{April 15, 2019}   Is It Normal To….

Analyze dating and relationships so much? Down to every last detail and thought? I guess that is my OCD. I guess it is better than jumping into a different one every few days or week. I don’t know, sometimes I feel maybe I make it more complicated than it has to be. But then we aren’t talking about what to have for dinner or what color towels to buy. This is something that you will be living with the rest of your life you hope. If not then it will have a huge impact on your life. Not just yours but yours and everyone involved such as your kids. That just seems like everything should be thought of and thought through and looked at. I am just left with to much time to think about things once I make my mind up and then it just snowballs from there if left to long and then I look like a rambling blabbering fool I am sure.

{November 10, 2018}   Raising Hell Again

She has been at it again. I work up Thursday with her arguing with Big Boy. Then come in my room yelling at me that I better do something with him how he talks to her and blah, blah on and on. I just told her not to come in there and start with me and start yelling at me and she got all mad she wasn’t yelling him this and that. I said you started on him, your minding his business and yelling at him. No I’m not she screams, that she is going to call the police because of him yelling at her and slamming doors. I said there is nothing they are going to do. Yes there is he can’t just do that you need to teach him better. I said it’s funny your the only one he dose it with. Because you don’t make him do anything I am the only one that does. I said I don’t have to make him do anything I tell him and he does it or better yet I ask him then if he don’t I tell him. I don’t scream yell, and tell him what he better do and that he better do it right now this way and stand over him why he does it. I said you have no reason to be telling him to do anything or to be yelling at him and doing what you are doing and if you were at anyone else house you wouldn’t be with their kids either you aren’t here and if you do and he talks to you that way that is on you. You have no say. Then she starts about when she calls the police they will make me do something with him blah blah bullshit. I said whatever your crazy and you may just get to see who see’s what if you want to do that and try to cause problems here. I already told you I will bring down anyone and everyone if you even try to start shit for me. I am not worried because I know I have done nothing wrong and there is nothing anyone is going to do or say because there is nothing wrong. But I know that the rest can’t say that.

I get home after working both jobs and go to bed, with in hours I am woke up with her raising hell with my oldest. All over one of them cleaned up from the dog being sick hours earlier then they went out just then and put the clothes in the drier out of the washer. Mind  you they had washed probably a million times since they cleaned it up they used paper towels, they have been to the bathroom so had to wash their hands eaten dinner washed their hands before and after so their hands were more than clean. It had been HOURS. But she is freaking out they need put back in the washer and rinsed. What good is rinsing them going to do if they have something on them from when they did this I do not know. If they are dirty from this like you say then I would think they would need to be rewashed to get them cleaned. But she is raising hell she had better go take them out put them in the washer and rinse them right this minute. Again I tell her they are fine they don’t need done to leave her alone and stop raising hell in my house. She starts about how dirty it is and how she don’t want to catch something from what they just did because she has to wash her clothes out there too. How she has this horrible infection on her face now and can’t get rid of it. Looks like pimples to me and it comes and goes like pimples and it is so horrible she has never once tried to go to the doctor about it to see what it is. If it is something so horrible and she caught it from drying her clothes in the drier, touching things in the house or just being in the house like she says then why hasn’t some of the rest of us caught it? We are so filthy and dirty like she say, and how did she catch it when she washes her hands for 20 minutes every time she touches something? We wash like normal people and we are not sick and don’t have anything wrong.

Last night she starts about eating she hasn’t eaten in days hardly. I don’t know how many days it has been but it is not my problem. She is a grown adult with a truck and knows other people besides me to do for her. I have been in and out of the house every day and to the store about everyday and she always says she don’t want anything or makes and excuse. Don’t know what it was the other night she didn’t get anything. Then last night she ask me to stop on my way home and get her something from the chicken place. This after I told her I was not going to go to the store for her anymore at all in the middle of the night when I was woke up because of her raising hell over the washer. I say okay but by the time I get there they are closed. I figure she should know this she sits at home on her computer looking these places up trying to decide what she wants and from where. Then she says well where else is there? I say such and such back across town where I just came from and that is about it that I know of. She says forget it she guess she don’t want anything. I ask if she wants something from there or not I am over there not going back. She won’t even get on the phone that is fine with me but it is aggravating. She tells oldest no tell me forget it she didn’t want anything it has been days now but she don’t know where there is to get as late as it is, something about me going to work and everything. Like I am supposed to be there at her call to get her something. She then waits until she knows I am over the bridges and about home to call me and say something. I told her just that I was already almost home now. She started about me saying something about it being back across town and not wanting to go. I said I also ask what you wanted before I got this far so I could go back then. You ask for stuff from places knowing what time it is and don’t bother to see if they are open or how late they are going to be open no I don’t want to run back and forth across town when you could check and I could go to one place and not backtrack ten times. Well whatever I guess I will go. I said okay bye and hung up. I was not going back across two towns to get her food and coming back again at that point. I picked oldest up to go to the store ask if she wanted something from there. They have cold subs and things if your hungry you will get something. but she can’t eat them they had a recall on something that is on them them months ago so they are contaminated. She can’t cook in the microwave because it is contaminated even though it has been bleached out a zillion times. The kitchen has been bleached down I don’t know how many times but it isn’t fit for her to cook in. Then I guess she will be hungry. It isn’t good enough for her because it isn’t bleached down every night. We cook we eat we use our kitchen we wipe it down every night to get the stuff up. Sometimes oldest don’t and I have to get her to when I get home but it isn’t like it is so dirty you can’t cook in it.

I got home talked with the kids a bit and went to bed. In a little while I hear her in there telling oldest something. Then I hear her say if I pass out and don’t come to before someone gets here to help tell them I haven’t been able to eat for days now or hardly eat in days my sugar levels are probably rock bottom low that is what is wrong with me. Something about drinking a soda or something to help keep it up there some. She was just like oh okay she stomped off went back to the bedroom. I didn’t say anything or even go out there. I’m not playing her game. I do not care if she sits there and don’t eat for a month if she gets sick and has to call them to come and get her and she can tell them all she wants that she hasn’t eaten. They are going to look at her and go is that your truck out there? Is that your phone? Have they been to the store and could of picked you something up? You are able to get up walk around. You could of gotten in your truck and went to get something, you could of called one of your other kids to come bring you something or to take you to get something. You really feel that you are being mistreated you could of called us before now. Just to much that she can try to say what she wants and try to get something started anyway she can there are to many holes in her her tries it is laughable. Plus every doctor she has been to has commented on her mental state or her mental health and she told me the other day they have in her records before that she denies an eating disorder so whatever she was to try and pull would just re enforce what they already think about her not reflect on me. It will probably help me get her out of my house as well.

I try not to fight with her and just ignore her but when she starts on the kids and things I can’t not say anything. If she don’t eat or whatever it isn’t my problem. But when it comes to them I have to step in at times. We all 5 have talked about it and how she has a mental illness and that unless she gets help for it she is going to be this way. That it is on her not us and that we can’t force her to get help but that we do have to sit back and let her treat us the way she is. Ignore her for the most part but when she gets like she does demanding, yelling and screaming you can’t just give in and do what she wants when there is no reason for it.

It is sad that people walk around this way and there is nothing that you can do to make them get help. But then there is that fine line of how much can you make someone do before it is taking their rights away. But if they are ill like this and not thinking right and living an unhappy life should we not step in? She knows something is wrong but she don’t think this not buying, cooking or eating food in the house is because of whatever is wrong, she don’t think that needing to rinse things because of germs is normal and we are all the one with the problem. She knows everything and all that. So I guess if she wants to live in a bubble and be unhappy the rest of her life she can do it because once she is out of my house I am not going to be around her anyway. I know I have mental health problems but mine don’t affect others I live unhappy and miserable and deal if I don’t or can’t take my meds. If or when it starts affecting others then I do something about it. She just looks at it as everyone else has the problem and she is fine nothing at all wrong with her. But she is the one that no one at all wants to or will help. The one that don’t really have friends and who don’t leave the house or have anything. She just can’t seem to see this. Oh well it is her life she just needs to get out of my house and forget who me and my kids are and leave us alone to live our lives and hope that her other kids step up and help her or she figures out how to do it herself since there is nothing wrong with her and it is everyone else. Guess I better go reset these rooms and get ready for these groups getting ready to come in.


{September 19, 2017}   Unwanted House Guest

As you all may remember my mom moved in with us a few months ago, it has been nothing but hell and fighting since. We have had a few bad fights and one again tonight. She has her truck here she won’t drive it, she didn’t pay the insurance on it so it just sits there. She expects me to run to the store every time she needs smokes, drinks, food, or anything else that she wants. She complains all she does is sit in her room on the computer or lays in her bed because she will not sit on the couch, a chair or even a kitchen chair. Most the time she will not eat whatever I cook or make for any meal. She has to buy her own lunch meat bread and everything else. She won’t drink out of a cup she buys little bottles of coke, bottles of water or drinks out in a cup, because everything is so dirty. The dishes go through the dishwasher so they are clean and sanitized. She can’t use the one bathroom because the kids cleaned the guinea pig cage and went in there and washed their hands. She can’t touch the knob to turn it on, she can’t touch the door knob to open the door because it has the mess from the cage on it. No the cage is not cleaned daily like it should be (my standards) but about once a week and it is a 4 ft x 2 ft cage so it isn’t like it is a little tiny cage. It gets cleaned daily or every few days most the time but not sine she has been here because they shouldn’t clean it why I am making dinner they shouldn’t clean it this time or that time then its to late to clean it. They take it outside to the water house clean it out good clean everything in it good. She can’t touch the front door knob because one of the kids went out it with the trash bag from the kitchen trash and touched it. You would think that my door knobs were sticky, dripping with nasty stuff, had stuff all over them or something and that everything in my house did and you can’t see anything anywhere.

I have bleached down the kitchen and both bathrooms I don’t know how many times. I paid my oldest to do them just the other day because I didn’t feel like doing it and we had bleached the kitchen down why she was gone. That wasn’t good enough for her because we didn’t take a pan of water with bleach in it wipe everything down and then get clean water and wipe the bleach off everything. I told her it was done how it was done it was fine that I would not be bleaching it down so that was that. Then she was complaining because she had a dish pan here that we used for something and that she didn’t have that she wanted to go bleach everything down in the kitchen. If you wash your hands in the bathroom they are not clean you need to wash them in the kitchen before you go to get her food, smokes or a drink, but if you just skip washing them in the bathroom then the kitchen handles are dirty because you didn’t wash before you went in there and washed. I am so over it. Then telling me how my house is so nasty and so dirty and everything else again how I make the kids do everything do nothing, how Father of the Year (my husband) she keeps saying. I said he isn’t my fucking husband anymore. Said how I did and things were here and how this one and that one in the family say it is here. Again they are hardly ever here really they are never ever here maybe once a year if that. I said and funny how they all talk about you behind your back and how you are and everyone knows how she is, oh no they don’t they talk about you they didn’t say this and that when I told her what they said. I said that’s funny get them on the phone I will call them out right here and if they been talking about me, my kids, my house and how it is or not and I will call them out and tell you just what they said and say about you at the same time. I don’t care I have nothing to lose or gain from any of it. She shut up for a minute then.

She started again about something, I said funny you couldn’t wait to come over her then sit down and wait for someone to do everything for you that needs done. No I don’t she starts again. I said yes go the store for this go for that and then go get this or that for food and things. Well you don’t do nothing else, I said oh but yes I do and I don’t need anyone else to take care of. I have enough to take care of. It don’t hurt you you never help anyone blah blah I said yes just not people like you who do nothing for their self, or do nothing but cause problems for everyone else. I said it’s so bad you couldn’t wait to get here. No I had no where to go, I said so your just using and causing problems. I will show you I am getting out of here just as soon as I can and when I do I am calling someone to take care of how things are here it is illegal blah blah bull crap. I said go ahead there is nothing illegal going on here I am not worried about it I will let a cop, dcf worker or anyone else in my house anytime they want to walk up in my house no matter how it looks clean or “dirty” I said make sure it is as filthy as it can get when you call them, and when you call someone and try to start problems because that is all your going to do is try nothing will come of it yet again you better make sure you remember it because you will never see or hear from me or anyone in my house again. I mean it, I will cut her, my sister, grandma, everyone that has anything at all to do with her and not speak to any of them again. I will move when I get ready and everything else and no tell them we did or where we went. We will go ghost and there is nothing she will be able to do about it. She keeps talking about lets go lets go get our stuff take our money and leave. I got news for her I do not plan to move anywhere close to where she wants to go, plans to go or ends up going if she goes before me. I do not and will not take her where I go either. She will not come stay with me when I move so that she can find a place and get settled, if she moves close to me I will not do the first thing to help her get moved there or to help her once she gets there. She is 100% on her own once she moves out of my house.

I have even went so far as to call dcf myself anonymous say I know kids living in x house with x people and this person is causing a problem, the kids are always talking about them and complaining about them and the problems there are there all the time since they came there and they feel that they need to go out and check it out to see what is going on. That they know the family that they do not feel there is abuse to the kids by mom that mom is taking care of the kids but she took in a family member that is causing problems and they feel it needs to be checked into. When they come out and talk to my kids my kids tell them yes this is true this is what grandma does this is how things are and how they have been this is what she says to us what she says to mom and the things she threatens to do, they can tell her that she is the one being abusive and causing problems. They may even tell her that she needs to find somewhere else to go and can’t stay here. But at least then they will have been out know what is going on and what to expect if she does try to call later and when she starts about calling and everything else I just tell her look they been to my house twice now in 7 years over you and it hasn’t worked so no need to call again. I don’t know what else to do.

I have talked to my sister about taking her back to her house until she is done doing this to her face she said she needs 6 weeks to do and can’t because of how dirty it is and how bad it is here she is going to catch some kind of horrible infection and die from it. That I don’t care about her if I did I would have cleaned the house up so she could do this to her face she is going to die because it is going to spread and cause problems if she don’t do it and my dads started on his face and look what happen. Well if you might catch an infection and die if you do it but the odds are you aren’t going to or your going to die because you don’t do it then wouldn’t you go ahead and do it and hope not to catch an infection than not do it and let it spread and cause you more problems? I mean it might be horrible to say but if this is how she is looking at it then if I was her I would at least do what I could to make it better and hope for the best than just not do anything. She just drives me up the wall. She wants to go to her friends house out of state says she would go there until February but she can’t because she has to do this to her face. She has been here more than enough time to do it but won’t because there is always and excuse. She has needed to do it for years and has come up with some excuse and not done it so now its my turn to be her excuse and blamed and just something else to show how horrible of a mom I am. I don’t care I know the truth everyone knows the truth and that is that. I could careless whatever one is saying or isn’t saying about me behind my back. If she is so hell bent that they are talking about me behind my back then why would she not think they were here behind hers. They don’t talk behind one and not the others. Tell me I’m just a pig and I can see it everywhere I look when I turn around and how bad my house is and what I am saying about her is all lies. That her house what fine until (my husband) father of the year came there. I said not true there was the stuff from the body that was in that one apartment where the guy died in there that you went to look at. I said you couldn’t keep your clothes, shoe’s, purse or anything else that you had with you. Grandma and Father of the year had to get rid of their clothes, jackets she had to get rid of her purse they had to get rid of their shoes and then a ton of other stuff had to be gotten rid of because your feet were in the floor of your truck it hadn’t gotten cleaned after you walked around in there and had your shoes in the truck. She don’t know why, how, where the man died in the apartment, she don’t know if anything was on the floor or anything else in there or how it was cleaned. But he died there and he was probably sick and that is in there and he was there long enough that stuff ran from his body and was in there. Then it was something that father of the year done it wasn’t clean in the house they bleached it and bleached it down and the truck and threw stuff away again. But then something that was in that apartment will be found she forgot about or something that had something to do with whatever father of the year did will show up and it starts again. Then they hit a dead animal on the side of the road and that was on her tire and then it probably got on the running board and then it got on her pant leg and his pant leg so they again needed to throw away their pants and shoes and then it was on their hands they touched this and that so now it was dirty and needed to be tossed or bleached. Then that was “cleaned” up and the yard guys blew something under her door from the parking lot with the blower when they were cutting the yards so now whatever that was is in her house and she had to throw away another rug and this or that bleach everything down and throw away stuff and then it be clean and something else would come of it again when she thought of it. She ended up throwing away almost everything in her house, couch, recliner, rugs, lamps pots pans shoes clothing beds anything and everything you can think of. And it couldn’t be given to anyone else because then they may get sick and she would get in trouble because she knew it had this or that on it or wrong with it and gave it to them so now she would go to jail or what. This isn’t something that oh one thing happen then a few months down the road something happen or a year. This is something would happen and she would fix on it for a year or months until something happen then fix on it and some times it and the other thing or it and the things from three times ago. She has been this way for a long time and it just goes in a circle.

I am rambling and bitching I know I am sorry and your a saint if you made it this far. I am just so aggravated and frustrated with everything that is going on that she has done. I have told her over and over to get her stuff and get out that i was going to the court house and filing papers to get her out that I would move and leave her here and let the owner deal with getting her out and everything else. The thing is if I file against her to get her out she will not be able to get anywhere at all because once you have been filed against here they will not rent to you. I know I shouldn’t care what happens or where she goes I don’t but I don’t want to see her out in the street either. I just don’t want her in my house.

{March 20, 2017}   Don’t Have To Live With Her

Father of the year showed up like he told the kids he was going to do. I was shocked because I really didn’t think he was going to show. Me and the kids got up and went to church this morning then went to lunch and stopped at the craft store after lunch. We just went in to look around get out of the house a little longer before I had to come home and get my school stuff done. We weren’t in the store very long at all and my Big Boy said he felt like he was going to be sick and his right side hurt. I ask him if he wanted to sit in the truck a few minutes while I looked at a couple things quick and we would go. He wanted my oldest to come with him but she wanted to look too. My Big Guy said would go but Big Boy wasn’t up for that he said he would be okay for a little bit while we looked. Well in just a minute he was feeling really sick so we left and came home. Not long after that Father of the year called and said he was coming to see the kids. I told him he better bring me the money he owed me if he was coming or not to bother coming and not to give me no excuses. He said okay.

He showed up and brought the money. uI thought it was pretty petty I asked him to bring a two litter bottle of coke when he came since he had to stop at the store and he said okay. When he got here he handed me the money he was supposed to bring me and a handful of change. I ask what that was? He told me it was the change from the two litter he bought at the store. I thought really you come over here drink whatever you want and eat at least one meal with the kids when you are here but you couldn’t even buy a bottle of coke? It may not have thought anything of it but he made it a point to tell me they charged him twice for it and he had to get them to take it off the second time. I ask how he said he paid for it then paid for the stuff he got and they added it to the stuff he got after he already paid. So not like he was just getting that and took it out of my money he had it in his hand from getting it. He held the line up to do two transactions to make sure he didn’t have to pay for it. I said something about it and he was like oh you wanted me to pay for it? I guess I can give it back to you if you want it. I said nope I don’t want it back I’m really not that petty, just thought it was interesting you hardly ever pay when your supposed to so much behind and you eat and drink here all the time but you made it a point to pay twice instead of just buying it and going on. Well this that and the other like all the time he is broke blah blah. I said I don’t care whatever was just saying. I do it all the time if I am picking something like that up for someone I just get it if it is only a couple dollars and just give it to them or if they ask me to bring something on my way.

He hung out with the kids and helped them with aI few of their chores and played with the guinea pigs with them. I had him move the furniture around in the living room and put the rugs down. Then he started talking about my mom and how bad she is and how he can’t stand it and he is ready to leave and no one helping her or doing anything for her it’s left to him.

I told him that no one can help her if she don’t want to go get help herself. That him agreeing with her about everything is just enabling her and making it worse not better and that no matter what me and my sister say to her as long as he agrees that it will never matter. He said I didn’t need someone coming over there and starting about all that she is doing either and you all don’t have to live with her if you don’t agree with her she gets all mad and has a fit and…..I said well your going to have to keep living with her because you keep agreeing with her so she thinks what she is saying and doing is fine. Not my problem not anyone else. I am ready to sleep in my truck and forget it but then she will be homeless and that will be my fault.

I told him no then she will have to come live with me or my sister and it will be me because my sister and her husband will not let her come there because of the way she is. I told him she won’t come here or last here long because she is scared to be here by herself even in the daytime she already told me. Well I am not going to never be able to walk out of my house without her day and night and do anything with out her because she don’t want to be here alone. There is no reason not to stay here alone me and 4 kids do day and not every day sometimes with no one coming over or us going anywhere for days we are fine. Plus my cleaning isn’t up to her standards, she can’t hardly clean and do things anymore because of her back and knees. So then she is going to expect that me or the kids are going to drop everything and clean everything all the time to her standards every day and that is not going to happen. Nor is she going to come in here and take over and say what goes or don’t go or anything of the sort or are we going to get rid of the dog because she is scared of it to be out of the cage if she is here it isn’t staying in the cage. Like I told him she comes here I am going to tell her like it is I am not going to agree with her about everything and clean my house top to bottom every day to meet her inspection or whatever. I will tell her she is living in my house this is how it is she can have x space room or whatever she is free to clean it whenever and how ever she wants and do it every day if she wants but no one will be doing it for her or doing the rest of the house that way. These are my friends they will be coming over they will be going places with me. She has a problem with that too. If she decides not to stay that is fine I have no problem what so ever with her not staying here and leaving. If she decides to be homeless or whatever because of it then that is fine. This is my house it is ran the way I want it, it is clean and taken care of it is cluttered not dirty big difference. If she don’t want to live in it the way it is and would rather leave that is fine. That is her choice to make.

He says she is sick she needs help. Yes she is but she don’t get help when she does go somewhere and they give her something she will not take it and have every excuse in the book not to take it. She already has and they haven’t even given her anything yet. Like I told him it is just like addiction, I am not going to go let someone on drugs live me and rule my house say how things go. I am not going to go to their house and clean it when it is spotless just because what they think is wrong or happen. They decide to be that way they decide not to go get help getting off of them then I am not going to be there helping them do them along the way. Because even lending them money for rent or bills is basically buying their drugs for them because that is letting them have their money free to do just that. Just like agreeing with her is telling her what she is doing is ok and normal and that what me and my sister say is wrong and we are stupid and don’t know nothing like she says and implies all the time. No one knows anything but her and then him agreeing with her makes her worse. He finally got pissed off and left, I don’t really care who gets pissed off he can, she can or my sister but the truth is the truth and if the truth hurts then figure out why and fix it. I know my sister isn’t going to get mad because she was the one over there telling her the other night about how she is doing and calling me pissed off because he sat their and agreed with her instead of saying yeah everyone is right she needs help.

Like her coffee table is wood and finished she wiped it with bleach or something and now it is kind of sticky to the touch she says. Therefor if you touch it you now have the finish on your hands and if it gets in your mouth you are sure to get deathly ill or die from it. I do not feel anything sticky and do not think her worry over it is anything to even think twice about. Even if it was sticky I would not think twice about touching it or sitting something on it. The kids are not allowed to touch it nothing can be sat on it, if it is it is now contaminated and needs washed a millon times or thrown away. My nephew is 2 she expects him to sit on my sisters lap and not touch it or anything else because there is some reason and not get down and run around why he is there if it is 5 minutes or an hour. If he does then my sister can’t control him is the problem and she needs to make him listen. I am telling you this table is not an issue for anyone but her. I would not be afraid to go over there and lick every square inch of the top. ( I know your welcome for the visual, but I am just pissed and trying to get my point across to him) Because I don’t think anything would happen. I could understand if he picked the bottle of stain to finish it up and drink some of it but he ins’t and I do not think it is going to hurt him or anyone else for that matter unless they did something like that. When my sister brought it up and said something about it the other night my mom said he knows he can tell you and he said yes or he didn’t know maybe it could hurt him if he touched it. I said do you really think that him touching that table is going to hurt him or cause a problem? He said no I think it is fine but I don’t know for sure. I said would you touch it and worry? Would you even think twice about it if you touched it and it hadn’t been made such a big deal by her? Would you think you need to rush and wash your hands a 100 x any other time. He said no. I said ok then saying I don’t think it will or I don’t know it might is just the same as agreeing with her. If it is something you would never think twice about and know that 99.99999% of the rest of the world wouldn’t think twice about then saying other wise you are agreeing with her. When I said this and about the drug addict thing is when he got pissed off and left. I also told him that people die every day of the most bazaar once in a life time kind of things but just because it happen to one person 20 years ago and 5,000,000,000 people have used whatever before and since and it didn’t happen don’t mean that your going to be that one in that it is going to happen to. If you talk to my mom everyone is that one in a 100 that anything bad that could go wrong or happen to them it will. Then she wonders why no one comes around and no one wants to talk to her or help her with anything. Hum I wonder why?

He just keeps saying you don’t have to live with her she gets mad goes off on me blah blah. Telling me what rooms he is and isn’t allowed to use in the house and how he isn’t allowed to sit on her new couch that she is getting tomorrow. He isn’t allowed to cook or use the kitchen because he is dirty the way he does things because he don’t do just what she wants and how. I said see that would not fly I am living there paying rent and bills I do what I wanted and tell her if she don’t like it then I can leave I am not paying to live somewhere and not be able to live there and use the place. He can’t wash his clothes in her washer he has to take them to the laundry mat and pay to wash but still pays the water bill too. But whatever she says goes because he is a push over and will not stand up for his self. Not my problem she my mom I love her but I do not have to be pulled into her mental illness that she refuses to do anything about knowing that it isn’t right and how she is but still does nothing.

{November 14, 2016}   OCD Germaphobe

Tonight my friend sent me a message and ask if I would take her and her boyfriend up to the hospital so he could get his foot looked at. I told her yes to in a little bit because Father of the Year was on his way back he could sit with the kids. When he got here I ran them up there and dropped them off.

He is diabetic and had gotten a sore on his foot. It’s been there for a while, he took medication he had for it and it didn’t get better. She has been telling him he needs to go and I have told him I would take him but he hasn’t went. Now it has gotten infected and rather large. He got there and they kept him. They are talking about maybe having to take his foot off.

Father of the Year didn’t go home in time to work on the truck and called asking if he could come over and see the kids some more. I let him and they had dinner and things. I figured it would let me get school done since I had been dealing with sick kids all week. I sent the older kids to bed at 8 and finally got them there around 930 after keeping after them because he was here. My Little Bitty stayed up wanted story read, he did that, then she wanted another one, to watch tv and other stuff. I kept telling her to go to bed and him to go home. He sat here with her until midnight. Then talking about how late it was he had to be up by 430 to go to work. This is a new company still a temp company and a few days of work then he has to see if they have anything after that.

I had told my friend if she wanted to go home and he was here I would pick her up. She hadn’t asked and I hadn’t said anything about it and was going to let him go home. I wanted him to go because she could stay there with him if she had too. He was here when I got done with my work and was talking about how late it was so I said I was going to go give her a ride home just go to sleep on the couch.

I don’t even get to the hospital and my mom is calling me wanting to know why he is here and staying when I make him leave any other time and going on about how she has this final to go take in the morning and now she can’t sleep because of stuff that has been going on around there and she don’t feel safe. I told her it wasn’t because of me the only reason I left was because he had no plan of going home. She wanted me to call her when I got home but I didn’t I was trying to finish school stuff and was going to go to bed. She had said she was going to change it for a different time. I told her to make it for about 1 if she wanted it be time to do it and get her home so that I could pick the kids up. When I got home she text him and told him to come home so she could sleep. I told him to tell her to just text me when she was going for the test and that i was trying to hurry get this done and go to bed.

Well it wasn’t no time she was calling me back two or three times because I didn’t answer and wanted to know why I hadn’t called her I was supposed to. Then something was brought up about taking them to the hospital and things. I told her he had this infected place on his foot they kept him said he may lose his foot because he didn’t come in sooner. Then she was all freaked out and talking about them being in my truck and getting that all in my truck. I told her he had shoes on wasn’t like he was in there with it all open rubbing it all over everything. He was probably messing with it before he put his shoes on and people don’t wash their hands like they should and even if they do it don’t kill everything and how she has to put this chemo stuff on her face and can’t get any kind of infection. She wanted to know where he rode and she bet in the front on and on. I told her yes he rode in the front. Then it was why is he riding in the front with you instead of her? Why does it matter like she trying to make something out of that or something. I told her because he is like 300 lbs or more and it was easier for him to get in and out of the front. She just kept going on and on about the germs and her catching something. I finally told her I had to go so I could finish this work and go to bed.

I text my friend and told her what time I had to take mom for her test and when I would be free to give her a ride back up there and things. I told her that was if she even went for her test tomorrow or not and what was going on.

I bet it wasn’t even 5 minutes she was calling me back and telling me that she guess Father of the Year was going to have to miss this job and take her to her test in the morning and to her test I was supposed to take her to on Tuesday. I just said ok. Then she said how the kids weren’t going t be able to come over there for months now because of this. How she was hoping that when she was done with school next month they could come over there why they were out of school and things. I just said ok. She is like you understand why and how bad this is and important this is that I don’t catch anything don’t you. I just said yeah and let it go. Then she was telling me how I needed to go wash my hands really good, not in the kitchen, wash my keys, get a pan of bleach water and bleach my truck down really good, bleach my house down and all this. I just said ok I got to go I am still trying to get this school done and go to bed before it gets to much later. She just said ok and bye.

I can not believe how germophobe she really is. She was never this bad until the last few years. She has always had little things but nothing that made no one want to be there or around her. I know some of it is stress and things but it isn’t all stress. She will say she knows this or that isn’t right at times but she can’t help it and if the stress wasn’t so bad or this wasn’t this way she would be better or wouldn’t be like this. The bottom line is she needs to go somewhere talk to someone and get treated. I don’t think she is going to get better without some kind of help from medication. But she don’t want to go get any so she is going to stay this way. Like I have said from the start it is up to her if she does or she doesn’t, but it is also up to me if I am going to go there and deal with her and to what extent. I am also not going to change what I do, how I do things, who I help or how I help them because of the way she is. I can not live my life worried about germs and all the other things that she is worried about like she does. I will go insane and cause my kids to as well.

I knew I had to take her this morning to her test and Tuesday, but I didn’t feel that it was a big deal. Like I said it wasn’t like it was something that was being spread all over the truck or even out and open while he was in the truck. I honestly never thought about it being a problem and do not feel that it is now. I feel she is over reacting very much so.

I think that her having him take off to take her knowing that he probably will not get work from this place again if he does is really messed up but I didn’t say anything. Like I told him before when he said he didn’t know if he would get more he better go to day labor or where ever he can get money. It don’t matter what it pays at this point as long as it is paying. I got to get this stuff sold and i should be good for a month or so. I will figure out from there what to do.

{October 23, 2016}   Ranting

I don’t even know what to call this post but I am pissed off. I had not heard from Father of the Year in two or three days I was happy. I also had not heard from my mother in as many or more days just as good.

Tonight the kids wanted to watch some dvds that we got and wasn’t sure where the player was or how to hook it up. I told them and they tried and then they moved wires around and tried some more and couldn’t get it to work.

My oldest called her dad to ask him how to get it hooked up and they had the same that we already had, black and white and busing. Then he wants me on the phone so I get on the phone and he starts, what was I doing, why wasn’t I hooking it up, why didn’t I help them. I told him I had that it wasn’t working I didn’t know anymore about trying to fix it than they did other than just hooking and unhooking wires. Now I am back there trying to figure it out I finally got sound and no busing. He keeps saying this and that I told him to wait I was trying to figure out what we had and what was going on. He keeps on and on. The cords are color coded so it should be easy but it isn’t because we have cords of one color and different colors on the player or he tv.

He starts this shit what is wrong with you what are you doing? Then he says two or three times to me are you drinking? Have you been drinking? I’m like no there is nothing wrong with me your phone is cutting in and out again. I’m not drinking I don’t know what you are talking about. He keeps on again sounds like your drinking you have been drinking what are you doing bullshit. I tell him I am find I don’t know what he is talking about and that we have it hooked up. He says he has to go he is driving and trying to get home. I tell him fine we have it he wasn’t being any help anyway not making any since we have it working.

We get it going sit down and just get into the movie, my friend called I was talking to her about all that is going on with her and someone knocks on my door. I look out and it is him and my mother. I was so pissed then they sat here for like two hours. Of course we have a couch full of clothes that need folded because we have been doing laundry today the dog had just pissed on my carpet lovely. The dog was excited to see people here so she was trying to get out the door and see her.

She starts freaking out about the dog and she is such a bad dog and she was trying to attack her and she shouldn’t act that way when you bring someone in the house and she shouldn’t bark when she is in the cage and there is someone in your house she can see them. Yes she is going to bark and try to get to you she wants to see who you are, yeah she is going to bark at you when your in her house and she is in the cage because she hasn’t got to see who you are or anything about you and now she is locked in a cage your in her house with her family and she don’t know you. She is the same way when we are in the yard and someone walks by but if she gets lose she runs over smells and licks them. Any dog is going to bark and things when you are coming around their property or in their house and they are being restrained from coming up to you but you are coming up on them. Then telling the kids how she is a bad mix of different breeds of “bad” dogs and how we need to get rid of her. How she pee on the carpet and it’s dirty and making the house dirty. I was trying to roll the carpet up and take it out when they came and I will go out and scrub it with cleaner and the hose tomorrow. She would not have pee in the carpet if they had taken her out. She does really good now that she is older and house trained but she still can’t hold it forever and needs to go more often and faster than the other dog they try to put her off as long as they can or until they are forced to take her out. Then she will have accidents. But for the most part she is good about not going in the house.

Then she is asking me what night I want him to “watch” the kids. No not watching them taking them being a dad and doing what he is supposed to do and have the when it is his time. I said I might go out. It was with who and where and I shouldn’t do that and all that goes on these days. On and on she went. Then in a little bit she said something then says so you don’t want him to come and watch them then? I said no I didn’t say that I said I didn’t know I haven’t decided. I haven’t found anyone that don’t have plans or already doing something but I am still trying to decide what I am going to do.

Then she was back on the dog and started about RC and how I never wanted a bull dog until I was with him. How they have these dogs and teach them to be mean and how tough a dog they have. Farthest thing from the truth and she had no clue what she is talking about. yeah he had one but no one was trying to make it mean or anything like that. Far from it he worked and worked with that dog even as good as he was because of the kids and to make sure he was good with them. He worked and got him so that he wouldn’t take food out of your hand and things even from the little kids unless they gave it to him because of my little one when we started going over there. The reason I have a dog with the mix in her is because I didn’t know my dog was in heat she was out and got pregnant. We had already been talking about getting another dog because we had always had two and our other passed the year before. Then we found out she was pregnant I wasn’t going to have this little of puppy’s give them all away or take them to the shelter and dump them like she wanted us to do and then go get another one. She has a littler of puppy’s then keep one. Keeps one more puppy out of the shelter and off the street. Not add to the shelter and then go get another one because it isn’t what you picked. Hell the shelter gave me one that was horrible with my kids after refusing to give me the one that was great with them. It’s all in how they are raised and these three dogs that she is talking about she done said before the owners were mean to them didn’t treat them right and things. Now she says oh they were raised there and been there since they were puppy’s blah blah. One I know they had, had problems with them from the time they got him I don’t know where they got him but he tried attacking a few people then they woke up with him attacking them. It was no surprise and no compairasen to my dogs who I have had the one since birth and know how she has been treated and taken care of and always around my kids. The other I have had sine she was 6 weeks old and know the people I got her from very well. Neither have been miss treated or tried to attack anyone not even her even though she says she does every time she comes over. She is a barker and she is a puppy she is excited to see people when they come over and to get attention.

Then he is texting me after he gets home telling me how worried he is about me and he thinks I need to get checked out and something is wrong. I wasn’t answering him and there was a delay when I was. He thinks there is something wrong from when I wrecked my truck and things. I said no I was answering you but I told you to hold on I was trying to do something and your phone kept cutting in and out. I started ignoring you and went on doing what I was trying to do like I told you I was. I also told you I was fine and that I wasn’t drinking but your just trying to start shit for whatever reason you are. He says I don’t know what you are talking about and I still care about you and this is hard. What was the big deal we came over what are you trying to hide. I said I wasn’t trying to hide anything we were trying to clean up get stuff done here and I have tons of school work to get done it’s 10 something at night, now it is after 1 and nothing had gotten done they haven’t gotten to watch their movies or anything else. He says no you weren’t you were watching movies not doing things. Like he knows what we have been doing or what we are doing. I said no your not here and don’t know we were putting the movie in for the little kids and trying to get stuff done so that I can do my school work and the kids can watch movies too.

They just piss me off, the kids don’t even want to go over there. They want to see him but they don’t want to go stay over there and he isn’t going to keep coming here and hanging out either. He hasn’t been coming over very often at all or calling and I haven’t been contacting him or trying to get a hold of him until the kids wanted to last tonight then he pulls this shit.

Ah she started about my stove and having stuff sitting on it. Someone left the box of ice cream cones on it when we were having ice cream so my house is going to burn down and the kids are going to get stuck in the house. Make sure everything is off of it when we go to bed at night you never know and what might happen.


et cetera
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