{October 11, 2018}   This Bitch Has To Go

I can’t keep living like this with her the kids are misreable and unhappy. I was to a point that I felt nothing toward her no love really no hate, but right now it is to the point I can’t say I feel anything for her but hate and discuss and that I want her gone and that I do not care how or why. I don’t care if something happens to her or she leaves because she wants to. Either one would be 100% fine with me. I hate her being here, I hate and despise everything to do with her. I can’t stand to even have to see her, speak two words to her or even just her presence in the house without even having to see her gets to me. Even when no one is home me all the kids are out just knowing she is in my house bothers me. It feels like I am sharing my house with Satan himself anymore. When she is out I will be blocking her from my phone and the kids phone, I will block her from contacting everyone in everyway possible down to social media. If she shows up at my house no one will be answering the door to her, if she don’t go away or cause a problem I will call the police and have her truspassed, after that I will get a restraining order if I have to. You can not be nice to someone like her or help her it is her way or no way and I am done.

You all know how I told you she didn’t pay me for months and months because I “owed” her money. Then when it was all said and done and figured out she owed me and then still needed $300 from me. Now tonight she says that never happen and she never got the $300 from me. Now how I owe her $1200. Funny back when this was all figured it was like $123? Something or $126? Something she owed me. So I had the $1200 she owed the rest and then got $300 on top of that. But now she swears I owe her $1200 I have supposedly borrowed just since August/Sepetember. I know I “owed” her maybe $100 where a few times we took the kids out to dinner and I should owe that because we would not of went if she had not threw a huge fit and started a big fight. Then it was I could give it back to her after the first of the year. Then there was a couple times they have gotten stuff out or went out her treat and now she is charging me for it. Other stuff she has taken upon herself to buy when we did not need it I already had it it just wasn’t good enough or clean enough or not what she wanted. So she bought what she wanted now thinks I should pay for it. So she has started not paying rent again. Says she is “paid” up until past time she thinks she will be moving out. I have never wished bad on anyone but I wish something would happen that would get her out of my house and it don’t seem that it is very likely it is going to be good but hey whatever it takes at this point it takes.

Just like they were talking about this storm hitting she like I don’t know if I should call and hold a few motel rooms for us or not. I said not for us because we are not going anywhere, its hitting on the other coast and more north in the pan handle. Right in on your stupid you don’t care about these kids and to stupid to know what it could do here how bad the outer winds are going to be. Blah blah blah on and on and she thought she was going to call somewhere hold a couple. She would of lost her money and wanted me to pay for that even knowing I said we were not going.

She kept asking what I was going to do about the rent what was I going to do about it where was I going to go. I finally told her my truck I did not have it and had no where to go left it at that. I did not tell her I was trying to leave state it was none of her business number one and number two I still had no where to go there either so I still be in my truck. She said she guess she was going to be in hers too. I just said okay. She started something about me not caring about her or the kids and things. I said look I am doing best I can I have me and them to worry about I can’t do for anyone else. While she pulls I have to stay in my truck bs it was all a lie. She done told me earlier I better see if I could stay with bff and she was going to my sisters but she didn’t have room for us how she was going to have to sleep on the couch as it was. It was fine by me because I would not of went there anyway I would of went somewhere and stayed in my truck. But her having to sleep in her truck just a poor her I should figure something out. I didn’t and it pissed her off big time. Well the 3rd rolled around I still wasn’t trying to do anything acording to her. All of a sudden it was here is the $200 for rent give it back to her Friday. I don’t care I give it back to her I pay everyone back one reason I can’t get ahead. I told her I had $100 that it. Now lights going off because I gave her the $100 now she pays it but give her it and the other back when I get paid this week. Knowing I need pay other bills. But it her way have control and she can tell others see she can’t pay her bills i paid them and forget to say how she hasn’t paid rent in months and had she I could of.

Why do the good people, the helpful people, the people who care and do love get taken so soon while people like her get to live and make everyone miserable? The only one who will help you and take you in this is how she does. She already made comment about i don’t need to pay my phone the money needs to go on the bills. How i should not have paid on my guns. When i paid on them as far as I knew i had the money for the bills. She made the comment how she was going to make sure I did not have money to pay my phone I didn’t need it and they did not need theirs. I could take theirs and use. That is just so that they have no way to get a hold of me when I am not here and she can do what she wants or make them they have no way to call anyone if they need to. That isn’t going to happen. She told my oldest again the other day she was going to smack her over something. I told her before put a hand on one of them I will press charges. I told oldest if she puts a hand on one of them to call the police then me. I will press charges so fast her head will spin and I will not drop them and she already has battery charges from the past on her while she tries to act like she so good anyone who has anything is the worse of the worse and shouldn’t be allowed to walk amongst us.

I am going to see about housing tomorrow and going to ask them how can I get her out ASAP.

She come in here yelling having a fit like a little kid that I had better turn my celling fan off right now or “she” is not paying anymore bills here this is why the light bill is close to $200. My lights run about $125 give or take a few dollars when she is not here. Kids are kids they leave lights on all over all the time when we are up. I keep the air on 77 at night and 79/8 0 in the day. She has done nothing but bitch about the air settings since she been here. To high in the day to cool at night. Anyone else comes in my house stays the night says air is to high at night they are hot. They also say they are hot in the day. So day maybe little warm for her but I can not afford to run it at 77 all day and when you do it don’t shut off ever. It can go lower than 79 if it gets to warm they put it on 78. But most times below 79/80 more than a few minutes we are cold and turning it up. At night we are fine with 77 sometimes we go to 76. We all run a fan at night so helps with not having to turn air lower it keeps it cool. My bill is still $125. We also turn every light inside and outside of my house off at night. It is pitch black dark in and out nothing on.

She is always turning air down lower day and night. Screams 77 is to cold but all week we have woke up freezing and soar throats to find the air on 75/74. Never do we have it that low. 74 in winter i turn heat on. She has the front porch light on from time it gets dark, carport light and the light in the back yard until someone remembers to turn them off if I do. I get in a hurry i don’t go out that area i don’t think of it. Then she will wash one load of clothes 2 to 3 times then dry it 3 or 4 times. Sits up night and day on her computer with the light on. But my fan and the boys fan and light being on over night is what all of a sudden caused my light bill to go to $200. Because don’t we all know that those two things started using 10x the power all of a sudden and none of that other stuff has anything to do with it. Oh i even have a deep freeze in the laoundry room plugged in all the time and never have bills that high. I guess they made my water bill go up to not her washing the same load of clothes 20x or washing her hands 30x in a row. We got in a big fight about it to night its all two fans and one lights fault. But there is nothing at all mentally wrong with her and everyone else has the problem.

I just want to go ripped her stuff out of the bedroom sling it all out in the street and tell her to get out with it. But she won’t go she knows the laws and all so I would just get in trouble cause more problems for myself. I am just so aggervated. Tonight I said I was turning in an app for housing. She had a fit about that. When was I going to tell her like I am supposed to tell her everything i do like i am 5. She better be told about this stuff. Where was she going to go? I said i hadnt talk to the people i told her as soon as i knew if or when we were going to be moving but i had no idea if i would even get something. That i would probably go on a list for who knows how long.

Then she telling me how I’m not going to get help from them, this place don’t do that, I don’t know what I am talking about, they only help for a few days or weeks then where am i going to go on and on. Then how she just looked it up. I said show me. She pulls some site up shows me that is not there site it is just talking about one of many services they offer not the one i am applying for. I show her she is not on their site it is a different service then she has to keep trying to prove her point keeps digging finds their site see’s it says what I said such and such housing. She like oh there that maybe. Now she been shown she is wrong she has to have something to find wrong with it or prove me wrong. So it was back to i don’t care about my kids the places they give you isn’t safe to live or leave the kids alone at. I walked off and went to bed didn’t say a word to her. Then in a minute she telling me how I am wrong again I have to be homeless or they will not help me and I have to be sent by somewhere else or they won’t. Wrong again I seen that too somewhere on their site but it was not talking about the program i am trying to get into.

I am trying to get into a program that my rent and bills will be lower because it is affordable housing for struggling people like me. To help them get on their feet. I just want it long enough to finish school so I can get a decent job and get off of all help. A year maybe year and a half. I can’t work full time two or three jobs and go to school and do internships. If my rent was less and included my water and lights then maybe I could work part time and go to school or even if I worked full time and went one job should cover it all. Not like now where one full time job don’t cover everything in a month so I am having to work two jobs 7 days a week. That don’t work and going to school and all school needs.

I just hope something works they say they can help and the list is not to long. But like I told the lady Tuesday even if they can not help now and don’t have anything open maybe if the have to put me on a list they will be to me by the time i have to sign a new lease if i can keep scrapping by here until then. Because when I sign a new one my rent will go up $50 to $100. There is no way I can pay that at this rate. She said because I have a child with a disability and I am a single mom with 4 kids I would get bumped up on the list some if i meet income requirements for them to help me. I think the amount of income vs. the amount of your monthly cost to live bumps you to if your income is so low or to low. The fact i have a job and trying to do better helps too. She said a lot of times when they get to people on the list they no longer meet the guidelines, they do not have good contact information for them or they have moved out of the state or county so you move up faster that way. She said they had a 3 bedroom they just had to make people get out of and are reduing that I could maybe get it if I hurry and get in there and they have not called someone on the list and given it to them all ready and i met the requirements. I was to sick earlier to go but am going in the morning as soon as i come from taking kids to school.

Wow did not plan to wright all that but I am so mad i had to get it out some where. If it had not been here who knows what would of happen here at home tonight because i am just about in one of those I don’t care moods. If she got this far cross your fingers that this place can help me tomorrow and that it is sooner than later. She also ask me where I wanted to live in the county? I told her one city south of me or as far north of me as they covered I would be fine with. I just really did not want to go south and if I had to not any further than that city but north anywhere was fine. She said she did not blame me she would not want to go south either and that they pretty much only cover my area and north. That a lot of people do not want to move from x area that they are in if what they have open is not in their area they skip them on the list as well the fact I was willing to go wherever helped my placement on the list as well. I said my area is not great and if they are willing to help me I need the help to bad and grateful for what they can do and if moving areas is what it takes it is the least i can do to have a chance to be able to get on my own feet and do for myself and my kids. Moving area is nothing for what they are offering what we would get.

et cetera
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