{April 7, 2020}   A Grandma Who Bakes

The other night I came home and the witch started her shit again as soon as I walked in. I don’t know what Little Bitty done but she was saying stuff about her or to her and things. We really got into it over that. I just walked past her went to my room and shut the door. Let her talk to herself. I am not dealing with her fighting with her all the time. She will stand there at the door and throw a fit half the time it pisses her off. Then it really pisses her off that I don’t respond to her. I don’t care.

Me and Little Bitty got ready and got in bed it was late and we were going to watch our show together anyway. She was sitting up here on the bed talking to me and she had come back to the door saying something again. Little Bitty looked over at me and said I wish we had a Grandma that bakes us cookies and things instead of one who is always mean and nasty.

I told her I wish she did too and that I was sorry.

Was thinking about how things were when I was growing up until I was in my teens pretty much. My family was close, I was really close to my grandparents and aunts. I use to stay with my grandparents all the time. We always had the holidays there and my grandma always cooked, baked and made things nice.

My mom has never been that way. She will tell you she never wanted grand kids but then sit up and tell them how horrible they have it so much she does for them and all this. She even tried to tell me how she paid all my bills here. I am mad because she stopped. I would like to know how she pays almost $2000 in bills a month when she has no job and no money coming in. Big question of the night. If she was paying all my bills then why couldn’t she just keep her place and pay all her bills so she didn’t have to live here? They were less than mine by far. She couldn’t pay them that is why she is here and she can’t move and pay them now because she don’t have money and gets a very little bit monthly. She couldn’t pay for a place on her own. But she paid all my bills.

Here is this weeks round of The Really You

What is the silliest thing you have heard people say about you?

That I look mean and unapproachable, I have heard this from a few different people. Some who I probably would of never got to know if I hadn’t approached them first.

I met bff at my kids school her daughter was in my son’s class. I use to see her in the car line all the time. Then I seen something she had at her house as she lived very close by. I stopped her one day and asked her about it. We just started talking and have become friends from there. Years later she told me when she seen me at the school and in the car line I looked really mean or tough.

I asked her what that meant she said you just looked like someone that didn’t put up with no shit and didn’t want to be bothered by no one. It’s kind of true but your fun as hell and cool once you get to know you and don’t piss you off lol.

I had others say the same kind of things. I just tell them sorry this is my face or it keeps the weak away.

Which of your personality traits has been the most useful?

Responsibility I would have to say probably has helped me the most. Because people can depend on me and know that they can. This gives me advantages at jobs and things.


Are you a early bird or a night owl?

100% night owl all the way. When I am home and don’t have unwanted people staying with me I will be up cleaning, cooking, watching tv, going to the store or anything else that needs to be done or I want to do all hours of the night. I have said for years I would love to live in Alaska where it stays dark for 6 months and everyone goes on with life as normal. I would love if we lived life backwards and slept during the day and was up at night.

No matter how many months days or years I have to get up and be at work, have kids at school or what I have to do in the mornings it is a struggle and I hate getting up no matter how much sleep I have had or haven’t had.

{August 15, 2019}   Worse Than We Thought

I told you all in my post Back To Mommy’s House and In To Deep Sleeping Beauty had went to his friends and was staying. Well he ended up coming back instead of getting his stuff out. He got nasty with her told her to file with the courts. Then he got all mad because she was going out and had a fit. He left when She said she was going out and left. The few nights he came home and she left he get mad and left. Then he called and wanted money and told her he wanted $30 for them talking. She said she went and met him and that he got nasty with her started hitting the dash of the truck and window and all that. She said he scared her.

She told me the other day how bad it has been and that the police would not help her get him out or tell him he couldn’t come back.

The last few days we have been talking. I told her to to tell him I would move in with them. I told her I would come over Wednesday when she was off or come stay for the weekend. Or all of it. She kept saying she had it under control she was going to get him out.

Then she told me how his friend the other guy that worked at the shop with us that he was staying with before he came to my house and stayed told her he is doing Meth. His mom stopped by the other day it was their birthday his and hers I guess and she told her that when he moved from her house a few months ago and she cleaned his room out she found a bunch of spoons in his room all burnt up and coke bottles all under the bed.

I said yeah because he is snorting the cocaine, smoking crack and then doing the meth and when they are on the meth tons of empty coke bottles around. She just looked at me we were out at breakfast yesterday morning when she was telling me this. She looked shocked she didn’t know what to say and she said I didn’t know all that. I said yeah it is said but true.

I said that is also probably why he has been so nasty lately like that. He is mixing all this together taking what he can get when. I told her the cocaine and, crack only last a few minutes at a time. I am not sure about the other. I said so that is why they are always trying to find it or get money to get it. I said just like asking you for $30 because you all talked. I said that isn’t right. I said and getting nasty over everything.

She told me he is staying at the apartment where the girl he calls his little brother was living her and her girlfriend moved out. He is staying there. He was telling her how he hadn’t eaten in days and how dirty it was, how he had no money and things.

She told me how the other guy told her that when they go in to get paid on Monday they can get their cash or they can get 3 grams. I said three grams is nothing gone in no time.

I told her she better do whatever she had to do to get him out of her house and that with school starting back she was going to come home to her house emptied of anything worth anything. She said oh she don’t have anything of value really her tv or something. I said you don’t understand, it don’t have to be of any value hardly at all but they will still take it because they know they can get something for it. I said I know people who traded the shoes off their feet. There friends car and food out of the freezer to get whatever couple of dollars they could get to try and get what they needed. I said so your tv, your computers, tablets, and anything else that he can pick up and walk away with. She again looked funny and just went on eating.

I said i am also at this point worried about your mom and sister over there by their selves. I said I would not put it past him as nasty as he is being to go in there on them or go over there all nice and get in and then do something to them to get money or take their stuff. I said he knows that she helps you when you need it and that she has some money of some kind there or somewhere. I said he may even tell someone else hey there is a older lady or old lady and her disabled daughter who live over there go see what you can get or what. Then he gets his cut.

I said normally I wouldn’t think that but he is staying over there like you say he is and that is not him he don’t want dirty or messy or anything like that and he is use to eating. I said and we know he is on this, she is telling you what she found and he told you what the girls are on and with all the bottles and things his mom found he probably is too and the fact he is staying with them and always wanting to be over there he probably on that too. I said at this point he is about as close to rock bottom as you can get and tell you how he is sick when he has no money and things. I said because he needs it and can’t get it.

She just sat there looking. She said something about my house. I said that was going to be my next thing, I said at this point he is so mad at me and blames so much of this on me and he is so bad off right now I wouldn’t put it past him to come to my house and do something. He knows I am working both job, I bought the cars, that I pay everything on my own and that I have a little bit of money most the time. Not a lot but some. I haven’t had lately but he don’t know that. He always thought I had more than I did anyway he make comments about what I had and things before. She said he knows where you hide your money in your truck. I said I don’t have it anymore and can’t hide it there in my new one. I told her I said he better remember he is scared of me and that I will not play with him. I said I don’t care if he tries to come in my house or mess with my car, I will shoot him and ask questions later. I said just like anyone else I am not going to let him take my things or mess them up and I am not going to fight with him the state he is in and it came down to that.

She had told him like Monday that me and the kids were going to be moving in and he freaked out. What and she would have to go to court if she wanted rid of him and things. He wasn’t getting his things and he didn’t have to leave and if she touched his stuff he would have her put in jail. He has been threatening her with this for month or more now.

Yesterday after we left breakfast she was going to have her car looked at she called me after that. She said she told  him he had to get his stuff out that day and he told her not to touch it he didn’t have a ride and things. She told him she would send it with his friend or drop it to him. he went off about not touching his stuff and calling her. I said stop, stop answering his calls make him message you if he wants to talk to you about his stuff or anything like that. I said this way you can show he has moved and is talking about getting his stuff but refuses to. But it also shows that he moved because why would he need to get it or a ride to get it if he hadn’t. I said then pack it up load it up and take it to him or have his buddy take it to him.

She said he is going to call the police. I said but you have the text showing he has moved. I said and besides the point he is not going to call the police. Crackheads do not want to be in contact with the police for any reason. I said look this is what it has come down to, He knows he isn’t coming back there, I said as long as he can keep his stuff there and keep the phone you bought and paying for he has control. I said it don’t matter what kind of control he has as long as he has it. He can threaten you and scare  you don’t touch my stuff I will call the police, he can tell you he wants money or he is going to do this or that or comes home and shows his ass. I said if he don’t have stuff there he can’t come back there, if he don’t have stuff there he can’t threaten you not to mess with it, if he don’t have stuff he he isn’t keeping you from using the room, he can’t push you into giving him money. I said it is all him needing the control and the money. She said she had to figure out something and get him out even her daughter said he needed to leave and the kids being scared of him and things.

I also told her that she needed to do it right a way because right now he is at that apartment but that could fall through at anytime. The manager don’t know he is there. The girls moved out and just left him there he was staying the night with them or what. I said they can find out at anytime he is there and put him out. Then where is he going to go? Right back to her house and he can because his stuff is still there, and she hasn’t went to court. I said now he has no where to go but your house so he won’t even get mad and leave for the night or days. It will be even harder to get him out.

The police said if she could get his stuff out they would come make a report he moved and he wouldn’t be allowed to come back. I said hell pack his shit take it to him if he gets brave enough to call tell them you don’t know what he is talking about he came and got his stuff. It is your word against his and who knows if he did or not. I said I would just call them tell them he has left he has not been there for close to a month, that he is on all these drugs and how he has gotten nasty with her, how he hits things, screams yells calls her names and that she is scared of him. That he is threatening her to control her and get money out of her.

She called me yesterday when I was between jobs and told me she done it she got him out with a report made. She messaged him and told him they told her she could not only change her locks and set the alarm she could get rid of his stuff burn it if she wanted to. They told her to message him and tell him she had talk to them and they made a report and if he came there or tried to come in he would go to jail and she had the right to protect herself.

She told him he did not like it but did not say much about it. She took him his stuff and they talked some. He told her he didn’t know how she was able to get him out like that what did she say or do. She said I would rather not talk about it because I don’t want to fight I told them the truth and went on. He didn’t say anything. He hasn’t tried to call them to see if it was true or have her put in jail.

I told her he is done and moving on. You took his control away when you said that and dropped his stuff off. He knows now rather you really called or not you are done and not going to let him have the control and get over on you anymore. He knows it is useless to call the police because what all he was saying is not all true about having you arrested and that if he calls to much may come out about him.

I still worry he might try something at one of their house’s. Not so much worried about mine but like she said when we were talking he is close to you. He is about 2 minutes away driving. Like I told her I will not play with him and I will shoot him just like anyone else who may want to try something like that. But who knows if he gets desperate enough what he may do. He is about 5 minutes from work right now and has been going but that never last long.

We were having breakfast she was talking about when he hurt his arm and had to go to the er and they put him in the hospital for a few days or week. She said you should of seen them in there when he was in there. They treated him like a druggie. Was nasty to him and rude like he was just wanting pills or something. I said bff look because he is!!! I said they looked at him when he walked in they can see it they took his blood and seen everything he was on and taking. They knew he was not like he was. They knew it. Again she looked like oh my god she hadn’t thought of that. I said they are looking at you trying to figure out what your on or doing why your with him. She really did not know what to say then and looked mortified.

I think all we talked about and her already worried made her really see that yes this is bad and worse maybe than she even thought or realized. I am just glad she did it and got him out once and for all.

{September 27, 2018}   Re: My Friend Hates Me

Yesterday I told you all about Little Bitty telling me Her friend hates her well today I walked her to class as always. But today I had a little talk with the teacher. I had Little Bitty tell her who it was and what he was saying.

The teacher was horrified. She said she had noticed the change in her and was trying to figure out why. She said they do not sit by each other so she needed to figure out when it was happening. She said she would be looking into it and put a stop to it.

The way things are set up you can’t go to the class rooms at the end of the day without checking in at the office. So I wated on her to come out and asked her how things went today.

Little Bitty said the teacher took her and the little boy to the office. She wanted her to tell them all that was said and what happen. She said they told her that if him or anyone did this again to stop and go right to the teacher or someone and tell them. They told the little boy he could not say these things to other people and do what he did. She don’t know if he got in any trouble or just talked to. Its all new for her and she is so little. She said he didn’t say anything and left her alone today. She was okay with how it was all handled. I am going to talk to the teacher tomorrow and see what she found our and how it was handled. She did make the comment that she could not change her learning center because those were the kids that were on the same level. This is when this is taking place come to find out. I got news for this teacher, if this kid starts back in on my kid someone is being moved and she will have to figure out how to do things from there.

I am glad they are doing something and not brushing it under the rug. I was shocked when she said he was taken to the office. I figured the teacher would handle it in class and if it happen anymore then maybe office. But I am glad they feel it was important enough to handle this way. May this will show the kid how not okay this is and that he could get in lots of trouble.

{November 29, 2014}   Sick Again

My little guy has only been in school since the 10 th of this month and he only went one day last week and none this week. He caught something already and brought it home. He had fever and couldn’t go last week. Then he seemed find Friday and Saturday, we thought he was going back Monday. Then Sunday he woke up with a horrible cough and went to bed with a rash. So back to the doctor we went Monday. She said the rash was from the fever it’s been happening with other kids. But he now has a ear infection and stuff in his lungs. To top it all off my little bitty has a ear infection as well. She said he was contagious until 24 hours after the rash went a way and they only had a 3 day school week so they said send him back next Monday.

My little bitty has been so cranky and clingy it is unreal. At the doctor she got mad because she couldn’t rip the paper off the bed again and throw it everywhere. I took her down and sat her on the floor and she laid on the floor rolled around and cried forever. She was still doing it when the doctor came in and got nasty with her. She even said she could tell she was miserable and that it wasn’t like her. She said she never seen her act this way. She hasn’t stopped since and shows no signs of getting better. I have given her her meds and everything but it don’t seem to be helping. I think she is teething as well as caught whatever was causing his fever on top of the ear infection.

I don’t know what it is with the two of them but they are a handful lately. One minute they are playing great the next they are fighting and I am having to pull them apart. I am not sue to having two this close in age but with such a big age gap either. My older two I don’t remember fighting like this. I don’t know if it is because they were closer in age or what.

I can’t say they didn’t they did fight pretty bad for a while but my younger one was older than my younger one is now. He was about two and his sister was around 3. But my baby now is only 19 months old and she is fighting with her brother. She is a brute she over takes him and he is like twice her size. I don’t know what to do with her. She is so smart and so advacned but at the same time she just don’t care that she gets in trouble. She gets upset if I get on to her and tell her she can’t do that or that it was bad. She cry but then 5 minutes later she is back at it again.

Between the being sick, clingy because they are sick and being loud and fighting because they are sick or because they are feeling better and seem to think that’s what they should do. Ad in everything else that is going on and the fact that my friend decided to visit today. I am ready to crawl out of my skin and pull my hair out. I normally have my one day a week to look forward to out with a friend. I don’t have that this week. My friend is a way on vacation won’t be back until Sunday evening. I just keep telling myself that this is just a phase that it to shall pass in time.

It’s just one of them times that I am giving, giving, giving, and not getting what I need in return. I love them and I know they love me but they can’t give me what I need. Nor are they supposed to. One day maybe I will have that again.

Father of the year has been so over bearing the last few weeks I don’t know what his problem is. It started a month or so ago when the kid from a few house down came over. He isn’t a kid he is 28 I think. But me and father of the year have known him since he was about 9 him maybe even longer. He still seems odd when I see him now he is “grown up”. I forget what it was he needed or wanted but he stopped by and father of the year wasn’t here. We talked and I got whatever it was he wanted or answered his question. The kids like to hang out and talk to him. He comes over and we rent him movies and things. If we need help moving something he will come over help him move it. He borrows the lawn mower and things. Just whatever if he needs something we can help we do if we need something he can help he dose. But father of the year don’t like it if he stops by and he isn’t here. I haven’t said anything but I can tell he gets in a mood. He thinks if I talk to a guy I want them or want to get together. I don’t know why I have never been that way and am really picky about who I date and things. Anyone that knows me will tell you before I was married I was single way more than in a relationship and I wasn’t out bed hopping and hooking up with just anyone. But that is how he acts. I don’t know why he thinks he even has room to get mad if I talk to or date anyone we aren’t together and haven’t been for years. But he dose.

I have not been out of the house without the kids in months. The other night when I went out with my friend J for a couple hours and then he text and text wanting to know when I was coming home. I was clothes shopping. Not like we went out to the bar or club. Saturday I got up and left about 9 before anyone got up. He woke up why I was sitting on the couch getting ready to leave. He wanted to know where I was going. I told him to pick up J and find something to do. We had plans Friday but she got really sick. I also picked a friend up and took him to work but I didn’t tell him that I was doing that. I could have it is no big deal his old lady knew I was taking him and everything. But he already makes comments about him and me because we talk. He is the one I have known forever I wrote about before. I didn’t feel like hearing him start about it and bitching. Because he again has no say in who I talk to or what I do. I don’t not tell him because I don’t want him to know or because I am sneaking around. I don’t tell him because he can’t be an adult and say oh ok and go on. He start being really rude and nasty and wants to argue and fight about it.

He keeps asking me who I’m seeing and what’s his name and why don’t I just tell him the truth and stop lieing he isn’t stupid and all this. I am not seeing or talking to anyone at all. I have not been any where to meet anyone I never have more than 5 minutes a way that I don’t have the kids with me. I won’t take my kids around someone I just met. I don’t know when he thinks I have time to meet or talk to someone. He keeps making nasty comments and things. I have bought a few dresses the last couple weeks. I hardly ever wear dresses never really have wore them. But I have one longer one I got when I was pregnant and I were it sometimes and I found a nice one at when I was out shopping with J the other day at the thrift store. It isn’t nothing great it is just a simple white coten longer dress. I like the maxie dresses Iguess they call them. They come down to your feet or about. I don’t like my legs is why I wear pants most the time. I use to have a bunch of long dresses and skirts I would wear. But they wore our or got to small. I have a hard time finding them now that fit right that I like so I don’t buy them. since I have gotten bigger I feel like they just don’t look good. J had been trying to get me to dress sexier and nicer. I really wear nothing but jeans and whatever t shirt I grab and my fli flops all the time. Year round. I use to dress better before I gained so much. When you are depressed you really don’t care what you look like. I  needed new clothes bad I still have a lot I want to lose. I figured if I found a few dresses that looked good I could wear them for a while even after I started losing. Plus it has been really hot and pants are just to hot but I don’t like the way I look in shorts so dresses are better. But he has been in a piss mood and wanting to rub and touch on me. When I push him a way or move it just makes it worse.

I would love to have a relationship like I said in my other post. Not because of sex and things. But as bad as I would like to have one I don’t want one right now. Who is going to want to talk to and be with someone in the situation I am in? If they do they aren’t going to be someone who really cares and wants to stick around or in for anything more than some temporary whatever. If they really were interested in something long term it isn’t fair to them to be in the middle of this all and things the way they are. If they didn’t mind it is wearing and it is only a matter of time before they are gone to. Not that I want to stay in this situation I am working on getting out of it. But until then. I am not looking to get with anyone and moving in with them either. I right now just want to be alone until I am out on my own at least. I really don’t want to live with anyone again maybe ever. If I am in a relationship it would be a really long time before I would consider living together. I like having my space and I need to just have my own place for me and the kids for a while after all that we have been through with living with people moving and everything else the last few years. I need to feel in control for a change not like everything is just up side down and in the air. I need to make my own decisions about things with out having to ask or worry about what someone else is going to say or do. If someone can’t understand that and be ok with it and trust me then I guess they will have to find someone else other than me. Because I have been through to much to make the same mistakes again.

et cetera
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