stuff because, I decided and started schooling before I even knew about it and I really figured that when I applied it would be to late he wouldn’t get it. But then when they said he had it I figured I would use it to buy us some different things than what we been doing. What we had been doing really wasn’t working for us. I was going to find something else to use but then we got it so I figured instead of finding something else to use then changing again once we order our stuff and switching again this year I would just wait and we would have stuff by the end of the month. Well they haven’t even gotten the thing set up where we can really use it yet an we are almost to the end of the month. I already counted on using the summer to make up for time we took off but now it looks like we are going to run into next year’s school time before we get to finish. I am thinking about just schooling until November once we get our stuff then taking off November and December. Then start our new school year January. Then do the same and just start our new year the first of the year every year and take that break at the end for holidays and things. But I just thought I don’t know how that will work because we are thinking of starting a new program and I am not sure how they run their year. I guess I will figure that out once we look into it and decide.

But what about all these kids who need the founds to get thereapy for their kids and to buy stuff to teach them who are waiting because they said that you couldn’t have your child enrolled in public school and still get it. What are they going to say when they don’t have a portfolio together at the end of the year or don’t do good on the test if they decide to go that route since they didn’t have the stuff they needed to do school.

I understand that this is the first year they have done this. But why didn’t they figure all this stuff out before they put it out there for everyone to apply for it? At least let people leave their kids in school until they got it approved. Then give them so many days to take them out or something. It isn’t a huge big deal for us because with all that is going on with my dad we are taking a little extra time off. But I would like to get the stuff ordered why we are taking a break so that we can get started on it when we are ready to start back.



{December 12, 2014}   Scholarship News

As you all know my oldest son is autistic. This year because of a lot of things that have went on we decided to homeschool. I found out that there is a scholarship I could get to help buy things for school for him. We signed up at the end of September and have been waiting for them to go through all their steps and get the founding. We got our award letter pretty quickly but hadn’t heard anything else from them in a while. We are half way through the school year here. I wrote to them the other month and asked about it and they said founds would go out end of November or beginning of December. They didn’t say if that would be for everyone or just some and if some who it would be for.

I log in a few times a week to check to see if there is any changes but there haven’t been. I decided to email them tonight and ask them about it and if we could find out where we are on the list and when they think the funding would be granted for him.

I guess I should have checked my email first because when I got done I logged in and found one from a few days ago they sent. It said that they finished approving everything and that his money should be granted with in the next month. It said that they are waiting on their founding to come in so they can grant it.

Now I have to decide what curriculum to use for him for the next year and what I am going to finish our year out with this year.

It made me realise that I haven’t even thought about his scholarship and what would happen if or when we move. It is a state scholarship so I don’t know if once it is granted and we move if we can still use it or not. I guess it is something I am going to have to find out. Figure out what to do once we find out. If I we can’t still use it I guess I will order his curriculum for the next few years and other things that we want to use and put it up until we are ready. I’m just happy we got it because right now it is a huge help in getting the things he needs.



{December 4, 2014}   Short Changing Special Needs Kids

As you all know my son is autistic, he is considered aspergers or high functioning. I decided to homeschool him this year after having problems with his school last year and the school we are zoned for not really being that good. We have had problems at it before and pulled both kids out in the past. They have been in two different schools towns apart for the last 4 years. Between the lies at my sons school. My daughter having trouble with the new common core at her school and bring lice home once a month. I decided that it was no longer to our advantage to make a 50 mile or more round trip to take them to and from schools that were not meeting their needs. I talk to the therapist and things about other schools and what ones seem to really work with kids with special needs. And heard the same as what I had found when researching them and checking into them myself and having a friend who’s son has been going to them. Not many really offer services. They say they do to get the money and the scholarships, grants and things like that but when it comes down to them really being able to handle the kids they take on they can’t. They are getting a way with not trying to so they just push them through because of the no child left behind and all that. It don’t matter if they learn the stuff or not they just pass them on. What are they really getting out of that? If they aren’t learning it they finish not much better off than when they started.

We went in September to see what services they offer for my son since we started homeschooling and were no longer in private school. Because here it is hard to get services outside of the school board. I went to the meeting they told me his IEP was up for review. They said that they couldn’t offer any services under the iep because he was not enrolled in school. They said they couldn’t offer services under the service plan because he was no longer in private school. They went on to explain in great detail this other way we could go about getting services. But they told me over and over that he may test out of services because he didn’t have a “real teacher” to do his evaluations. Well I am his teacher and who knows their child better than their parent? I told them fine do all the reviews and things they wanted because I had no doubt that he would still show needing services on their test they done even if they didn’t think so from mine.

They went into all this detail about the program and services they were testing to see if he could get. They told me that he would more than likely come in 3 to 4 days a week for a hour to two hours a day. That would cover his ot, speech, language math and other academic tutoring he may need. Their words not mine they didn’t want to do it all in one day they didn’t want to over whelm him or put a strain on him. But they think he is fine to sit in school all day for 7 hours a day get all these services and do his school work. I said that was no problem if that was what he needed then he would be there. Then they told me that it would probably be at different times each day depending what service and teacher or what he would need that day. That we couldn’t say we want him to come every morning at x time or we only wanted to come x days. I said that is fine we are pretty much home during school hours any way we live 3 houses a way so he could walk over and walk home. They talked about they didn’t know if he got services this way if he would have to take the state test they give or if we could still just do our own test or eval and send it once a year like we have to. But they were supposed to find out and let me know at this meeting. We spent days since going back and forth and him doing all their test and me filling out their forms and doing the evals they wanted me to do.

At this time it was made very clear that we would not be enrolling back in school we just wanted to know what services we could get as homeschooling family.

Today we get to the meeting and they start off with the one lady going over the iq test and explaining his score and telling me what it all means and what she was worried about. All stuff we been looking at for years so not surprised. Then the others start telling me stuff. This first lady has to leave for something she got called a way to. She stops the meeting ask me what I plan to do with my son and all this. I told her to keep him home and school him see what services he can get here and see where we are next year and what we are going to do. Another lady stops and says well if you take the iep then we will offer all the services we are going to go over here today. But if you are not putting him back in school then we will not offer any other services. I said they told me they were testing under a different program since we are home-schooling told me all this was here for us. She said no if you want to sign the iep and put him in school it will start tomorrow but if not then we will just file it and if you decide to bring him back we will offer them. I was so mad. We went on went through all the services and what he needed in each and that was it. They typed up notes saying that we refused to put him back in school and their for they are not going to offer services. Then acted like they couldn’t wait for us to get out of there. Other people were coming in for other meetings and things.

All I could think was did I miss understand something in the last meeting. I was just so thrown off gaurde and confused when they said all this that I couldn’t think of everything. I got home and started thinking about it and what was said. If they hadn’t went into such detail about how the program worked, that it would be a few hours a day that it would be at the times they had they could get him and even tell me about what time some services would be I would say maybe I miss understood something. But I didn’t they out and out lied to me about all of it. There was no reason to go through this all again. There was no agreement to do another iep and put him back in school. We agreed to test him see what services he needed and work it out so that he could drive in and get them.

I’m so mad now I guess I have to spend tomorrow on the phone trying to figure out what happen and why they out and out lied. They get about $3000 a year between my two kids and they do nothing for them they never step a foot in the door of the school. But then they want to fight me on offering him services as simple as speech, ot and things.

 



et cetera
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