Yesterday I got to work a half hour early because I was making up hours I was going to miss today. As I was pulling into the parking space my phone started ringing it popped up as work. I thought it was very odd because no one ever uses the work phones to call each other. We always use our cells. I wasn’t due in for another half hour. No one knew I was coming early. I thought oh boy here we go something has happened and now I am going to lose this job. I started not to answer just go in but I wanted to know what to expect before walking in the door and being hit with something. I wanted to be prepared how to handle whatever it was.

I answered it was our HR lady. She said she was asked to call everyone she wanted to call me first she knows I would be in soon and have kids. She said we have our first covid case and it is here in the office with us. She said he hasn’t been to work since Friday and he isn’t sick. He had a sore throat that is it. We thought from dental work but, he tested positive. I told her I was in the parking lot I was coming in. She said they were cleaning the office and from what they were being told felt it was safe. I said yes I did too. She said we just don’t know about others in the office if they have it. Anyone of us could have it. I said but we have all already been exposed.

I went and clocked in and everyone was in a buzz. Trying to clean and find testing places, try to find out prices, times, if you had to make an appointment or walk in/drive up or what. I found a walk in that did the test for free. I decided to go there they decided to go to the one at the local school in the next town over. I didn’t want to drive up sit in my car for who knows how long and I wanted to talk to a medical person. The people they have doing the swabs in the drive up ones are who ever they hire off the street to do it. They pay them $35 an hour pay their room and food. So they can not answer anymore questions than what we already know really or what they are told to tell us.

I told them when I got there what I was there for and that I had direct contact with someone who tested positive. I figured they would want to put me right back into a room or have me wait outside or something. Nope had me fill out paperwork left me sitting in the waiting room. As if it was no big deal. Why when I went to get my eye’s checked you have to wait in your car and they don’t let more than a few people in at once.

They finally took me back the nurse or tech did the nose swab and said the PA would come check me and answer questions. She looked at in my eyes throat and listen to my lungs and heart.

I asked her about all this and how blown up and scare tactics it really was?

She looked at me. I said I know it is real I am not disputing that. I said but I don’t think it is as bad as they are making it out to be. I said they tell you only how many people tested positive not how many had no symptoms, how many are recovering how many aren’t getting deathly ill. They just tell you this many died, these hospitals have full ICU bed. I said they don’t tell you why the icu beds are full. How many are covid how many are other reasons? I said years ago my dad was in icu a week beds were full. Covid wasn’t around they all had different things wrong.

She said you are right everything you are saying. She said she works at a local hospital they have 5 icu units most people don’t know that. That when they say all beds are full that could be one unit or is most times. That if they have 6 trauma people come in one is full. I said I feel they are not saying most people who are getting deathly ill or passing are people with underlying issues. She said yes true. She said not that I haven’t treated 30 or 40 year olds who were other wise healthy that got very ill or who passed. I said I am sure you have but that is like anything a healthy 20 something could get the flu and pass or a infection of some kind that most get over and pass. That is just how it is a fluke thing. She said yes. She finally said I really hate to say it from a medical stand point and field but they have put a lot of fear or scare out there to get people to comply.

I left and went back to work. Only a few showed back up after their test. I got there about 12 by 4 they were telling us to go home. Not to come back until we have negative test results. So we all left.

Of course when I told them at home that I have been exposed the Bitch freaked out. I can’t come home blah blah bullshit. I said fine I will go stay with Bff then. She is tested every so often anyway because she works at the assisted living. They have had it at the nursing home across the street and workers going back and forth. So she has been too. I came and stayed at JW house for the night. I told her it take 3 to 7 days for results.

This morning while I was in the middle of writing this they sent a group text saying X places have the rapid test for $150. Insurance don’t pay for it. The HR lady ask me in a private text if I was going we had been talking. I told her I lost a job in March been down to one job since. I could not put out $150 for it. The days we are missing we can make up once we go back so i am not missing money there. She said she understood. They really don’t want us working 2 jobs right now because of it either. We are exposing our self more and in turn risk exposing them as well.

In bit the owner sent a message in the group chat saying he would reimburse anyone who went and got the rapid test and that they had people coming in cleaning the office and no one is to come back until they have a negative test. I messaged her private again ask her if he was and what clinics they found that had the test? The ones by me said they no longer had them and was not getting more and their other clinics didn’t and wouldn’t either because they cost so much and insurance wasn’t paying. She gave me the numbers and I called the one that was closer to me to make sure. They said yes. I went straight there and got it. It came back negative but there is still 20% + chance it could be wrong.

I left there and went by JW job work called like yesterday morning. I answered it was the HR lady. She said her and the other hr kind of guy would be there about 25 more minutes or in in the morning. She said owner said we could get tested and be paid back as soon as we got in office in am or they could give us a tch and we could cash it and go get the test if we could not pay upfront and wait. I said I seen his message and went ready I just got back. She said what did it say? I said negative of course. She said good good see you in the morning then? I said yes. She said take a snip of the transaction on your account print it we will get your money in the morning. I know you are worried about taking care of them babies. I said they gave me a payment amount on my paper. She said oh great they didn’t mine.

So I get to go back tomorrow and Saturday. I did not tell them at home yet I’m not tonight. I may tomorrow. I don’t know yet. I get home go to my room and sit for the night she has them so scared to be around me they don’t come in there like they use to. It isn’t healthy why i want to get her out or us moved. The way she is is not good for them to be around. But with me working she is there more than me they listen to what she says when I’m not there. If I decide to go home I will tell them tomorrow we got rapid tested. If not i will wait until Monday tell her I got my other results or we went for the fast test. I figure she is going to want to wait until the other test since there is chance for the fast test to be wrong. Not that the other can’t either but who knows. My luck my other will come back say yes this one says no. I am interested to see if that happens with anyone since most of us have had both test now or a group of us has. To see what happens then.

{August 13, 2018}   Clensing Purge, Is Needed

Everything is a mess, from things that need done around the house to, schools, doctors, dentist, insurance to see them and now social security.

I feel like I need a free month to do nothing but take care of everything. I feel a huge purge coming. I am just waiting to get my mother out of here before I can do anything.

I was for the most part good about keeping up with the most do things like kids signed up for school, insurance and things taken care of and social security. I have just dropped the ball on it all. It bothers me but it don’t. I know I need go take Little Bitty to the doctor right now and get back to get her in school before 330. But I have no modivation to go do it. I am still laying here on my bed needing a shower. It is after 11!!! I feel so tired all I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep. I was up and down with one with a tooth hurting and then my back trying to lock up.

I don’t feel like doing anything even when I get sleep I know I have all this crap to do its just like oh well. I just deal with it later or whatever happens because I don’t deal with it.

I need her out of my house I can’t stand it anymore. I just want her gone. More and more everyday. She is doing nothing to help herself. She done nothing to be ready for court, made her lawyer mad she quite. She hasn’t gotten the first test or anything else and is set for court a month from today.

I just want to open the door toss all her stuff and her out it. I don’t want to look at her, talk to her or have anything to do with her at all from now on. I feel like my whole house has been infected with something since she came here it just gets worse. I feel this thickness in the air. Makes it so don’t want to even be in the house.

I want her out then I am going to go through the house and get rid of everything. Couches, beds, dressers, everything and anything and start new. I feel like my house needs clenessed of all the negative we have been living in and that most things need to go.

{April 19, 2018}   Want My House Back

I know what I am about to say is going to probably sound really bad to some, but for the ones who have been around and know how things are and have been they will understand.

I am so done with my mother right now, I want her out and my house back she only been back a few weeks. She had her hearing Tuesday and post ponded it. She did nothing to get ready for it or even try and get the test for it until a few days and the night before.

When I let her come here the agrement was I would let her stay until her hearing. I would help her until then so she could get her stuff she needed. Now she put it off and thinks she can just stay until whenever. When I say something I am going to be the bad guy.

She went and had her eyes checked last Friday and they said she is legagly blind but they can fix it with glasses I guess. Don’t make since but it never does when she tells you things because she adds amd omits what she wants. The doctor told her she has some autoemun disorder. We already knew that it was just getting someone to do it. They found something on her lung when they were doing x rays for something else. She had a lot of medical issues that she has not had taken care of or what but then wants to panic and worry about them and go on and on about things that has nothing to do with what she is there for at the time or has nothing to do with it so they all just look at her like she is crazy and just get her out the door so they do not have to deal with her. I do not blame them no one wants to deal with her home or anywhere. When they tell her to do this or that or take this for it she comes up with 1000 reasons why she can’t do it or take it. She likes doctor google to much.

I just want to tell her to get out of my house. She still making life misreable I can’t walk out of the house without being interagated, where I’m going, why, I should be doing. What time do I get off. Last week I went out for a couple hours after work and she had something to say about that. Kids were in bed before i got off and I was at applebee’s with friends. Mind you she is not babysitting or doing anything. My oldest still is because she don’t come out of her room but to try to bark orders where she has no place to and to use the bathroom. I come and go juat the same as I would if she wasn’t here. Well no that’s a lie I come and go less than when she isn’t here but no different that if she wasn’t. Not like I stopped just because she was here. I would of stop even if she wasn’t here.

I just want to tell her to get the fuck out, no one is happy with her here. We can’t do nothing without her in it or having something to say. Listen to her bitch about everything, the house, the truck, me how I am. I am just so over it all. When I say something I am going to be the bad guy. Making her leave when she has no where to go, she has all this wrong amd just foundout more is wrong. How I don’t care about her blah blah.

I do care to a point, but I can not stress over it all, I can’t sit around being upset about it or whatever when she does how she does about it all. I have 5 people to take care of. I refuse to take her on to take care of whatever is or is not wrong with her. Because she is never going to change and all it will be is her trying to dictate everything and complain. I am not going to do it.

I want us to be happy in our house, I want to have people over, and just live a normal life. With her here you can not do that she sits and complains and talks about all that is wrong with her, how things are here, how bad everything is, watches everything everyone talks about them and what is wrong with them how she can’t believe I would be frkemds with them or let them around my kids. You think they all have records and go to jail or in trouble every other day or some thing. It’s just because of something they said she don’t agree with or what they drive or the way they dress or something she thinks about them for whatever reason that she has made up in her head. I am not making this up. She been to I don’t know how many doctors and everyone points out her mental state or whatever they call it. Even when that isn’t what she is there for and it isn’t brought up. It is noted in her records. She is queen of has to be better than everyone, never anything nice to say. Me and my kids, friends, house, car or whatever she can think of get the brunt of it. For whatever reason. I guess because I am the only one around my brother and sister refuse to have anything to do with her let her stay or help her. I know she has the problem but she also refuses to get anything for it and try to get better. Its bad when everyone wishes their parent, partner or someone would stop drinking and I always wished mine would start again she was easier to get along with.

It’s about to all hit the roof here by the weekend I am sure. I don’t feel like having the fight. She say what she wants Ireally do not care what she says how she feels. It’s just that it is something else for me to deal with.

et cetera
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