{May 17, 2020}   Emotional Breakdown

If you all seen my twitter post Thursday you know I bit the bullet and decided to go to the clinic on the way to work and see about getting on birth control. I hadn’t had a years exam in years so of course they had to do that before they gave me anything. I made the appointment an hour before work. I figured it shouldn’t take more and an hour and I was only a few miles a way from work. I should be no more than 30 minutes late. At the most maybe 45. Over 2 hours later I finally got to work over and hour late.

I got there right on time and it took the women forever to get me into the computer. Then she tells me it is going to be $100 to be seen. Had I known that I would of went to the other office for $25. I am trying to figure out if it is only $25 at the other and they both work from a sliding scale how is there a $75 difference between the two. I have been here before for things and never paid anything. I don’t mind paying but that is almost as much as going to a private doctor. Then I say something and she says she don’t have my kids on there as being in my house. I said well they are and I pay ever for them and get no help. She says I don’t know why it is showing that way and something else. I said how do we fix that? She like yeah let me see if I add them what happens. So then it takes forever for her to do that. But once she did it said I only paid $17 and some change for the day. Then I go sit and wait to be called.

A women comes out and takes me into the lab. I am thinking I am not getting lab work done why is she calling me back here? Then I think oh they always do a pregnancy test and I think it is done through the lab area last time I had one. She stops out side the door hands me the cup and tells me to do it then come into the lab. I do that and go in they check my weight ask when my last cycle and all that was. Then ask if I want HIV and some other blood work done. I say no right away. I am not up to being poked and fished around in. I am a horrible stick it was to early in the morning. They tell me it is included in the visit for the day. I tell them it didn’t matter I still didn’t want it. They ask if I am sure I tell her yes. They seem kind of surprised and said I don’t have to do it but it is offered. They kept telling me that I didn’t have to do it but it was available. Stressing that I could get it done.

I normally always do the HIV test, the rear times I get a yearly done and all the times I was pregnant and they offered it. I have never felt a reason to have it done or that I had done anything to need one done. But I don’t know why and I guess it is just the way my mind works and thinks. I always thought I know I don’t have anything and don’t need the test. But if they are doing blood and can do it all at once I should get it done. This way if anything was to ever happen and I was worried I may have gotten it or did get it, then I could always look back and say I didn’t have it at this point, this point or this point it had to of come from here or there. I always had the thought if I was in or at the hospital and they did something or a doctors office or helped someone some time and got exposed or was put at risk. Never that I would feel that I did something with someone I was worried about having it or catching it from. I know weird and crazy way of thinking. But I was not into it and not worried about it I turned it down.

They sent me back out to wait and a nurse finally came out and got me. As we are walking to the room she tells me they don’t have an open room for me she is going to take me to one room to start and will take me to another when they get it open. We go in the room and she ask me about 1000001 questions for what I think was an hour or close to it. Then leaves and says let me see if we have a room I will be right back. Come back in about 5 minutes and says come with me. We walk to what seemed like another building through the back halls and to another room. We go in and she asked more questions, went out came back and gave me my paper sheet thing to cover up with and put the chuck on the table. She says there is a male student doctor, intern or whatever she called him. We have to let you know and ask if it is okay for him to observe I thought she said. I am thinking really can this day get any better. This has taken forever I am past late for work now and, and now I have a student coming in to watch them poke and feel around down there. I said sure why now. She said something else. I said once you have had 4 kids everyone has watched and seen you why not let him. She about died laughing and said i was going to say they are trying to learn give him a chance. She went out I took off my clothes and sat there with my paper over/around me the best I could get for as small as it was. It seemed like forever before they finally came in.

The student and doctor came in. The student says hi I am so and so and I am going to be DOING your exam and testing today. I am going to start with your breast exam and then we will do the rest of it. I am thinking I thought he was going to be watching. I don’t know what is worse really him watching or doing it. I don’t know why it matters but I just did but didn’t at that point really. I don’t know I have had male doctors do them before.

When I was pregnant last I ended up in the ER with all my vitals dropping and passing out if I moved. A male doctor, nurse and tech all came in. One said here is a gown put it on. I was waiting for them to go out the next thing I knew I went to sit up and one was pushing me back in the bed telling me to lay back down. One was taking my clothes off, one was hooking me to machines and the other was sticking iv’s in my arm and doing more test.

That didn’t bother me but for whatever reason this kind of did. Not enough to tell him no he couldn’t do it. It was more of an annoyance thing I think. Because I already was. So we got started he checked my breast and then moved on to do the rest of the exam. Honestly as many times as I had them done I hardly felt him do anything. Most the time it is very uncomfortable and it hurts when they do the test and everything. I hardly knew he was doing anything or even touching me. When he was finished with the test and did the exam of the organs and things he told me what he was going to do and do it all and it didn’t even hurt. I didn’t have any spotting or anything after.

When they first came in they asked about birth control I told the doctor that came in with him I wanted the ring. She asked if I wanted it or if I had talked about it with the nurse or that she seen I had. I don’t know. She said they did not offer it she could give me a script for it. I said okay that was fine that is what the nurse said. Then she says do you know how much that cost? I said no that was going to be my next question. She said I think about $130 monthly. I wanted to cry. She said let me look it up why he does the exam and all that. I said okay. She looked it up and said that it was between $59 and $62 at a couple of the stores close there with a discount. And that was still monthly. I said okay that wasn’t an option. At this point I just wanted to bust out and cry. I was so upset and really annoyed at this point because had I known that I probably would of never went, I wouldn’t have missed work and be paying for a wasted visit. I don’t want the implants they keep pushing and talking about, I got pregnant on the pills with my oldest and even the nurse said the shot wasn’t a good option for me. I ended up with a low dose pill. I wasn’t happy but figured I should get something and try it and that was my only option. They gave me a 3 month supply. They said come back in two weeks for test results and call when I open my third pack of pills and tell them I need a supply appoinment. They said they give you three months to see how you are doing with them. They said some people love them some hate them or don’t do good on them. It takes a few months to really see how your body is going to respond to them. If you like them and want them they will give you the rest of the year supply for them at that appointment and your good until next year.

I was ready to have an emotional break down by the time I left and I was surprised at how I felt and how upset i was over it. They could tell I was in a much different mood when we were done than when I went in. Three or more of them asked me if I was okay if something was wrong and everything before I left there.

I was just upset because it is like I work my ass off, I do do and do and make sure everything is taken care of and everything else. I can’t even afford to take the birth control I am comfortable with taking, the form I feel is best for me. I already don’t take my depression and anxiety meds because I can’t pay to see the doctor every three months and the therapist every week like they make you see in order to get them plus the price of the meds and then the missed time at work on top of that. Now something as simple as birth control I can’t get either because it cost to much.

It was just that let down feeling that no matter how hard you try even simple little things don’t fall in place. I feel like I am trying to be responsible and do the right thing and this is how it turns out for me. I am supposed to trust these low dose pills when I got pregnant on the pill before. I am supposed to just get these implants that really aren’t that great for you and cause a lot of problems for a lot of people. I have a hard enough time on the pills with my moods and hormones I don’t want an implant. I seen so many say they pulled them out their self because of how bad they felt and the doctors tell them just wait it out for months some like 6 to let your body adjust or take forever to get them back in to get it out. Them moving and causing problems just to much. I have done a lot of research and felt really comfortable with using the ring. I am one who don’t like to take or use a lot of meds and things you all know if you read my blog. I am not a fan of birth control because so many have such nasty side effects. I asked about the patch I used it before. I was okay with it but didn’t like the fact it came off sometimes and there was always a spot from where you wore it for the month or week whatever it was. But I would rather that than the pills or anything else if I could not get the ring. They didn’t have it either I think she said and it cost a lot too. I liked the ring because it was the same idea as the patch pretty much just inserted vs. wearing it. I figured I would probably do alright with it as well.

By the time I left there I was ready to just break down and cry. I felt like I just needed one of those cries where you have held it all in for so long and you can’t anymore. But of course I had to. I had to suck it up, hold it in and go to work. I even thought about calling out of work. I thought about calling telling them I had issues at my appointment and wasn’t coming in. I thought about going to see JW before going to work. It is almost 20 miles the other direction but I just wanted to go to him and be with him for a few minutes. I just wanted him to hug me. I just wanted to feel his arms around me, pulling me into him and holding me. I wanted to feel safe and like everything was going to be okay. That I wasn’t in this alone. I just wanted him to make it better. I knew there wasn’t anything he could do but I felt just being there him holding me everything would be okay. But I figured they would be busy and he wouldn’t be able to come out or would only be able to for a second and that I would just be more upset and probably wouldn’t go to work at that point. I wanted to just get his keys as well and go to his house and go to bed for the day. I felt so bad and didn’t want to be around anyone else but him and I knew he couldn’t leave work. I figured I would just go get in his bed, cry and sleep for the day. But I did the responsible thing and went to work. I held it together and made it through my day. Like I always do, no time for a melt down or pity party or a break down for me. Have to get up and keep going and stuff it all down. When it starts to boil over you stuff harder and plaster that fact smile on bigger.

{April 27, 2018}   Don’t Yell at Me

I finally talked to Starfish Wednesday evening. He didn’t call me before work, I really didn’t figure he would. I knew he probably wouldn’t be home yet. I messaged him later that evening told him I got off at 7 to call me then. That way I could talk on the way home. Not have everyone on top of me listening. About the time I walk in the door my phone was rining. I walked outside answered him.

We talked a little, couldn’t even tell you what about. I ask him what was going on? Where he had been and everything.

He said that boss messaged him wanted him to go get him something. Told him he give him more money if he go do it. So he says he went with his brother and his girlfriend to get him what he wanted. He says the 3 of them were sitting in the car and got robbed by 3 guys. They took their phones and all their money. From there he went to his other family members house stayed until he got home sometime yesterday. He tells me they figured out who the guys were they went to ones house and they ended up gettinf their phones back. But his moneys gone his arms hurt and all this.

He telling me this is crazy, this is bullshit, I’m not doing this no more, I can’t live like this risk my life doing this shit. I said good I hope you really mean it and stick to it. This is a wake up call for you.

In a little while he tells me he is at the hospital his arm is burning feels like it is going to fall off. I ask how he hurt it or what was wrong? He said I will tell you later. He never left the hospital until after midnight. They checked him his sugar was high, so they brought it down before they did anything to him.

That was all last night Wednesday night. This morning I text him good morning like I do most the time. It was between 7/8 am. About 8:45 he was calling me. I just pulled in to my job interview. We talked a few minutes. His arm came up. He said I don’t want to tell you. I said why? He said I just don’t you will get mad or something like that. I told him I had to go I would call him when I got done and we would talk and he would tell me then.

I did my interview and called him on my way to work. We talked about how my interview went. I stopped at McDonald’s on my way. I ordered a large tea and hashbrown. He said um what did you just order? I repeated it. He said thats what I thought you need to quit eating that junk and start eating real food and better. You get onto me about taking care of myself and eating right. I said yeah I know but…..He cut me off said no I’m tell you like you do me no excuses.

I got out of there hit the highway to work. I said okay so what happen to your arm that you don’t want to tell me? He said your right I don’t I don’t want you mad at me. He said you can’t yell at me okay? I know it’s bad already. I said I promise I will not yell, besides I have never yelled at you.

He like well the other night and told me what all happen again. He told me how they found out where the guys were and went there. He says in the process of finding them going there, yeah um I got shot in the arm.

I started to say something I didn’t even know what to say. He telling me again he can’t live like this and he not doing this again this and that. I never said anything about it really. He said he wasn’t going to go to er that way. He went home got the bullet out but now it’s infected. He told me why I was doing pizza’s tonight he was going back to the er. Said they told him to come back in 24 hours for a follow up.

He sent me a picture, its pretty nasty because he didn’t get it treated right away and his sugare problems. I just hope he really sees now and this scared him enough to not go do this crap anymore. He told me two or three times he done he not risking this no more. Last night he told me he is done with the boss he is not going back there no more at all for anything.  I don’t know how that will end up. I said good I hope so I been saying that for how long now. He said I am.

He said something yesterday I never heard him say, I was surprised by it. He first told me he got shot and that was what was wrong with his arm. He said something about being done he couldn’t keep doing this and living this way. He said he didn’t have a lot longer to live anyway, he was 44 he was going to die by the time he was 62. He had to get his life straight he needed to work on hisself for a while. He said I mean it, I don’t care what others want or need, I am tired of doing and doing for everyone, caring for everyone and everyone dropping me, or giving up on me and walking away from me. He said I haven’t walked away from no one, I do everything I can for everyone and care about everyone and always end up alone. I don’t want nothing right now not even a women. I need to work on me get my life together and do what needs to be done for me.

I was happy to hear that, it is not something I have ever heard him say. I have said to him he needs to not worry about everyone and taking care of or doing for them. That he needs to take care of fixing his life and making hisself happy and things. He always says but this and that or he can’t he needs this or don’t have that. Or I point out why are you doing for this person when they are doing you this way that way and just said all this crap to you? Why are you so worried about doing this for them when they don’t care about you and treat you this way? Do you know what you look like to them? They are sitting back laughing look how we can do him then we say jump he jumps. I said you need stop worrying what they want and think and think about what they really think about you not what you want them to. He just gets quiet don’t say anything.

I think yesterday he is starting to see. He sounded like he was almost in tears. He had called me to talk as soon as he woke up. He never calls that early and not even up that early most the time. I just hope he can do it this time really get away from it all.

{November 1, 2016}   A Night Out

Father of the Year finally made it over Friday night to do his birthday with the kids. I left and went out with my friend. The kids made cake and brownies. They got the new Ghost busters and star wars movies to watch said that was his gift watching movies with them. I am find with that. I don’t think he liked it to much but I don’t really care. They put it all together and decided on everything. If they had ask to get a gift I would have taken them to get something little. I am not spending a ton on him but $5 or $10 I would have gave them. I know what it means to them to do stuff for the holidays. But they didn’t, I hadn’t even said anything about gifts and my 6 year old said and now we got the movies to watch as for his gift. I wasn’t going to tell him that wasn’t a good enough gift they needed to go find something else. He was very excited about it and proud of himself. He could’t wait to spend time with him that is all he wanted so if it was good enough for a 6 year old it should be for a grown man. Right?

Me and my friend started out at the pizza place by my house, we got a sub and sat to eat it there. The place we wanted to go and was supposed to meet her friend out had a cover until 9. I’m sorry I am going in these places and paying to drink and that isn’t cheap I am not paying to walk in the door as well. $10 buys two drinks or more depending on what you are drinking. I prefer shots but will drink some mixed drinks like Jack and coke or long island ice-tea. Sometimes I will get the Smirnoff in the bottle and sip when I don’t want to drink to much because I have to drive. Anyway we got in and it was dead, really dead and it didn’t look like they expected anything to really go on. Half the place was closed off and everyone was just kind of standing or sitting around. There were a few people line dancing that was it. We had an Apple Pucker found out her friend wasn’t coming and left.

From there we went back toward home since we were a little ways from there. We stopped at this little bar that has been there forever but neither of us had ever been to and went in there. They had a few more people an people coming in but the music was horrible and we knew no one. No one had anything to say we sat at the bar and the it took the bar tender forever to get to us. I was about to leave when she finally decided to stop hanging out and talking and come down to us. My friend requested something different then everyone was up and acting stupid and shit. I guess they didn’t like we asked to play something else. We finally got our fireball we ordered and left.

She wanted to go somewhere they played country I had no idea where because most places around here don’t anymore. I told her I knew about this place way out north of us that was supposed to but I had never been in there and hadn’t heard anyone talk about it since me and RC were together, but I knew he use to go there and it was a country place. We went up there it was busy and they had good music. We sat there and talked for an hour or so until about 1 something and left. I did not want to be pulling out of there at 2 am when they closed.

We left there and went over to my friend J’s house. I had ask her to go with us but she said she could’t. She had called me when we were on our way to the first place and text me a few times. My friend with me said she was probably sleeping I said oh well we will knock on her door until she answers. She is up late most nights anyway and her husband comes and goes all hours of the night and day for work. So we went barging in and she was up. We ended up sitting on her porch until 4 in the morning. We sat there laughing and carrying on, all the while the odd guy down stairs sitting down there listening. When we first went out he asked for a smoke, my friend J told him that she didn’t smoke. I told him we had one but it cost 75 cent. He said ok why don’t you give it to me and I will go in and get your money. I said oh no not happening I’m not stupid and last I checked I don’t have fool written across my forehead. He said okay, okay, I will go get it. A guy stopped us outside of one of the little stores and asked us to buy one said he had 50 cent then gave her 56 cent for one. I said hey look you made $1.31 on two smokes and a pack only cost $3.25. I told her maybe we should buy two packs next time keep on for her sell the second and have money to but a couple more packs.

I was shocked not one place we went did anyone come up and talk to us. Well other than some guy that came over kissed her on the top of the head and gave her a high five. Most the time I go places a few people come over talk but some drinks and stuff. Not Saturday no one said anything to us. I don’t know if it was because every where was doing their Halloween stuff and we weren’t dressed up or what. But we decided that we liked the last place we went and if or when we get to go out again we are just going to go there first instead of other places then there.

I got home at 5:45 as Father of the Years alarm was going off for work. Then he started about how late it was and me being up all night, was I going to be able to take care of the kids and be up with them. He needed to stay home and everything else. I told him I was fine and to stop looking for an excuse not to go to work. I told him I didn’t care if he went or not but if he didn’t he wasn’t staying here and blaming it on me he was leaving. He finally went to work, he was so worried we never heard anything from him until almost 5 that night. Not that I wanted to hear from him at all but you would think if he was really that worried he would have called during the day to see if I was “awake” and the kids were okay.

It was nice getting out for a while and hanging out with friends. I am glad we ended up at the last place and that we stopped by my friend J’s place. She was depressed because everyone was out and having fun while she was sitting home alone all night. She was so glad to see us. I may have flashed the tow truck driver that lives in the building next to her while we were there. He is fine I been looking at him since he moved in a few months ago or more. But I think he lives there with someone I’m not sure. The next day I told her hey you know what as late as it is he probably isn’t thinking that you would have company over and me and her are about the same size. He probably thought it was her that flashed him. She was like oh my god gee thanks, that’s all I need. I said your welcome just let me know if you need anything else. I told her just don’t answer the door if there is a tow truck out front and if her hubby says anything blame it on me that what everyone else does. Hey at least this time it would be my fault.

{September 3, 2016}   A Night I Won’t Forget

Night before last we had that storm coming through and was going to get some of the bands in our area. My friend messaged me and said she was scared. I told her to come stay with me and the kids for the night. I was out shopping and had to pick the little ones up from daycare then I would come get her. She said she still be scared at my house I told her I would be more scared in a trailer with it coming through. But she said she was very scared of any kind of storms because of the way her dad was when she was younger. Told her she could still come if she wanted we eat put the kids to bed and get to catch up. She been wanting to talk to me and tell me some stuff and we haven’t gotten together in a while because of her being sick and me so busy. She decided to come, so I went and picked her up.

It was just a normal night we came home she helped me make dinner and we ate. I had kids get baths, clean up some and go to bed. It was probably about 10/11 she went outside to smoke. I walked out with her and we sat down and started talking. we sat there for a while talking.

the way my house is set up you walk out my front door onto a little slab that is about three foot by three foot. Probably not even. I have two plastic chairs sitting on it there is room to walk in front of them and get in the door and things but nothing huge. You step of of it to the left into the yard or go straight step into the carport. So my truck is pulled up right there in front of the carport but not in as it won’t fit in the carport. I moved the chair over so the back was facing my front door so I wasn’t sitting right beside her but facing her kind off. I was facing the carport so she could smoke and it wouldn’t blow over on me. I sat my glass around behind the back leg of my chair so it didn’t get knocked over. I have to get a table for out there.

Anyway we sat and talked like I said for a long time. I turned to get my glass and I seen a flash of light come from beside my house. I didn’t hear a car and one never came up. For it to be as close as it was we should have seen and heard it right away from down beside my house. So I got up and walked down the driveway out into the street in front of my house because we seen it a few more times on other trees that if it was a car we would have to see them in order for the light to shine where it was and it wouldn’t be fixed on the trees. It had moved. I walked from there down the middle of the street that goes beside my house up about 3 or 4 houses and looked down behind mine and all around to see if I seen anyone out. I didn’t see anything and walked back up to where we were sitting the same way. I scared her when I walked up she was looking the other way but I thought she had seen me coming back up the street. She was looking behind my house and said she heard something she thought I went down and was going to come around the back and into the carport not the way I went. She thought I was behind the house. We thought then it was probably someone hiding where I couldn’t see them on the side of the other side of the house or bent down back there so where in the dark and went over the fence when I got out of sight. I can see back there but like anywhere there are dark spots still and shadows they could be in.

We sat back down and started talking again, we seen something up the street from us. I said lets walk to the end of the driveway and see if it’s someone or something blowing in the wind because it was strong winds from the storm but not raining. She didn’t want to leave the front door in case someone was messing around behind the house or close after what we heard. I got my keys and locked the door and we walked to the end of the driveway in the street and was looking around. We couldn’t figure out what we were seeing and figured it was trees or something. There has been a few times cars were broken into around and there are always people walking around here all hours of the night. It was just how we kept seeing it in one spot and the way it was moving not like someone just walking down the walk. We figured we look see what it was. Oh and we seen a flag someone had hung up so we figured it must be it because it was new and why I hadn’t seen it before. We thought if it was someone who went over the fence maybe it was them still messing around and we could see who it was.

We sat back down and in a little bit this SUV pulled up on the side street that is across from the guy next to me’s house. It didn’t pull up to the stop but feet back behind the bushes. The sat there with their lights shining over by where we were sitting for a few minutes but we couldn’t see who was in it or what they were doing. I don’t know if they could see my because I was down behind my truck I am sure they had to see her where she was sitting. In a minute they turn and go down in front of my house. I know then they could see me no problem. They went two streets up and turned. I figured maybe they were lost and looking at their phone trying to figure out where they were going.

Few minutes later they come back stop in the middle of the street that is by my house that I walked down earlier to see if I seen anyone behind it. Then the pulled up where the back of their truck was just behind or just past my truck but not to the stop in front of my house. I didn’t stand up I just leaned forward more over down in front of my truck trying to see around the front end to see if I could see what they were doing and why they stopped. She could see it good. But the windows were so dark tinted that she couldn’t see in. I got up and moved around a little to try and see. The driver put the back passenger window down the passenger behind the driver turned the light on the roof on. I seen someone go down into the floor. In my mind it looked like someone being pushed into the floor. I was trying to stand up the rest of the way and see what was going on. Because I couldn’t see still because of the truck I could just see whoever was sitting up go down like into the floor I couldn’t see but the top of the window by the roof.

All of a sudden my friend stand up and is leaning over me with her arms all stretched out and she is trying to walk toward me and get me to move back. She is saying go in the house go in the house. I thought she was scared they were going to get out and start or had the same thought they had some one and was forcing them to go with them and they were fighting. I said no I want to know what they are doing out here by my house this is the second time in a few minutes they stopped. I was trying to get her to let me stand up more. She said gun they have a gun get in the house. I turned and started for the door she was right on top of me. I ran into the door trying to open it, I hadn’t unlocked it when we came back up earlier. I only have 4 keys on my ring. Two truck keys the gun cabinet key and house key. I was fumbling with the gun key and house key trying to figure out what was what in the dark and then to get the key in the door in the dark. We had the light off so the bugs wouldn’t swarm us and eat us why were talking. When I got the door open the truck drove off. We got inside.

She said when they stopped it happen like I said the one turned the light on from the back the driver rolled the window down. What I thought was someone being pushed or told to get in the floor was a guy and he bent down to the floor and when he came up he had a gun pointed right at her. She said she could see him and the driver well but not the other two people in the truck. She said I jumped up and leaned over you to cover you in case they started to shoot. I said I thought you were scared because they were fighting or not knowing what was going on I couldn’t see more than the top of the window. I thought it was odd she got scared and was trying to go in the house because she is like me if we hear something or something is going on we are going to see what it is and take care of it run them off call the police whatever has to be done.

My phone was dead it had popped up long ago and said I had only 5% of my battery or less left. I called 911 when the lady answered I said this is my address and gave it to her I said I need you to send the police right now my phone is about to die so we are probably going to get disconnected but please just send the police anyway and gave her my address again. She started asking me questions and I answered her. She wanted to know why and so she knew how many to send and things. I told told her. I am really shocked that it did not hang us up but it didn’t I was able to tell her everything that happen and they sent them. She asked if I felt ok to hang up I told her yes we were inside and for now they had left. I was going to charge my phone so I could call back if I needed to if anything else happen before they got to us.

The cop came and he was really nice and he said they were all over the area and looking for them but hadn’t seen any care that matched. He had my friend write out a report since she was the one that seen the gun and could id some of the people in the suv. He said right now it was an aggravated assault but unknown person. If they found the truck they would bring her to id and then fill in the names and things. He asked if I had any weapons inside. I told him I had two guns, he said I suggest you go inside and load them and keep them on you. I suggest you keep one loaded and on you at all times. I asked about a permit class and things to carry. He said you can have it on you in your home and even in your yard. He said you can keep it in your truck in the glove box in a holster. Just not to take it in anywhere or anything like that. My friend said yeah but you can’t shoot them through the door or the window you got to wait for them to come in. The cop said if they are turning my door knob or messing with my window I am going to shoot first and ask questions later. They have no reason to be trying to come in my house or messing with my windows. I said if they are trying to come in my door or window I’m not waiting for them to get inside either. I have 4 children in my house to take care of if you are messing around my window you have no business being at to start with I assume you are not there for anything good and that you are not going to do anything good once you get inside. I am not going to risk them getting inside and over taking me or grabbing one of my kids. The cop said that’s right. I had ask the cop before what if I shot someone through my window. He said it is all in how you feel. I said I don’t feel safe I feel me and my children are in danger if someone is at my window. If they wanted me for something they would come to my door and knock. He just said that is what you have to say if it happens.

He talked to us for a while told me a gun range I could go to that did classes and things for women and told us what kind of holster to buy that was safest and things. He left and said to call back if we seen the car or the guys again so they could try and catch them so they could charge them. He said stay away from the windows and not to go out until daylight.

We came in sat here talking bout it for a little bit. We kept hearing cars come by and I look to see if it was them coming back or someone else. It didn’t seem like no time later I hear something like people talking but did not hear a car. I could tell they were close because they didn’t seem loud. I looked out the window and there was a guy riding a bike no shirt, hat and backpack. I said something to her she got up and looked. Then about the time I said something to her here came another with a jacket on and a backpack. They said a camping backpack later. It had straps to strap it around your chest and waste. It was like whatever he was going to do he was going to make sure not to lose it or leave it. They both looked like they had something big in them. About the time she came across the room and looked out here came the red SUV back flying by them. I thought it was going to hit the one it was so close and so fast. She looked out the window and said oh my god that is the guy that pointed the gun at us on the first bike. She was so fixed on watching him she never even seen the guy on the second bike. She called 911 because my phone was still charging and told them the car just went by again and that the one that had been in it with the gun was going by on a bike. They said they were going to search the area first and then come here if anything happen to call them back. That point why she was calling 911 I got the gun out an loaded it. I figured before they are driving by if I am in the house and they drive by and shoot having my gun loaded isn’t going to do me no good. But then seeing them on bikes I figured they could ditch them somewhere and walk up knock on the door or anything and shoot.

In a little bit the cop shows up we go out to talk to him. He asked if we could be wrong about what kind of SUV it was. We said we could but we were pretty sure by the way it looked and told him. He said he was like 2 blocks away when the call came in and came around the way the bikes were going and he never seen them or the SUV anywhere. He kind of acted like he thought we were lying. He said his lieutenant  wanted to talk to us he was on his way. Asked us again about what kind of SUV. He said they had a red one pulled over up the street but it wasn’t a explorer. Then they came over the radio and said that it had a tag for a green blazer out of a town miles away. Then they said but it is on a red pick up truck. We said no that is not it at all it was a red SUV for sure. Another cop started pull up and park in front of the house the cop said that was the lieutenant . About that time we seen other lights and looked up down the street came the red SUV. We said that is it right there that is the one. He went to go out to the street and it started to stop at the sign he flashed his flashlight at them and waved for them to stop. The SUV punched and hauled ass around the corner and took off. The car that had just pulled up took off after him as he jumped in his car and turned around and followed. He got about 5 miles up the road before they caught him. In a little bit the cop who came out the first time we called came back and asked my friend to go with him and she if she could id the guy that was driving. He said they finally got them to stop but that there was only one person in the truck the other three were gone. We told them we knew two were on bikes somewhere in the area.

He took her and she told them she was 98% sure that he was the one driving when the guy pointed the gun at her. He told her they couldn’t do anything but hold him until she said yes he was involved. She said they had her stay in the car put the class up and was shining the lights in his face and telling him not to look at her and things he was fighting with them and turning to look at her. She said he was trying his hardest to intimidate her. She said she told the cop it was him and he said over the speaker it was a positive id and they grabbed him and cuffed him and started searching the suv. She said that they had the carpet rolled up on the back passenger side and their was a hidden compartment. Right where the guy bent over and got the gun from when they stopped out front. But the gun was gone just like the other three guys. They found drugs on the guy and he was on probation. The cop brought her home and told us do not come out of the house because they still had no idea who or where the other three guys were and the gun was missing as well. They said they can not charge him with anything that happen here until they get the guy who pointed the gun and the gun. But he did go to jail for vop and the other charges. Makes me kind of mad because we know what happen and he was involved drove him here to do and put the window down for him to do it.

He made it very clear not to come out side or answer the door for any reason even if we thought it was them they would call us first again. To get the gun and load it if we hadn’t and not to be in a room with windows. We sat here the rest of the night at the table checking the arrest report to see if they had took him to the jail and booked him so we could see what his name was and I could see a picture of him. They would not tell us his name said they were not allowed. I said he can come to my house and do all this and there are still three out there to worry about but you can’t even tell me his name so that I can see if it is someone that I may know or at least know what he looks like so that when he gets out since he isn’t being charged for what happen at my house? They said no you can get the report in 3 to 4 days and it will be on there. What good is it in 3 or 4 days. Do you know how much could happen in 3 or 4 days? It finally showed up, I have seen him around but do not know him. Just like at the store or something like that.

The cop the first time we called came out, asked if either one of us had anyone we made mad or enemies or anything like that. If I had seen them around here before. I told him I am a full time student taking classes at the college and have 4 kids I don’t go out or talk to hardly anyone. I talk to my friend that was here and I talk to my friend that lives a couple towns away. That I hardly ever have anyone at my house like she was that night. I told him I don’t even take classes at the college I talk them online at home so I don’t even talk to people there. I said it has been over a year since I had someone that came over and just hung out for a while or what. Most times if someone is here other than Father of the Year they are here for a few minutes an hour and gone. I just don’t have people over a lot. I said I am not outside just sitting and hanging out at night if I don’t have someone over. Most the time if someone is over we sit outside because they smoke or as to not wake the kids or the kids are up and playing we sit outside to talk and let them play so I don’t know who is going back and forth or around most the time. She is like me she don’t talk to or hang out with anyone. She been sick and she stays to herself most the time too.

I don’t know what to think the officer was very sure that they were going to shoot, if my truck had not been parked there and she had not gotten up and kept me from standing up. He thinks that her standing up and not letting me stand up and us being in front of and on the other side of the truck at that point and it being so big that they couldn’t get a good shot. We heard the gun click I didn’t know that was what it was until later because I didn’t know there was a gun. He said had I stood up being taller they would have had a good shot right over the hood of my truck and they probably would have taken it. When they seen the door open they knew we went inside and left.

He said he didn’t know if one or both of us was targeted or if it may be gang related and a initiation kind of thing.

He was so surprised how calm we were and how calmly she handled it being that she seen the gun and that she leaned over me and got us in the house. She told him that she didn’t want to yell or panic because she figured they would shoot then no matter what. That she leaned over me so that if they did start shooting at least maybe they wouldn’t hit me that I was a single mom with 4 kids to take care of and things. I told him I am pissed off and mad that they came her and done this. That I have no idea who they are and that we were sitting here at my house not doing anything or bothering anyone and never do so they had no reason to bring this to my house and do this.

I’m still not scared, I am still pissed off and mad about it. Maybe a little numb. I don’t know if it is just the shock hasn’t wore off or what. I told her I don’t want the kids to know or Father of The Year to know. I don’t want the kids to be scared and I don’t want Father of The Year to start shit. All I will hear is I need to move I need to this or that. I can’t not afford to move and I am not moving in with my mom and them.

My friend lives down the street where they keep coming in from I went and had her pull footage from her camera and see if she seen the two guys on the bikes so we could give that to the cops so they could be on the look out for them and know that we were not lying. But I don’t think they feel we were lying anymore and the first cop that ever came out never acted that way and the lieutenant  didn’t want to talk to us after they caught the guy. But I figured if we had them on video would prove they were in the are as well. They do have the car going back and forth and the cops and the cops flying after him. So we are now trying to figure out where the guys on the bikes came in from because the truck had not came back into the are before the bikes came by. Only thing we can figure is that it came in passed her house and let them out before mine.

I went across and talk to the people in that house because her wallet got stolen and they were talking about putting some up there. I went over when they were both home because I did’t want to scare her there by herself and talk to them. She said they hadn’t put any up. If they had they would have gotten really good shot of them probably because they had to ride right by their house. He did tell me that the street that they were going down was a drug house and that was probably were they were going when they kept coming and going down that street. He thinks maybe they were going to try and rob that house. We seen them going back and forth and were not going inside and they got mad. I don’t know I just hope they go on and don’t come back. The one guy they did arrest had a id for here and one for Alabama. They put his Alabama address instead of his address for here. I am no sure why they did that and would like to know his address for here. He could live on that street right next to me here and I not even know. It be nice to know if he is living next to me. They were in a company vehicle but it didn’t have a name on it and they wouldn’t tell us what company. I don’t know if maybe it was just one of theirs and they have some kind of little company doing yards or something like that or if it is a bigger company. If it was a company they are working for I could maybe find out from them if this was the person who is supposed to be driving or someone else. If it was someone else then who was drive we could see if they were the one with the gun. The cop said they thought they switched up what they were wearing and who was where in the truck. But she said she was sure he was the one driving when they stopped and that the guy on the bike was the one who pointed the gun at her. It had all happen with in an hour or so of each other so she knew what they looked like. We made the first call at like 1:30 and the second call around 2:30.

Warning for guys upfront this is one you may not want to read. I am sure it is probably way off topic of things you want to think or read about.

Ok ladies I really hope you don’t mind answering this question for me. As I am really trying to decide what I should do and learn the pros and cons of all my options out there. I know you can research them online and ask your doctor. But that only tells you so much. I would like to hear from real people who have are using them.

If you are comfortable with leaving your answers in the comment area that is great this way others will have answers too. If not that is fine also if you would like to give your comments but not for everyone to see I understand 100%. You can email me your answer to the asingleparentslife email. Also all comments have to be approved before they are posted for others to see so if you trust that you can just state that you would rather your comment not be approved for all to see. I respect your wishes either way.

Ok here is my questions for you all…………………………………..

1. Are you or have you take any of the falling 3 pills?

A.  Seasonale     B.  Seasonique     C.   Lybrel

2.Why did you like/dislike them?

3. What other forms of birth control have you used besides this?

4. How did you like them compared to other forms you have used?

5. What side effects did you have from them?

6. How long did the side effects last?

I was on the pill when I got pregnant with my first almost 9 years ago. I took it every day same time all the time like they say and still got pregnant. It made me moody and sick some for about the first month. After that I don’t think it was to bad maybe once in a while. Not wanting to chance it with the pill again after I had my daughter I tried the patch that they just came out with. I really didn’t like it. I liked the idea and not having to take a pill every day it was great. But I felt sick all the time I was moody and sick all the time. Plus it never wanted to stay on for the full 5 to 7 days or what ever. The sticky stuff wasn’t that great. They say you can swim or take a bath with it and you really couldn’t. I really didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant because I could careless if we had sex or not. The moodiness could have been partly from hormones and things from just having a baby and all that goes along with it. But I know the not wanting to have sex wasn’t because I was back to wanting and having sex 3 weeks after I had her. Hell I was wanting it before that but that was the soonest I could lol. I will not take the shots at all. I have read to many bad things about them and know to many people who got them and had problems. They I know are not an option for me. I tried the ring for a short time also but it made me feel like the patch did. I finally just gave up and went back to condoms who never failed me unless I didn’t use them. Well until this baby and I really believe that I got pregnant this time from one of the times we didn’t use anything or that he did something to the condoms before he put them on. Just by the way he acted and things plus I have never had as many problems with condoms as I had when I was with him. In 9 years of using them.

I know pretty much for sure this is my last baby. I am thinking I want to maybe go back to something more than condoms. Just so I don’t have to worry about it all the time. I have a little while to think about it but figure I would start doing research now and getting opinions. I like these too because you don’t have your monthly friend every month. That would be nice.

Again thank you in advance for reading this and taking the time to answer. It is greatly appreciated as I don’t really know anyone who is on any forms of birth control. That might be why everyone I know has 3 to 6 kids lol.

et cetera
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