{August 22, 2020}   Not Dealing With Shit Tonight

As you know I am staying with JW for my covid cation as I am now calling it. Anyways no one lives in the house across the street they use it for meetings or parties. It is a biker clubhouse. They ask JW if they could park in the yard before and he said yes. Well they know I come over here and need room to park and almost never leave me room. To me it is just rude. Someone is letting you use their parking and you do not leave them room for even one car. They see me come up trying to park and know where I am going not one offers to move.

So today I come home and see people gathering over there and a car already parked in the lot of the empty place next to us. We are in a duplex. I pulled up across our yard kind of half an X. And just off the road into our parking/yard area. I have a much larger vehicle than before and they are not going to not leave me room to park or block me in so I can’t back out. I am sure they are pissed, I seen them looking when I parked and got out. I don’t care. I hope they say something I am going to tell them had you not been so rude every not for a week or more last time I wouldn’t care. But since you were I’m making sure i can park and get out. They will have the street and yards so full all the way down you can hardly drive down without rubbing another car. They want to start I will have them towed or their pow wow broke up. I don’t care if they are bikers respect is respect you get what you give. He say’s it’s the bikers I told them they could. But to me like I said before they know someone lives there even if they don’t have a car they may have company leave a space don’t be an ass. Then night after night they see me come over there don’t offer to move or take my space as soon as I leave. Not knowing if I am going to the end of the street to the store and back or what. Or not moving when i get back. Nope rude and I am not playing their game.

They want to talk about the bad image they have but all they do for the community. Then be that way. Seems the image they hold is for a reason and they are just putting on a show for the community. I got news for them they are nothing more than people and I’m not scared of them.

{January 12, 2019}   You’re Welcome to Come

I took the kids to school and dropped the car at the lot and headed to the store to cash my check. I decided to get something for lunch why I was there. I was in line and my phone went off, it was a text from the owner who’s mom passed.

“Don’t hate us but we have to reschedule today. I have so much stuff to get done for tomorrow & not enough time in the day.”

“Also I don’t know if I mentioned it to you before but you are more than welcome to come tomorrow.”

They are having his mom’s celebration of life today. I have went back and forth on rather I was going to go or not. I never got to meet her and I really just know my boss and his dad. I have met one of the other kids and talk to one of the girls on the phone. Other than that I don’t know anyone. I thought I had to work but I don’t and now I feel kind of obligated to go since he said that. I was thinking I would drop a plant off before work before. Now that I am off I feel out of respect I should at least go for a little bit.

It starts at 3 I don’t know if they are going to do something or just everyone there together people coming and going. I figure I would show up at 3 and stay a bit and go of it is just people hanging out. I have been to both have no idea what to expect for this one. I don’t even know if the other owner is going or not. He said before he probably wouldn’t go to her service. But I think he thought they were doing a funeral at the time.

Now I sit debating what to do and what the hell to wear if I go because none of my nice stuff fits anymore. It is all way to big to even try and get by at this point. I got up and left like i was going to work i am sitting here in the truck trying to decide what I am going to do.

You may remember my post the other day It’s Always SomethingSomething.

I had been offered a job that BFF’s husband my old boss help me get. Its guys he is working with. I did not end up taking it.


This job wanted me to work 9 am to 6 pm Monday through Saturday. That is 6 days a week 54 hours a week. They were only willing to pay $350 a week. Less than minimum wage to start with and nothing extra for the 14 hours of overtime. I told them I would not do it for less than $500 a week.

Well yesterday I interviewed for my new job and got it on the spot and started today. They are paying $350 a week same as the last job. But it is Monday- Friday 10-5. Thats 5 days a week 35 hours a week. That is 2 hours less a day or 19 hours a week less and a day a week less for the same $350 a week. With this job I started today I can make bonuses weekly.

So everyone out there know your worth, don’t settle. Don’t let people take advantage of you just because they think your desperate. Respect yourself and demand respect from others.

{May 11, 2017}   Attacked Again

Everything was going good until late last night when I got into a two hours argument with my mother. She was telling me how horrible my house is, how I don’t care about my kids, how I need to get this one shot at least for them, how I need to get rid of their things regardless what they thing, how everyone talks about me, and just on and on. She is mad I won’t move out of my house and move over there.

She started because I didn’t go take her to the store, she said call her when I drop the kids off at school, I had stuff to do I knew she didn’t go to bed until an hour or two before she wanted me to call her I didn’t feel like dealing with her. I figured I would just go take her whenever she finally got up and called me and was ready. I told her I could take her today but the kids got out at 1 and I had to drop her off by 3 to pick the other kids up and be somewhere by 4. She started about she might not be done by that time. All she needed to do was run to the bank cash a check go across the street get her hair cut and go in the store to get food. I would pick her up a few minutes after 9 everything is 10 minutes from her house. Okay may not be done by 12 but at least by 3 she still bitching.

She started about my house then how no one would take her places or help her and everything else she could start about. Then she started about some canned and boxed stuff she gave me the other night when I took her to the store we didn’t get home until after midnight when we got there at 7. She said she had some of it she got it but then didn’t use it check the dates there was two or three bags of food. I told kids leave it I would look at it later the next day. I went put Little Bitty to bed and things and came back through they put it away. They told me the checked the dates they were just trying to help. She started about that and she would just come over here and do it herself today. I said I would take care of it in a little bit I was going to. She kept on about coming here and doing it herself. I said I didn’t need her to I was taking care of it. She started about she knew I wouldn’t I was lying to her, what was the problem with her coming over here I wouldn’t care if my house wasn’t dirty and a mess. I said because like I said I can handle it I don’t need you coming over here to do it I said i would take care of it. Then she just kept on and on. I said look no one wants you over because you don’t come to see the kids or to see us, you come to see what you can find to complain about and bitch about. You come to see what you can try to force someone into doing right that minute because you want it done your way and right that minute. No I don’t if there is something wrong I am going to say something. I said nothing wrong other than it isn’t the way you want it think it should be or said to do it your way is not the right way to do everything or the only way to do it. Well I will just have so and so start bringing me over I am coming over to see my grand kids! she say, mind you grand kids she never wanted. I said see just like that someone won’t pick you up and bring you to their house because they don’t want you there but your going to get someone to bring you like see I am going to show you I will come anyway. I said that isn’t how things are or how you do things, and for that matter you can have whoever you want to bring you because just because you come or so and so brings you don’t mean I have to answer the door and let you in. What I can see my grand kids now she says. I knew what she was trying to say I just ignored her because that isn’t what I said. She started on and on in circles about everything.

I said look my brother has nothing to do with you he comes once a year if your lucky at Christmas. He won’t help you get your truck fixed he won’t help you move if you have to he won’t let you stay with him. My sister who lives in the same condos as you, will not help you, will not come over help you do anything that you ask her no matter how big or small, you hardly ever see her or the kids, and she will not let you live with her because of the way you do and have to have everything your way. I said me the one who is doing everything on their own with 4 kids and going to school, the one who has to make sure everything gets done everyone gets where they need to be and everything else is the only one that offers or tries to help you and all you ever do is attack me, all you ever do is complain about everything, nothing is ever good enough, nothing is ever right, nothing is just what it is, you always have something to say and you always start. I said you know I have somewhere to be I get there to pick you up you are not ready we wait forever on you to get ready, you don’t leave your house until you are late or about to be late for where ever you have to go, then we get there wait and you do what you have to, once we leave there then you inform me that you need to go to three or four different stores you can’t get everything at one or at the store two minutes from your house it isn’t good enough you have to get it at the ones that are fifteen minutes away. you take your time and I do not get to drop you off and leave until it is time for me to be where I have to go or past time and I am rushing around to pick kids up and get there.

Just stop, stop it now you know none of that is true and everything your saying isn’t true. You just need to stop and I’m not the only one that talks about your house or complains about it. I said it’s funny none of these other people have ever said a word to me about anything, if it was so bad and none of them are ever at my house to see what it looks like ever not even once a year are they at my house to see it. I just signed my 4 th lease, I think my sister has been to my house a handful of times and not even out of the truck most of those. My grandma has been here one time, and my mom has been here maybe 4. But they are experts on what my house looks like all the time. Because god forbid I was out of bleach and had not mopped my floor that day, we were washing clothes and cleaning other stuff doing other things, so clean clothes were on the couch, we were stripping beds and washing beds and washing everyone’s dirty clothes, so there was dirty clothes by the laundry room door. I have them bring everything from their beds and all their clothes that need washed and put it out by the door, This way when a load stops someone can walk in put it in to dry and just grab stuff and toss it in the washer without running around getting a load together it is right there. This gets it out of their rooms and out of their way so they can clean and things why they wait for their stuff back.

She then goes on to tell me how Father of the Year bitches about it all the time and how he is going to take the kids blah blah, and how RC said the same thing and how dirty everything always way. I said number one my house is as clean and probably cleaner than it was when father of the year was ever here because he never did anything and messed things up all the time, you can’t say that he don’t because you complain how he messes things up there and never helps. So keep taking his side yet again. Number two of course RC is going to say that when all he ever hears you say is the same shit. It’s easier to say that and split not look like the ass and not have to say why he was really leaving. I said funny when I talk to him and father of the year they both have way different things to say and how they are sorry they lied their asses off to everyone and about the shit that they said to people about me that wasn’t true. Number two if they both feel that things are so horrible and bad here, my kids are not taken care of, i don’t care about them, i don’t treat them good and everything is so bad here then why the hell have they both walked off and left them and not think twice about it? Why has father of the year told me over and over they need to be with me, he don’t want them all the time and things? Why did RC tell me I don’t know how many times he wouldn’t take her he just wanted to be a part of her life and why did he beg me to adopt his kids in case anything ever happen to him, he knew they would be taken care of, just days before everything blew up.

If I felt my kids were with someone who was all that bad like she is saying then I would be at the court house every day doing everything I had to do to make sure they didn’t stay there not off running around with whores and drugging it up. That kind of shoots everything they say out of the water.

{May 1, 2017}   Blocked

The scumbag and whore are still at it. I sent him a message telling him that I needed him to give me the money he was supposed to give me and he ignored it. I told him he is supposed to update me and the court with new number and address. I told him if he didn’t come and make sure the kids had what they needed I would be going to courts this week to have his support upped since he don’t take them and since he is paying on half the rate of pay he is really making. I sent him a picture of a harness thing I found outside and ask him what it was and what it was for. I figured it was for work and he was going to need it for work. I didn’t want to get rid of it and have that come back on me for selling their property. I figured I would give it to him if he wanted to give me the money he owes me or tell his job they could send someone to get it. He seen all the messages he didn’t respond. He didn’t say anything about the harness either. I messaged him and said I guess it isn’t needed or important either so I can get rid of it too since you are not answering. Still nothing. I have no way of contacting him what so ever if something was to happen to one of the kids and I needed to, he knows this and don’t care.

Saturday He posted on his page in a relationship with Wanda, I’m in love. Everyone was telling him how happy they were for him how much he deserves it and things. Mostly people from our old church and guys he use to work with. I started to post something telling how the whore was supposed to have been my best friend and moved in my house while sneaking around behind my back and not bothering to give his kids the money he owes them or taking care of them why he spends it on her. But I didn’t, I just left it alone. yesterday I tried to look at something on his page and send him a message and it said I was not allowed to see his stuff and that he was not available when I tried to message him. His phone is off because he didn’t pay it. But I think that he got a new one to start with because he had it turned off but not off like he didn’t pay it. Now it is off because he dint’ pay it. But I am sure the way he is he is not walking around with no phone and they are both on and off line all the time and neither one has a computer.

He posted a picture of the two of them looking fucked up I don’t know if they are drunk or high me and my baby. It took him two tries to even get it all up and it was on two different post so he was something because he knows how to post stuff.

I talked to her ex yesterday and he said she was wanting to come get her id still because she never did the other night. He said he told her to get it and that he stopped her mail. She got mad and wanted to know why and said he didn’t think that he needed to do that so soon. He told her she had moved the 21st and she had long enough. She said that she hadn’t even had time to find a place to stay and things. He told her to go to the post office and pick it up until she did. He told her again if she didn’t get her stuff by the 6th it was going in the trash. She wanted to pick up the cat, but not the rest of her stuff. I said where is she going to take the cat if she has no place? He said the same thing.
He told me that she told someone else they were a couple counties over yesterday just to get a way from everything here and clear their heads. I said isn’t that nice out spending money he says he don’t have why he leaves everyone here hanging. I said funny that is where they picked to go to “get away”. Right where they went was where I packed me and the kids up and went a few months after my dad passed away. No one knew we were going or that we went until we were back. He was mad wanted to know why no one told him or invited him? He didn’t even live in my house nothing and thought we should just invite him along. He says stuff about it all the time when it comes up he had just brought up the other week and what we did and where we went why we were up there. When he ask why we went I told him just that we went to get away from everything have a break we been through enough and sitting in the house wasn’t helping.

She also told him she was now known as the biggest bitch and everyone was mad at her and hated her. They were saying this had been going on for months and it wasn’t it just happened and it just happened with in the last few days. I said tell her that the biggest bitch wasn’t what he had heard and that was putting it nicely from what he had heard.

I say she is a whore I don’t just say it because of what she just did I say it because she is. Her brother and everyone says it. She will tell you oh I will do this or that for pack of smokes I slept with my ex’s friends because I was pissed at him. Oh my ex I just left all his friends I have slept with them but most of them were before we got together. Hell her ex now had a few guys come up and talking about being with her and she don’t even remember. She told me about being with my cousin and not even knowing his name until after when she asked him. She has those three kids has no idea who any of their dads are and just left them with whoever claimed them or she was married to at the time and left. It’s unreal how someone can do such a thing.

I knew she had a past but she seemed to have settled down not be doing that anymore and wanting to and trying to get her life straight. We just hit it off and became friends and like best friends after a while. Then she decided she wanted to get out of where she was because of the way things were and her health it just wasn’t making it any better. I trusted her and figured if she wanted to come here we could help each other out and it be great for all of us. She get to work get a car and things. I could go to school, work and do what I needed to do and not have to worry about my kids and who was or wasn’t taking care of them. Boy was I wrong.

{January 20, 2017}   Lazy, Rude, Disrespectful

There are about to be some big changes in this house this coming week or two and there are going to be some very unhappy kids. I do not care at this point. I am tired of them being so lazy, rude and all around disrespectful. I am not hard on my kids I expect them to listen, to clean up after their-selves, do their chores and just act like humans not animals. Don’t get me wrong they are well behaved and respectful everywhere and with everyone but at home and I am done with it. They act liked ungrateful lazy ass brats at home. My house is always a mess and/or cluttered. I can go through here and clean it from top to bottom and it can sparkle and with in 24 to 48 hours it is trashed you would never know I cleaned it just a day or two before. There will be toys all over, cups and papers, packages, empty bottles or whatever all over the place. They have very simple rules and chores and they refuse to follow them or do them. It is a battle all the time. Now even the simplest things that I tell them to do they act like I am not even here and never said a word to them. I was so pissed off tonight I told them you don’t want to listen and do the simple things you are asked or told to do and you want to be disrespectful of me and ignore me like I am not here then pack your stuff and get out. I don’t know where you are going to go I don’t care where you go just pack it and get out because I am not living with it anymore. I told them at 7 to get read for bed and get in bed. They had some chores and things to do so I figured it be maybe 8 by the time they got in bed after they did them and drug their feet and toddle off in between and took their time. If they just done them and got in bed it would be 730 or before because it wasn’t that much to do. They had no idea what time it was they thought it was later than that. So not like they just didn’t want to go to bed early. At 9 they were still up running around the house fighting complaining and making a mess instead of cleaning up. That is when I lost it and told them to get in bed now if they didn’t like it here they were free to move.

The oldest will be 13 a week from Monday her chores are to

put the food away after dinner and to load the dishwasher make sure the kitchen is wiped down and cleaned up’

Keep her room clean, she says it is her sisters mess and she trashed it but when I go in there every dresser night stand and anything else in there is piled high falling off with all kinds of random shit. her newspaper for the birds everywhere and other stuff all over.

wash her clothes at least once a week more if she needs something that she didn’t wash or already used and her bed stuff. Her basket is always running over and clothes all over the floor.

she is good about picking her stuff up out of the bathroom after her shower

she vacuums or mops the floors

Her birds are all hers to take care of she wanted them bought them with her own money they are her pet not family pet. She is supposed to clean their cage once a week. I think it has been 3 or 4 weeks since she has cleaned it. She feeds them and gives them water everyday at least.

Next in line Mr. King of Lazy my 11 year old his chores are

to take the trash and things out to the cans and make sure they are put out to the road and brought in. His brother helps with this.

Unload the dishwasher and help put food away

vacuum or mop

wash his clothes and bed once a week. His basket isn’t even in his room anymore not sure where it is and his clothes are all over his floor.

Clean his room

pick up his dirty clothes out of the bathroom and make sure it isn’t swimming in water when he gets done after his bath. His clothes are always laying in the bathroom floor in a puddle of water.

Mr. 6 helps a little everywhere and where he is needed

his main thing is taking out the trash with his brother

picking his stuff up in the bathroom when he is done put the tub toys in the bin not in the bottom of the tub

he likes to feather dust

help keep his room cleaned and his stuff put away not laying around the hosue

Miss. 3 almost 4

She helps feather dust

sometimes helps with trash

helps with the dogs feeding them

None of their chores are hard or take that long to do. Yet there are always dishes left in my kitchen, clothes in the bathroom, toys all in the tub, trash and mess everywhere. They get mad and complain about all they have to do. I know all kids complain and have to be reminded but this is beyond normal kids having to be reminded. They are reminded many times a day I didn’t give them set times to do stuff they can do it when they want to or when I have time and start cleaning I tell them to come do their chores so it will all be done. I expect them to be done every day. Then I can tell them and tell them since they won’t just do it without being told but they act as if i never said anything until I am freaking out and jumping on them. Then they want to get all upset and cry and say I am yelling at them. Well i have asked and told you to do the same 2 minute chore for 5 days now and you haven’t done it or any of the others. Some only get done once a week not even daily and they still just act like i never said a word.

We have a new rule now if they do not get their chores done at night they have to get up early before school and do them. This has helped some with things. I have been trying to clean up and get stuff back in order and help them keep them from having to clean up the huge mess they have made but they still don’t want to listen. I am going to one more time tomorrow try and get them to help clean up and things done. If they do not want to help I am going to just give them jobs and if they don’t finish them they will be up bright and early Saturday cleaning it up.

As for the over all not listening and fighting I am putting a stop to that too. I am working on what to do to put a stop to it. I think from now on if they don’t want to go to bed they can stand in the corner, if they want to fight or cause problems with their siblings they can start doing nice things for them. Clean their room, do their chores or whatever the other wants them to do if they started it. They will also start writing lines when they don’t list to me and ignore me like I am not here and didn’t say anything. If they don’t get them done they can get up early to do them as well. I may just make it a rule they have to get up early before school and write them just because I know they don’t like to get up early.

I have tried taking things away, rewarding for doing their jobs, taking all their stuff away taking tv away none of it works so now we need something that will work.

{November 18, 2016}   A Little Respect is Nice

Ok this says today or tonight but it was last night, I started writing it and had to stop and finish it today.

I finally tried to have a yard sale today I got some of the stuff moved out and put signs up. My friend stayed with me and stayed here why I ran the kids to school and went to lunch. We had to pack it up about lunch time but we just slid it up into the carport. We are doing it tomorrow and Saturday too.

my other friend the one who’s husband gets the food from work had some stuff in my freezer. She was storing it so that she could take it to her sons today. They are in South Carolina. That was fine, I had the room it wasn’t hurting anything. She told me last night she was coming today around 11/12. I told her that was fine if I wasn’t here that I had someone that would be here. I told her she would have to go through the house to get to where the freezer was and get the stuff. Doing this stuff for the sale I moved stuff to the back of the carport that I didn’t want to sell

The time she said she was coming came and went and they never showed up. I wasn’t surprised because I did’t figure they were going to go up there anyway. They talk about it all the time and never do even after making plans. So I had to take my friend that was helping me home to do some things. I took her home, picked up the kids, took them to therapy, went to pick my friend back up to come back over, pick up the little kids and go to the store to go shopping for some stuff.

I got a text after I left therapy saying they were on their way. I told her I be home in an hour or so I was out. Then I got broke down so I text her told her I was going to be a little later. She asked if they could just get the stuff from outside forget the stuff from inside. I told her I had stuff all over they needed to wait. I was standing in line at the store and got a text saying they had gotten what they wanted from outside not to worry about what was inside and to keep it. I was pissed, I was beyond pissed I told her I needed to go shopping this weekend that I needed room in my freezer I couldn’t just keep a bunch of this stuff. It’s like 20 bags of this and cases of that. I told her I had asked them to wait until I got home. She called said they have to go get a another cooler and stuff. I told her if she waited I was on my way here I see if I had enough room or not. Next thing I know I’m leaving the store and some one called my name. I looked up they were standing in line with a cooler. I just said oh hi I didn’t even see you. I really didn’t I wasn’t really looking at anyone just kind of past and through trying to get out of the store and home. I was tired and hurting. I kept going so I could be home when they got back here.

They came over I was laying on the couch on the carport I went in through the kitchen and went out I grabbed some stuff and gave them but not all that much really. I wasn’t thinking about my other friend could use some of it. Every thing I was pulling out or asking about her husband say not they can keep it or get rid of it. I finally just said fuck it and that was fine and they left.

Hours later she calls and wants to know if I was mad or why I was so mad? I said you know I asked you to wait until I got here and you just come over and go do whatever when you felt like it. You told me you were coming at one time and never showed up I had some one here. I tell you that I will be here and you can’t wait. She started I don’t understand I have been over there and all through your house or something and everything was fine. I don’t understand what is so different now. I said because I have everything out here everything going on I ask you to wait. She was like yeah I guess your right blah blah. I don’t even no because by that point I was getting pissed off again. I was so pissed when they were here. Then she is going to call me back hours later like she is trying to start something. That is how I felt she was trying to start something. She said whatever she said and said it wouldn’t happen again and hung up. Didn’t give me a chance to say anything.

When I got done today I not only had all that stuff I wasn’t selling pushed back there I then stuck everything else in front of it when I left so it would be under the carport and not in the driveway. I didn’t want them over here moving everything around. I didn’t want something to get broken because they couldn’t move it or didn’t care and just moved it however.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone messing with and moving my stuff around when I didn’t ask them to or tell them they could. I also feel it was very disrespectful of them to do it after I told them twice they needed to wait. I could hear her saying something to him before she hung up sounded like she was mad like she thought I was out of line for being mad. I really don’t care it is my house.


A good woman Knows God

She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without she will just be played with. A good women is proud, she respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor dose she expect them to lead her mind. She’s quite capable of articulating her needs. A good women is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, there for she gives love, she recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granite it soon disappears. A good women had a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will at times have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good women knows her past, understands her present and forces toward the future. A good women dose not live in the fear of the future because of her past. Instead she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love.

Pass this along to all the good women you know.

{April 6, 2015}   No Job For You Ha Ha

We have this house flipped upside down rearranging rooms and things. I ordered 8 new bookcases for the back room to have room to put the cases and cases of books that are in boxes taking up room and to put our school stuff on. 6 of them came Thursday or Friday. I asked father of the year to please put them together when they came he said he would. So far two have been put together. He has been working ok but then he sits here too when he isn’t a lot of times. They got new at work the other day the boss is retiring and this other guy no one really likes is taking over. One of the tow drivers said he didn’t know if he was going to stay and he probably wasn’t. We all thinking he has been checking on another job and know where. Father of the year has said all weekend he is going to work on my moms truck today and get the cases put together and get this house done once and for all today and tomorrow. I seen the other day the store up the street from us was doing on the spot interviews today. I really need a job and that is the problem any more is getting in to even talk to someone. I have never not gotten a job that I was able to get into talk to someone.

He was supposed to go to my mom’s to work on her truck the kids were going to go over there and hang out with her she told them they could for a bit today. I was going to go to the interview. I told him the other day they were doing them and I said something last night about it and that I was going to go. It is a little store that is 24 hours. I don’t want to work over night it isn’t a great area but they have the same group of people at night there all the time and different people always in the day. I figured it was for days I would work it. They were hiring for two stores a few different people I have lots of experience I would get something. Even if I had to do nights for a short time get up to days. I remind him of this last night right before I want to bed. All I have heard all weekend is that he just knows x is leaving and he won’t be in today he bets and all this. That he don’t care he has so much to get done and we have things we need to do no matter what he isn’t working today the other guy is going to have to or they are going to have to work it out he works all the time blah blah. I heard him leave this morning and he knew to walk me up if I wasn’t when he got home so I could take my oldest to get her blood test since she had to fast for it. Then I was going to get ready and drop them off if we couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the van and go to this interview. I woke up at 10 something. I look at my phone he text me at 8:30 he had to work today. Not even the balls to call and tell me or come tell me and waits a hour and half after he had to be there to tell me. I call he is a few houses up picking up a car says he is going to tell them I have to go to this he is going to have to take off a little bit. Surprise surprise he never did. Then he turned his phone off shortly after so I couldn’t call him after he answer I start talking and then he hang up on me. How many times before have I said he tells me go find something I will be there to watch the kids so you can work or go to interviews. Like the last time and when I needed to go to the doctor he wouldn’t show up so I could. I called his job got the dispatcher lady. I said hi can you have father of the year call home his phone seems to have gotten turned off he don’t know it or something. It’s really important that I talk to him. Amazing in just a minute his phone was working again. His age old excuse it died. Funny we have the same phone and it last all day any other time. He was able to call me when she told him I called. I said something about him not coming to watch the kids and now they were over he said I didn’t see you getting someone to watch them either. Why would I find someone to watch them when he was supposed to be here and doing all this today? Then he started about he don’t live here he don’t have to worry about it. I said well you don’t live here your days off your supposed to have the kids so why don’t you and why haven’t you made arrangements for them since it is your day to have them? Then he through it back on me it wasn’t his place he didn’t need to worry about it because they are mine too. True they are but I shouldn’t miss job interviews or even work if i get one because he tells them he will work on his day off. It isn’t my place to make arrangements for them when it is his day off and he decides to work the last minute either. Where we live he dose not have to work his day off if they do not ask him 24 hours ahead of time to do it. So he don’t have to do it like he says. It isn’t like he is working a normal 9/5 or 8 hour a day job he is on 24/7  6 days a week from 7 am when he goes in the first day until 7 am the 7 th day when he goes parks the truck and turns his paper work in. So he don’t even get a full two days off really either. 90% of the time he is gone and on calls. If not it is up in the middle of the night he is crying he is tired and dose nothing. I understand he is but then he needs to take his days off and do the stuff he needs to do says he is going to do and see his kids like he is supposed too. I

told him I am not only asking for child support I am asking for alimony as well because he has kept me from getting a job the last two years. Even when I had to go to the doctor he wouldn’t come home when he could I had to put my little one in daycare so I could go and then half the time he wouldn’t pay that until it was weeks behind they were threatening not to take him. He never did pay them the last week that he was there I pulled him because he wouldn’t and skipped my last couple doctors appointments I needed to go to. When I tell the judge sir he went to work at 4 am could be off by 2pm have 8 hours in and if he wanted worked till 4 pm have over time still be home in time to be with the kids so I could go to work or doctor but would jump on a truck and take off across the state until 10 pm sometimes even taking my truck telling me he be home between 2-4 and leave me stuck with no way to get any where or to even get my kids home from school at times. Make me miss doctors and everything else. How he told me to put him in daycare he would pay for it then not pay it I had to pull him out. But then tell me to put them in daycare so I could get back to work and he would pay it. How was I supposed to believe that? He has a track of already not paying or coming home so I could work. I don’t think he is going to look to kindly on that. I am going to tell him if I can’t get it permanently I want it for at least the next 3 to 5 years so I can go to school and get on my feet. He got mad I know you will and you will probably get it we been married over 10 years now. Like that is my fault as well. I tried to divorce his ass at the 6/7 year mark he stopped it fought it and didn’t offer to get it back in court. Guess he is starting to see where living on father of the year time gets him.

He went on to tell me what a bitch I am, that I am psycho and that’s why everything happen yesterday with my sister. He wasn’t even there and he even knows what we talked about what she said he was there when we were talking about buying the stuff and what to get he was going to try and stop at the store and get it. All kinds of other stuff. Then back to calling me whatever names he could think of. I asked him what about this or that and this time then his reply knowing it is true is I don’t have to answer to you. Yeah because you can’t because you know your in the wrong.

At some point he decided to pop off about my little bitty’s dad RC and that is why he don’t want me and want to be with me. I am so tired of hearing it from him about all this shit he knows nothing about and running his mouth about stuff that has nothing to do with him. Then he hung up on my again. I had it. So I text him.

I told him since he wanted to keep bring RC up and talking about things he had no clue about and in no way shape or form had any room to be talking about anyway that I thought he may as well have some facts so he could get his story straight and not have to make shit up and lie when he tells it but that I knew he wouldn’t do that any way because it just make him see himself in the light that he is really in even more and that he wouldn’t like it. So there was no way he was going to ever tell anyone the truth. But that I was going to tell him anyway so that from now on he would think of the truth every time he wanted to bring it up and through it in my face. That would get to him more than he could get to me with it.

I told him that yeah we were not together that long and he did what he did. But that the time we were together that RC treated me 10x better than he ever had in all the years that I have known him and we been married. That he treated me and the kids like he cared and like we mattered and what we needed and wanted mattered. That like most men that we came before anyone or anything including work. That if he said he was going to do something or that we had plans to take care of things he didn’t decide at the last minute to go to work and back out or get to us when or if he felt like . I said no he isn’t here he did what he did but at the same time at least he isn’t here saying he is going to do this or that and not showing up when everyone is waiting or his kids are waiting. Then trying to push it off on someone else and blaming them. He isn’t here making everyone’s life miserable. Leaving his kids sitting and waiting for when he deicide to do something with them. He is either all in or all out I rather have someone be all in or all out not just playing daddy or house. I truly think if I had figured out what was going on before things went as far as they did that we could still be together and worked things out. If I hadn’t said some of the things I did there in the end things would have been better even now between us even if we weren’t together. We both said and done some things that we shouldn’t have and it is on both of us the way things are.

I never got a response from father of the year after sending the text and his attitude was completely different since then. I was really shocked it was for the better. I figured it was really going to piss him off and it was going to be a really bad night. But it hasn’t been so far. But I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. RC is the complete opposite than he is when it comes to really being there and his family and things when he isn’t messed up in the stuff he is and doing right. A lot more people have seen and know how father of the year is now and they know how RC was and can tell him the same things. He has left work to come home to take care of things that happen or what and then went back. Guess what he worked for the same place father of the year works now. He never got in trouble they never got mad. He didn’t lose his job but because he is upfront with them honest with them and he gave respect and expected it in return. Father of the year they see they can say or do anything and tell him anything and make him do anything he will just do it if they say it. RC wasn’t that way. He didn’t mind working a extra day for someone or helping extra hours. But if there was stuff like today that needed to be done or taken care of he tell them I have to do this first if I can I will come in later or I can’t today but if I get it all taken care of I will come in tomorrow if that will help. They understood. They just see father of the year is a push over they can get him to do anything.

Oh and he said I don’t know what kind of world you and X meaning my  A Good Friend live in or RC and everyone where you think you can just go around and make the rules and tell people how everything is going to be. I said we don’t again it is called respect. Going to work on time not missing work when you don’t have to, not liying and missing work or taking off, going in on time not late 5 out of 6 days 52 weeks of the year. It’s hussling when you get there and doing your job right and not taking all day to do it and being over all a good employee. Then people don’t take advantage of you. If they do you can speak up and say something. You have other job options if they do because word gets out your a good worker so then they don’t want you to leave and go somewhere else so they treat you better. He said I took that time off because of your dad. He took off a week when he only needed a day. I told him over and over to go back to work they were going to be mad we were going to need the money. He was going to need time off when he passed and things they would be mad because h miss so much. Sure enough he couldn’t even get off to be there with or for the kids when it happen or nothing because of it.

{January 31, 2015}   Taking Care Of My Dad

I went Wednesday and Thursday to take care of my dad. Wednesday wasn’t bad, I got him to eat a pudding cup and helped him get changed and just spent time with him. The kids sat at the kitchen table or on the couch and watched tv or played with a couple toys that were out. They weren’t allowed to go in the playroom. Thursday I took their tablets and they did the same sat and played with them read or watched tv.

Thursday my dad got up to go to the bathroom and came out and wanted to take a shower. The aid was supposed to be coming to help him with it I tried to tell him he insisted on taking one right then and there. So I told my brothers daughter what I was doing and called him to see if we had to go in with him and give him one or if he was still doing it himself. He said you had to go in help him. So I did. The kids were out in the other room. My brother got home for lunch why I was in helping him get a shower.

I got him all dressed and we came out. He was in talking to a lady from hospice that came to sit with him in case we needed to do anything or what. He went in the kitchen. I got my dad back in bed and settled and went to get him a drank or something. I asked my brother what he was talking about bringing someone in to take care of him?

He said he was getting someone to come in 3 days a week Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. That we could split it and things. I told him again I could be there Thursday and Friday but not Wednesday. That I didn’t have money to pay someone to take care of him and that I was there to do it. I wanted to do it not some stranger. He started that the house was crazy with the kids there and there being a new baby and daddy in there sick. That they weren’t letting him rest and he was stressed out over it and that he was getting this lady to come in and we could work out paying for it later and that it would be taken care of one way or the other. I told him I wasn’t paying someone to come there and take care of him when I could do it and wanted to do it myself. He said no I couldn’t and all this. I got mad I told the kids to come on we were leaving to go tell grandpa bye.

I went in and sat down and talk to my dad. I told him I loved him I was going to go and take the kids home because I didn’t want them to bother him, stress him out and keep him from resting. He said they weren’t. I already knew. I said well that is what I am being told. I was told that I can’t come and take care of you he wants to have this other person do it. He said I can’t rest anyway that lady sitting here all the time. I told him he could tell her to leave or go in the other room. But that I couldn’t take care of him because my brother wouldn’t let me. He ask me what day it was I told him he wanted to know the date I told him. He said just wait we will see. I said well this is how he wants it so. He just said it again we will see. I didn’t know what he meant by it and he said he was getting mad. I said I am not trying to upset you or make you mad. I just want you to know that I love you and I will come take care of you any time but that I am not being allowed to he don’t want us here. I said just like we talked about when you were in the center last week. You see the first two days and this is what he is saying doing. I told him I would be back to see him either Friday or over the weekend. He said ok.

I also told him when he was talking about it if they couldn’t take care of him then I would take him home and take care of him not have some stranger doing it all the time. He got all mad and blew up that wasn’t happening and he wasn’t coming to my house. How my house was filthy and dirty I have dogs and kids here. He has only ever been to my house once when he rushed down here and took my dad home the other week when he tried to come see me and the kids and have dinner. My house isn’t dirty. His house stinks he has carpet the dogs have pee on it and everything else. I have my dog that is about 50 lbs and the two pups. One of the pups is going to a home. He has a dog that is bigger than my dad down there that could knock him over or anything.

I am going tomorrow when father of the year is off and talking to my dad. I am going to tell him just like we talked about before if he wants to come here then we will go get a trailer and get his stuff and bring him home tomorrow if he wants. He will have his own room with a bathroom. It is at the other end of the house so if he wants to rest he can the kids are in the living room or play room so he won’t hear them. His bathroom has a shower he can get in and out of and it is big enough that he can bring whatever he wants and put in there. If there isn’t room then we have other places we can put it.

I know if he dose my bother is going to have a fit because there is something he is worried my dad is going to tell someone. He don’t want anyone to be alone with him. He keeps making comments about him and things too like he just needs to go ahead and go and things. He isn’t in good shape at all but he knows all that is going on and things. He says he isn’t in any pain the meds are working good and things. He just don’t like it he can’t take care of himself and things. But he isn’t ready to go.

I figure he is going to start calling people and sending them to my house if my dad decides to come home with me. All I got to say is he better thank really long and hard about it and he better thank twice after that. Because everyone knows something about them that if they get called on they wouldn’t let my dad stay with them and there may be no kids in that house for a while as well and some in trouble. If he starts with me I will most differently say something. I don’t like the idea of his old lady taking care of my dad nor do I trust her really to.

I left the lady was there for another 2 to 3 hours and the aid was supposed to be coming in so I knew he would be taken care of. I kept wondering what he meant by wait and we will see or wait and see. I thought of it when I went to bed Thursday. He wasn’t going to go for this person taken care of him and he wasn’t going to let her or make it easy for her probably.

Sure enough Friday before 7 I get a call from my brother wanting to know if I was on my way. I been going there about 10 so he knew I wasn’t. I said no why? He said because dad has a big mess here and needs to be cleaned up and help and he is refusing to let me do it and says he don’t want anyone to help him but you. I said well I have to get dressed get the kids up and ready and get up there. It be at least a hour probably before I could get there. He said I will just have to talk to him and get it done. I’m going to be late for work and everything. Hour and half two hours later he calls me back and wants to know if I am coming up today and telling me all this stuff that needs to be done and everything. I said no I wasn’t palnning on it other than maybe later of a few minutes to see him. He said well I guess I will have to do it at lunch time and be late back to work again. I said well I wanted to do it and you told me I couldn’t you didn’t want me to and that you were going to pay someone to come in and do it. So I have things I need to do and planed to take care of today. Well she can’t come til next week she is sick and blah blah. I said well I don’t know. I have to go somewhere I don’t know when I will get out of there or how long it will take. Thanks for nothing he says and hangs up the phone.

I text him told him not to call me telling me thanks for nothing and hang up on me and that this wasn’t my doing this was his. That he insisted that I couldn’t come there and take care of him that he didn’t want me to and that now he is in a jam he wants me to come up there that isn’t how it worked. I wasn’t here to just come when he is in a jam that if he don’t want me to do it any other time it was a problem it would be then to.

He had the nerve to text me back say that all he said was that his wife wasn’t a maid and his daughter wasn’t a babysitter. I said she hasn’t been a maid the kids drank out of a cup why they were there I bought them lunch and they didn’t even use plates or nothing. That I was there with the kids all day both days and they sat on the couch and watched tv or sat at the table playing with their tablets. That the only time I wasn’t right there with them was why I was in the bathroom giving him a shower and cleaning him up. But I guess I should have made it even harder for my dad and had them all in there with me like it was a show. He just text back and said well I’m just saying that if you can’t respect my house then stay out of it. No one has disrespected his house.

I wanted to go today and yesterday to see my dad but I didn’t because I am not fighting with them to see him. I am not going by myself because they are not going to start with me and then tell everyone I did this or that or said whatever. Just like he is trying to do about taking care of him. I want someone with me because if my dad says he wants to come stay with me then I am bring him then. We have to get all his stuff.

There was no reason my brother couldn’t help him he has before and my dad didn’t care a couple days ago if father of the year helped him. I asked him if he would rather me or him help him when he needed to change and things. He said he didn’t care. I just done it. So why would he care that my brother help him? He also knows I don’t come that early and that I can’t be there that fast it takes at least 30 minutes or so to drive up there if I can just walk out the door get in the car and go. He just mad about the way my brother is doing and he thinks if he insist enough or gives them a hard enough time then they will have to let me come and do it.

If that happens then I am going to tell him I can’t come to there house and sit for hours and hours all day like a full time job so I am now going to take him home with me where I can take care of him and do what needs to be done for my family as well. I feel that if they can’t do it then he needs to be somewhere that someone is home and can do it. Just like my brother saying of if you can come Monday and Tuesday as well and help his old lady out as much as I can it would be a big help because she is off them two days. But she has school work to do and that is when she makes her appoinments and all this. So basically we will be at work these three days come all day and sit with him and then these two days we don’t want to do it or can’t so you come do it then too. Then why is he there if they can’t do it? I don’t see why she can’t do her school work them days either because there isn’t that much to do for him. He may need changed here and there and someone to make him lunch. Most the time I just sit there with him and spend time with him, get him up and sit outside with him and things. Other than having to give him a shower the one day. Most the time the aid dose that. Her daughter is there as well and can even make him lunch or feed him. Most the time he feeds himself.

He makes me sick too he says oh we need to pay this lady to come in and take care of him. Then he says when she isn’t doing stuff for dad she is going to clean up and do stuff around the house so that it isn’t falling apart like it is. Well if there isn’t that much to do for my dad she is going to be mostly there to clean there house. Why should I pay someone to come in and clean their house? Their house is never clean he just wants to try and put on this whatever because these people are in and out of his house now.

My house isn’t spotless but it isn’t dirty it don’t spell. It is clean it is lived in and it is a little cluttered but not dirty. He can say what he wants.

I am here most all day every day unless we have a doctors appointment or something to go to. Tuesdays I’m gone for about 2 hours or so. I can arrange for the hospice people to be here with him or get someone to come sit with him.

et cetera
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