A Little Bit of Everything

Right now I am sitting at work waiting on 2pm to get here so I can run around and pay bills. I haven’t heard from Father of the Years boss yet but figure I will this evening or tomorrow. I thought about just showing up there about 8 am this morning when I knew they were all meeting to go out and work. But I didn’t, I am trying not to pester the boss, be a bitch or seem like I am just trying to stir the pot or start trouble. Plus they haven’t gotten checks yet today if he was going to take out for this week he may not of yet. I figure I will just wait to see if he contacts me this after noon. If I do not hear from him by this evening or in the morning I will contact him before I come to work because I have a lot to pay out this weekend.

The good thing is I think I can get all my bills paid down to a $0 balance. I just do not know how it is going to work with my hours being cut at work now. Again everytime I get things lined up that we might get ahead something happens to I am just treading water to stay floating again.

I have to go pay on my guns, go to the school board about the older two kids schooling and see if I can get someone to look at the truck check the transmission fluid. I hope to meet up with Starfish get him to do it. If not Bff said to stop by the shop and ask this one guy there to check it for me. I was supposed to yesterday but didn’t. I didn’t really go anywhere and I really don’t want to go up to the shop and deal with them. The one guy she said to ask is okay but I don’t want to deal with the owner and the rest of it. He is just getting in more and more over his head. The repo guy he was working with isn’t happy with him they aren’t talking anymore. Him and Bff were talking the other day about things he was saying how he isn’t doing things right and he is going to get in trouble. He asked her if he has a drug problem and things as well. Told her she better watch out for her and her kids. I said see you are being told by how many people now that things are not right and watch out for you and the kids and get things set for you and them. Sleeping Beauty has told her since all the shit went down at the shop almost a year ago, the guys there now the one that was staying with them have been talking to her telling her things and that things are not right, now this guy is telling her. She needs to listen. The repo guy telling her he is going to go to jail if he keeps on messing with the people he is and doing the things he is.

Now she has taken this baby in and has him until December at the earliest and like I told her probably a lot longer. She says once he goes, but she always has some excuse and never does anything. I just hope nothing cares over to home from what he is doing and these people he is messing with.  The kids don’t go to the shop anymore. I think that he is the reason I did not get the job at the repo place as well. Then findout from the repo guy the guy at the car lot is into crap and rips people off all the time. Glad I didn’t leave my job here to go there. At least at the office I had nothing to do with dealing with any of the going on there. I just filed and cleaned. The repo guy told Bff that boss keeps saying he needs someone to work in the office up there she said I don’t see why hebhasn’t called you everything was fine with you then out of the blue he didn’t need you. She said the repo guy told her he told him he come help him and he won’t let him. Said he don’t want him to because he see all that is going on that shouldn’t be. I said that is why he don’t want me up there because he don’t want me telling you things.

We were talking about him being hooked on pills and things. She said he came home at 5 had dinner laid on the couch slept through everything got up about 10 or 11 and went got in bed and slept until like 7 the next morning. She was saying that isn’t right and things. I said it sounds like more than pills to me. Samething the other done when he was at my house. Gone come home got in bed slept all day all evening until I woke him up had no clue what time it was nothing. Laid back down went back to sleep soon as he was done doing what needed to be done. I know it wasn’t pills he was doing.

I told her yes he may have needes the pills when he got hurt he may still have some problems and need them. But he is now hooked and can’t do without them and sounds like from what others are saying and the way she says he has been acting he is moved on to other things. I said to her I am sure he didn’t set out to get hooked no one does. But it is way to easy to do and they give them away way to easly when you get hurt.

I could very well be in the same spot he is in right now or worse from when I got messed up in my accident I had before I had my 3rd baby. Everywhere I went they gave me two or three bottels of pills and all said if you need more just come back. I couldn’t take them and work or take care of the kids so I took them maybe once or twice a year. Had I taken them like they said I been hooked too. They hand them out like candy here. Then wonder why we have such a problem.

2 more hours to go I hope the owner gets here soon and writes checks because I need my money so i can pay bills today and buy food. Most the time he is here before now. I don’t see them here like he did them yesterday.

I have two older ladies locked in a room right now they are so funny. I have never had to go in a room so much to help. They keep saying you just stay right here wait a minute lol. By the time I get back up here to my desk they are calling me.

I Was Robbed

I was robbed of being able to enjoy my pregnancy. I was robbed of having the labor and delivery I so wanted, with the person I wanted to be there. I was robbed of the family I loved more than life it’s self. I was robbed of a father for my daughter. I was robbed of the one and only person on this earth that I love as much as my kids. I was robbed of the one person I have truly been happy with in many many years. I was robbed of the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was robbed of my partner my best friend my true other half. I was robbed of my soul mate.

I wasn’t robbed by someone with a gun. I wasn’t robbed by someone with a knife. I wasn’t robbed by a car accident. I wasn’t robbed by some horrible illness. I wasn’t robbed by an injury. I wasn’t robbed by some freak accident.

I was robbed by something very simple. I was robbed by something of all different sizes. I was robbed by something of many different shapes. I was robbed by something of many different colors. I was robbed by something that goes by many different names. I was robbed by something that’s in just about any given home.

I was robbed by pills! I was robbed by addiction!

All Makes Since Now

I have been talking to my friend J more the last few weeks. I hadn’t talk to her much we talked here and there but not a lot. I met her and her husband through RC they were friends of his. She has contacted me a few times off and on the last year on Facebook and her husband offered to let me stay with them when I was pregnant. She asked me the other day if I could give her a ride to have a procedure done. She wasn’t allowed to drive after. Then another day we went some places. We got to talking about RC and the way he was. She said that he drank a lot when they met him. She said he was always drunk. That they had tried to talk to him about it and things but he just kept doing it.

I was kind of surprised because he hardly drank at all when we were together. He would have one to two at night when he came home and most the time he never even finished the second one. He would dump it out. I would have a drink here and there. We went out a few times and we both drank but he still didn’t really drink that much. I only ever seen him with even a good buzz once. He was never drunk. My one friend said before I was drinking a lot when I was with him. But I really wasn’t. Her a lot is different than most peoples I would say because she don’t drink. Maybe once or twice a year. So a drink a few times a week or a drink a night is a lot to her.

But with RC I think what happen was he had a problem with the pills and he was trying to get away from it so he started drinking. A lot of times that is what people will do they will do one to get a way from the other and vise versa. So that they can keep something in their systems. I think he wanted a way from the pills so he started drinking and it got out of hand. Then he started going to church and things with the kids and in laws so he probably started trying to not drink so much. Then we got together and I don’t drink like that all the time. So he was trying to keep it to just one or two an evening. I was ok with that he wasn’t sitting there getting drunk every night he wasn’t taking money out of the house.

Well then before I moved he was sitting on the step at my house. HIs little boy came running up behind him to grab him and hug him from behind. Well he hit him harder than he expected to and his knee caught him right in the back. Well he did something to his back he hurt him pretty bad. He got to where he was having a hard time when he got up in the morning and things. He went and got a relaxer and pain pill from his mom a few times. I knew it he didn’t try to hide it from me. But I don’t know how many he was getting when he went down there. I know what I found in the drew when I left was a lot. I don’t know if he was really getting them from his mom or someone else around there even at this point. I didn’t watch him or go with him. I didn’t speak to his mom we didn’t talk the whole time I was there. She stopped talking to me before I moved in and I didn’t try to find out why. I hadn’t done nothing if that is how she wanted to be then I was fine with that. I didn’t have time to be bothered with her.

I think when all that happen he got hooked back on the pills then we were talking about his daughter and I encouraged him look for her find her. So he did. Her mom is the same shape he is in and maybe worse because I know her boyfriend was a coke addict. Im sorry her husband. You don’t just stay with someone who dose that and not have some kind of problem yourself.

I think he got hooked back on the pills and was afraid to tell me and was probably trying to figure out what to do how to tell me. I think he was afraid that I wouldn’t have that around our kids and I would say oh no and leave. I think that when he found her and she was the same way it was easier to get out and go be with her who was the same way than to tell me and risk me leaving. I think it was get out before he got hurt if i left. I believe he really did love me I believe he really did want our family and the baby but he was so afraid that I was going to be so upset and mad that I would take my kids and the baby and leave. When really if he had just come to me told me everything I would have stayed if he was willing to get help and get off of them.