Falling Apart Around Us

I am so over my house it is falling apart all around us. It seems like everyday is something new I go home to broken. It isn’t things we are doing anything to. The a/c messed up again had to call about that yesterday.

Get home last night to one of the boys windows hanging half out of the frame. The rod it slides on is stuck in the up position didn’t go down with the window. So now it is jammed and won’t open or close all the way. I messed with it can’t get it to close. I folded a blanket up stuffed in the open part try to keep the a\c in and closed the blind. The windows have never open and closed right from the time I moved in. I told them that. They never did anything. I never pushed it because we hardly ever open them.  I could open them but the kids didn’t realise what was happening and that one couldn’t be open at all. Not their fault.

The light in my bathroom goes off sometimes and comes on sometimes if you get it off. You have to stand there flip the switch on and off a million times until it comes on or goes off. The kids were using it so i got it on and now it just stays on.

Just to fix those 3 things is going to cost me $300. They charge $100 for everything they have to come out there for. These things are not my fault. We didn’t tell the a/c go stop working or flood my house. And they have it rigged it does not drain outside of my house. There some box catching water. So i should not be paying for this at all that is not my fault it is that way.

The light is probably a lose wire. That is wear and tear and part of being an old house. We didn’t take it off and unhook a wire. How is it right I have to pay that.

The window’s I told them did not work. They did not fix them. They look like they came from a scratch and dent sale. Most have a crack in them in the corner. I know they did not break every window putting them in so they had to of bought them that way from somewhere. But they will charge me. It was $100 when they came for the air it will be $100 for that when they come.

I just want out. It serves its purpose it isn’t a bad house over all. Most people are surprised how big and “nice” it is when they walk in. But it’s all the little things you don’t notice until you start living in it or something happens and they don’t want to fix it.

I know what he paid for the house and I have paid it off and paid for the new roof and a/c that they have done since I lived there. I am sure the taxes are more than covered. They are not paying for anything it is all profit other than maybe insurance for the house if something happens and i am sure that what I pay in a year covers that as well. So everything else profit. You would think they could fix something. Oh and the pluming that has been messed up I have paid a bunch for plumbers they wont fix. I have lived in other houses and owned my own and never had so many problems it sucks.

A Conversation With The Yard Guy

Wednesday at my night job one of the yard guys came in to clean up and take the trash out. He comes in most the time so we have gotten to know each other and we talk. He comes in and talks to me and the other guy that works with me at night.

Some how the subject of work came up he was saying that they were two guys short in the yard and was talking about how many days, hours he works and what hours. I asked him how does that work with your hours and things like that? Because I have a lot of guys ask me about jobs out there but the way the days hours were explained to me, I don’t know anyone that is going to go for it. They told me before you might work a 12 hour day but in between trucks and things you have to clock out until the next one or something else comes up that needs done. I don’t know anyone that is going to do that.

He said no you can get your full hours, you work 4 days have 3 days off. He said some guys will just work and then clock out until something else comes and sleep in their cars or what. He said but there are always things to be done always work if you want to work. If you do you can stay clocked in and get your hours.

I asked him what they pay out there? I was thinking $16 or $18 an hour. At least what I make but probably more. He said $12 and hour. I almost fell out of my chair and almost said what that’s less than I make. I caught myself and didn’t say anything. If I had that would of started an all out war around there. They are out there loading, unloading trucks, sorting everything out, packing, washing trucks, washing trailers, cleaning trash in the parking lot, they come take out all the office trash, clean the office and the bathrooms for $12 an hour. I am making $16 to answer the phone and do nothing hardly. I had just told Jw and my friend as I was walking in the door last night I was going in to watch dry paint dry some more because that is what it feels like I am doing. He said he had been there a year and half and just got a $2 raise a while back. one or two of the other guys just got a raise as well. He said but that is because they work, they stay clocked in and work not nap sleep or slack off on the clock.

I am just glad I didn’t ask to transfer to the yard like I was thinking about doing shortly after I started working there. Had I asked and they told me yeah that is $12 and hour, I would of told them they done lost their minds I would keep the job I was hired for.

But I still don’t see how he figures this all out and decides who gets what or what area makes what. But I guess I should not be surprised after all the other “math” he does in that place. None of his math makes since the way he does.

Can’t Stay On A Budget

I sat down last year and put a budget together for about 8 months or more. I stuck with it pretty well for a few months and was doing really well. Until November rolled around and everything went to shit and I got behind again instead of getting ahead and everything happen.

I was going to start again this month and well that didn’t happen. I just sat down and put one together again and everything is going to be so tight I have nothing left at the end of the week and don’t even cover everything. It will be the third or forth week of next month before I start to have money. It was oldest 16th birthday yesterday and I thought I would have money to do something with her next weekend and I don’t even know if I am going to have it for another few weeks or more now. It sucks she always seems to have to wait.

I am just under $1000 behind plus my normal monthly bills I have only been working about 17 to 20 hours a week the last month at my night job and missed hours at both jobs with my mouth. Between my mouth and just feeling very burnt out and over whelmed I have been leaving my night job at 9/930 if there is no work. I am so very tired of working two jobs and now know I have a year or two more of doing two jobs before I am going to see an end in sight. It is just depressing. Add in the time of year it is and my mood and mood swings and things I am just done. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to go to work but I do because I don’t want to be at home and I need the money of course. I just need to get out of this funk.

He keeps saying we need to get me moved and work out him moving in so I can quite one of my jobs. Bff keeps saying just tell the kids and let him move in. But that isn’t what I’m looking for or wanting to do. I don’t want to rush into living together. I want to know we are good and well into this and sure this is what we both really want and that the kids are good with him and want him to stay with us before we do that. I do not see even thinking about him living with is before August at the earliest. Really I would rather wait until October or later. I know he is on month to month and they are trying to sell the place. If that happens then I may consider it sooner depending how soon. I would have to be moved, the kids would have to know and had time to get use to him and be okay with it. If it is right away he is going to have to find somewhere to go for a bit. I don’t want him moving in anytime soon. I may not even by October but I would be willing to consider it then.

I just need to get over this all and get it taken care of. I can I have just been avoiding it. Because I just don’t feel like it, I am tired of dealing with it all doing it all. Not having time to myself without having to worry about kids has been really getting to me as well i just don’t want to do anything when i get that way. I cant ever do for myself why do any of it? I know i have to that is where the avoid it comes in. I do no more that what i have to in order to get by keep going. Whatever i don’t have to mess with think about or do I don’t. Then once it hits a point i have to deal with it i do.

 

Today’s Topic of Discussion—Day 1 and Introduction

i wanted to do a 30 day challenge but could not find one that I liked so I decided to make my own list of topics and questions. As I searched the internet of list I took questions from different list and then expanded on them and added to them as I came up with my own questions. before I knew it I was up to over 60 topics and questions. As I thought about it challenges are great and fun at times but then you finish and fall back into your habits. If you are like me, I use them when I am in a rut or unmotivated to write. So I decided to keep adding to my list and skip the 30 or 60 day challenge and do a topic of discussion on Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Friday’s.

I will post a random topic or question for the day and give my take on it, then open up the floor for you all to weigh in on it. You can leave your answers in comments or make your own post and link it back to here.

Enough for the introduction lets get started with our first question/topic for the year.

Lets start with something lite and simple a get to know you kind of thing.

What do you collect?

I collect a few things, my main things are books and coins. My biggest collection so far is books. I have about 8 shelves full of books and books just randomly here and there and in boxes tucked places. I haven’t read near enough of them but one day I will. I use to read all the time before I had kids and when they were smaller and I wasn’t working had more time at home. One day I will have time to read again. Some I don’t know if I will ever read I just collect them because of the type they are or what they are. I collect biographies, auto biography’s, true crime all different ones.

My other collection is coins I use to collect all the time with my dad and even though I stopped he kept on. He left them to me when he passed. I don’t buy any or go out looking for them but I do collect change when I find old change. I collect anything from the 80’s and older. I toss it all in a jar one day I will go through it and see what I have. I have seen some things from the 40’s in there more than I would of though. I don’t know that they would be worth anything or not. I just haven’t had time to mess with it past from just dropping it in a jar.

So there you go topic of discussion Day one. So what do you collect?

Not Desperate, But Pissed Off

One night last week I was talking to the driver from work that talks to me now and then on my drive home from work. He still makes comments about hooking up and things all the time. I tell him he needs to go over to such and such street he can find someone who will help him. He says he isn’t looking for something like that and how gross it is or what.

Then he says so hypothetically if you were to charge for it how much would you charge. I said I’m to expensive for what your looking for. I laughed and so no really I have no idea because I have never been that desperate. I have always been able to get up get the money and make something happen. Figure out how to take care of things.

I said people who do that are people who don’t want to put in the work to make the money or just looking for quick easy money. They have no interest in trying to make something happen or figure out other ways.

At the same time I was messaging my friend about something my car had done that night when I got in to leave work.  He messaged me back and we were messaging back and forth when it hit me.

The proposition  I made my good friend, when everything happen with the new truck I bought. I haven’t been that desperate but I have been that pissed off. Over being lied to, taken advantage of and the $4000 I just gave him for the truck.

Still that isn’t something I would of said to just any o body like this guy from work or what.

 

 

 

 

It Has Been A Long Day

And night so far. At least it is only 10 minutes til 10 pm and I only have two hours left. I could of left at 9 or 10 but with only getting 7.5 hours here last week I need all the hours I can get. My work was done before 9 so I have been bouncing back and forth between my desk and outside. Watching netfix and listening to YouTube on my phone. I am sitting here outside listening to music and writing this on my phone.

Like earlier it is such a nice night I want to be just about anywhere but here. I haven’t been able to just sit there at my desk tonight. It was hard sitting at my desk all day today even with work to do. I am sitting out back watching the trucks come and go and get loaded. Its been a pretty quiet night other than the ones calling in to cry about having to work, their co drivers or what they are having to do.

This day has just been one of them dragging take forever to pass kind of days. I don’t know what it is but it feels like 4 hours have passed and it’s only been 10 minutes if your lucky. It is hard not to leave now and go home. But I wouldn’t be doing anything but that going home to lay in bed and not be able to sleep. May as well sit here and work.

My mind is all over the place today. I am hungry and have less than $10. I get paid tomorrow for my whopping 7.5 hours. My check Friday was a whole 14 hours. I had rent to pay last week. This week I am hit with what, lights and car insurance. I am supposed to be able to delay it and for some reason I can’t.

I want to go get food but I don’t want to use the extra gas or spend the money. I could eat whatever they had for dinner when I get home. But I dont feel like messing with it at 12:30/1a.m when I finally get there. I just fall in bed and try to sleep.

I messaged Mr. Responsible was going to see if he lend me a few dollars until Thursday or Friday and being me some food. But then didn’t ask him, I know he hasn’t had a lot and probably missed work too. Even if it was his last few he would give it to me because that is just how he is. I don’t want to short him for the week. I will just shuffle things around and try to take a little out tomorrow.

Oh great I have Mr. 8’s birthday this week too I knew I was forgetting something. I know it is just not thinking about the money coming out this week. Maybe I wont pull any out. Good thing I didn’t borrow any. I will make it work I always figure it out and make do.

Only a Rain Storm

Hurricane Dorian did nothing but bring some wind and rain. Nothing more than a normal Florida rain storm we typically get this tine of year really.

I can not believe it. I am grateful we didn’t get slammed by a cat 5 or something like that and feel horrible for the people in the islands. I know we could be going through what they are and I could be out a lot nore than money. But right now I am out like two weeks pay.

I don’t think I can go camping now for Mr. 8’s birthday until a week or two later or next month. I have been figuring and figuring money and moving bills around trying to make it work. I just don’t see how. I feel bad I really want to take him and I really wanted to go with Mr. Responsible and his son. Us all and Bff would of had a blast.

I need to go over my tent see if it is usable, get a canopy, food, gas, cake and gifts, part of the money for the site. I don’t see it happening next weekend.

I may see if he still wants to go once I get money settled and get it all planed out again. I hope he dont get upset he said he understands.

I have Mr. 13’s birthday coming up 2 weeks after Mr. 8’s I have to do something for. I don’t know what he wants yet, I have to ask him. He was telling me something the other day Mom of The Year here can’t remember what it was. I think he wants to go to the movie but not sure.

I have to pat on bills they are hitting at once. The one I can normally move the due date because the date comes at a really bad time anyway. But for some reason I haven’t been able to move it. I figured things out I think if I don’t do the trip I can still do something and get everything taken care of. I can get the gifts from the kids and cake with family. Give him a date with the camping trip or tell him sit down with me help me pick somewhere to go. He will like that. That will cost me a lot less and then that part will be out of the way as well. Since the gifts from the kids will be done. That is a nice chunk of money in its self. I will do a cake when we go camping if BFF and other go. They will give him a little gift and things too.

I don’t think BFF is in the mood to go camp and things right now either after being away so long for the storm and things. I am tired wore out and just want to get back to normal and that wont be until next week and even then wont will missing work and more money to go camping, being away from home and all that. It be another week before I get back to any kind of normal. I don’t know if mentally I can handle that right now.

I feel bad but I never told him we would go camping for sure on his bday. Just that we would go.

Hurricain, Not So Fun

So now we have a hurricain that may hit us. We have no idea until Saturday and everyone started losing their minds yesterday. Then this afternoon I get a text we are closing tomorrow so they can prep for it. I do not see where we really need to do anything for the shop but I guess they feel we need to.

I am not boarding my house up, I see no reason to the way it sits. I think it be a long shot for anything to fly into any of them. If something comes out of one of my tree’s it is going to hit my roof not my window. Bigger problems to worry about. But I’m really not worried. If it blows in under a 3 I am sitting in my house. If it comes more I have no idea where we are going to go or how we are going to get there.

I have to get 4 kids, two big dogs and two birds in my car. The dogs want to eat the birds. There is hardly room for the 4 kids. I told them everyone can take a few outfits of clothes and that is going to be it. One or two things they dont want to lose if we have room. I’m taking my dad and guns. They can take a blanket if we have room. I am so mad we don’t have my truck to even get out of here in. At least I would have room for the dogs and a few things.

I hope it don’t blow in here to strong. We have never had a direct hit but we get hit by the bands pretty bad.

My mom is all freaked out we have to leave and board the dogs and get a bunch of food. We are going to be without power for weeks. I am never without power more than a couple days.

She acts like I am hoarding money away I make so much. I am bleeding money right now. My rent is due Sunday, I have to pay it by Tuesday and I do not get another check until Wednesday. I am short a day this week from my day job since we are not working tomorrow. I am short Monday at both jobs because of the holiday and not getting to work. I was short my night job last week because of the thing at the kids school. That is $78 from being a whole weeks pay from my day job. If this storm messes things up to bad I may not get to work Tuesday and then I will be over a weeks pay I have lost.

To think I was excited the first of the month because I was going to have 9 paydays this month instead of the normal 8. That is gone now add the dog to the vet and whatever money this storm cost me. I can’t win. The last big one cost me over $1500 between missing work and money spent.

Keep it to Yourself

Today Pop’s came in at my day job and did somethings I needed done. He took a break and came in and talked for a bit.

He asked if I had turned in my job application yet?

I told him no I was thinking about waiting until at least the first of the year before I turned it in.

He told me to keep that to myself.

I said what?

He said don’t tell the guys you aren’t or you may not.

I told him I wasn’t sure, that I was pretty set on waiting and I was. But then Little Bitty said something this morning and now I and second guessing myself again.

He said well I said something to the guys about you applying.

I thought oh great this isn’t good.

He said they are working on something for you. He said just wait don’t do anything and see what they offer you.

I thought it was a little odd when he was in there working I went and was talking to him. He askes me if the guys were out? I told him one was.

He asked if his son was or had been in? I said no he wasn’t and I hadn’t seen him much lately. He said oh not even Friday?

I said I seen him Friday for a minute he had a busy day he ran in paid me and went out for the day. He seemed surprised or like he was waiting on me to tell him some thing I felt like. But didn’t know what. I think maybe that was it he thought they would of made an offer then. Or told me what they were thinking.

I was thinking I would wait because of the holidays and things. You know how it is the new guy gets the crap days holiday and all that. I don’t want to be working the holidays right now. I want to school I am not sure I can work that job and my night job and do that.

But then Little Bitty said this morning. I wish you were here to pick us up at school and see us after school. That just killed me. I miss them so much and wish I could be there more. But I really can’t do it without the extra money two jobs gives me.

Now I am thinking about going ahead and applying and seeing what happen again. I am also worried about having to work six or seven days a week again since this other place is 7 days a week. Ugh mom life and figuring out that balance and just the right thing to do.

How Much Are You Going To Pay Me

So today I was messaging with BFF and sje asked if I had my truck fixed. I told her no. She said……. Sleeping Beauty said he can fix it but when u get money he wants paid for it and how much u going to pay him?

I never even replied. I should tell her I will pay him $200 then when it is brought up later tell him I will give it to him as soon as he gives me the $200 he owes me.

Or message her back amd tell her tell him $200 and we will call it even for what he owes me.

The nerve he has he makes the same as me at one job and a $1 less than me when he does the other. Pays no one nothing and has nothing to show for it, lives for free and knows he owes me money and the jam I am in right now and say that. I am sure he will say something about it to me I am going to tell him just that, what about the money you owe me? I don’t live for free or off people and take advantage of people.

If I had all the money that Father of the year owes me, Sleeping Beauty and others owe me I be fine not have to worry about anything for a while. Then they all walk around like they do why I struggle. Want talk about what you going to pay me? I like to pay them something alright the two of them for sure.

My boss at the knife place said he was trying to get a friend to come take care of my truck this weekend. I sure hope they do. I have not heard from them at all today and now it is storming. He said today then this weekend. I am so stressed because if I don’t get it done by tomorrow I am sunk. I don’t know who to ask. I could just cry right now.