{May 15, 2018}   Swimming in Bills

I fucked up again and big time this time. I screwed up with my car insurance and it cancelled. I have not had any for a week or more. They want $205 to give me a new policy. I don’t have $205 to give them. Well I might or close to it. But I have to pay on my lights that are due tomorrow and need gas for the week and need to pay on my water. I don’t know how I did this, I know its been late and things but I have always keep it active so that I had it.

I have been fighting just breaking down all morning, my allergies are horrible, I feel like shit, I am stressed and lonely. Like I said in my other post, I just want to feel like someone cares about me for a change, someone to take care of me and things for a little bit until I feel better.

I am tired of doing this alone and trying to make it all happen and work on my own. Although I know that my divorce was the right thing to do and we are much better off away from him. I have to be really honest and say I have thought lately that if I had just stayed I wouldn’t be in such a jam. I know that isn’t true at all because I had to fight to get the bills paid when he was there and couldn’t work or anything else. But I am just at such a low point right now, I don’t know what way I am going or where to turn or what to do. I have so much going through my head. I sit here in my truck writting this crying getting ready to go meet a friend to get the money to pay the car insurance.

I feel like shit, I can’t believe I am having to ask them to borrow money. I feel like I am sinking fast. I don’t know at this point what to do or how to stop it. I feel like I am in a boat and every bucket of what I dump out someone dumps 10 more in.

I do not feel like doing anything at all but curling up in my bed and staying. I just feel like I need to rest. Even though I have been sleeping I just do not feel rested the last few days.

What sucks is that even if I met someone I still be doing this alone. Because I do not want to rush into things with anyone either. But it would still be easier because at least I would have someone for support emotionally and someone who cared about what is going on. I wouldn’t be alone and maybe a little help after a bit with getting kids home and things.

{March 21, 2017}   Ticket Troubles

On top of all the other paperwork and things that got over looked, sat aside or just forgotten about while being sick my ticket from the accident I had on the field trip didn’t get paid. I got a letter in the mail over the weekend saying my licesnse will be suspended April 5th if I do not pay it and turn in paperwork. I finally got a minute to call today because I had some questions about it all. After 15 minutes of holding I finally got to have a two minute conversation with the lady.

My paper says I need to get paperwork showing the ticket is paid and take it to the dmv. I can’t drive to god knows where in this other county to pay this ticket right now and get that paper. I know there is a place here in my county to pay it but how then do I get the paper, I also wanted to know if I could still take the school and get the points off my license or if it was to late.

She said that I can pay the ticket tell them I want to go to school they will give me more time to do the class. She said once I pay the ticket with in 48 hours they contact the DMV and let them know it was paid. She said this put three points on my licese and that they will stay for 3 years. Lot better than I thought, I thought it was more points and that they stayed for 5 or 6 years. I think they use to stay a lot longer than three years. If I take the class and get them off then I think that the ones from the first accident will come off this year or next I have to look into it and see. I am not sure how many that put on them either just that I got some. I ask the lady she said I have to call the DMV to find out how many points I have on there right now and when they will come off. I figure that will be another 30 minute phone call or more with only talking to someone for two. I have to look schools up see how much that is going to cost in addition to the ticket and the late fee they gave me. I hope I can take it all on line and not have to worry about it to much and that it isn’t going to cost an arm and leg to take. I also have to call the insurance company and see if I take the class and get the points off my licence if my rates will go down or not. I just hate all the holding and waiting to talk to someone for two minutes or less. It drives me crazy. I am going to look on the app or on line and see if it says but I don’t think it is going to I will probably have to call. I guess I should go and do that but it is so hard when all I want to do is take a nap. Maybe I will be back later who knows, for now I am off to adult and get things done.

{March 11, 2017}   Car Insurance

I had to get car insurance yesterday and boy I was not ready for what was coming even though I knew it was coming and going to be bad. I looked at plans with the company I have been with and it was close to or over $300 a month. I called another company and they told me less than $100 then I asked about accidents and things because she did not ask me. She put it all in and told me it would be $140 a month. Then she ran the driving history and all the other stuff she runs and it went up to $190 something a month. I told her about the very first accident I had but forgot about them giving me a ticket for it so that made it go up more. I wasn’t happy but didn’t feel like going through everything again with someone else so I just took it. I will have normal internet back on Tuesday and hopefully a little more free time. I figured I will shop around on line and see what I find. Mine was just up for renawl and I had to get something. They will have to return whatever money that is there I have not used so I haven’t lost anything. I have a feeling that it won’t be much cheaper but I will try.

I am going to need to get a job just to pay for that and the extra the rent is going up this month coming up. I have been looking but not a lot of options out there. They are working on about 5 empty buildings that have been sitting empty for a while, I am hoping that they put some decent places in around us and maybe something I can get a job at. We have so many empty buildings and half empty shopping centers or empty shopping centers its sad really. They just build more than to fix the ones that are sitting empty most the time. I understand why because most are older even though it don’t seem like it and the fact they are sitting empty for so long. I am just glad that some places are coming back to the area again and we are getting some new places. We got a Tractor Supply last year I think it seems so odd and out of places this is the last place I would think to put a Tractor Supply but it seems to do okay. I don’t think it is doing great or one of their better earning stores, but they seem to be building up customers slowly. I wonder how long it is going to be there really. But I may be wrong. I have to get school work done and police the kids it sounds like wwe death match in my living room and the oldest is upset. Maybe I will be back later.

Why is it when you are trying to be responsible and do the right thing all you run into are road blocks? But if you are being careless or just don’t care everything seems to be handed to you? I guess I just need to go pop out a 5th kid and hell why stop there at that point.

I have been trying for a few weeks to get information on getting my tubes tied and getting it set up and done. This is a big step for me as a lot of you know from reading my other post it was never an option I would consider in the past. My sister almost died having hers done and then I know someone else who has life long injuries from having it done. But now being a single mom with 4 kids who knows beyond a shadow a doubt that she is done and don’t want the chance of a ops or for the option to even be open for discussion when I start dating I decided this is what would make me feel best in the end.

I called one place they said they call me back that was weeks ago never heard from them. They were checking on somethings. I got a call from my doctors office saying that it was time for my yearly check up and exam. I figured I go get it done and talk to them about it. I told them on the phone I wanted to know about getting it done as well they said okay. I go all they can say is we can send you to a gyn to get it done. I called a ton and they say they do not take my insurance unless I am pregnant. I called the insurance company when I left there and all the ones they could give me for my area were 2 hours or more away from me, not my area. I decided to go to the health department and ask because I was told they do birth controlling and things for free. I got it there the first time I got it but didn’t want my tubes tied. I had talked to them about it in the past so knew they did it. The first thing she ask is if I had insurance and when I told her yes she looked and said we do not take that we can’t help you. She game me a list of the ones they do take and they are the ones most no where in our area take so then if I change I couldn’t see my other doctors. If I change just to get it done it will take forever to get it straight to get it to the other and be able to see my doctors again. The lady at the desk even said if you like your insurance and already have doctors and things I wouldn’t change to one of these. They know they aren’t that great and no where takes them and how hard it is to get back with the other.

I can’t drive hours away to go see this doctor set things up have it done go back for follow up. I won’t be able to drive I have no one to drive me and I have to be here to get the kids two and from school I would’t be able to going back and forth like that. But it gets me I know they do them at the health department and if I didn’t have insurance I would have no problem, they be bending over backwards to help me get it done. Or if I was pregnant and wanted to have it done when I had the baby they would do it with no problem. But since I am not pregnant and don’t have insurance they take they won’t touch me. It isn’t like I have some super great insruance or a ton of money so just pay for it. I have insruance through the state because I am a student and have 4 kids already and a single parent.

You would think out of all people they would want to help do something like this it would be the single mom with kids they are already helping so that she don’t have more if she is trying to avoid it and better her life for her and the kids she already has. But nope they just say find a doctor who will see you and if you can’t I don’t know what to tell you.

The grandma that has her granddaughter and has her in school where my kids go sent me the name and number to one that she says takes my insurance and are taking people that are not pregnant. I hope she is right. I am going to call them first thing tomorrow. She said they are going to see her granddaughter and she isn’t. They are my last hope.

The more I have to search and try to find someone who will do it the more I feel that maybe not having it done wasn’t such a bad idea after all and that this is a sign that it is a bad idea. I keep telling myself it isn’t true but these are the thoughts I keep having.

{January 27, 2017}   Second Worse Day of My Life

As we were getting in my friends truck to leave Down Town Disney and head home my Little Guy asked if it was the worse day of my life? I told him him no hands down it was not the worse but probably the second worse in my life. This was the point I wanted to just crawl out of my skin and couldn’t stand having my clothes even touching me and felt as if my body was swelling up on the right side. Everyone said it wasn’t but it felt like it so it must made everything worse. I was starting to think I should have went home and not toughed the day out with the kids. I already felt bad enough for ruining half their day. I wanted to be there with them.

Lets rewind and start at the be gaining, Holly Land was having their yearly free day so the older kids school decided to go and asked me to. I told them yes and she said I could bring Little Guy along because he been begging to go for months. We got to school and hour early and left half hour before school even started to get over there and in line. We got there and waited through about 10 light changes outside the place then we get down to where the parking is and there was no where to park and the line was down around and behind the building almost. We decided to just take them to down town Disney because we wouldn’t have gotten in or if we did we would have had to leave shortly after.

We get across the street from Down Town Disney I get over into the lane next to me and stop for the light and so I can see where I am going because I wasn’t sure if I was in a turning lane or just a normal lane. We are sitting there and all of a sudden we hear this crash and feel a jolt. I look and this women drove right into the front of my truck. She then jumps out in the middle of the intersection and starts putting all the pieces that came off her car and my truck into her car. I went to turn into the parking lot to get out of the road and couldn’t so I had to go on up and then turn into the plaza and go around. I finally got back over to where it happen she was in the parking lot so I pulled over by where she was. She was on the phone I figured she was calling the police telling them I ran from an accident. My oldest was on the phone with the principle of the school telling her and asking her to have my friend the other parent to come back over where we were because I didn’t think they were close enough to get there. I waited for her to come up and got of the phone with them and got out. In a minute the lady came over from the other car and ask if I had called the police I told her she was on the phone I thought she was I would. She said forget it I will and called. She walked back to her car. I would have called but I seen her on the phone and assumed like I said she was calling saying I left. I wanted someone else there before I got out and said anything to her in case she started I had kids with me from the school and things. I wanted witnesses.

We waited for over and hour for the cop to get there. Once he came she told him that she was by my back door and I came over into her. There was no way she was at my back door if she had been at my back door she would not have ripped my bumper off the front of my truck. If I had hit her my bumper would have been pushed in and if I had came over on her where she says she was again my damage would have been to the side of my truck in my passenger doors not my bumper. I had two people with me sitting on that side of the truck one right by the door she says she was by and he said she was not there. I was sitting still when it happen. Again if I had come over into her I would not have been sitting still when we hit I would have hit her straight away. My daughter was sitting in the front seat and one of the kids from the school in the backseat right behind her. She is 13 and he is almost 20 so they can both say what they seen and what happen. The cop didn’t talk to anyone but me and her I told him they even said she was not there and that she hit me we were sitting still. He said if I had not changed lanes it wouldn’t have happen. I was pass where I got over when it happen. So it wasn’t me changing lanes that caused it. The other parent even said she seen my over in the other lane and stopped and no cars around me then got the call that we has been in an accident. She had I guess already went inside when we got in the accident.

The principle kept asking if I was ok and if I wanted to go home. She said we could just go back to the school and the kids could watch movies and pop popcorn. I told her no we were right there what was done was done we had room for everyone that we would just go. The other mom my friend had triple A so she called and had it towed back to my house for me. Thank God or that would have cost me a bunch of money I don’t have. Before we could get done with our trip and head home the other lady had already called my insurance company and reported it. They had called me and Father of the year and left a message. So then I had a text from him you didn’t have an accident today do you?

I called them back yesterday and talk to the adjuster and she said she the other lady called her was very rude to her and demanded a rental car. She told her she had to talk to me before she could do anything I was her client not her. She then started emailing her demand a rental car and things. She asked me what happen and I told her and told her that she hit me and that if I had hit her that my truck would not have the damage it did. She agreed and said that was what she was trying to figure out because what she was saying did not make since at all compared to the damage on my truck. She said she was not paying out to her or getting her a car until they sent someone to look at the damage on her car and she got the pictures of my car and the damge to it. Because she don’t believe she was where she said she was either. I told her I got a ticket and that I was going to court to fight it. I am waiting to see what they say before I set a court date because if they say no she hit me not the other way around then I have that to take to court with me as well.

As far as I understand if I am sitting still and you hit me you are at fault to start with because I was not moving you should have stopped or went around. But I am not 100% sure on that I am going to look it up because everyone in my truck and the others around can say the same thing I did I was not moving. I do not know what will happen in the end if my insurance company says I am not at fault and the cop already said I was. I don’t know how that will effect me getting my truck fixed by her insurance or what either. I have to get these pictures emailed to her and wait to hear back from them.

I can not believe this I have been driving since I was 14 long distances and everything else and never ever once had an accident and now I have been in three in a year and half and this one she hit me and I am still being blamed for it. I feel like the others they see my vehicle is bigger and just blame it on me or they see I had other accident and just blame it on me. I am sitting at a light and she came into me hit me and I am blamed.

I wasn’t worried about going back because I had done nothing wrong I knew she hit me we would do what we had to do and be done. Then the cop comes an hour or more later she has picked the pieces out of the road says all this crap and then blames it on me. I just wanted to cry. If it is my fault I will say straight up it is my fault just like the BMW I hit him it was what it was it was an accident I swerved off the road to keep from hitting the car in front of my when every one slammed on their breaks he turned and I couldn’t miss him. This I was sitting still at a light and she came into me. My bumber caught her front drivers door right behind the front finder as she went by and it ripped my bumper off the front of the truck. It ripped the bottle holes out and the bumper in half in a spot. We are talking about a steal bumper on an excursion and her in a little car. The light had turned yellow was about turn red when I stopped that is why I stopped, she had to of never slowed down or tried to stop at the light when she hit me to have ripped it up and pulled it and the brackets for it off the truck. The cop never looked at any of it just said I shouldn’t have changed lanes. I told him I had done changed the lanes was stopped, Before she ever hit me. She was not where she said she was no one in my truck seen her and they were sitting right where she said she was looking out that way. He said you have a blind spot. There is no blind spot for the person sitting inside my back door when she says she was at my back door. When I got over there were no cars behind or beside my truck in that lane I could see all the way down behind my truck.

I think what happen is there is a Mac Donald’s right there and the only way to get into it is turn at that light. Or go up past it and come back down to it. She told the cop she was on her way to Mac Donald’s then said no Burger King. I have no idea where Burger King is around there because I didn’t see one. Maybe it is farther up the road on the same side. I think she got in the turning lane to go to Mac Donalds and decided to go to Burger King or got in that lane not thinking about where she was at and then seen she wasn’t far enough up the street. I think she was in the wrong place in the turning lane the light was yellow everyone was slowing down and stopping she decided to take off get over and keep going straight she came out of the turning lane and went to go across she didn’t see I had pulled up there and stopped or thought she was going to pass me as she came across to get back in that lane and hit me. Because there was cars in the turning lane but I wasn’t looking to see what they were doing or what I was stopped and looking to see where I was and where I needed to go before the light turned and we got hit. That would explain the damage to my truck more than she was at my back door and I came over on top of her. She was in the wrong lane and decided to shoot across why the light was yellow or about to turn red and keep going straight but she had to come across and back into the lane I was in ahead of me because there is no lane in front of where she was. She didn’t go far enough out before she cut over.

I have to get these picture emailed to the lady and see what she says about them. This is crazy I should have taken pictures of her car bt I didn’t I have one the other mom took that is it. But they are sending someone to look at her car so I am not worried about it. I just pray that this all gets worked out they figure out what she did and my car gets fixed. Because I did not hit anyone this time they hit me.

We had to tell the parents when we got back we been in an accident and their kids were in the truck with me when it happen. Thank goodness none of them were worried about it. The kids were all fine no one was hurt or even felt it hardly. The one dad was like oh lord no it was probably like some one sneezed in your truck when she hit you no one was going to be hurt in that. Poor old truck been three three beatings and still going strong. She needs some front end work but that is it. Running fine just need bumper lights and finders. again. I just can’t do anything to it right now. It sucks, I hate having to drive it around like that but what can I do until insurance figure out everything and I see if theirs is going to fix mine or I get some money.

The lady at the accident before the cop got there you could tell she was nerves like she knew she hit me and was in trouble. She at one point was sitting on the ground crying and things. She was fine she wasn’t hurt we asked and no one not even her requested for medical to come to the accident the cop was the only one that came out. She even called someone to pick her up and they got there she started yelling at them and things they drove off and left her. I wonder if she wasn’t on something.


{December 5, 2016}   Didn’t Get My Hopes Up

Over the weekend I was going through a couple of trunks I have in my room. They just have mostly pictures and different keep sake stuff. I use to have craft stuff in them as well and was looking for that. I found a life insurance policy on my Dad. My oldest was looking with me and she was excited. She said this is the miracle we been needing I told you we were going to get a miracle. I told her not to get her hopes up I didn’t know anything about the policy and that it probably wasn’t good. It had me and my brother listed for who it would go to in equal shares.

I tried to call about it thinking that maybe the eight hundred number would have someone to answer but it didn’t. My oldest has been so antsy wanting to know if it was good or not all weekend. I wanted to get my hopes up because my dad swore up and down he had two polices one for me and one for my brother. Plus he had one to take care of him and would leave a little extra. He found out when he was sick that the one he had to take care of him and that would leave extra was only for accidental death so it would not pay out. But he said he still had the other two.

Once he passed all we ever found was the one that was left in my brothers name. We turned it in took care of daddy and split what was left. I wanted to do something with mine I could keep and remember my dad by but had to spend it on bills. Story of my life.

Today I called to find out about the other and it was not any good. She said it had lapsed. I asked when it lapsed wondering if it was in the last year and half since he passed or if it was before. I was thinking that if it lapsed after he passed but was good when he passed maybe we could still turn it in seeing as it lapsed because of his passing. She said it lapsed in 2011 long before he passed. I think that was around the time he got laid off and then was waiting on his disability. He probably wasn’t able to keep the payment up on it. The policies he did keep and pay were worth more so I can see why he did let that one go. But he probably wouldn’t have if he had known the other was accidental death only. But that’s okay he was trying to do what was best.

My oldest was a little disappointed but it will be okay. we will get by and make it. I wanted to get my hopes up but I knew not to and glad I didn’t.

{August 25, 2016}   Two Unexpected Calls Yesterday

I got a call from the insurance office and the lawyer yesterday. I called the lawyer back and they wanted to send a financial paper over so I can tell them about all the money I have coming in and all over the money I spend every month. She said they will email it to me and the lawyer is supposed to call me next Thursday or Friday to go over it with me. I wanted to tell her there would be no need for that because I have nothing. I didn’t.

I called the insurance office back and finally got a hold of the guy. He was a lot nicer and better than the first two people that have had my case. He just said he wanted to let me know he was on my case now and what was going on. If I had any questions or worries to give him a call he would help me out or get the answers for me. I told him I had talk to the lady at the lawyers office and she was sending paperwork.

I told him I just got divorced it finally went through that we hadn’t been fighting in court but we had been fighting outside court for a while now and he finally agreed to everything and we got it done. He said he thought they just needed my information because the car was only in my name. I said yes it was and I asked him what they were looking for because I truly have nothing. He said anything other than your home you live in, anything over 1 car that you own, bonds, stocks, employment, any businesses that you own and other things.

I said I am a single mom of 4 kids, I am a student. I told him I rent, we hadn’t owned our home in years now, that I had one truck and that was the truck that I was in the accident in and other than that I have the contents and furnishings for my house that was really it. That I just have what we needed and had to have to get by right now because I wasn’t working and because we did not plan to stay here once I got out of school. We plan to move a way and start over new when we get where ever we decide to go. He said he understood he said State Farm sues everyone not to worry about it. He said we try to take your information on that paper and show it would be a hardship for you to pay and that you really do not have it to pay and probably can’t even if ordered to and try to get them to just settle for what we have to offer. I said the worse case is they are going to get a judgment saying that once I start working they can ask to be paid and to look at my income and see if or what I can pay then or if I ever get anything they get their money right? He said yes worse case that is all that they can do is get a judgement. He said I have seen people say I can’t pay over $6 a month and that is what they pay. He said just don’t stress or worry about we are going to do our best to get you out of it and not have to pay anything. He said he pays good money to have the coverage he has and these companies make a lot of money every day. That is what they are here for is to pay claims when something like this happens. They aren’t losing money, but they are going to try to hold onto as much as they can and if something happens they jump straight to suing instead of seeing if it is worth suing even.

I said well I’m not stressing about it I’m just waiting to see what happens. I said it was nothing more than an accident I wasn’t speeding or doing anything wrong, I looked because a car was to close to one side and when I looked up there was car stopped in front of me. I said I was trying to avoid hitting anyone why I swerved off the road but then he turned and I couldn’t avoid it. I said so if they get a judgment then if/or when I can pay them something I will. It is what it is and I can’t give them something I don’t have. He said that’s right. He said just let the lawyer know everything you told me and give him the papers and we will do everything we can to help that’s what you pay us all these years for.

That is the first I have heard from them in months. I heard from the lawyer in a letter right after I got the papers saying I was being sued. Then sometime over the summer I got a letter from them saying they were still taking care of my case that I didn’t need to do anything they would get a hold of me if they needed anything. Yesterday was the first time I have heard from the insurance company in almost a year. I didn’t know they were still really involved or anything like that.

I guess it is a good thing that the places I wanted to rent to start a business rented before I could rent them. If I had started that then they would have had something to go after. I couldn’t have paid them and the business and keep it going. I would have had to close down. I wouldn’t have had a chance to even start really making money with it. I have kind of decided to just work on school forget everything else until I am done. Then find a job for a little while until it is time for us to move. After that then work on the things I want to do and have. I will have my degree to get a job until I decide what I really want to do.

{December 27, 2015}   Twenty Seven Thousand Dollars

I hadn’t heard anything at all about the accident I had in September until the last couple weeks. Then I got a notice in the mail saying I needed to pick up a letter and sign for it and I got a call from the lady handling the claim. I tried to call her back but she didn’t leave her last name or all over her extinction so I couldn’t get a hold of her. Finally after calling and waiting on hold three different days I got some one who gave me the information for her. They transferred me over to her but of course she wasn’t in or answering the phone who knows. I called back and left a message telling her when I would be able to answer the phone so she could call me back. But I never heard back from her.

Then last week I got a couple letters in the mail and a big package of information. The letter just said that they know there was an accident this was who would be handling it and that was about it. The big package told me that they had three claims against me from the accident. His insurance company, AT&T, and a guys name. I am not sure if the guys name is the name of the guy who I hit or the guy that was in the car with him. I am thinking probably the guy in the car with him, but really not sure.

It shows that someone ended up going to the er and being checked out, that they gave him a rental car and that cost almost a grand, that his car was totaled ( I already knew that when it happen, he didn’t think so) and that the phone company wants a grand for the box that he ended up landing on. They bought him a new car came to around fifty thousand or more. They are showing something salvage for over eleven thousand, I am thinking that is what they ended up selling the totaled car for. It looks like they took that off and something else because it is showing thirty seven thousand still owed and my insurance is only good for ten thousand.

It says they are going to do all that they can to settle this without anything being left owed on it but they don’t know what is going to happen and there maybe meeting and things that I will need to or should be present at. That if they can not settle then they will be asking what I can contribute toward the amount owed and try to settle with that amount.

I have nothing extra right now I can give them toward it, so I will probably be sued by the other insurance company or this guy for the twenty seven thousand dollars that is left owed on it. All I can do is wait and see what happens and when they decide to go to court. It sucks because I am going to end up missing work in order to go to court. Then who knows what they will say once we get in court. It’s not like I have all this extra money at the end of the week or the month to do anything with. By the time I pay my bills I have just enough to get gas and some food for the next two weeks. I had to borrow a big chunk of money last week to get threw to this week and have nothing left. All I have they can take is my truck and at one time it was worth a little bit but now that I had the accident and put it back together it probably isn’t worth much now. It still needs the hood fixed, it needs to be painted because it wasn’t blended, it has some mechanical things wrong with it I still have to figure out and get fixed as well. If insurance had paid out it would have been totaled as well so that should tell them something. If it is like it is with a lot of things around here when it comes to vehicles, I am not the only one who depends on that vehicle to get around so they can’t take it if it is the only one I have. My kids depend on it to get to doctors, the store and other places they need to go. Even though I am the driver they still have places they have to get to. That being their only way then they do not take it out of the home it would cause a hardship for them. Those two things maybe the only things that save my truck and not leave me walking.

I don’t know what’s going to happen all I know is that I can’t stress over it until whats going to happen, happens. I am just going to do what I have to do tell them what they need to know and show up when and where I am supposed to show up. Once they decide what is going to happen and what I am going to have to do or not have to do then I will worry about it and take care of it from there. I had my license and insurance that is required by the state so I can’t get in trouble for that at least.

{December 16, 2015}   Open Enrollment

Today was the last day of open enrollment to get a January 1, 2016 start date for health insurance, this the last two days at work have been completely crazy. There has been all you want overtime the last two days as well. I was able to make arrangments for the kids to stay with my mom last night and tonight. Last night I had planed to stay as late as they were open I ended up leaving at about 9:20. They said they were only staying until 10 I knew I didn’t have time to finish a call by 10 if I had gotten one. I needed to stop at my moms as well and pick something up as well so I just went ahead and clocked out. Then I hear tonight they ended up staying until 12 last night too. If I had known I would have stayed. Today I stayed until just after midnight everyone was leaving then. Once midnight hits in our time zone it’s closed so we couldn’t do anything else. I worked 16 hours today. I got there at 8 in the morning and worked until 12am. Now I have to be up and back there in less than 6.5 hours to start over again tomorrow and  I am sitting here wide awake and can’t sleep.

I don’t get it there was a good group of us left there tonight at midnight but most do not have to be back there until 10 or after tomorrow but most of them were talking about coming in late or calling out tomorrow. Most had not come in early so they only worked a few hours extra. All I could think was why stay here all night do all those extra hours to turn around and come in late or call off all together tomorrow and lose all that overtime. It just don’t make since to me. It isn’t like it is a little amount of money if they did it both nights I made about half my normal weekly check in overtime in the extra hours I put in the last few days. I am hating it because I have to go in late Friday and will lose some of my hours, but I am trying to put in enough over time the next two nights to make up for it so that I don’t lose my overtime. I got lucky my mom watched the kids for me these two days and then the next two days father of the year is off and will have them so I can work late the next couple nights. She said she would watch them late Friday so that I could stay late and make my time up then but I want to go ahead and do it the next two days just in case something happens and plus if I work the next two nights then stay over Friday and make up my hours it will just add to my overtime I already have and not I still won’t be short. There no way I want to have stayed and worked 16 hours starght to not come out with a nice chunk over overtime pay. I don’t know what these people are thinking. If your not wanting the overtime why stay that late when you know you have to be back there in a few hours and you don’t want to be.

I also finally seem to have found the person who can make something happen and get my pay rate fixed. I don’t know why no one told me to go talk to her and that she was over payroll or able to get things with payroll done before now. I finally got mad and went to my team lead this evening and told her I wanted to know who I needed to talk to, to get my pay straight because I was ready to leave and not come back. I told her the same thing I told the other girl yesterday I should not have to beg to be paid. That every day every hour that I sit there with them not paying me at the right right is another hour another $1 I’m racking up that I may never see so why do I want to sit there and keep letting them rack up all this money they owe me and maybe never get it. At that point they are just using people as long as they can paying what they want not what they promised or are supposed to be paying and as long as they get away with it they will just keep doing it.

I told her I was short and told her I knew that as late as it was in the week and me getting paid Thursday I would be shorted on that one to and when that would be paid to me. Something was said about the next check in two weeks. She said if that would be a problem or something like that. I said yes I just told you my check has been short and it may not be a lot but my money is counted out to the penny to pay bills I am borrowing money and everything else. She said I just needed a yes. I said well I’m a single mom of 4 kids and this is also the last check before Christmas I haven’t even gotten to start my Christmas shopping yet and I have to do it out of this check and pay bills. She said ok she was going to make a note of it and that it may not be there Thursday but it would be there early next week Monday or Tuesday. I said well as long as it is there by then it should be ok. I told her I couldn’t wait two weeks until or next check anyway because then that money would show as income for January not December and that I have a son who gets SSI and that I have to report my wages every month and that they want to know the money that was paid to me not when I I worked and made it. That it don’t look at I was shorted this month and this month and now behind on my bills for those months or had to borrow money and now pay it back with this money. It looks at my bills are paid I got X money for this month there for they cut my check for the following month and puts me in a jam and in a cycle of never being able to get ahead. She said she was sending the note out to whoever and putting everything in it.

My team lead came looking for me talking about your in meeting. We have to put where we are or what we are doing if we stop calls for any reason. I said yes because I had to meet with her to get my pay straight I didn’t think you wanted me to be in training we aren’t training. She says well I just need you to get back on the phone right now there are 2 or 300 calls in que and everyone has to be on the phone and in ready if I don’t have all my team in ready I’m going to be in trouble. I said I don’t care if they have 500 calls in que or who’s in ready or not in ready right now if they don’t want to fix  my pay and pay me for all the work I have already come in here and done for them they can start taking these calls because I will walk right now it’s past my time to go home already I don’t have to be here. If I leave I won’t be coming back. She just walked off and didn’t say anything.

Later I seen the lady I was talking to about pay and she said that it was fixed and that I should have all my money by Friday. My team lead came by and she started asking her why my pay hadn’t been fixed and how come it had taken so long. She was making excuses I don’t know she claims she was sending messages but I am starting to wonder now if she was or not. All I know at this point is my money better be there by Monday. I know she said it was easier to get the checks out right or wrong and then fix it and do a second round of checks after the first ones than to go in the computer and fix them at this point in the game. I know that before when my check was so short and I called in I got my extra on Friday since i have direct deposit and it goes in on Thursday.  I guess I will know tomorrow when I get to work if it has turely been changed I will be able to look in the computer and see at least if it was moved up to the right amount. If not I will be waiting at the main man over the places office when he gets there.

{February 12, 2015}   Going None Stop

Since my dad passed away Sunday after noon I have been busy trying to run around and take care of things. I feel like I haven’t stopped since I got up Monday.

I had to get up first thing and be almost 50 miles from home by 9:30 am. We had to go get my little guys cast off his arm and see how it was healing. They cut it off and took the x ray. The doctor came in said it was healed great and took the pins out. He said they don’t have to go to therapy for it because they can’t do anything with the bone. That he should have his range of motion back in 6  weeks. He wants us to bring him back to check it. We had to move it out to 8 because I wanted to make it at the other office. I’m so stressed and tired I almost had a panic attack getting on the elevator trying to get him to the 5 th floor and back down.

We got back stopped had lunch and I dropped them off at home so I could rush about 20 miles north to do what needed to be done with my dad. We told them to send him to one home and they sent him to some place different. We got there and they talk to us for a minute and then took us in to pick out a casket and urn. My brother said we could get urns somewhere else. I told him I rather do it there get it over with. I had looked at the insurance policy but wasn’t sure how much he had. It was one where it pays out so much the first year a little more but not much the 2 nd and the full ten at 3 or more. He hadn’t hit the 3 year mark. He would have hit the 3 year mark in May of this year. We were not sure how that worked. I asked the lady if she knew how all that worked because we really weren’t sure. She looked said she didn’t know either she thought the 2 nd year amount of $1,100 something. She said she would call them and see. After a half hour or more she came back said they said they were not 100% sure but they thought just that was right. They said they had to look at it and something else and get back with her at 3 yesterday.

I asked her once the cremation was all paid for and all the other fees that there were to cover how much money was left to cover everything else. She says and if you do just a standard box for $50. adds it on. I said no I don’t want a box I want to know that once you all get your money how much money is left? She said around hundred and something.

Well when we were sitting there before we were looking she asked what we were going to do with his ashes. My brother got this look like he hadn’t thought of it and was a little freaked out. I said I thought about putting them on grandpa’s grave but they say he was really close to his mom so I was thinking we could have them put there. But I would like to have them until we decide and can do something with them. He said ok. I think it creeps him out the idea of having them or messing with them. Even with them being closed up in something. He had no problem and said yes to fast. So when we first went back and was looking at caskets and urns I seen one I wanted. He said lets wait on it so we started looking at caskets that’s when we stopped to see how much was there to work with.

When we found out how little was probably there to work with I said lets pick out a casket and we will have to take what isn’t covered out of his money in the bank and cover it. He said ok. I told him since I was going to have his ashes I would cover the price of the urn. I knew he would freak about the price of it and want to pick a different one. I thought it said $895 but wasn’t sure. That is a lot I know but I liked it and I figured yes we could probably get it somewhere cheaper but how much cheaper maybe $50. I rather just get it done with. We picked a casket out we needed $175 to finish paying for it. I told him to take my dads money and pay for that. It was his money so it should be used for him.

I told him lets look at the urns pick one so I knew how much I needed to bring her back today. I knew I wanted the one and felt if I was going to have his ashes and paying for it I should get to pick. But I knew it was only right to let him have some say. He liked this one metal looking one but said it looked something. Then he found another like it just a different color. He liked them because my dad liked to collect little coper and brass figures. But when I looked at it I just didn’t see my dad. They had one there for people who liked to fish and one for people who liked to hunt. I liked the one for people who liked to hunt. My dad use to love going to camp and hunting and most all my life he did tree work for the company that cuts trees for the power company. So I picked the one for people who liked to hunt that had trees and leafs on it.  He came over looked at it more and said yeah that is nice I think that be a good one. So I told her I would bring her the Monday for it Wednesday. We had to go back Tuesday to see what the insurance people were going to do.

We talked about it Tuesday morning when we were looking through dads stuff. I asked him if it paid out the full amount did we want to change anything or leave it the way it was? We agreed we wanted to leave it the way it was. I knew I didn’t want to change the urn and the casket was really the only one they had we liked. I wouldn’t mind if it was picked for me. It is a light blue. It reminds me of the blue suits the guys use to wear back when my dad and grandpa were younger. It was kind of simple buy it was very nice and tasteful.

When I got there yesterday to go over everything with them and my brother he got there before I did. When I came in he said they were paying out the full $10,000. The lady acted like she wasn’t happy that we weren’t changing anything. And we decided not to get the urn from them. But that is a different post.

I am just happy that it is all taken care of and they are covering it and we didn’t have to worry about how to pay for it or what. That is one thing he didn’t want us to have to worry about or pay for. He would be really upset if he thought we had to. But I would have done it if we had to because I wanted to make sure he was taken care of. Just like the urn. I could have picked something for a lot less but I wanted something nice and that fit him. He has done so much for us I wanted to do this last thing for him. Even if like my brother said he would kick our asses if we spent that much on some of that stuff. But if they had something that I liked better I had no problem spending the full $10,00 for his cremation, casket and urn. That’s what the money was there for. Why when I first seen it and it and I thought it said almost a grand I wasn’t worried about it I figured the money was there may as well use it.

Today I spent getting bills and things taken care of around the house. I have let so much go this last month and a half or so. Between going to see my dad the kids appointments and just dealing with the depression and not feeling like doing anything. Bills have fallen behind, chores, house work, shopping are all such a mess.

et cetera
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