Topic Of The Day—Day 2 What Attracts You In Love

I wanted to get this up and going the first week of the month but I have been a little distracted with life and all that comes with it. Some good, some bad but getting through and doing alright. That’s other post later on. But since I didn’t get to really start last week we will get the ball rolling now.

So what does attract you when it comes to love?

This was a hard one for me for a long time and I think I have just come to really figure it out and even out a little bit. I have never been one to really judge anyone where ever they were at in life if they were trying and progressing in some way. I would consider or give a lot of people chances. not because I’m desperate or can’t get anyone but just because I know what it is like to be in hard spots, fall on tough times and know how hard it is to claw your way out of them sometimes.

But at the same time I think that I was maybe a little to understanding, over looked a little to much and helped make excuses. I do believe that everyone can move from where they are and move up if they want it bad enough and look in the right places. But you quickly learn that most are where they are because they are happy there and it is what works for them. Even if it isn’t that great. They have no desire or drive to have more. In order to have more they would have to put in more of an effort and get up and do something. Like maybe get a better job where they are working more than a few hours a week, or somewhere they make more money or they may need to get a 2nd job for a while.

It isn’t easy to pull yourself out of a bed spot. But when I look at where I was, where I have been, how far I have come and the fact that I have basically done it on my own, I can’t feel sorry for anyone or make excuses for anyone really. Because if I can do it then there is no reason a grow man not taking care of anything but himself can’t. I know a lot of single dads who are doing it as well who have their kids full time as well.

That is what really made it hit me one day. I was at the store and two or three grown men come up asking me for money. I am just looking at them like they have lost their minds. Most have nothing wrong with them but they need their next fix, you can tell. It made me mad I work my ass off they are doing this want want money. Then I started looking at others and where they are and what they are doing and where they were and how far they have or haven’t come and it is like is anyone really trying? It changed my views thoughts and opinion on a lot of things.

Anyway back to topic at hand here. What attracts you?

I am looking for someone that first and for most they have to have goals, ambitions or whatever you call them. I am always changing and always growing and always striving to do better, be better, have better. I like to do new things, try new things, change things up. I don’t want the best of the best, or feel like I need to be better than anyone or have better than anyone. I am happy with who I am and what I have at this point in life because I know it isn’t all there is and that if and when I want something different I can make that happen.

It is more about not being happy just existing, not being happy with just getting by or just mundane doing the same thing over and over again. You have to have a purpose in life or it just has no meaning. If someone don’t have that it is a no go for me. I can’t drag someone around or pull them up when they have no desire for anything more than what they are doing. I also can’t be happy just joining them where they are and sitting.

I want someone who is on level with me or damn near close. I do care where you are what you are doing where you came from how far you have come and what you are doing to keep going and get better do better have better or what.

I want someone that understands my kids come first and have to because I am all they have.

I need someone who is going to ask questions and wants to understan where I am coming from why I do what I do. Someone who I can have conversations with and get somewhere not just small talk.

I want someone who loves me for me not what I can do for them give them or have.

I want someone that wants a family not just a fling or girlfriend.

I Find It Funny

How do guys meet you and think it’s great that you “aren’t like the rest” But then try their damnedest to get you to screw around with them, or “help” them out.

It’s like okay are you not listening? Do you know how stupid you sound and look? Do I look desperate to you? What is it that makes you think that your so great or special that we just met, started talking or been talking and I am going to just say oh what the hell and do it? Especially when we aren’t even talking a relationship or interested in one. They say they just want to see where it goes, just want to be friends, not looking for a relationship. You tell them what your looking for and they still think your just going to make an expression or change your mind for them.

I know it’s the sliver of hope they have and it’s the fun of trying. But dang, I think I would get tired of trying and feel like an idiot for trying after a while. It never crosses my mind to even keep trying if I know someone really isn’t interested. I guess that’s why guys and women are so different.

As bad as the other one telling me you really aren’t like the rest. But you just don’t get how this works. You need to………….

Yes I know how it works and I have no desire to play that game. I have no need to.

Shit Talking 101

I told you a while back in my post 34 to 54 and Us in-between about the one driver at my night job trying to take me and the other guy I work with at night out for a drink and to hang out. When he said no he kept asking me. We have been messaging back and forth and talk on the phone once in awhile. But that is it nothing else at all. He keeps trying to get me to go out with him and meet him and “help” him out. We mostly just joke around.

He said to me the other day I know nothing is ever going to happen between us, your just easy to talk to, joke around with and fun to talk to. I’m not trying to offend you or make you made. I said nope don’t make me mad. Takes a lot to get to me or make me made.

So he is always saying stuff and talking shit. I told him the other day all you guys take that same Shit Talking 101 class and think you are the man. You all say the same thing and it gets none of you anywhere. He comes off with class I wrote the book. Blah, blah. I laughed and told him I wouldn’t admit to that. Later I told him, he may want to rewrite that book and do some more research. It comes up here and there I say something about that class. He said something I said you really should just burn the book. He said yeah I think you are right. It has been no help so far.

He said something about getting together maybe if he kept trying one day I would change my mind.

I said you can get in line with the others but it never moves just so you know. I sent him this picture

He says I skipped and jumped ahead I’m first in line. I said first middle last next to the back or front really means nothing when the line never moves.

Another time we were talking and he was saying something and I made a wise crack. He said why do you have to be so mean and cold? Laughed. I sent

 

He made comments back and then says and as for my balls….um…um. yeah I don’t know what to say to that.

 

I replied

 

 

 

 

Last week I posted that I was looking for an office or two, to clean on the weekend. He massaged me a few days later and said he had carpet to put down in his truck and wanted to know if I wanted to clean the truck and help him lay the carpet.

I laughed at him and said oh so is that what you guys are calling it now laying carpet? He said no no really I seen you were looking to make some extra money and I need the truck cleaned. Doors, windows, windshield, shelves, bunk all that. I need the floor cleaned good so I can lay the carpet. I may need help getting it cut and laid down so it don’t take forever. I’m not trying to get you in my truck and do something. I said um hum sure I bet you have some candy too.

He said no we all pretty much keep the same truck we do what we want or with them and have to keep them clean. He said really if you talk to some of the other guys they may pay you to clean theirs out when they get back from their runs. Most don’t feel like it or want to take the time to clean them.

I told him I would have to see I wasn’t sure. That it would depend what time I got off work. it was Friday the kids wait up for me to get off and come home on Fridays since there is no school the next day. I had to go home normal time so they weren’t waiting because my little one gets tired and would fall a sleep.

I told him maybe one other night during the week when I got off since they would already be a sleep and I didn’t have to rush home. He showed up to put the carpet in the truck and show me he really had carpet and wasn’t just saying it and he really needed it cleaned. Earlier when we were messaging about it he asked me how much. I really don’t want to do it because it is late and I am tired after work. I didn’t want to do it being out there and in the truck and things because you know how people talk and I don’t want to have shit started about oh being in his truck or whatever. Even if just joking someone takes it to far and I would go off, say something and who knows where it would go from there.

I told him $25 he said that was steep, I said I don’t know never done anything like that before. He said it is only about 30 minutes worth of work probably. I said I don’t know how much is it worth or what do you think? What were you thinking to pay? He said no I pay it that is alright. I am just thinking it is late, I am doing this during the week after working two full shifts, I’m tired and even if it is only 30 minutes of work is it worth it to me for less than $25? It is a one time thing not full time like if it was an office or what i was looking for. So if he really wants it done and to make it worth it to me to do it when it is harder to do than cleaning an office really at least $25. Because I have to climb up in the truck get around and under everything in a tight space, up and down with supplies buckets of water and things to clean and clean the floor. bending under and around everything. I don’t have all that in an office I’m not bending under and around stuff to clean the fools or under the dash and things in an office. That is all hard on my back and getting all the buckets and things of water up and down. That is like cleaning bathrooms, making beds and that kind of thing that kills my back and I can’t do all the time. That is why offices are easier and I can go in there at 3 am on a Saturday or Sunday or 9 pm. As long as it is clean before they get back Monday. I am not having to do it after a double shift tired and wore out already.  I never did do it he didn’t get a hold of me over the weekend and is back out. I figure he will want to do it when he gets back. Hopefully he forgets it or does it himself.

He is a nice guy but just older than I am looking for and he isn’t looking for anything other than someone to go to dinner with or have drinks with once in a while when he is here and hook up with. I am not looking for that. I’m not looking to get into anything with anyone from work. Friends that is it nothing more.

 

Can’t Offer You More

I have talked about my good friend on here a lot, not to long ago in my post You Prefer People Like Me. We talk a lot and back years ago he told me he liked me he had always liked me but thought I wouldn’t be interested in him back in the day. I had liked him and was interested but I wasn’t one to say anything if they didn’t. This all came up when I was going through my divorce and he was separated from his wife and filing for divorce.

It was never really said as a I’m interested or want anything more now kind of thing. We were just talking about the past how we grew up, when we met back in 3rd grade then losing touch for so long and meeting back up again later on. He said something about liking me and still liking me when we started talking again when we were in like Jr. High and High school. He said he didn’t think I would ever be interested in him or some one like him. He always just watched from a distance. I told him I had been interested in him too. But that he never seemed to be in me so I didn’t think anything of it or to say anything.

We were friends and close when we first met when we were kids. There was a group of 3 or 4 of us that always played together every day and say together at school and things. Then we lost contact for a few years and ended up back at the same schools in Jr. High and High school we were friends but not as close as we had been. We seen each other and talked and things but didn’t hang out as much. Then after we got out of school we started talking more and it just kind of went from there and we have gotten pretty close again as friends. But over the last several years he has made it known he is interested in more. we talk and joke and things. He is that one person that I can tell anything to and go to for anything and if he can will help in anyway. But he is like me he is always busy and most always working.

When I am having a ruff time I will message him and we will get together and talk. even if just for a few minutes. He is the one that came over the night I was upset abut my dad and drank all day. I posted then about A Good Friend. I think that is when I really started talking about him on here.

 

That says it all, when I am having a ruff time I don’t even have to be that bad but he will come over and give me a hug and I can’t help it. It’s like he is that one comfort person that I can just let it all go and be venerable with. No matter what is going on. He don’t judge or make me feel like I am wrong for the way I feel or that it is my fault or that I shouldn’t feel that way. He will say yeah they are assholes or your doing all you can or whatever. He don’t sugar coat things either he will tell me I’m wrong or I’m being a bitch or whatever if I am. But he will help me figure out what is going on and what to do about it or how to handle it. Just let me vent when I need to.

But then he is always making comments about how things are at home and how he caught her cheating or talking to other guys, sending other guys pictures and things. A while back he was talking about divorce and she don’t do anything or take care of the kids and he is worried about them. I know she don’t I have been to their house and seen it. I can’t believe how it is and that she lives that way. I can’t believe he does either but like he said he is working 7 days a week. 12 to 16 hour days over night and then has to come home clean, cook, take care of kids and maybe get a few hours sleep if he is lucky. She works a normal 35 to 40 hour week but don’t cook or anything. I have heard her tell people before when they say something about having 3 or 4 little boys. Being busy and things she says he does it all I just see them a little before they go to bed.

Back in June he is wanting to hook up and hang out and things when I said something about going out and trying to meet someone. I told him he knew that wasn’t what I was looking for and things. He said he knows but that is all he can offer right now and his responsibilities and not just walking away from them. I wouldn’t expect him to do that. But I am not into “hooking” up and “hanging” out either. I want more and need more. Even if I didn’t I am not interested in that with him, not at this time. No mater what things are like an no matter how much I know about the way things are and the way they are with their relationship I am not looking to be in that situation with anyone. There is no doing anything if they are married or seeing someone, with someone. Just not what I am looking for or how I am.

He said it wouldn’t just be hooking up or a cheap whatever. I do have love for you, I just like I said have other things I have to take care of and can’t offer a relationship or what. I told him I can’t. We can be friends we can hangout, go out or what but it can’t be anything more than friends. He says he knows and he understands. Like anyone else we talk, joke around and make comments here and there. But then he sends me things like…….

This  talking about wanting to cook dinner together every night fall asleep together watching tv. wake up to morning sex, late night conversations and traveling the world together.

What am I supposed to say to that? How am I supposed to take that? What is he trying to get me to say? What does he want me to say?

Dose he want me to say go ahead and divorce her so we can be together? That I want him have feelings for him? Want to give this a try and see where it goes? That we will be together forever if he does? That I want the same with him? If not them what does he think sending it is going to accomplish? He already said he can’t offer these things.

To be honest I don’t know that I would want a relationship with him if he wasn’t with her or if they did get divorced. I wouldn’t rush into anything with him just as I wouldn’t and haven’t with anyone. As much as I want more and want a relationship and something that is going to last.

It would be hard because we have known each other for so long, know each other so well and know what each other have been through and where we are coming from. It would be so easy to just say okay lets be together and just do it. But then at the same time getting together in a relationship is a whole different level. We are great as friends but that don’t mean it is going to be great if we are together and going to last. But then you do know each other and know everything it is hard to not just rush into things. It don’t leave much to get to know about each other or what. How do you take it slow when you already know everything?

But I also know we are so much a like we may kill each other if we tried to be more. I think if it ever came to that between us I would be the one talking about lets just see how things go, see what happens. As much as I hate that and hate being told that, with him I think it would be the best approach because I know how he is.

But to get things like that out of no where when your not even thinking about that kind of thing with them and wouldn’t consider it because of circumstances and the things they have said leaves me a little confused.

Indirectly Invited To….

The guy that I was hired to replace at my nigh job, who ended up not leaving has made some comments lately. I for once have been left speechless.

A week or two ago he was talking about getting approved for a loan on a house. They are going to break ground in a few weeks. He was saying how he was thinking about buying the house he is in and the lot next to it. He said he was going to put a work area and pool over there. Then he says he thought about it and the kids were about grown so they would’t be around to use the pool. Then he says I told the wife oh we could have some fun swingers parties and laughed. Then says want to come to a pool party? I didn’t say anything just laughed and we went on.

Then the other night something was said on t.v about bringing a women home, he said yeah the last women I brought home my wife got kind of mad about. I don’t know if she got madder about me bringing her home or telling her she was for her.

There was another swingers comment and invite made as well. For the life of me I can’t remember what it was. I don’t know how to take it or what to say. It is kind of awkward, the way he says it, it’s like he means it and feeling me out to see what I say and then passes it off as a joke and goes on when I just laugh or make some kind of comment.

Do I have a sign that says hey I want to swing with you and your wife or be your partner for your next swinging event or lets make a profile and see what happens?

What has everyone into this? Have they always been this into it? Where have I been that I didn’t know so many were into it or notice? Or is it something that has been taboo and now all of a sudden everyone feels they can talk about it and don’t have to hide it? Why do they all feel the need to tell me and invite me? Again i don’t get it.

Don’t get me wrong I am not condeming it or think any different of anyone who is into it doing it, done it or tried it. I feel that as long as everyone is consenting adults then no harm done whatever they want to do. But it is not something I want to just jump into with someone from work and his wife I just met. Or something I want to jump into in a relationship right off the bat. Maybe once things are set and going good between us and we are together and doing good it would be something we could consider. I can see there being pros and cons to it.

Just like I told my “friend” I’m not saying no but not from jump. Yes we been doing this between us a while but when you start talking relationship that is a new area we are getting into and changes thing up. We need to figure that out, what that looks like, means and is going to work before we go doing things like that. This is all new for me and I need to check it all out too and he needs to know some things understand some things. Yes I trust him or I wouldn’t be with him in anyway friends or other wise but there are always risk when you are bringing others into it all.

As if dating and relationships aren’t hard enough everyone seems to want to jump into all this right out of the gate.

 

 

55+ Community

Friday night I worked later than normal and then had to backtrack over by my day job to find my bumper. That’s another post I will tell you later. But once I did that I went to my little store I normally go to so I could get my coffee on the way home.

I came out and there was a guy in a little red sports car backing out of the space next to mine. He stopped and was asking what kind it was and talking about what a neat car it was. Then he pulled back in and was talking. We talked for a bit about cars and different things. Then the question came are you married or have a boyfriend. I said no he told me he been divorced twice and things.

He proceeded to tell me how he was from the other county over and was on his way home from a POF date. How it didn’t go so great. There was no spark. He says I’m paying she goes all out orders this large thing with lobster. She could of just got a small. I’m just looking at him like your really saying this and trying not to laugh.

We talk a little more and he starts telling me about this great 55+ Community that he lives in!!! How they have 3 or 4 pools and a salon and barber and all this stuff there for them to do and use. How the kids would have so much fun if I wanted to bring them get away and come hang out for the day or weekend. I’m just grinning shaking my head and thinking. You think dinner tonight was bad because she oredred lobster and large. You have no idea what doing anything with 4 kids is going to cost. Not that I would expect him to pay but you get the idea. And does he really think that I am just going to load my kids up and drive 50 or 60 miles to spend the day or weekend with some guy I talk to one time in the parking lot of a little store? Even if there are “no strings attached” as he said. This just sounds safe in so many ways. For all of us, think I will jump right on that and make plans. As soon as I win the lotto.

My phone started ringing it was the kids. He said you have to get that? I said yeah I better get out of here I should of been home already. He said here I will give you my number if you would like to go out sometime give me a call. I said oh okay thinks took it and said have a good night got to go and left.

Why can’t I find someone decent closer to my age? He wasn’t really someone I would be interested in, the one from work seems nice and decent but what 15 or more year age difference is just to much. Then what do I have to pick from these 20/21 year old kids or the stalker. It would be nice to have just one close to my age that was interested and I didn’t have to worry about coming up missing or losing my eyes or something.

Maybe I am just meant to be alone. I really don’t think I am asking for to much and most say I should be asking for more so go figure.

34 to 54 and Us in-between

Over the weekend when me and Bff went out and we were talking she told me about this guy at work who has been talking to her. She said but he is only 34!!!

I laughed and told her I almost went out Wednesday for a drink with a guy from my night job before I had told her I would go with her. But I didn’t because I am not interested in him that way and I know he is. The kicker he is 54 or around there. He told me he had his first son when he was 25 and his son is around 29 now.

Then there is me and her 38 and 41. She is freaking out because he is so much younger and I am freaking out because he is so much older. She said something about the guy at work and his name. They have the same name.

At least there is only a 7 year age difference between him and her. But I am with her he is still so young. He has no kids never been married. I told her it don’t hurt to have some fun but be upfront that she just wants to be friends. Nothing wrong with dating or going out as friends.

The one at work is a nice guy but 16 year age difference he is like my moms age. I just can’t go there. He been married, divorced and has kids, he works, has his own place and things.

On top of that we all work together. Well not all of us but the guy she is talking to works with her and the one talking to me works with me. I don’t want to go there.

Why can’t we meet nice, decent guys closer to our age that have their shit together?

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