{May 18, 2017}   Still Makes No Since

I am still able to get on line come here apply for most jobs and do other things. But I can not get to my school site and I can’t get to the clerk of court site. Two sites I need to get on the most right now next to applying for jobs. I am down to $13 to last me until who knows when. I am really starting to worry and panic because I have never had this little. I need a few things around the house and I need it for gas for the truck. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea who to borrow from because I don’t know anyone to borrow any from. If I keep borrowing I am going to owe all I do get in the next week or to back to everyone. At this point I truly have no idea what we are going to do. I am trying not to borrow as well because I am going to need to borrow enough to pay the rent if the money don’t come that’s $125. He sits where ever he is buying things and blowing his money why I have spent all my money to keep things a float this long and he has no care in the world. I blocked Wanda last night as well so if he wants to get a hold of me he will have to do it himself. I am not going through someone that has nothing to do with this.

I am so close to giving up it isn’t even funny at this point. I want to message him tell him if he don’t come and pick his kids up tomorrow I will be bringing them to his job and dropping them off to him. of curse he will say he has no room for them in his truck and shit because he has it full of I don’t know what since he didn’t take any of his but it looked like a rolling dumpster when I seen it last. I bet he would drive away and leave them is what he would probably do he is that kind of an as hole. I have my meeting at legal aid to day more gas I don’t have to spend and time to run down there. I really don’t think they are going to help me they were so rude and didn’t seem interested when I was there last week. I don’t even have the gas to go turn them in at this point. I don’t know what I am going to do I really don’t.

How do you just walk away from your kids and not care what they have or don’t have and know that you left them in the worse way you could. How can you walk around with all that money in your pocket and not care what happens to them or that they want to see you or anything. I started to tell him about Little Guys kinder Graduation tonight but I didn’t he didn’t ask and I wasn’t dealing with him showing up there with her. If he was around and cared he would make it a point to know what is going on and show up and be at things for them and leave her out of it.

But who knows what he does, the internet or any of it don’t make no since to me.

I found my divorce papers this morning thank God, I looked before I left to pick kids up yesterday and they were not where they should have been. I thought they were gone then my oldest said she thought they were in the night stand in my room and sure enough they were. I was surprised to see that it says he is supposed to have them every weekend not every other. We put every other but the way something was written they had to reword it to make it okay on their end. Well somewhere in there it got changed from every other to every. I am not to worried about that because I don’t think he is going to be coming to get them much anyway and they do not want to go. I am not making them go if he wants to force it then he can file the papers with the court.

I took them to the schools this morning and gave them copies. The little kids school just gets on my nerves they act like it’s no big deal and I am making something out of nothing. No sorry he has cut all contact with me and the kids and not doing what he is supposed to and has never done this so I have no idea what to think he is doing or planing. I need to protect my kids as much as I can at this pint. The older kids school just laughed. She said well I wasn’t worried about it papers or no papers I would just give him a hard time tell him he had to call the police and you would be called long before so you be here before he got them anyway. They don’t play games when it comes to crap like this they know he is never there never around and how he leaves the kids sit and don’t do anything for them and things. Then pops in unannounced and tries to look like Mr. Dad of the Year. He knows they don’t like him and things as well. He was telling Wanda last week when the kids ask if he could go there with them for the day he didn’t want to go there what was he supposed to do there none of them liked him it was awkward or something like that. He makes it that way he stands to the side and just watches everyone instead of doing things with the kids or trying to interact with the other parents like the rest are doing. Not that he will be coming anymore anyway. He won’t know when things are since he has no contact with anyone.

I went to the office place turned in the paperwork they asked for again. They said it could be Wednesday before they finish my case. I called a little bit again and they said they had not received the papers I turned in this morning they may come in later. To call back and check and they may need sent again. Today is the second time I have sent them this is from their office I should not have to keep sending them. They should put it right int he computer this is what they got this is what it says or whatever. I am going to go back down there on the way to pick the kids up and have them send it again. I asked for a boss to call me we shall see.

So yesterday the therapist said if she maid the call and said that we were low on food and lights and things were going to get shut off they would help me get things taken care of, help me get all the stuff I needed to get in place in place without me going through 100 people to get it started and going in circles. I didn’t want her to but am at a loss right now what to do so I told her last night go ahead and make the call. She called me back and said they wouldn’t come out because there was no neglect or abuse. But the worker told her to have me call and make a Parent needs assistants report. She said the worker told her to make sure I made it right then and that they would help me. I called and made the report and they said someone would contact me to meet with me with in 24 hours. I told them my lights are going to go off if I didn’t get them paid today. They said they made a note of that. I need to go these other places and take care of things but I can’t even do that right now because they are like 20 miles or more from home. If I get there or half way there and they call wanting to meet with me I am not close to come right back to meet with them. I have to get this taken care of today. I don’t know what to do. I am trying to call legal aid and the family help at the court house to see if I can take him to court myself or if I would have better luck letting them do it. I know I can take him myself but what would be faster and get better results. I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I hate going through this battle and doing this. If he would just give me the money he owes me I would be find. He owes right now over $500 in back pay. If I had that and I get this job I would be fine next month. I wouldn’t have a problem. I am going to go to the school see if they have something to help with finding a job as well. I just pray something comes through and I am able to get help. As much as I help others and as much as I helped Wanda to be done this way by her and to never be able to get help when I need it. If I just had the help I needed one time to give me a chance to get ahead I would be okay and wouldn’t need help again. But I always get no help and scrape by so I am always pushing money in circles. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

et cetera
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