{October 24, 2016}   Happy Birthday Daddy

Today would be my dads 62nd birthday if he was still alive. It’s still hard to believe he is gone and that this is the 2nd birthday that has come since he passed. If he was still alive he would come over for dinner and cake, the kids would be so excited they would help cook and bake a cake. Once dinner was done and they had their cake they would drag out the big checker board and take turns playing checkers. That was always mine and my dads game and when he seen the one I had he always played with the kids when he was over. He would have my Little Bitty sitting right next to him or on his lap teaching her how to play already and letting her help him. They would be telling stories about their day and what they did at school and showing him their report cards they will be getting today. He give them a dollar for each of their A’s and B’s. They would be thrilled and tell him how they were going to put it with the rest of their money they have saved. My Big Boy would tell him all about the Tortoise he is saving for and my Little Guy would tell him how he is saving for guinea pigs.

He would stay the night and we would take the kids to school the next day and spend the day hanging out and doing whatever, probably shopping and going out to eat. My dad didn’t like to shop but if he found something he wanted for the kids he couldn’t wait to get it. He would probably want to do some kind of shopping for them even though they don’t need anything. Then to go out to eat because he liked eating out. Then we would pick the kids up and we would drop him off at home or I would drop him off before I picked the kids up depending on where we ended up going during the day.

It is still so hard to believe he is gone. It don’t really get better with time you just get number with time. I had a test and some other things I was going to do today then I seen what the date was and changed everything because I didn’t figure I would feel much like doing anything. I was probably right. I was sitting here doing stuff and started thinking about it about two hours ago and just started crying. Just thinking about how I miss seeing him all the time and his hugs and just spending time with him. Talking to him about things that are going on and having him around to help when I need it. I have branches on a tree out front blocking my driveway right now I need cut. If I can’t get it done myself I am going to have to call someone and pay them to do it. If my dad was here it be done in little bit. I have one of his saws out there he gave Father of The Year that I kept when he left. I knew he just pawn it and lose it, he talked about doing it before when he wanted money. It was my dad’s and he gave it to him to use for things we needed done not to pawn and get money. Besides Father of The Year knows nothing about a saw and would probably end up cutting something off trying to use it. He never been around them or used one.

I am going to try to get them down myself because I think I can stand on the ground and cut them all pretty easily. I won’t mess with them if I have to climb on something with the saw I don’t feel safe doing it, if it comes to that I will call my dads friend that he has known since I was a baby who use to work with my dad and has now open his own company. I know he won’t try to take advantage of me because I “don’t” know any better or something like that. I called him about some work I needed done before and he gave me a fair price. If he isn’t able to get to it then I will see if my yard guy is comfortable doing it, well maybe. I know he would but I don’t know if I am comfortable with him doing it because I have seen him with a saw and I would hate for him to get hurt out here. I probably wouldn’t want him to do it if he had to get up on a ladder or something either thinking about it. Oh well I am not worried about it I am sure I can get someone to do it for me and not try to rip me off. If I think they are god knows I have no problem telling them so and sending them on their way so no worries really.

I guess I am going to try and get some sleep and hope that I can.

{May 27, 2013}   Haven’t Forgotten

I haven’t forgotten you all I miss being on here and having a place to get things out. But with out internet it is hard for me to get on here. I can from my phone but I went from one that I was limited to what I could do to one I can do just about anything on, to one that is a huge POS. It wont go online most the time shuts down ramdomly (mostly when Im in middle of something) and eats half of the stuff I try to post places or post it 10 times. I have been writing my post so I can post them when i can get online hope soon.

Its hard to get anywhere to use the net with two little ones now and last wednesday was the older twos last day of school.

I am trying really hard to get in the swing pf things with the new baby and a 2 year old who still wants to be the baby. The baby alone is hard and being the only one doing 100% of everything for her is very hard. she is with me 24/7 I have had no help or break for even 5 mins with out her since I had her. Dont get me wrong I love her to death but im wore out. Her father has his head so far up his girlfriends ass its sad. he is in such a bad situation if he wanted to take her see her help out some I would have to say no. She wouldnt be safe there. I think he knows it and part of the reason he has only seen her once in 7 1/2 weeks. but he needs to be a man and get himself out of the situation he is in and be a dad to his kids. Ok i have tp leave that alone because that could be a book there is so much crazy there.

On top of dealing with him and his crazy the new baby and the situation I am in right now Friday my son drops a bomb in my lap. That makes getting out of the situation I am in a must and need to ASAP. I have no clue how when I am not even getting call backs about jobs. I dont even know what to say to my son. Nothing is going to fix things just have to get out and help him through.

if your seeing this then yay my phone didnt lose connction eat it or shut down. I will try to ad little quick updates more offten until i can really post like I want. thanks to all who are all still here and reading.

et cetera
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