{October 10, 2018}   A Nice Day Out

I almost feel guilty enjoying the nice weather we are having. Because we are only having suck nice weather because the Golf Coast and Panhandle are getting hit by this huge hurricane right now. While they are all huddled in shelters, motels or other places away from their homes being blown around and poured on by this storm me and the kids are at the park enjoying the nice breeze and a break from the 100 degree weather. While it is nice out it is an eerie feeling to the day.

I wonder what the weather is going to be like at work seeing we are on the beach. Seeing as we are on the other coast it shouldn’t be to different. Thinking about it i am closer to the storm and it’s outer bands than they are. Going to work I will be further from it than I am now. So it will probably be just another day.

{October 2, 2018}   Tried Everything

I have tried everywhere and everything across three states and can’t get help anywhere. Not sure how much I have told you. One place even tried to push me into saying I had a substance abuse problem. Now or at some point in my life. If I did they would be willing to offer all kinds of services. But along with what other can of worms that I don’t need to bring on myself at this point in time or ever with my kids. At what expense do those services come or is one willing to pay for them?

I called housing places all I get is fill out an application and mail it in. I can’t go sit down and talk to someone, I can’t even call in and ask questions. I called to ask questions she said let me put you over to our hotline to amswer those for you. It is a recording and don’t answer any of the questions. Call back she rude well call this cant get anyone. I just cried today. Sat here at work and cried. Pull it together to get customers in and out.

{May 6, 2017}   Everyone Is So Worried

That Father of the Year is going to call DCF on me and try to take the kids. My mom just messaged me a little bit ago telling me to clean my house they could call at anytime. Or she could think of it and call that it will be to late once they are called. I am not worried about it one bit, maybe I should be but I am not. My house is not spotless by any means, but it is not dirty, my house is cluttered, my house is lived in and played in, but my house is clean. It may need painted but it is a roof over their heads, it is a bed to lay down in a go to sleep, it is their everything that they need. They are healthy and happy, they do not need anything or want for anything that they need.

I do need to get through things and clean it out and get rid of stuff,  I need to get this stuff listed and sold once and for all, but it is not in the way, it is in the back room out of sight out of way. We can cook, clean, wash clothes and do anything we want to do with no problems at all. My kids have already told me they are very happy here with me and do not want to leave me to stay with their dad because their dad isn’t nice to them and they can not have the things they have here at their dads. He yells at them any time he wants something or they do something, he treats them like trash and they do not like it.

I also know all the things that dad did in the past name calling and things to my son and the therapist knows about it, others know about his temper and how he acts acts the things he does and the things he says. They all will stand up and tell whoever that he is not a safe place for them to be. I know that they also look for good enough and my house is far beyond good enough, eve with the clutter ad things that need to be gone through.

I also know that when it comes down to it and they start talking to therapst, doctors, teachers, schools, and other places and they start asking who is always the one that does this that and the other for the kids with the kids and how often do you see dad? Their answer is going to be mom, mom, mom and maybe twice have we seen dad or dad has really done anything to be involved or to seem like he even cared. When it comes to therapy and doctors they would have to say we have not seen dad in years but have hears a lot about dad from the kids and the things he is doing or has done.

Should I be worried maybe but am I no, because I can’t live my life in fear and worry. I know what I am doing I know what I am about I know that my kids are safe and take care of.

{October 10, 2016}   Matthew

We ended up evacuating Wednesday because of Matthew. We wanted to get an early start so we didn’t get stuck on the roads and were able to get gas. Some places had already been told to leave or had a time they had to be out by. I really didn’t want to leave but was worried that one or more of the trees in my yard would fall on the house. I was not going to set in a shelter with the people around here. I figured it wouldn’t cost me that much to go somewhere else. I figured we would go up to one of the areas we want to move to and check it out why we were there. It would give us something to do for a few days why we waited to be able to come home. I was taking my truck but didn’t have room for my sister and her family and my mom. My moms truck isn’t running and my sister has no car. They could have went with father of the year but there was some kind of problem with that as well so they decided to rent a van to go in. I went and rented that and got it to them so they could load and get ready.

Father of the Year came over and called himself helping me get the kids ready and loaded and their outside stuff put up. Then he started loading my truck. I told him I would do it I wanted it packed how I planed so it would be easier for us to get to the things we needed and get the dogs in and out. But he don’t listen. I ended up unpacking it and repacking it once he left. My friends stopped by I had them take the back seat out to give more room. It gave me room to have the dog cage open and to get then in and out so I could put them in it.

They rented a 12 passenger van we could have went with them but there was no way I was riding with them and three dogs up there and I wanted my truck to get out and go places. Plus I was not paying to rent a van when I had my truck I could put that money in gas.

We didn’t end up leaving until late and didn’t get far before we had to pull over and get a room. Then the next day was a lot of wasted time. We ended up going farther north but never made it out of the state. We got stuck because roads were at a stand still and everywhere was out of gas. I had enough to get where we wanted to go but couldn’t get through because of the roads being at a stand still and construction rerouting roads on to the ones that were already full. We didn’t know they were working on the roads when we looked it up it didn’t tell us. I wasn’t happy at all and my sister was freaking out that we needed to get more inland than we were. At that point I had, had enough and told them I didn’t care what they did or where they went but I was staying right were I was at. Then they found out that they were as far in as they could get for the area and that the other places had water all around them. Where we were they had taken all the patients from the mayo clinic and mayo hotel and brought them there so there were nurses and things there as well if something happen.

We ended up staying there for two days. They were wanting to stay another day and I told them I was leaving that day, Friday and getting as far north as I could. They were saying lights were out all over, no gas anywhere and power out all over. Again I wasn’t worried about gas I knew I had enough to get home. We hadn’t used that much and had stopped and filled up when we found a place that had some left.

I was a measurable few days. They had fights, people sick, the places was freezing. I lay down to sleep and was so cold I couldn’t. My body hurt my bones felt like they were freezing from the inside out, we were on a cot and I was sharing with my little bitty. She couldn’t sleep she kept hollering out and tossing and turning. She is use to it being quite and dark, the lights were on and everyone was up and moving around doing whatever. There was no were to take a shower or clean up so we were all grubby feeling, cold and sleepy.

It was a while before I heard anything about my house but it wasn’t bad, the biggest damage we had was the kids swing fell and got messed up. Oh and my mail box blew away but we got it back. The lid don’t close right it was pulled off. I think I am going to throw it away and tell them it blew away in the storm I need a new one. We didn’t have power when we got back last Saturday night but it came back on Sunday morning and the internet came back that after noon. Some are still without or didn’t get it back until late that night.

That has been the last week in a nut shell. Over all I am just happy we were not hit as hard as they thought we would be and that our house is good.

et cetera
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