Flashback Moment

After work Last night I stopped at JW’s of course. We talked for a while and he rubbed my back and neck. It has been bad because of my new desk since we moved. After he was done he kept reaching over rubbing my back, legs arms whatever here and there. He said I would do this every night if you were here and let me. He said I would rub you from head to toe front and back. Just to make you feel good, sleep good and to see that smile.

He keeps asking what I want to eat he wants to make me dinner one night after work. He was asking me again last night. Said he is going to make it Thursday since I can get off early that night.

On the way home I was thinking about us. How we have ended up together and handling things. We don’t really have a date on things. If you figure we got together the night he kissed me on the beach or shortly after that was the 9th of January. All though we have known each other since we were kids grew up together we just got back in contact. Saturday before Christmas. I thought about him taking me out for my birthday and wanting to do something for Valentines day.

I all of a sudden had this flashback of Father of the Year. We started talking right before Christmas and our first date was my birthday. He took me to dinner. Then New Years Eve, we went sat in the car at some beach, it was freezing and raining so we did not get out. We just talked for awhile decided we would give us a try.

Shortly after that he picked me up from work and had made this big dinner for us while his roommate was out of town.

And he use to rub my back and legs all the time for me at night because I would hurt so bad. He did a lot but more offten at the end when I had my accident and got hurt and things. He always wanted to celebrate holidays.

Thinking about it all that with Father of the Year came back. Stuff I had forgot about or not thought of in years. It is all so close to being the same. Was kind of weird to me at first I was like oh wow no this is not good. But then it all just kind of went away and I don’t know how I really feel about it now.

As I was thinking this isn’t good, the thought that he is nothing like Father of the Year popped in my head and how Father of the Year did and was and how JW is nothing like that.

Father of the Year always wanted praised for the things he did or said. It was more like he was doing it for himself than me. Like I did this for you so you will tell me what a good job I done and stroke my ego. It don’t matter if you really like it or it isn’t what you wanted. All that matters is I did something. I know it is the thought that counts. But a lot of times there was no real thought put into things.

I would buy him nice things like jewelry, electronics or even a truck I went to buy him one time. I got cused out for not buying it and it was a pos. I buy him jewelry I got $5 lingerie. I buy him nice electronics I would get a little light thing with a cube to sit on it.

I would show him things I liked or wanted that wasn’t going to break the bank, it wasn’t like he didn’t know. He say he had no money. Because he spent it all in the little stores or buying things he wanted. He would have his check I would just tell him get it out of that or what. We have x amount that we can spend on each other. He just walk in buy something and walk out. There would be times I got nothing at all after him making a big deal about having to celebrate a holiday and what we were going to do and get each other. But boy let me not get something or just get a card with a nice letter or note written inside and he would pout like a kid.

JW just isn’t that way, he always wants to make sure I am happy, I am taken care of. He wants to make this dinner because of what I said the other day about not getting to eat a Home Cooked Meal  He wants to make something for me. That wasn’t what I was getting at I was just telling them why I thought I was wanting to eat so much. Because they were saying oh I was pregnant joking around. He has been after me since what is it I want to eat so he can make me something. I told him he don’t have to but he insist. He wanted to go out Friday for the holiday but I have to work he has to work. He won’t be off until 8 and has to get home and get ready. I won’t be off until 9 at the earliest more likely 10 or later. He said he was going to cook Thursday I told him that would be our celebration for the holiday. He was okay with it. Thursday is about the only day we have that we get off half way decent hour. He gets off at 7 and I get off by 9 if nothing is going on. We still aren’t out until late. Over the weekend it is hard for me to get out until later when the kids go to bed and he works Saturday anyway until 8. Once I get moved get the bitch out of my house and get my kids settled again things will be different to a point. I won’t have to worry about having time to go see him and things. He will meet the kids can start coming over going and doing things with us. All of us spending time together. Making time for us will be a little easier as well. I won’t have to worry about rushing home to the kids because I will have more time with them and things.

But it just blew me away when I thought of all that between the relationships. I still don’t know what to think of it. But I am happy, I have been happy from the start. I wasn’t really happy with Father of the Year, I never really was, I never expected it to go anywhere between us. I felt he was more of just the friend type but he wasn’t like any of the other guys I had dated and thought maybe I just wasn’t giving him a chance he was a “nice” guy. Things just went from there. You see how that ended.

But I don’t feel that way about JW. He wasn’t ever one I ever really thought about in anyway he was just always there we weren’t close for say but have always talked and hung out together when we were at the same places, just as we did as kids. Even now I wasn’t thinking about anything between us to start with. Then I kind of got the idea that he may be interested in more. That was the first time I really thought of him as anything more than just a friend. I wasn’t even sure then if he was or wasn’t interested in more. But the more I thought about it and the more we hung out together and things he treated me the way he did I felt that maybe it was something I would’t mind if he was interested. Honestly the night at the beach he kissed me, I wanted him to. I wanted to him but didn’t, I was kind of scared to, because I still wasn’t sure that I wasn’t maybe reading more into things between us because of the way he is. I never felt like that with Father of the Year. With him it was like we were just going through the motions. I was still waiting to see how things turned out and I had feelings for him, but not the same kind of feelings.

I got it all out I am just going to try to forget about it and enjoy what I have now and build a future that we can all grow and be happy in. Because we deserve it after everything we have been through.

The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces. The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace. Be careful who you entertain and give your energy to!

I feel this says it all. With JW he has done nothing but try to make me smile, help me how ever he can, be there just to let me vent, cry or whatever I needed. He always wants to know if I made it home, if i have eaten, how my day is going, telling me how happy he is with me. He hasn’t asked for anything, don’t expect anything. When I try to do for him he tells me I have enough to handle and take care of he will take care of it. I made him today give me his w2 so I can file his taxes for him because he was going to pay someone to do it. He said you don’t need to take time to do it your busy. I told him I would do it sitting at work when there is nothing to do and I am bored. No point in him paying to get something done I can do for free in a few minutes. It wasn’t he didn’t want me to see what he made or what he already told me when we were talking about other stuff. It is just how he is, he is like me just use to taken care of it himself and getting things done.

Father of the year had nothing and never did anything or took care of anything. He just left it all for someone else or it didn’t get done. Even when you tried to help or do it he never offered help and it was never right or good enough. Boy did he leave me with a mess to clean up.

He Looks Like……..

My car has been acting up again so my Good Friend told me to take it over to his shop so his brother could check it out again. Of course it was fine when I got up yesterday. I picked up JW and we went over there for him to scan it and do a few things to it to see if he could figure it out. He did a few things drove it and everything else and it didn’t do anything.

In a bit my Good Friend showed up and we took it to drive it and again it hardly done anything. Nothing like what it does to me. We traded places and I drove him around it didn’t do it. I drive my car a little different that they do. I am a little hard on vehicles. It still did nothing. We were talking about it and I said it is way warmer now than it has been since it started messing up. I think that has to be something to do with it because it hardly wants to get out of it’s own way more often than not. He said it could be that and that they pulled a couple new codes that also would point to why my lights flash and it started when it got cold. They reset everything and I am going to take it back when it is cold again.

But why me and My Good Friend was out driving around he said something about JW. He came up some how. He says I hate to say it but I’m not the only one who thought it. But he looks like Father of the Year. I said no he don’t and he is nothing like him at all. Nothing at all like him. He said I don’t know him so I don’t know but I hope not. But he dose look like him. He said my old lady said when we seen you all in the pawn shop right before Christmas is that Father of The Year? What is she doing with him? He said but I knew it wasn’t.

I guess I can kind of see it and honestly had the same thought. But just this look they both get. Really father of the year has changed a lot and really don’t look anything like he use to at all. You know how some people get older and still look the same as they did 10 or more years ago and others age and it’s like wow what happen to them? He is on the wow what happen to him side of things. He has not aged well. It has been so long since I have been around that father of the year that I don’t really see it or notice it if that makes since.

I didn’t tell JW what he said. I don’t know how he would take that or react to that. I wounder if the kids thought that or think that when they see him? None of them said anything. But again it has been a while since he looked that way and so long since they seen him I don’t know if they would notice or not. Hell the other week me him and oldest were in the store and oldest went to find something or do something in a different part of the store on her own. In a few minutes she came back and said I didn’t find what I was looking for but I think I seen my dad over there. But it has been so long and he looks so different I am not sure if it is him or not. I went and looked it wasn’t him. I wasn’t sure at first and had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t. I had seen the guy when he came in the door and thought it was him then and turned back around and looked. Because I didn’t want to let oldest wonder around by herself if he was there and I wanted to let her know he was in there before she did just run into him so she would be prepared if she did. I told her when she said it I told her I seen a guy a little bit ago that I thought was him but want’s. But I still went and looked to make sure he didn’t come in I didn’t see him or what. It was the same guy I seen.

So I don’t think they probably think the two look a like really probably.

Not an X or Y but a Z

The other day when I was talking to my mom and she started about me changing my name it pissed me off. Why would I not change me name back to my maiden name? Just because my kids have that last name I do not see why I should keep that last name. She says it makes things easier, I don’t know what things she thinks it makes easier, nothing I have ever had to do does it matter if my last name is shit and theirs is blue. No one has ever questioned it. Me having a different last name than them means nothings, proves or disproves anything. What am I supposed to keep that last name to save some kind of face? Or so people won’t know I am divorced or because some may think I was never married? I just don’t get it. She says so that if someone ever had to get a hold of me because of the kids if something ever happened. Well most everywhere has my name and phone number so that shouldn’t be a problem. If they don’t then I don’t know how they would find me to start with and if they were able to my last name isn’t going to make a huge difference because where ever they got their information to get a hold of me from would have to have both our information and know that I was there mother. I just don’t get what the big deal is. Please tell me someone if I am missing something here where this would make a huge difference?

When she started about the kids and said all my kids have the same last name and then… I stopped her and told her no Little Bitty did not have the same last name as the rest of my kids. She said something about she didn’t know why I went and gave her his last name or something like that talking about RC. I stopped her again and said no she don’t have his last name either she has mine. She again started about I should have just kept my name the same and gave her that name too. I said why would I give her that name she isn’t an X nothing to do with them not related to them. She said well she isn’t a my last name either. I said yes she is and she kept on that no she wasn’t and all this. I was getting really pissed off and I just shut her down and said I got to go and got off the phone because it is none of her business number one, number 2 again what is the big deal? and three how can she say she is not an Y when I am a Y and she came from me? I said she is both Y and Z just as much one as the other because I am her mother and RC is her father. She still tried to argue with me she was not.

If you do a DNA test on her or anyone for that matter it is going to say they have dna from this person and this person. The mother and the father. In that case the mother is from one family and the father is from another family there for she has two families dna in her. That would make them a Y and Z. Not any part of X dna would show up o she would not be part of the X family. So why would you give them X name and how can you say that she isn’t a Y or Z. She says she isn’t a Y because that is my families name not her fathers that technically she would be a Z but since he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family then I should have just given her X name and kept X name and she would just be an X. I agree he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family so then why give her that name if he isn’t going to know that side. But then at the same time she is also a Y so why not give her that name since that is also what she is and sine she will know some of that side of her family?

Really while writing this and thinking about it more I think it is again her own issues and things she did in life and she again thinks everyone should do things how she did them and they aren’t so she is mad. Maybe I will write more about that tomorrow or another time, I have to think about this a little bit.

I truly love to hear your feedback on this one and if I am missing the bigger picture here some how on why it is so important that I should not have went back to my maiden name? And am I wrong that she is a Y and Z and could have either last name sine she is? Or should she be a Z since that is her dads name? And not have my last name since that is my family? Can’t wait to see the responses I get on this because I really want to know if I am wrong here.

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