A New Position

I started this post weeks ago and never finished or posted it. I have worked on it a few times and up to all most 3000 words. Now that I have time to sit down on my lap top and really work on it I am going to start over and shrink it down some or at least clean it up a lot. Because a lot of it was written on the fly and when I was tired.

Right before or right when everything started to turn toward shutting down I was over at JW’s house after work on March 17th. I was kind of worried we may shut down because I had called around to the Salons and things that day and they all said they were closing or cutting hours or wasn’t sure what was going to happen because of this Covid19 mess. They would get back with us once everything settled down. I figured we would be open the next few weeks until after the first of March to see what was going to happen but wasn’t sure if things didn’t pick up by then or if they ordered a shut down what we would do.

I told JW I needed to talk to him about something he said okay. That night after I got there we were laying on the bed talking. He wanted to know what I needed to talk to him about. I told him that I didn’t know what was going to happen with all this going on. But that if I lost my job or jobs or got shut down and could not work and it caused me to lose my house I was not starting over here. I told him if I lost my job I didn’t know if I would be able to keep going with just the one or be able to find something that would work around what I was doing or what. But that if it came down to me losing my house because of it I was leaving. I would not stay here and start over for any reason. I told him I didn’t plan this and that I had decided to stay here and give us a chance since we got together. But that that would be three times in 8 years that me and my kids had ended up homeless and that I wasn’t starting over here again to end up that way again in a few years or so again.

I didn’t know what I expected him to say but wasn’t ready for what he said for sure. He said I’ll go with you. Where ever you want to go or you go. I want to go with you.

I asked him what he said because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. Like I said I didn’t know what to expect and don’t really know what I wanted him to say. I just wanted him to know before something happen so it wasn’t out of no where and unexpected if it happen. I even told him I figured we would be fine that wasn’t going to happen we would hold out the next few weeks and surely things would go back to normal. We might have a ruff patch but come out okay. I was an odd feeling when he said he was going to go with me. I don’t know how to explain it. I was happy but confused I don’t know why I felt the way I did but I did.

He said he understood and did not blame me at all if that happen and I moved. He said he didn’t want to lose me either. That he loved me and knew I needed to do what was best for the kids. He knew how high things are around here and how hard it is to just stay a float and how hard it would be for us to ever find anything around here if I did lose my place because of how much things have went up over the last 6 years since I got into the house I am in.

In a minute my phone went off, we both thought it was probably the kids wanting to know when I was going to be off and headed home or wanting me to pick something up on my way home. It was after 10 they know I get off between 10 and midnight. I looked and I guess the look on my face when I read it said a lot, because he said what? What is wrong? what happen?

I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t even say anything. I just turned the phone toward him so he could see it better and let him read it. He said oh no, I am so sorry honey. I said I had no idea I thought at least a few more weeks and really never expected this.

It was my one boss saying with no one needing us right now they were going to have to cut back for now. They were going to file for help and see how things went. That the best thing I could do right now was stay home take care of the kids and keep everyone safe. They would let me know as soon as things straightened out.

That was Tuesday night. Wednesday I went to my night job because we were still working there at that point. Shortly after I got there the owner came out sat down and talked to me. He was asking because he heard my kids were sick and things. I assured him everything was fine, they all had been to the doctor and tested positive for the flu and that they were not worried about it being anything else. That it had been a few weeks and everyone was over it. He said okay.

He went back in his office and then called me in there to talk to me. I was thinking great now he is going to tell me they are cutting back, shutting down or that he don’t need me for now they are worried about what the kids had or what. I got up and went in there.

I walked in and sat down. He started telling me that every year he gives a bounce that it wasn’t really based on anything other than how long you had been with the company. He said it is $200 a year for every year you are there. He said you have been here for a while now and close enough to a year you can get yours and for the full $200 for the first year.

I thanked him and told him I had hit my year that day actually. He said really and looked at the computer. He said how about that it is today. We talked some more.

I had found out he had two positions open slightly before this. But that is when I blew my car up. So I hadn’t talk to him about it because I wanted to make sure that I had a way to work and that I was going to be able to keep working down there. Some how that all came up. I think maybe I asked him and he said he had filled them.

He said he didn’t know I would be interested in more hours or what because he knew I had another job. I said yes but that I had been waiting to talk to him because of the issue with my car but that I had a vehicle now that I was not worried about that anymore.

He said if there is a position or something that you want or need come talk to me. He said I am sure that we can work something out. He said I wish I hadn’t just hired those two new people. He said we could of worked it out. I told him the news I got from my day job the night before that if he had hours to fill in the meantime I would do them. That I could be there days or nights or both. He said oh your not working your day job right now? He said the one new girl isn’t starting for a few weeks because of this covid mess. He said if you want to come in and help out in the office they could sure use it. They have been short three people for a while now. I said that would be great. He said come in two to ten. That way they have extra help and you can still do your night hours too. I told him that would be fine.

I did that for a few days and then the accounts guy told me he wanted me to come in earlier. I told him that I had my night stuff to do as well but that Thursday I could come early because they wouldn’t need me and that we leave early that day any way. He said okay.

I thought he talked to the owner or what about it. He didn’t. I went in and was there before him. The owner came by and asked why I was there so early and said something about my night hours and things. I told him I thought him and the accountant had talked about it and okay-ed it. He said no he knew nothing about it. I said they needed me early for training or something. At night on Thursday’s are slow I talked to M the guy I work with at night he agreed I really wouldn’t be missed or needed it would be okay. That the accountant was supposed to get the okay from him. I would of talked to him had I known he didn’t.

Later the accountant go there the owner had words with him. He said he wants you here two to ten. He was mad blah blah. I said that is fine. He said we really want and need you here earlier. I said yeah I know. I said but I can work on things at night from over here like I did before. Because I had helped over there in the evenings with credit cards and things.

Later the guy M I work with at night came in and he sits right against the owners office door. Everyone else had left I was working on somethings. I had walked over to the dispatch room for something and they were talking. My name came up and I heard it. I walked over into the owners office and stood there with them why they were talking. He was talking to M about me working the day hours and not being there that night and how he didn’t know but I had said we talked about it and things. M said yeah really we are not busy because we don’t have trucks rolling out and it has been slow here at night she has been leaving early already. It isn’t more than one person can handle right now. He said honestly if they need her and she wants to do more hours in the day or all of them it wouldn’t be an issue because I have it here at night.

See the owner had already told M a few days or week before that it was slow no point in me sitting around there doing nothing to tell me I could go home early if I wanted to. I had been. I was working enough hours to know I could pay everything that needed to be paid and give me spending money and that was it. Not that I didn’t need the money, but at the same time I knew what was going on and felt it was the right thing to do. Plus it gave me time to spend with JW and see how things were going to go there.

So the owner said okay then that was fine if I wanted to start coming in during the day whatever hours me and the others agreed upon would be find. He said we would get together and talk in two weeks and see where we all stood. As for the shut down, the new girl starting, if they still needed extra help once she did and if M needed me back at night or not.

So that is where we left things back in March.

One Long Day

Last night was the first night I had went to bed before 4 am. It was 1:30 am even then. When I do I don’t sleep good and am awake off and on all night. Last night I went to bed and was for the first time sleeping good. My son came in about an hour after I went to bed and woke me up and after that I didn’t sleep good and was up and down. I am so tired and just wore out. I just want to go to bed go to sleep and sleep with out having to worry about when the kids are going to get up or having to be somewhere or anything else. I just want to go to bed and know that I can go to sleep and sleep as long as I need to  so I don’t feel this way.

Half the time I have no clue what day it is or if I am coming or going. Now with father of the year changing jobs it worse. I am up later. I use to stay up late but I was still in bed most nights by 1 or 2 nothing to horrible. Then with job change and trying to get ready for the kids schooling it has gotten to be 4-6 before I am going to bed. Then I am up with kids by 8 most days. If I am lucky I get a couple hours sleep with out waking up for something or being woke up. most the time not so even the 2 to 4 hours I may get is broken up and not a good few hours of sleep. I am use to being up late and only getting 4 hours of sleep or so. But I am not use to not being able to sleep or it being so broken up once I get to go to bed. I feel like I just take a bunch of little naps through the week and that I don’t ever really sleep. I am to the point I feel like it is just one long day that never seems to end. Everything is starting to fall apart and that is stressing me out even more. I have no motivation to do anything about it. I’m just so tired I drag to get the things that have to be done around here done.

I need furniture and things moved around and different stuff done. Father of the year isn’t home in between calls any more through out the day and is out until late most nights so he has dropped the ball on the things he is supposed to be taking care of and left it for me to pick up and do like always. A lot of it is stuff that has to be done to be able to take care of other things around the house that has to be done so if I don’t do it then important things can’t be done.  I tell him and tell him I need stuff moved that I can’t left and move or the stuff he is supposed to do needs to be done so that we can do the things we need to do. I hear I’m tired now that he has moved job’s I hear how tired he is and how he don’t have time he is never here and when he is it’s so late. He don’t get weekends off any more. He works 6 days on 24/7 and gets 2 days off. He isn’t just in town here going to the little cities or what he is going all over the state and counties a way. When he gets back he is sent out of county again or farther a way than what he normely went so any free time he would have is spent driving to get to where he needs to be and then back. Where before he ran a few miles done the job and was free to come home or do whatever til the next job comes up. Now he is driving to drop on or driving to come back from a drop and there are calls waiting for him when he gets back.

Don’t get me wrong I love that he is gone most the time now for days at a time other than a hour here or there. But it aggravates me that he isn’t doing his part and keeping up with it. That it is all being dumped on me to take care of. When I was gone 50/60 hours a week I was still coming home cleaning and doing stuff around the house and staying up all night with a kid who didn’t sleep. All while he didn’t work and could sleep after the kids got to school or could be cleaning up during the day. I just want to move. I just want to find a place and get a way from him. Even if we do take care of it all he comes in and trashes shit and leaves it all he dose when he is here is bitch about why this is this way and that is that way and the kids not doing anything. When he has no clue the kids have really started stepping up and helping and doing more stuff around. But because when he comes in what he feels should be done or what he wants done I should say isn’t he gets all pissed off but he isn’t here doing anything. On his two days off the last two days he did nothing but make dinner and has left the kitchen trashed for someone else to take care of. No help doing anything else around the house. Make excuses why we don’t need to move it and why he don’t want it that way. I don’t see where he should have any say he isn’t here doing anything. Just like bitching and having a fit that this or that isn’t done how he things it should be or not at all. Where dose he have room to come in here and talk and bitch when he isn’t doing anything? We are doing it we should have things the way we want them and the way it works best for all of us if we are the one keeping up with everything and doing it. There are 5 of us who are here 24/7 now and have to do school here and everything. He isn’t her he shouldn’t worry about how anything is but his room and his stuff in it. The rest of the stuff is mine and the kids anyway not like it is his.

We are trying to see what the checks are going to be like since he gets paid every two weeks. He just got paid Friday but either all or part of that check for for when he was in the other job. By the next check we should know pretty much what he is going to make every two weeks and I now he has days off during the week so he can’t make excuses that he can’t get time off. We are going to finish this divorce. I seen a sign yesterday that said divorce for $99 I told him he needed to just go get a new pack of papers and pay them to fill it out and turn it in make sure it is all done right then we should be able to get a court date with no problems. He said ok so we will see. He said it would probably be more I told him not if he wasn’t going to fight it. He says that is what we will do. I hope he dose we should have no problem with the money and doing it then either. This new position we are one step closer to moving and being out of this mess once and for all thank god.

Some how I got behind on my blog Challenge. I think what happen was I sat down and posted one then started the next days because it was so late. When I was done it was the next day so I went ahead and posted it too. Then with not sleeping and everything running together I got confused what day it was and what day I really posted and thought I was covered for all but yesterdays. I sat down late last night to do it and noticed I needed two not one. I started trying to put it together and was passing out so I went to bed and figured it was already so late I would just figure it out today and get back on track. After I feed the kids and get some things picked up I will be back to figure out where I messed and how I am going to fix it.