Single___Parent___Life











{May 10, 2019}   He Has Forgotten

So it is almost 4:30 and he has not shown up to fix my truck. I didn’t figure he was going to but nothing I could do because I have no one to fix it until tomorrow. I messaged him at 12 and he hasn’t messaged or called back. Mr. Auto said he tried to call him and didn’t get him.

I told Mr. Auto and Bff both he must have forgotten who he is screwing over and he is going to wish he hadn’t forgotten. I said he likes to say you don’t take no shit, you don’t play games. I said I am done playing his game and I am not taking anymore of his bullshit lies. I said let my truck not be fixed by 5 and see. It will cost him more than the $50 he made for doing the job. I said it might not happen right now or anytime soon but it will happen. He knows I needed my truck for work this week and left me the way he has all this time and now he knows I need it tonight and that I Have somewhere to take the kids tomorrow and we can only go tomorrow and he is going to do this. Done was forget it before but knowing he screwed it up and won’t even come fix it after we figured out what it is and it take him 30 minutes an hour at the most.

I called the parts store and they said they have both parts in stock all he has to do it take the one off and take it in and trade it. He didn’t have to order anything.



{May 7, 2019}   Still No Breaks

I am at my first job and still do not have my truck back. The breaks still are not done because the guy lied and never came to do it. So now I am stuck again. I don’t know what I am going do. My boss here the other one said he could come do it but not until this weekend. I need to get to work all week and things to do. I don’t know what I am going to do. I need to get there and back tonight. I have called everyone that I know. I even asked my good friend he is busy. I called bff and asked her to ask her brother if he would come do it, how much he would charge me and how soon he could get them done for me. I am waiting to hear back from her. But I have two hours before I get off and have to head to my other job. I am sitting here ready to cry. I been fighting not to cry all day. I have looked up shops no one will come out, I have looked up people who say they will come to the house but haven’t heard back from them. I have went through everyone that I know and no one knows anyone or they can’t get to it for days. I can not miss anymore work. I can get through and make shit happen as long as it don’t involve my truck. If I have my truck everything is okay, it goes down and I am sunk and can’t do anything. I messaged the guy that trains me and asked him if he knew anyone that knew how to do it and would come out to the house and he hasn’t answered back. I keep saying I don’t know what to so that is all I keep thinking over and over in my head what to do, how to do it, who to call, how to get to work, how to get home. I never feel so disparate and helpless as I do at times when I have no way to get places and get things done.



Where do you draw the line with how involved to get in things when it comes to your best friend? Where do you draw it when they are doing things you don’t agree with? Is it different than if they aren’t doing things you don’t agree with? What if it involves others? Children as witnesses? Do you assume adults are adults and will do the right thing because there are children involved or there?

Not sure the last time I posted about Bff and her mess. She told her hubby when he came home for Easter they were done they were getting a divorce and he had to move out. He said he would and that he would do it agreeing on things. He told her he didn’t want it he wants to give her the things that she wants and wanting her to give him a chance to fix things and all that of course. She told him no.

He ended up being here for a few days after Easter and stayed in his truck at the truck stop. She had to meet him at one point to get money and he kept trying to get her to give him a chance and things. He tole her that if he found out Sleeping Beauty was staying there and things he would get a lawyer and he would fight her for the kids and things. She keeps telling him he isn’t there and things. The kids have told him he hasn’t been staying there too I guess. She has told them not to tell him. They have said they aren’t going to because they don’t want him to get mad and they don’t want Sleeping Beauty to not come over anymore or what.

But others where sleeping Beauty was supposed to move into the camper and things told them he was done there a lot and that he had stayed there at least 4 or 5 times but not that he was living there. I have told her over and over not to let him move in there and that she is going to cause herself more problems because he is there and that he is just taking advantage of her. He been there almost two months and not paying anything. She was saying her lights are going off today if she don’t pay it and that she has no gas money to get to work tonight. I told her tell him to pay it, tell him to give you gas money. Tell him to get off his ass start paying. He is sitting there and blowing his money why you struggle and you don’t make him pay anything. I told her as soon as she starts asking for money he will be leaving so not to keep him there now and cause herself more problems. Where all his money is going she just don’t listen, I think it all comes down to she is To Scared To Be Alone.

I have not seen him and he has not messaged me yet still. I say still because I have a feeling this is going to get really ugly and he will before it is all over. He is supposed to be home mothers day and graduation. He is supposed to put his stuff in storage Mothers day weekend. I don’t know if he is going to stay in his truck or get a motel.

So now this weekend that just past I got a phone call from Mr. Auto, he was asking me what was going on and telling me what he had heard. He said he heard from the one guy who worked with all of us at the transmission shop and then was working at the car lot told him to start with. He said you know how he is you can’t believe what he says or most of what he says so I just brushed it off. He said but then that day or the day before he had to go to Mr. T’s office for something and he started telling him that Sleeping Beauty and Bff had come in and talked to him. She took the key to the truck that got repo back to him. She said she was going to do it when I was there and never did. Not sure why she made it a point to do it now after all this time. I think just to say he wasn’t there and that they are getting a divorce and things.

Any way Mr. Auto said that Mr. T told him that they were there talking to him and that bff went down stairs for something and that Sleeping Beauty was telling him how they were together and he is living there, that her hubby don’t know. Mr. T said he asked him what was he doing and that this is his wife even if they are getting a divorce and this is his house what is he going to do when he comes home? He told him he leaves and stays here or there until he leaves again and then goes back. He said what are you going to do if he just walks in one night and hasn’t told anyone he was coming and your there? He told him that was a bridge he would have to cross when it happen. Just like it was no big deal and what he is doing is nothing. Even told him, when the kids go to bed he sleeps with her and gets up in the morning and goes to the couch before the kids get up. I know for Sleeping Beauty it’s a game and a dig he is “getting one over” on our old boss, her hubby.

Someone else asked about them and him the other day and what was going on there and that they seen or heard this or that. Her daughter was talking about them and what was between them or what. Then these two people talking to Mr. Auto. And with Sleeping Beauty saying this out of his own mouth to people.

 

Monday when I was walking to work she called me and we were talking. Some how all this mess with her and her hubby came up and things. I said look you better really think about what you are doing and having him there. I told her how he is going around telling people they are together and how he sneaks out and leaves before he comes to town and how he will worry about what to do if he comes home and hasn’t told anyone. She said he sleeps on the couch, he is renting the couch. I said oh no he “sleeps” there until the kids go to bed then comes to bed with you and goes back to the couch before you wake the kids up. She said no no that don’t happen blah blah. I said well whatever is happening or not happening I don’t care it is none of my business but I am telling you that this is what he is telling people and what is going around town. I said when you take him places and see people out and about and your not standing there to hear him this is what he is saying.

I said think about it, it is the same shit everyone came and was telling me when he was at my house and left. That he was telling them we were together and then jumped my ass said I was and you know I was not saying it and telling people we were not. I said and I said they said the same thing he says he sleeps on the couch until the kids are sleep and then…….. She is like no that isn’t and she don’t he said it or is or what. But then a few things I said she was like stop and thinking about it. I said just like sex he told me back when it had been a year and a half and he just lies about it so everyone don’t give him shit about it. I said who do you think he is lying and saying it is now or who do you think everyone thinks it is now if he is staying there and if he is telling people you all are together? I said it’s you your the one he is lying about now. I said just like telling me “yall” were in for the night when no one asked him. You didn’t need a man. You were only “allowed” to go out once a week. I said what business is any of that to him?

Last night I finally made it to my second job and was looking through facebook what little I could with the service I get there. Old boss showed up, it was just a post with a color background and our area code. My first thought was he was home or on his way or that something was about to happen. I debated on calling bff and asking her about it or telling her about it. I took it as meaning he was in town or maybe in town soon he isn’t telling anyone. Just going to show up at home and see what is going on and catch him there.

This is when I went back and forth on if I should tell her or not tell her. Because I do not agree with all that she is doing and how she is handling things. I as I said I think she is being taken advantage of and needs to get him out of there between that and his problem. But if she is going to have him there that is fine, but she needs to be honest and tell him he is there and figure it out and go from there. She needs to stop telling the kids to lie and that it is okay not to tell him if he ask. This is all where I have the problem with the kids being involved and put in the middle of it all. When this is nothing to do with them. So the way I look at it is oh well if he is back or coming back and don’t tell her then that is on her what happens. But then I feel that that is my bff I should give her a heads up. But then I feel it isn’t right I don’t agree with it then I am helping her lie about it by telling her. I should just stay out of it and what happens, happens. She will have to pick up and go from there. I can be there and support her then.

Then I think about what would happen if he shows up and he is there or he is there sleeping there so he knows he is staying there? Are they going to fight or how bad is it going to get? Then all the kids being there.

While I was on my way home she called and wanted to know if I was texting her? I said what are you talking about? I said I am on my way home from work. I have almost no service at work and now I am talking to the girls bringing me home from work. She said someone was messaging her said they got her number from the place we go out to all the time, that he knows her and that she goes with two other girls. I said I have no idea, I said give me the number I will call them see who they are what they want. I told her I thought it was the guy with the car lot old boss was working out that tossed him out. There was a guy there with that name.

When she was talking about who this was and what was going on I told her maybe it was old boss even. I then asked her what the post was all about? She said she had not seen it. She looked and said she didn’t see it to screen shot it and send it to her. I looked and it was gone. I looked on both of his pages even though I knew what one it was on could not find it. I said he either took it down or blocked me from seeing it because I can’t see it. But it was there and on this name’s page. I said he probably blocked me from it when he thought of it because it has been hours and I seen it when it had only been there for two minutes.

Today she said she asked him about it and he says he don’t know what I’m talking about he didn’t post that. I know what I seen and I know who posted it because I looked to see who posted it because it was an odd post with just our area code. And I looked to see when it was posted and I seen it had only been two minutes. The color it was all just very odd post and for him it was. I remember looking at it again and sitting there looking at his profile picture and the post thinking what to do, what was it about, why he posted it and should I tell her. I know it was there. She is going to have extra kids there this weekend. hopefully he knows and things don’t get to bad if he shows up. Sleeping Beauty should be there because he is supposed to be helping watch the extra kids. I don’t know I told her because she had this guy messaging her and she didn’t’ know who it was I figured maybe it was something to do with that. He figured he see if she would talk to this guy if he just messaged and said he knew her from there or seen her there and was trying to talk to her.

 



I just don’t know what to think about bff and all that is going on. Sleeping Beauty is back at her house he was only gone a few nights how convenient for him. Then came back and “worked” all night again and let her sit up and wait on him. Then said his phone died. He plugged it in and fell a sleep. I don’t buy it you plug it in you can use it. She has no idea where he stayed or was the two day he was gone she dropped him somewhere he got a ride after that.

He didn’t have much to say Wednesday night he talked and joked a little but not much. Then got mad said he wasn’t coming next week. I didn’t say anything asked her why she said because her and I were on our phone. I was a couple times I was talking to oldest. I don’t know what bff was doing. He thinks we were talking to each other. I said oh but it’s okay when he does it until his “friend” gets there and they can run to the bathroom together. Oh before that Bff said she seen her bosses kid was sick and didn’t know if they were going to work the next day. They were messaging for a minute at one point. He said instead of all this messaging back and taking all this time and hassle why don’t you just call her. I said boy isn’t he one to be talking Mr. Just text no phone calls. He looked at me like he was going to say something and then got this look like f@$& what can I say and looked at bff and she was looking at him like yeah. He just put his hands down and shut up.

Something was said about old boss coming home tonight and Sleeping Beauty needing somewhere to stay. I said your staying there just stay telling the truth. He was like I’m not going to be laying there sleeping when he walks in. I said your staying there be big enough to tell the truth about it. Bff said something about him not having a key to the gun safe it should be okay. I said you don’t need a gun to kill someone.

Last night I messaged her lets go to Gator. $2 shots. She said she couldn’t he was there and another friend was over. I said so he is always there leave him there and bring here.

In a minute I get a text from him saying they are in for the night she is only allowed to go out one night a week and she don’t need no man or to be drinking and driving.

I said first off no one asked you, no one said anything about a man and she don’t have to drink and drive. Me and the other girl are there can drive. He never replied back. I didn’t talk to her after that she said she had company I wasn’t going to bother her more.

I just want to shake her be like what the fuck are you doing? Everyone is talking about it and this isn’t right this isn’t you. Everyone is pulling away from you and you don’t even notice. Your telling your kids to lie, your helping him do his drugs and letting him take advantage of you all the while making your situation worse. I told her the other day she is screwing up big time and making everything harder on herself way harder than it has to be. She is set right now and could be to get everything in line and taken care of for her and the kids before she throughs boss out and tells him she wants a divorce. She going to do it right now nothing ready or set up because of sleeping beauty and he is going to walk away and she is going to be on her ass and probably back at her mom’s because she is going to have nothing and old boss is going to hit the roof and stop giving her money when he finds out he is there. I do not blame him for it the way she did everything and lied.

I am not going to message or call her and see how long it takes before she does me. If she messages me I am going to tell her she needs to call me if she wants to talk. When she does and ask why I am not messaging her I am going to tell her because he reads everything I send you can’t have a private conversation with you no more. So it’s just easier to talk when he isn’t around.



We all went out last, well me Bff and Sleeping Beauty and Bff’s oldest daughter drove them. Her aunt didn’t come said she didn’t feel good. I think she didn’t come because she isn’t happy with what BFF is doing. Her husband told her to stay out of it and not to say anything.

Old boss, Bff;s husband called she want outside and talked to him he asked where she was and was asking who was there. Then he wanted to know how Sleeping Beauty got there. She told him that they had picked him up. That I was coming from so far away south of where they all were it made more since for them to pick him up than meet me and that they picked him up over by my house somewhere at a friends house. I was not happy when she came back in and said that. I looked at her and looked at Sleeping Beauty and he just got a drink of his drink and looked at her and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I was looking at him like wtf. Then she went outside and talked to her hubby again and came back in and said he was still starting about him and him staying at her house he don’t want all that in his house and things. Sleeping Beauty said what is he talking about my drug problem. She said yeah. Then she text Sleeping Beauty and they walked outside. Her daughter asked me if he had a drug problem? I just shrugged my shoulders and she said something else and was asking questions. I said well everyone knows why he left my house. She said why? I said because he didn’t pay someone and they were coming to kick my door in and your dad and the other guy found out and called me up there and told me about it. I said then they all told me not to go home and confront him and I did anyway because if they think I am scared of him or scared of him because of his background they are very wrong this is my house I am taking care of it and I wasn’t sitting there waiting to see what was going to happen or someone else to take care of it. She said oh yeah I remeber my mom saying something about that. I said then the guy came there looking for him saying he was looking for someone else. I said but when I called and said this guy was here this is what he looked like. She asked your dad what does so and so look like and he said this that and the other told her the same thing I just told her. They were walking back up at that point but she wasn’t happy.

They all started talking and things something was said and Sleeping Beauty said she brings it on herself. I said yeah I know. She said how, he said I don’t want to tell you because you will cry. He turned looked at me and said oh my god they all cry about everything at her house. I said I know. Then her daughter walked back up she had went to the bathroom. We talked some I asked again about how she brought it on herself he said nothing I don’t want to make her cry. He said she is making a mess and a problem or something like that. I said oh I know I been telling her this for a while now. I said and telling the kids don’t tell and things I said one of them is going to tell. Sleeping Beauty said I am just waiting on him to come walking in that door one night and I am sleeping on the couch. He said all hell is going to break lose. I said been thinking the same thing he is just going to show up one night. He said I already told her she better just stay out of it and out of the way and let whatever happens happen let me take care of it.

Me and her daughter were talking when they went outside too she asked me so what do you think of the two of them. I was just like I don’t know. I don’t want to know anything. She said my dad is going to freak the fuck out when he gets back or finds out. She said I miss my dad but I am not looking forward to seeing him because it is going to be so bad at my house when he gets back and this all goes down. I said I have been telling your mom the same thing and she knows it. I said she is making things way worse for herself than she has to and than it has to be. I said she is going about all this all wrong. I said it isn’t right and telling the kids to lie and things. She said I know.

I just want to shake her and be like wake up what are you doing? But she isn’t going to listen she is going to do what she is doing and things are going to get really bad. I am worried someone is going to get hurt when he gets home and everything comes out. I asked her yesterday so if he isn’t supposed to be there and he isn’t staying there, where is he supposed to go stay when he comes home for Easter. She got quiet for a minute and then said stunned I don’t know? I said there? It’s where he lives now. She said no he can’t do that. I said I wondered if you thought of that or not. I said he got thrown out of his moms and he isn’t staying down the street now. She just no idea what to say and said I don’t know. I said I bet he stays right there. She said don’t say that. I said well. I figure he will most likely go spend the weekend at his moms and go see his family for Easter. He did before and does most holidays. I didn’t say that to her I figure I just let her think about that for now and think about what she is doing and how this is going to turn out or could in the long run.

I am still shocked that old boss has not contacted me or Sleeping Beauty since this all involves him and I have been brought into it as if he is around because of me. Sleeping Beauty said last night oh but I was okay to be around when I was supposed to come and protect everyone and make sure everyone was safe if something happen. I said I know right, he was the one that told us to get a hold of you. But he knows like everyone else that this isn’t about him being there out with us. It is about everything boss is starting to hear and be told and the fact that he seems to be around all the time. That she is the one that picks him up he has stayed at her house and things. This is the fact she is lying and it is catching up with her. when all this was being said is when he said she is bringing this all on herself and things.

I messaged her last night and said why did you tell him you picked him up for me? She said I didn’t I just told him you worked late and was coming from the other direction it didn’t make since for you to pass here to pick him up then have to come all the way back. I said yeah but it sounds like you are picking him up for me and that is the way you put it to him too. I said he knows we aren’t together. She said he knows you all were thinking about getting together and hanging out and things. I said no he don’t because  you already told him we are just staying friends and not together. She said no I said yes you did she don’t remember. She was drinking last night too. But she did for some reason it came up I guess back after the night we were all drinking and I stayed there and he was questioning all that and things that we just decided to be friends stay friends. So I am sure that is why he is questioning it more as well. Why he is going with us all over now and hanging around more if we are all just friends. We never did before. I don’t mind him being there hanging out with us for me it is just like anyone else there and hanging out it don’t bother me the more people the more fun. But what she is doing and has done is not right. I have no one to answer to or worry about and I have nothing to answer for because I am not doing anything wrong and I have nothing to hide. If I have to hide it I’m not doing it.

Bff already said that Sleeping Beauty said that if he comes to him and ask him or says anything he is telling him the truth. I said well you can’t blame him and it involves him and it is going to come out anyway so why lie about it. Been my point all along. I didn’t say I would or wouldn’t but she already knows how I feel about it and that I am not lying about shit to anyone. I just said he hasn’t come to me and I am surprised but not at the same time. I said I figure he hasn’t because he figures he isn’t going to get any information about of me or what he wants. I figure he isn’t back until next weekend that I maybe hearing from him before then if things keep going the way they are. I don’t know what I am going to say or tell him. I guess it will all depend on what he ask and how. If he ask if me and Sleeping Beauty are together, been together or thinking about getting together I am telling him straight up no. I tell him what happen or what. If he says anything about him going to applebee’s with us is he coming because of me or what I am telling him, he comes because everyone knows we go and that who ever wants to go can come. Since he came that one night with us he comes when he isn’t working. That I bring other people as well and they show up now and then or when they feel like it just the same. If he ask anything else about Sleeping Beauty I am just going to say I don’t know you would have to ask him I don’t talk to him other than when we all meet on Wednesday nights if he shows up or we all go somewhere and take the kids and he shows up. If he ask how he gets there I will tell him she picks him up. If he ask why I’m tell him I don’t talk to him that much I guess he ask her to. I am like him I am not lying to him about it she brought me into it by making it seem as if he is coming there because of me or with me or for me. He isn’t. If he wasn’t living at her house and she wasn’t lying about that it might not be as big of a deal because who cares if he goes out with us Wednesday we are all just going as friends. The fact of what she is doing and how she is doing it and hiding all of it and lying about it I have a problem with that. I’m not being a part of all that.

I don’t think they are together, I think he is just looking for a free place to stay, she pays when they go out or we all go out. He hasn’t worked all week. She like I said before is To Scared To Be Alone. He is willing to stay there so she is letting him. That is fine but don’t lie about it and have your kids lying about it and get upset when others start talking and it gets back to people you don’t want it to and you have to deal with them. They are both friends but I am not getting caught up in the lies just like her already don’t remember what she has or hasn’t told him now and just getting in deeper.

 



{April 8, 2019}   Reality Setting In

Last night I was looking at facebook and it popped up, old boss, Bff;s hubby posted something a few minutes before. I looked it said feeling sad or upset and reality is starting to set in. He is away on the truck he was supposed to be back this past weekend but now not until Easter so he has been a way a little while.

I messaged her and asked what she done? She asked what I meant. I told her what I seen she seen it too. She said she didn’t know what it was all about she hadn’t said anything to him. She told me when he comes home she is telling him they are getting a divorce. I keep telling her she needs to wait and not do it yet she is going to make it worse than it has to be. I figured when I seen that she had said something to him or something had happen. That was all that was really said I went to sleep.

I went and got a tire on the truck and things this morning and tried to call her when I thought she would be taking the kids to school and headed to work. She never answered. I tried to call her a few times yesterday she never answered either. She hardly answers at all anymore her aunt said the same thing to me the other night she don’t hear from her and they she don’t see her anymore since he left and this one showed up and things. That she don’t think this is a good idea and that she thinks she is scared to be alone too.

She just called me a little bit ago and wanted to know if old boss contacted me. She said he contacted her oldest and the guy down the street where we all were drinking that night and where Sleeping Beauty is supposed to be staying. He contacted his wife this morning. She said she is waiting on her to get up so she can talk to her and see what was said or what she told him.

But I got news for her she can’t trust what she tells her because from what has been said they are or have been messing around and talking. I know she was up at the shop all the time for no real reason hanging out in the office and things when I wasn’t there because she was always logged into stuff on the computer. I would see her leaving there when I went by. This was long after her husband was fired and not working there anymore. Few times I was there she came up she didn’t hangout long never got out most the time or said she had to go because he was on his way home she didn’t’ want him to see her car there.

So she will most likely tell him that Sleeping Beauty isn’t staying there and that he is staying over there. Her oldest probably already has as well because she isn’t real happy about him being there and has been saying things and she is very two faced. As long as she is getting what she wants she acts all nice and like everything is great but as soon as she gets pissed about something or don’t get what she wants she will turn around and stab you in the back. Bff knows it she talks about it all the time, but then does all this stuff. I told her to many times you don’t want him to know something you shouldn’t be doing it where the kids can see or let them know what you are doing and you shouldn’t be telling them don’t tell daddy. I said that is wrong right there.

I said yeah I don’t tell my kids things and I also don’t do things in front of my kids. Not because I have anyone to answer to because I have no one to answer to and no one that can do anything about anything no matter how much they like it or don’t like it. But I am not going to tell my kids to lie for me there is no reason for them to. And I am not going to put my kids in that position to feel that they need to lie or that they are telling something they shouldn’t tell just because it is my business. I am not going to put them in the piston to be drilled by their dad if he walks back in the picture or anyone else that may decide to ask questions. Not telling your kids things and doing things they don’t know about is one things and I don’t have a problem with. But when you start telling them to lie and not to tell things and you are doing it and saying it in front of them that is wrong. I have a problem with that. She don’t really say much when I tell her or say it to her.

She seemed funny on the phone when she was talking to me today. She wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. I thought she was going to ask me what I was going to say or say something about what to say to him or what if he did but she didn’t. I think she wanted to but wasn’t sure. I said he probably won’t contact me anyway he will figure he isn’t going to get anywhere with me or get the information he wants out of me and left it at that. I haven’t said anything as much as I don’t agree with it because it isn’t’ my place. I don’t know what to say if he contacts me and starts asking questions. I am not going to lie but at the same time I don’t want to throw her under the bus or cause her problems. But I have a feeling by the time he contacts me if he does then he will probably already know and just trying to get someone to confirm it. I hope he don’t contact me and have to decide how to handle it if he does. I do not like being put in this position.



{February 16, 2019}   Tell Her I am Her Dad

Wednesday night when we were all out BFF said something about she would do a lot of things different in life if she could go back or had known.

I said I think about it but I couldn’t if because if I did then I wouldn’t have things I have now and…

She said I wouldn’t trade my kids or change that. I would still have them.

Sleeping Beauty said he would he would was talking about how his kids are. That you know the one says she wants to get to have a dad and get to know him but then tells him he ask to many questions and gets mad when he won’t hand over money every time she decides she needs it. He said he knew it had a lot to do with him not being there and how she was raised. He said he wasn’t allowed to see his kids and things back when she was little.

I said see I have never and will never tell mine they can’t see their kids I have all but begged them to be in their kids lives and they do what they have. It kills me because of the kids and that there are other guys who would kill to be in their kids lives and can’t and have to fight like hell to get anytime with them. They could careless about theirs and how they do them and act like it is no big deal.

I said something about how Little Bitty is bent on I need to find her daddy for her and let her talk to him and that she needs to get to know him and things. I don’t know how he is going to react if I was to get a hold of him and things.

Sleeping Beauty said you know how we can handle that don’t you? I said how? He said tell her she did meet her daddy already, it was me. He said she will be like oh hell no and not want anything else to do with getting a hold of him if she thinks it is me, she hates me. He said tell her she can have that $400 princess car too but I am the new babysitter. She will stop talking about that real fast too. I said she don’t hate you. He said she does if I give her the tv, phone and computer back and let her stay up as late as she wants she would be my best friend but since I told her she couldn’t do that stuff she hates me. It really bothers him that she don’t like him. He don’t understand that she really is not use to having a guy in around or anyone around that wants to have any kind of involvement in their life and really be there for them and be a friend. If he had stuck around and was around more things would change.

We are all talking about getting together and taking the kids camping here soon and we were talking about if he comes and things. Little Bitty won’t like it but I think she will come around when we are out of the house away from things and just having fun and doing things.

I honestly think that is a big thing with him and his comments and then backing off as well. The fact of the way she feels and things toward him. I don’t know if it just bothers him that much or if he feels that I would call things off over the way she feels for some reason. I wouldn’t because I know why she “don’t like” him. It isn’t anything bad it is because of just what I said she isn’t use to anyone else but me. Hell I hated my step dad when he moved in and raised 100 kinds of hell with him for a while before we came to a even playing field and even then I keep him on his toes at times. I never called him my dad. For me that was a huge or the thing he was not my dad and he was not going to act like it in any way shape or form. After I got older a lot older, like adult older or close to it I came around by then he was out of the picture and not living with us anymore but I realized a lot seen a lot and well it is just part of getting older and growing up.

I see how it is hard for kids in that spot being there as a kid myself and not being able to explain how you feel or why. I can understand how it feels from being the adult and put in that spot with kids and them not liking you or wanting you around. After going through it with RC’s kids. But we told them from start I am not trying to take moms place I am just here to take care of you when mom isn’t and when you are with dad. I love you and will treat you just the same as my kids and help you but I know you have mom and mom comes first. But for kids that is still hard to understand. I know my step dad knew i had a dad but I didn’t care.

I had another friend tell me to let him know he would talk to Little Bitty on the phone and tell  her he was her dad and talk to her like he was. He just tell her since he was out of state they could only talk on the phone not see each other.

I can’t do that to her. I know they don’t mean no harm or in a bad way they are just trying to be helpful and feel bad for her. But going about it that way is not the way to go. If they wanted to step up and say hey I’m not your dad but I am here for you if you need to talk, want to do something or just need a dad like person for something that would be fine. That wouldn’t bother me but doing something like they said I can’t do, I can’t lie to my kid and I am not going to do something that can or will hurt her more in the long run when she finds out. I am not asking or expect them to do that.



I got this off of strong-women.net

I read this and all I could think is yes this is so me. It’s what I have been saying all along.

Read the rest of this entry »



{September 1, 2018}   Ready to Walkout

I am sitting here at work and it is taking everything in me to not call the boss tell him I can’t finish the night I got to go and leave. Then not come back.

I knew hours were going to be cut and everything. I was supposed to get that 9 to 2 shift it wouldn’t effect me. Then I didn’t get it. Well mine and the other girls hours were cut by anout a day to day and a half. And are supposed to be more after this week.

Well I am sitting here and look up and there is a note with the other girls new hours she is working 9 hours a week in the 9 to 2 shift I had ask for. I am so fing pissed off right now. They tell me how great im doing how thankful they are for me know i need all the hours i can get do me this way.

If I didn’t have the boys bday coming up in a couple weeks and wasn’t havening to take care of unexpected cost I call him and go home now. Or if I had something I knew I could start work Monday or Tuesday, I would be gone. It is all I can do not to say something but I can’t.



{May 1, 2017}   He Told My Kids

When I was talking to Wanda’s ex last night he told me that she told him Father of the Year told my kids all what he planed to do and they were okay with it and happy for him. I said what? None of them said anything to me about it. I called my oldest in the bedroom where I was and ask her about it. I ask her what her dad had told them when he was taking them to school the last few days before he left?

She said on Thursday he told them that he was leaving and going to get a place of his own, said he was going to look at some trailers. He wanted to be able to have them over and do things with them more. Then Friday he told them that he meet someone and that he was happy and that he wanted them to know or something like that. He told them it was Wanda, they said they just told him that they liked her and things but that was it really. I am sure they didn’t know what to say being so early and on their way to school and all this being thrown at them. I am sure they are not sure what to feel or think that being their dad and things. I told them all of it Saturday, I told them how he isn’t coming to get his stuff he, he didn’t pay the money he was supposed to, that they lied about all this and used me to get her from where she was and she was going to stay here and do this behind my back without me knowing until I found out and he finally told me. I told them that he decided to take the money he was supposed to bring us and went on his little trip and took her and how they been out parting knowing that we needed money for bills and things. I am not lying for him or covering anything up for them anymore. They are big enough to see he isn’t here and things. If he is going to tell them shit and tell them to hide it from me and twist it, I have no problem telling them the truth and they don’t have to hide anything from anyone.

They are not happy about the way they done things the fact that he told them he was going to be back and take them and things and now hiding and not answering or coming back around. They are not happy with Wanda and said they do not want her to be there when they are spending time with their dad. I told them they could tell him that and didn’t have to go. I told them that he would probably bring her anyway. They said they are not going to speak to her.



et cetera
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