{July 8, 2020}   I Come Prepared

Sunday I go over to JW’s after a fairly hard week and Saturday. I had been battling my depression something hard all week and spent most the time I wasn’t at work or home crying. I had broke down and cried when I was with him a few times.

Sunday I was feeling a little better I stopped over there. He asked what I was doing. I told him. He asked if he could go. We took off to get things done. We were riding around talking and some how babies and baby stuff and all that came up. I truly can’t remember how or why. But I said I had a crib in my closet. We were talking. He stopped and said what a crib? Why do you have a crib?

My youngest is 7 so. He was trying to figure it out. I was just driving along carrying on a normal conversation he ask this. I never looked at him missed a beat cracked a smile nothing. As i replied to him. I just said I come prepared. Omg the silence and the little bit of the look i could see on his face and in the reflect on the glass. 🤣 It was beyond priceless. I can’t even explain it. I said what? He couldn’t even look at me. He was so shocked and at a loss for words. I thought i was going to have to give him CPR. By this point I busted out laughing. I was laughing so hard, i was crying and my stomach was hurting. He was like uh ah um man that wasn’t even funny. I said maybe not but omg the look on your face was beyond funny. I wish I had that recorded. He started laughing too. He was like that was just not right, that was just wrong. We laughed some more. He was like I’m glad I can make you laugh at least.

But what was he thinking? He knows we talked about it more than once I do not want to have anymore. He don’t want to have anymore. His are grown, like 18, 20 and 22 i think. And he knows I went and got on the pill. He was so shook by what I said. But he is the one at the same time told me don’t worry about birth control or condoms. I can’t have anymore. When he has done nothing to prevent it from happening. He thinks because him and his ex didn’t get pregnant in all the years they were together it can’t happen. She had kids he has kids he just got lucky. Even if it couldn’t he don’t know if it was because of him or her. It isn’t like he went to see. It just didn’t happen so he assumes. There is no doubt in my mind if I had not gotten on something or used something we would probably already be pregnant right now. But then he freaks out about a comment or the thought of it.

I called my friend J who moved away today. I said you know how I always leave you speechless and in shock. She said yes only you all the time. I started laughing and told her that I had left JW shocked beyond what she could of ever been or thought. She said omg what did you do to him? What did you say?

I told her what happen and what was said. She was like omg no you didn’t, omg, omg I can’t imagine what he was thinking. I can’t believe you did said that. She said I can’t imagine if you said that to me and what my reaction would be. But this is the person your with, you love, your planning a future with and SLEEPING with. Do you know what he must of thought. Do you know what is going to be in the back of his mind every time you do something now. She ask if he had kids and how old they were he was. I told her. She was like omg no wonder he don’t want more and you went and said something like that. I laughed. I said no he is alright now. He knows I don’t want more it was a joke. She was like yeah but he going to always have that little thought in the back of his head do you really want one more.

She said why do you say stuff like that? How do you come up with stuff like that just in an instant like that? You got to stop saying stuff and doing stuff like that 🤣.

I was laughing when he came to the truck. He was looking at me like what now. I told him I told her what I had said to him. He laughed. But you know what, you have to be able to laugh and joke around together. I have to be with someone I can the way my depression is, I have to laugh and joke when I can. I’m not making fun of anyone or being mean or anything like that. Its just stupid stuff. It isn’t like we haven’t talked about it and know where we both stand or that we have different views on it. I’m not trying to push or trick him into having another kid. Like I said he knows I got on the pill, i make sure I stop whatever I am doing and take it and everything. I think the reality that it could happen even if we are careful hit. That even if we don’t want another it could happen hit. And for me to say that it was the last thing he expected he needed a second to process. He laughs and even today talked about it. We both know we don’t want more. It was just a joke to laugh lighten a miserable week.



{January 16, 2017}   Night Help after Baby

Is this a real thing? Getting someone to come in at night to help you with your baby after you go home from the hospital? I never heard of this or even thought of such a thing until I seen a lady in a group looking for night help to come help her sleep train her 6-week-old babies. I thought that was a little crazy as 6-week-old babies need to eat on demand and things. Others were saying the same that at that age they were to young to sleep train. Some were saying they tried it at 4 to 6 months and it didn’t work. But that is another post because I don’t understand that either. But then I seen other women saying they had someone come in to help with their baby at night and to take care of it at night.

I know a lot of times family will come over and help with things around the house and help the new mom out with other kids or what when she comes from the hospital. This way mom can take care of baby and herself and rest. But I thought it was mostly just that help with the household things and other kids. Not at night unless one of the parent’s mothers came to stay for a little bit with them. Not help with the new baby and take care of it at night so mom don’t have to get up. I am sure they help with the baby some but not full on taking care of the baby getting up all night with it and things. Help while mom takes a shower or something like that.

I think it just shocked me that people pay people to come in and take care of their babies at night when they are there and when they are so tiny. I understand people work and things but we are talking about when you are on maternity leave or moms that don’t work. When my babies were that little I didn’t want them away from me and anyone else taking care of them. I let others hold them or what but when they needed something I did it and made sure they had what they needed. I couldn’t imagine just leaving them for someone else to take care of at night. I am not about sharing that new baby time.

When my first two were born, my ex took his week vacation he had it and wasn’t going to use it for anything else. That was more for him to get to spend time with the baby and bond with it. I still was up all the time with it even if he got up with them. My oldest was a nightmare the first three weeks. She would sleep all day and be up every hour to hour and half at night. It was miserable but I did it and never thought to have someone come take care of her so I could just sleep. She was mine it was just what you do.

When I had my last we went home from the hospital and went back to life as normal the next day. Bus drop off, shopping and babysitting was added shortly after. Her dad was not there to help with anything. I did anything and everything that had to do with her day and night around the clock. No one gave her a bottle changed her diaper or watched her while I showered. Most the time we showered together so I could get a shower at all. I would shower her then lay her in her baby bath and shower. If I left her in her bed or swing she would get upset.

I just feel you are missing out on so much those first weeks and months if you hire someone to take care of them even just at night. These are the times that you are bonding and learning what they are like. Once they are older I am all for baby sitter and getting away for a little bit. But even then, not until they are 2 or 3 and then there are just a few people I would leave them with.

My friend’s daughter in law just has a baby in December and they are coming in June to go to something and leaving the baby with her for two weeks. I love my friend and trust her with my kids any day for any amount of time but I still would not leave my 6-month-old baby even for the night with her or anyone. kids that little it is not good to leave them more than a night If that I forget what they say at that age. I think they say they should not be away from the parent for more than a day and not overnight. My friend says oh she is my grand baby I had two kids and things. That isn’t the point the point is the developmental part of it with the baby and being with a parent or Stanger and how it affects them. It isn’t anything against my friend at all its just thinking about the baby and they don’t think about that kind of thing or know really. They haven’t studied it or get it. They just think if the baby is with someone they trust and know will take care of it it’s fine. I could see a night or two but two weeks is a long time.

et cetera
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