Single___Parent___Life











{December 26, 2019}   The Kids Were Thrilled

Christmas morning the kids got up and of course couldn’t wait to open their gifts. We started out letting them open what they had gotten each other first then I gave them the gifts I got them. I knew once they got the ones I got I would probably lose them and I wanted them to really take time to see what they got from each other and enjoy it and talk. They said they wanted to save the big one for last as well. I felt kind of bad because it looked like Little Bitty got a lot more and nicer than what they had gotten but she really didn’t. She got I technically 3 gifts from me not one. But all of hers cost less than their one big gift. I didn’t intend for it to end up with her with three but I bought one of the horse sets for her because she got them all but that one from the other kids. They didn’t have enough for it and it was over their budget. If two had bought it for her she wouldn’t of gotten other sets. I was planing on doing things different when I bought it. Plus Mr. 9 had enough to buy two sets. But no one really noticed. No one said anything they were happy she got things she really wanted.

Then I gave them their gifts and they were so thrilled and excited. The looks on their faces really were priceless. I took the boys and stuck cardboard in the bottom of a gift box you would put clothes in and stuck the game system and controllers in it. I took oldest lap top and stuck it in a medium to small size gift bag. I would of never guessed what was in either box or thought for a minute that was what would be in them. I don’t think they did either. Oldest thought the bag hers was in was a bag for someone else. I told her to grab it I had something for someone I needed to put in it. I knew she would like the bag it was real pretty had a horse on it.

Mr. 9’s face when he seen the puppet that he wanted was great as well. He carried it around and played with it off and on all day and showed my sister and them when they came over. The things he has made it do already oh boy I am kind of scared to see what else he comes up with.

Little Bitty said they were sold out of the horses the other day how did you get these? Mr.9 said because we were smart and bought them weeks before that when we first seen them to make sure you got them. She said that was so nice thank you. When she seen her tablet she said this is for me? Then when we went to bed last night I said we can watch our show on it and it will be a bigger screen than my phone. She said okay but I will hold it because I don’t want you to drop it. I said I won’t and we are on the bed so it will be okay. She said no I will hold it and keep it safe. We watched two shows then she was ready to go to sleep. She kept watching to see how charged it was and telling me I think it needs to be charged. I had to explain to her that you should leave it until it was dead then charge it and not play with it why it was charging and let it charge up all the way before using it again.

Mr. 14 seemed a little upset my mother said I told you he wanted a laptop he is mad she got one and he didn’t. I knew that wasn’t it at all. I thought maybe because it seemed that Little Bitty got more than they did. I had to run out and when I got back we went outside and talked for a minute. I asked him what was wrong he said he didn’t get the Lego sets he wanted. My mother told him she was going to get one and then didn’t. I asked him if he wanted a laptop if he was upset about that? He said no I hadn’t really thought about one in a while. I explained that you know the game cost a lot and the lap top cost so much that I thought he would rather have the game than the lap top and that we could get him one later if he needed or wanted one. He said no he would much rather have the game. He just thought he was getting the other things and didn’t. He really wanted them as well. I told him maybe later he could get them with his money or when I got some more we could get them. Once I get past the first few months here and if they make Father of the Year pay me I should have money to get them things here and there more than we have been. I’m still not going to buy them things all the time or what. But it would be nice to get them things once in a while instead of saying I don’t have it or wait until your birthday or Christmas. I have thought about giving them an allowance or maybe splitting the money we spend on the weekend up between them and let them decide what to spend it on if they want to all go do something like we do or if they would rather stay home and save the money or get something with it.

The witch screwed up dinner again just like Thanksgiving of course. But it didn’t even really matter to me i didn’t care. We had a really good day other than dealing with her. No one was worried really cared when it came to dinner.

I am just glad that they were so happy and got something they really wanted.



{December 16, 2019}   I Think I Pulled It Off

I think I may have pulled off a nice Christmas for once for the kids. Now I am trying to be made to feel that I am in the wrong or doing the wrong thing.

The boys have asked and asked for a Ps4 for their birthday and or Christmas for the last few years. I just haven’t had it. I went and got one yesterday for them to share. It is costing me more than I wanted but it will be worth it to see their faces.

I then went and bought my oldest a laptop. It is used but it is between a $500/$600 laptop I got for $225. I have a 6 month warranty on it. I got the extra controller for the PlayStation. I put those two things on layaway I am going to pick them up Friday or Monday before work.

For Little Bitty I am getting the 7 in Kindle Fire and a kidkraft stable. The kids got her a bunch of the Royal Breed horses. We went to the store where they had them over the weekend and they were sold out of the horse sets she wanted. She was so disappointed. She said oh they are all gone I really wanted those, I was going to have Heart Land now how am I going to have a heart Land? That is our show we watch when we are home at night. We snuggle in bed and watch it on my phone when I am off or there is no school the next day and she is up when I get home from work. She is going to be super excited when she opens everything Christmas.

My mom is mad because I wouldn’t go in with her to buy them Chromebooks. I don’t want the Chromebooks. My oldest wants to save things and do her school work and things on it. She needs space to save stuff and do things. Mr. 14 hasn’t said anything about wanting a laptop in a while. I figure the Ps4 will be good because the boys both really want it and that will give Mr. 9 something to play on while Little Bitty plays on her tablet and oldest on her laptop. Then Mr. 14 can use the computer to do his school work. I can work on getting him a laptop after the first of the year if i find he needs one or still wants one. I didn’t have enough to buy them all laptops or the two laptops and then get Mr. 9 something as nice right now as well. I think this way they all get something they really want and that is nice. She says I need to give Mr. 14 more incentive to do his school work and he is going to feel that I don’t care about him because he has been asking her for a laptop or if he is going to get one to when they have have been talking about things. But I think that is because he knows she will not buy him the Ps4 or something like that. He knows she buys my oldest nice things and spends money on her and don’t buy them as nice of things or get them things at all a lot of times. He isn’t dumb he see’s it. My oldest even said she don’t want her to buy her anything anyway because she uses it holds it over her to get her to do things she wants or try to get her to. One reason I wasn’t going to go together with her on anything. Because when she starts that it is going to be a big fight. This way they have what they want if she starts about what she buys them if she does at this point then who cares they aren’t going to be to worried because they are going to have what they really wanted and will use the most.

I only got them each the one really nice thing other than Little Bitty I got her the stable and the tablet but that is because even the two together come to a lot less than what I am spending on the other three. I told oldest hers is her birthday and Christmas and she was fine with that. Most years I try to set a side x amount for each kid and try to find something nice a bigger gift and a few small to go with it. Because things have been so tight. This year I wanted to get them what they really wanted if I could. Even though I am spending a little less on her she still is getting nice things that she wants and doing it this way helps everyone get nice things they really want. They all are getting the one gift from me and then the gifts they got each other. Since I decided to do things the way I have. Most times they get about 3 to 4 gifts. But I really think they are going to like this much more. I may try to find them a game if I get a few minutes have a couple dollars extra this week. Oldest wants a batman game but I don’t know if she would rather have it on the computer or on the Ps4 so I am going to check and see. I figured the $10 monthly thing will give them something to try it out Christmas and then from there I will take them to get a game when I am off again or in a couple weeks. I will see what she wants and do that.

Father of the Year promised to help buy laptops over two years ago before he pulled his stink and disapeared and they were asking for a play station then as well. They know I try and do what I can but they don’t under stand fully why I can never seem to get them the nicer things they want when I work so much and gone so much. They shouldn’t have to all the time. we all fully know what Christmas is about and understand but for once I want to get them things that will really get used they really like and not something just because it’s Christmas we all go through the motions of at least they have something to unwrap even if they only play with it twice and don’t touch it again.



{December 13, 2019}   The Most Miserable Time of Year

I am in a horrible mood this afternoon, of course everyone has decided to come to work now instead of this morning. I feel like I just want to cry. I jumped up and went to the bathroom when they got here because I was about to then. Trying to detract myself so that I don’t but it is hard. This time of the year is so full of bad times and awful memories and no matter how hard I say I am going to make it better this year and change that it never seems to happen. I feel sick to my stomach right now and my head is starting to hurt from being so upset. On top of it all the bitch had to call me at work and start.

I got into it last night with my oldest over things. It was pretty ugly, I feel bad for that. It is her fault and the bitches fault. They are all listening to her and everything is a mess. I’m tired of working my ass off and dealing with all the bullshit and them doing everything she says and not listening when she has no fucking say at all. So then we end up fighting because they get mad I am mad because they are not listening and the bitch has to get in and put her two cents in. But like I told my oldest I am working my ass off trying to hold everything together keep a place and everything else give them what they need and a little of what they want. But it is coming down to the point that it is putting our place to live in jeopardy the things they are doing. If we have to move from here then I can’t get us into anywhere else. Others may not even want to rent to us. I finally just told her keep it up if we end up homeless they will take them away and send them to live with their dad. They would have no one to blame but their self and her.

I also told her I worked to hard to keep a place and do all this, if that happens that is where they will stay no matter what. Not coming back once I get settled again. I’m not going to be done that way because they don’t want to listen. They don’t listen do what they want they live with the outcome. They are 14 and 16 years old they more than know. I told her at this point they don’t do what they are supposed to they will not go with me and the little kids on the weekend anymore either. I’m not good enough for anything else then I’m not good enough to take you out to run around do fun things go to dinner and spend my money on you either.

Between all the sickness and death I have dealt with between now and the be gaining of the year over the years and now having crappy Christmas the last few years. I don’t even want to think about Christmas or anything to do with it.

I know it is not about the gifts and the kids really do too. But when they have asked for the samethings for a few years for christmas and their birthdays and you can’t do anything. They say I want this but I know you can’t afford it so I guess just this or that.

The last few years I just have not had it. This year I finally was going to do it and then shit hit the fan. Ha nothing good happens to you or for you. You were a fool for thinking it would. Why would you think you deserve anything good. I dont care about me I want it for my kids because even though we are going through a ruff patch between us they are good kids and dont get much through the year and they understand I have to work such long hours and things. I just dont know. Why my kids have to suffer as much as I work my ass off.

 



{July 10, 2016}   Hopeful

Tonight I came to my room to go to bed and the computer was laying there on the bed with the carpet cleaner thing and the sheets blankets strung around. Not only did it go all in my computer but it went all down in my mattress as well. I was so aggravated last night that I did not even change the bed. It was at the foot I laid a big thick blanket over it and went to sleep. Today it had to be stripped and cleaned. I tried taking my laptop apart to see if there was anything I could do with it but I couldn’t get it to come into two once I got it prided apart around the edges. But it looked and felt dry all under there where I could slid my hand in and feel. I really just wanted to get the key pad up tp clean under it but couldn’t get it off either. I got mad messing with it and put it back together. I called some places to as them about it but they weren’t open so I figured I would have to wait until Monday and started redoing my school work that was saved on it for today.

Tonight I come in here to put the bed together and decide to plug it in and try it just for shits and giggles to see what happen. Guess what it came on. It seemed to run a little slow to start with but then went ahead and booted up. Some of the keys sounded gooey when pushed so I took them off and wiped them down with a wet rag. So for it seems to be working ok. I just hope it keeps working with no problems.

This morning when I wrote I Give Up!!!, I was ready to just throw it away and toss the mattress out and give up trying to have anything. I was more mad at myself than anything for not picking the cup up and taking it with me or moving it to somewhere else.

I have this little lap table that has two legs that fold out and sit on the bed or couch, then the top tilts up different angels if you want it to and one side don’t move it stays flat. I don’t like using it with the legs up so I leave them folded and lay it flat on the bed and sit the computer on it so it don’t get hot on the bed. Then I tilt it up to type and things. I keep my glass siting on the part that stays flay but with the computer and the way it sits it wouldn’t get on it if it fell and I never leave the cup there if I am not sitting right there with it so it don’t get all over where ever the table is sitting anyway. Last night I had just came in and sat everything down I hadn’t tilted the table for the computer and then forgot to move the cup. I wasn’t a wave from it more than a minute if a minute. But at least for now it is working and hopefully it will stay that way.

Only thing that sucks is I can’t take it back now, I was thinking about taking it back and trading it for a different one, I am not crazy about the keyboard layout and things on this one. I was thinking about taking it back and getting another Toshiba if my 30 days wasn’t up yet. Now I can’t since I spilled this all in it. Oh well I will just be happy that it is working and I don’t have a $300 paper weight like I did a few hours ago.



{December 27, 2014}   Re:Scholarship News

We had Christmas at my moms and had dinner there Christmas night. There was a bunch left over so she said for me and the kids to come back last night and we would have dinner again. No one felt like splitting everything up and us bringing some home as late as it had gotten. We had to get something for her and take back down there anyway.

When we got home from there my little guy wanted to check the mail, he brought me it. There was a letter from step up in there (Scholarship News). I was kind of afraid to open it. We were waiting for his funding to come in and would be getting a letter when it did. But it was such a blah day and the kids were in such moods I figured it would be more bad news. That they had found something wrong or something. I have been worried that the school may still be getting money for him from the other scholarship and I not know it.

I almost just laid it up until another day to open, but the wanting to know what was in it got the best of me. I opened it and it was the letter we had been waiting on. It said his account has been funded and that the money is there now for us to start using and gave the amount he was awarded. I was blown a way by the amount he was awarded. He got the full amount of the scholarship. It had said that how much you got was biased on grade, disability and things like that. I know he isn’t near as bad as a lot of kids out there and he is in 3 rd grade. I figured to get about half or less of what he really got. I am so happy this will help get the things we need for school now and we should have a great second half of the year.

I am going to order him a laptop and math curriculum to start with. Then decide what other curriculum we are going to use. Now I have to figure out and get my oldest a laptop. Her birthday is at the end of next month. I think I will tell family that I want to get her a laptop for school and that if everyone would like to pitch in it would be great. She is getting older and not into toys as much and with just having Christmas she really don’t need more stuff. She got a lot of craft stuff and most everything that she had asked for.



et cetera
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