{August 13, 2019}   A Camping We Shall Go

My Little Guy’s birthday is in a month. He wants nothing more than to go camping for his birthday. I am looking all over to try and find somewhere to go for a weekend Friday night to Sunday and everything is booked. All I can find is Sunday night to when ever during the week. I can’t take off work and he can’t take off school. I already have to take off work Friday in order to go but I can’t take off two or three days. We are coming into months where I will be missing a lot of work.

I was already looking at the calendar today trying to figure out if I could afford to take off the week of Christmas or even 3 days that week.  We will be closed the day before the day of, then my birthday is the day after. That is Tuesday through Thursday. Meaning I would work Monday and Friday. Or Monday, Thursday, Friday.

He wants to go camping in the woods in tents, no phones, electric or anything else. Cut tress to have a fire to cook on and logs to sit on. I hate to burst his bubble but I can’t do that. We will have to have air mattress because I can’t sleep on the ground.

At this point I am thinking about trying to find someone we know with property that we can pitch a tent and have a fire. Be able to take the dogs as well maybe to make things a little easier or harder I don’t know. Easier in the way I won’t have to board them harder in the way of they just are a pain and have to be on chains and everything and can get off them.

I am going to have to see what I can figure out he has been talking about this camping trip for months now. I don’t want to disappoint him over something so simple.


{October 25, 2018}   Yesterday 10/25/18

Yesterday would of been my daddy’s 66th birthday. I can not believe I have been 3 years without him. I miss him just as if it was last week. We didn’t do much, me and oldest went to the store late the night before (Tuesday) and after being in there only a matter of minutes I was so sick. My head was hurting so bad the lights driving home hurt my eyes. The light from my phone was horrible and if I tried to scroll up and down or side to side anything I couldn’t stand it, I had to close my eye. I went straight to bed.

When I got up the next moring to get the little ones ready for school it was still hurting. Not as bad but still pretty bad. I had oldest walk them over let them get breakfast and take them to class and mostly just slept for the day. It finally went away.

I have no idea what broughtbit on so fast and so bad. I didn’t notice a smell or sound in the store and oldest said she felt fine. It was odd.

After I picked the kids up at school I took them to the park for a while. We ended up being there for 2 hours or more. We went and explored a park we had never been to. It was nice and fun.

There was a trail to walk that goes out to big ponds with little docks and there was two areas to bring dogs too. One had a big fence the other has a lower fence. I would have to take my to crazy beast in the one with the higher fence so they do not jump out and run away. They also had some great places to take pictures of the kids. I think I took a few hundred shots why we were there. Some posed some just random.

My little guy decided to climb the tree he got about halfway up and got scared. The older kids had to get him down because he was over our heads and they are taller. In a little bit he decided to try again. He got a little higher and came down. He kept going back trying again and a again. Me and the girld went back over to the park the boys stayed by the water and the trees. In a little bit I hear mommy come look!!

I turn around and look and I can see him in the top of the tree out on a branch sitting like he is riding a horse and holding onto another playing with it. I ran over and took pictures. I had the other kids stand under the tree look up so you can see how high up he was. He thought it was great I am just thinking how is he going to get down? In a minute I started taking pictures of the other kids there doing something and he comes running up. In like a minute or so he was down. He climbed it a few times he is so proud of himself. I am to overcoming his fear that fast and how fast he gets up there and down wow.

I told him he takes after his Grandpa, he was a tree climber and cutter most my life. He worked for the power company here keeping the trees out of the powerlines or getting them out. He did a lot of side jobs when I was little as well and we would help him.

Boy I sure miss my dad its just this empty spot something is missing.

{October 10, 2018}   A Nice Day Out

I almost feel guilty enjoying the nice weather we are having. Because we are only having suck nice weather because the Golf Coast and Panhandle are getting hit by this huge hurricane right now. While they are all huddled in shelters, motels or other places away from their homes being blown around and poured on by this storm me and the kids are at the park enjoying the nice breeze and a break from the 100 degree weather. While it is nice out it is an eerie feeling to the day.

I wonder what the weather is going to be like at work seeing we are on the beach. Seeing as we are on the other coast it shouldn’t be to different. Thinking about it i am closer to the storm and it’s outer bands than they are. Going to work I will be further from it than I am now. So it will probably be just another day.

{March 18, 2017}   Praise Fest 2017

When I was taking the kids to therapy this week I seen a sign saying that our downtown area is holding a praise fest today. They have a bunch of bands from the local churches who come out and sing at the big outdoor amphitheater in the park by the river. It’s free to get in and they are also going to have a bunch of things for the kids to do like bounce house, rock wall, face painting and things like that. It is from 11 to 7 tonight. I think we are going to go down there for a while and hang out, listen to the bands and let the kids play. I wanted to go when it started but we slept in. We are doing laundry and the kids are doing their chores. I am starting to think that maybe later in the afternoon early evening will be better. There is a guy at the end I want to see anyway I know all day will be to much for my little ones. I think we will do what needs to be done around here then eat dinner early and then go. I think we are just going to have left overs from the last couple nights to get them out of there and make it fast and easy. They can eat some more or a sandwich when we get back if they want something else.

I am hoping that this will put me in a better mood and get me out of this pissed off/depressed mood I have been in the last few days. I don’t know haven’t been taking my medication either I have to start it again. I don’t know what it is I just forget or get busy and don’t think about it. I have to get better about taking it. I don’t know why I find it so hard to remember to take it but I do. I need to take it in the morning when I get up and in the evening when I got to bed. I don’t remember it half the time until I am already gone out of the house or about to fall a sleep if I remember it at all. But I don’t even know if it can get me out of this mood I am in.

{November 25, 2016}   Our Thanksgiving Day

Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We went out to dinner as I said in my other post. We were supposed to go when they opened so that we could get in and not have to wait forever. Well of course that didn’t happen with my mom. I think I finally ended up leaving and getting to the place about 130 pm. They put us on the list and said it was a 3 HOUR wait. The only other place close by said a 45 but no one wanted to go there. After about 45 minutes or so I went back they said it was an hour wait. I don’t know how it went from 3 hours to 45 minutes. In the mean time I am talking to everyone else who is taking their sweet ass time to get there. We got out of the truck and decided to go wait inside for our table. No sooner than we got to the building they were calling us. We went in to sit down and hey had us at two different tables one behind the other. That would have left me and the kids sitting alone why the rest of them ate together. I didn’t want that because the kids wanted to eat with their cousins, their dad and grandma. I ask if we could turn them around and push them together. They said no we couldn’t. I ask her if they had somewhere we could push the tables together. They didn’t at the moment. She said they could put us on the list and as soon as they had something come up they could put together they would let us know but it would probably be an hour. That was fine because I figured it would take the rest that long to get there. It was a matter of minutes and they were calling us back in.

We ended up sitting there forever waiting on them to come. I finally ordered the kids food right after they got it they showed up. We all finally ordered and ate. When we left there the kids wanted to go to the park so we did. The rest of them had to pee so they had to stop at their house on the way to the park instead of using the bathroom at the park. It was about dark when we got there, I got the kids out and we played at the park for a while. Father of the year and my mom came up, my sister decided to stay home because it was getting dark. They played in the park and then we went and walked around by the water and came home.

It was nice to not have to worry about who was cooking what and who’s house we are going to have it. Not haven’t to worry about my mom and all her ocd’s and don’t do this don’t do that, do this and do that’s. I was surprised she wasn’t worse when we were at the park or the restaurant eating. Although part of what took so long was she had to wash her truck down with bleach water because it had something on it. So they were washing the door handles, gearshift and all that kind of stuff.

Now we are home, the little kids are in bed and me and my oldest are staying up to see the 4 new shows of Gilmore Girls. I am starting to think this may not have been such a good idea. I agreed to this because I thought it would be on at midnight. Well it is on at midnight but not until midnight pacific time not our time. That means 3 am here. Then it is 4 shows that are 90 minutes long. I will not be in bed until after day light. The two little ones will have a full nights sleep on me. We still have another hour before it even starts. At midnight we started watching the last 6 shows of the last seasons. The dogs are ass-wholes if I haven’t said it before they just shit in the floor, didn’t ask to go out or anything just shit. I don’t know what has gotten into them lately.

I have so much crap that needs done around my house and no energy to do it. I have been sleeping a little more but mostly in the day time after I take my little one to school. I hate it because the other kids sleep too. I really don’t want to but I am just so tired I can’t help it I can’t hold my eyes open. Normally I would clean at night but I have been sleeping so very little I’m exhausted at night and just lay in bed watching the Losers with my little one hoping to sleep but I don’t. Maybe an hour before I have to get the other one off to school.

Both my boys go to see the therapist now. But she only had openings on Wednesday and Thursday. Not a big deal since I am down that way everyday to take my Little Guy to school and pick him up. My Big Boy goes at 3 on Thursday has for a while now, Little Guy goes at 4:30 Wednesday. I feel so stupid, I told my mom I couldn’t take her where she needed to go because I would not be done in time to pick my little guy up and get there.

I only slept a hour Tuesday night, I dropped Little Guy off at school and came home laid down a little bit. I slept about a hour got everyone up ready and went to check out schools. I said if we leave by 12 or a little before we can go from the school to pick the little one up then go to therapy. We left the school and had a little bit of time. I decided to check on another one then go get him. I picked him up and stopped to get gas and the kids a drink. It was so hot and we had been out a few hours by then and was going to be out a few more. It is only about a 15 minute trip from school to therapy. But then when we get to therapy finding a parking place is not always easy. Sometimes I have to circle a few times to find one. It is in the down town historical area. When we do find one we have to walk a few blocks to get to the office. I seen that with traffic and having to park we were going to be a few minutes late. It really isn’t a big deal because she runs over anyway most the time. Its like be here at 3 but 3:05 or 3:10 is fine too. It’s how it is when your working with kids and ones with special needs. It works for everyone. Anyway, I text her and said on the island will be a little late but on the way. I like to tell her even though it isn’t a big deal. This way if she don’t have someone she isn’t wondering if we are coming.

I did not look at her reply, didn’t notice she did until we were walking in the office. I just seen it said 30. I thought great we aren’t late I messed up. We had like 20 minutes or more I took the kids to the part. I let them play a little bit. I seen it was few minutes til 3:30 I got them together and went back. We get up there and these kids walk out and are was so tired I didn’t even notice who they were. We all pass coming and going, I thought oh they are new, they aren’t here at this time most the time, maybe the swapped times for the day. About that time the mom walked out it clicked who it was. It was my Little Bitty’s brothers and their mom. The therapist was standing there going your not supposed to be here your not supposed to be here until 4:30 today. I just looked at her like she had three heads. It was about 20 to 4 she said her others weren’t there so we could see if they showed up. Of course they did. I just looked at her and said lets just forget  it and start over tomorrow. She just looked at me and laughed said ok. Then she stop me and ask me about schools. I think she was just trying to stall until they got gone but then one of the boys came in and wanted the key to the bathroom. We talked a minute and we went on. I don’t know if they were gone or if they were still in the bathroom. I really didn’t even care at that point I was so hot from walking back and forth in the heat and standing out in it while the kids played. The thought of going to sit out there another 45 minutes walking over there and back and back up the stairs there was to much. It’s like a 100 year old building with these horrible 100 year old wood funky steps. I have just about fell down them a few times and i think all the kids have in someway shape or form. Not like rolled down them but tripped stumbled fell straight down on them.

I had my oldest with me I was shocked she didn’t say anything to the kids or about who it was once we left but she didn’t. Today it came up and I told her I didn’t even know who they were at first and I had no clue they were there. She said yeah I put a client between you all so I didn’t have you both here at the same time. My oldest said yeah I was like WHAT when I seen them walk out yesterday. She didn’t know anything about them being there because she wasn’t with us and I hadn’t said anything to her or anything. I think she is afraid that if she see’s me she is going to figure out at some point who I am and that she may start something. I told her long ago I had no problems with her that I had thought about contacting her but wasn’t sure how she would respond. That I wouldn’t start anything there and with the kids. She knows but I think she isn’t sure how she is going to respond. But like she said before she don’t even know my name or anything. All she really knows is hear say from what her mom told her. Whatever the boys said. I don’t think the boys have said anything bad other than they got in trouble for not listening and acting wild.

I just can’t believe that I did that and not only messed up once with the time but twice with it, with in no time at all.

The therapist said her husband said something about her being home early. She said yeah she got there really early then came back in a little bit and it was still early. She said she told him I had all the kids with me, I looked frazzled and just had that look. She said she told him you know that look I get when I’m just done and that’s it. He said OH that look yeah probably better to skip it for the day. I wouldn’t not have skipped it but I knew that she had no one after us and that she could leave and go home. If she had people coming after us and was going to sit an hour just waiting then I would have went back to the part and waited or sat there and waited.

We never miss and if we have to I let her know a week or two before most the time. If not at least a few days. There was one time we didn’t show and I didn’t call her she waited because I got stuck in a test for school. I couldn’t leave to call her or take him. There was once I was having a day about like Wednesday but we hadn’t even gotten out of the house that day and it had been two or three days like that not just one. I text her that morning and said it’s a day a really bad day and we are not coming. Everything is fine everyone is fine but getting there just isn’t going to happen today. There has been times she has text and ask if we can change days or times with another family because they can’t make it at their normal time but can at ours. Sine we have been homeschooling she knows we are really flexible to when we can come in vs kids in school. I don’t mind because she will change things for us if she needs to or if something like the other day happens she don’t flip and you missed if you miss any more or you have to pay a big fee and things. We all work around each other. She has worked with my Big Boy since he was 2 years old so she knows us really well it’s more like friends or family. She says all the time she wish that her son and mine could play together because they get along so well. They use to go to school together so they know each other and were friends. But with him seeing her and things she can’t set up get together s and things.

I want to go to bed earlier it don’t have to even be earlier if I could just go to bed when I normally do and sleep not just lay there up all night would be great. I can stay up until 2 even 3 am then sleep until 7/7:30 and go for the day when I really go to sleep. It don’t bother me. I want to start getting up earlier and try to get the kids on a better sleep times. They are starting school in a few weeks and have to start getting up early and not able to come home and go back to bed in a little bit. I don’t want to be so tired all I do is come home and go to sleep why they are at school either. My goal once they all get back in school is to drop them all off at school, then hit one of the gyms for at least an hour, then come home get cleaned up work on my work for school, do my shopping, go to appointments or whatever I need to do. Then go get them come home have dinner, spend some time with the kids get them ready and in bed. Spend some time doing more work, writing here or just relax a little and go to bed. But the way I feel and things right now I can’t help but lay down and go back to sleep. I try to stay up so I will be sleepy at night, I’m so drained I just sit on the couch and fight to hold my eyes open and think about all the things I should be or need to be doing until I lose the fight and I wake up and it’s an hour or two later. So I just go lay down in my bed so that at least I get some sleep, I’m not hurting from sleeping bunched up on the couch and if I’m not going to be up cleaning I may as well sleep than just sit there doing nothing other than thinking about it all.

It’s after 3:30 and I have to have my boy to school by 8 then pick up a friend and run around to schools to turn in paperwork, get paper work to go with it and everything. I still have to turn in my childcare paperwork because even though I went and got it with in hours of them calling I still haven’t gotten it done either and it has to get in this week only a few days left to get it in. I feel tired but am wide awake can’t sleep.


{March 27, 2015}   We’ll Call It A Good Day

The home school group we meet up with and do things with sometimes had a park day today. They do them at least every two weeks and every week when it is nice out. We hadn’t been in a while with the holidays and everything we had going on. I thought of it the other day and decided to ask when the next one was. The one mom I met there said it was today. I really wanted to go until this morning. I just felt so tired and not like doing anything at all. I finally prided myself up about 45 minutes before we were supposed to be there and got everyone else up and ready and we went. Amazingly we stopped grabbed lunch and got gas and was only 5 minutes late getting there. They meet at one every one gets there as close to that as they can so not really late, but I figured we wouldn’t get there until at least 1:30.

I figured we would stay an hour or so and leave I wasn’t feeling like chasing the baby around or being out there in the heat forever. But I had told my little guy that we would go to the park today I knew he would be asking later. 6 1/2 hours later we left and came home.

There was the lady I know and her daughter there when we got there and two boys they picked up we had met before on a trip. Then a little while later another family came. My kids had a blast. there ended up being 6 boys and 6 girls of all ages.

The boys went and walked the trails and ran all over. The girls kidnapped my little bitty and I hardly seen her why we were there. They played with her and passed her around like a doll. Surprisingly enough she didn’t mind and had a blast as well. She I think was just enjoying all the little girls to play with.

We all kept saying we had to go and then just kept talking and talking. Then we got up to go and decided to take all the kids and walk the trails. After that we ended up back at the tables talking the kids back out playing. We finally had to pry them a way so we could get them home give them dinner and baths before it got late.

I am really glad that I did get up and go my kids had so much fun and It helped me a lot to just get out and talk to others about things other than the same old stuff that’s going on. We talked about how things have been going the last month they said the same thing the kids need time to cope and process things as well that we been doing the right things.

I did find out that it is going to cost me more than I thought for the classes I want to put the kids in next year. It is twice what I thought it would be. I am going to go to and informational meeting at the park next Thursday about it and to a open house next Tuesday. This way I can check it out see how it all works and make sure it is what I want.  Reading about it I think it is I just want to really see how it all works see how my kids do. It will be nice because they go over most everything there once a week in classes then you go over it more at home. I also have some math and other things picked out to work more one on one with them at home. Just to fill in the gaps and things they have to make things easier. She did say that I could set up a payment plan and pay it off that way. I have 3 that will be in the classes. I am hoping that my big boys scholarship will pick up and start paying for it as they pay for the books and things for the program but have denied peoples claims for the program. What good is the supplies if your not going to cover the program really. I hope my oldest likes it as she is talking about wanting to go back to school because she is listening to father of the year and my mother about how they aren’t sitting down with their nose in books for 8 hours a day and doing tons of workbook pages they must not be learning anything. Just because they aren’t doing tons of workbook pages or book reports on every book they read don’t mean they aren’t learning anything.

My oldest will read 20 to 30 god size books in a week. She is only 12, she remembers what she read and she can explain what she read and understands it all. If she can sit there and tell me the book chapter for chapter why do I need to make her sit down and write a book report? I don’t want to make her not want to read because she is going to have to do a written report. I want her to want to read and keep learning and enjoy reading. My son is the same way he don’t read as quick as her it takes him a few days to a week to finish a book but he can tell you cover to cover what it is about and everything you want to know. They both are always asking me why is this, why is that, how dose this work or what is this like. I tell them what I know then I tell them go look it up on line and go find some books to read about it. They will and they will research it for a day or two or a week until they have their questions answered. They will read something and come tell me did you know this or that about such and such. They look something up and they are right back it says this and about it how is that or do you really think it is that way. They will research to see if it really was or how it is. If I made them sit down and write about all they find they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t want to look stuff up. I hated having to research stuff and writing reports in school. It got to where I read the first chapter or two then one or two in the middle and the last chapter of books. That way I had idea of what the book was about what happen and how it ended so I could write the report. If I needed to make since out of something I would read few pages to figure it out and keep moving. Because we weren’t allowed to read just for enjoyment or read and go over it in class we had to write this report. They started their blogs, well made their blogs to keep track of the things we did for school. I did tell them when we started really working with them they could write reviews about their books they read on there for a post and maybe have discussion about it with others who have read it. They thought that was a good idea. Even if they just write a review of it and post it will help get people to look at their blogs and build followers. But even though don’t need to be on every book they read. I’m ok with their review they give me and I would like them to start keeping a list of all the books they finish just so that I do have it for my records in case I ever need it and so I can see what they are reading and like what books we have and don’t have. That way when I go to book sales and I’m out other places I can see what we have what is in line with other stuff they are reading they might be interested in.

But over all I got out of bed and got out of the house and did something I haven’t done in a while. I am happy about. It wasn’t easy but I did it. I also went to bible study at church last night as well. Two out of two I think I am doing pretty good. Because I really didn’t have to do either one. The house was in pretty decent shape when the therapist came this week as well. Didn’t look like a tornado went through or cluttered mess everywhere. Slowly but surely this too I will get through.


et cetera
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