Single___Parent___Life











{October 28, 2019}   Back To School, Maybe

I am thinking about going back to school next year. I received mail obe day last week from the school talking about going back and different options there are. They had grade forgiveness and something else I thought I maybe able to get in and get my grant and things back. If I could do that I would just take two classes at a time. It will take a little longer but I think I could handle it and pass them with decent grades not just slide by with C’s and be happy with that. When I started and was able to put tine into them and before accident I was getting A’s and B’s.

A lot of it has to do with my accident because it now takes me more time to do the work than it did before. I have to read things over and over and really think about what it is saying and put it all together and make it make since. It takes me longer to do the work and projects as well.

Where as before when I didn’t have to take all the extra time to read it a dozen times and then to go over it and think about it forever and a day to make it make since I didn’t need as much time to get things done.

But now I can work on it in the day at work and at night as well. I can work on it in the evening on the weekends after the kids go to bed. I am going to have to miss a little work to take a few classes at the schools but I can’t help that I can’t take them on line. But I think both jobs will be alright with that of it is minimal. I think most will be in the mornings so just the day job. If I can work it good enough then I can get out of class and not be late or just be a few minutes late if I can get into an early morning 8 am class that is less than 2 hours.

I will worry about that latter first I have to see if I can make it to the meeting and if I can get back in without costing me over $2000 out of pocket to do it.



{January 9, 2018}   A business Loan

I had to go to the bank yesterday so I had the bright idea to ask about a business loan. I just wanted to know what they look for as far as credit, assets, income, type of business things like that. Of course the lady I needed to talk to wasn’t there so they gave me a time to come back today. I don’t know why but I took it. I am supposed to be there in 45 minutes and I really don’t want to go now. Lets face it, I have nothing to offer other than I am sure if I could get something open I could make it something. But as far as what they want to get a loan I probably have none of. I don’t know if I want to go hear no you can’t because of this that and they other. All the while being looked at like I am stupid or crazy for even asking. But how do all these other people do it? They do not have a ton of money to pour into a business or pay as they try to get off the ground. But they seem to figure it out and do it. I know a lot of things but this is one area that I am not sure about or how to even really go about finding out. Other than asking there. I wish I knew someone to talk to who has done it who would help me and walk me through it. I guess I should get off of here and decide what I am going to do. I will let you all know later what I decided or found out.



{February 22, 2017}   Not Picking Up The Slack

Father of the year showed up for the first time in I don’t know when to drop off money at like 2 am when he got off work. Because he has no time to bring it any other time even though he don’t go to work until 3 pm. For whatever reason when he left he called me and we got onto the subject of support and paying. I told him he has to start paying me every week and the same amount every week. I have to report it to Social Security and I can’t go down there every week or month and tell them I only got this much this month now I got this munch the next and something different the month after. When I report it to them what I get in say February determines how much they give me in April. March determines what I get May and so on. When he is paying me it shorts my check and that is two months down the road. If he is paying me then stops and not paying me them months then I am not only short what he is supposed to be giving me but the amount they take out of my check as well. So then I am short twice as much than I should be and am sunk when it comes to paying bills if I have anything else come up that I need money for like if the truck breaks down or something.

The guy at the office told me I need to go to child support enforcement and have them go after him and take it out of his check each week before he gets it. I hadn’t because I know it will take a year or more to get them to do it and even then if he don’t pay then it will take them forever to go after him to make him pay if they ever do. I know people who have been waiting years and who are owed thousands that are still waiting for them to do something and make their ex pay. I see people talking about it on line all the time and how they are waiting and fighting to get help and getting no where. So it really isn’t going to be any different than what I am doing now just another place for me to go to and deal with and jump through hoops for while trying to take care of everything else myself and the kids and go to school. It is about 20 miles or more from my house every time I have to go there as well.

I told him tonight that he has had this job for a while now and that he should be at least paying me every week even if he isn’t fully caught up. I told him I am going to report what he is giving me and that if he skips weeks anymore that I am going to go straight to child support enforcement and start a case with them so that SSI don’t get mad because they said I can go down there and get it done and should or need to. He started with his he is trying and been trying to get everything worked out and caught up. That he is going to try to pay me weekly now he has to see if he can work it out and can. I told him there is no try he needs to get off his ass and do it. I told him there is no reason for him to not be able to pay me every week what he owes me. I know what he says he makes a week so I know what he is making a month and I know what his bills are for the month. I have sat and showed him how he can pay his bills and pay others he owes and not only pay me but pay me what he is behind as well and be caught up in I think 10 weeks. He would have everyone paid back and caught up on support and be paying on time. Plus he has worked more than normal the last month or so than normal with school’s having holidays and things, so he has made more money than what we set his budget up on. That giving him extra for himself.

Like I told him tonight if he don’t start paying me at least what he is supposed to every week I am going to go have them take it out of his check every week and I am also going to tell them he is making twice what he reported has been all a long as well. Not only will it start being taken out of his check every week but it will also be going up. I said it should be the first thing you take out of your check every week and make sure gets paid before anything else is paid. He said something about having to figure it all out. I said well it isn’t fair I shouldn’t have to sit here and us do without things we want or need. We shouldn’t have to sit here and not be able to go anywhere or do anything we want to do because I have to pick up your slack and what your not paying. I said I am short money I should have in savings now because I am picking up your slack. I am doing what I have to do to make sure everything is paid and what is left and what I am supposed to pay is paid and kept up. He comes off with that money is for you to pay your bills and things not for this or that. I said what money? Thinking he was talking about the support. He said that money you get from school and your loans and things and your not picking up my slack. I said yes it is to pay my bills and I do pay my bills and I take out extra to have money for things we may need or want to go places we want to go or what. I said yes I am picking up your slack because you are $873 behind. That is two months behind that is two months of things you should be paying that I have taken out of my money and paid. I said I shouldn’t have to do that I should have that $873 in the bank to pay on another months worth of bills or put toward things we want to put it toward not spending it to pick up the slack you leave. He didn’t like it and says I guess I will have to start taking what I owe you off the top and making sure I pay you every week then. I said good because that is what you should be doing all this time just ask the judge. He got all pissed off. I said so I am going to report it this day and after that if you miss a week I am going to go open a case and just be done with it. I will tell them to up it to what you are making and I am not going to wait weeks and weeks to do it or a month I am going to go the first week you miss and do it instead of delaying it even longer. I know I know you will. I am paying rent and water and lights this that and the other. I said I really don’t care like I said I am doing what I have to do to make sure my bills are payed and things, I don’t feel bad for you for what you have or don’t have. If you don’t have enough to pay your bills then I guess you need to get a second job. I said I find it funny two grown ass adults with no kids in the house could careless if the kids have what they need or if they are sitting here unable to do anything because making sure they have their bills paid first is more important than what the kids have or don’t have. No it isn’t, it isn’t like that and you know it why you sit there and say that. I said yes it is true, I said that is why you are almost $900 behind and you call me all the time and say I can’t pay you this week my bills are due i have to make sure my bills are paid. I told him don’t have her calling me telling me why you can’t do this or that and it can’t be how we talked about. He said I don’t, I said you do all the time you tell me one thing then she is calling telling me why you can’t and why your not able to pay me for weeks at at time because you all need the money. I said when she does it isn’t going to go over well and I will just go down and open a case. So you better really think about what you want to get yourself into and do what you need to do to handle your business and keep her out of it. I asked if he filed taxes he said no he has been trying to find out from the IRS if he can claim the kids and he hasn’t had time to call. I said so you have had months and haven’t taken the time that is money you could have that could have been paying it all this time why you say you are trying to get all caught up on your bills and things. Well I said no if you were worried about it then you would make sure you make time to find out and get them filed. I am already getting mine back he could be too.

Then he starts telling me he can’t he is doing stuff for her that me and my sister should be doing for her and all this. I said what because she don’t want me to take her places, she don’t want to ride in my truck, she don’t want stuff of hers to be in my truck and then her have to touch them and take the into her house. I said the things she does and the way she does them is not right and you know it and she knows it she still refuses to get help so nothing anyone can do. I told him that he needs to figure it out and get it taken care of this week and start paying me and making sure they have what they need. He just sat there then he kept saying I got to go I need to get off the phone I said you need to list to what I am telling you and know that I mean business so you better figure something out. I just don’t get how he thinks I am not picking up the slack when he is two months behind. Where does he think that that $873 he hasn’t paid has come from at this point if I am not picking up his slack? Funny thing is he can’t explain it to me and tell me where it is coming from either. Tell me it isn’t his fault. I said it is when I am paying my part and then some and you are two months in the hole then yes it is your fault I don’t have extra money I am supposed to have in the bank.



{January 27, 2017}   Watching for the Money to Move

On the school site when we log into our accounts we can do just about anything and everything we need to do from there. We can check our aid, grades, standing, go in to work on our online classes, set up to take test just everything. The best thing is we can see if our money we are getting back in aid and/or loans is moving and going to be put into our accounts soon. I was told it wasn’t going to go in until about the 13th of next month so I wasn’t looking for it before the 17th when I have to pay my books off. They are the ones that said it is the Friday after we get our money. I get it most times 30 or so days after I start classes. But I always figure a few days out. Last term we got it shortly after add/drop time for out classes so only about 2.5 or 3 weeks out. I was looking in a group I am in for the college and a bunch of people were talking about when we would get it back and a few said that they had talk to aid yesterday and they told them to expect it by the 2nd of next month so Thursday this week, I hope they are right and that they give it all to me not half of it. Up until last term I use to get half about 30 days after class started then another month or two I got the second half. Last time I got it early and got all of it. But then others were saying they always got all of it in one lump and only got half so you never know how they decide or what group you will fall into. If they only give me half then I am going to be in big trouble because my budget and bills count on all of it now. I don’t know if I can do everything I need to do like fix my truck and things if I don’t get it all now. I was going to use it and replace it with money I get every month that I can’t get any sooner. So I would still have it just kind of in savings. Now if they keep half and give me half I will not have enough to do what I need to do and will have it and my other money sitting in “savings” until they give it to me and by then I will have had to spend my money to pay other bills and things and then will have to use the other half to pay other bills. between house hold things, fixing the truck and money I owe. My taxes they say may not come before the 27th of March. I was counting on that to pay back all the money I borrowed and the money I owed on the washer and pay the guns I pawned off. I forgot about that until just now. I didn’t forget it is always there in the back of my mind and pops up at random times. Just pray they give in all to me and it comes this week not in a few like they said to start with. My oldest birthday is Monday and she is waiting on me to get my money to do something for her birthday as well.



{January 16, 2017}   I’m Tired

so ends post for day two now on to day three. I seem to only have the one post for day three so day 4 will follow.

I’m tired, tired of hardly keeping the bills paid and havening to depend on him to give me money. I wish one of these jobs I applied for would call me to come in. I just want to get my tax money and school money so that I can budget my bills out and have a little bit to do something with. Sitting here and can’t use the computer because I can’t pay the internet, can’t go anywhere because there is no money to go. I can hardly use my phone get some of my calls and some I never get because I can’t get a new phone. Ask him to do something as simple as getting the information needed to send the other one in and he can’t even do that. It won’t cost him anything to do it but he still won’t. He don’t care if I am here with the kids and have no phone to make a call if I needed to.

I spend most the time I am awake in my room because I still do not have my couch in my living room. He got it to the backroom by himself but now he can’t get it back in the house. We have a loveseat big enough for two people to sit on and a couple office chairs to sit on in there. The kids sit out there and play and watch tv that is it. I sit at the table in the dining room like now while I am making dinner and making sure the kids do their chores or while I eat.

I want to get my couch and things listed again so that I can hopefully sell it with everyone getting tax money back next month. Well more like March probably for most. I got a text yesterday said my tax return had been accepted by the IRS but I have earned income credit so I have wait until the 15th before it will be released and then up until the 27th to get it. I thought that I missed any of the tax credits this year since I had not worked all that much but I guess not. I can at least count on that it is almost a full month’s rent so it will be a help. I figure that will cover what I had to borrow, the price of the washer, and most of the repair on my truck. I won’t have to touch my school money for that.

I am still waiting on a replacement card for SSI because mine expired New Year’s Eve. I went to use it and it wouldn’t give me the balance when I called in. Then it said it was no good. They say they sent me one but I do not remember getting it. I think it got thrown away by accident if I got it or I put it up so I wouldn’t lose it. Go figure. I called to replace it and they said 5 to 7 business days but I have not seen it yet in the mail. I hope that it comes soon. I must have it the first to pay my rent. I cannot be late I am too close to signing a new lease. I am praying they don’t up my rent and that they have no reason to not sign me a new lease. I haven’t given them a reason but I don’t know if they have decided to do something else with it. I don’t think they have it seems they would let me know and I think the land lord is very happy with me as he wanted me to sign a new lease last year. They were calling me and telling me he wanted to sign a new lease with me if I wanted to. I want to ask for a privacy fence but I don’t know if he will do it or not. I think if I could just talk to the owner he would, but I don’t think the office will even bring it up to him and ask him. They will say we will talk to him and then it will never be brought up. I asked once before but then the air or the roof had problems so I didn’t push the issue because I knew they just spend a bunch on it. I am going to ask when they come to me and ask me to sign a lease again. Then tell them I will be in to sign it when they give me an answer.

I am tired of having the dogs in the house 24/7 and having to keep them in a cage if someone comes over if I need to walk out of the house. I hate they can’t go outside of the leash and can’t even be in the yard on a leash if someone isn’t out there with them to make sure no other dogs come in the yard. I don’t want another little or two of puppies.

My eyes are burning out of my head right now because I cut up an onion 30 minutes or more ago to go in the meat for dinner. They are making my head hurt and face hurt. I just want to go to sleep and I can’t. I didn’t go to sleep until after 5 this morning and didn’t get my homework done either. I must stay up and get it done tonight because it is due tomorrow and we cannot turn anything in late at all. I don’t want to start off turning stuff in late or missing work.

I still have this spot in the ruff of my mouth I probably have written about it before sine I have had it since I was pregnant with my 3rd over 6 and a half years ago. I went to the doctor they gave me medication for infection said they didn’t see it but felt something. It never went away; I have been on medications many times over the years and a ton this time last year when I was having all the pain in my face. It has never gone away. It is kind of hard like bone but then other times it kind of squishes like it has fluid or something in it. I hurt and makes my mouth hurt too. I have had a bunch of ct scans of my neck and around that area and I think even my sines and things before. But they never say anything if they see it. I didn’t go back to the ent because he said all the pain and problems I was having was from infection in my teeth. If it was my white count would have been off it wasn’t. I had been on three or more medications for infection and everything. If it was infection it would have been gone. My teeth did not hurt he tried to tell me they are dead. I know they aren’t because they hurt, not all the time but sometimes. I keep wanting to take something and stick the place in the roof of my mouth and see what happens. But then I am kind of scared to. I think more because I don’t want it to hurt more than anything else. I can’t stand for my mouth to hurt and I don’t want to do something to it and it start hurting and not stop.

I have to go make dinner I tell my oldest to put the meat in the skillet and start it she don’t bother to turn it on. I am still trying to just see straight from the onions, I can’t believe they are still bothering me. We have aired the house out and everything. I am the only one they are bothering.



This is how I have spent my day just waiting for my money to hit the bank. It zeroed out between 3:10 and 4:10 this afternoon and still hasn’t hit the bank. For the life of me I can’t remember how long it took before. I know last time it was just there before I expected it. I thought it would go in between 8 and midnight but still hasn’t hit. Now I am being told it will probably be between 4 and 8 pm tomorrow. I pray it is sometime between now and when I drop the kids off at school in a few hours. I go for a interview in a few hours and don’t have shoes to wear. I have a pair of slip on dress light shows, but I don’t like the way they are made and if it rains they will be soaked and like wearing nothing in just a few seconds.

I have needed dog food for two days now so they have eaten hot dogs the last two nights and whatever the little kids left on their plates. My lights are due tomorrow if they are not paid they will go off first thing Saturday morning. I also have another bill due that needed paid last Saturday and I put them off until tomorrow hoping to get the money to take care of it all.

I even went so far as to try to pawn some of the coins my dad left me and one of the guns. But they just changed the laws about pawn shops well not just pawn shops but anywhere that buys and sells jewelry coins fire arms and things like that. So no one is wanting to buy or loan on things anymore. One guy even told me he was thinking about closing up shop because he felt it went to far and over stepped and invaded his rights at this point and it would be hard to make money because you buy it at one price and then have to hold it so long before you can sell it and then price goes down. Plus other things they are going to make them do as well.

I was shocked, my friend J and my other friend that has been sick and in and out of the hospital went with me when I was trying to pawn it. I dropped them all off picked up the kids and went home. My friend that has been sick sent me a message and said her boyfriend was trying to get a hold of a guy has been wanting to buy his truck so he could sell it to him. I asked her why because they had money and he don’t have any other car or truck. He can’t drive it right now but he will need it later when he can. She said to get me the money I needed since I couldn’t get it. I was floored. I told her to tell him not to do that I would work it out and get it. I only needed $100 that day I knew the rest I had until tomorrow to figure out and get. I just knew if I was pawning stuff to get it I needed to do it all at once instead of doing two or three different pawns. I wanted to get all the money at one time. The $100 I didn’t end up needing that night any how because my truck started having problems and I wasn’t able to take the kids to their activities anyhow. She said just let him he couldn’t drive it anyway but I couldn’t do that. I would never let someone do that unless I just had no other options and could not do without it and I don’t think I could even let them do that then. I still kill myself trying to figure out how to get it without them doing something like that for me.

When I looked later my debt to the school had zeroed out so I figured I would have my money by this past Wednesday but I didn’t. I thought for sure today and still nothing, then when it all zeroed out I figured by now it would be there. I thought that when it zeroed out all together it went right in, but I guess not. I am surprised because they are not open tomorrow. I pray it isn’t held up somewhere until Monday.



{July 23, 2015}   The Hunt Continues

I applied for around 40 between the third and sixth and have heard nothing back. I have talk to them and all they say is we will go through the applications and call you back if we are interested. I am now filling out more applications but feel I am running out of places to apply at this point. I am going to have to take another loan out to pay my bills and it is just going to put me out more in the future. Right now it is all I can do other than get rid of and pack all my stuff and go move in with my mom and we all know how that was and will be.

She called me again the other day all upset because she may have to move again. She don’t know why I won’t just come over there. When she is the one that has no income coming in at all and lives in a smaller place than me and the kids. She wouldn’t have to get rid of anything to come over here, all her stuff could be put in storage. But my house isn’t good enough for her. She done said she couldn’t watch my kids because it would be to many hours for her to work if she gets the disability so she couldn’t do both. That it wouldn’t be enough for her to just stay watch them. But when she called she tried to use the well if I come over there I can’t watch the kids because of the way things are there. Um hello it would be easier to watch them here than her place they have their rooms to go to they have the back room to do their school stuff they have the house to do whatever in and a huge front and back yard if she wanted to take them out or the carport. not just sitting huddled in her little living room at her house. Just her way of trying to manipulate things to the way she wants. I said that’s fine you already said you couldn’t anyway. Then it was how she could if I was there but blah blah. Then it was she wouldn’t be able to afford a place again if she loses this one and she would be stuck with me forever if she had to come over here. At this point I don’t know when or where I would move if I had to leave here. She cant afford the place she is in now she has to have a room mate if she is there or somewhere else so it isn’t going to make a difference either way. IF she leave there and gets one to move somewhere else or if she finds one to stay there.

A year or more ago she could have filed for all this why we were there and she sat there and didn’t. She come up with every excuse in the book to not file for it. On top of it made until no one could stand to live there with her and took advantage of it all the way around. When I was there I hadn’t not even a dollar to get gas with from trying to keep on top of all the bills and pay stuff. I couldn’t even walk out of the house to get away from her. God forbid if you did go out of the house to go to the store or something when you came back in it was don’t touch this don’t touch that don’t watch here go watch there you may have picked up whatever the bug was going around at the time. I couldn’t cook dinner without being told don’t put the meat here don’t touch that you touched the meat the kitchen needs bleached down 100 times because you took the meat from the freezer out of the pack and dumped it in the pot never laid it any where or touched anything but it still needs bleached down. I can’t live that way. We are clean and I make sure not to cross contaminate but I am not extreme ocd about things and I am not living that way. I wouldn’t do it and it would be a big fight why she was in there on top of me why I was trying to do something bleaching the kitchen down. Then she start oh the bleach was close to this or that it may have gotten in there through it away and cook something else or whatever. It just goes on and on. She won’t take anything to help her with it and I am not living with it. I don’t have to and I won’t. At this point I had to go somewhere I don’t know where me and the kids would go but it wouldn’t be there.

She is my mom and everything but you can’t help someone who don’t help their self and you don’t help someone who cries for the help but then has to have it 100% her way and make life miserable for everyone else. When she is in my house I just tell her this is how it is and if you don’t like it then there is the door you don’t have to be here no one is forcing you to stay here you are here because you want to be or need to be and we are helping you. This is how we do things and this is how its going to stay what you decide to do is up to you and fine with me.

Everyone say oh that’s your mom you can’t just put her out or tell her to leave whatever. But I am not putting her out I am just letting her know that this is my house she can stay but this is how things are and we are not changing how we live and do things because they aren’t how she wants them done. It is up to her to stay or go and if she goes that is no her no one told her she had to. You can’t walk in anyone’s house and tell them how to do things and just take over.

I am just stressing because I didn’t want to take more loans and really thought I would have a job by now and be ok. I hate taking loans right now because I know I am going to need loans later to help pay for classes my grand will only pay for so much and I used part of it before to pay for school. But I really have no other chose and don’t know what else to do other than take out another one.

I also feel that I can’t just pack my stuff and take the kids and go there because if I do I am never going to get things straight for me and the kids. If I keep giving my place up and going to stay with someone when things aren’t working I am never going to get things worked out for good once and for all. I will just keep going in the same circle. I can’t do that i have to work things out once and for all and get me and the kids on the right track and able to make it with out worrying about this once a year or every few years.



{May 15, 2015}   No Test Yet

Again I try to write and see nothing on the screen I don’t know why it dose this when I try to do a post. The only way to get it to show up is to change it to a different color. I tried to close the post and open a new one a few times and it still dose the same thing. 

Anyway I didn’t go take my test yesterday my babysitter didn’t show up. She was busy at the school taking care of things. I had no one else to ask. This is how it is if I go to work, school the doctors or anything. I never know until time to go if I really have someone to watch the kids or not. 

Now I am set to take it Monday I’m supposed to be able to take it then and sign up for classes. I don’t know because with my phone being off I haven’t been able to call and talk to anyone since I missed it yesterday. I am hoping the kids aren’t going with father of the year until tomorrow that they will stay there Sunday night instead of coming home. Then I can just get up and go not have to worry about getting them up and dropping them off. If they don’t stay there I’m back at not knowing until right before if I have a sitter or not. It’s just a huge mess. Then everyone says well why don’t you do this or that. It’s hard when you really don’t have any help. People don’t believe me when I say I have no help it’s just me and them pretty much. 

I have decided as much as I really don’t want to do it and get back into the loan game again I am going to take out a loan to help pay my rent up. If I don’t I am going to be in a bigger mess. This will give me time to do my classes get things with father of the year and RC taken care of and hopefully find a job I can work from home at. If not one I can work from home then one that I can work around school and things. I won’t have to worry about missing if I have all my stuff with them two straight I will only have to take my test. Hopefully I can do them on my days off. 

I just have to decide if I want to go do it myself or go to the child support enforcement office. I think I can get it done faster if I go to the court myself so it maybe a option for father of the year. But with RC if am not able to find him then I may need to go with them and see if they can find where he is through his other son. And I know he is probably going to ask for a dna test, they will do it. I’m not to worried about the dna test I think he has to pay for it if he really wants it so even if I go through the court I shouldn’t have to cover it. I can’t pay for a dna test right now. It is going to be all I can do to pay for court cost if I have to pay them for the two cases.

need to do some research again and see if I can find any information out about RC. I can’t believe with all the stuff on line and everything else I can’t find where he is without paying for a report to tell me or getting a PI to find him. But 12 years ago I sat down found a address and phone number for someone I didn’t know and all her families names, but I can’t find him as much as I know about him and the ones he is with and everything. so crazy. 



{May 13, 2015}   My Great Debates

I was thinking about everything going on with father of the year, schooling the kids, me going back to school, trying to go back to work, and dealing with child support for my little one. It is a lot on my plate to deal with.

Schooling for me and the kids I think I have planed out and under control. I feel I can handle the going to school and schooling the kids fine. I already know that I will be doing my classes on line and at night after the kids go to bed. I will also have weekends or other days that he takes the kids for the night to do my school work and studying. I did really good with my other class and I did the work for it at night or on lunch. I know this is going to be more work than my other class, but I still think I have it. That leave’s the day’s and evenings open to do school with the kids and take them on field trips or what. We may go to a 5 day school week for them just so if I need to take a day here or there to get things done we don’t fall behind.

Dealing with father of the year and him showing up and taking them when he wants and paying if and when he feels like it has got to come to an end. I decided today I am going to tell them that I want child support from him when I go talk to them about RC. They will give it to me because right now they are living with me. They will tell him if he wants custody or visitation then he needs to take me to court. I don’t figure he is going to take me to court at all. If he don’t that is fine. He can still see them when he wants and things. But at least they will make sure he is doing his part. If he don’t there will be records of it to show through a 3rd party. I won’t be my word against his and he can’t tell others he is paying or fight with me and tell me he paid. The other day he was telling me he did to pay me when he first moved out. He didn’t pay me for 6 months when he first moved out.

The child support thing with RC shouldn’t be horribly hard if they will look in the computer and see where he is working with his social security number. I gave it to them and it is on file with the court house. I know they probably aren’t going to want to or say they can’t. They are probably going to say I have to have a address to send him papers to. But I think I may have found a way to find out. I have just been waiting to check into that until I know I have someone who is going to do something. I don’t want to pull strings and get the information now and then it be to old he moved or something in the mean time. I want to get it right then so it is the most up to date.

The thing I am most worried about right now is the getting a job. I worry about it because I have to be there the time they say the day they say. I have to ask so far out if I need a day off and they don’t like you to ask for days off or if you do they don’t want you asking for to many off. I know that I am going to have to go to the school to take my final test for each of the classes I am going to take. They will be on different days most likely. I will have to take off to go to the child support office and I pretty much have to come in whenever they ask me to they don’t work around you. If you don’t go when they tell you they drop your case and you have to start over and they drop any help you get. If they don’t let me do father of the year and RC’s at the same time I have to go back different days for each of them how ever many times that takes. I know I have to go for a dna test with Father of the year and RC is probably going to want one as well. Thinking he is going to get out of paying boy is he wrong. I can say with out the shadow of a doubt 100% would bet any amount of money even my life on is, I know who all 4 of my kids fathers are and there are only two. There is no way shape or form that they could be anyone else. My older 3 are father of the years and my little bitty is RC’s. I don’t want to start a job that I am going to have to be asking for time off all the time.

I don’t know what made me think of it but talking to my friend I did. I am thinking about taking out a student loan to pay my rent for the next 7 months. I would have June through Decembers paid. With the little bit I get each month right now I should be able to keep the bills paid. Without a job I can’t pay the bills and rent. I didn’t want to take loans out unless I had to. But this might be the best way to do it. Since my classes are going to be shorter than normal term classes too. This will let me be more focused as well. I could wait to take care of things with RC and Father of the year but that is something that really needs to be taken care of right a way. Father of the year for sure because until someone steps in and tells him this is how it is and that he can’t show up a day or two after he was supposed to be here and pick them up and that when he is supposed to have them he has to get them and that if something like work comes up it is up to him to have a back up plan for them not just call say he isn’t coming and leave it to me to figure out at last minute. I don’t always have someone I can call and it shouldn’t just be dumped on me to figure out. School and my job are just as important as his. I have to be responsible and have everything covered when I have them. He needs to take responsibility and do the same. What if they were at his house he got called in or something happen? I was at work what would he do? He also isn’t going to pay if they don’t tell him he needs to help I think the big thing with that is like I said before. He feels if he don’t pay I can’t then I will say oh no we are going to be homeless again come back home and pay the bills. Then he can walk back in and act like one big happy family. It’s all about control with him why he just calls and says he isn’t coming. He don’t show I can’t go to that interview, I can’t go put in that application for that job. I can’t get a job so then I can’t pay the bills he will have to move back in and pay them. So he thinks. I have to take the control away from him as soon as possible. I would have already been to the office down there but I wasn’t sure how to handle it and take care of it and they are supposed to be contacting me. Soon as I get done with the school this week I am going rather they have contacted me or not.

The other debate is to look into seeing if I could get a business loan. I have thought about it before but never did it. I always figure they aren’t going to give me one because I don’t have much income coming in. But then the other week I was talking with someone and said that to them. They looked at me like I was stupid and said if you start a business that is your job and income that is what they are going to consider. I was like uh well duh I guess so I never really thought about it that way. But I also have no assets really and not that great of credit. But for some reason it has been on my mind a lot the last few days that I should try this. I keep saying I can’t because I have to bring enough money in to cover the bills and things for a business and home. But if I pay my rent up and can pay the bills with what I already got coming in. Then that is even better because then I only have to worry about bring in enough money to cover the bills of the company and the loan if I get one. I won’t be so stressed about trying to pay the bills at two place. I can set my own hours. I can hire someone to work part time when I need to take a few hours or a day off. The kids could come with me and sit do their work or help out.

I also figured if I am going to get a lone to pay the rent up for the rest of the year then I would pay all put like $2000 at one time. I would take part of that two and put away just in case I needed anything. Like right now I am worried the starter is going on my truck. If that happens I don’t know that I could buy one keep the bills going. But I could buy one out of that money then put a little back at a time until I got it al back in there. I would also take out of the two and buy all the kids lessons for the year out of it. I will get most of it back through my sons scholarship and as soon as I got it back I would just put it back up with the rest. So even though I spent the money on that it wouldn’t be 100% gone I would be getting it back. If I done that my rent would be paid up for 4 months and then still have about 4 in the bank. I just wouldn’t be able to touch it for any reason unless like I said my truck broke down I needed a part or I got some thing for school that I knew I was going to get the money back for. I even thought about taking out a couple extra hundred just for school stuff for the kids. That way I can keep rolling it over once I get the refund from the scholarship on what I buy. I can put it a way to buy something else when it is needed or go ahead and order other stuff we need if there is stuff. Because that is a big part of the problem right now is that we know what we want to use we just don’t have the upfront money to get it. Father of the year was supposed to give us some out of his tax money or his vacation pay to get some stuff and we were going to just keep rolling it. Then he decided not to.

Anyway that is my debates now. I have to decide quick if this is what I want to do or not because whatever I am going to do I have to do Thursday. I think the cut off date is Friday for loans and aid.



{May 12, 2015}   Finally Got Aid….I think

I went back to the college to sign up for my classes and figure out my student aid. I took in my letter showing that the loans had been paid. For the guy to show me that there is still around $2500 owed on them. I got the letter it said we paid blah blah on your loan. It was about what I owed and I had paid on them some so I just folded it up and filed it. I never read all of it. Well at the bottom it said I owed more and there was still $2500 owed on it. I don’t know how with what I paid and then what was paid later on it.

The aid office gave me a number and I called it said there is $106 left owed on it. I don’t know how they ended up with that when the letter says almost $2500. I just called them for the 3 rd time and they still said it was only $106 so I paid. It I had to borrow the money until I get paid Saturday to get it paid but I am trying to meet all these deadlines and am not even sure that I’m going to do it or if I have missed any.

They said that it would take two days for them to fax the information over to the aid office at the school. I just called when I got off the phone with them and set up a time to go take my test for Thursday. It is supposed to be there by then. I hope that it is because I only have until Friday I think it is to get all my stuff right and have them do what they need to so that I get my aid. I was going to go tomorrow and take my test but I figured that I should do it all at once since I am going to need a baby sitter to do both. I am going to try and drop them off either tomorrow evening so i can go first thing Thursday morning over there or get up early and drop them and go. I know her and she don’t like to get up early and it takes forever to get them dropped in the morning with her. It is easier to drop them the night before and let them stay the night.

I just hope this all goes through and works out. If it don’t I don’t know what I will do I am counting on getting these classes out of the way so that I can take fewer classes in the fall.

I now need to get off here and do my aid application for the 2015-2016 school year. Take advantage of the kids being good and quite. God knows they were far from quite why I was trying to take care of everything I needed to do on the phone.



et cetera
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