{October 9, 2018}   In The Loop

At work the other girl has gotten another job but I guess tryinbg to keep this one too. Last week I worked Monday for her. Then ended up working 13 hours Friday for her and the boss because they didn’t want to come in or couldn’t. I went in and open at 9 am to do my 5 hour shift didn’t end up leaving until 10 pm that night. Then worked another 8 Saturday to only be allowed to work 2.5 hours of my shift Sunday so I didn’t get over time. I would of had between 5 and 8 hours of overtime.

Before I left I asked if he wanted me to come in yesterday and cover her Monday again if she did not come in again. He said no. It looked like it was going to be a pretty dead day he would do it to save on payroll. I told him I did not mind but like to know ahead of time not called at the last minute. He said I try give you an hour heads up. I said yeah I know it still don’t work well for me on my days off. We even talked about owners being away and him opening that day as well as covering her shift. So he knew it was an all day deal.

Today about 2 my phone started ringing it was him. I was busy did not answer it. In little bit I had a text message.

Ate you coming in to cover Ms shift?

No was todld it was dead today wasn’t needed made plans.

Who told you that? That was a misunderstanding! Need to communicate better, I just worked 13 hours yesterday with a hurt back and couldn’t let you pass 40 hours…this is a new week…crap!?!

Before I could reply he was sending more.

M texted me that you could cover for her, but forget, I will do what is needed.

But, we do not know if it is going to be dead a day ahead of time, especially on a holiday! You needed to be ready to cover this shift, not make plans without me being in the loop about your availability.

I ask you before i left yesterday if she was not coming in did you want me to cover it. You said no if she did not come it was a dead day and you were going to cover it to save on pay. I never told her i would cover it. She said she wasnt coming i told her let you know that me you talked about it before i left and you said you were going to cover it.

Okay, I forgot that I was covering morning too after a busy night…fuck

It was her text that through me off, damnit…okay

Okay, see you Tuesday at 2.

After I said what I did about talking to him before I left and everything I never responded back at all. I was to pissed off and knew I would say thimgs that would be taken wrong in text. It is not my fault he worked Sunday or that he worked Monday morning and is now working that night.

What happen was we had no bookings he was going to foward phones to his and put a note up to call for a booking and go home. If a big enough group wanted to book he come back if not he would put them off or just say he had noghing so they would go away. But people booked his day so he had to be there all day he didn’t want to stay and do it. He figured I would jump on it and I didn’t. It made him mad. I am tired of being done that way then not aloud to work my hours on my days because I may get overtime. Canceling plans or not getting things done because I am dropping everything to be there. I am not going to keep doing it there is going to be some changes when the owner gets back because I am going to him with this text about keeping them informed and in the loop of my plans on my day off and how im supposed to just be ready to jump and cover these shifts whenever. Nope not going to work. I am sure he will say something tomorrow. I am going to tell him no I am not the one that needs to be ready to jump and cover shifts when other employee’s call out. That is your job as the “manager” to cover. Great if you want to call and ask if I would like to pick it up fine, but if I can’t all these other text saying I am supposed to and it is my place to your wrong. I will tell him I am going to be talking to the owners about it. You either want people to work or you want to save on payroll. Can’t have both. My dads off are just that mine and I am off. I do not need to keep him in the loop about all my plans on my day off. It is none of his buisness if I am off what I do.

{September 7, 2018}   More and More Over This Job

Not happy the messaged me from work last night told me not to come in this morning. They said it was dead no customers. Then told me to come in at 5 tonight. Work until 9 maybe later. I just said okay I need the hours. I am still debating on going tomorrow or not. I don’t want to but haven’t talk to the other to see if we are doing anything or not.

Thought about asking someone else of they want to do something tomorrow. But I’m not looking for what they are and know what they will be expecting.

I thought about asking the one from my other job if he wanted to go do something. But I haven’t heard from him since we talked the other week. I don’t know what happen the way things were left off was odd.

I don’t feel like going and doing anything alone. I do enough alone as it is. Sleeping Beauty gets off in about 45 minutes I am going to call him when I leave for work and see if I get a hold of him. See what he has to say. I was going to tell them tonight I wasn’t going to be there tomorrow. But I want to know for sure that I am going to do something. I don’t want to take off to sit home. I can always just wait until tomorrow and call in if I have too. It isn’t a big deal. I just rather let them know sooner than later. But the way they have done me I don’t care. Its just comes down to the way I am and the way I handle things regardless. But at this point if I don’t get to tell them until tomorrow oh well.

{August 18, 2018}   My Night Was Shot To Hell & Back

My mother called while I was laying here earlier so I grabbed the kids pizza and went to get her. Then she says she wants to get her hair cut. It is already 6 something. I run her to do that we did not get out of there until almost 9!!

Wouldn’t you know as we are walking in the door to the place sleeping Beauty messaged me. It was 630 and asked if I was going to the beach tonight? Said he was headed home. I told him yes in a few hours. He said okay let him know.

I was going to get my hair done too maybe told him. We where I was and we were talking about what to get done to it and things. He said let him know when i was ready.

About 830 he ask if i was still going I told him yes I was trying to leave soon. He ask what beach? I said one we always go to unless he had some other in mine. He said well you know I am at home right? Your going to come get me? I will give you gas money. I said yes and okay.

Then it ended up taking even longer. Another hour went by just about he said he wasn’t going to go. He wasn’t feeling good. He told me he got sick the day before at work. He didn’t eat and it was so hot out. With his sugare and things he probably got it all off again he don’t just get sick from not eating part of a day. I figure he hasn’t been and not taking his meds. He probably is. But really it was to late anyway for me to drive an hour or more to get to him then to have time to do whatever get back to his place and me to get home. It is 1130 now and had I went i probably just be getting there. Or maybe part way on our way to where ever we were going to go.

I didn’t think about it but the next county over and the beach there probably would of been closer and not all the back tracking to get there take him home and me to come all the way back home.

I told him I was pissed off and done. When he said he couldn’t go. I didn’t mean at him i meant in general. I realised how it looked i said not at you. He ask why at same time so think he knew I didn’t mean at him.

I am tired of never ever having a free momment. I am tired of doing everything for everyone and taking care of 4 other people all the time 24/7 with no break ever. I give and give, do and do, run and run get nothing. Tired of no one caring about me tired of being a lone im woreout and tired. I told him all that too but he never answered. But it was a bit after because i had to drive. I figured he probably went to sleep.

You know I was upset about it but not at him. Because I messaged him and told him to call me a minute. He said back he wasn’t going. I was going to tell him what was going on what happen why it was so late and if he just wanted to forget it that was fine. I understand that and wasn’t mad at him and didn’t think anything of it.

But of course my mind once I got to sit down and relaxe a little just ran with it. And why didn’t he want to go he decided to go to his friends house probably since i didn’t seem to be coming. He is over there now he had someone else on there way to get him. I didn’t come he went to do that instead. That he never plan to go he was just stringing you along. Then I am like no because i could of said yes leaving in a bit or yes let me know when your ready or whatever. Why would he what would be the point? He already told me he was going somewhere had plans. When i said what I did he could of just said no I already told so and so I am going over there. He isn’t really that type. I know its just me and all i been through in the past. It was late i don’t blame him for not wanting to go. I didn’t either really. But was going to so i could see how he was and we could talk. I just wish my mind wouldn’t do this shit to me. It isn’t just this or him. Anything anyone says I am always feel its because it is me they are saying or doing it. If it wasn’t they wouldn’t. I can turn everything into a negative and it is because i was involved. Or feel people are lying if they do say something nice or do something. And his friend he was going to see wouldnt go that far to get him most no one will and his friend knows bff very well and lives a few doors down so she could of seen him and said something and i would of known he was.

I wish my mind would not do this crap to me. Am I the only one who’s mind does this and tries to drive them crazy? I can’t be the only one.

{August 9, 2018}   Birthday Debate

I talk to Sleeping Beauty a little tonight while I was delivering pizzas. I had to deliver one a few doors away from where he was staying before he came here. I said I am in your old hood. He said really? I said yep at 6. He said thats right by x. I said yeah I know. I got busy didn’t say anything else. He was on his way home figured he was going to get cleaned up and eat relaxe.

I got off I messaged and ask what exciting plans he had for his birthday? He said nothing yet, but he was beat he had to get some sleep. I said okay told him goodnight. He was probably already laying down it was about 10. I know he goes between 9/10 when he is there. Sometimes he is up later but he been working a lot to and out in the heat.

I am thinking about asking him if he wants to go do something for his birthday. It is my one day I will be off if I keep doing pizzas. I just say I got called in to the other job. They know I do and that I don’t get off until late. It would not be that late anyways because he has to work the next day.

I don’t know what to suggest, niether of us drink really and there isn’t a lot of things around here to do. Ask him if he wants to go to the beach like he said the other night. He probably say get the hell out of here with the beach lol. Where we went all time before.

I just figured it be nice to offer to do something if no one has. I know he has mixed feelings about it and with all that is going on off and on.

I think I will ask him tomorrow see what he says. I’m tell him stay out of trouble this weekend too being his bday weekend. Not to go do anyrhing stupid or getting all depressed. His mom and them may have plans too he don’t know about. Guess we will findout.

Maybe it will give us a chance to talk and things too.

{November 27, 2017}   A Night At The Beach

The kids have been on my nerves today, I was so tired and had to just get out for a while. I cooked dinner and and was working on my school work. My friend messaged me and I talked to him for a little bit. I told him I was running away I had to get out for a while. He asked where I was going I told him I didn’t know and ask if he wanted to go. He said yeah to let him know when I got ready to leave he would get ready. I finished everything told the kids I was going to get the stuff for lunches and look for a gift I needed to pick up.

I picked him up and we rode around for a little bit. I then went and parked by the pear, we went and walked down the beach and talked, we sat down and talked for a while longer and left. We talked about a little bit of everything and just joked around mostly. We were walking back down the beach and some how age came up and he said how old are you anyway? I told him 37 in December. He said whoa what? I said yep how old did you think I was? He said I don’t know at least like closer to 40. I laughed and ask him how old he was? He said he was 44, I thought he was 43 so I really wasn’t surprised.

After that we went to the store and walked around shopped and talked. I said something to him about what he wanted in life what he wanted to do in life? He said the store wasn’t really the place to have that talk. I said why not we are just walking around talking. He said well I don’t really have plans I don’t have anyone to make them with I don’t like doing things on my own or alone. I said you have to get use to doing things on your own and just live make your plans and then figure out what you want once you meet someone. He didn’t say much after that.

After we left the store he asked me to stop at the place so he could grab something to eat. We ended up sitting there in line forever. I said something to him about what he wanted again he said I don’t have like set plans to do this or that or anything that I want to do. He said I just want to find someone to be with who isn’t going to leave and who isn’t going to be in it for what they can get and just walk away. He said I want someone who knows what a relationship is and is supposed to be and what love mean because it seems that no one knows what that means anymore or what it is to be in a relationship with one person. I said yeah I know how that is. He said I get with someone and I just do and do and give and give and forget about myself and then I end up alone in the end. He said I am tired of being alone I just want to be with someone and enjoy my life. He has been married twice I know and then I think the last girl he was with he was with for a little while. But I am not sure what happen between them.

We talked some more and I took him and dropped him off. I am supposed to pick him up after I drop the kids off at school tomorrow. For some reason he got a text from the boss saying not to come in tomorrow. He asked me if I knew what it was about I told him no I didn’t. He said he didn’t either, because he knew there was work to be done. The only thing I could think of was maybe because he was sick the other day and they don’t want him coming to the shop and making everyone sick but I don’t know.

{April 10, 2017}   Making A Plan

As you all know me and the kids want to move out of state we are just waiting on me to get done with school so that we can. We have to still decide where we are going to go and things as well. But the last few months it is starting to seem real. I don’t know why but the last few weeks I have been thinking about it more and really starting to working on the things that have to be done or need to be done to make our plan go as smooth as it can.

I checked my credit and credit score the other day and am working on a few things I think should not be on there. I am hoping they will come off and bring it up a good amount and then I am going to try to get a credit card to help show open line of credit that is good. I hope between the stuff coming off bringing my score up and hopefully going back to work I will be able to get one. If I can’t I guess I will go for a secure card. For a little while to start off. I do not want to carry a huge balance on it, I just want to use it for gas or gas and paying bills on each month. Then pay it off when the statement comes in each month.

If I work between now until the end of the year then I can file taxes. Since Father of the year can’t get any credits and things for the kids then I am going to see if he will just let me file them. That will give me a good amount back in taxes in March. I want to put that away to move on.

I think I will also use part of it for me and the kids to take a road trip Spring Break of next year. We will pick out our top picks that we are considering moving too and go check them out in person. Then hopefully be able to pick one to move to.

If all goes well I would like to move the first week of June. Here the kids get out middle of May that will give us a little time to get things settled up here and get ready to go. That will also give us the Summer to get settled in wherever we go learn our way around and things before the kids go back to school. I hope to go with job leads and be able to start when I get there or shortly after. I want to learn the area and save some money to buy land. I want to buy at least 25 acres. I figure if I have 25 that will give me 5 to put a house on and do with whatever I want to do with it. That will leave me 5 for each of the kids to put a house on if they want to. This way they will have the land just have to put something to live in on it. They will have 5 to do with what they want to do with it. Plus it gives all room to put a place and not be right on top of each other but still be close if we want to. If they don’t want their 5 right away or ever I will have extra do with what I want. But knowing my animal loving kids they will want their 5 to have their animals and all that on.

I want to find an area that is nice, kid friendly, out away from things but not 50 miles from a store and things. We want to be out in the country where we can do what we want and no one is around to care and if they are they don’t. I hate living right on top of people like I do now.

We also want to do a horse program where we do therapy with kids and adults with the horse’s. But that will not happen for another three years or so. Longer term goals to go with our shorter term goals.

We still have not told family other than Father of the Year and I don’t think he thinks we are going to really do it. But he will see when it happens. I have to start filing my papers through the courts about the first of next year as well so that I make sure it gets done by the time I want to go.

Off to research some states.

{November 18, 2016}   A Little Respect is Nice

Ok this says today or tonight but it was last night, I started writing it and had to stop and finish it today.

I finally tried to have a yard sale today I got some of the stuff moved out and put signs up. My friend stayed with me and stayed here why I ran the kids to school and went to lunch. We had to pack it up about lunch time but we just slid it up into the carport. We are doing it tomorrow and Saturday too.

my other friend the one who’s husband gets the food from work had some stuff in my freezer. She was storing it so that she could take it to her sons today. They are in South Carolina. That was fine, I had the room it wasn’t hurting anything. She told me last night she was coming today around 11/12. I told her that was fine if I wasn’t here that I had someone that would be here. I told her she would have to go through the house to get to where the freezer was and get the stuff. Doing this stuff for the sale I moved stuff to the back of the carport that I didn’t want to sell

The time she said she was coming came and went and they never showed up. I wasn’t surprised because I did’t figure they were going to go up there anyway. They talk about it all the time and never do even after making plans. So I had to take my friend that was helping me home to do some things. I took her home, picked up the kids, took them to therapy, went to pick my friend back up to come back over, pick up the little kids and go to the store to go shopping for some stuff.

I got a text after I left therapy saying they were on their way. I told her I be home in an hour or so I was out. Then I got broke down so I text her told her I was going to be a little later. She asked if they could just get the stuff from outside forget the stuff from inside. I told her I had stuff all over they needed to wait. I was standing in line at the store and got a text saying they had gotten what they wanted from outside not to worry about what was inside and to keep it. I was pissed, I was beyond pissed I told her I needed to go shopping this weekend that I needed room in my freezer I couldn’t just keep a bunch of this stuff. It’s like 20 bags of this and cases of that. I told her I had asked them to wait until I got home. She called said they have to go get a another cooler and stuff. I told her if she waited I was on my way here I see if I had enough room or not. Next thing I know I’m leaving the store and some one called my name. I looked up they were standing in line with a cooler. I just said oh hi I didn’t even see you. I really didn’t I wasn’t really looking at anyone just kind of past and through trying to get out of the store and home. I was tired and hurting. I kept going so I could be home when they got back here.

They came over I was laying on the couch on the carport I went in through the kitchen and went out I grabbed some stuff and gave them but not all that much really. I wasn’t thinking about my other friend could use some of it. Every thing I was pulling out or asking about her husband say not they can keep it or get rid of it. I finally just said fuck it and that was fine and they left.

Hours later she calls and wants to know if I was mad or why I was so mad? I said you know I asked you to wait until I got here and you just come over and go do whatever when you felt like it. You told me you were coming at one time and never showed up I had some one here. I tell you that I will be here and you can’t wait. She started I don’t understand I have been over there and all through your house or something and everything was fine. I don’t understand what is so different now. I said because I have everything out here everything going on I ask you to wait. She was like yeah I guess your right blah blah. I don’t even no because by that point I was getting pissed off again. I was so pissed when they were here. Then she is going to call me back hours later like she is trying to start something. That is how I felt she was trying to start something. She said whatever she said and said it wouldn’t happen again and hung up. Didn’t give me a chance to say anything.

When I got done today I not only had all that stuff I wasn’t selling pushed back there I then stuck everything else in front of it when I left so it would be under the carport and not in the driveway. I didn’t want them over here moving everything around. I didn’t want something to get broken because they couldn’t move it or didn’t care and just moved it however.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone messing with and moving my stuff around when I didn’t ask them to or tell them they could. I also feel it was very disrespectful of them to do it after I told them twice they needed to wait. I could hear her saying something to him before she hung up sounded like she was mad like she thought I was out of line for being mad. I really don’t care it is my house.


et cetera
%d bloggers like this: