Is There a God

I don’t think so!

I will be honest my religion, faith or whatever you want to call it is something that I have been questioning a lot lately. For a while I haven’t really thought of it one way or the othe. But the last month or so its been on my mind a lot and pressing.

A little history, I grew going to church until I was in my teens. Then I went off and on through my teens here and there. When I got out of school and started working I went speratic. Then right before I met father of the year I had started going with my moms friend to his church. Come to findout it was the church father of the years grandma had gone to for years and where he went. I am not sure why we didn’t keep going there since we both were going and he had been there for so long and had friends and things there. Well writing that it makes since he didn’t really want me to meet his friends and never really went around or talk to them much after we got together. Just like he ended up isolating me from mine. He didn’t want them to findout what he was really all about. Anyway we found a different much smaller church and went there for years until I stopped going once we started having problems and split up. That is the one that turned their back on me and the kids and said I ripped my family apart and was all poor father of the year and how bad I was.

When me and RC were together we were starting to check out different churches and trying to find one to start going to. Then about that time everything happen with us and we split up. Me and the kids started going to one years later after my dad passed but that didn’t last long. It was great for the kids but I felt like there was no where I fit on or anything for me. Did not relate to anyone because everyone was married or single never been married, didn’t have kids. It was hard to be able to go because I didn’t have a sister for the kids when they had womens bible study and small groups and things. I was looked at like I was the pluge or something because I wad divorced!! Of all things. No one ever took the time to findout why or to get to know us. There was one lady who was so nice and seemed to truely care and befriended me but she wasn’t there offten because of work and things. We ended up not going and no one missed us or cared. Never did anyone call and ask if things were okay of something was wrong or anything.

I know it sounds stupid maybe. But growing up the elders of the church, teachers and other were always in contact with the members of the church and new people. If a member didn’t show up after a Sunday or two if they had not heard from you they were calling or coming to see you and make sure you were okay. It was like a family and they really cared and you felt you had friends, support and if people really cared. Real connections. If you walked in to the church and had never been there you can bet a dozen people will have spoken to you, welcomed you and included you in what was going on. Now you go into these churches someone may or may not speak to you at all and you just kind of follow in whats going on or sit back and watch. No one calls or checks up on anyone or notices if they are gone even if they have been coming for a while and if they do they are quickly forgotten and everyone moves on as if they were never there.

So that is my stint with church this far in my almost 38 years of life. I have been “saved” twice, believed in gifts, laying hands and all that.

But for a while now I have been going back and forth and questioning the whole God and church thing. Looking back over the years thinking about everything and everything that is going on now makes me question him even more.

Everyone says, pray about it, have faith, trust God, in God’s time, God says yes, no, wait, just wait, don’t give up. It maybe tomorrow, next week, next year or 5 years, BUT things will get better just wiat, trust, believe, pray and go to church.

My response to that is, how long am I supposed to pray about it? How long am I supposed to have faith, believe and and trust? How bad off do I have to be before something remotely good happens? I don’t just wait i do and do and try to do better and get a head just to be knocked right back down in days or weeks. If something good does seem like it is happening it don’t last or don’t come through.

If there is a God why do I struggle so much just to live and not have anything can’t do anything and can’t provide? When I am trying to work, trying to go to school, take care of my kids and make a better life for us? But here I sit lights going off in a few days, car insurence do Monday, and no way to pay them. Then my phone and water and things due soon.

I do not get how if there is a God I am in this situation when all I do is try to make things better for us and work my ass off. While others over here lie and do everything they can to get all the help they can never try and have no plan to do better or want to do better. Then you have deadbeat father of the year who has a job, house, truck and everything else in the world he wants or needs handed to him while his kids suffer amd do without.

You know I did better in the past, had more and things like that but can I really say it was because of God? No I can’t say I feel that it was now. Looking back it was because I was in a different situation. There was two of us in the house working and I was able to work, go to school and do things because I had help. But what was the price I paid to have that help? Being treated like crap, knocked around, ignored, and more. So because I chose to get myself and my kids out of that then I should struggle and be miserable and unhappy the rest of my life and have to tell my kids we can’t do that, we can’t go there, we can’t get that all the time and sit and stress and worry if we are even going to have a place to live and things.

All because I refused to be abused anymore and because I refuse to get back in a situation like that or to go from man to man and live off of them. Because I would rather have a real relationship than an atm? But doesn’t the bible say we aren’t supposed to do that kind of thing as well? But if we do it we are rewarded for it?

Yeah none of it makes since if there was a God life would not be this way. Then people want to get upset if you question it or it isn’t for you. Why would it be with all that I have been through and church after church turn their back or not make you feel welcome and no mater how much you pray and do your still in the same boat 5 years 8 years down the road. Why everyone else living and happy.

Everyone is welcome to have their say and I would love to hear others opinions on it all. But I also know that topics like this are very hot topics and can get out of hand. We are all adults and can have respectful conversations and different points of view with eachother. Rude, nasty or disrespectful comments will not be approved.But I really would like to hear others out on why things are this way for some and that way for others if there is such a loving and caring God? He can make ways why hasn’t he? Why is the only way I could do decent was to be in an abusive relationship? Why when I get out all I do is struggle and can’t beg for help give people things or pay them even to help me and everyone turns their back? Why if he cares so much don’t he make a way?when I am trying? I will probably get a lot of backlash may lose some followers but that is okay. Just show that what I am saying is right. When you question or don’t fit in their box instead of helping they turn their backs.

 

Where Does Sleeping Beauty Live

This evening me and the girls went to the store. Out of no where Little Bitty ask where Sleeping Beauty lived. I told her kind of far but not to far. She kept wanting to know where. We have one pet store we use for just about everything. I told her he lived past that store it was probably about halfway. She still wasn’t sure. I thought of the meat market I like to go to. I told her he lived not far from there or up that way. She wanted to see his house. I told her I did not have his address or know right where it was I had not been there. She finally gave up on going there.

I ask her why she wanted to know what brought that up? She just said nothing. I said why do you want to see his house I thought you did not like him? She said I just do and I don’t.

In a bit walking in the store she brought him up again was saying something. I said your pretty interested to not like him. She said he is okay I just don’t like his rules I can’t play on the phone. He wanted to give rules. I told her they were my rules he was just helping enforce them. She said something about him being a friend he shouldn’t do that so she could like him. I just laughed. Told her that isn’t how it worked.

Thought it was odd no one has brought him up or talked about him lately and she did out of the blue. One of the boys did the other day too but she wasn’t here. They did like having him here and doing things with him.

Maybe It Isn’t The Stress

Maybe it isn’t the stress that has me feeling like I need to go talk to them right now and figureout where everyone stands on everything. Where I stand and if this is going to open a new chaper in my life or leave me wondering through on my own as always. Maybe it is just me who is wanting to get it done,because I am ready to get up and have a life again and not just live it like I have been. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing at all. Just maybe its all going to turn out good and that is why I feel the need to get it done. Yeah I have no idea what to say or how to start and scared of the reaction and the outcome. I also feel complete peace and am 100% okay with my decision to talk to him tell him how I feel and feel that everything is going to work out with everyone being happer and working toward things they want. Even if there is rejection I am okay with it.

It has been a while since I set goals and made plans and really worked toward them. I told you all a long time ago I had reached most of my goals had to post pon a few. It was time to set some more and make some plans. I think that was right before or right after Father of the Year pulled all this and its just been a whirlwind of trying to keep up with everything and survive get through. Now I am starting to feel stable, I don’t know why because I am carless, not making it on the job i have. But I feel I am in a better mind set than I have been in a long time. It is time to get things rolling again. Maybe because I think I can truely move up by my cousin and soon. That is going to be my main short term goal. That whatever happens we are going to be okay.

I just feel free in so many ways. It is hard to explain. But affter thinking about everything over all I don’t feel that it is stress behind it all at all. Yes I am stressed about some things but not overly. I think I just feel I need to get up and get things done vs. Just doing whatever to get through the day.

Full-Time Federal Minimum Wage Workers Can’t Afford 2-Bedroom Rental Anywhere in U.S., Report Finds

This is not mine of course, I wanted to post the link but can’t from my phone. So I copied and pasted it to here. This is sad. Would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Full-Time Federal Minimum Wage Workers Can’t Afford 2-Bedroom Rental Anywhere in U.S., Report Finds

There’s not a single state, county or metropolitan area in the entire United States where a full-time worker earning the federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour can afford a modest 2-bedroom apartment.

And if those workers wanted to? They’d have to work 122 hours a week. Every week. All year.

This is according to a new report from the National Low Income Housing Coalition, or NLIHC, which calls attention to the gap between low-income wages and the high cost of rent throughout much of the United States.

The NLIHC found US workers need to earn $22.10 an hour to afford a “modest” two-bedroom rental. That’s about three times the federal minimum wage.

“This year’s findings,” the report says, “demonstrate how far out of reach modestly priced housing is for the growing low-wage work force, despite recent wage growth, and for other vulnerable populations across the country.”

Here’s a breakdown of the report.

How did they get these numbers?

The hourly wage the NLIHC uses throughout the report is called a “housing wage.”

The NLIHC based that figure on what the Department of Housing and Urban Development calls “fair market rent,” an estimation of how much a family would expect to pay in a given area.

The NLIHC then used that number to determine how much a full-time worker has to earn without spending 30% of their income on housing.

How do the states stack up?

In Arkansas, where housing costs are lowest, workers still need to earn $13.84 an hour to afford a 2-bedroom home. The average fair market rent in Arkansas is $720 and the minimum wage is $8.50, the report notes.

The average fair market rent in Hawaii is $1,879, the most expensive in all 50 states. Though the state recently raised its minimum wage to $10.10, households still need to earn $36.13 per hour to afford that 2-bedroom home.

Here are the top 10 most expensive states, including Washington, D.C.:

And the metro areas?

The disparity is starkest in major metropolitan areas.

San Francisco tops the list for the cities with the most expensive housing wage. Workers there have to earn $60.02 an hour on average to live in a 2-bedroom rental.

Of the 10 most expensive metropolitan counties, eight are in California, one is in New York and one is in Hawaii.

Here are the most expensive metropolitan areas:

Would it be cheaper to rent a one-bedroom?

 

A little, but not by much.

On average, workers still need to earn $17.90 an hour to afford a modest one-bedroom apartment.

In 22 out of 3,000 counties nationwide could workers earning minimum wage afford to rent a one-bedroom, the NLIHC says.

According to the report, a worker earning minimum wage would have to work 99 hours per week all year long to afford a one-bedroom home. That’s about 2.5 full-time jobs.

How can this issue be addressed?

The report calls out President Donald Trump and his administration, which has proposed cutting funding for federal housing assistance.

Earlier this year, HUD Secretary Ben Carson announced a proposal to triple the rent for households receiving federal housing assistance, and require they pay 35% of their gross income in rent, instead of the current requirement of 30%.

Carson said the proposal would help address rising costs of providing housing assistance, which he said currently helps only one in four families who qualify.

Trump’s proposed cuts for the 2019 fiscal year, the NLIHC report says, would “lead to the largest reduction in affordable housing and community development investments in decades,” taking “vital federal rental assistance” from 200,000 families.

But rather than cutting assistance, the report says, the government should continue to invest in housing programs that help the lowest-income households.

“The affordable housing crisis demands that we think big and act boldly,” writes Sen. Bernie Sanders in the report’s preface.

“In the richest country in history,” he says, “no family should have to make the awful choice between food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads. This is America. We have the resources to solve the affordable housing crisis.”