Single___Parent___Life











{February 26, 2021}   Not Safe Anymore

I get home Monday night and I see flashing lights on the street between me and the school. From where I was I thought they were closer to the stop, where JW’s best friend lives. As I got closer I could tell there was a lot of cops and they were about half way down the street but that was it.

I pull in park and go inside and said something about the police down the other street. They start telling me they called them. My oldest said her and 2nd oldest went to walk the dog and get clothes from the dryer.

She said they were standing in the yard talking and all of a sudden they heard something. Then they heard a car and it came flying by the house. She said she didn’t know how they made the 90 degree turn without wreck. Then they heard a women or girl screaming for help and someone to please help her coming from over where the car came from.

She said they were scared to call the police because of the DCF bullshit but the lady sounded so upset and they knew something was wrong she sounded so bad. So they called and a bunch of police came flying by.

We went on with our night I checked to see if anyone around me was talking about it olives.on line because my friend lives across from JW’s and he post if he see’s things going on or messages me because he knows the kids are here when i work. But he hadn’t posted anything. I took my shower and ate dinner and kind of forgot about it. I was flipping channels and stopped on this one I never watch. I don’t know if I went to do something or why it was on there. Well in a little bit news comes on. The first thing they say is 17 year old shot in my area. Not putting 2 and 2 together for some reason. I look up as they flash a picture and show the street between me and the school. The street JW’s friend lives on. Who has a 17 year old son. I walked out in the living room the kids were freaking out.

Little bitty is pointing to the tv telling me thats at their school. It basically is the back yard butts up to the school its right on other side of the fence. Mr. 10 has his hands around his face\head and asking if that is really by us that close. He is my one with high anxiety. Mr.15 is pacing the kitchen asking if I found a place to move yet and when we can move. Oldest is telling me she should of got the car’s tag number and she seen it they could know who it was.

I told her it was fine she did the right thing. Told them it was a targeted shooting. Trying to calm them down some and hopefully keep them from worrying. Although it’s to to close to home and anything could of happened. But us mom’s we have to try to put our kids fears to rest even if we are sick from it all right? I was thinking they know my kids seen them leaving there what might they come back and do? I don’t think anything really but it’s something to worry about.

Soon as I got done with them I went back to my room and called JW to see if he seen the news. He said no and I told him what was going on. He said I have to go make a call I will call you back. He wanted to check on his friends kid. He couldn’t get him. The next morning all the cars were home. He still couldn’t get him. He finally got in touch with him later in the day. Something was wrong with his phone. But his kids were okay.

Then JW finds out it is the two guys he works with it is their cousin that was shot. I am a little pissed off about it for a few reasons. A while back officers seen a car that matched one they were looking for. It was over in an area about 5 minutes away. There was the driver he picked up a kid and there was one other in the car. Not sure if he was already in or got in too. They backed out started to go and the cops came out told them to stop had guns out. The drive did not stop they told him again. He still kept moving the car after telling him 3 times i think the cop shot it killed the 2 boys in the front seat. Everyone had a fit rallied in the streets everything else. Even boy in backseat of the car said he could hear the cop saying stop.

It was said they had been on tik toc waving guns around and pointing them at people just before this happened this why they were pulling them over.

Then at the funeral some 16 year old had a gun on him dropped it or something. Shot him and another girl at the funeral. Now this with 17 year old in my yard basically scaring my kids.

It pisses me of because 1) kids and parents need to look at who their kids are running with and what they are into. 2) teach them better to start with so they aren’t out here doing this stuff. 3) take it somewhere else not our decent nice areas. 4) I was already moving in the next few months now its asap because my kids don’t feel safe.

My area was a nice area I grew up here running all over. I would walk to the store’s work, shop or hung out. We would go play on the playground at the park. I have been here since 2014 my kids have never done these things. It sucks that now they could it isn’t safe. People like this guy call you friend why him and his family are part of the issue and bring it to your house like this.

This has been my week. Hope your is better. I will fill you in on the house hunting renting\buying mess in another post. Spoiler alert it isn’t going well. But of course not when dose it?



Had to edit to add a title lol

I am so happy with J.W and our relationship. He is always committing on me looking at him. Or stairing at him. A lot of times in the mornings when I go over and he is sleeping. I didn’t even relies I was doing it.

But lately it just seems to good to be real and I just lay there and wonder when it’s all going to blow up. The closer we get to telling the kids the more worried about it I am. The more uneasy I feel and the more i wonder if I should tell them. I feel like we are 5 months together it is just a matter of time wait it out. The last relationship only lasted about 8 months. By the time I tell the kids it will probably end so why tell them at this point?

I try to tell myself it isn’t true he cares and wants to be with me and the kids. He is excited about getting to know them and do things be a family. That him and the kids would get along together so well.

My mind goes to but is he really going to want all this once he gets a car? Is he really in this and want it? Once he gets a car is he going to find someone that has more free time? Don’t have all the extra going on? Or just decide he rather be single?

He says all the time why didn’t we talk more back years ago? I wish I knew what was going on and what you were going through. I would of put a stop to it i woulld of helped you. I am so happy you found me and messaged me. I am so happy. He tells me all the time he can’t wait until things are different for us. The kids know things open we can all do things together. Just Thursday night he was telling me when he gets his car and things each weekend he is going to take one of the kids and spend time doing something they want to do just them. To give them some time away from the other kids and some one on one time with them to get to know them and the things they like to do.

Yet I am just waiting for it to all blow up. Thinking is it worth involving the kids. The last few days he keeps asking what is wrong. He say’s I have that look like I want to say something but I’m not. I just say nothing he say’s don’t tell him nothing he knows something is. I don’t know what to tell him or how.



{February 23, 2020}   Hurting Children

As I sat and reflected on the last month, dealing with the 5th anniversary of my dads death and the major depression that sets in that I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. Then me and Jw getting together and all the changes in my moving plans. The trust issues and all that brought up it has been one hell of a ride to say the least.

When I was thinking about me and Jw and how I just wanted to call things off before they have even had a chance, how I figured if I just told him that one thing, or if he seen me on a bad night when I wasn’t coping well he just walk away. Like all the rest who walked away for much lesser of reasons than what I was thinking about throwing at him. If I just told him all the bad and let him in on it all he run. It show he was lying not in it for the long run, not in it for the reasons he said he was, that he was just saying what I wanted to hear.

I thought about how I finally had to tell him and his responce. I thought about the night we went to the beach and how bff said I cried he just sat and held me. She said you just cried in his arms he just held you pulled you in. She said she was just amazed the way he reacted. He didn’t get mad, ignore me, move away or what. I thought about how he keeps saying he is here for me, to help me anyway he can i will let him. He is fine with handling things with the kids. How he keeps saying he isn’t going anywhere we will figure things out, work through things he isn’t giving up that easy.

As I was thinking about all this, and thinking wow maybe he really means it. He really isn’t going anywhere. This voice in my head said like the kids in foster care who have been hurt, broken and bounced around so much because no one could handle them. They get lucky and find that one person who isn’t going to give up and they don’t believe it’s true. They fight and rebel even harder because it is a battle of the wills between the two. The child knows if they do that one thing it will push the caregiver over the edge they will send them back or walk away like the rest. But the caregiver knows they can’t walk away because it is a test. They have to keep standing firm in what they said show love even if it has to be tuff love sometimes. Because they know the child is scared, hurt, broken and needs time to come around. If they throw in the towel as soon as it gets a little hard they are telling that child the same as everyone else who walked away. It isn’t teaching the child nothing, just reenforcing what they already think and feel.

Us adults at times I think revert to hurt, broken, rebelus kids who have been kicked, knocked down and walked away from. When something good comes along we want to run them off, hurt them before they hurt us.

I know this and have said it about myself before I’m sure. I know I have said it about others. But for some reason thinking about it and myself as the one doing it, putting it in that prospective just made much more since to me. I don’t know why. But it helped a lot.



{January 15, 2020}   Back to Back Court Dates

Today I was bored and nothing was going on so I decided to check child support site. I checked my case with RC and it said they issued a court date yesterday.

I looked on their site and it didn’t show. I went to the clerk of courts and it did not come up on there either. The one for father of the year still is not showing up either. I have not received a letter for it.

I went back to the child support case and clicked to chat with someone there. After a million tries I was finally able to. They were kind of rude but finally said court was at 12 in the north court house. We have to be there on 3/2.

I was a little confused because these cases are held in the South court house. But then I remembered that this case has to go infront of the judge to start with because of the DNA and all that. So I guess they handle it in the north court house. I am sure it will end up in the South once it is all done.

The north court house is much closer and easier to get to so I don’t mind. The South one is over 30 miles away and I have to be there at 8:30am. The drive sucks and takes forever with work and school traffic.

I am not worried about the one with RC. I am sure he will probably phone in since he is up there. But even if he wasn’t the thought of seeing him don’t bother me.

But I am dreadding the one with Father of the Year. I do not want to be around him or see him again. I hate that sick panic fight or flight feeling I had once he got there. I think my friend JW is going to go with me. We were talking about it today he said something about he hoped I didn’t feel that way this time or something. I said me too but I figure I will. I was going to ask my friend to go but I have not talk to him in a long time. I think he is mad at me. I said I will suck it up go and find a little spot between two people to sit. That’s what I done before.

He asked when it was I told him. He said he could go with me if I wanted him to. I told him he did not have too but it would be nice that I didn’t want him to get in trouble at work. He said he wouldn’t he wanted to go with me. I hope he can go. I really do not want to be there alone. I don’t know anyone else to ask to go with me. Bff said she would but she did last time then didn’t. She has to have kids to school and things as well I don’t know how she would go.

It’s really nice of him to offer to go with me seeing he has to miss work and pay to do it. I will pay him what he missed once I get the behind amount I’m owed. I know he don’t want it or expect it. But it means a lot to me and I want him to know.

I know it probably sounds stupid that I don’t want to go alone or that I want him to go with me. It’s court, but I can’t help the way I feel. I shouldn’t have to go do this and feel that way while trying to do it. I hardly ever well really never have anyone help me or with me as support. Sometimes we all need that emotional or moral support when we have been through things. Abuse is a huge thing to go through come out of and not have some issues from it. If this is the worst I need help with then I think I am doing really fucking good and proud of myself for working through the bulk of it. I was even considering asking my one boss from my day job to go with me. That is how bad I have been dreading it.



{December 4, 2019}   3:16 a.m.

I am laying her stretched out in my bed wrapped in my blanket. Wishing I could sleep. Thinking about my friend who is probably up growing to the hospital for her surgery about now. I am worried about her. It is going to take about 10 hours to do it. I feel like shit I was going to call her and got busy at work and it got to late. I talk to her a few nights ago. She is scared. I feel so bad for her. I so wish I could be there for her.

She wants me and the kids to come stay with her for a bit so we can move up there where they are. I just want to go see her even if just for a day. I miss her being here and hanging out.

I have other things on my mind as well and in one of those moods where I don’t really feel anything just a void or emptiness. I have been feeling lonely a lot lately. It sucks when you want to feel that closeness there isn’t anyone there.



{November 18, 2019}   Cancer Sucks

Last week was already a hard week for me being sick and just feeling off. Wanting to cry and just really emotional. Yesterday I woke up sicker than I had been so far. I felt horrible Thursday then alright Friday and Saturday. Sunday I woke up and had next to no voice. I didn’t fall a sleep until after 4 am. I woke up at around 10:30 and everyone was sleeping still. I rolled over and went back to sleep. About and hour or more later, Little Bitty woke me up tapping me on the shoulder. I rolled over and she said I lost another tooth!! She has all the ones across the top in the front missing now. I got her to lay down and watch a show with me for another hour or so. Then I finally got up, took a shower and we went to pick something up for lunch.

The big kids wanted pizza roll things so we went and ordered those. While we waited for them we ran next door to get Little Bitty what she wanted. Oldest and her ran in to get it and I was in the car. I called my friend J and talk to her a minute. I seen she said somethings online. I thought her mom was sick again, she is here. I called she was out with her husband and granddaughter.

She said something about test or the doctor. I said what are you talking about? She said I told you….I said no. She said oh I haven’t talk to you yet. She proceeds to tell me that she has breast cancer. They have done a bunch of different test. More than they would of probably ever done here. That they were sure it is cancer in her one breast. The other test they done they feel she is at extremely high risk of getting it in the other as well. Her mom has had it as well.

She said she is going December 4th to get a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. They are going to do a tummy tuck and use that to do the reconstructive surgery. I didn’t release they could do that.  We talked a little more they had left and were driving she asked if she could call me back when they got home. She said she was having a hard time hearing me. With losing my voice and them driving I am sue it probably was hard I told her yes to call me whenever she got a chance.

I didn’t hear from her after that. Then this morning I got some text from her really early about 6 am. She kept saying she was sorry she hadn’t called me back. She said it was hard for her to talk about it and hold it together and how scared she was and thing. She is hoping to avoid chemo and radiation if she can. I know she is scared, I can’t imagine going through that, basically three major surgeries. Plus dealing with your doing this because of cancer and don’t know how it is going to turn out. Not like she knows oh they will do this everything is going to be okay like if it was your gallbladder or something like that.

She had cancer before when she was in her 20/30’s bad. She had female cancer then and I think, had everything removed then.

I know she is scared I feel so bad for her. I just sat in the parking lot and cried when we hung up. Then I pulled it together when the girls came out. I wish I was able to go see her even just for the weekend. If I had somewhere to leave the dogs and the kids. I just leave from work Friday night and get up there Saturday sometime. I leave Sunday in time to be home for work Monday. But I just don’t have the money or way to do it. I have to be here with the kids and need to do a few things to the car.

We had talked about us coming up for Thanksgiving a few months ago but we hadn’t talked much since then. I hadn’t brought it up because I knew things that have happen I wasn’t going to be able to go.

 



They talk about prepare for the storm, get water, bread, canned foods, flashlights, batteries and the list goes on.

They say so if we lose power, if we lose water. Once the storm is over we are not going to be able to get it stores will be closed. Then they turn around and tell you to leave as well. You will need it wherever you leave to. You will need it when you get back.

Now lets stop and think about this logically here. If this storm is bad enough you are telling me to leave and get out of harm’s way. If I do that I am going to go where it is not going to hit. Therefore I will be able to get food and water and all that kind of thing because they are going about life as normal. They are not about to get blown off the map or sink.

If I am leaving why do I want to buy all this stuff and leave it to maybe get blown away? Then I am still not going to have it when I get back or the money to get more because I bought that to start with. If I am leaving why wouldn’t I just wait and see if or what I am going to need and then get it and bring it home with me? Rather than buy it and take a chance on leaving it here or having to drag it around taking up room while I’m gone?

If I wait then I can buy things other than canned things like lunchmeat hotdogs bread and things. If I buy things now the bread is going to go bad before the storm even hits and the lunchmeat you can’t transport or it will unless you want to take a cooler with you. Then again how long will that last? And you are taking up room.

At worst I end up needing stuff for a day maybe 2. Then I take the meat out of the freezer and cook it on the grill. That way we have food and it isn’t wasting because we have no power. I have an upright deep freezer. I get gallons of water line across the shelf in the back turn packs of meat side ways and put another line of gallon jugs infront and let them freeze. Even if power goes out it will take about 2 days before things start to thaw out if no one is opening and closing it. So I still don’t really need to rush out and buy a ton of canned food and fight people for the stuff because if you have a grill you can still cook your normal stuff in the fridge.

Hell one storm we weren’t expecting and didn’t have a grill. We used an oven rack and some blocks to lay it on. Then made the fire under it and cooked a freezer full. The storm was supposed to go past and miss us and turned in on us at the last minute. Or we would of been better prepared.

I seen were people were saying if you don’t use all you buy during the storm don’t return it donate it. Because when it is returned the store has to throw it away they can not resale or give it away. I seen where employees were talking about how much they have to throw away after every storm. It is sickening when there are so many people out there who need it. But people will not donate because they spent money that was for bills and that weeks food. They are now trying to get it back.

It seems that if that much is being returned that we don’t need to rush out and buy tons of this stuff because we aren’t using it. People are finding other things to eat and do things even when the power is out.

I know the storms are bad and could be worse but again if we see the damage they hype everything up to be or other places have gotten. We are not going to have that food it is going to be gone you still have nothing if you stay like a lot of people.

I feel they do this all wrong and cause everyone to panic way more than is needed. I feel they use this to jolt the economy scarying people into buying things they wouldn’t normally buy knowing they will have to turn around and buy their normal day to day things when it is over. That will require more money or the return and trashing of food that someone could of used.



{April 16, 2019}   Maybe It Is The Adventure

I am sitting here at work listening to music on Youtube and this song came on….

I hadn’t heard it util the other day and just really watched the video a few minutes ago. While watching it I thought of how it is getting to know someone new and starting a relationship. It’s like and adventure getting to know each other and doing things together, figuring out each others likes and dislikes and all about them. Is that another reason I have been resisting Special K so much as well? Because the adventure isn’t there? The new isn’t there? We have known each other for so long it feels that there isn’t anything new to figure out?

But then again is that really true? Because yes we know each other and have for a long time, but this would be taking our relationship to a new level and all new grounds and adventures to have and figure out right? I don’t know these are the things my mind wonders to when I have way to much time on my hands to think or find things to keep myself entertained. But it makes since too.

A guy at the store stopped and was talking to me while we were getting gas and all the thoughts you have when you talk to someone for the first time be it a co worker, new friend or just a random whoever at the pump next to you. It is exciting or intriguing to get to know someone. So if you already know them pretty well it seems that there really isn’t anything new there to get to know or discover. I know that isn’t all that there is to a relationship of any kind and it isn’t what is important it was just a thought I had and maybe it was just an extra excuse I gave myself to keep him at arms length so that I didn’t get to close and get hurt. But maybe in doing that I have now hurt myself anyway because I let him get away.

Thinking about it I guess he would be one that was lumped into that category of What Could Of Been

I have been to blind to see that hey maybe here is my chance to have that. Or like I said before to scared to go there because I was to scared of messing it up subconsciously. Maybe now maybe I have messed it up and lost it again.



{April 11, 2019}   Wow Post 3

I think this is the biggest wow post yet. I was surprised it was even said to me.

Bff called me earlier and was talking to me and we were talking about last night and everything going on. She said they went outside because she was telling him that he was talking about his background and drugs and all that. I told her I was questioned last night why they were outside. About what and what her oldest said to me.

I said to her what are you doing? she said I don’t know. Living on the edge I guess. I said why are you doing this? She said I don’t know I don’t know why. I said because you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to be there by yourself. Didn’t really say anything just I don’t know or something. I said but your going about this all wrong. She said I don’t know what to do or how this happen.

I said why is here there anyway? She said what I said why is he staying at your house anyway? How did that happen. She said I was just trying to help him out. I said how? She said he needed a place to stay he is just a friend. I said no he didn’t. She said what? I said he did not need a place to stay. He had a places to stay. She said no he didn’t. I said he was at his moms and he was supposed to stay down the street in the camper at his friends house. I said that was were he was supposed to go when he came up there. So he had a place to stay. She sounded like she didn’t know what to say, she said I don’t know, I don’t know how this happen or why he is here.

I was surprised, shocked that she said he didn’t have a place to stay she was helping him. She knows I know better than that. Yeah he got thrown out of his moms but he already was lined up to move down the street. He had been planing on moving down there before he ever got thrown out at his moms so he had a place to stay. He made that plan when we all went out the 27th of February.

Then she tells me how he isn’t there, she says she gave him $10 this morning because she thought he was going to work but that he got called out the rest of the week. He hasn’t worked all week so far. She don’t know where he went or with who. She said she asked him if he was going to be there with the kids this afternoon/evening because she had to go back to work. He told her he didn’t know when he would be home.

I said interesting, all of a sudden he has a few dollars and he disappears, can’t say where he is, when he is going to be back or what he is doing or with who? Hum, he left over the weekend he told you where he was going and with who and all that then called you to come get him. Funny he don’t want anyone to know anything now. I said I was thinking it been a little while since he had gotten anything how was he doing without it. She didn’t say anything.

I said why are you paying everything for him everywhere and everything and giving him money? She said he hadn’t gotten his second check yet or something. I said oh he has another check coming? For working on the houses. She said I don’t know what he has or what. I think he had another check there somewhere. I said then why hasn’t he went and gotten it? She said I don’t know I think he has one I don’t know what he has. I said so no ones home he has an excuse to get someone to pick him up he is going to go get that check. She said what? I said yeah that is why he dont’ want no one to know who he is with what he is doing. He going to go get that check and get his fix. You have been home yall have been to the bank out to eat and all over the place and oldest has been home and could take him to get it he hasn’t asked you too but lets you spend and pay for everything for him. But as soon as there is no one there to take him anywhere he disappears.

Earlier when she was saying she didn’t know how or why it happen. I said I did and she didn’t want to be there alone and I said he just looking for a free place to stay and someone to pay for whatever he can get them to pay for. I said your doing it. She bought him two or three drinks or more last night they been out to dinner earlier that night she bought 3 or 4 there. He is drinking a lot lately. Maybe because he isn’t getting the other I don’t know. She again just kept saying I don’t know I just don’t know.



{April 3, 2019}   To Scared To Be Alone

I was talking to Bff after she got off work a little bit ago and she said she had heard from Sleeping Beauty again and he was working. I guess since he couldn’t get in or a ride home. That he is so tired and he is hungry. So she is taking him lunch. Said she called him he told her he was driving he would message her when he stopped.

I said um wait a minute he is working, he is out driving around in the company truck, so he is passing by stores and places to get something to eat. Why are you driving across town to take him lunch? He takes the truck anywhere he wants to go even the car lot where I worked knowing his boss and them don’t get a long or he isn’t supposed to be there for whatever reason when he is on the clock and in the company truck. But he can’t stop at the little store the fast food place or something and get something to eat. I call bullshit.

She said probably because he don’t have no money to get anything. I gave him money the other day. I said wait, wait a minute what are you talking about you gave him money? She said so he had money for lunch and drinks. I said why? She said I don’t know he didn’t have any. I said he gets paid Friday for one job and he gets paid Monday or Tuesday for the other. You are telling me you gave him money on Monday or Tuesday is when you gave him money. Where was his? Hum I don’t know she says. I said again why are you giving him money anyway? He isn’t paying you to be there or anything. She said because I was stupid for a minute. I said yeah I would say so.

Buy then I started thinking what is he making and how much money has he had this month that he has been there? I said he is making at least $10 at the one job when he does that and I know he makes more at the other but…. She said he makes $15 when he does the houses. I said okay so he is working full time 40 or more hours a week making at least $10 an hour. I said he is “working late” all these nights here and there. So he is making more then.

I said lets do this, lets say he is working only 35 hours a week just to make it easy and that he is only making the $10 an hour. So that would be $350 a week. That would be $1400 a month and they are not taking taxes out. So he has had $1400 since he has been at your house. He says he gave his mom $200 to get his brother out of jail. She said he spent $78 taking them all to dinner the other night. He spent $20 the day we went out. oh he spent more he bought some things at the other store too probably $50 or so I forgot about.  I said okay lets say he has spent $500 this month why he was there. That leaves him with $900 for the month he should still have in his pocket right now. I said even if he spent $100 or two more even. Keep in mind we are already undercut what he made by a lot since we didn’t account for $15 an hour when he works doing houses instead of the lot and we only figured him at 35 hours a week not 40. But just working with the numbers we are using that leaves $225 a week in his pocket. Where is that $225 right now for this week? Where is that $900 that he should have from the rest of the month? Then I hear her and she is thinking. She is like I don’t know. I said I do I think it is right up his nose. That is why you have seen such a change in him and the way he acts and doing. She said it isn’t even like I know him anymore. I said yep that is how it is. I said $225 is a lot and really he is doing more than $225 worth in a week that is worse. I said what are you going to do when he don’t get up one morning or from his nap and you go to wake him up and he don’t get up? Or worse what if one of your kids go in there and can’t get him up? Then what? She didn’t say anything trying to change the subject.

Then she tells me that her friend was on her about getting him out of there. She said you know who is all over me about having him here? She told me. Said he was telling her what are you doing why is here there what are you thinking you need to get him out of there and away from your kids. Said he told her this isn’t the her he knows and that if they were somewhere and someone was just smoking pot she had a fit and things. I said um hum thank you all the same I have been saying to you. He telling her it is going to get bad and that she needs to get him out before something happens that she don’t know what she is setting herself up for with having him there and everything he is doing and everything she is going through and dealing with. I said hello and why aren’t you listening I’m not the only one telling you.

She said she was talking to Sleeping Beauty the other day and something was said he said you’er listening to everyone else aren’t you. Then today he said something about her talking to me and ask her if I was there last night I guess when she was talking to him and things. She said no why. He said because something she said and then he got a message from me. I sent this picture to him an inside joke between us. He never replied.

She says I wonder why he don’t like us talking? Because he always made comments about us talking when he was at my house too. I said because like you said because like you said, he knows your naive and sheltered and he knows he can slide things by you and things. He knows I’m not that easy to slide things by and that if you say something or tell me something I’m going to be like but wait this or that. Like I have been.

I honestly think that she is scared to be there alone. She is the one that won’t go anywhere at night if she does she has me or someone on the phone with her the whole time driving there back and everything. She just don’t want to be alone over all. She has never been alone. She has been with her husband since she was 15. She has never been on her own and out on her own or done anything on her own. She is doing pretty good taking care of things but to be there all the time with the kids and no having anyone I think scares her. She has already been telling me how they have been with everything going on and how she don’t want to deal with it and things. Sleeping Beauty making comments and saying things to her about not dealing with things and not handling things she needs to or how she should and letting things go or not doing anything about stuff because she don’t want to deal with it. He is right there and me and her have talked about it before. She is seeing now that things she has done with them growing up has come back to  bit her in the ass now and she says you always said and now look. I said but you can still fix it but you have to put your foot down and fix it now keep letting it go or keep giving in because you can’t deal with this or that they do. If they do this or that that just mean that they now have to do something else on top of whatever they are already doing because they are keeping on.

He is helping her, like he helped when he first came to my house with the kids and things. But he has started some problems with the kids now too and they go back and forth on rather they like him or not, like a few of mine did. But he is stressing her the hell out and the not paying when he is making the money and watching her trying to work it all out and then to say he will start paying once she gets old boss out of the house and he can’t come back there anymore. I said wait where does he get off telling you when he will start paying you wen he is staying with you in your house? I said he should be helping from the start, if he had went down the street to friends house he would be paying all this time what is the difference? I said he didn’t pay the one week or so he was at my house because he wasn’t working then he started paying me when he started working until that week he left he left then without paying me. I said so what he is saying is he is going to take a free ride on you because if he paid you and you had the money he is sending you then you could be saving money and have money to do more with. I said it is non of his business if you let him come back when you tell him it is over he isn’t coming back or can’t come back or anything like that. That is between the two of you. I said it sure the hell isn’t his place to move into your house and tell you he will start paying you when he is ready and how things have to be before he starts paying you. She was like I don’t know it’s just what he said. I said and you are going along with it and letting him. That is why he is doing what he is doing and why he is acting the way he is. Because you let him and you don’t say anything. He made the comment to her that he isn’t going anywhere she told him today she thought he was going to pack his stuff and leave today when she was at work because of things that were said between them the last few days said he told her he already told her he wasn’t going anywhere.

I am with her other friend she needs to really think about what she is doing and how she goes about things. She is not thinking clear with everything going on and she is causing herself more problems than it is worth. All she has done today when I talk to her is bitch about him. I said if he is causing you this much stress why are you letting him stay? It isn’t hard tell him to leave. Why are you letting him stress you out so bad over shit he has no right to say anything about and no business getting into? Tell him this isn’t working you got to go. She says I know I know and I feel sorry for him. I said you can’t feel sorry for him. She said I want to see him do good and do better. I said yeah me too but he can’t treat people like this until he decides to and he may never decide to at this point. I said I know he wants better but he isn’t doing anything to have better.

I said he needs $7000 to get his drivers license back if he took that $900 and put toward that then he would only owe $6100 to get it back. But no where is it? No one knows he can’t tell you and won’t even talk about it if you point it out and ask. It would be a fight. She again I don’t know and all this. I said I do we all do you do too it’s up his nose. Again his not a problem is a problem when he is spending that kind of money on it and doing that much of it and he has nothing to show for it. Nothing at all to show for it. We aren’t talking $10, $50, $90 or even a couple $100 in a month to show for. We all spend money here and there and have nothing to show for it. But you don’t spend $900 or more a month and have nothing to show for it when you have no bills or anything else to account for paying either.

Something else he said really pissed me off I said WTF are you talking about I said now I am ready to come throw him out and kick your ass too. She said oh well then. I said no really because now this is really not right that is messed up and this is not right I am not the only one telling you that, others are telling you that and this isn’t like you. I said others are coming up and telling you what he is doing and just like before they are right. I said when he came to my house I wasn’t sure what to believe or who to believe because I didn’t know any of them very well, they were all at each others throat and talking shit about what the other one was doing. But then it all came to light and we figured out that they weren’t lying about everything. They were right he was doing this. When I found out and figured it out I went straight and confronted him and that is when he decided to leave.

She said he was telling her different things and just being nasty or mean. I said yeah he didn’t get that way with me until after he had left. But he knew I wasn’t going to let that kind of shit fly I would say something right there when he said something. When he got mad at me and started calling me bitch this and i said shut up and I said this and do this and don’t do that you need to stop and things. Was when I sent him all the messages after he left the way he did. I said well I had something to say and since you want to run from your problems like you do I am going to have my say. You had yours so now I am having mine. That is the only time he has ever really gotten nasty with me. It was both of us because I should of left him alone but he should of sat down and had a conversation with me not done the things he did the way he did.

I am with her friend the way he is doing and what he is on he shouldn’t be there like I been telling her. I bet her friend don’t know how much he is really doing either or I bet he would really be on her ass way more than he is now. He is like me help someone but don’t be stupid. She is being stupid right now. I am going to talk to her tonight we are all going out. I am going to tell her look we got to talk you got to stop and think about what you are doing. Try make her see this is not a good situation



et cetera
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