{December 21, 2018}   Fat Ass

I have no idea where fatass came from because it just isn’t a word I use. Fat anything is not something I say ever hardly. So I am still very confused. But this is what happen anyway.

One night last week Mr. To Broken called me he talked to me pretty normal for a bit. Then he started on the other night when me him and Bff were talking and I went off on him and tore him a new one as he put it. I have no idea what he is talking about because the three of us have not been on the phone at the same time ever I don’t think, unless me and her are together and he calls one of us but we haven’t done that in months.

I was like what are you talking about? You got mad and went off on me about everything up one side and down the other. I don’t know what I did to make you made but you just started going off. You called me a fat ass. I said I don’t know who you are talking about but it wasn’t me. I have not went off on you at all and if I did calling you a fat ass would be the least of the things you would be worried about that I said and I never say fat ass or use the word fat hardly ever. If I do it isn’t calling someone that. I am big about not calling people names and calling out their size and things even if I am pissed off at them. Calling names is a huge pet peeve of mine. He went on and on about how I did and he hung up but heard me say it before he hung up.

I told bff about it and she is like what is he talking about? I told her the same I have no clue she would have to know about it too because she was supposed to of been on the phone when it all happen and was said and we were laughing about it together. But he wasn’t mad at her just me for saying it and us laughing.

A few days later he called and I was with her and he was going on and on about this and saying all this. I said look I would not say anything behind your back I wouldn’t say to your face and if I had said it and you came to me and asked me I would say yeah I said it now what? But I am not going to say sorry for saying or doing something I did not do. Later he messaged bff and she ask him what was going on and what he was talking about and told him she had no idea what he was talking about either she wasn’t on the phone with us. He started about how we were both there and all this. She told him that isn’t even something she would say and if she said something should tell you she don’t care. You don’t need to be in the middle of it, it has nothing to do with you don’t worry about it he tells her. She like but you say I heard it and I didn’t. He said I am not talking about it with you. I know she said it I hear her in my sleep yelling at me and saying it all the time and can’t get over it. I said you say there are two or three people that have went off on you one of them was the one that said it not me and I didn’t say anything. You need to really think about who you were talking to. It was you and I am really mad at you blah blah. I said oh well I know I did not say it or go off on you so I don’t know what you want me to say or what your looking for. He got mad I wouldn’t say sorry stroke his ego I guess. Then later he was talking to bff she said maybe you dreamed it you said something about in your sleep.

Then he sends me this message he is sorry just been so stressed. Saying sorry but not really. Again trying get me to say i did it. I never even opened it. Like the next day he blocked me.

Like I told bff I don’t care that is fine with me. I told them both that night i was not going to be done that way i was not speaking to him no more. I am not going to be acquiesced of saying things I didn’t say and told I done all this and him telling people this that isn’t true. She said just tell him it’s okay and blah blah because he is the way he is and what he may do as much as he says this is bothering him. I said nope not doing it he is going to do whatever he is going to do rather I say okay or what because no matter what he still feels I said this and is mad about it. I don’t care what he does I really don’t think he is going to do anything anyway he would have to get up and leave the house and he isn’t going to do that.

{October 1, 2017}   Been Talking to Someone

The last week or so I have been talking to a guy from work. We have talked in a group there at work a few times joking around and things and when my friend, the bosses wife is up there. The other day me and her were up there and we were talking and joking around. We stood there talking for a while then we left. It was a few days later I had a friend request from him and then he sent me a message and we started talking. We have talked everyday since then. It’s been a week I guess now that we have been talking maybe a little longer. He has said something about going out and things. He asked me what I was doing this weekend I told him a birthday party for the boys. He ask if I wanted to go out maybe the night before. I told him maybe I have to see what was going on how things for the party and things were going if i could get away.

Last week I had to go to the internship thing for school. I didn’t go the one day because of things. I went with my friend we went and took care of things and stopped at the thrift store we like to go to. I found three nice name brand pairs of shoes for $18. The bottoms were not dirty and they had not even been broken in, they were brand new shoes. I got a pair of nice dress flats, a pair of nice spike heel and a pair of nice boots. On the way back I tried the boots on and they went with what I was wearing so I decided to just wear them for the day. I didn’t know she was but she stopped at the shop, they were locked up no one was there. She called her husband he said they were out delivering cars and stopped at the dinner up the street for lunch. We went and met them. I ended up sitting in the booth across from the guy I been talking too we all talked had lunch and went on. One of the guys made a comment about my boots when we walked in and sat down. When we left the one I been talking to made it a point to wait until we all had gotten up and was walking away before he got up to go and was behind me. Later he message me telling me he liked my boots they looked good on me and things. Few days later I went to my internship then had to go up to the shop to work. I have to dress up for my internship because we never know when we will see clients at the center and I thought I had court that day. We go to the court house and meet people and things. I just go from there where ever I have to go. I went to work that day. I walked up him and the other guy that works part time was there. The one that works part time is young just turned 21 he was saying stuff and said something about me being all dressed up and that I was finally getting there for the day. It was just after lunch time I do not have set hours at all. I make my hours and come and got when I want to, unless my friend needs me there he will ask if I can be there this day or that day and what time. Mostly if they are going away or something he will ask me to come in for the day or if he knows he has people coming to pick cars up and he can’t be there. They have a set time they are to be there and a set time they leave, even though he is easy going if they need to go to doctors or have things for their kids at school or something like that. He lets them take off or come in later or what, but they have to tell him ahead of time. With me he never knows when I am coming or if I am coming until I show up and don’t know how late I am staying unless he ask. I may go in and be there for fifteen or twenty minutes or I may go there and be there half a day. He don’t care, he knows I have school, internship and this new job I am about to start and the kids to work around.  I do not need to be there for them to do what they need to do. I am just there to file and that is it I can do that anytime. The only reason they have to be there when I am is so that I can get in the place. He knows it don’t take hours to do what needs done he just pays me a flat rate for coming in and doing it. They all know it he just joking around and messing around. But anyway later that evening after work the other one messaging me later telling me how nice I looked today and talking to me. He was talking about getting together next weekend if not this weekend and things.

I told him Thursday I could maybe do something Friday and if not Saturday. He said okay to let him know. I went to the shop Friday he didn’t say anything to me, I message him ask him to check something with the truck before we went home after work, never said anything back. I walked past him leaning there waiting on his ride as I went to the truck he didn’t say a word to me. I wondered what that was about. I thought maybe someone there at the shop said something to him about us talking or something or maybe he thought I wouldn’t want anyone to know we were talking i don’t know. I sent him a message later that night he never answered, I sent another one later ask if everything was okay why he was so quiet and he still didn’t answer. The first time I ask him what he was doing I was going see if he wanted to come over have a few drinks and talk. About 1 am he message me back said where I had said why you been so quiet today and what was up. He said I don’t know my mind been doing it’s own thing. I said I was going to see if you wanted come over have a few drinks and talk. He said I wanted too. I said you never answered. He said I know I’m sorry. He tells me he is at a motel he left and no one knew where he was. He is living with on of the guys from the shop I don’t know how he lives with him much less him and his wife and kids. Everyone says that him and the wife fight like hell and I know he was filling out divorce papers before. I can’t blame him for not wanting to be there. I found it odd he just left didn’t tell anyone he was leaving and no one knew where he was. He said he took a cab and went he had to find a ride home. He is working on getting a car I guess. I haven’t gotten all into that right now. He said he needs to find a ride home today. I told him I would pick him up and bring him if he wanted me to. He said if I was going to be up that would be great. He messaged me about 830 and ask if I was up and if it was to early for me to take him home. I told him no I would come get him I wasn’t doing anything I just had to get dressed. I did he told me to meet him at the little store by where he was. I still am not sure where he was so I did.

I dropped him off he said he wasn’t sure what he was doing we had made plans to go out tonight. I told him I could get out about 830 probably. We talked off and on all day. He went with his friend repoing and then he said his phone was about to die he get a hold of me when he got home. I told him okay I was going to charge mine up and that I had a few places to go and then I would be home. I got home around 7 messaged him ask if he was home if we were still going? He said he just got there yes he still wanted to go. I told him I was going to get a shower he said he needed to. We talked a few minutes he said he was going to go get something to eat and get ready. I told him let me know when he was ready. I was done right away but waited a little bit before I tried to get a hold of him. Give him time to get ready and things. I messaged he didn’t answer. I waited about 15 minutes messaged again and nothing. By then it has been an hour since we had talked he was supposed to let me know. I tried to call him and everything else never got a response I finally said fuck it and went with a friend of mine to the store. I looked when I got home he been on but he never said anything or looked at what I sent. I don’t know what his problem is.

I know he is dealing with the loss of his dad and that is bothering him. He told me the other day he been gone 3 years but he had really never gotten use to it or dealt with it he don’t think. How his family fell apart when he passed he didn’t have family anymore. We have talked about anything and everything. I can not figure out why he would tell me to get all ready and then do that when I just said i don’t want to get all ready if we aren’t doing something.

I don’t understand. My friend says she don’t get it because he has talked to her husband about me and how much he really likes me and things. Then why would he do this tonight? Last night I wasn’t worried about we never set a for sure doing something plan. Tonight it was set we were going to go to the beach walk the beach and then come back here or go out. It really pissed me off. My friend said go by there, maybe he in the shower. I said he has not been in there two hours and he knows we had plans he could have said hey this or that happen, hey i don’t want to go for whatever reason. But to just set plans and then change everything up that just pisses me off. Like I told my friend it probably pisses me off way more than it should have but when you have been done that way for years and years about the simplest to the most important things, it gets you pissed off no mater who done it or why. Huge pet peeve don’t tell me you are doing something, we are doing something or this is going to be this way to find out that it is noting like what you said. I told her I do not know how to respond to him if he does message me. I don’t want to go off on him over issues I am dealing with from the past but I also don’t want to just let it go and say nothing like it is no big deal. I know part of the problems I have had in the past like with me and R.C. was he would do things and it would trigger stuff from the past so I would be more pissed off than I should and I would take it out on him. I knew I was pissed off about stuff from the past but I would still just say what I felt like saying and was a lot more harder on him than I should have been and it wasn’t right. We talked about it a few times but I was not in a good spot back then I couldn’t control it or maybe I didn’t want to I was just hurt already and had not dealt with it and then hurt when it happen again when he wasn’t doing it to be nasty or what but that is how I took it and that is how I responded to it. I know that there was no one person to blame for everything there we both had a hand in why it didn’t work out.

I do not know where or if this will go anywhere or have expectations for it anyone way or the other. Just figured what would it hurt to go out and and get to know each other better whatever happens happens if nothing else just become friends. No big deal it’s just nice to have someone to do things with once in a while. But friends or other wise I hate to be told something and then nothing happens whatever it is. It don’t have to be going out it can be anything. If plans are changing that is fine no big deal, if you can’t go okay we do something another time. My thing is the not telling me anything and letting me sit and wait or wasting my time letting me do whatever to find out that you are not holding up your end. I hate to be ignored just answer say hey fuck you I don’t want to talk to you anymore than just let me sit and wait.

{November 18, 2016}   A Little Respect is Nice

Ok this says today or tonight but it was last night, I started writing it and had to stop and finish it today.

I finally tried to have a yard sale today I got some of the stuff moved out and put signs up. My friend stayed with me and stayed here why I ran the kids to school and went to lunch. We had to pack it up about lunch time but we just slid it up into the carport. We are doing it tomorrow and Saturday too.

my other friend the one who’s husband gets the food from work had some stuff in my freezer. She was storing it so that she could take it to her sons today. They are in South Carolina. That was fine, I had the room it wasn’t hurting anything. She told me last night she was coming today around 11/12. I told her that was fine if I wasn’t here that I had someone that would be here. I told her she would have to go through the house to get to where the freezer was and get the stuff. Doing this stuff for the sale I moved stuff to the back of the carport that I didn’t want to sell

The time she said she was coming came and went and they never showed up. I wasn’t surprised because I did’t figure they were going to go up there anyway. They talk about it all the time and never do even after making plans. So I had to take my friend that was helping me home to do some things. I took her home, picked up the kids, took them to therapy, went to pick my friend back up to come back over, pick up the little kids and go to the store to go shopping for some stuff.

I got a text after I left therapy saying they were on their way. I told her I be home in an hour or so I was out. Then I got broke down so I text her told her I was going to be a little later. She asked if they could just get the stuff from outside forget the stuff from inside. I told her I had stuff all over they needed to wait. I was standing in line at the store and got a text saying they had gotten what they wanted from outside not to worry about what was inside and to keep it. I was pissed, I was beyond pissed I told her I needed to go shopping this weekend that I needed room in my freezer I couldn’t just keep a bunch of this stuff. It’s like 20 bags of this and cases of that. I told her I had asked them to wait until I got home. She called said they have to go get a another cooler and stuff. I told her if she waited I was on my way here I see if I had enough room or not. Next thing I know I’m leaving the store and some one called my name. I looked up they were standing in line with a cooler. I just said oh hi I didn’t even see you. I really didn’t I wasn’t really looking at anyone just kind of past and through trying to get out of the store and home. I was tired and hurting. I kept going so I could be home when they got back here.

They came over I was laying on the couch on the carport I went in through the kitchen and went out I grabbed some stuff and gave them but not all that much really. I wasn’t thinking about my other friend could use some of it. Every thing I was pulling out or asking about her husband say not they can keep it or get rid of it. I finally just said fuck it and that was fine and they left.

Hours later she calls and wants to know if I was mad or why I was so mad? I said you know I asked you to wait until I got here and you just come over and go do whatever when you felt like it. You told me you were coming at one time and never showed up I had some one here. I tell you that I will be here and you can’t wait. She started I don’t understand I have been over there and all through your house or something and everything was fine. I don’t understand what is so different now. I said because I have everything out here everything going on I ask you to wait. She was like yeah I guess your right blah blah. I don’t even no because by that point I was getting pissed off again. I was so pissed when they were here. Then she is going to call me back hours later like she is trying to start something. That is how I felt she was trying to start something. She said whatever she said and said it wouldn’t happen again and hung up. Didn’t give me a chance to say anything.

When I got done today I not only had all that stuff I wasn’t selling pushed back there I then stuck everything else in front of it when I left so it would be under the carport and not in the driveway. I didn’t want them over here moving everything around. I didn’t want something to get broken because they couldn’t move it or didn’t care and just moved it however.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone messing with and moving my stuff around when I didn’t ask them to or tell them they could. I also feel it was very disrespectful of them to do it after I told them twice they needed to wait. I could hear her saying something to him before she hung up sounded like she was mad like she thought I was out of line for being mad. I really don’t care it is my house.


1. I think my biggest pet peeve is someone asking me something over and over again. When they change how they ask and ask it again after you have answered them 50 times before. Father of the year does this all the time and then gets mad when I get pissed off and say something. It’s like if you are not getting the answer you want asking 20 more times is not going to get it either.

2. When people come from behind you and try to fly up past your when thy know that lane is about to end when they get in it. They think because their lane is ending you will let them over. I just keep going like I don’t see them there and make them get back behind me. It’s great when there are like 20 cars behind me and they can’t get back in until they all pass. So now they are even farther back than they would have been if they had just stayed behind me.

3. people who ride these little scooter moped things on roads that they really shouldn’t be on. If it can’t do the speed limit of the road you shouldn’t be out there. You are going to be like a bug on a win-shield one of these days. It really irritates me that the police see them go around them and say nothing. It’s a 70 mph zone they are lucky if they are doing 40.

4. When people are late, don’t show up or call you at the last minute and cancel. Like the other day a friend was supposed to go with me and the kids to the flea market. They asked if they could go with us when they heard us talking about it. No problem I didn’t mind at all. Then the day we are supposed to go we are all ready and getting ready to get in the truck I text to tell them we will be there in a minute. They live few houses down. They text back to say they aren’t going. They couldn’t let me know the night before or some time before I was walking out the door to go? I would have seen if someone else wanted to go. I was already going to buy they asked if they could so I didn’t. It didn’t matter to me who went. Just someone to go to talk to things. I have another friend who lives about 10 mile or more a way and more than once has she let me get up get everyone ready and get half way to her house before she tells me she isn’t going. I know she has been up for hours or more so she could have sent a message when she got up or about the time she thought I should be getting up so that I could get to her on time. That really pisses me off. A lot of times it would be to help her do something or we got up to go early because she couldn’t go later. Where as me and the kids could have slept in  later or done other things we wanted to do first. But didn’t so we could do something with them.

5. People who lie and think that you have no clue and your dumb enough to believe it. The ones who say oh just let it go don’t say anything for whatever reason. No I’m not stupid and your a horrible lire or the lie you are telling is just that bad or I already know. I am not going to sit there why they try to play me for a fool. I will call a lire on a lie so fast. Then they sit there look at you all dumb or get mad you called them out and now everyone knows. To bad shouldn’t have lied.

et cetera
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