{December 28, 2018}   To Late for Hospice Care

Yesterday we got back to work after having the last 4 days off. In a little bit Pop came in and started working. In a few minutes he came in and sat down. We talked about Christmas. He said they didn’t really have one no one was really into it. With all that is going on it was understandable.

He then said his wife had gotten worse the last 4 days or so really quickly. That he was going to have to call for a nurse to come in and help. He said he was going to need 24 hour care for her because he couldn’t lift her and do the things she needed by himself it took two people and his kids couldn’t be there all the time and it was a lot for them as well.

I told him that was okay and it is a lot and demanding when you are caring for someone like that. How even with 3 or 4 of us we called someone because as much as you want to do it all you just can’t. He seem like he felt bad he couldn’t do it all. Or like he needed to hear it was okay.

Then he told me that the nurse said they were going to call in hospice for her they would be out today to set it all up. I told him they have a few things that could help him in way of someone to help and sit with her depending on different things.

Today Little Bitty had a dentist appointment at 1. Being I don’t go to work until 10 and would need to leave at 12 to get her and get there I took her with me so we could leave later. We were sitting there and right after we got there Pop’s son came in and talk to us for a bit. He was waiting for the other owner so they could go out. He talk to Little Bitty and played with her and her toy a bit. Then he got a text and said they were going so he must of gotten there. In about 20 or 30 minutes the other owner came walking back in. I seen him on camera walking up to the door and said oh Pop is coming in you can meet him. Then I noticed it was the other owner but he was alone.

He came in and sat down with us. He talk to Little Bitty for a minute. Then he said they had stopped by Pop’s house and his son stayed there. He said hospice was there and she was not doing good at all and he didn’t think it would be long. He said he was waiting for one of the other fill in guys to get there to go out with him. He said needless to say no one is probably going to be here to cover for you. He said just lock up and I will open when ever I get back in. I told him I was going to drop her off and come back I thought it should only take an hour or so. He said okay just let him know when I made it back.

The fill in guy came and they left. They had already pulled out I thought about next week. I was making a list of places to start calling. I called him and ask how I should handle next week? He said go ahead as normal and we hung up.

I had to get a list of groomers together for the area I was calling because all I had was salons. And I have ran through them a lot. I had a girl call in ask about dropping some blades and shears off. It was around 11:30 because I looked and told her we would be closing for a bit in about 45 minutes. She said she was on her way. She got there around 11:50 or so I got a call as soon as she came in. It was the owner that was out on calls. He ask if I had made calls I told him a few but only had the one. He said okay because she had passed and he wasn’t sure when they would do her service or how things were going to go.

My phone is off I haven’t been able to text Pops and I don’t want to call. I figure the last thing he wants to do is talk to a bunch of people. The owner came in today to pay me, he said he didn’t think they would be back in time to. You could tell he was upset and crying. I didn’t know what to say to him, I just told him I was sorry about his mom.

Yesterday was just a blah day all around, but that’s another post.

I am not sure what all I have and haven’t told you all because it has been so long since I was able to pot until the last few days. I know you all know I had a huge problems with my medication a while back when I was starting my other job and had went to the doctor. He upped the one and gave me a new one that I could not take while taking the one I was already one (remember that?) then told me to just stop taking everything until I could come in and get them fixed. I got nasty and told them that I didn’t know when I could come back and things and that is why I had come then, he just needed to fix it and they needed to call it in and let me know what I was supposed to be doing. Well I never heard back from them and I never got to go back. I had kept taking the higher amount of the other because I knew I should not just stop cold and not be on anything and that I needed to be on something. It wasn’t helping 100% but something was better than nothing.

Well I stopped taking it shortly after Mother Dearest moved in, I could not get things done and go to bed when I needed to in order to take it and not be passing out the next morning or feeling drugged all day. I stopped it shortly before I quite my job and I know that is part of the reason I did that. It was getting to be to much for me to deal with the people there all snide comments and remarks and the way they did people and myself. I was also very grouchy and agitated very easily. Hell I walked around that way most the time, I do when I stop taking stuff like that until it gets out of my system. Then dealing with everything at home on top of it. I went through the being sleepy, depressed not being able to get up and do anything hardly and all that. Mood swings the whole nine yards of it, I knew if they kept on at work and that all it was going to take was for them to say one just one thing to me I was going to snap and go off it wasn’t going to be good and I didn’t need that when looking for another job. Plus a few of them I may have ended up in jail no joke because I may have done something I shouldn’t have. It is to small of an area I wasn’t going to risk that and it getting out around town. I left the one day in a bad mood mad they bend over backwards for the high school kids but the ones of us in college they could careless about. I done talk to a few and they told me how they did everything they could to keep them from going and working too. I should of known when I said I have to figure out what I was going to do to Robbie and Ricky as I was leaving that day I wasn’t coming back because that’s what I have said most places before I quit.

I have tried to get in to see my therapist for a while now since before I quit and haven’t been able to yet, much less get back to the doctor. But the therapist is mostly because she was out on vacation was able to come back for one day and then had to go out for medical leave. She came back last week, I set a time to go see her then we had this storm hit and everything going on. I was not happy and have had the truck down the last two days, had to pick up Big Guy from school yesterday sick and him home today, I have to go take him to the dentist tomorrow and the two little ones to the ENT on Friday. Then after all the shit she does, says and pulls my mother wants me to take her to take her test at the college on Thursday. But I need to talk to her about all that is going on and I need to talk to her about this internship I have to do at the Women’s Center.

I don’t know if I told you all but this internship for school is at the Women’s Center like I said and it is for abused women. Our main thing is we go to the court house and help them file for injunctions or go to the court house meet the women before their hearing and let them know what we do and the things that we offer and that we will go in and sit in court with them if they would like us too. I went to training a month or two ago right before I left my other job and it ended up only being a half a day. I hadn’t been back because of things going on here. But just that half a day of training left me feeling horrible. Just listening to what these guys do what these women go through and all that. So very much of it hitting so very close to home with all I have been through with father of the year. I left there and was all but in tears the rest of the day. I had to go to the shop, I sat there it was all I could do not to burst out crying. At that point It wasn’t even over any one thing or something I was thinking about. It just seemed so thick and weighing me down. I felt like I was being smothered or attacked by something. It was horrible feeling I don’t know if I have ever had that feeling before in my life. I felt like there was something physically on me. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had. I think I touched on this in another post not long ago or when it happen so you may have read about already.

I was called to come back this past Friday to do all the training over again. The main lady said she was going to do it and wanted to meet us answer any questions we had and didn’t feel that it went over well for the first half even last time. So I went in and did it, and I didn’t have the same feeling or as affected by it. But we didn’t get into the detail and all that. Last time they told us stories of different clients (no names of course) and what they been through. They did this time but it wasn’t the same kind of things that I had been through so it didn’t really bother me. I was able to detach myself from it so that I could do what I needed to do. I wanted to talk to her about all that and how I felt and things because I am going to be dealing with this kind of thing all the time and more of the things that I have went through than the extreme cases that we learned about Friday.

I want to do the training for the SAV’s program but it is a 40 hour training class and then you have to be able to be on call from 7 am to 7 am a few times a month or more. I have to wait until I get this job or some job and see what days I could do it. The only problem I may have is with my little one in daycare if I was to get a call and not be able to pick her up. But I am going to talk to the one teacher I know and my friend and see if they can help me out if I end up being on call during the week. If it is the weekend or at night my oldest would be here to be with them. I will only be gone a few hours and it is maybe two miles from my house so I wouldn’t be worried about leaving them here. The SAV’s program works with sexual assault victims and I think strangulation victims. Not 100% sure about the strangulation but I know for sure the rest.

It’s sad that our hospitals and things here do not want to deal with rape victims or sexual assault, they now have an exam room set up at the battered women’s shelter for exams for them. When they show up at the hospital they put them in a tax or the back of a police car and send them over there. They call us and tell us they are sending them over so that the nurse and one of us and I am not sure who else can be ready to meet them there when they get there. We have an hour from the time we are called to be there. They have very few people to do it and are splitting it up between 3 or 4 people that is it.

The strangulation program is something that the county has started, because it has become so common and something these guys use instead of just punching them in the eye or the face because they figure they do it just right it won’t leave marks and no one will ever know. So the nurse at the works the exam room is also trained in what to look for if someone says they have been strangled, from the affects it has on their eyes, skin and blood vessels on the face and neck to looking in someone’s throat and what to look for. It is horrible we have to have this but I find it worse that out of all the police departments and things in this county the only people who get taken there and get a chance at having this done and getting help to prove what their offenders done are the ones who live in the county. If they live in a city limit this service or exam is not offered to them. It is a polite program that is set up and being tested. I want to know what we have to do to get it open so that all the women in the county are taken there to be checked just like all the sexual assault ones are. If I have to I will make phone calls and everything else to see that it happens. Because sometimes that is all a guy will do and if you can’t prove it because he didn’t cause enough damage or kill them then they are free to do it again until what next time they do? It isn’t right.

It is so very sad and scary that we need someone to do either one of these exams or that we need people like us to be there and be a advocate for these women and someone to stand beside them and support them as they have to go through all this. But we do, like the one girl said she had not been on any calls the three times that she was on call. But then she thought about it that someone had to be hurt and go through something like that in order for her to get a call and that she didn’t want that to happen to anyone so she just prayed every night that she wouldn’t get any calls. Not because she didn’t want to be bothered or put out but because she just didn’t want anyone to go through that.

I guess I need to go to bed I am calmed down and all the kids are sleeping. I can’t take a nap after I drop the kids at school tomorrow because I have to take the one to his appointment and then go to work at the shop. Besides if I do even though no one is home I am told how I am lazy I don’t do anything all I do is sleep all day every day. Even though I may lay down once a week or every few if I am up late the night before or don’t get to sleep. She knows if I am or not because we are right here by each other and she stays up every fing night on the computer, sleeps all day until we come home or right before and then raises hell when we get home. But let me lay down once in a while for a few hours or even the freaken day if I want to until I get the kids like I said she is all kinds of shit starting. So what if I do what needs to be done is getting done.

{January 20, 2015}   Hospice House

Yesterday I took the kids to the doctor about 10 miles a way from us. I had been thinking about my dad a lot and was debating on going to see him or wait until today. I had all the kids and I knew it would be a to do trying to have them sit still and not get into stuff. When we left the doctor I just turned to go home not even thinking about it. I got a mile or so up the road and turned around. Something just said I needed to go then and there. We drove the rest of the 10 miles to his house and no one was home. There was a car there I didn’t know I figured it was probably someone from hospice. I knocked no one answered so I open the door and went in. I got just about to his room and the lady came out of his room. She said he was laying down. She said he had a hard night and morning wasn’t feeling good. I went talked to him and asked him if he wanted me to bring the kids in or come back another time. He said bring them in of course. We went in the lady kept saying the nurse will be here in a few minutes she should be here in about 10 minutes. Then I asked her after forever she said she was 15 minutes a way and on her way. She still didn’t show up for another 45 minutes or more. In the mean time my brothers wife and step daughter came home. I sat and talk to them they said he had a really bad time in the night he started getting sick and couldn’t stop. She said they called hospice and they came out gave him something. He hadn’t been able to keep stuff down that morning. The nurse came out and took his vitals and talk to him and asked him if he would go to in patient care for a few days so that they could keep a eye on him better had different meds on hand they could change things up and do a little more for him since the doctor was there. He said yes. I was surprised really he said yes to going but he was just so tired and sore. Said his stomach was hurting. He was hungry not able to eat.

They didn’t pick him up until after 6:30 to take him. They told us it would be around 6/7. We talked with him some and I told him I was going to go but that I would come to the hospice and see him today. He said ok. They were trying to get things done for the night and my dad needed to rest. I had to get the kids home to eat and things.

My brother called said they got him there and settled in. He said they told him they didn’t know if it was something else or if it was the last stages of the cancer working on him they would know more today. It wasn’t even 8 this morning I don’t think and my phone was ringing. I didn’t really wake up enough to think at first then it hit me in a second that it might be about my dad calling that early. I grabbed my phone it was. It was his cell I called him back. First thing he was wanting to know is wasn’t I coming up there today? I said yes dad I am coming up there today. He wanted to know when and everything. I said around 11/12 about lunch time. I have to get the kids up feed them and get them ready. I want to let them sleep a little bit longer they went to bed late and the little ones would be cranky. I had asked my friend to watch them as well why I was there she couldn’t get them until 11 after her class. I decided I would take them with me since he had his own room. He telling me all about his room he said it is way bigger than a bedroom. I have a porch, and big bathroom there is another room over there you come into first it has a sink few things in there but that’s it. There a lot of woods around here and I bet there are some big deer in them woods. I am sure there are deer in there. Telling me about being on the porch and looking for deer but they probably wouldn’t come out because to much going on people around. But they might. He decided he was going to go he would see me when I got there.

An hour to hour and half later I got out of the shower walked in my room to get dressed and my phone is ringing it was him. I answer I thought you were coming up here? I said I am dad I told you between 11 and 12. Well ok he says. I said I just got out of the shower the kids are eating and getting dressed. I told him my oldest had to get in the shower I had to dress the little ones we would be on our way. It be a hour or so. He said ok I better let you go get ready. We got all ready and went up there after I found a number to call the place and see where they were because my gps wouldn’t pull it up.

We got there I went past one building and around to this other building then decided that I was at the wrong place. The first building I pasted looked to be the newer once and more like it had rooms not offices through the window. I pulled around and went back over there. I noticed I missed a call. No sooner than I was looking at it to see who it was it my dad was calling again. It was him I just missed. I answered he wanted to know what I was doing. I said we are getting out of the van we are here. He said ok I thought so I thought that was you I seen go by and then come back by. I feel bad I know he hates being in there and bored cant smoke no radio and things. He is use to being able to go outside and listen to the radio and smoke at home when he wants to. He did have a really nice room and things.

But they made me mad because I seen he been sick I took the little pan and cleaned it out for him and made sure the nurse, cna or whatever knew I was. I told him I seen it been sitting there a while I was going to get rid of it for him. Then later he tells me he already had lunch they didn’t give him his meds to keep him from getting sick and that a lot of it came back up. Then he tells me he hadn’t been given his nicotine patch at all. They gave him the meds to keep him from being sick the night before when he got there and early that morning before breakfast but that was it.  He said he wanted a cup of coffee when I came in. I said ring your bell ask them. He wanted me to look see if I seen anyone in the front. I did but there was noone there. They are down the hall not close to him. I pushed his button they came in I asked them for coffee. He moved to the chair from the bed sat his coffee next to the chair. I picked up my daughters jacket to move it for him and something fell in his coffee. I dumped it hit the thing and asked them for another cup. Why we were waiting on coffee is when he told me they hadn’t given him meds or his patch. That he didn’t keep most his lunch down it was broth and things.

That lady came in with his coffee I said how often can he have his meds to keep him from getting sick. She said I don’t know I am diatery and a cna but I help out on the floor too. I said well he had it to keep him from getting sick when he eats and no one gave it to him before lunch he has been sick no one gave it to him after lunch. No one has come in to check and ask and no one has given him his patch at all and he has been here since last night. She said oh no wow I will go find a nurse right now to answer your questions and check on all that for you. In just a few minutes she was in there with a nurse they were giving him something for his lungs, something to keep him from getting sick and something else. Not that it was going to help hours after the fact. I thought she had his patch too when she came in I seen a square on the tray. But then I seen her wipe the line in his leg with a wipe to clean it before she gave him the beds. I knew then it wasn’t the patch it was that wipe. They had to take him in the bathroom to give him the one med. The cna was in the room with me. I said they didn’t give him his patch what is going on with that. She said I don’t know you will have to ask I am not sure if she did or not. They came out I asked the nurse why he still didn’t have his patch. She said it was on order as soon as they got it they would get him fixed up. So they hadn’t even ordered it for him and the nurse who was at the house hours before they moved him there told them he was going to need it and to have them put it in for him. I told that cna when he was in the bathroom that they couldn’t just not give him the patch for whatever reason that he had to have it. I said he is already telling me to go get him a pack of smokes and how he is going to go out on that porch and smoke. She I know I smoke I know how it is. She said I am going to check in on him in a bit and make sure he gets it. I hope she did and they better have given him more meds before he ate again. They bring him in there to try and see if they can get something else that will work for him and how are they going to know if they don’t give it to him if it will or not. Then put him on a liquid diet because he got sick. Guess he would if you aren’t giving him meds.

I told him I had appointments with the kids I didn’t know if I would come tomorrow. Plus I have very little money for the next two weeks. Pretty much just food money until we get paid in two weeks. But I didn’t tell him that. I am trying to stretch my gas so that I can get back to our appointment next week and to get up there and see him more too. But I don’t want to spend it all in just a few days this week not be able to go see him next week. The appointment isn’t a big deal I can cancelle  it if I really had to. But I want to get there to see him. I didn’t get to last week because of my little guy breaking his arm and all the appointments we had. I am probably going to have to tell him and ask him to borrow a little bit to get by until next week.

Since pay checks are every two weeks it is just now catching up to us where father of the year missed work because my dad had that bad weekend two weeks ago. Then missed the following Monday because of my little guy breaking his arm and having his surgery and having to bring us home from the hospital. Between rent and bills we had to get a alone to hopefully get everything paid until we get another check. We have no extra money. I don’t want to tell him he missed work for him being sick. I just tell him he missed because of my little guys arm and we had bills and rent all come up at once the way things fell this last few weeks and that we had to take care of them. I don’t want him to feel bad and tell me just not come or not to have him take off if something happens.

We will have tax money soon I am going to put a grand in the bank and try to ad a few dollars here and there at the end of each week if there is anything. Even if it is just $5 or $20, something better than nothing. That way if he has to take time off it is there to pull from. So this don’t happen again.

et cetera
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