{September 10, 2019}   5 Days Off

It has been so hard to get caught up and get back into the swing of things after having  days off and running around and dealing with all that. I am tired but a different kind of tired than normal I just don’t know how to explain it or understand. My good friend said depression but this is different. I think that it is just that for about three days I laid around and didn’t do anything but listen to her complain that I wasn’t doing anything and listening to her freak out about how bad it is going to be. But I mostly just stayed in my room with the door closed and laid around or played with the kids.

I think it is just having that time to truly not do anything I needed and now my body is fighting going back to that daily routine of being neglected ran down and wore out. I am at my day job now and have a ton of things to do here and just don’t want to move to do them. Not that I don’t want to or feel like it. I want to do something just not work. You know how everyone says it’s such a nice day to nice to be working. I always just feel like it is just another day. Today I feel like closing up shop and going somewhere doing something getting out and living. But I have to get work for tomorrow, Thursday and Friday and I need to clean the shop area. I cleaned everything else Monday and Thursday. It was a mess since the cleaning lady hadn’t been here I did a deep clean but hadn’t had time to get the shop. I did the store, my office, the bathroom and the little break area.

I guess I better get off here and get something done besides watching netflix and writing. I have been here less than an hour and it feels like all day already. I have been a way for so long. I felt I should pop in and let you all know that I’m good and will try to be back more this week. It has given me a chance to read more and catch up with you all. So that is good.

{February 13, 2019}   Day 10 Song a Day Challenge

Not a song but this is my go to wjen I can’t sleep and think of it.

I do not own this or rights to it.

{December 7, 2014}   So Nice Being All Alone Tonight

I can’t tell you the last time I was alone where I could just sit down not worry about nothing or think about nothing. I can say this is the first time I have been alone in this house ever in the year we have lived here. I don’t know what has gotten into my mom she called and told the kids they could spend the night tonight. I figured she take the 3 older ones but not the baby. But she took all 4 of them. I can’t believe it. Father of the year hasn’t come in from work yet.

The house is so quite all I hear is the water through the filter of the frog tank and the dog walking around looking confused because the kids aren’t here. It’s so relaxing and calming. I am a little disappointed because the toy run is tomorrow and we have always went and taken the kids but now they are going to be there. We have went every year since I had my oldest. But they are so excited to get to go to grandma’s for the night. My little guy jumped out of the truck ran up knocked on the door was saying it’s me I’m here for a sleepover. I wasn’t sure the baby would stay she has never stayed with out me anywhere. I left to go get some milk for her I forgot to bring and went back she didn’t act like she even cared. When I left she just kept playing never said anything when the other kids were giving me hugs and things. I tried give her kiss she leaned over like she was going to give me one and then turned her head away and laughed. She is so rotten. She gives everyone kisses but me. I get kisses and hugs once in a while when she wants to give them.

Now I have father of the year calling me from work telling me he needs to help at work like I can do anything for him. That he needs to go to the er, how much pain he is in and all this. Like I care how much pain he is in. I care about as much as he did all the times I was in pain and could hardly move. Or as much as he did Monday when I walked my little one to school and couldn’t hardly stand up if I stopped walking I would fall to my knees if I wasn’t holding on to or leaning on something. I didn’t even think I was going to make it home and when I did I was in the front yard leaning on my truck in tears didn’t even know if I was going to make it in the house. After about 5 minutes I finally made it in to lay down. I had stayed up all night taking care of stuff for the kids and he refused help me with any of it earlier in the evening before he went to bed. He kept saying he had to go to bed then just sit there watching me do it til I got made said something then he went to bed instead of helping. No I don’t feel sorry for him that he has a kidney stone and can’t pass it. I don’t feel bad for him he is in pain. I hear the pain is a lot like giving birth if it is I sure don’t feel sorry for him. I have had three births with no kind of pain meds at all. He is really looking at the wrong person to feel sorry for him there.

He is in the middle of a call the people are waiting on him to get there and it has hit its worse. He been having pain off and on for a few days but been working so hadn’t had time to go anywhere for it.

He was out of town when he had the accident today they told him finish the trip. He got back from there had go about 60 miles south of us. Once he got back from there he picked one up took it about 30 miles south came back had a small break of maybe a hour then had to go back south 30 miles or so again and when he got back from that trip he had a call to go back over by where he had the accident. A second call came in right behind it to stay local. That call the car is lowered and has to be handled a special way. The other guy out hasn’t taken care of cars like that before so he told them to give him the our of town call and took the local one. Now he is sick in the middle of it.

I told him he is half way to the er we use to drop his car he has on the truck now and then go over there to be seen. If he gets any more calls he will have to tell them he is in the er they are going to have to pass them to the other guy. He should be back from out of town soon any how. He is off in 5 hours. He probably won’t get another call tonight before he turns the truck in. He was on the phone and all of a sudden he was just gone. Guessing he is unloading the car.

I am enjoying my time home alone without him and the kids here. He can tell the doctor what is wrong and be seen I don’t need to hold his hand. Who’s going to hold it when I’m not stuck living like this any more? Why should I hold it now the way he dose.

I think I am going to lay down I’m so tired I can hardly hold my eyes open.

{August 19, 2014}   First Days Of School

Yesterday was the first day of school here for all the kids but kindergarten and pre k. My kids should have went back today but we instead went to lunch and shopping. We are going to start school September 2, . It was nice not having to wake up early and fight with the kids to get dressed and rush around to catch the bus and run to god knows where to get the other one to school on time. The after school waiting in lines that go for blocks in the heat with the kids crying they want to go home and they want out of their seats to run around and play.

The kids didn’t seem to even notice that school had went back. It never really came up. When we were eating the waitress asked something about their first day. They just kind of looked funny and looked at me like they didn’t know what to say. Like they were going to be in trouble for not being in school. I just said we are home schooling this year our first day is in September. Later the cashier at the store said something to my daughter and she said we are home schooling we start next month. The cashier was young she looked a little surprised and like she wasn’t sure what to say. She then said something about lucky for her and to enjoy the rest of her summer.

I can’t wait to start school but I can at the same time. I just wish I could move before we start or he would move one before we start. It would be a lot better. I wouldn’t feel so stressed and we all wouldn’t feel like we are walking on eggshells all the time. I gave them their first assignment to do the blog thing because they pestered me and wanted to start school. It would let them get them up and going before they had to start adding to them all the time. He said it was to advanced for them. I have sat here and printed a months worth of work off for September. He sits here and says it looks like a lot of work to be done in that time and how it looks like it is going to be hard for them. He had no clue what it is or what they are going to be doing. Nor dose he have any idea what grade level the work is on. All that I have printed off is for their grade level. It looks like a lot because there is a lot of it that is reading and pictures and pages to go over what to do and how to teach the lesson. A lot of it covers the same things just different lessons to go along with it. A lot of it is stuff to talk about and do together in class not really written work. Some of it is projects, drawing and crafting stuff. Not a lot of writing at all. But he don’t know because he hasn’t looked at the first page of it. I sat here the other night and tried to show him and he didn’t pay attrition at all. Then he starts telling me on the phone how they could do a lesson on what he dose for work and what all he has to know and do and things. They always ask about what he dose and things if a lesson was put together on it then they would know what he dose and why/how. He acted like he didn’t like it when I didn’t seem interested in putting it together or messing with it. Sure its a ok idea but I have enough to take care of and teach. I know nothing about it and according to him what I put together for them to do is to hard.

et cetera
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