{August 2, 2020}   He Is On The Plane

He was suppose to leave at 4 today. Then they cancelled his flight. Then in a little bit they said he was leaving at 11am. On his way or once he got to the airport they said 11:45. I didn’t sleep last night I fell back to sleep this morning when he was on his way to the airport. I woke up about 20 minutes ago seen they changed it to 11:45. I messaged he said he was on the plane. He stop responding I am guessing they have taken off.

He made me mad last night when they changed the time. He called and was telling me. I asked him who was picking him up from the airport? He was there with 2 of his kids and mom in the car. He says I thought you. I said I don’t know if I can this is why I ask you before you ever left. I have a lot to get done on the weekend and the kids. He knows with the kids it is hard for me to get away. I hardly see them during the week and things.

This weekend we have this hurricane coming over/by us that was supposed to be bad weather start hours before he was to get here. Then I am dealing with my drains backing up through my house again. Just paid a plumber $200 few weeks ago. And they have done something to my a\c it is flooding my house. Top it all off I am fighting with this bitch who has brainwashed my kids into thinking if anyone walks in the house they are going to catch this bullshit covid and they are going to die. Including myself. When I walk in they have their mask on until i go to the other room. It is such bullshit with her she really needs something to happen to her. Now she has money refuses to move. That’s all another post.

Point is I have all this going on have asked him since this trip was planned to get someone to pick him up. Took time off work to take him so he didn’t have to ask someone to. But then he sits here in front of all them and says you are i thought we talked about it before I left. They are in the background worried and we hope you are and aren’t you? I am telling him the shit I have going on here and dealing with that he knew nothing about. He say’s if you don’t want to. If you have other things to do, i know you are busy on the weekend. Like I just don’t want to do it and I am backing out leaving him stuck because I told him I would. I was pissed off. He say’s I will call so and so see if they will come. He has to go.

He messages me say’s he found someone. I told him about it he saying no that isn’t how it is. That’s not how it looks. That is how he made it seem made me look like an ass like I’m leaving him stuck. He called me later after they had left and his mom was going to sleep. He could tell i was made im talk to him later didn’t want to get into it over the phone.

Maybe I am wrong maybe but it is how it sounded and how it made me feel. I felt like i did something wrong and should be saying sorry that I wasn’t coming to get him. I figure they assume girlfriend of course she is going to pick you up. But then way he talked and him saying i thought we talked about this and you are. Every time we talked i ask how he was getting home who he asked and things and told him i didn’t know what he was going to do either. He didn’t find a ride there i just finally told him i had taken the morning off was going to. But I wanted to and was able to. He knows I would of picked him up if i could. I was actually thinking about and trying to go get him if I could. But never told him that. Because i did not know if I could the time his plane was coming. I figured if i could i would just let whoever was supposed to know i was going. But then with all this going on and the up in the air with when he was leaving and getting in i just couldn’t.

I don’t know how to feel about it. It like he just assumed even after telling him to find someone i would just do it or was going to. If he did it that way i would just say ok drop everything and do it. That made me even madder really made me not want to go or care how he ended up home at that point.

He is on his way and found someone. I am going to go see him once he gets here if this storm stays away.

{December 27, 2019}   Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday for my birthday I had to work both jobs, it really wasn’t bad both were really slow so an easy day/night. I had already planed to take off by 9 from my night job to go have a few drinks with friends and unwind after dealing with her Christmas.

My friend I got back in touch with over the weekend (we will call him, J.W. said he wanted to go and Bff was talking about going. He messaged me off and on all yesterday. He asked where I wanted to go I told him I wasn’t sure. Then when I was getting to my night job he said lets go get some dinner. I told him I had to see and he said his treat.

I got off at 8:30 because it was so slow. The guy the works with me said earlier lets get out of here early tonight. I said that is fine with me I was planing on leaving at 9 anyway. By 830 it was so dead I said can we get out of here yet? He laughed and said go I’m not far behind you.

I went and picked up J.W. and we headed over to the island. We had been talking about what was open. We seen this Restaurant bar in down town open so  we decided to go in there. They have been around here forever when I was a kid but I had never been in there. I got the shrimp basket with cal slaw. It was really good. We sat there for a bit talking then we rode around for a while talking. I dropped him off and went home. It was about midnight then.

I messaged and told him thank you that I had a good time. He said he was glad and we needed to do it more often. I told him I was going to start going out once a week like I was before, He said it sounded good. I want to do more than just sit at the place and watch people sing or try to and do nothing. I want to start playing pool or walking the beach, something to get out and really do something not just sit. I sit all day at both job. once in a while going somewhere and just sitting is fine but I like to do other things too. Like Bff said maybe once a month go and just sit and hangout. That is fine, we can get a group of us together and do different things others want to do as well. I would love for bff’s aunt to come again but I don’t know if she will or not.

He said pool is free over where him and his friend goes not to far from the house. That is nice, it’s so much an hour at the other place but it is more of a pool hall. I don’t really care for either place but I know others that are free too. I don’t mind going to the one his friend goes to I have been in there few times. Can’t think for the life of me who the heck I was with when I was in there because most people I know don’t hangout in the places around us over there. That is going to bother me because I remember being there the other people there things we talked about, it being pretty slow, driving there and meeting them there but not who I was with. It has been a while. I can’t even remember if it was a friend I was with or a guy. I know it wasn’t bff she would never go somewhere like that. Well she wouldn’t have then. Who knows maybe I will figure it out.

{May 3, 2019}   The One Who Has Been There

This week so far I have missed work and then had to find rides because of my truck as you all know. Sitting here thinking about it the one that has been there the most for me this week is the least expected one, Special K. He was going to take me Monday but then I ended up not having a ride home. I told him I couldn’t go because of no ride home. I didn’t see it until I was already home and out at the store he said he would come pick me up too. He said he could take me only to start with but when it came down to I was stuck and going miss work because I couldn’t get home, he was willing to put a side what he was going to do or stay up and come get me.

He stepped in and took me Tuesday when no one would. Thursday he picked me up and took me. We stopped at the store I grabbed us a drink and snack then we headed down to drop me off. I feel bad we got there I grabbed all my stuff and got out, I felt like I was forgetting something big but couldn’t figure out what. I had my drinks, purse, jacket,keys, I stopped to look for my phone found it and went in. He left as I walked in. Couple hours later it hit me, I forgot to give him gas money. He didn’t say anything, just let me go. I messaged him as soon as I figured it out. I said I am so sorry I didn’t give you gas money. I told him stop by my day job when he got off today I would give it to him. He gets off an hour before I do. He said it was alright not to worry about it just give him $5 next time I seen him.

Tuesday when he picked me up we went back to his place for a little bit before he took me to work. He came over hugged and kissed me was talking. He said your going to have to stop telling me no and smiled and kissed me. I said oh really, I said who told me no all last week? Works both ways. He just kind of looked at me funny smiled and we went on.

Now I am wondering what he ment by stop telling him no? No about what? Coming over like I thought or something else? Now I’m going to wonder about that.

Yesterday when he took me to work it was a little awkward we talked a little just mostly rode quietly. I found myself wondering again why I keep telling him no. Who has been here and helped me, who fixed my car before when it needed the water pump and all that. That was a big job. I didn’t ask him if he could do the breaks because he has a job to do on his car and one he is doing on his truck and this weekend he has his little girl with him.

I wanted to talk to him about us Tuesday but didn’t, I was in a hurry to get to work and stressed about that and the truck. I want to talk when I’m not in a rush and when my mind is clear not stressed out about things.

When no one else was there he has been when he didn’t have to be. He could of just said no, I’m busy or what but even days he said he couldn’t or may not be able to he stepped up and done it when I was stuck. Others could of helped me but none would they did make excuses or just said no.

I have to figure out something tonight because he can’t do it he is picking up his daughter. That is understandable, I can’t ask him to put her on hold or not see her or do for her to take me even if we were together I wouldn’t do that. The fact he puts her first is good says a lot about what kind of dad he is. He has always been all about his kids. Even when we were younger and he had his first so young. He made sure she was taken care of. I think because of the way he grew up, they had it ruff growing up. He don’t want that for his kids. he tries to do the best he can and make sure they are good.

I am going to try and go see him one day next week once I have my truck back. That way I am not so stressed or worried about getting to work. Give myself time to talk myself back into it as well maybe. I was already to talk to him the other week and then we couldn’t get together and now all this going on I just put it on the back burner and decided it wasn’t going to happen or now just wasn’t the time. I am sure when things calm down I will know what I want to say or want to talk to him again. I mean I now I just don’t have that need to do it or want to do it get it done feeling like I had. Now it is like oh well when it happens it happens or if it happens it happens, there is plenty of time, why rush into it. I think I am just going to try to start going to see him more and just let it happen. I started to talk to him many times before and stopped myself when we were together. Next time I fell like saying something I say it and see where it goes. If I don’t end up saying something before that. I just hate not knowing what to expect and worry about messing something up.


{May 1, 2019}   Can I Cry Now

I had no idea how I was going to get to work this evening when I got to my job this morning but at least I was here. I thought of my friend that has the barber shop a few miles from where I am now so I called her. She closes at 5 I figured maybe she would do it if I gave her gas money. She said she could and I sent her the address. Now it is 20 minutes before I am supposed to leave and head down there and she just messaged and said she forgot that her cousin that is living with her had to be somewhere right after work today she can’t do it. Now I am calling everywhere trying to find a ride.

I finally called my sister and she is going to take me. I can’t believe this shit, I just need my truck fixed so that I can get where I need to go. I have to go to an appointment in the morning I had no idea how I was going to get there or to work because I can’t take the bus there. If I do I will get there about time for me to be at work. I finally broke down and asked Pops here if he would give me a ride and run me there before work. He said yes, I just hope nothing happens or he don’t forget. He means well but things happen.

I got here to my day job early and the one owner came in he was surprised I was here so early. He asked if everything was alright? I told him yes my truck was down I was taking the bus and walking to get here. He said oh no asked when I was getting it back or what was wrong. I just told him that I didn’t know because I had money for parts but not labor I was trying to figure it out. He said something and said let him see what he could do or if he could figure something out.

The other owner came in later ask how things were going and what was going on. We were talking about things here with the shop and things. He went to leave and asked about my truck. I told him yeah it was done I was trying to figure out.

Later he came back in after they got back from being on the road and said he called a friend of his that works on cars and was trying to get a hold of a couple of others that he knew to see if he could get something done. He said but it probably wouldn’t be until the weekend. I told him that would be fine I didn’t figure it would be before that anyway at this point but I needed it back by Monday. That I didn’t have a problem getting here just my other job and I was going to lose it if I mess because of it being down. I said I would walk if it was closer but it is just to far take to long. I told him I walked here Monday. he said what, why didn’t you call me? How far is it? I told him. I said it was just not a good day I needed the walk. I had planed to catch the bus but I didn’t’ see any and then the one I finally seen was going the wrong way.

The guy at my other jobs daughter is picking me up and taking me home in the evenings this week. I am going to ask her if there is anyway she can take me the next two days as well if I pay her. I don’t know where I am going to get the money to pay her but I have to know I have a ride and that it isnt going to back out.

{May 1, 2019}   No Coffee

I have had no coffee since Saturday and I don’t know how I feel about that. I want it but have not been able to get to my store to get it. I go to the one little store on my way to work that has a nice coffee area, they have ice coffee, hot coffee, and all the creamers or what that you want for them and they are only $1 for any size. The other stores don’t have the ice coffee and all that.

Since my truck has been broke down I haven’t been able to get one. The bus goes right buy there and I was going to get off and get one then catch the next bus that came by but I wasn’t sure what time it would be coming back if I would have enough time to get to the bus station and catch my bus that came over to the island so I didn’t. I got to work an hour and a half early.

Today I was going to go and catch a later bus but then decided to catch the early bus and get off at the store and then catch it when it came back around. The early bus was 7 minutes late so that means they will now be late when they come back around. I knew the other bus I needed to catch would be gone by the time I got there if I got off. I went on to the station in hopes of going ahead and catching my other bus early. Nope it was gone already when we got there. I figured it would be but held out hope. So we had to sit and wait about half an hour for the other bus to come. I got to work 45 minutes early today riding the same bus that I rode yesterday and go there and hour and half early. All because one bus was running 7 minutes late. You wouldn’t think 7 minutes would make that big of a difference but the other buses aren’t going to wait for that late bus because then it throws them all off and sets them behind for the day.

So I didn’t get my daily coffee today either. I am starting to think maybe I should just not stop and get it anymore once I get my truck fixed since I haven’t had it all this time. I did break down and buy a tea Monday when I walked all that way but I haven’t had any since. That one made me feel so sick and messed with my stomach right away. I have been drinking water. I bought the big 24 oz bottles and drink both of them yesterday and then one the day before and the big bottle of tea. I got a litter bottle today see if I drink all that I will probably need to stop at the store and get me one on the way to my other job if I can find a ride there so I will have something to drink tonight. I don’t know why I didn’t buy two of they others instead.

Maybe it will be easier to start drinking mostly water after all.

To having my truck back on the road. I really need it done Saturday but don’t have the money. Then I checked tonight and my tax money says It will be here Monday. Figures the start of the week when everyone is busy.

I have most of my check from last week still and will get another tomorrow. I want to just buy the parts and get them in this weekend and pay everything Monday. But my water will go off Monday if the money don’t come. So I can’t do that. I am over done at the bank by almost $400 as well. I just have a mess and getting very little money back.

I am going to get my check when it comes and see how much I have all together and try to work it out from there. I may just ask the owner to borrow it if I can’t make it happen. Just tell him they say Monday but it could be as late as the 28th. But I really need to get on the road. I can show him right on my phone it says it. I just have to wait and see.

I think I will list it for sale and see what I can get for it. If a decent amount then I will sell. If not then I will wait.

{July 19, 2018}   Thinking Out Loud

Bff and her aunt picked me up from work tonight. We decided to stop for our girls night since we haven’t seen eachother in weeks really.

We sat and talked a while and joked around. I was talking about needing to get my truck fixed and wanting to move and things. I said if I don’t get it fixed I would just put me and the kids on a bus and go with no truck. Bff said what about the dogs? I said I have do what I had to do.  We got to  talking about one of her girls and working at the truck stop. When I said it, it hit me. My friends husband is a truck driver. I said shit i ask him take us give him some money and be done.

Later on the way home one of them said something about my truck and selling it if I go and things. I said if I can’t get it fixed I will scrap it take what I can get. One said wouldn’t I get more selling it? I said probably but I am not getting ripped off by these people that is all I am getting. I said I will give it away first to someone who needs it. It hit me, he drives a rig. I am not taking a lot if he would take me the kids, dogs and the little bit of crap we want to take, I would give him and his son my truck for doing it for me. They can do all the work theirself if they were willing to do that for me then they could have it for sure. I can put the $230 in it and get it back on the road but it needs other work before I can take a trip like that in it. But then when I get there I have inspections and things to pass. I am not sure what they look for and think it should pass but if it don’t im in trouble. This maybe a better idea all around.

I have to get a hold of the one talk to him and go from there. But this is most likely what I will do if i go and if her husband would be willing to do that. He owns his rig and everything so he has flexibility. If he can’t take us. If be would take our stuff and animals i would still do it.

{July 15, 2018}   Listed My Truck

I listed my truck on craiglist last night or early this morning. Sometime in the middle of the night. By 10 I have had 3 or 4 people asking about it. I replied to one so far.

My add listed all the new stuff and tires and that it needs some work. If you can do the work yourself it be great truck consider trades and/or cash. The one I replied back to offered a 04 explorer and some cash. I didn’t ask how much cash. I told them I was looking for an Expedition. They said the explorer has the 3.0 motor so that is a plus for it. But it is small and I don’t know about putting me and 4 kids in it. I said I would have to think about it and see what other offers I got.

I can’t bring myself to answer the rest because I don’t want to have to sit here and go back and forth with people over why I will not give my truck away. And that yes it needs work but over all its still worth more than $1000 or two. I don’t know what to even start at I want to be fair but I don’t want to lowball myself or put myself in a spot of getting nothing after going back and forth.

The more I think about it I think I am going to meet with the ownere tomorrow explain what is going on and ask to borrow the $230 for parts that I need. Explain that I can start paying it back in a few weeks. See if he can help me. I think if I have someone to put them in he will. My “friend” said he could do it in a couple hours probably if we didn’t run into any problems but that he is trying to get his truck going so he might be able to do it. I am going to have to see if I can line someone else up incase he can’t and see what happens. I think owner will because he offered to help me buy a car. But I can not lock myself into paying off a car. But $230 i am okay with.

I went to check on a job today thinking it was right by my house but it wasn’t. It is at another store they have. So I figure that if I get it fixed i would try and get that job work the two and then I could pay it off a lot faster. Just to find someone that says they could put them in when I get them. As I cant be with no ride for days and weeks once i have the parts if my boss is paying so I can get to and from work.

Never heard from Sleeping Beauty today. I sent him a message at 12 something. I told him I had to go to work but that the truck was unlocked and where the keys were. I told him if he wanted to test drive it that was fine just to check the water. That I told kids stay in not to come out and things. I told him thank you for helping me. That it meant a lot to me.

Tonight about 9:30 I hadn’t heard from him so I just message ask what he was doing. He said just got home. He said they didn’t get to go by he got busy and worked late.

I asked if the guy would be in at the lot in the morning I would just fill it with water and take it up there. I just have to keep a close eye on it.

He said I would find out. That is the last thing he said. I figured he probably taking shower eating going to bed and things. As late as it was getting.

I told him they weren’t happy at work, i was having trouble getting there when they need me or getting there on time. I got on the bus at 1130 to be at work by 2 and clocked in late because i got there after 2. That I am just stressed.

I felt bad, I felt like I was bitching and complaining and that isn’t what I was doing at all. I am just tired, stresses and worrying outloud. I messaged again told him….

Im sorry im really not complaining or bitching im just aggravated with myself. Being in this situation, and no matter how hard i work i can’t make it. I know you got to work too and taking time to help me. And again thank you.

Because I really wasn’t mad at him. He like everyone else can’t just tell his boss he can’t work or what.

I don’t understand the you will find out message. Why not just say we are coming tomorrow or this night that night. At first i thought he was saying find out but then when i re-read it i took it to mean they will let me know something just wait. Really not sure. Really honestly i am to tired to care. It is 1245 and i am about to pass out. For me that is great seeing as it is after 4 lately. I am just going to go with it tonight. Hope it last.

{July 6, 2018}   No Word Yet

I have still not heard anything about my truck. I gave him the vin number last night was hoping to hear back by now. This guy is slow too. I hate it, he takes his time getting back to you. I told Starfish I need to get this done as soon as I can. I told him I am about to lose my job and everything because of it.

I don’t want to bother Starfish more I know he is really busy working and can’t just drop everything to help me. I know if the guy contacted him for anything he would answer and let me know if he needed anything. But he can’t just stay on top of him to try to get him to take care of things any faster.

Why do guys have to be so stubborn and pigheaded? Why won’t he just deal with me? Cut friend out of the picture and him not have the bother of being the go between. But when I called and tried before he wanted to act shady and like he had no idea who i was or what we talked about. But then ask how Starfish was doing. Then he don’t remember me and crap who I am he was after Starfish to see if I still wanted to rent my back room out. He had my number, he could of called or messaged me. But again have him be the go between. He hardly talked to me about it when I was there sitting in the truck but one time.

Hell maybe I make him nervous or scare him too. I know to much for him to deal with me, because I don’t walk in stupid knowing nothing about cars or their value and he has to come of of some real numbers not low ball me hoping I think its a great deal and take it. If I don’t he can add a few $100 still have a low ball offer and get it for nothing. He knows he has to start with a decent offer and I already told him not to waste my time with low ball numbers. I have to get enough to replace it with same kind of truck or I won’t sell. That isn’t cheap.

I was just hoping to be done with it by today and have money in my hand. Guess we will see it is straight up noon so still a full day and he works late most nights.



et cetera
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