But No One Was Getting HIT

I hear this when people are talking relationships and why they break up or broke up. It makes me want to scream and turns my stomach.

I am watching the Girlfrinds Guide to Divorce on Netflex

The lady is talking to her brother about getting a divorce. He is against it and thinks it is a bad idea. Which is funny because he is gay. You would think he would be one of the last ones to have a problem with it. He says he don’t understand it no one was getting hit, no one was cheating, blah blah. She says to him sorry I wasn’t getting hit. He of course says oh that wasn’t what he meant and things.

I hear this and I just want to scream. Not everyone knows if someone was or wasn’t getting hit, no one ever knew i was getting hit when I was with Father of the year. Most still don’t. Most have no idea  the ex stint of the abuse that went on. Because again no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Why do people feel the need to justify your decisions or change your mind? How do they think telling you that you weren’t getting hit makes everything else fine?

There is a lot more reasons to end a relationship other than getting hit. I relationship needs more to survive and be healthy other than two people knowing how to keep their hands to their selves. I mean don’t we all pretty much know this and do it on a daily bases when dealing with people in our daily life? Isn’t that one of the first things we learn as kids is not to hit? Isn’t it like one of the fist rules when you start school and in every class? Keep hands and feet to yourself? We don’t say at least he wasn’t kicking you around.

I just don’t understand this, like the only people others decide to hit are their spouse or partner? Where did this idea that the only time we should get out of a relationship is if we are being hit? Why does this only apply to married couples and partners if this is the case? If we decide not to be friends with someone because we don’t like something they do, something they said, the way they treat us or just because we decided we didn’t want to, why don’t people say oh no you should still be friends because hey, they don’t hit you? Why is it okay to end any other relationship for any reason but to end a marriage or partnership we have to be getting knocked around?  We have to have black and blue marks or black eyes? Maybe we are getting out before it comes to that? maybe it has come to that and it’s been hidden? Because the person was embarrassed or just felt that it wasn’t everyone in the worlds business to know.

If someone says they are getting out of a relationship or getting a divorce they are not asking you to be okay with it, they are not asking you if it is okay, they are not asking if you agree with it or if it is what you would do. They are telling you to let you know, they are telling you to have the support, they are telling you because they feel they can confide in you and not be judged. If you are a true friend then don’t judge, don’t try to justify it, don’t try to fix it or make their decision okay. Just be there for them, listen to them, support them. If you can’t tell them that so that they can find someone who can.

Don’t try to talk someone into staying or tell them to work it out or it will get better. Because you most likely don’t know everything and what you are trying to talk them into holding onto and work out. Bff use to tell me the same thing when we first met and I told her we were in the process of separating and getting a divorce. She thought it was horrible and I needed to work it out and just hang in there it would get better. After she was around for a while and seen she even says she was wrong and feels bad for saying it and understands. Now that she is going through it she is really starting to see a lot and understand a lot more. You may feel your the bff and been around and know everything and they tell you everything but you don’t know at all. My own family didn’t know and we lived with them and next to them and everything for years. We seen them all the time. His family didn’t know, no one knew. Because we were the “perfect” family in public and around people.

He of course isn’t going to flip out and do shit in front of others when he puts on this show of being the perfect husband and father and doing no wrong. Some people are private people or don’t trust everyone. Others need to decide and figure things out on their own before everyone gets in involved. That is the route I decided to take. Nothing wrong  with either way. It is not for us to judge or decide the way others should handle things. it is just up to us to be there when they do come to us and tell us what they feel they can or should share with us.

 

A New Judge

I received an email back from the judge’s Judicial Assistant. She said he no longer handles family law cases, I have to contact the clerk of court and see who they are giving my case to now. I have to do that this week and hopefully get an email sent to them. I hope they will just update it and send it to me rather than make me go back to court. While the judge the first time was all worried about me not doing things right and not having a lawyer i did everything right and the judge is the one who messed it up. It was in both sets of paperwork I filed and they still missed it. And it was discussed in court the day we went for the divorce.

My Important Date

I made it to my Important Date Friday, it was quick and painless. They didn’t bring up any of the things I thought they were going to bring up or why I thought they wanted him to come. There were a few things that she has a question about the way it was worded and wanted to ask about it and make sure we both agreed to what it said. One was about medical and dental that is not covered by insurance, we put that we would split it. She wanted to know if that meant we were going to split it equally or how. The other was when we each have the kids. He gets them every other weekend from Friday to Monday morning. I have them Monday through Friday and every other week through the weekend. I was trying to word it that way but I guess it sounded funny and she wanted to check on it. She just ask me if that was how it was for both of those, asked if our marrage could be fixed, asked if I was able to and planed to comply with everything on the settlement agreement, child support and parenting plan. Then she ask if it was correct I wanted to have my maiden name back and if I was doing it for any reasons other than just because it is my name and I wanted to go back to it. If I was trying to evade debt, or doing it for any other fraudulent reasons. As if I was I am going to sit there and go why yes, yes I am. But she has to ask I know. I figured they would ask why you want to go back to it make more since. She asked the standard did I agree to everything on my own and all that, pretty much just standard stuff after that. Then she ask him if he agreed to everything in it and if he agreed to it or was forced to agree to any of it.

She said because she is not a judge she had to write her report or what and send it to the judge to go over grant and sign off on. She said there was a 10 day waiting time for her to do that and then a five day mailing period so about 15 days before anything could be done with it. She said if we both agreed we could wave the 10 wait and she would get the report done and right over to the judge so he could do his part. We both said yes. I was holding my breath I kind of expected Father of The Year to say no to just have that last little bit of control. She didn’t say how long it would be before we should get the papers. She did say that it wasn’t done yet so not to do anythig until we got the papers saying it had been done. So it is unofficially official. It’s done we do not have to go back for anything it is just processing I guess you could say. The judge should have no reason to not grant or sign off on it since we have had a day in court and went over everything with her. The judge can’t change and thing because nothing can be changed if we are not there to agree to it. He could not agree with something and kick it back but not likely to happen since they sent it to this other lady to take care of because it was all done and agreed to.

I said I am going to be stalking the mailman until they come. I already told the kids they are not allowed to check the mail until I tell them. They check it but sometimes it gets dropped they have to pick it all up, or I’m not here it gets laid up and forgotten about. Not a big deal since I never get anything but bills and junk 99% of the time. I go on line and look at my bills or call and check everything so that isn’t a big deal. Most always there is someone out there when they check it but there are times they will randomly check it and bring it to me. I just don’t want to take any chances. I can also go on their site to see what is going on with the case if it has been granted or what. I checked but it hasn’t updated since the court date was posted. I am hoping it will show when it is sent to the judge. It should at least show when he signs off and grants it. But I need the papers they mail to take care of the name change and if anything happens or was to happen for legal reasons.

I am just happy it is done. I don’t have that it’s finally done reveled yet. I know it is and it is all technical stuff, but there is that little voice in the back of my head saying what if something happens and the judge don’t sign off on it? I trying to ignore it but I am just naturally one of them people that until I have it in my hand it says done it isn’t done. I have to have a sold it’s done nothing can go wrong or it is not done.

Refured to a Magistrate

I called yesterday and they told me the JA was out until today at 8 to call back. Today I call they say she is on the other line it will be 15 or 20 minutes you can hold or call back. Must be nice to not have to call people back, you call and it rings and no one answers or you get a machine that says call back do not leave a message we will not call you back or you get the person who says you can hold or call back but will not take a message or have them call you back. I want to say are your phones broken can you not call out I have been trying to get a hold of someone for days. But they are the people you don’t want to piss off at a time like this. So I told her I would call back rather than hold for 15 minutes.

I just call back after looking at the days and times again to make sure what was open and they hadn’t booked some of them and there are times open every day next week. I finally get the JA on the phone and she ask me if it is contested or uncontested and if the other party has done their part all that crap. I tell her yes and she says ok I am going to send your information over to the Magistrate and you each will get a letter in the mail, once you do then just call them and they will be able to get you in and get it done a lot faster than we can. Um Hello quicker than if you just gave me set me up to come in Monday at 10:30 am because I know you have a time then? Really what is quicker than that? But again you don’t say anything because these are the people that can make this take way longer than it needs to if you piss them off. She says it will go out in the mail today to him and me and then call them.

If she puts it in the mail today it will probably not even leave the court house really until tomorrow Friday then not get to me until at least Monday probably. Then I have to call for who knows how long before I get them and then see when they have a date that they want to get us in.

I swear it seemed like things were going to good to be true and that this was really going to be over by next week. I kept thinking it is going to easy. I say no it is good nothing is going to happen and then she does this. Still trying to believe that it is going to happen in the next week or two at least. Hoping the next week but at least two. I had a sitter and everything set up. This really sucks.

He isn’t even planning to show up all they have to do is look over it and grant it we agreed to everything how it works for us we aren’t fighting over anything we just want it done. The longer it drags out the pisser father of the year is getting. I am sure it is just the glimmer into whats to come once it is over. Since he still don’t really want it and thinks there is hope for us. I just don’t want him to change his mind and decide to show up and hope they don’t say he has to show up. If he does he will say something that will stop it most likely. If they make him show up he will take time off and show up but if they don’t say he has to be there he won’t bother with trying to get time off. Praying this is just a bump and we get in soon and things don’t get messed up.