I Find It Funny

How do guys meet you and think it’s great that you “aren’t like the rest” But then try their damnedest to get you to screw around with them, or “help” them out.

It’s like okay are you not listening? Do you know how stupid you sound and look? Do I look desperate to you? What is it that makes you think that your so great or special that we just met, started talking or been talking and I am going to just say oh what the hell and do it? Especially when we aren’t even talking a relationship or interested in one. They say they just want to see where it goes, just want to be friends, not looking for a relationship. You tell them what your looking for and they still think your just going to make an expression or change your mind for them.

I know it’s the sliver of hope they have and it’s the fun of trying. But dang, I think I would get tired of trying and feel like an idiot for trying after a while. It never crosses my mind to even keep trying if I know someone really isn’t interested. I guess that’s why guys and women are so different.

As bad as the other one telling me you really aren’t like the rest. But you just don’t get how this works. You need to………….

Yes I know how it works and I have no desire to play that game. I have no need to.

5 Days Off

It has been so hard to get caught up and get back into the swing of things after having¬† days off and running around and dealing with all that. I am tired but a different kind of tired than normal I just don’t know how to explain it or understand. My good friend said depression but this is different. I think that it is just that for about three days I laid around and didn’t do anything but listen to her complain that I wasn’t doing anything and listening to her freak out about how bad it is going to be. But I mostly just stayed in my room with the door closed and laid around or played with the kids.

I think it is just having that time to truly not do anything I needed and now my body is fighting going back to that daily routine of being neglected ran down and wore out. I am at my day job now and have a ton of things to do here and just don’t want to move to do them. Not that I don’t want to or feel like it. I want to do something just not work. You know how everyone says it’s such a nice day to nice to be working. I always just feel like it is just another day. Today I feel like closing up shop and going somewhere doing something getting out and living. But I have to get work for tomorrow, Thursday and Friday and I need to clean the shop area. I cleaned everything else Monday and Thursday. It was a mess since the cleaning lady hadn’t been here I did a deep clean but hadn’t had time to get the shop. I did the store, my office, the bathroom and the little break area.

I guess I better get off here and get something done besides watching netflix and writing. I have been here less than an hour and it feels like all day already. I have been a way for so long. I felt I should pop in and let you all know that I’m good and will try to be back more this week. It has given me a chance to read more and catch up with you all. So that is good.

Much Needed Lazy Day

Monday was my Little Guy’s last day of vpk, he will start school the 16th. We only had one place we had to be today and that wasn’t until 4:30 so I turned the alarm off before I even went to sleep and turned the phone down so I wouldn’t hear it and I slept for a while today. I was up and down a few times this morning. Then went to sleep for a while longer. Even after I woke up I laid here for an hour or two before I finally got up about 11:30.

I made all the kids take showers and do a load of laundry and we still ended up leaving early for therapy. We stopped at the thrift store up the street from our house the kids ended up getting a stack of board games and Little Bitty got a big nice Elmo board book. We stopped got drinks and went on to therapy.

After we left there I dropped the three little ones with Father of The Year and my and my oldest went to the store. I got flowers and a vase for my friend and we went up to see her. I hadn’t been up since I left Monday when they kept her, but she knew I probably wouldn’t make it back until at least today. She was surprised to see the flowers I think. She was saying how nice they were. I found a vase it said live, laugh, love on it. I thought it a little nicer than just a plain vase. I told my oldest I wanted to go see her and get her some I didn’t know if anyone had been to see her or brought her anything. She is feeling pretty bad right now and scared with everything going on and last Friday being her birthday and all and spending it in the hospital, then finally being admitted Monday. She thought it was her stomach and things and they are now telling her it is her heart. I spent an hour or so with her and came home. Ended up spending forever in the store when I went in for fries and drinks. Walked out spending over $60. I found my Big Boy shorts they had on sale and a few shirts. I got Little Bitty a night gown we are working on wearing clothes and gowns when we go to bed, she just had a long sleeved one from winter I tried to get her to wear. I got a few shirts and disappointed because the one doesn’t fit. I hate returning stuff but I guess I have too. Of course if I get into the gym like I want I should be able to fit in it in a few months but I need clothes now.

Now I am about to take one of the two midterms I need to take by this evening so that I have it done and out of the way. Then I will have one study guide one midterm and one lesson to have done this evening.

Tomorrow I have three places I need to go only two I have to go to and we don’t have to be to the one until 3 and the other I go straight to when I leave there. I need to take Little Bitty to the doctor to get her stuff done since they didn’t do it last week but I can take her there Friday or Monday or even wait until the kids start School next Wednesday and take her.

Friday I am back to running my mom and grandma around again. I have to take grandma to the doctor at 11 ¬†or 12 something. Then I have to take my mom to the college to do her test. I may just take Little Bitty to the doctor why she is doing her test who knows. I love that their doctor takes walk ins for anything and everything whenever. Ah I just thought with school starting next week they will be slammed packed with kids. I think I will wait until the first day of school. The big kids have to be there by 9 and I can go straight from there to the doctor with her and they shouldn’t be so busy. That will be a Wednesday in the middle of the week as well. I think I will do that instead.

I better get off here it isn’t getting any earlier and I need to get at least this one test done. It is mostly all writing as well. Maybe I will just do my study guide get up early do the one test and then do the other one when I get home. I just feel so much more relaxed doing them in the evening but not when I have to rush because they are due in a little bit. I am going to go check everything out see what I decide to get done.





New Memories

I went to see my dad yesterday he seemed happy to see me I hadn’t been there in two day. Me and the kids got him up in the wheelchair and took him outside and for a walk. He seemed happy to just be out of his room. He is use to being outside all day everyday. I know now that he can’t get up and move around without the wheelchair he isn’t getting out much. The kids sat there in his room and watched tv with him and talk to him.

He asked me again about the day and date. I told him I told him he knew he could come stay with me if he wanted to and he could come then or today it didn’t matter. Father of the year was off and we could move him and his things. He looked at me so upset and said I messed up. I said what do you mean you haven’t messed anything up? He said I messed up I’m to weak I can’t move. I told him he wasn’t he could move any time he wanted to. That if he wanted to just say it and I would make it happen whatever I had to do and nothing no one could do about it. He said he couldn’t he couldn’t make the trip. It isn’t that far about 15 miles or so. I don’t know if someone said something to him if hospice told him he couldn’t or what. I am going to talk to him and see what he says about it. If hospice told him he can’t I got news for them if he wants to come here then he will rather they like it or not. If they refuse to help because he moves then they can just go on and I will take care of it. He isn’t going to stay somewhere he don’t want to be just because of what someone tells him. If he feels up to it then he is fine. If they don’t want to transport him I will put him in his van and bring him. He is feeling good enough to sit in his chair go for a walk he good enough to go on a car ride.

We got back from his walk he sat outside for a little bit and I took him his meds and a drink. Then he said he wanted to go back in and lay down. I took him in and got him set up in bed. He just lay there and look around and things then close his eyes. Then he look around. The kids weren’t doing anything just talking and moving around. But when they would he look to see what was going on. I asked him if they were bothering him he said not. I asked if he wanted us to go out so he could rest he say no. We stayed a little longer he seem like he wanted to rest but just could’t get to sleep. I asked him if the kids were starting to bother him. He look like he didn’t want to say it but he said yes. I told him that was ok I was going to take them home let them get out move around and let him get some rest that we would come back today and see him. I asked him if he wanted me to come back by myself or if he wanted me to bring them back with me today and he said he wanted me to bring them back today and see him.

Waiting on everyone to get ready so we can go they are all in rear form so I am having second thoughts about taking them. I was going to go by myself but father of the year thinks they should go he wanted me to bring them. I could take them back in a few days to see him. I’m about over him and them already today just the fight to get ready. I will probably be leaving them here in just a few minutes.

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