{December 27, 2018}   Gingerbread Houses

Last Thursday morning I woke up to a text from Sleeping Beauty, He had text me at like 6 am I woke up at 7 and by 7:30 when I had not answered he had found me on messenger added me and sent me a message on there. I was running late getting the kids up and ready for school so I did not reply. I also thought about ignoring him for a while and was trying to decide. I just wasn’t in the mood with fighting with kids and everything I figured he could wait.

I messaged him on the way back from walking from the school. He asked what I was doing I said walking home, so he asked about the truck we talked about that a little. I told him I had just walked the kids to school and was on my way home. But told him I needed breaks on it, he said something about why I hadn’t put any on it? I told him I didn’t have anyone to put them on they wanted $350 at the shop to do it I didn’t have that. He said if and when you get them I will put them on for you.

Then the next message I got was tell the kids I wish I was there to do the gingerbread houses. I told him they had been talking about doing them too. And all the outside lights and things. He said it was to late now for the lights. I said I knew.

Later that day or the next we were talking and I sent him a picture of him and Little Bitty from when we went to the beach one evening last year when he was there. He laughed or something. I said what? He said I was just thinking about that the other day. I said yeah it popped up when I was looking for something.

He asked if my mom was still staying with me? I told him unfortunately yes. He said maybe if he got paid Friday he would get dropped off Saturday and do the gingerbread houses with the kids. He pick a kit up. I told him okay and to let me know.

He ended up having family come up Saturday to do somethings with so he didn’t. That was okay because as much as the kids would of loved it and I would of like to see him it just wasn’t a good idea with my mom there.

I talked to him a little Saturday but haven’t heard from him since. Mr. Auto said tonight that someone told him his daughter is in town. I don’t know that I believe that because he was trying to find a ride to see her because her boyfriend was in an accident and in a coma he told me last week. When we were talking and talking about the breaks and things.

But maybe she is that be good I know he would be happy to see her. When we were talking before he was telling me she was supposed to come down to see him and didn’t. She called the last minute and wanted money he didn’t have and got mad. I could tell he was hurt by it and her not coming. I really do not know all that went on with his ex’s he told me here and there back when we first started talking but I do not remember all of the details. But I know without a doubt his kids and not being there is his biggest thing he beats hisself up over and has the hardest time ever with out of all he has done or been through. He truely cares and loves them. I hope one day they see that and really give him a chance before it is to late.

It isn’t just his kids, he loves kids and is so good with them. Bff’s little boy would come to the shop and hang out, he would take him and let him watch what he was doing and explain things to him. He stop whatever he was doing to help him with something if he needed it or just to talk and play around a bit with him. When he was here with mine he take time to talk with them about things they were interested in or their day or to do things with them. He tell them come on and tell me lets go, lets get them out of the house or tell them lets do this or that give your mom a break. He tell me go out with a friend go do something for a bit. I come home they would be laughing and talking. Or they would be in bed him and older one or two would be up talking or watching movies.

I told him oldest got her boaters licenses and passed her hunting safety course he was surprised. I told him she wanted to go fishing he said he had to find his stuff get it together.

I just don’t know he is a really decent guy, he just lets so much get to him. He like me handles so much then breaks. But when he breaks he lets the worse get the best of him and turns to the wrong things.

{June 9, 2018}   A Light Out

It was dead at work nothing to do and very few deliveries. About 8 I came back from taking a couple and the new guy said your drivers headlight is out, i just got a $140 ticket for that. I went and checked and made sure highbeams were not on. It was out.

Boss said so you don’t want to go back out then right? I said no I can’t get a ticket like that. She said I would be next to go home. Wanted to but didn’t, still had hopes of making money. But knew I probably wouldn’t.

I called my bff and asked her if the one from the shop who lives with them would change the bulb if I went to get it. She said yes. I got it went over there. Bff and boss are out of town. Her aunt was there with the kids. I had to wait until like 10 for him to change it. We got out there and it wasn’t out. I do not know if it was out and came back on or if he seen the part I seen and thought part of it was like I did when I went and checked. But my highbeam was out on the other side has been for a while so he changed it for me. Then we were looking he said it seemed a lot brighter than the other with the new bulb in it so he changed the other too. Not sure it really made a difference or not. I will have to see tomorrow night when I am in a darker area. He wasn’t able to aim them because he said the screws to do it with are not there ask who put them in. I dont know i don’t care at this point. I wish I could just get something else and just take this one to the woods. Have some fun with it.

{November 26, 2017}   Putting Up Christmas Decorations

Last weekend when me and my friend from the shop went out I asked him if he would help me and the kids get our outside Christmas stuff up this weekend? He said he could do that. It came up a couple times this week so I knew he was going to do it or still had it in mine we were suppose to do it. I messaged him Friday to see if he wanted to go shopping, he said he had to do some side work to make up for not working the two days and his phone bill coming out of his check this week as well. Later I messaged him and ask if he was still going to be able to help me and he said yes Saturday. I told him I was just tying to plan and get things together.

I forgot to pay my phone yesterday and it went off sometime in the night or early this morning. I knew he was supposed to come over so I messaged him from the kids phone and told him it was me I hadn’t paid my bill, to message me on their phone when he was ready to come over. I told him I would probably pay my phone when I went out to pick him up. I ended up taking the boys and my oldest out to do their Christmas shopping and stopped and paid my phone bill. I messaged told him I had it turned back on but still never heard from him. I later text him and ask him if he was still coming over today? He text back and said he was going to try to. I asked him what he was up to or something and he said he was really sick. He said it was pretty bad, worse than kidney stones. I told him he should probably get checked out, he said maybe. We talked a little more I said maybe it was his gallbladder. He said he hoped not. I asked him if he had gotten sick? He said all night. I told him if he wanted to go get checked out I would give him a ride. He said thanks. I knew then we weren’t going to do it, I didn’t expect him to.

I sent him a message a little while ago but he didn’t reply, I figure he is sleeping if he stopped getting sick and was able to since he had been up all night. I just text him told him if he was feeling better in the morning and wanted to get out to get a hold of me, I am going to be going to the flea markets around. I am looking for a gift for my oldest for Christmas I think she will like. I told him what time I want to leave and everything. I figure if he is feeling better and don’t have plans then maybe we could do the stuff outside when we get back.

I told my friend wait until father of the year comes by and see’s we have our Christmas stuff up. He going to be going who did that? How did she get that stuff up on her own? He has always done it with the kids and put them up since we moved here and when we were in our other house. My friend said she hoped he came by and seen my friend from work and the kids putting it all p together. Either way I hope it makes him feel like shit and he thinks about what his kids said about him and thinks about someone else doing the things he did with them and the fact that they don’t really need him either.

Last night my mom wanted to take a ride to his job and see if he was still there and talk to him. We got there about 930/945 because we didn’t know if he would be working a 8 or 10 hour night. He would be off by 10 if it was only 8. She wanted to go today but we weren’t sure if he was working because if they work 10 hours days he wouldn’t work again until Monday evening but working 8 hour nights he work Friday and Saturday too. We went ahead and went last night to see. We got there there his truck was sitting there. I thought it was odd windows were cracked. I pulled up behind it so he could’t pull out. We got out there was a guy with tools putting them in a truck we asked if he was there he took us right inside here he was coming down the hall pushing his little cart. As soon as he seen us she started freaking out what are you doing here get out leave you have to leave. I was telling him I needed the money he owed me and that the lights were going to go off this morning if I didn’t pay them. He got right on the phone and ran the other way and hid. He called the police. We were trying to see where he went because she wanted to ask him if he had all he wanted from her house so she could throw it all away. The other guy was back inside he started saying we had to leave. She asked him to ask him let us know we were leaving. As we were leaving we ran into him in the hall we asked him he was yelling at us leave just leave she asked him again he said yes he had all his stuff out of there and that he didn’t want anything else. I was telling him the kids were asking for him they were in the truck and wanted to see him. He said he didn’t care just to leave. We went out she got in the truck they were telling me to look in his truck I said nothing in there. The kids were saying no something or someone was in there. I couldn’t hear them the windows were up. I finally walked over and looked in the driver door because I was right there on that side. Sure as shit she is laying up in his truck sleeping. Well acting like it the kids said soon as we walked inside she started looking for something they think she picked up the phone. I think he must have called her before he called the police to see if she was out there or knew we were there. I was beating on the window telling her to get out she wouldn’t she just lay there looking at me. He was at the door of the school holding the door so it couldn’t be opened with him inside watching me beating on the window of his truck telling her to get out. He didn’t bother to come out side and try to tell me to leave her alone or get away from his truck nothing. I finally just left as I was pulling away the police had pulled up and was getting out. They stopped me and ask what was going on I told her I just came there to try to talk to him when he got off work let him know what was going on that he started yelling and screaming at me as soon as he seen us and called them we had done nothing. They took my id and everything came back said not to come back there or go looking for him I was going to be the one to end up in trouble not him blah blah. I said that is fine I don’t plan to, thought maybe we could talk like adults and he would at least say something to his kids that are sitting in the truck 2 feet from him calling him wanting to know why he won’t call or come over like he told them he would. But I guess it just shows everyone and them what kind of person he really is and that he really don’t care about anyone but him self. She said because it was domestic there would be a report made that if I needed it I could come down and pick it up.
Who know what all he said in it and how many lies he told them because he was talking to them a long time, a lot longer than they talked to us before and after we were done talking to them. He was still standing there with them when we left talking to them. The officer said no one was in trouble no one had said any one done anything to anyone or anything like that so I am not worried about it. They have my name and address and everything if they need me they can come talk to me. Because the guy that works with him was there and the kids everyone knows no one did anything to anyone. If he wants to try that crap.

I talked to her ex again and said she was asking him about me again. She asked if he told me he had my keys? He told her yes I was getting them this weekend. She said oh no bullshit there or something like that. He said what between me and her no we are straight why would there be? He said he told him then she thought they were straight too. He said me and you no we are far from straight or ever being straight I just trying to be an adult about everything get your stuff out of my house so I don’t have to deal with or talk to you ever again you have burnt this bridge to many times basically is what he told her. They have known each other since they were 14 he has always helped her out he has been her safe place to run all her life when shit hits the fan with whatever guy of the night/week she is with when it don’t work. He told her he is done not just because of how she went about leaving but the fact of what she done to the kids and the jam she left us in. He loves me kids he always has, we had made plans to all get together they were going to come over him the kids were going to cook dinner for me and Wanda and all of us watch a move. My kids like him as well and they had been talking about cooking and different things. They decided to get together and do that, he has never had kids of his own and his siblings and their kids live out of state and grown or whatever. But this is how close we all were, he came over before when she was watching the kids to hangout watch tv with them and do whatever. He is the one when I was joking with Wanda before about having my kids if something happen my Big Guy said so he will be our new daddy? When we said you have a daddy he said oh yeah I forgot. So the way him and her are doing the kids now after being so close her saying they are like family and things he is done.

He even said today if you jerked her out of the car and stomped her ass last night I wouldn’t blame you I want to watch or see a video because it is about time she got what she has coming. He said but don’t go do something like that again and take them. He said he has that report now and shows you brought the kids and that isn’t good for you if he goes to court. I said I know but I didn’t expect that to happen. I really just figured he see the kids talk to them tell me go to hell he wasn’t giving me anything and we would go on. I said I figured I try that slim chance he may be a man and say okay I will call pay the lights in the morning when my check goes in. But he was a scared whipped puppy and yelled and called the police. He said I just don’t want to see him use it against you and you lose the kids. He said I could careless what you do to either one of them and you have every right too after what they have done. But the kids do not need to be with them and will not be happy with them. He told them he still like together and cook and watch a movie maybe one night he would come over give me a break let me go out for a little bit they could make dinner and watch a movie.

My other friend that I use to talk to and hang out with all the time came home why I was there and she walked over and was talking to us. She was talking about how she got a hold of her and wanted her to be okay with it and things. She said she told her no it wasn’t right this was very wrong and what she did was not forgive-able that you do not do that kind of thing. She said she had tried to get a hold of another friend of theirs as well the other night why father of the year was at work and he wasn’t talking to her either. I don’t know about him if he is or not but they figure she is just trying to make peace with someone so that she has somewhere to go and this time she has burnt her bridges. She told her but how was she supposed to ignore her feelings? He was her soul mate, they were meant for each other. She said I have seen how he is I have seen how he did her, I have seen the abuse first hand, I have seen how unstable he really is, said she told her but she was different, he wouldn’t do that to her, it wasn’t like that with her he wouldn’t ever treat her that way. She said okay it is always different with the next one until he snaps on them, it is always going to be different, he has always changed when the new one comes along. That is what ever abuser says, they say it was her fault she did this and that to cause it too but you are going to see and he just may hurt you. She said something about the kids and Wanda told her oh the kids loved her they were like family they like her and they wouldn’t be a problem. She said yeah that was before you and him ran off and did all this shit and done them and their mom the way you are leaving them to fight and struggle. She said her kids are not stupid kids, they are very smart and understand way more than you think and they are not going to be like family and like you after all this. Said she said oh your taking her side after all she said about you and said she was going to do? She said yes I am because regardless of anything else wrong is wrong and what you did is wrong, it’s very wrong and I am seeing now that a lot of it was just lies from you. She said her problem is she is sick no one ever puts her in her places calls her out or whatever they all try to help her protect her or what over look the crap she does. She said I had a lot then just was done with her and then this happen and I am seeing and finding out a lot that was lies.

She also told me that she has messages saying that she told her she was just using me to get food and the things she needed, that she wasn’t really friends with me and things. She said then you were here all the time going places doing things every time I seen you two together you were always laughing and things. She said now she did you this way and you aren’t forgiving her, you aren’t over looking it, you are standing up to her and now others are too and she has no where to turn and she is scared. I said well you know I am not going to back down I don’t care who it is I will stand up to them with no problem or thought of ever backing down. She said lord I know that you wanted to go beat on RC’s door at 9 at night when you were pregnant and I wouldn’t let you. I said yes I did I would have too if you had stopped the car. I said I don’t care I would have done it, she said I know she has met her match I feel sorry for her because she is on her own with this and what she done because it was so wrong.

{May 5, 2017}   The Lights Will Stay On

Just a quick update, to let you all know we are good the lights are on and will stay on. I was able to get them changed over to my name so that he can’t have them turned off and they will use the deposit to pay what is left owed on his or tell him he has to pay it before he has them turned on at his new place. You know what oh well to bad for him he owes me money and is blowing it. Let him spend it on shit he didn’t expect to have to spend it on if he don’t want to pay me.

I took my mom to my grandma’s last night because she is helping her until she gets her money and pays her back. I was standing there we were talking about where we just came from what happen and why we went (will post about that later) she gave my mom a check for what she needed and put stuff away we visited and talked some more. She ask me what I needed to keep my lights on. I told her what I needed to keep them on but that I was worried I was going to pay the bill then he was going to turn them off so I was working on getting them on in my name. She said okay, in a little bit she ask what it was going to cost to do that. I told her it was $100 more than paying the bill to keep them on in his name. She said okay I will lend it to you. I told her no because she is 70 some years old on a fixed budget and has her own bills. I told her I would figure it out but she wrote me a check anyway. I have to give it back to her as soon as I get it. She knows I am doing what I need to do and I am not just out blowing money or what is going on and she is pissed at Father of the Year. She has lived with us and we lived with her and my mom when they let us come to their house before. She was talking about how he was and things.

We got to the truck and she walked out with us to say high to the kids, it was late they were waiting in the truck we ran in for a minute and they were talking to grandpa at the truck. Something was said about the check who she made it out to. She made it out in my married name she didn’t know I had went back to my maiden name. She just gave me her card information told me to call and do it that way. She has a hard time with writing checks anymore. I got up and called first thing this morning before they could shut it off and just told them I wanted to start service at this address and that I didn’t have service anywhere right now they said okay and done it. I ask how long before it would be “on” in case they shut it off before the new order went through. They said oh the power is already on it will just go into your name as of today and so there should be no interruptions. It never went off so I guess everything went through good. I ask them to pay it why I was on the phone they said I couldn’t take payment they would bill me. I just hung up called back and paid it right away. They gave me 10 days I was surprised. I figured they want it up front before they would turn it on. I hope to have the money in 10 days if I do I will just give it to my grandma. I just wanted to pay it get everything set here so they couldn’t say oh wait we see your related to the person that had power there already and this or that is going to be a problem. That is a weight lifted.

{May 4, 2017}   A Horrible Thought

I don’t think I said it to you all but last night I had a horrible thought while trying to figure all this out, what if I get help with the lights to keep them on and he turns around and has them shut off? They lights are in his name because he was living here back when we first moved in. They just have never been changed, the deposit is up and he didn’t need them in his name anywhere. Never really thought about what would happen if he ever got a place. But now last night I thought of that I could pay all this and still be sitting here in the dark. Then he could call and report it and they would let him have the kids. He don’t want the kids he never did want the kids when we split up. The only reason he wants them is to not pay support and now he knows I am going to go down and they are going to double it. So he will fight it most likely and do what he can to get them. And he will think that if he has them not only will he not have to pay but that he can make me pay him then.

It be about $135 more to have the lights switched to my name than I owe right now. I am trying to figure out where or how I can come up with it before they go off or once they go off so that I can pay it get it on in my name and then all ties he has will be done other than child support. That I will just got to the place and see what happens from there and let them take care of it.

{April 14, 2017}   I Got Packages

Today started out with me forgetting about taking a Wanda’s boyfriend somewhere this morning. But he was supposed to get a hold of me and remind me a day or two before and he didn’t. It is Spring break so things have been more laid back and just laying around relaxing no rushing to get everyone up and to school, no rushing to school myself and all that. Add to it I am back on my not sleeping until after day light. My friend messaged me this morning around 1130 I called I told him I could do A but not B and C. B and C he really needs to step up and figure out for himself and take care of. He just kind of decided that this would just be how it would be since I agreed to help with A. I didn’t mind the first time but I didn’t know it was going to be a every time thing. I didn’t want to deal with it today. I just told him I have all this to do I will give you a ride and run you home then I will go take care of the rest of the stuff I have to do. I don’t have time for you to do the other stuff. He couldn’t do A without doing B and C he could just do it work around it but he didn’t want to do that so he skipped A. That is not my fault, I had to take care of paperwork I forgot about I fell back to sleep because I couldn’t hold my eyes open I couldn’t drive around that way.

I finally had everyone showered feed rounded up and headed out the door, I open the door and walk into this huge box taller than me and then a box at my knees. I as like what they Hell is this and where did it come from? Then as I said it I thought of it, it was my lights and grill support for my truck. I drug it in the house and we left. I was so excited to come home and start trying to tear the truck down and putting it back together. That didn’t happen.

As we were walking out the door and dragging the boxes in my Big Boy said his tooth was hurting, I said okay we will call the dentist tomorrow and if it is still hurting when we get home I will get you something for pain. He just said it was bothering him I didn’t think anything of it. We got to therapy and we were all talking and he starts crying that his teeth are hurting and hurting really bad. Me and the therapist started looking up dentist and trying to find one that would take our insurance. I finally found one that would take it and said I had to come in fill out paperwork and they could get him in, in the morning. As soon as we left therapy we went straight there and then they told me that they couldn’t put him in the computer until in the morning and that they will call me as soon as it is done. I brought him home and gave him something for pain and he said it got better and he hasn’t complained since. I am wondering if it isn’t his other teeth coming in pushing them out because it is the same tooth on both sides. I have had that happen before and I think it is worse pain than a infection. I remember crying with it myself, to have two doing that I can’t imagine.

Since that happen I didn’t start trying to take the truck apart because I was worried if something happen and it didn’t get put back together I couldn’t take him when they called. I was just happy to find somewhere that would take him going into a holiday weekend. I looked at some things to see what I would need but I really don’t know still because I need to take some things apart to see what all I am going to need. I will probably end up walking up to the store to get more parts that I need. Looks like just some little bolts, bulb, connectors things like that.

I should be sleeping now because it is 2:13 am but I am wide awake watching Sister Wives. I can’t count how many shows I have watched at this point. This kodi is a bad little thing for tv’s. I either don’t watch tv at all or a binge watch like tonight.

I can’t wait to put the lights on the truck I won’t have to worry about getting pulled over. I took one out of the box and looked at it tonight and they are really nice. I wasn’t going to open any of the boxes until I was ready for them but I couldn’t stand it I wanted to see what they really looked like. They are a lot nicer than what they look on line, I am happy because I almost didn’t buy them because I wasn’t sure how they were going to look. I was worried they weren’t going to be as nice I was expecting so being nicer was a bounce.

{March 24, 2014}   Nothing Can Ever Be Easy

Or go as it should. Got everything set up to move paid got keys and killed myself to pretty much move everything alone this weekend to now not be able to move in until next weekend. Now that all my stuff is there beds and all. I guess someone who lived there before didn’t pay the bill so now I have to have all the deposit money upfront to get the lights turned on and I don’t have it until Friday.

Everything is paid up til May just got to pay the light and water deposit but won’t have money til Friday. Most the time they will give you 10 days to pay it in but now they say no it has to be paid first it dont’ matter who turns it on. I am so aggravated the kids are all upset and in moods. We were supposed to be in Sat and had to wait until today when we could get them to turn the stuff on. Then to find this out. We wanted to spend spring break in our new house now we get to spend it here with all the bs. Punish me for something someone else done. I can’t force the owner to keep the power on until we rent it. Feel like half set forward and 12 back. I am so tired and wore out from this weekend I just want to cry. I could have waited on a lot of stuff and been able to do some stuff with the kids why they were on break. But no we were going to have our new house we were going to do stuff there. Now we can’t do anything but sit here. they want us out.

et cetera
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