As you all know I started school last Summer, I started with two classes then took 4 in the Fall. I ended up dropping two because of being in the accident and having the concussion. I was lucky and able to work with my other two teachers and get through the other two classes. I took off Spring because I was so sick and thought I was supposed to have surgery and things. I already with dropping the classes last term I didn’t want to end up dropping anymore or not making the grades I want.

I sat down a few weeks ago and started looking to see what classes I wanted to take for the summer. I was really dreading it and not looking forward to it because there isn’t really anything I want to take. I just have to get this two years over to get into classes I want to take. I started going through the list of degrees again trying to see if there was anything I missed that I could take and just get it done without dreading every classes every time I had to sit down and do the work. I started looking at the A.S. I seen something that said Social and Human Service.

I started reading about it and it said that they are waiting on approval from the state and would start offering classes in the Fall. I started looking at the classes and clicking on them and a lot of them go with other degrees and are already offered. I was able to sign up for some of them to take this Summer. There was an email address to someone at the school I emailed her and ask if they knew how long it would be before they knew if the state had approved it. She emailed me back and said they had. That they were working on having the rest of the classes up in time for Fall.

It is so that you can work with Social workers and things like that like and assistant I guess. From there you can go back to school and still get your Masters or what. But this gets your foot in the door and lets you work why you are.

It has two options, one is domestic violence and the other is something aging to do with elderly. I wanted to go for the domestic violence part. I sat down looked at all the classes and what ones you have to take before which ones and put a list together what I need to take what term and how many terms I need to go. It stinks because only one class out of the 4 I have already counts so I am basically starting from the be-gaining with this degree. I figured out if I could graduate by the end of next Summer. There are a few classes I want to space out and not take two in the same term because of the amount of work they require. I am trying to only take one Gordon Rule Class a term. They require a lot more research and papers to be written, where as the other classes are more informational. As I moved things around and looked at the aging part there are only three classes to have that option just like there are only three for the one I want. If I go between now and December of next year I will only have to take 4 classes a most terms and 5 a few, but I will finish with the aging and domestic violence part. So that is what I am going to do, It will give me more options for work as well.

I had only signed up for three classes this Summer,general psychology , one of the domestic classes, and micro computers. I have to have general psychology before I can take most of my other classes so I took it to get it out of the way. I went back and signed up to take my speech class to get it out of the way as well. I am so excited because other than comp class and speech class the rest are all pretty much classes I am interested in taking. I  have one humanities class and I wanted to take world religions. I finally found the other day where it tells you what you can take and it is on there so that worked out good.

The only bad part right now is the fact that I have to pay for Summer next year out of pocket for all the classes and books I need. I am going to try to save it out of my loan money I get the next few terms to pay for it. The PELL grant will only pay for two terms a year. I really want to get this all done by the be-gaining of December of next year. I don’t want to have to take more classes come Spring.

I found a job Sunday that I applied for I am really hoping that I get. It is a few blocks away from home and it is 20 to 24 hours a week. It would be good because I could file exempt on my taxes and get more back a week, right now why I don’t have to pay daycare I can put that money away for when I do. I am going to just get a sitter to come here to my house and sit with my two little ones. Instead of paying someone to watch all 4 of them. My older ones will be here but can take care of their self.

I am just so happy and excited that they started this and I found it before I wasted anymore time on classes that were for nothing. I can’t wait to get started. I start the 16 with 3 of them and the other starts the 13 of next month. I tried to get my books weeks ago so I could start reading and get ahead at least there but I have to wait until the 9 to get them. So very disappointing there.

I am just so happy, this is something I have wanted to do for over 17 years and to now finally take the time to do something I want to do and that will make things so much better for me and the kids feels so good. I wanted to call my dad the other night when I found it and figured out I could finish next Summer and finish with both parts Fall of next year. I know he would be so happy. He always wanted us to go to school. He was glad that I went to massage school and got my bail bonds and did my training to be a doula. But I know this would make him beyond happy.

{May 14, 2015}   The Test

In 13 1/2 hours I will be sitting in front of a computer taking a test. I have not been in school since May of 1999. Other than when I took my massage therapy class and that was way different than this. I can not believe that May 17 will be 16 years since I graduated high school.

I look back and wonder where the time went and feel I have wasted half my life or more. I’m going to be almost 42 when I finish collage. Then I still have a 3 year intern-ship to do. I will be 45 before I can even think about working in the field I want to go into. What teen or teen mom is going to want to listen to some 45 year old social worker tell them what they need or how to do things?

I feel like I have failed my kids and that I should have done better before I ever had them. I try to figure out why I didn’t do things different and why I things aren’t better for them.

I look back I wanted to do so much when I finished school. But all I was ever given was a hard time told how I couldn’t do it wouldn’t do it, picked on and made fun off all the time. I was never really encouraged to go to school beyond high school. Like I said I was told I never finish that, why would there be talk of collage? My mom wasn’t one of them mom’s who wanted to know your plans after high school. She wasn’t one to sit down and look schools and programs up with you and try to help you pick the best one  and how to pay for it and things like that. It was one of them things that was just never brought up or talked about. If it was it was never nothing more than go over to the local school see what they had to offer. Then it was why would you take that.

I wanted to go to the college and take some classes but I knew how things were at home and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do that and be living in my moms house. I didn’t make enough to live on my own. I wasn’t allowed to have a car or license. If things weren’t done just so even when I was grown it was fucking hell and miserable. So I just worked and worked some more until I was finally able to get a way out I thought was pretty solid and going to be ok. Things just kind of went from there and here I am today. Things didn’t work out like I planed so I didn’t get to go to school them. I went back to work to have a place to stay. Then I had kids and I through all my time into them and working. I got that job at the bail bonds and I loved it figured I do that forever. Then the bottom fell out of that my marriage went to shit and here I sit.

My dad was the only one who ever pushed me to go to school I don’t know why I didn’t go stay with him once I got out of high school and done things different. He wasn’t around a lot for my to stay with and he had my uncle there that I couldn’t stay with. He been in jail for things and I couldn’t be around him. I don’t know I’m sure if I had told my dad I wanted to stay there he would have told him he had to go somewhere else. But I can’t even think about that right now because that just goes somewhere that tonight I can’t go. I can’t think about how things may have been different and how they would have maybe changed the way things were the last year or so. Because I am barely holding it together right now with all the stress.

But my dad always wanted me to finish school it really ment a lot to him. He wanted me to go on to college. He would of helped anyway he could. But as far as being that person to sit down help me figure everything out that wasn’t him. I went to the schools to try to get help I just felt like i didn’t belong and because I had no clue what I was doing they looked at me like I was stupid. Why wouldn’t they that’s how everyone else treated me. But I was I had never been shown anything about trying to go to collage or how to decide what to go for and what classes to take. Or to even get aid to go. When I was in high school and tried to go I was told I wasn’t able to go. My grades and things weren’t good enough. I later found out that my grades were fine. They weren’t honer roll but I was passing and if I had been allowed to do college classes it would have made me want to do better. But even when I tried I was getting no where and told no. I gave up did what I had to do to pass the classes to finish to prove others wrong and do it for my dad. That was it. I guess they wanted to save the spots for the kids who made the perfect grades. Not those of us who did the best we could and had to work a little extra at it.

I have looked at the test once since I started all this the other week. I really don’t know if i am going to do very well. I was told I can still take classes it will just determine what ones I may have to do some remedial classes. I don’t want to have to do that because if I do that is going to take money from my other classes I need to take. The math I really don’t think I am going to pass. The writing reading I can score high enough in most the time. I am going to study some tonight and some tomorrow before I go. I am not a good test taker. The class work I get it I can study it and score great on it’s just when it comes to test. I don’t know why even when I think I am doing good I end up making just enough to pass.

All the other stress going on right now don’t help. Even now my mom keeps saying why are you doing for that why don’t you go for business or something like that. I don’t want to go for business, do you know how many people go for a two year business degree? It use to be the big thing what everyone was talking when I first finished school. Just to be able to say they had a degree so places would hire them. I don’t want something just to say I have it. I want it because it is something I want to do when I get done and set out to go to work. When it comes down to it there are people out there with more than a two year degree fighting for the same jobs I’m trying to get with no degree. Even a two year degree in business isn’t getting to many people to far any more. I figure if I am going to put the time and money into something I want to make it worth my time and money. I am going to go walk the dogs and try to study a little and try to get some sleep tonight. It is already 12:30 am can’t stay up to much later.

{May 4, 2015}   college Bound

Today I made myself go to the college and check into getting signed up and taking classes. I was going to go but since I didn’t have the application fee I figured it was a waste of time and what little gas money I had. But something said go anyway. I went and talked to a adviser and she said I have to get a general AA then go from there. She said it take about 6 years I think. I am not sure about that because what I seen said something about 3 to get a masters and 7 to get a phd. I have to search and find the information and take it back with me.

But she did look up and say that I had not only applied and paid my application fee but had brought in my transcript as well. I didn’t have to reapply I just have to submit a readmit application. I did that a little bit ago. I should hear back on it by Thursday. She also told me that since I had all that in, had already applied for my financial aid for this term and just need to take the perk test I could start classes as soon as the 18 of this month. I had been told aid wouldn’t pay for summer classes but she says it will. I think there are 3 mini summer terms I think I will take 2 classes each term and have 6 classes taken care of by the time school starts in the fall. Then I may take 3 or 4 classes and go from there.

I talked to the aid department and they said they are still showing student loans in default so I have to take them the letter showing that they took my tax money last year to pay it off. I hope everything lines up for me to be able to take classes starting the 18. Why I am ready to get started. Seems to be what happens most the time I want to go and check into it then end up having to wait or put it off for some reason and then not going back.

I am kind of worried jumping in and starting with summer classes because they are mini semesters and they are only about 8 weeks long. But I think if I pick my classes carefully I will be ok. I am thinking about taking my speech class over the summer so I can get it done and over with. I hate the idea of speech class. But if I can take it over summer it will probably be a small class so not a ton of people to get up in front of. I am trying to take everything that I can on line. She said I could do my speech class on line but then I have to get 7 people together record it and down load it and send it to the teacher. I don’t have the means to record it and download it or 7 people to get together to do it. Its easier to just suck it up and take the class. I will have to get a sitter for the kids once or twice a week. But most the other classes I can do on line.

I am going tomorrow to take them the letter about my aid and to see how soon I can sign up for the perk test. I know I should have no problem with the reading and writing but the math, the math is going to kill me.

{April 30, 2015}   My Head Is spinning

I really do need to get to the collage and do what I need to do to get started in some classes. I’m not even sure what I am supposed to be going to take classes for. I have been looking stuff up tonight and trying to make sure I go for the right thing and what is going to give me the most opportunity when I get out of school and let me work in the areas I want to work in as well. My head is spinning from all the information and trying to figure out what each sub title or field is under the heading and what one would work best for me.

Looking at it all and if I am understanding it correctly I can get my Masters in 2 years and a PhD in 7.5. That isn’t bad considering I thought it would take me around 8 to get my Masters. If I am right if I went for my phd I would come out of school not only being able to have my own office and be a therapist but also teach. That would be great because it would open more options for employment. I wish the school here was open on Friday so I could go in and talk to someone.

I was hoping to get to go tomorrow but the kids aren’t going to their dads until Friday. They are going then for sure if I have to take them and drop them off to him. I have to plan this party and shop for it so I have everything to do it Saturday. They called to see if they could go tomorrow but they can’t since he is working.

I’m going to spend the next couple days researching all this and writing things down. Then put together a list of questions so that when I do get to talk to someone I don’t forget to ask them everything. I hope that once I go in and talk to someone I can take the test or come home with a date to take the test.

et cetera
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