{March 28, 2017}   Perfect Stranger

I am siting here on my bed messing around on my laptop and messaging a friend when a message pops up asking me to do something between 830 am and 1130 am. They said sorry they knew it was late but was I available, it was about 11 pm at the time. I didn’t click into it show it wouldn’t show I had seen it or read it and did not reply for a little bit. I thought it was the lady at school who’s out daughter. I am supposed to go in tomorrow after noon to do crafts be there all day Thursday and Friday. I finally messaged her back and said I don’t even have my little ones to school by 830 and I have something to do for school, I am supposed to be there tomorrow afternoon I can come around 1230. I have to rewrite a paper for school and get it turned in. I should have had it done long ago but this teacher is lax but was asking everyone about it today. I told him I send it to him today but didn’t get to it. He said just get it in soon.

I never heard back from her and I thought it was odd they wanted me there at 930 when most days they are not there before 855. I went back to the message and noticed that there was stuff above what I had written tonight. I knew I had never talked to her daughter on there before. I pulled down to see what else was there thinking I missed part of the earlier message. I hadn’t, when I went up and read what was there I figured out it wasn’t who I thought it was. It was some lady I didn’t even know.

I guess about two weeks ago I messaged a lady on a site who was looking for a sitter for her two kids. I don’t normally do that I don’t like watching kids I don’t know but she seem to be in a jam and needing someone all the time. I figured maybe that would help me too. I looked at her page and things and she seemed okay. I didn’t look her up I figured I would if I thought I was going to be watching the kids. I messaged her asking what days times and things like that. I told her I went to school two mornings a week so that might be a problem. I didn’t hear back from her at all.

Now here we are a few weeks maybe even a month later thinking about it and she out of the blue wants to know if she can drop her child off at my house at 830 am. Again I have never met her, she has never met me, nor have me and the children met or have they had time to meet me and get to know me some. We don’t even have any of the same friends nothing at all other than a two second message I may be interested in watching your kids what times, ages, days things like that with no answer back. But now I can just get them tomorrow and start watching them. I could not believe that she would even do that not knowing me.

I just messaged her back and said I’m sorry I did not know who this way I just glanced at it and thought you were someone else, I can not I have to be at the school with my kids and do something for school for myself tomorrow. I need more notice than that. But, like I told my friend I will not be watching them if she wanted me to later even all the time at this point. Knowing that she doesn’t check people out and will just pick random people out of the blue who asked about watching her kid to just dump them with never meeting them or anything. What could or has happen to that kid already that no one know about then when I comes out who are they going to be looking at me because I am the one watching them now.

There is not way in hell I would randomly pick some stranger off facebook and let them watch my kids without checking them out, meeting them, getting to know them a little, let the kids all get to now each other and all that. Job or no Job I would take my kids to work with me before I left them with some stranger like that or just not go. There is no job worth leaving your kids with someone you don’t know at all. I feel bad for the kids I just hope that the ones who do take them are good to them and nothing happens to them because of the way she is doing things.

{March 13, 2017}   Adoption on My Mind

I don’t know if you all have seen the news paper write up Family Wanted? It’s about 5 siblings looking for a family to adopt them together. The artical don’t say what happen to the parents and why they need to be adopted out just tells about each one what they like to do and their age. They are 11, 10, 8, 6 and 2. Three boys two oldest and the 6 year old two boys the 8 and 2 year old. I jokingly said to my 13 year old we could adopt them the other kids say they want more brothers and sisters. She surprisingly said okay and really meat it, then went right into how we could fit them in the house we are in now and about having room in the truck for them. If we could get an extra seat and put in the truck or get a van. I was a little surprised and wondered what the other kids would say.

About that time my Big Guy Mr. 6 came by and I stopped him and asked him what he thought about three more brothers and two more sisters and showed him the picture. He ask about them and their ages and I told him what it said and each ones age. He smiled really big and said yes I want them when can we get them. I asked him where they would sleep and things and he told me on the living room floor and couch. I told him they couldn’t do that they would have to share rooms and things. He thought that was even better and wanted to know when I could get them for him.

He had to go get Big Boy to show him and see what he thought. He wasn’t as quick to get on board with the idea, he wanted more information about them like if they had phones, how old they were and if they would go to his school and help with chores and things like them? We told him their ages and that yes they all would go to the same school but the two little ones, that they would not have phones just like they are not allowed to have phones until they can pay for them and yes all have chores it’s part of being in the family. We told them what they liked and how old they were and that one was 11 like him and the other was 10 so close in age as him. Once he got all the information he needed he too was sold on the idea.

Miss. Little Bitty was sitting on my lap listening by this point since everyone else was gathered in the living room around mom she was going to be too. She was looking at the picture and talking about the two year old. We told her that she would get to be the big sister instead of being the baby of the family. That she would have more brothers and sister if we did that. She smiled really big and said really I like that I want them to live with us.

They decided that we could take all the dressers and things out of their two rooms put in an extra set of bunk beds and have room in the rooms they are in now for everyone to sleep. Then we could move the backroom that we use for the “library” and make it a family closet with all the dressers and chest out there and a place to fold the clothes.

Even the 13 year old who complains about sharing her room was fine with this idea. they even thought about putting all the boys in the back room the three little girls in the boys room and giving the 13 year old her own room and they were all okay with that too.

I kept telling them I was joking but they kept talking about it and what all they could do and how they all could go to their little private school together and how then most the school would be their family and what we would drive and how we could get them. They really want me to call about them and try to get them. They were all really disappointed and upset when I told them we really weren’t getting them and that they wouldn’t give them to me. They keep talking about how I need to just try anyway and it don’t matter that I am a student I am going to school to better myself and showing my kids that no matter what we can always do better and I am trying to do better so that we have more and can do more so then I could do more for them kids too. That is what my 11 year old said anyway. They even wanted to call them and tell them that we wanted them to live with our family and that we had lots of love to give to them and they were really wanted and that we had lots of animals to share with them. I told him it don’t work that way and that they would probably give them to a couple that they felt could take care of them better. He wasn’t happy about that because he said as long as we loved them we could and would take care of them as good as anyone. I all ways take care of them.

I feel bad because I didn’t think they would be so on board with it and be so disappointed that we could’t really do it. That is all they talked about until they went to bed and wanted to know if when we move could we adopt some kids to give them a good home and family? That those other 5 needed a family and home and that they wanted us to be the ones to give them that because they have lots of love. They know the other kids would like having more brothers and sisters too. If I thought I had a chance at all of getting them I would call and ask about them but I truly do not think that I have a chance in hell of getting them because I am not working right now and it is just me and the kids. But I think it would be so nice to give a family like that a home and the chance to stay together if I could. Maybe one day life goals.

{February 12, 2016}   Why Tell

When I was talking to the therapist the other week about little bitty’s dad and brothers she said is it even worth telling her at this point? My mom still thinks I shouldn’t tell her and that I shouldn’t ever ask him for support and even told me she was going to be really pissed off at me if I did. Like her being pissed at me is going to make a difference.

But like I told the therapist she got three brothers out there two right here with in a few miles of us. I don’t say anything and she shows up with one one day. What am I supposed to say then. It isn’t at all impossible or not likely. They are not that far apart in age so the odds of knowing the same people and having some of the same friends are very likely. I mean what were the odds of them showing up at her office the same place we have used for 8 years? Besides that I feel she has a right to know who her father is and that she has other siblings out there.

It’s not like she isn’t going to ask at some point and time why her last name is different than the other kids. What am I supposed to say to that? Oh I just didn’t want you to have your “dad” last name or the same name as the other kids? Everyone thinks I should just let her think Father of the year is her dad.

My mom see’s nothing wrong with it because she never told my brother that his “dad” wasn’t his dad until he was 18 and then only because she was mad at him and his dad for something they done. So she told him well why you go do all this that really isn’t your dad anyway. I’m still not sure how that all came about or what happen. I guess she cheated on my dad and then they stayed together or they were split up and then got back together. My dad knew but no one ever told my brother.

Then you wait until something happens and you have to tell them or until they are older or adults to tell them, what dose that do to the relationship you have with them? The fact that you held off on telling them something so important and significant in their life? I feel like I been lied to well really you are lying to them by not telling them and letting them believe something else. I would have a hard time trusting or believing or having any kind of close relationship with someone who lied to me or kept such information from me. I don’t think I would trust them again after finding out. If you tell them as kids it is going to have a effect on them if you tell them as adults it is still going to effect them. I would rather be upfront and honest with them from the start as kids and help them deal with it and decide how they want to handle it.

Like I said I am sure she will start asking questions in the next year or so about her name and things. I will just be honest with her, that she has a different name because she has a different dad. Go from there with whatever questions she has.

{April 29, 2014}   Sibling Relationships

My itty bitty has such a great relationship with her two brothers and sister. They love her to death and you can tell she loves them just as much. I’m so happy they have such a bond right now and hope they stay close as they get older and take their own paths in life.

But as you all who have been following for a while know, my itty bitty has three other brothers and a sister. I have talked about a lot how it bothers me that she may never know them or get to have a relationship with them because of the way things are.

Well last thursday my friend ran into RC’s ex wife at the store. They had only met once the night the cops were called and I was moving my stuff out.

She stopped her and told her who she was and asked her if she had the boys and how they were. Of course she has them said they were getting big and doing great. I’m happy to hear that but know they are having a hard time with all that has happen as well. They talked about how he had done everyone and his problem. She seen that my friend wasn’t happy with him and no longer talks to him. She was nice to her. She said that her boys talk about the kids all the time and want to see her daughter. That was his “gf”. She had told them they wouldn’t see them anymore because of the way things were and all. But my friend said that she told her they needed to get the kids together at the park and let them see each other and play.

Some how me and the baby came up and they were talking. She told her that I had no clue where he is and that he had only seen the baby once and don’t help with her or nothing. How I made him a album with all her photos in it and his old woman wanted to have me arrested. She also told her how I was really upset and mad about how it all happen and the fact that itty bitty had brothers and sister she may never get to have a relationship with. That I was hurt over not seeing the boys and how they were doing. Said his ex said she didn’t have a problem with me and that she didn’t have anything against me was talking about him and how he did and what he done with all the kids.

I am praying that she will let them see each other and spend time together even if its just at the park for now. I don’t expect to be buddy buddy best friends or her to let them come to my house or have us at hers. I would like for them to be able to come to the kids birthday parties or what at some point. But right now anything is better than nothing. If that’s all they ever get to do until they are older at least they will know each other and about each other and can have whatever kind of relationship they want from there.

I have thought about trying to contact her over the last two years but never have. I thought about trying now but figured it might be best to wait. Just see if she really gets with my friend and her kids and meets up or if she was just talking. My friend had sent her a friend request not long before she ran into her and she didn’t take it. She told her she didn’t because she didn’t know if she was still talking to him or what. I figure if she does meet them see how things go and I’m sure when the boys see her and her kids they will start asking about mine and things see where it goes.

If she don’t talk to her or meet up with her then maybe I will give it sometime and try to get in contact with her and just see if we can get the boys and itty bitty together at least. My other kids would love to see them and things to but if she isn’t ok with that I understand. Take what we can get and go from there.

She said when she told her it was a girl she she said aw she had never seen a little girl from his side before. She has a baby that’s about 6 months old. She said it’s dad wasn’t around either. Said she picks all the winners. Crossing my fingers and praying she will get a hold of one of us.

{January 28, 2014}   To Much Anger

Last night the kids were sitting around drawing and coloring before bed. We are sitting there talking and things. All of a sudden my big boy looks up and goes hey look I drew a picture and it looked something like this… chey I did this in paint but basically the same. He scribbled his all out or I would have just taken a picture of it. Anyway he says look me and brother are standing on the mount-en and that is sissy laying at the bottom she fell off. I know I really shouldn’t have but I laughed it was funny the way he said it. I know I know I know it isn’t good. My daughter freaked out he hates me why he do this and when he draws the family he leaves me out. Then she was saying he is going to do something to me one day and all this. I told her it is because of the way she treats him and how she calls him names and things. She and my mom of course say no it isn’t and she don’t do anything. Because she acts like little miss angel. I know a lot of it is from the way my mom treats her and him so different and things too. I didn’t say that I didn’t want to cause another big fight we had done had that for the night. So father of the year came home and someone said something to him about it and he is all flipping out and freaking out this isn’t good this isn’t right and blah blah.

Yes I know it isn’t right and yes I need to talk to his person about it but at the same time I can see how he feels and where he is coming from with it. I have always told my kids they can express how they feel and that it isn’t wrong that they feel this way or that way about something. Everyone has feeling and we all feel differently about different things. Some of us may cry because of something that others may not think twice about. Why others may get really angry about something why everyone else thinks it is funny. But I do need to talk to her and see what she thinks and let her talk to him and see if he will tell her what all is going on and if she seems to be worried about it.

et cetera
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