{July 15, 2018}   Listed My Truck

I listed my truck on craiglist last night or early this morning. Sometime in the middle of the night. By 10 I have had 3 or 4 people asking about it. I replied to one so far.

My add listed all the new stuff and tires and that it needs some work. If you can do the work yourself it be great truck consider trades and/or cash. The one I replied back to offered a 04 explorer and some cash. I didn’t ask how much cash. I told them I was looking for an Expedition. They said the explorer has the 3.0 motor so that is a plus for it. But it is small and I don’t know about putting me and 4 kids in it. I said I would have to think about it and see what other offers I got.

I can’t bring myself to answer the rest because I don’t want to have to sit here and go back and forth with people over why I will not give my truck away. And that yes it needs work but over all its still worth more than $1000 or two. I don’t know what to even start at I want to be fair but I don’t want to lowball myself or put myself in a spot of getting nothing after going back and forth.

The more I think about it I think I am going to meet with the ownere tomorrow explain what is going on and ask to borrow the $230 for parts that I need. Explain that I can start paying it back in a few weeks. See if he can help me. I think if I have someone to put them in he will. My “friend” said he could do it in a couple hours probably if we didn’t run into any problems but that he is trying to get his truck going so he might be able to do it. I am going to have to see if I can line someone else up incase he can’t and see what happens. I think owner will because he offered to help me buy a car. But I can not lock myself into paying off a car. But $230 i am okay with.

I went to check on a job today thinking it was right by my house but it wasn’t. It is at another store they have. So I figure that if I get it fixed i would try and get that job work the two and then I could pay it off a lot faster. Just to find someone that says they could put them in when I get them. As I cant be with no ride for days and weeks once i have the parts if my boss is paying so I can get to and from work.

{June 29, 2018}   Starting To Get To Me

Not having my truck is really starting to get to me. I need to go see about a loan to take care of things. I need to get my check, go to the other bank, and go pay on my guns. I also have somewhere to go tomorrow. But can’t do any of it. I have no idea how I will get to and from work tomorrow or Sunday or anything else at this point either. This really sucks.

I do not even know how I feel about it being broken over all. I mean I care I don’t have a ride but other than that I don’t really feel anything about it all. I kind of feel a peace about it all and oh well. I haven’t been trying to figure out how to fix it, or stressing over getting it fixed or anything like that. It’s almost as if it isn’t even there. Idon’t know why I feel that way. Maybe subconsciously I am just glad to not be dealing with it and figuring out what it needs or trying to make it last. Maybe because I just feel this is the time to just move on and my chance. I never wanted that truck. I wanted one like it but not that one. I was forced into that one by Peter Pan. Maybe I just feel now is my chance to be done with anything that had to do with him. I want to start new and fresh start there.

I just pray I am able to work something out. I don’t know what or how but I have to work out a ride some way.

I wonder what I could trade it for? Instead of selling it list it to trade. Or list for trade or sell. Hum…….

{June 21, 2018}   Not Sure What They Done

While I was waiting on it to stop raining boss text and said that my truck was done. I had ask if the other guy said what was wrong with it why I was waiting since I had not heard. All he said was they were working on it they would let me know when it was done. Then in a bit said it was.

Once it stopped raining I walked up and picked it up. It was closer than I thought it was. According to google maps so it could be wrong. I know it was other places I went. But it is only about 1.8 miles from my house. I really thought it would be closer to 3. Not complaining for sure. I left my house at 2:40 and got there at 3:15.

Boss wasn’t there the other two guys were. I ask what they did to it the one didn’t really say anything. The other that said they needed tl bypass the heatercore said didn’t want to answer either when he got back in there. He said the hearter core and bypassing it. I said but would that cause it to do what it was doing? And such a puddle all at once? He just said it’s fixed don’t worry about it. I said so how much was it to do that or what? He said did boss tell you a price? I said no. he said then just take it don’t worry about it. Later boss text me and said no charge for what they did. I told him thank you. So I don’t know if that is all it really was or if they got parts and put on it. I know before I left it for them to put breaks on and starfish told me later that they had ordered the others I had not gotten and put them on too. I had bought front I guess it needed back as well and boss just got them and had him put them on. I was short on money then too. I’m not going say anything whatever they done I am very thankful for because my truck is my life line.


Guess I am going to walk up there and see what I can findout about my truck since I have still heard nothing about it. I am guessinng they aren’t going to mess with it. But they could just say that instead of letting the day waste and me wait. I could be looking to see what I can findout or trying to find someone to help me.

Its so freaken hot out and its probably two to three miles away. I don’t mind walking or walking that far, but when it is this hot out it kills me. I need something to drink so have to go out anyway. I want a shower but figure no use until I get back. By the time I get a block or two up the road you wont beable to tell I even had one. I just like to get one when I get up.

More worried about how to get this truck done or to and from everywhere I got to go if I can’t. Work is 25 minute drive each way. Hard to get rides out there. Very hard to get rides back the hours I get off and not knowing for sure what time I will get off. No one works with me at night so can’t ask them. Such a mess.


{June 4, 2018}   They Don’t Care

After hanging on forever and getting no where I spent more gas to go down there and talk to them. I told them I have been working my butt off trying to come up with the money. That all I have right now is $100 that I could give them. That I lost a job but was finally able to get extra hours at my other job. But this week things would finally start to catch up and I would be able to make payments and get caught up.

They said we can’t help you and break it up into payments. The only time we do that is of you had a leak. Leak or no leak i have the bill and am trying to pay you, you should be happy. She said did you go here or there for help? I said yes and told them what they said. She said well just set it up and go talk to them. I said but if it isn’t paid tomorrow it goes off they can’t talk to me or take my stuff for a week or more it is going to go off. She said they should help you get it back on. Yeah okay thanks my kids will love not having water for weeks in the middle of the Summer or anytime really I am sure.

I am so done, what is the point in being here and even trying just to stay stuck in a rut and if you are trying to get out no one cares or willing to work with you? Over being here at all doing this. Just done with life and living it.

And someone tried to pay them and they refused the money. But then turn around and tell me to go to these places to get them to pay it. What is the difference if one od these places pay it or someone just walks in and wants to pay it.

As bad as the bank telling me they have to have a money order in order for me to put money into someone else account.

Oh and my tire was almost flat this morning a guy at the gas pump told me and put air in it. It is the tire that was down in the ditch but he also found a nail in it as well. I can’t catch a break. I think that did do something to my truck under there it seems funny now that I have been driving it.

I am still waiting on my good friend to get it in and look at it and fix it. I am going to try to take it to this place that says they do work on cars for people free we will see. I hate taking it somewhere like that but i don’t know what to do at this point.

My good friend keeps saying its just life you pick up and keep going. Like i told him its not just life when i have no way to take care of things when they happen. My truck is falling down, my water is going off and I can’t find a job that pays decent. I have no help what so ever from anyone at all with anything. I know he is trying to help and tired of hearing me i am tired of hearing myself. But im so tired fed up. I never have time for myself and no one and no help. All i hear every day is how bad i am doing how horrible i am and how bad everything i do is how horrible my kids lives are. I am tired of having no support no help no one who cares. So over being her fighting trying give up.

{May 23, 2018}   Hope After All

Thank God we have an oil cooler. I was able to meet up with my good friend today and he found the oil cooler. It is under the truck with the felter. It is over twice as much at the parts store so he is ordering it and it should be here by Friday.

But he still says I need to get it up for sale and sell it quick. Because of all the oil ran through the cooling system it is going to cause seals and things to start leaking.

He says that if I sell it and have money in hand he can find me something decent the same day. But what he is talking about is a car or mini van or whatever. I really need something with more room. I am willing to go back down to a Expedition for a while. I will lose some space but still have room.

I just have to have something lined up and money to pay everything when I sell this one.

{May 19, 2018}   A Little Help

My truck is messed up again. I wish I had never bought this truck. But if I hadn’t I wouldn’t of gotten one because Father of The Year had the money. This is the one he bought. I told him we needed to wait look at others but no it had to be this one.

Now my water has oil in it but I can’t get anyone to look at it. My Good Friend was going to yesterday but had to work both jobs and got into an accident. He is working today until 5 and hurt from yesterday. I don’t think he is going to get to mess with it. I had to tell them I couldn’t do pizza’s tonight because of it. I really needed that money. Even more now that I have to figure out how to get the truck fixed.

I talked to Starfish some today. He said he was off until Monday. He was looking to get out of the house because of his moms old man bitching. We talked a bit I asked him if he could look at it try help me see what was wrong maybe fix it. He said yes but I am not counting on it. I ask him when he said he didn’t know he let me know. I told him I bring it to him or whatever just to let me know. It was about 11 something then. I was hoping maybe we could figure it out and fix it before this evening i could work. But I don’t know what he has going on or what. I know he probably don’t want to mess with it. We don’t really have tools or a place to do it. If the bitch wasn’t here I tell him he could stay here the weekend.

I am still sick, kids are sick. Was up at 3 something with one puking all over my couch. Her bitching when it has nothing to do with her. I just want her out of my house its about to get nasty.

She bitches its not clean enough nothing anyone does is right, everything needs done different or replaced. But again why couldn’t she eat and things at my sisters or her friends when she was there? I have let things go since she has been here because I am tired of her standing gaurd trying tell you how to do everything to do it 10 times or it isn’t clean. I just don’t care with her here hopes she leave but she don’t.

{April 16, 2017}   Partly Put Together

Today Father of the Year came over and put the grill support on and the headlights in. I went Easter shopping for the kids while he was doing it. I get home he dropped one of my new headlights on the grown and scuffed up the plastic front. I was so mad. He said he put the support on and put them on the truck and was bolting everything in. Who puts a headlight in, doesn’t bolt it down and walks off to shake the truck around and bold the other one and other things in? That is what he done stuck them both in the spots where they went and then started bolting the one in instead of doing one then putting the other one up there. I told him it better work or he would be buying them I was not paying for them if he broke it.

I got different ones than what was in there because the old ones didn’t look right with the grill that is on it. They look really nice in there. I think once I can finally get the bumper I want it should look really good. The bumper is black as well. I was hoping it would look better than it has been when I got the lights in at least but it don’t really look any better. It does but not all that much. The way the trucks sit and how big they are I guess the bumper sits really high up the front, it seems like then it has all that plastic crap around the bottom of it that hangs down about another foot or two from the bumper. I don’t like the plastic on there and from what I can tell with the bumper I want it don’t have that. But with no bumper or that plastic stuff it looks like way more than the bumper and that plastic is missing when that is really all that is missing. Once the bumper is on it looks normal and not like anything is missing. I have to get a job soon I just needed to wait until I got the lights because all that I know about I could probably walk in and get right now but they want you at night and in the day. The one I want pays $12 and hour to start and up depending on the position you get. I think I just like to be a cashier and be done, I don’t want to take on more stress than I have to at a job since I am going to be going to school too. One of the other positions would pay more and let me have more left at the end of the month but as long as I can pay the bills and things I am good. I am going to ask about the others then decide. I think I could get any one of of them it’s do I want them, is all the extra involved worth the extra in pay? Or doing the other with less stress and less pay really the one that pays more since it isn’t as stressful and paying more than other places for the same job. I guess I will have to check them all out good and see.

{April 14, 2017}   I Got Packages

Today started out with me forgetting about taking a Wanda’s boyfriend somewhere this morning. But he was supposed to get a hold of me and remind me a day or two before and he didn’t. It is Spring break so things have been more laid back and just laying around relaxing no rushing to get everyone up and to school, no rushing to school myself and all that. Add to it I am back on my not sleeping until after day light. My friend messaged me this morning around 1130 I called I told him I could do A but not B and C. B and C he really needs to step up and figure out for himself and take care of. He just kind of decided that this would just be how it would be since I agreed to help with A. I didn’t mind the first time but I didn’t know it was going to be a every time thing. I didn’t want to deal with it today. I just told him I have all this to do I will give you a ride and run you home then I will go take care of the rest of the stuff I have to do. I don’t have time for you to do the other stuff. He couldn’t do A without doing B and C he could just do it work around it but he didn’t want to do that so he skipped A. That is not my fault, I had to take care of paperwork I forgot about I fell back to sleep because I couldn’t hold my eyes open I couldn’t drive around that way.

I finally had everyone showered feed rounded up and headed out the door, I open the door and walk into this huge box taller than me and then a box at my knees. I as like what they Hell is this and where did it come from? Then as I said it I thought of it, it was my lights and grill support for my truck. I drug it in the house and we left. I was so excited to come home and start trying to tear the truck down and putting it back together. That didn’t happen.

As we were walking out the door and dragging the boxes in my Big Boy said his tooth was hurting, I said okay we will call the dentist tomorrow and if it is still hurting when we get home I will get you something for pain. He just said it was bothering him I didn’t think anything of it. We got to therapy and we were all talking and he starts crying that his teeth are hurting and hurting really bad. Me and the therapist started looking up dentist and trying to find one that would take our insurance. I finally found one that would take it and said I had to come in fill out paperwork and they could get him in, in the morning. As soon as we left therapy we went straight there and then they told me that they couldn’t put him in the computer until in the morning and that they will call me as soon as it is done. I brought him home and gave him something for pain and he said it got better and he hasn’t complained since. I am wondering if it isn’t his other teeth coming in pushing them out because it is the same tooth on both sides. I have had that happen before and I think it is worse pain than a infection. I remember crying with it myself, to have two doing that I can’t imagine.

Since that happen I didn’t start trying to take the truck apart because I was worried if something happen and it didn’t get put back together I couldn’t take him when they called. I was just happy to find somewhere that would take him going into a holiday weekend. I looked at some things to see what I would need but I really don’t know still because I need to take some things apart to see what all I am going to need. I will probably end up walking up to the store to get more parts that I need. Looks like just some little bolts, bulb, connectors things like that.

I should be sleeping now because it is 2:13 am but I am wide awake watching Sister Wives. I can’t count how many shows I have watched at this point. This kodi is a bad little thing for tv’s. I either don’t watch tv at all or a binge watch like tonight.

I can’t wait to put the lights on the truck I won’t have to worry about getting pulled over. I took one out of the box and looked at it tonight and they are really nice. I wasn’t going to open any of the boxes until I was ready for them but I couldn’t stand it I wanted to see what they really looked like. They are a lot nicer than what they look on line, I am happy because I almost didn’t buy them because I wasn’t sure how they were going to look. I was worried they weren’t going to be as nice I was expecting so being nicer was a bounce.

{March 30, 2017}   The Fun Just Never Ends

Today I went to school and picked my friend and the kids up and we headed down to look at the parts for the truck. I got to the location of the first one and the bumper wasn’t in great shape at all, one finder was messed all up and all the lights were gone out of it. I called and ask him of I could see the other he said yeah but one finder was messed up on it, he wasn’t sure when he could give me parts off of it because they were not ready to really take it apart yet. Why post if you aren’t? But we figured out I could get one fender off one truck get the other off the other. The hood I decided I did not want at all probably because my hood is in much better shape than the one I was looking at. He told me go ahead come by and look at the other we would talk when I got there decided what I wanted needed.

I got a block or two away and from where I was and my truck died. It was doing the same thing it was a month or so ago when I replaced the part on it. I got it started and got to the gas station, I could’t figure out where the hose was that was lose to put it back on. Father of The Year was supposed to be on his way to work so I called him to come over there to see. He got there hours later. He see’s the hose hooks it up and it ran great. We went over to the other place fast to look at other truck for parts, it was in better shape but hood still wasn’t as good as mine and finders would not work off that one because they have that tan stuff around the edges of them. i told them i just want bumper and stuff and the support piece, he said text the guy let him know he give me a price. I left there made it back to the main road and the hose came off again. I had almost 30 miles to home. I got through the light and made it across the street and just kept going. I give my self room to slow down but not have to stop at lights so they would turn green before I got to them and then sped up once they turn green we got out of the busy area away from lights we just cruised. We started getting back into town I knew we were coming up on a bunch of lights and traffic was getting bad I decided to go a back road to a parts store I knew up the street I only have to get through two lights to get to it. I got to the second one and had to sit with my foot on the gas and break and we had sit through two light changes. Smoke was pouring from under the hood and around the wheel. My friend the kids were starting to get scared and worried it was going to catch on fire. I pulled over to cut through the lots but then seen I couldn’t I had clear shot on that street and it was two drives up so I hit it and raced over there. I ask the guy to come out and tell me what the part was I needed and how much it would be. He came out looked at it said um I don’t know let me get someone else. They take it in and talk about it then say we are going to help you put we really are not supposed to. The kid walks out with it I said what about the clamps? He says we can’t put them on. I can just stick it back on for you. I said it is just going to come off in a minute it has be clamped. He said i am not even supposed put this on for you they will not let me clamp it. I said okay fine where are clamps let me buy some I will do it myself. Come show me where to hook it back up. We get out there where it went was way back on the back down under the windshield and firewall in the middle. I could not reach it to hook it up. I ask them for something to stand on to get up in there so I could do it they dint’ have anything. By this point I am just pissed off. They won’t help me after saying they would, they won’t give me something to stand on. I ask them for a new part so it will just slide on they can do it. He says I am not even supposed to be here I am supposed to be out dropping parts let me get one of the other guys to get you a price on that new because they were supposed to and didn’t. They just told me to clamp it on it would be find but had no clue what the a part was or called. I go back in waiting on the guy find me a new one I know have 30 minutes left to get the kids. Father of the Year is bitching because has to leave work come help after going in late.

After we got there and got out my friend Wanda says look there is something leaking there a trail from road to your truck. I looked it was the tranny leaking again. I even ask the guy when he came outside he said yes it was too.

I called my J’s husband to ask him if he knew what this part was called so they could look it up give me new one. He wasn’t sure the part I was talking about so I took picture and sent it to him. He said it was just a pipe I didn’t need to buy a new one there was nothing wrong with that one it just got stretched out clamp it and it would be fine. I told him the fluid was leaking from the tranny and ask him why he said no that is power steering you probably…..I stopped him I said no it is from the tranny the power steering is full I been under it and looked other guy has it is from the tanny. He said that isn’t possible it is not hooked to anything to do with that. I said yes and last time it came off it did same thing. I didn’t do anything to that hose we thought it came off because other part was messed up fixed it. But it was more to it. He kept telling me no it couldn’t be there be nothing for it on that side of my truck. I said well I know it is. When he first started telling me it was something else i was so mad I was hot i been sitting in the sun stuck for hours and now stuck again. I know what I am talking about I know a little bit about cars I been around this stuff all my life. Father of the Year just been telling me it wasn’t and going on and on too. I was pissed they acting like I am stupid. I don’t care if it is supposed to do that or not, I don’t care if there are not lines for that on that side of the truck in that spot. If I say this is what is happening then this is what is happening, don’t tell me I am wrong, just answer my question or tell me you have no idea. Trying to tell me I am wrong and that it is something else is just going to piss me off. I wasn’t nasty with him or anything but I just told him no it is this two of us have checked it. Father of the Year finally got there and I raced to get the kids. I was like 5 minutes late thank God that was all. Father of the year clamped everything on and added tranny fluid because guess what was low? I know none of the floods were low because me and my friend had just checked them before I went to school today. We were just talking about how all that stopped leaking how great it was running and things that we should check the fluids to make sure they were still full and that everything was fixed since we had not checked them since I fixed the truck. Guess what it been home since 7 I think and not a drop of anything on my driveway, it isn’t leaking.

I was going to call my other friend that put the pipe on for me last time and ask him why it would leak tranny fluid when it came off see what he said I hadn’t gotten a chance. I shouldn’t have but I was so tired and done by time we got home and in the house since I forgot my house key when i left father of the year with my keys. I came in laid down put my phone on to charge and talk to a friend that called and then took a shower. by then it was 8 something. I said forget it I am ordering pizza for the night and did. I didn’t figure he be the one to come tonight but he was. The kids said pizza is here I said it’s paid get it then I remembered tip gave them tip money. I waled out for something and heard my friend say isn’t your mom here? They said yeah. I was at door by then I said yes and went out. I forgot had sign for it. He knows I don’t leave my kids home alone so he was probably wondering if everything was okay or what was going on I didn’t answer because I always do at night but they looked said it is pizza and I knew it was coming, I was just going let them get it I was doing something in my room. I think they said yes he said can I talk to her before I could move door and go around. I think he was trying see if they were telling the truth before he called me to see why they were home alone or make sure I knew they were.

I said glad you brought it I was just going call you I have a question. He said oh lord from you that is loaded and scary. I said I spent all day broke down and stuck that part came off again. He said didn’t you fix that? I said yes but the other one, he said it got to much oil in it your going to have to replace it to then. I said okay why does this leak when it comes off. He said it’s oil, I said nope tranny fluid. He said same as J’s husband, it can’t it isn’t even hooked together. I said but it is it did last time and today and now it stop we fix the hose put it back on. He said that isn’t possible. I said it did unhook it and watch. He said I have no idea I am going to have to look some things up and try to figure that out they are not even the same systomes or connected. So he will probably be back over on his day off to see this and see that I know what I am talking about because like the other he thinks it is something else.
I said isn’t this nice two of you who have a bout 50 or more years experience between you both telling me this is not happening and can’t and I am watching it with my own two eyes do it and seen it happen twice now.

I guess between the two of them being so stumped they will be going over it to figure out why it does that. I don’t care just as long as it don’t break anymore I’m good. It seems like I always have something on my vehicles that they tell me no it isn’t like that it is like this, I’m like um well yeah not mine it is like this. It seems to never fail no matter what I get how big or little there will be something that isn’t how it should be or something that isn’t right or something.

et cetera
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