Seems as good of a place as any to start at this point. At work we had two drivers mothers pass away with in 24 or less of each other. They were both on the road at the time. They had to jump of the truck and fly home. We had to shuffle drivers out to meet their trucks so they could jump on them and keep going. Then we had to figure out how to fill their spots why they were gone. All on top of trying to figure out how to fill two or three other drivers spots because they left or came off the road for different reasons and are no longer going to be driving. They were at the end of their notices when this happen. The boss has been sick and missing a lot of work. The owner I have hardly seen this month.

The one driver who lost his mother, I don’t know him. I know of his name when they said it but I can’t even put a face with the name because I don’t see them enough. I know names with voices more than faces with this job since it is a lot of phone work. I am glad for caller id so that I can put a name with who is calling when I don’t know who it is. I am not sure what happen to his mom if she was sick or this was unexpected something happen. They just said she passed he was on a plane home and so and so was on their way to meet his truck and jump on it since he had to jump off.

The other guy that lost his mom was the one that comes in and talks to me that wants to take me and the other guy out for drinks. He tried to get me to go out to get something to eat or drinks with him all the time. I don’t know what happen with his mom either. I know she had been sick or had something going on since I started there back in March. That is when I first met him he was in talking to the guy I work with about his time off and being there for her surgery and things. I don’t know if it was something to do with what she was getting treated then of something else. I didn’t really ask, he hasn’t said anything about it really. When it first happen he called to let me know that he was going to New York and what routes he was going to miss and when he was going to be back. He said something about he guess I knew what happen or what then. I told him yes I had heard and sorry things but that is all we have talked about it.

Then there is the third one and this will be the big one that you all will know the most about because I have talked about this person here some. I think probably the just of her here in this post 80 Years. She is the one that my friend was taking care of the baby for this time last year. She had his first birthday for him, first Christmas, first steps everything with him. Mom was someone I knew from massage therapy school but wasn’t really friends with. We had met a few years later our kids were in school together. I tried to help her let her come over hang out and things but she was still using and started hanging out with a bunch of guys and things again. She was bringing them around and dragging her kids around with all these guys she just met and things. I stopped having anything to do with her. Shortly after that she lost custody of both her kids. She had two more I think it was and gave them up for adoption. She got pregnant again and decided to keep this one. Hints how my friend ended up with the baby when her and dad went to jail. As you can see dad isn’t getting out anytime soon. Mom got out right before Christmas and got him back. My friend had him off and on a few times over the next couple months.

Then her and her husband split and started the divorce process and she had a lot going on. Then the mom kept calling and messaging her telling her she needed a break and she hadn’t gotten to sleep in days or the baby was sick and she needed a break and the baby needed this or that. She told her she needed to be a mom and do what she needed to do to take care of him. She wasn’t going to have him all the time and her snatch him back and forth when she felt like it or just for show to make it look like she was being mommy. They had this conversation before her and her husband split because he wanted her to get him back and just keep him. What ever one was saying she was just using her and playing mommy when she felt like it. She finally seen and backed off then when everything happen with her husband after they split she stop having anything to do with her.

I guess it was two Sunday’s ago she called me before 9 a.m. Let me say I had not really talked to her at all in months now. Maybe a minute here and there she had let Sleeping Beauty come back and live with her. She had called and told me about that a few weeks before. I agreed with her family and told her she was wrong. Between that and him being there and her not being allowed to talk to me when he is there I haven’t heard from her. I had tried to call her since then and she don’t answer. She sends it to voicemail. I leave her messages and send her messages and she don’t reply. I guess it was a week and half a go on Sunday she called me I didn’t answer it. She called a second time right in a row and then sent a text. The text said she was going into her class at 9 wouldn’t be out until 3 but she had to tell me something important. I figured it had to do with Father of the Year. I figured I should call her back and see what it was so I didn’t have to wait all day wondering. I called her back and she answered. She said she could only talk a minute but that she had to tell me something and I couldn’t say anything to anyone at all or on line because only one other person knew.

Then she told me that the babies mom had died that morning. She said another friend of ours had just called and told her. She said the mother went into her room and she was on her hands and knees by the bed and she said something to her. She didn’t reply she walked over said something again and she didn’t move or say anything. She moved her rolled her over she just fell over I guess, said she wasn’t cold all over but parts of her were and her lips and things were blue. Said she called 911 and started cpr. I don’t know who was there with her or helping her. They said the baby wasn’t there her oldest son was but they said he didn’t see her. There are so many people in and out of the house it could of been her guy of the day or her brother or one of her moms friends who knows. I’m glad the kids didn’t see her. The baby was with her man of the week parents house and I talk to Bff Monday and she said they still have him. I can’t believe they have not gotten this baby back I am sure they probably hardly know this guy or his parents but that is how they are. They don’t care.

They said that the EMT got there, walked in checked her pause said she was gone and walked out. Called for someone to come and pick her up. No CPR, odd drug intervention or anything else. Bff and our other friend were surprised. But like I told them she was already blue, CPR wasn’t doing anything and she wasn’t responding in any way they wouldn’t use it.

I was surprised but not surprised when she told me she had died, Bff is all upset and freaked out about it and feels bad she hadn’t talk to her and things in a while or help her. She didn’t “council” her and things. I said look it is not your fault if you had been talking to her or not this would of still happen because she chose the drugs over everything else. She went to jail you took her child in gave him a home made sure he was safe and okay. She was clean and with in days of being out was back on stuff. The night she brought her out with us she was on something. Her aunt said something to me about it. I said I thought the something but I was going nice.

It is sad to say that I had been seeing the babies mom’s post on line the last few weeks and days before she passed and was thinking about what kind of life that poor baby was going to have and how he was going to grow up. I was thinking about what he was going to grow up to be like or how he was going to be. How it wasn’t his fault and how he could be so much more and had such a future and how he is only two years old and that is pretty much shot to hell and back because of the situation he was born into. The people he is being taken around and the things that may or may not happen to him the things that he was going to see and be a part of and go through at such a young age. How it would just be worse as he got older. It was sad she kept him and didn’t give him up like the other two. Then in a few days she calls and tells me she is dead.

I feel bad for her older son as well because she didn’t have custody of him hasn’t for years. Her family took him and the little girl. They kept the girl and gave the boy back. He has been passed around and ended up with her mom and she has been staying there too. But her mom don’t want him she has made it known. Here he is everyone wants the little girl and keeps her, no one in the family wants the baby boy my friend had because he is mixed but there are families that still want him. Then there is him the oldest that now such as mom was she was there and he was starting to have a relationship with him. Now she is gone where does that leave him and who is going to take care of him? My friend is talking about taking the baby and her mom and the dads mom has asked her to and told her they would let her adopt him fully. She is debating on it.

I told her the other night to just do it if they are going to give her fully adoption then I would do it but if they weren’t then I wouldn’t. It isn’t like he is going to cost her all that much more. Bills aren’t going to go up, she has to have the same house and things regardless if he is there or not. The dads family will help her with clothes and things if she needs it. Even if they don’t like I told her he will be okay just like everything else we would figure it out. He didn’t ask to be here they are all a big part of his life what is going to happen to him if she don’t get him. I don’t know what she has decided. I haven’t talk to her about it again since. We were messaging and I was at work. I had to get back in and get things done. I was going to go to breakfast with her this morning but we both had awards at the school for the kids this morning.

I can’t say I was surprised about her passing and I told Bff that it was just a matter of when with her as bad as she was and the people she had started hanging around with the last month or so. She could get things a lot easier than before that and more of it. I don’t know that I thought something would happen so soon. I figured it be a while once she really messed this kid and his life up and he was into trouble and things. Another few years. When she told me it was like she told me oh it’s going to rain in an hour or two. I didn’t feel anything either what way about it.

I am going to try to get with her tonight or in the morning and talk hang out.


So that is the bad that has happen the last few weeks since I have written. Few other things may of happen but nothing major that I can think of. If I do I will add it on another post. But I think that is all the bad for now.

{January 17, 2017}   She Liked It

I was logging off to go to bed and thought of something I was going to post about earlier and didn’t. I had not told my family or anyone but a few friends that I cut my hair all off. Father of the year came over the other night to drop off money and seen it. That was it, I hadn’t heard from anyone else I don’t know if he said anything to anyone else or not. I figured if he did I would have heard something from my mom or my sister.

Today I got a phone call it was him wanting me to come outside for a minute. I went to see what he wanted and why he was here. It was him and my mom she brought $20 over and gave me. I don’t know why I told her I had all that I needed here and that I had a little bit of money left. I don’t want to borrow anymore from anyone unless I have to for something. But she did, I figured oh well that is fine but come Friday she can look at him for it back because I don’t have it to give her back and I am not taking it out of whatever he decides to give me. I have a water bill this week that has to be paid, rent that will be due soon and gas to buy.

When I walked out and over to the truck the first thing my mom said was turn around let her see my hair. So I turned around and showed her the side and back of it. She said oh I like it, it looks really good. I was shocked because she never has anything good to say about anything. She always finds something negative to say about everything or why she wouldn’t have done this or that. When I have talked about cutting it short in the past she always says it is going to make you look fatter. It will make your face look fatter. I could tell by the way she said turn around and let her see the back Father of the Year must have told her that I cut it all off. I can only imagine that conversation. I was surprised he said he liked it when he was here but that was all he said and ask when I did it or something. I just said Tuesday I was bored and wanted something different. He said oh.

I still think that him or my sister has said something to her about what I said Christmas about not putting up with no crap and telling her like it is or leaving or they have said something to her about me saying all she ever has to say is something negative about everything. Because she has been to nice lately or just not saying anything at all. Seems very odd to me and I know it isn’t going to last. I just find it interesting.

Oh and I know it isn’t going to last and she is trying because the other day, she said she lost her school ID. I told her to go get a new one so she could use her book voucher and get in to take her test. She said something about the cost and not having it because it and her bankcard and some others are missing. I said it didn’t cost anything and that if it did they would put it on her account and take it out of her aid money she is getting. She said no they wouldn’t or something like that and how much it was. I said well when I changed my name and got a new one they never asked for any money or even said it would go on my account. They just gave me a new one.

She started yeah I don’t know why you did that anyway that was stupid and thats not my kids last names and something else she started to say. I said yes it’s Little Bitty’s last name. She started about that I just shut it down and got off the phone. It don’t last long and it kills her when she is being nice I know and you can just tell by the way she says things and acts.

{July 17, 2016}   No Privacy

I am so pissed right now maybe I shouldn’t be but I am. Father of the Year was here earlier and my mom calls. She just wanted to let him know he got something from the job he didn’t go back to, said she opened it figured it was a “handbook” or something. Then she says and another paper you probably got the last few days too. I am thinking what is she talking about. I was like what? She said one I’m sure you got a copy of in the last few days. She isn’t wanting someone to hear her. I guess my grandma sitting there but it don’t bother me if she knows I’m going to finish it. It is no secret that we are getting a divorce it never has been. I opened it when I seen where it was from she said figured he need to know.

If she knows that I got a copy too and he has been over here almost every day then she knows we have talked bout it. He will be there to get it so he can open it himself. Then she says so what did you all decide or put in it? I knew what she was getting at I just said wasn’t much to put in it really. She says yes there is. I said just your basic stuff, we don’t have property and things. I said he gets the kids the weekends. She kept saying what else and stuff. I said that’s it really. We ended up hanging up and she text me what about leaving the state, custody, child support?

I just text her back said that I couldn’t do out of state until I got ready to go, we have to go back for it he has them the weekends like he wants and that we worked it out. He wasn’t home but I am sure she will grill him when he gets there about it all and when it is over she will open the papers they send and read all through them because she is so fucking noise. I told him I would go get a PO box and have all my mail sent to it from now on that is crazy.

Honestly I don’t care if she opens and reads all his mail that comes there. But I do care when it is my business too and she is opening and reading it and getting in the middle of it. The way she is about her “business” and everyone telling hers. But then she is going to go and open his mail. That is messed up. She jumped all over my sister for posting online and asking people to pray for my grandpa when he was having heart surgery. She posted her “business” if someone ask how she is or where she is staying you say oh over here or there she gets all pissed because your telling her “business”. But it is ok for her to post all about my dad when he was so sick how he found out he was sick and how bad it was, how fast he got worse and how bad it was then and to keep me and my brother in their thoughts or what as we went through this and handled it and how we were handling it. Or how she thought we were because I hardly talked to or seen her. She didn’t mind posting all of our business everywhere and telling anyone and everyone who would listen but don’t tell hers and now she can open other peoples mail and read all their business and then have the nerve to call them up and want to know all about it and what she couldn’t find out and expect you to tell her.

I was so pissed and floored when she said she opened it and started questioning it I didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want me to sign anything saying I could leave the state with the kids. She told him a while back that if he did I would leave and she probably never see them again or not for a long time. She text me back what about child support in a little bit. I just said what about it why does it matter? She text because he has to have money to pay bills his bills blah blah, bullshit. I said one of his checks would pay half his bills there and if he had to pay them all two of them would pay them all and he still have two more. No they won’t and he normally only works for minimum wage bullshit bullshit and more bullshit. He don’t when he ran tow truck he made most times at least what he is making here sometimes more, once in a while less but not often was it less. The job he just worked a few weeks is first job he make at that now he back at this place. She saying it’s only temp through December then he back to making nothing. She has no clue what she talking about. They told him with this company these two projects will last through at least December, then they move them to another company or project if this company don’t need them for a project. But this company is big so I am sure they will have other projects but if not they will move him. Other guy said he been working with this company 2 years and they keep him working all the time with different companies and don’t have gaps in work. Like I said before he can make the money, it isn’t always easy to find but he can if he looks.

Last thing she said was you can’t go have them change it based on this new job it’s only temp and he don’t make that again. I just didn’t say anything. I said yeah to something she said before that but it didn’t go until after she said that so she thinks I answer that. So she thins that he should make over $3000 the next 5 or 6 months and just pay his kids as if he is only making about $1200 and she see’s nothing wrong with that. Her own grand-kids and oh well don’t give them anymore? It don’t matter you are making that much a month, just pay as little as you can get away with paying. She knows he does not buy them anything he pays what he has to and that’s it. Last time what he paid didn’t even pay daycare for the month for the youngest. I still had all their clothes, shoes, uniforms, school trips bills food and everything to buy for and he didn’t even buy them Christmas or birthday gifts. Said oh your not putting my name on what YOU GOT!!!!

It be one thing if it was $100 more a week or something even. But we are talking about, well over double. Even though they won’t count it toward his support and they will only base it on 40 at his base pay, he is still making all that money in over time as well. He just told me today that the next two weeks they are talking about doing 7 days a week not 6 and working all 10 hour days not 10 and 8s. His over time check will be more than his base pay for the week if they do that. When they go to this next job they may even get another raise because it will be a government job not a normal work site and they have different pay rating and they want it done by New years so they will probably be working over time on it as well.

I just don’t understand how someone can be that way and when it comes to their own blood vs friend or married in. So fucked up. Everyone says is it your mom or his? What why is she that way? Because she more worried bout her self than anyone else and like him if he don’t help then my time will run out I won’t be able to keep doing it on my own and I will have to come live with her. Like she has begged me to since I left two and half years ago. She was saying the other day when I had pluming problems I said if pipe broke under house they may say I have to move they not fixing it or can’t right now I have to move. She said oh they probably won’t they be stupid to and let it sit over that. Then she stopped said they might oh well just pack your stuff and come over here. I don’t know why you don’t anyway. I said I don’t want to live there everyone on top of everyone no room can’t have our stuff and everything. I like my house and want to stay here. If it broke I guess I tell them I can stay with a friend why they fix it if they can do it quickly in a week or two. She said something about coming there and just for a short time. I said don’t worry I’m not I have places to go. She started I said got to go take care of kids they fighting and hung up.

She just started again about they are going to make you do split custody with no child support. They make everyone now, they did so and so, they making everyone do it that way so they don’t have to deal with child support cases. I said no they did so and so that way because they could not agree on anything. She don’t know I talk to this persons mother and she told me all about it, the night that me and her sat in the hospital all night waiting on my sister to have her baby while my mom went home until it was time to push the next day sometime. I didn’t ask her she just told me. He don’t want them all the time or every other week. He has said it many many time over the years he can’t handle them everyone else has said it and knows it. She has said it and knows it. Like now what he going to do take them pay her to watch them or someone else because she can’t get them to and from school while I am right here and can be doing it until I go back to work? Or am I supposed to do all that when it is his time to have them and he is supposed to be so he don’t have to pay a sitter. Then he drops them here picks them up after dinner time takes them home baths them puts them to bed gets them up bring them here. He isn’t going to do it, he find excuse after excuse to not come get them after work to just leave them. I be doing it all and he be doing nothing to help with them.

As for moving he done said he isn’t going to file papers to say I can’t leave or make me come back because the kids need to get out of here. If we move the odds are he will be driving our stuff up there I will have paperwork stating where we are moving to all the info and him agreeing to it if I don’t go to court and have it notarized. How is it going to look on him if he comes home and goes to court and files to try and make me come back here. The judge is going to say you knew she was going you drove their stuff there and dropped them off and signed papers saying where she is that she can go and all this then come home and try to file? Either way if I file or I don’t my mom will be in his ear talking shit, and when I say when because I know it will, why I am trying to get school done by next December and then file so I can move next April. But like I said she will have her say in it to him and try to tell him not to let me go. If she does she won’t see them again and I will not answer my phone to her or help her again ever.


{June 29, 2015}   No Respect

I’m beyond hurt and angry right now. I am going to post this all just as I write it to someone else earlier. I still feel upset hurt and in disbelief. But I really guess I shouldn’t considering the past. I guess it makes it harder that she is really all I have left since my dad past a way. I feel as if I really don’t have any family any more. I thought she had changed some and things would be different this time but I guess not. When she was told no and she couldn’t do what she wanted or as she please with my kids and take over it was to much for her. I really do just wish I had the money to pack up leave and not look back because I wouldn’t not one bit. I feel as if it is jut me and my kids that’s it. Father of the years side of the family has nothing to do with them, they see them maybe twice a year they do for one and not the rest. My mom this is the kind of shit she dose. I think tonight is the worse she has been or said at one time to me. I don’t know if things can ever be the same or even on speaking seeing terms for holidays or anything. I really don’t know what I am supposed to say to something like that. There really isn’t nothing you can because nothing is going to make someone like that think any different or see things any different. It’s all about them.

Feeling so upset hurt. I got in a huge fight with my mom a little bit ago. She said I can’t home school my kids I don’t have the education I need to do it. How I can’t spell and all kinds of really hurtful things. I graduated high school, have been a licensed massaged therapist passed the class with an A or B over all. I have taken a class to do income tax for the big tax company here and passed it with a A over all. I have taken classes to be a bail bondsman and had my license and to be a duola. I just started this summer with two classes at our local collage to get my AA so that I can go on to get my masters. I am taking Comp 1 all writing and personal finance. I am 4 points from an A in my comp class, only reason I don’t have an A is because I didn’t do one reply on a board. I didn’t pass the college placement for math but did for the writing. But I haven’t been in “school” in 15 years and didn’t do a lot of the algebra and things back then. I did struggle with spelling for a long time but have really worked on it and I may not be 100% spot on with every word out there but for the most part I do fine. If I didn’t I couldn’t be getting an A in my comp class. It’s all writing and they take off for spelling and everything. All I get told on my work is great job. I am single mom trying to go back to work and then she is telling me well your not going to have time to do it around work your own schooling, keeping up the house and things. I told her I could do it on my days off and in the evening. They are 9 and 11 they could do what they can on their own and I could work with them on days off after work before work with things they don’t understand and to make sure they are doing it and things. She tells me if I can give it to them and they can work with it on their own then they aren’t learning anything and they already know it. That they aren’t going to get an education and no college is going to take them that they are never going to pass the test to get in. How they have no friends and don’t go anywhere. They didn’t have friends in school they were always upset with being bullied my dd to the point of not eating hiding food and losing weight over it at one time. With my ex moving out money has been tight lately and we haven’t done a lot of filed trips or outings. We do have a home school group that we are a part of and try to do things with when I can and they have a park day that we go to when they want to go. She say’s they tell her they want to go back to school and they are just afraid to tell me. We talk about it all the time and they don’t want to go back. They just go along with her when they are there and she is saying this that and the other and I am not around because that’s just how she is if you don’t agree then its’ why your wrong and all this. My dd begged to go to camp for months then few days before time to go she is with my mom and on the phone telling me she don’t want to go and all upset. My mom says because she seen all these kids and people who drawn because they didn’t know how to swim and she can’t swim and they are going in paddle boats with life jackets and swimming in the pool so she probably will drawn too. They have to take a swim test before they can go in the pool and it is on her paperwork that she can’t swim. I was horrible for sending them to camp at all to start with because they wouldn’t be at home where I knew what was going on every minute and someone could do something to them if they didn’t drawn. She would never send her kids off like that or never let them do that. She wouldn’t we were not allowed to do girl scouts, camp with church sleep overs play dates nothing. We were either with her or my grandma at all times or my dad 24/7 if we were not at school. So since I don’t do things the way she says then its all wrong. I am just so frustrated we got in huge argument over the phone she called me to finish telling me all this stuff at after saying most of it to me at her house in front of my kids. talking about how I am going to go to jail if I don’t keep every paper they ever do and if they don’t do every lesson in every chapter then yeah my kids probably do want to go back to school if they are afraid I’m going to go to jail. Who wouldn’t to keep their mom out of trouble. I just feel so bad and so angry I’ve just sat and cried that is my mom of all people.

I just feel like I have done all this with no help or support from her and then she sits and basically calls me stupid when she has no clue. Then wonders why my brother has nothing to do with her and me and my sister have very little to do with her. She been better lately and I thought she was starting to realise but I guess it was all just because she needed help and because she thought she was going to dictate how things were going to be and she could take over and do it all, since I am so stupid in her opinion. If it was anyone else I would have nothing to do with them and cut them off a long time ago. I had been having very little to do with her for a while talk here and there on the phone stop in once in a while. Then with my dad passing so unexpected and things and all the should of wish I’s I and we had a really close relationship I felt I should try again to be closer and to at least try and talk to her go see her more or what. But then this. I don’t understand how any one can treat someone like she treats people and see nothing wrong with it or as it is them who is wrong or has a problem. My dad may not agreed with some of the things I did but he never talk to me that way or treated me that way or make me feel bad. If it came up he say well just be careful or make sure your doing what you need to or I don’t know if I would do that but it sounds like you have thought about it planed it out and know what your getting into if you can handle it. not blow up and freak out because you didn’t do it just how he thought you should and because you thought different than him. If it worked great if not then ok you tried now figure out what to do. He was that way about everything and would help any way he could even if it wasn’t something he would do or how he would do it.

My oldest was home with us for a few days after the camp thing and did end up going to camp. I didn’t make her I told her if she really didn’t want to go then not to go but not to let all that grandma was saying scare her, that just because grandma wouldn’t xy and z didn’t mean that it was wrong to do. I told her even if she didn’t want to go to pack her stuff and bring it because camp was two hours away from home. That way if she got there and decided at last minute she did want to go she would have her stuff. She said no she wanted to go she wanted to try it at least once. She went wrote me a letter and said she was glad she listen to me and went because she was having fun. even with a minor issue she still wants to go back next year. she came home started telling grandma about zip lining and going up the pole and walking across the rope she told her she shouldn’t have done that and about some guy died a few months back doing something like that. I said yeah and some people get in a car accident and die going up the road to the store or see grandma. And there are way more car accidents than ropes course accidents or zip line accents. Things happen if your doing everything to be safe not doing something foolish or that you are not supposed to be you should be fine. But accidents happen we can’t live in fear of what if and never do anything. You just have to know that you are right with god and know that if something was to happen where you are going. I am a true believer that if it is your time to go you are going to go no matter where you are or what you are doing and if it isn’t your time your not going to. People of lived through some amazing things. Some have died doing some really simple ones you would never thin they would die doing. Its life I don’t want to see anything happen to my kids but I am not going to keep them in a bubble or teach them to live in fear and never try new things because of the what if’s. I lived my life that way growing up because even if I wanted to do something I was never allowed because of what if. I never force my kids to try something but I don’t stop them I tell them the good, bad worst case or whatever and the odds of that happening or what. They decide for their self.

{May 11, 2015}   Happy Mothers Day

Little late but better late than never right. I was so sleepy yesterday after working all those hours two days straight. Plus the first night I got off I stopped to drop something off to the kids and ended up there until after midnight. My little bitty wasn’t feeling good and couldn’t sleep and didn’t want me to leave her. She is getting more teeth and having a really hard time. Then Saturday night I picked them up and brought them home. She had another ruff night. She slept in my bed. She had to sleep with her head at the foot diagnally so I slept funny. She was up and down all night dreaming and upset. We got up and went to church. After church father of the year came over to drop something off. Me and little one was laying on my bed she was tired too. She got up when he got here. I passed out. He was seeing the kids they had lunch. I ended up sleeping most the day. They woke me up said they were going to get something to make for dinner.

He helped the kids make dinner we had dinner. Really I think it been better off if he just left them to do it. I went out there after he left and the kitchen is trashed. He didn’t say happy mothers day I’m leaving you a trashed kitchen. I know he just done it because there is stuff that I don’t even know why it was used or what for. Looks ike he used everything in the kitchen. I said something before he left about oh say your helping the kids make mothers day dinner but then leave me the mess to clean up and he just kind of smirked and walked off. I didn’t expect what I seen when I went in there at all. I really don’t think if my kids had made it their self there would be that much mess. Stupid me thought he was being nice. I should have though of it earlier and said something or just told him to go home I had it. But I was so tired and feel like I’m getting sick on top of it. Now I have more work than if i had cooked it and cleaned it up. My big girl who is supposed to clean up dishes skipped out and went home with him. I figured they had cleaned up as they went there might be a few plates or something. Not a trashed kitchen with nothing clean. I have no one to blame but myself. I should have been up and done it myself. I still don’t feel good. I ate some dinner but not a lot. I felt like I had already eaten a couple plates full when I sat down there to eat. My stomach has been upset the last few days too and really bothering today. I will have to do it tomorrow. I couldn’t stand in there tonight and do it. I washed everything out good and stacked it up in the sinks.

Happy Mothers day to me.

et cetera
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