{September 4, 2017}   Peter Pan, Wendy and the Plan

As you all know I sometimes call Father of the Year as Peter pan. “His” song (Peter Pan)come on the radio the other day me and my friend were out somewhere. I said hey there’s his song and we were laughing. Then I thought of it, I said hey if he is Peter Pan then that must mean she is Wendy. So now depending on who we are around we call them Peter Pan and Wendy. The only parts of the song that really reminds me of him if the chores when she is singing your never going to grow up your never going to be a man, your always going to fly away just because you know you can. Because that is just how he is. He there when he wants to be gone when he feels like it, don’t take care of anything like a kids.

Anyway I have a plan for them as well now that this has all happen an I have this half way decent job for a little bit. I am going to take money out and pay a lawyer to take him to court. I still have no address to serve him and all that but that I am not worried about. I think I have a plan to make this all work out and so that I can get what I want in court. At this point I think he can pretty much be gotten for abandonment of the children he don’t see them or support them in anyway. He don’t want anyone to know how to get a hold of him if something was to happen so there is no contact. The kids have been to the doctors a few times one is waiting to go to a specialist and all I think have been to the er since he has left. He knows nothing about it other than what he may of heard from others.

When we go to court I want him to just sign his rights up and be done. For the soul perpuse he can not just walk in and out of the kids lives and do like he has the last year or more and so that if or when he decides he wants to play daddy again because it suits him at the time I can keep him at arms length and figure out how to handle things and talk it over with the kids. Let the kids decide if and how they want to see him and handle things with him at that point. He can not force me to let him see them if they don’t want to, he can’t go to court and try to make me let him see them and when I get ready to move or if I move and decide I want to again I can without asking him or the courts. Plus this way he can’t just go pick them up from school, sports, daycare or anything else without me knowing and taking them off to where ever he wants to talk them and I have to fight to get them back. If he was to show up and try to just take them then he would be in trouble.

I am thinking right now if I do not have contact with him or know where he is living then when we go to court in Jan or Feb I have no address to have him served. I don’t know where he is working or living then he can’t be served. But I can go to court and ask the judge if I can file a notice in the paper for so many days or weeks in hopes he see’s it or someone does and tells him he comes forward. But if he don’t then I still win in court because he is not able to be reach. I am sure they will not take his rights away but I can get full custody and child support. Full custody will help keep him from taking them just whenever he wants as well or coming around. If they can’t do away with his rights then I do want child support. When I find out he has a job or child support finds out he has one then they can go after him for it. I won’t have to. I also will be able to move out of state and do whatever I want with the kids as well. I just hope that everything can and will go as I think it should. I have my money coming by Friday and I have an appointment to talk to the lawyer the 14th. I just hope that she says yest this all can be done this way and that I am likely to win my case if I do it this way or tell me what i am going to need to do to win my case.

He did send my oldest a message on Facebook a few days after he knew their school went back. I was so pissed because the last one he sent was the day school got out she asked him for $50 so she could get her school work so she could work over the Summer and get caught up to grade level. In his message the other day he put something about missing and loving them and hope they have good school year. To me that was just a dig that I didn’t give you the money and now school started back you don’t need it I can contact you again. Hope you have a good school year say to me I don’t plan to be around. Few people I have talk to said the same thing. I say he just knew that school started back and sent it or that is why he brought up the school year but my kids didn’t start back until a week or more after the public school kids started this year. Last year they started with them so he had some way of knowing they didn’t go back until late because it came a day or two days after they started. If he thought they stared when public school did he sent it sooner. I left it as unread because she has not been on to see it. She hardly ever uses facebook. I wanted to reply but I didn’t. I wanted to go find him and reply face to face but I knew I couldn’t.

He makes me so sick he has no contact other than some bs like that once every three months or something. But then he post all over his page how he got married, how he is so in love and how in love they are with each other. I said who are they trying to convince other than their self because the stuff they are saying they shouldn’t have to say to others it would be implied or figured. I wanted to post as my daughter and say so this is how your own kids find out? You didn’t even think enough of us to come tell us face to face or ask if we wanted to be there? But I guess that is to be expected from a father that has had no contact with us since April and who don’t care if we have things we need or anything else and then leave us to pay the vet bill for our dog that you let get killed. Glad to see that you love someone and have someone to love you since you don’t seem to use anymore. Put it all out there for his family, friends, church friends and everyone to see and know how he is doing his kids. He tells everyone I won’t let him see them, I just take his money and spend it on my self and waste it. But if it comes right from her what can they say. They all know how my oldest is and that she isn’t like most kids her age she is way above that and speaks her mind when she has something to say. Who wouldn’t at almost 14 when their dad runs off and does what he has.

I talk to my oldest about a lot of this and told her he sent the message and things. I told her about going to the lawyer and what I wanted to try to do there and everything. She said I don’t blame you if you didn’t let him see us after all that he has done. I sure wouldn’t let him see us if I was you and he had done all that. I said but that if your dad, yalls dad and I am not going to keep you all from having a relationship with him if that is what you want. But I am not going to force you to have one just because that is what he decides he wants if you don’t. We were talking about him trying to pick them up from school or what if he decided to. She said yes but we wouldn’t go. She said well I wouldn’t but i don’t know about the boys because they are younger and things. I explained to her that the police would make me let them go if it was this day or that day and that even if they didn’t want to they would tell them they had to go. That was why I was trying to do things the way i was but that they could still have a relationship with him if they wanted to no matter what I did or didn’t get in court. If he came around and wanted one. But that what happen in court would dictate how much of one they had to have and leave it all up to them to have it on their terms of if they went places if they talked to him on the phone, if they decided to stay the night if it built up to that. It would all be up to them not him to just say the papers say i get you this time to this time so you got to come. She liked that idea.

I just want to get in front of this lawyer and get this done with and know what I have. I don’t know if it is something we are going to do right away since I am at this job making ok money I was thinking to have her file the first of the year. Then I will not have this job making all that money and they will not figure it into the child support he owes. Not that I really expect to see any of it anyway but still. If I do then he needs to pay at the right rate for a change.

Freedom of speech is not just spoken words, freedom of speech is about written words and actions as well. Seeing how speech is our way of expressing our thoughts and feelings about things we encounter in life, there should be no limits put on speech.If we let the government starts putting limits on our right to freedom of speech, we risk ending up like North Korea, Eritrea, and Saudi Arabia to name a few.

In the case of Tinker v. Des Moines, 393 U.S. 503 (1969), the courts ruled that students could wear black armbands to protest the. Today we see shirts, hats, bumper stickers, and bags telling us why we shouldn’t support this cause, organization, or person for whatever reason. Even not saluting the flag or burning it in protest, are rights protected under freedom of speech as determined by, West Virginia Board of Education v. Barnette, 319 U.S. 624 (1943) and Texas v. Johnson, 491 U.S. 397 (1989);United States v.Eichman, 496 U.S. 310 (1990).

A lot of people are not happy when they see or hear of people doing these kinds of things, they feel a stop should be put to it. In putting a stop to it you are now taking away their rights to freedom of speech just because they are doing something different than you would. How can you tell people they can’t feel or think this way or that? Our thoughts and feelings are what makes us human and different from each other. We really have no control over how we feel about things, we can change or mind about the way we think about something but if truly don’t feel that way it isn’t going to last long or we are not going to be happy because we aren’t being true to ourselves. In the case of Tinker v. Des Moines, 393 U.S. 503 (1969) it was said “Students do not shed their constitutional rights at the schoolhouse gate. ”Why should we lose them to our country or any other group just because our views don’t match up to theirs?

Letting the government or any other group put limits on our right to freedom of speech is a dangerous form of control for them to have. We run the risk of ending up like countries such as Eritrea, North Korea, and SaudiArabia.According to Community To Protect Journalist, they are the top three censored countries and restrict journal is the most. They are only allowed to report what the countries say or risk imprisonment. There is no going to your computer or pulling out your phone to try to get news or information from other places because they not only have tight restrictions on journalist but the people of the countries as well. Internet is dial up at best and heavily restricted as are cell phones. On the site it says not only is Eritrea ranked number on as most restricted it has the least amount of cell phone users in the world at just 5.6 percent of the population. North Korea is only slightly higher with 9.7 percent of the population having cell phones. They can not account for the ones smuggled in from China.

These are just are the reasons I feel we should not put limits on our rights to freedom of speech and a few examples of why.

{January 25, 2015}   Last Wishes

This morning father of the year go off for the first of his two days off. I told him to wake me up when he got home if I wasn’t. Since I didn’t go see my dad yesterday or last night I wanted to go up first thing this morning and see him. We got there a little after 10 by the time I got all the kids up, fed and ready. We went back to his room and he was sleeping so we took them into the little playroom they have for a little bit. Then we went back down he was up. We stayed for a while the kids got wound up and was wanting to eat. They brought his lunch it was done. I had to bring them home. I was trying to stay until the doctor made his rounds and talk to him. Just as we were getting ready to leave he came in. I had father of the year take the kids out why he checked him out so I could talk to him. He got a call and went out when he was done. I told my dad by and went out and waited for the doctor to get off the phone.

He came over and talk to me he said that the tumor seems to be larger than what they said. He thinks it has gotten bigger. He said it is pretty much taking up most the space in his stomach he isn’t getting enough to nourish his body. He has gotten so weak in the week he has been in there. He can’t even move himself around in the bed and get himself how he needs to be. I had to get someone to help him get back in bed when he gets up. I can tell it is so hard on him. He is so use to doing for himself. It is killing him being this way and not able to for himself. One big reason he don’t want to be hooked to anything and things. I understand. The doctor said it is only a matter of time really not long before he passes.

I took father of the year and the kids home. He had to go to the store I went and laid down for a little bit why he was gone. My little bitty wanted me to lay with her until she went to sleep for her nap. Once she went to sleep and he got back I left. I couldn’t sit here in the house I had to get out. I went up seen my friend for a little bit then went back to see my dad.

When I got there my brother was there and he stayed for a little while we talked and things. He left he tried to get me to leave too. My dad just kept holding my hand and looking around. I could tell he didn’t want me to leave. He finally said he was going to go and give us some time alone.

I told my dad I would go let him get some rest or I would stay there why he rested he just say ok and hold my hand. I pulled a chair up there beside his bed say there and held his hand.

He started telling me about insurance papers again. That he didn’t have what he thought he had. He said one was accidental death it was for more. the other was a regular policy and it was for $25,000. I said they told me it was only for $10,000. He looked funny he said no it is for more. So then I told him what happen when I brought this up to them a few weeks ago when everything was going on. That they told me there wasn’t one. Then when I said I knew there was because he told me there was it came out there was two. But that they will not show me or let me have any infromation on it swear they have none. Then told me that they called and had it sent to them and they were talking care of it. I told him I wanted to see and that it wasn’t for my brothers wife to take care of it was for me and him and that if he couldn’t I would not her. But they still won’t let me look at it or have a copy. He said make them. I told him I couldn’t. He wasn’t happy.

I then asked him if I could ask him something he not get mad. He said yes. I said it’s ok I’m not mad I just wondered why and if that is how you want it for what ever reason that is ok. But I would like to know. I asked him why he gave all of his and grandpa’s guns to my brother? He said because of father of the year he didn’t want him to get in trouble. I told him he wouldn’t I told him that the adjudication was with held he could have it taken off his record and everything. He said yeah if they did that then he has rights and things. I said yes but he is just telling you things he knows nothing about. I said the knifes you know I never seen them and I don’t know what he means by rolls or how many there are. But he told me there are two and that I get one and he gets one, and that you let him pick out all the ones he wanted and everything. They are in one roll and mine are in another. He said no no no that is not how it is. He said you were to get all of them. He isn’t going to do this this just like my sister he isn’t getting everything you get nothing. I said the coins he wants to sit down go through them and give a big chunk of them to all the grand kids. He got really mad. I said what do you want done with your van. He said they have two cars they don’t need it. You need it you need two in case something happens to one and you have none right now. I said he started telling me that they really need the van and could use the van and all this. He said I am going to take care of this I get out of here Monday and get to go home and I am going to take care of all this. When we were talking about the guns he said I am going to have to go through them and pick out some for you to then that isn’t right.

I said daddy everyone knows this my mom, grandma, grandpa all of them and they have said for weeks I need to talk to you about it because this is what you wanted. I said I know it is but I don’t want you to feel like I just want your stuff and trying to start a fight over getting your stuff. Because that isn’t it. I said I know what you wanted how you wanted things. We all did we all knew why you did the guns the way you did. I said I figured what they did was on them.

I told him I wanted it because I wanted to have something of his. But I also didn’t want to start a fight with them because I didn’t want them to tell me I couldn’t come there and see him. He said well I can come to the road. I said yeah but not if you can’t get out of bed. He said he could come see me too. I said you can’t drive he said he have his friend bring him. I said but if you get to where you can’t move around and get out of bed you can’t and he don’t have to let me in. He said then I’m just going to move. He wants to get a place. I said you aren’t doing that they won’t let you you can come stay with me if you want to. I told him I would fix my room up for him and he would have his own bathroom with a shower he could get in and out of easy he wouldn’t have to worry about a tub to fall in. He said I will just take that side room. I told him that is the play room there ton of stuff out there and that is where father of the year has his bed and sleeps. I told him it was no probably for him to have my room that I slept in the living room most the time and that little bitty was being moved to my older ones room anyway so it would be open he had room to put whatever he wanted to in there.

He just kept saying I am going to take care of this they aren’t going to do this and things. I told him I said you know I was mad because of the way he was doing and over the insurance mostly because I wanted to take care of things that needs to be taken care of they won’t even let me do that. I said I went and talk to a lawyer because I didn’t want to bother you with it to see if there was some other way to handle it. I told him he said that basicly when something happens that my brother can say that all his stuff is his and that he gave it to him and give me nothing. That yes he can say that I can not come there. That I would rather be able to come there and see him now as much as I can than to have stuff when he is gone. He said no I am going to take care of it when I get home and make sure you have everything I want you to have. If he starts I will move. Then he told me I don’t even know how much money I have left in the bank from my check I don’t know what is left. I don’t know what they have done with it or took out.

It pisses me off because when I left the night they were coming to pick him up to take him to this place I hadn’t even gotten home and my brother was calling me wanting to know if I had my dads bank card. I told him no. He was telling me it wasn’t in his wallet they couldn’t find it. He was looking every where for it. Then they said they found it and they just wanted to make sure one of the people from hospice didn’t take it. I thought it was odd but I didn’t say anything and figured my dad was there at the time. But I don’t think he knew he was saying no it was in my wallet and it is always there. I don’t put it anywhere else. He was mad. I said well I think they didn’t know if it was and couldn’t look with him there and was scared he gave it to me to get the oil changed in the car. It wouldn’t be there for them to just go get money as they pleased.

I don’t know what is going to happen but I know that shit is going to hit the fan this week when he gets home. I just hope that he don’t say anything today or before for he gets home. If he dose then they will try to hide or take what they can and say they don’t know what happen to it. He said my brother done pawned a couple of his guns he made him go get them back. I have to get up there to see him and get home and clean that room out and get it ready so that if he decides or needs to come here he can.

et cetera
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