{March 19, 2018}   Birthday Weekend

So this was the weekend of March 2, and 3rd. I started this then didn’t get to finish. I have been so busy Its not even funny.


This weekend was the weekend my oldest got her birthday present she has been waiting for. If you remember her birthday is January 30th. She got concert tickets for this past weekend.

The first one was Friday night she has half days that day I let her stay home. We cleaned the truck out, packed the other kids clothes and got ourselves ready. Once the other kids got home we packed them up and took them to my bff’s house. Then we headed out. We had a 100 mile drive ahead of use and got a late start so we hit rush hour traffic.

We got there about an hour before the concert started. We went to the bathroom walked around a little then went in and found our seats. We were a little worried because they were up in the bleachers. But when we went in the other seats were folding chairs on the floor. We were glad we had the ones we did. We could see the stage and the people on it really good.

The show was pretty good, I liked the opening act better than the other. We seen Delyn Scott and Justin Moore. Justin Moore was really good, I would go see him again.

We had talked about sleeping in the truck because we didn’t figure there would be motels. That night we were so cold watching the concert because it was outside. We thought about getting a room but there were none close and they were $100 and up. We decided just to come home sleep, get some warmer clothes and change my shoes. I wore boots but they had a heel and killed my feet with all the walking we did.

We started home and once I got on the highway it was horrible. I could not see the road, i didn’t know what way it curved where it was and the sides of the bridges blinded in with the rest of it. The lines weren’t marked or were wore off, while other areas just had new asfault down. I was so sick, sore and tight by the time we made it home. I just wanted to cry thinking about having to go back and drive home again.

Once I got to lay down I started looking for someone who may want to go with us that could drive back Saturday night when we were done. I couldn’t find anyone. I finally messaged starfish and ask if he was up. He was, It was close to 2 am i didn’t think he would be. I asked if he had to work the next day and he said yes. I said oh okay. He asked why, what was wrong. I told him what happen what I was looking for and said I was going to ask if he wanted to go with us and drive home the that night. He said he didn’t know what time he would be off sometimes at noon but then sometimes 5. I told him if he wanted to go let me know when he got to work if he thought he would be off early and could go he said okay.

I never heard from him the next day, I figured he wasn’t getting off until late or just didn’t want to go. But my friend messaged me the next morning early and said she closed her shop and had bought tickets and wanted to go and ride with us. I asked her if she could drive home she said she could. We got ready and picked her up and went. She decided to drive over so she had the feel of the truck she drives a small car and hadn’t driven a truck in a while and with mine’s quirks we figured it be a good idea. I messaged Starfish and told him we were headed out. I guess he thought I meant was he getting off soon because it was close to noon, he said he was still working. I said okay we found someone to go and drive we are on our way over. He said okay and it was left at that.

Later when I got home and picked the kids up the other guy at the shop lives with my friends family the bosses family and he asked why I went when I couldn’t see to drive home the night before. I said because I had someone to drive us home. He said him and starfish was going to get one of them light bars and put on my truck and point it at the grown so I could see to drive. I thought it was odd that he said they were talking bout it. My friend said yeah starfish something I said oh. We were on our way out it was super late so I didn’t say anything. I got home and messaged my friend and ask her what was said and why at at the shop about it and me talking to starfish? She said he asked her at the shop that day if I called or messaged her the night before that I messaged him having a panic attack about not being able to see and things but never said that I asked him to go with us to drive and that was why I messaged him to start with and told him. She said he wasn’t being mean just talking about how to help out and get it fixed for me. I said I just wondered how him and the other guy came to be talking about it how he knew we had talked about it or what.

Over all it was a good weekend my oldest was very happy with the shows and she got to get her picture taken with Cowboy Troy from Big and Rich. It was a stressful weekend for me with everything going on and money wise but I am happy she had a good time and we were able to do it. I would like to take the kids next year but it is something that we could walk in and walk out spending $300 or $400 or more easy with all the food, games, vendors, rides, shows, and everything else they offer.

Excited she got a t shirt from the Big and Rich show and it was a baseball type shirt. She said they had random numbers on the back, the lady just gave her one in her size and when she got it, hers had the number 14 on the back. We went for her 14 th birthday. I am glad it is over and will plan better next time around for sure.


{May 10, 2016}   Lasting Effects of Loss

I am about to lose my mind with all the junk around the house and not being able to get rid of any of it. I use to be able to tell the kids lets clean out get rid of anything we don’t use, don’t need or that’s broken and they would go to work going through their toys and room. I go through the rest of the house. The last few weeks I have been trying to do this and clean off the carport and laundry room cleaned up. I want everything organized before classes started. But my baby boy gets so upset and freaks out if I try to get rid of anything be it his or someone else. I cries and acts like you have attacked him or something. The other week I went through my little ones room and took her stuff because she wouldn’t pick it up. He was on his knees begging me to not get rid of it he would clean her room as soon as he was done with his. I tried to put a wagon thing to the road because it wasn’t what I thought I was getting when I bought it and we have not found a use for it. He started crying and drug it back up to the house from the road. I really don’t know what to do for him or with him.

As most of you know we lost my dad very unexpected and quick last year. We found out New years day he had cancer wasn’t treatable and was given 6 months. He passed the Feb 8. My little one had a very hard time with Grandpa being sick. He was very emotional, angry, and aggressive at the time. When he passed he seemed to be back to his normal self. It was like flipping a switch when we found out he got that way and after he passed it was like someone flipped the switch and he was back to his sweet loving self.

Until now, and I didn’t think one had to do with the other at first but then I started noticing that after he would get all upset about someone trying to get rid of stuff once he calmed down he would come up out of the blue and start talking about Grandpa and how he misses him and things. Him and his brother went in their room and his brother was trying to get rid of stuff another time and he started asking if grandpa go him that and things. Even if I tell him Grandpa didn’t get it for him he still can’t let it go and get rid of it.

I have never gotten rid of their stuff without them knowing and them having in put on what is gotten rid of. I don’t want to start now and don’t think that is going to make things any better just worse. But I need to be able to get rid of my stuff and the other kids need to be able to get rid of their stuff without him having a break down over it. He needs to be able to get rid of his things that no longer fit are broken or just not used and taking up room. I don’t know what to do for him or how to help him. I tried asking the therapist that my older son sees but she had no answers and wasn’t sure what to do or how to help him either. I guess I am going to have to take him in to see the doctor and see what she says and who she feels he should see or talk to. He can’t turn into a hoarder, my Grandpa on my moms side is and it is horrid.

Father of the year took the kids last night and let them stay with him. I decided to go shopping today for a desk. I left my house and drove about 20 miles I went through the drive through to get something to eat quick then went on to the store. I parked and went in and looked around. I ended up buying a bunch of books. I didn’t have enough $1 bills in my pocket I knew I had some in the truck so I went and got them. I went paid for my stuff came out and got in the truck. I don’t know why but I got in on my side and then reach across and put the bag of books into the passenger side floor. I caught something out of the corner of my eye on the win-shield and side of the truck up at about the curved part of the door. I thought at first it was a lizard. I noticed it looked really long and not the right color. I got out and went to the front of the truck to inspect. Staying on my side of the truck and a ways back because now it is clicking what it probably is. Sure enough there was a snake up in the door of the truck. The head and tail were sticking out the middle was down in the door of my truck.

I about loss it. I don’t know what it is I have had this horrible fear of snakes all my life. I would rather wake up in the night to someone in my house than be near a snake. One in my house or truck like that one is even worse. I almost had a panic attack. I walked back in the store and up to the two ladies at the counter. I asked them if they had any men working there? They said yes I asked if one could help me for a minute. They wanted to know why I told them. They came out to look at it they couldn’t believe it was on my truck.

Then the one lady comes over to me and says I can get it off but it might scratch your paint. I said ok. Then she looks at it some more comes back over to me telling me she can get it off but it may scratch the paint again. I said ok she said is that ok? I said I don’t care what you have to do just get it off my truck. I don’t want it getting inside. If she said she could get it but had to take the door off and keep it I would have told her do it. I said scratch in the paint it better than setting it on fire. What I was ready to do. If no one had gotten it or helped me I would have walked all the way back to my house the 20 miles or more. They could have towed my truck or whatever they wanted to do with it.


She went inside got a pair of hedge clippers and a plastic bag and came back out. We are all standing around looking at it I am trying not to have a full blown panic attack. All I could think was there is a snake in my truck and there could be more. I have to drive this home. This truck pulled up with a guy in it next to mine. He got out looked to see what we were all looking at. I said can you help her get that off my truck please. All the while standing about 5 cars away from it. She started trying to get it with the clippers he started striking at them. After a couple minutes she got it. It cut in half she had it holding it with the clippers it was still trying to strike. The guy got something out of his truck and killed it. Then I had to go unlock the truck and open the door to get the other half out. It fell down on my running board. The lady picked it up put it in the bag and took towels and wiped all the nasty off the door of the truck. I most have told her thank you about a million times. Then stood in the parking lot forever before I could get the nerve to get in it and drive it home. I had to look under my seat and floor matt before I did. Then I flew all the way back toward home praying all the way that no more came out and got on me. I went to my friends barber shop she was supposed to do my hair yesterday I didn’t make it. I was planing to go today see if she had time if she could do it. I figured there are always a bunch of guys in there and she is good friends with a lot of them I would ask one to help me look through the truck and under it to see if we seen anything else. Only to find she was closed. I had no one else to call I was still scared to get back in the truck. I figured if more were in it I made them mad by now with the drive they be moving around. I called father of the year since I wasn’t that far away from them. He was across town picking up parts for my moms truck he is helping her with. I told him when he came by to stop and check it. He did and said he didn’t see anything. There was a guy at another store I go to right there he came out and looked around too. He said he didn’t think anything else was in there either he looked around.

If that thing had crawled on me while I was driving or gotten close to me I would have wrecked my truck. There is no way I wouldn’t have. We figured out he must have gotten in it out of the tree at my house why it was sitting there over night and been somewhere in the truck why I was driving it up to the store all that way. Because I got in it and drove it straight there only going through the drive through. There was no trees grass or anything around there and there wasn’t at the store either. Just big parking lot. Where he was on my truck no longer than I had been parked there it is unlikely that it had time even if it had been in the parking lot to get up my truck all the way up there and down in the door like that.

One lady said it was a pygmy rattler the guy insist it was a copperhead. All I know is that it was light colored or white on the underside and had circles with black lines in them on the top and another design in black Gray and tan. I can’t remember really what it looked like and the markings. Because like I said all I could think is there is a snake getting in or out of my truck and it’s alive, there maybe more I have to drive it. All I could think. I couldn’t even get any closer to get a picture.

Buy my dad said before that pygmy live in the top of palm trees. There are two palm trees they planted right on the edge of the driveway. We are always cutting the branches off because they grow over scratch the truck. It sits so close I have to park over a little anyway so we can open the door. It’s branches are just over the edge of my door on that side. I am calling my dads friend who has a tree service and asking what he would charge me to just cut the top off so it don’t have any more branches and make sure there are none in there. hopefully make it so they can’t live in it any more. I am sure I will have nightmares tonight.

et cetera
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