Single___Parent___Life











Had to edit to add a picture of puch getting his bath. He was sitting so nice until you try to take a picture then he jumps up and has a fit.

I haven’t been on the last few day’s because I have been in bed since Thursday night. I got off work a little early. I came home got everything set up and gave the dog a bath. I took him out to the hose it went well.  He was sitting but anytime you try to take a picture he jumps up barks and gets excited and jumps around. After that I took him in and got a shower myself. Then I took him for a ride to go pick up JW from work. He was so happy to go for a car ride and to his daddy.

We came home walked the dog and JW washed dishes and started dinner. I finished cooking and washed dishes from dinner. We sat talked and watched tv. My right side was hurting. It wasn’t bad at all just dull pain like maybe I pulled a muscle or something. I didn’t pay much attention to it or think anything of it. In a bit it went away.

We went to bed around 11watched the news and talked for a little while. I fell a sleep while he was watching his shows. I normally wake up a time or two in the night to use the bathroom or from being hot. I got up once and laid back down. I was rolled facing him he had his back to me. Just as I was falling back to sleep good he rolled over put his arm over me. He laid his knee on my side. He hardly touched me with his knee. But all of a sudden the pain that shot through my side was so extreme. Before I even thought I shoved his leg over. I thought he was going to fall off the bed.

After that the pain didn’t stop. It just got worse and worse. To the point I started feeling sick and thought I was going to puke. Finally after about an hour I woke him up. I needed something in case I got sick because I could hardly move from the pain. I did not know if I would make it to the bathroom. I wanted him to know something was wrong in case something happened. If I passed out or he couldn’t get me up or something. And see what he thought.

Just him moving on the bed made it so much worse. After he helped me he went and laid on the couch. I finally decided I had to go somewhere and get checked out. I know I have a gallstone and pron to cycst and they hurt when they pop. Either one you never know if it is bad enough to be seen and something needs done or if it will just pass.

But once the pain was bad enough to make me sick it was time to be seen. I didn’t know what we were going to do. As far as I knew they were not allowing anyone in the hospital but the person being seen. Unless they are under 18 then one guardian could go in. They wouldn’t even let them wait in the waiting room. I hate being in the ER alone. When I am to that point of being sick I just want someone there. He said he was driving me over there I ask him if he was sure. He said there was no way in hell I was driving and it was to late to be calling anyone. I needed to go now not once we found someone, they got ready and finally got here. He said if he had to he would just wait in the truck for me and if they kept me he would find someone to pick him up. It would be later people would be up.

We got there he parked in front of the door, helped me out and inside. Once they had me sitting down he went and parked the truck and came back in. They stopped him at registration for him to answer all their questions. They came and took me back. Told him he could come back once they were done with him.

The doctor came in right away asked what was going on felt around and did his exam. He of course ordered blood work, urine and a CT with dye. Right after he went out JW was finally able to come back. I went to the bathroom then got sick for the first time. I mostly just was dry heaving. Very little came up. Then I was stuck in the bathroom. There were bars to hold onto around the toilet and it was so low to the ground. I had to squat in front of it hold the bar to hold myself up. I couldn’t bend over because of the pain. Then jw had to come help me up because of the pain. It was a mess. I ended up in there I don’t know how many times.

They finally came in to do the iv get the blood and give me floods. They wanted to do it in my arm by this point the pain was horrible and I still had done nothing but dry heaving. I felt sicker than ever. I been there 45 minutes or more with no offer of pain meds or anything. They see the vain really well but once they get in it rolls or moves they can’t get it they sit there and fish for it and most the time end up blowing it. I hate needles and can not stand when they do that. I knew if that happened then the way i felt I probably would of pucked everywhere. I refused to let her do my arm. She said they have CT with dye they need it in the arm blah blah. I said no they don’t the hand is fine and that they did it with it in the hand ever time before. She gave me a gown to put on I ask her if I could stay in my clothes. I was cold already and hurting to bad to be changing clothes. I told her I had nothing metal on. All I had on was sweatpants and t shirt. I felt so bad I wasn’t about to put jeans or my other pants on. I got JW’s sweatpants and one of his black tshirts so I didn’t have to put a bra on either. She said I just don’t want to get blood on your clothes. I said why would there be chance of that? She said from doing the iv. I said oh that is fine I’m not worried about that. She said just stick your arms through put it over your clothes for now. Really how much blood are you going to get from putting an iv in or even taking tubes after that. If it is way down in my hand. I could care less at that point i was comfortable in my clothes. If they got messed up i could replace them. He wasn’t caring he said leave them on it was fine.

She finally stuck it in my hand got it right away first try. Got everything she needed then said she was now going to give me the medication the doctor ordered. I ask what that was and she said zophran. I asked if he gave me anything for pain. She said no. I thought I might cry. She said this will keep you from getting sick and stop the stomach cramps. I said that isn’t the pain the pain is in my side no where near my stomach and this is not going to keep me from getting sick. I am getting sick from the pain until it is less or I finally get sick and empty my stomach I am going to be in there. She told me not to go to the bathroom to puke in this little bag she gave me. I can’t do that. It is so small the opening is as well i don’t want to sit there in the bed puking in front of everyone walking by or what.

Well the pain was getting worse and then the iv in my hand made it unable to really move or get comfortable. It was in my left hand the pain in my right side. I got up and was walking around beside my bed there. JW was telling me I needed to lay down not be moving so much. I couldn’t help it. I tried to put my arms on the table they roll up to the bed for you to use. I wanted to just lean on it it was against the wall. It was sticky and dirty. The floor in my room was nasty the trash running over into the floor. The one roll of toilet paper was nasty i threw it in the trash. So now I can’t touch the table to lean on try to help with pain. I am hooked to the iv can’t go to the bathroom i was getting man. I hit the call button this nurse or something came in. I told her I had to go to the bathroom. She unhooked the iv to let me go.

I did have to go so I did. I was still about to get sick so I stayed in there. I honestly at that point felt better squatting down holding on to the bars. It took weight or pressure off my side. No sooner than i turned around and went to stoop down I got sick. It went all over the seat. I felt bad but I was trying. I thought earlier I seen blood in it but then thought no it was just something I had eaten. Now i seen it better was sure that was what it was. At that point most everything had come up i turned and spit in the sink and it was just bright red blood. I already told him I needed someone he was right on the other side of the door it was cracked. The bathroom was in my room and i open the door some when I finished using the bathroom. He went to find my nurse she came in there. I told her and showed her.

She said to me, I told you to stay out of here and if you had to puke to do it in the bag. Nothing about why I am puking blood. Or anything. I was mad I said I had to go to the bathroom and it happen before I could get out of here. I was getting paper towels trying to wipe my face and clear my nose and throat from what just happen she is being nasty. She did say the doctor decided to order something for pain since your still sick. If you get back in bed I can go get it. If you had puked in the bag i could of had that tested to see what is going on or what is wrong. There are reasons we tell you to do things. I said well like I said I didn’t know I went to the bathroom didn’t make it out. I asked what he was giving me for pain she said morphine. I ask if they could give me anything else told her how i had it before and on does i itched for 3 days. They told me it was normal and a side effect. She said it is a side effect but it is not normal to itch 3 days later. I told her how it done me when I was in labor she said you’re allergic to it. I said that is what I thought but they told me no. She said no you are. They ordered something else and gave me.

That only took the pain from like a 15 to an 11. But it was tolerable. They took me for the ct right after that that lady was really nice. She did the scan came gave me the dye and did the next one. Then took me back to my room. They finally came in around 6 something and said it was my gallbladder like I already knew. That I had stones in there but they didn’t feel they needed to keep me and take it out but I needed to get it done right away. Sent me on my way. For the last 8 years I have had one stone they said would pass that didn’t. In 2017 I still had the one stone. Now they say stones. But send me home again.

We got home around 7 something I stripped my clothes off I felt so dirty from that room and getting sick. I laid down. JW took a shower and came laid down with me and when he did I went right to sleep. I never even heard him get up and get ready for work leave nothing. Poor JW drove me over there sat with me helped me brought me home and turned around and was at work by 845am. His friend from work picked him up since I couldn’t drive him he said. He worked a 12 hour day and came home. I ask him to please go in late get some sleep at least before he went if he wasn’t going to call in. That is what I thought he had done when he came and laid down. He said no he just laid down with me for a few to help me feel better. He fell a sleep for about an hour that was it. He had only slept an hour or two before we went to the hospital.

I laid in bed all day and slept off and on Friday. I got up and went to get my meds they gave me from the hospital that was hell just driving there and back. I laid right back down. JW got home I was sleeping. I got up took my blanket and pillow to the couch sat there with him talked to him for a bit. He heated himself up something to eat took a shower and we went to bed. I slept through the night.

Saturday he had his friend pick him up on the way to work. I stayed home in bed again. The pain isn’t all the time it comes and goes like contractions and that is what it feels like but over in my side and radiates out from there. I got ready and picked him up from work at 8. We stopped by the house so he could change and walk the dog. Then went up the road and had dinner. I felt to bad to mess with getting anything ready or to cook. I knew he wouldn’t feel like it coming home at 8 after a 12 hour shift. I had not eaten since dinner Thursday evening. I was so hungry. Scared to eat anything. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and corn instead of fries. It didn’t bother me.

We pretty much came home showered and went to bed. I took my pain pills they helped me sleep but i got up to use the bathroom can’t get back to sleep. I was awake most of Saturday night but feel a lot better today. We went washed clothes I got what I hope to be my last covid test. Then we stopped to get something to put on the grill. Now we are home relaxing. The pain comes and goes still and got a little bad when we were doing clothes. But I think because it was so hot in there and I got over heated. I walked outside to the truck got a drink and felt better.

 



{July 4, 2020}   So Far Gone

I have been dealing with a lot and blind sided by a lot the last month. Dealing with my depression on top of it I haven’t wanted to do anything but stay in my bed. I pretty much have. Other than going to work by to see J.W and that is about it. I have to force myself up and then physically hurt and feel sick all day and like I can’t keep my eyes open. By the time I go to bed at night I lay there toss, turn and dream all night and hardly sleep. I have tried going to bed earlier, later and even hooking the tv up. Nothing helps.

As bad as I have wanted to get on here and write I haven’t even been able to force myself. To do that. It’s just something else on my list of stuff to do. Yesterday I was so exhausted and overwhelm with everything, I just started crying on my drive home after work. I got to J.W’s job he was out front. He came over to talk for a minute. He open the door and was like what is wrong? All worried. Then we talked once he got off and we got to his house. I felt some better after we talked. Not better like everything is fine now or going to be alright. But just a release I guess of everything I have been dealing with and not dealing with that has been adding up. I did finally sleep last night. I woke up and was woken up a few times and dreamed some. But for the most part i slept and slept hard.

I didn’t get to see him or talk to him this morning. I had an 8 a.m at the clinic. It is closer to work than home and him. I could of stop on my way but it would of only been for seconds and that is it.  Not worth waking him up to come to the door and say hi and bye. Because that is all it would of been. That was a waste of time going to the clinic because I was the 2nd person there and signed in. They said computers were down but that was it. I figured they could give me my 9 months of pills anyway since they are filled and laying there. They do a test no computer needed just a cup pee and a stick. Then hand you the bag of pills. Well they start calling people to do their test. They took the one girl who was in front of me and then 3 who came after me. Then a lady comes out and says did they tell you the computers are down? I said so can they do anything or are we just waiting for them to come back up? She said no they couldn’t do anything they had to wait because all records are kept on the computer and not being able to see everything from before they can’t do anything. I waited until around 830 and left. I had to be at work in an hour I could of waited 30 more minutes or so. But even if I had they had not done anything for me and those other 4 were in front of me. So I would of been there well past time for me to be at work. I got to work about 45 minutes early and clocked in. That was that.

I called later to set up a new time told them I had left earlier and why. She said oh we got computers back about 9:15. So 15 minutes before I had to be at work. I am glad I hadn’t waited and left when I did. I am going late next Tuesday to work because I have to be at the place to get my eyes checked at 11:15. It is on the other end of the county from work and closer to home. It would make no since to go to just have to leave.

It has taken me 2 or 3 days just to write this. Friday was another shit show dealing with my “boss” i was so mad I left without even getting my purse. All I have done for days is cry or fight crying. I feel so alone and i dont even know what. Jw don’t get it. I don’t know how to explain it to him. I say I want to go to bed not get up he says go i need to rest. I say im dreading having to get up and function he laughs. I just want to lay down go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so far gone. I don’t even know if or how I can or will come through it or come out. I don’t really want to. I just want to be done. He says sorry. I just want to yell at him shut up you don’t fucking get it. But i know it isn’t his fault he is only trying to help.

I am so bad I don’t even want to go around him or talk to him. I have thought about telling him maybe we need to take a break. Or just forget it. At the same time i just want him to hold me and make me feel better.

I am so over this bitch in my house still have not gotten rid of here. Wish something would just happen or she would leave.  She brainwash the kids they are going to get sick die if they walk out of the house. I Don’t care im going to bring it home give it to them. Everything else. They are scared to get close to me. I don’t know how to get rid of her. I’ve tried everything. This virus bullshit don’t help.

 

 



{March 11, 2020}   H1N1 Or Swine Flu Has Struck

Friday Little Bitty got home from school and went straight to bed. They called said she as rolling around crying and upset saying her head, belly and throat hurt. I ended up taking off early and taking her to get checked. They said she did not test positive for the flu or strep just keep an eye on her. She spent all day Saturday in bed and all day Sunday. Sunday night, Monday morning she woke me up about every half hour to hour telling me to stop talking she was trying to sleep and didn’t feel good or other things that I could not even understand. Finally she woke me up about 7 something I felt her and she was hot. I took her temperature and it was 103. I gave her a drink and some Motrin and we finally went back to sleep and slept for about 4 hours straight. Her fever was back down and stayed around 100. By a bout 3 or so she was feeling really bad and asking to go back to the doctor. We got ready and I checked her temp again, it was still around 100 so I didn’t give her anything.

We get to the doctor about an hour away with evening traffic and things. We waited probably another hour to be seen they were so busy. We got back there they took her temp and it was 104. They were worried about it got her something to bring it back down again. They tested her again for the flu and it came back positive. There is really nothing they can do but give something for fever get her to drink and give her something to keep her from getting sick. Because I was having to give her something to keep her from puking about twice a day but only like in the evening and at night. By that point I had done gave it to her in the morning and then again in the early afternoon.

She is out of school until Monday and that is our Spring break so she is out for two weeks before she can go back. I feel so bad for her she is so miserable and just cries she don’t feel good and can’t breath because her nose is stopped up and she feels sick and going to puke. Yesterday she refused the medication to keep her from puking and said she thought it would be better if she just puked than taking something to keep it from happening. But she couldn’t even because she has hardly eaten anything since Thursday night. She finally took the medication so she wasn’t dry heaving all after noon and could rest.

The doctor said she wasn’t worried about if she was eating or not but she needs to make sure she drinks. She said she wants her to have three 16 oz bottles a day but she may not get that in. That rule of thumb with her being sick is she has to go to the bathroom once every 6 hours or she has to go straight to the er and get iv fluids to keep her from getting dehydrated.



{December 30, 2019}   Let’s Get This Day Started

Well the work part of it anyway. Truth is my day stated over 6 hours ago with a lovely mommy, mommy wake up I don’t feel good, my belly hurts really bad. Then Little Bitty doubled over in pain and crying. Followed by three rounds of puking in 45 minutes or less. Poor baby girl was scared to death the first time. I gave her a bucket thing we had there so she didn’t have to have her face all in the toilet and she could sit she was hurting so bad. She got sick and there was something red in it. She freaked out started crying there’s blood, there’s blood. I was half a sleep didn’t know what she was talking about or saying at first then figured it out. It wasn’t but she was panicked because she thought it was.

After she was sick she said her stomach felt a lot better. She laid back down to try and go to sleep. She said maybe like the other week when you were sick I’m just going to get sick once and will be okay now. But in no time she was back up and sick again. After the 2nd time I started getting her ready to go to the hospital. We got almost to the hospital and she started getting sick in the car. We just threw the bucket away when we got there. We went in and there was a lady with her little boy that just got there as we did and got in before we did. She had a little boy that was sick coughing and things. They got him straight back and said they would come to get her in a few minutes.

Why we were sitting there she started crying in pain again and doubled over. They finally took her back. They said they were going to probably swab her for flu and get blood and things. I heard them talking to the lady with the little boy in the room over from us. They were telling her right away that he wasn’t going home they would be keeping him. They were going to do test and things on him there and send him out to one of the children’s hospitals. I was worried because he was getting sick in the waiting room.

The doctor finally came in and checked her out, he pushed all over her stomach and she didn’t even flinch. But said it was hurting. she didn’t even want me to touch her back she said it hurt so bad and was telling me to ask them not to push on her belly because she hurt so bad. Then laid there like nothing. The doctor told her he was going to get her to give him a urine sample before he did any other test and traumatize her. He said with little girls that little, They don’t always clean their self like they should and will cause UTI. He told her he was going to give her something so she didn’t get sick anymore and then some juice and crackers. The nurse came and got the sample and gave her the medication. About 730 they gave her crackers and juice and she held it down. They let us go home. he called her in medication to take to keep her from getting sick anymore. He said give it to her at lunch time and wait 20 or 30 minutes then let her have soup, crackers, things like that the next 24 hours.

I didn’t get to work until 11, I had to go home and get a shower, I went to bed early laid there awake until after 12 then was up with her at 530. I had plan to take one this morning but wasn’t going to take one before I took her because she got sick so much and I figured I would probably end up with puke on me as well before it was over. But I felt to gross not to take one before i came to work. I ran in took a shower why oldest got ready then we ran to the store and I came to work.

My friend I have been talking to messaged and asked if we were okay if she was alright. He told me to stop by his job on my way to work. I messaged and asked if he needed or wanted anything from the little store. He said a Mt. Dew. I took him that and stopped in he gave me a carton full of fried shrimp, I had said I was hungry. Oh my goodness it was so good. I have already eaten most of it.

I told Little Bitty to relax in bed today so that she hopefully don’t give it to anyone else. I told her she could play her tablet, light bright and stable there on the bed. She has more than enough room. We would watch our show together if she was still awake when I get there tonight. I hope that she is fine and feeling better tomorrow.

I wanted to stay home with her but I am missing my night job tomorrow because I am working my day job and they are working in the morning tomorrow. Then I am missing both jobs Thursday. So that would leave me missing 4 days of work basically if I was to miss today too. That is almost my full paycheck from my day job this week. I figure as long as she don’t puke anymore then she should be okay, not a lot I could do even if I was there other than just sitting there with her. I want to be but we need the money right now. With all the holidays and missed time already.



{December 2, 2019}   More Cancer

Bff called Friday and we were talking. She said I have to tell you something I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. You can’t tell anyone or say anything about anything. I said I’m not what is it? She said sleeping beauty has cancer. I said I knew something was wrong he had something. I told her a few weeks ago he had something she said oh no she had been to the doctor they tested him for AIDS and everything. I said I am telling you he has something he knows it. He made the comment to me to many times he was scared and what he has and what was wrong with him. She kept saying no and she been at the hospital with him they told her everything and talked to him she was right there.

She said that he told them at the hospital not to say any thing to her or in front of her. HIPAA keeps them from saying anything. Just like she said they treated him like a druggie and hardly gave him anything for pain. I said because they seen what he was a mile away and then they did a drug test on him to prove it and it told them everything they already knew. But again they couldn’t tell you.

She said he just told his family Thanksgiving about the cancer and that his mom had taken him to some doctors appointments already. I said he needs to go back up there with his mom and let her take care of him and take him where he needs to go and things. I said you don’t need to take on taking care of him and having to take off and take him all over the place. It sucks but he has done nothing but take advantage of  you for over a year now and still doing it. She of course says yeah I know. In other words yeah she knows but she isn’t going to do it and will probably end up being his care taker until whatever happens. Putting herself in more of a jam and at this point maybe losing her job. Because what I have heard from a few people between him and a guy at work she has already been in trouble and written up.

I don’t know it is bad but what can you say or do and the fact that he is sick now does not change all that he has done until now. I hate to see anything happen to him but it isn’t other’s place to take care of him when he has done nothing to take care of himself all this time and done nothing but used people and still using them.

She told me the other week he was working with the dumb ass that worked at the shop with us who messed the breaks up on my truck. I thought he would of been smart enough to get paid right away so that he would get paid. Then she tells me when we are talking about all this that nope he has worked weeks or maybe months now and has not been paid and that the dumb ass is saying he is waiting for this and that and to be paid so he hasn’t paid him. I said oh well then your both lost your mind if you really think he is going to get paid anything at this point. I said you both know him very well and know if he did not get paid when the work was done you aren’t going to get paid. I said he is the most lying, scamming coning pos out there. Well he is going to be pay pal this weekend and give him some money. I said yeah don’t hold your breath. She is waiting for this to help buy Christmas. Oh well she wants to be stupid about things and do all this knowing what she knows and been told and after everything that has happen that is on her. She said his family said she is the only one that hasn’t given up on him blah, blah. How is mom babied him and this is why he is the way he is. I said she is right, this is what i have said to you for how long now? You and her both baby him and enable him. I said there is a difference in being there and not giving up and enabling and being used. I said and all you have done is allow yourself to be used. She started with well he is good for the kids…..I said no he isn’t, what is he teaching x her son? That he don’t have to work to just find a women who does and that will let him live off of them? That he can do his drugs and treat them how ever he wants? I said at least his dad worked and taught him to get off his ass and work for what you want and to make away for himself. I said this one is undoing that and you have no one but your self to blame for that. I said what is he teaching your youngest daughter who just loves him and he has “helped” so much as you say? What that she is supposed to work her ass off to take care of a grown man that refuses to work and pay his way? Then if something happens to him to keep paying his way and then take care of him as well?

Of course she is all yeah but blah. blah. I said I’m not the only one that has said this to you and you know what everyone is saying is right. She said yeah, her older “son” as she calls him the one from the shop that lived with them keeps asking her why he is there and that she needs to get him out of there and everything. I said well he is right.



Seems as good of a place as any to start at this point. At work we had two drivers mothers pass away with in 24 or less of each other. They were both on the road at the time. They had to jump of the truck and fly home. We had to shuffle drivers out to meet their trucks so they could jump on them and keep going. Then we had to figure out how to fill their spots why they were gone. All on top of trying to figure out how to fill two or three other drivers spots because they left or came off the road for different reasons and are no longer going to be driving. They were at the end of their notices when this happen. The boss has been sick and missing a lot of work. The owner I have hardly seen this month.

The one driver who lost his mother, I don’t know him. I know of his name when they said it but I can’t even put a face with the name because I don’t see them enough. I know names with voices more than faces with this job since it is a lot of phone work. I am glad for caller id so that I can put a name with who is calling when I don’t know who it is. I am not sure what happen to his mom if she was sick or this was unexpected something happen. They just said she passed he was on a plane home and so and so was on their way to meet his truck and jump on it since he had to jump off.

The other guy that lost his mom was the one that comes in and talks to me that wants to take me and the other guy out for drinks. He tried to get me to go out to get something to eat or drinks with him all the time. I don’t know what happen with his mom either. I know she had been sick or had something going on since I started there back in March. That is when I first met him he was in talking to the guy I work with about his time off and being there for her surgery and things. I don’t know if it was something to do with what she was getting treated then of something else. I didn’t really ask, he hasn’t said anything about it really. When it first happen he called to let me know that he was going to New York and what routes he was going to miss and when he was going to be back. He said something about he guess I knew what happen or what then. I told him yes I had heard and sorry things but that is all we have talked about it.

Then there is the third one and this will be the big one that you all will know the most about because I have talked about this person here some. I think probably the just of her here in this post 80 Years. She is the one that my friend was taking care of the baby for this time last year. She had his first birthday for him, first Christmas, first steps everything with him. Mom was someone I knew from massage therapy school but wasn’t really friends with. We had met a few years later our kids were in school together. I tried to help her let her come over hang out and things but she was still using and started hanging out with a bunch of guys and things again. She was bringing them around and dragging her kids around with all these guys she just met and things. I stopped having anything to do with her. Shortly after that she lost custody of both her kids. She had two more I think it was and gave them up for adoption. She got pregnant again and decided to keep this one. Hints how my friend ended up with the baby when her and dad went to jail. As you can see dad isn’t getting out anytime soon. Mom got out right before Christmas and got him back. My friend had him off and on a few times over the next couple months.

Then her and her husband split and started the divorce process and she had a lot going on. Then the mom kept calling and messaging her telling her she needed a break and she hadn’t gotten to sleep in days or the baby was sick and she needed a break and the baby needed this or that. She told her she needed to be a mom and do what she needed to do to take care of him. She wasn’t going to have him all the time and her snatch him back and forth when she felt like it or just for show to make it look like she was being mommy. They had this conversation before her and her husband split because he wanted her to get him back and just keep him. What ever one was saying she was just using her and playing mommy when she felt like it. She finally seen and backed off then when everything happen with her husband after they split she stop having anything to do with her.

I guess it was two Sunday’s ago she called me before 9 a.m. Let me say I had not really talked to her at all in months now. Maybe a minute here and there she had let Sleeping Beauty come back and live with her. She had called and told me about that a few weeks before. I agreed with her family and told her she was wrong. Between that and him being there and her not being allowed to talk to me when he is there I haven’t heard from her. I had tried to call her since then and she don’t answer. She sends it to voicemail. I leave her messages and send her messages and she don’t reply. I guess it was a week and half a go on Sunday she called me I didn’t answer it. She called a second time right in a row and then sent a text. The text said she was going into her class at 9 wouldn’t be out until 3 but she had to tell me something important. I figured it had to do with Father of the Year. I figured I should call her back and see what it was so I didn’t have to wait all day wondering. I called her back and she answered. She said she could only talk a minute but that she had to tell me something and I couldn’t say anything to anyone at all or on line because only one other person knew.

Then she told me that the babies mom had died that morning. She said another friend of ours had just called and told her. She said the mother went into her room and she was on her hands and knees by the bed and she said something to her. She didn’t reply she walked over said something again and she didn’t move or say anything. She moved her rolled her over she just fell over I guess, said she wasn’t cold all over but parts of her were and her lips and things were blue. Said she called 911 and started cpr. I don’t know who was there with her or helping her. They said the baby wasn’t there her oldest son was but they said he didn’t see her. There are so many people in and out of the house it could of been her guy of the day or her brother or one of her moms friends who knows. I’m glad the kids didn’t see her. The baby was with her man of the week parents house and I talk to Bff Monday and she said they still have him. I can’t believe they have not gotten this baby back I am sure they probably hardly know this guy or his parents but that is how they are. They don’t care.

They said that the EMT got there, walked in checked her pause said she was gone and walked out. Called for someone to come and pick her up. No CPR, odd drug intervention or anything else. Bff and our other friend were surprised. But like I told them she was already blue, CPR wasn’t doing anything and she wasn’t responding in any way they wouldn’t use it.

I was surprised but not surprised when she told me she had died, Bff is all upset and freaked out about it and feels bad she hadn’t talk to her and things in a while or help her. She didn’t “council” her and things. I said look it is not your fault if you had been talking to her or not this would of still happen because she chose the drugs over everything else. She went to jail you took her child in gave him a home made sure he was safe and okay. She was clean and with in days of being out was back on stuff. The night she brought her out with us she was on something. Her aunt said something to me about it. I said I thought the something but I was going nice.

It is sad to say that I had been seeing the babies mom’s post on line the last few weeks and days before she passed and was thinking about what kind of life that poor baby was going to have and how he was going to grow up. I was thinking about what he was going to grow up to be like or how he was going to be. How it wasn’t his fault and how he could be so much more and had such a future and how he is only two years old and that is pretty much shot to hell and back because of the situation he was born into. The people he is being taken around and the things that may or may not happen to him the things that he was going to see and be a part of and go through at such a young age. How it would just be worse as he got older. It was sad she kept him and didn’t give him up like the other two. Then in a few days she calls and tells me she is dead.

I feel bad for her older son as well because she didn’t have custody of him hasn’t for years. Her family took him and the little girl. They kept the girl and gave the boy back. He has been passed around and ended up with her mom and she has been staying there too. But her mom don’t want him she has made it known. Here he is everyone wants the little girl and keeps her, no one in the family wants the baby boy my friend had because he is mixed but there are families that still want him. Then there is him the oldest that now such as mom was she was there and he was starting to have a relationship with him. Now she is gone where does that leave him and who is going to take care of him? My friend is talking about taking the baby and her mom and the dads mom has asked her to and told her they would let her adopt him fully. She is debating on it.

I told her the other night to just do it if they are going to give her fully adoption then I would do it but if they weren’t then I wouldn’t. It isn’t like he is going to cost her all that much more. Bills aren’t going to go up, she has to have the same house and things regardless if he is there or not. The dads family will help her with clothes and things if she needs it. Even if they don’t like I told her he will be okay just like everything else we would figure it out. He didn’t ask to be here they are all a big part of his life what is going to happen to him if she don’t get him. I don’t know what she has decided. I haven’t talk to her about it again since. We were messaging and I was at work. I had to get back in and get things done. I was going to go to breakfast with her this morning but we both had awards at the school for the kids this morning.

I can’t say I was surprised about her passing and I told Bff that it was just a matter of when with her as bad as she was and the people she had started hanging around with the last month or so. She could get things a lot easier than before that and more of it. I don’t know that I thought something would happen so soon. I figured it be a while once she really messed this kid and his life up and he was into trouble and things. Another few years. When she told me it was like she told me oh it’s going to rain in an hour or two. I didn’t feel anything either what way about it.

I am going to try to get with her tonight or in the morning and talk hang out.

 

So that is the bad that has happen the last few weeks since I have written. Few other things may of happen but nothing major that I can think of. If I do I will add it on another post. But I think that is all the bad for now.



{September 23, 2019}   Worried About My Boys

Last week bff called me and told me that she seen on R.C’s ex father in laws page that his wife died. I didn’t even know that she was sick or had been. I hadn’t really looked at their pages in a long time. I look once in a while and look at pictures and save them for my Little Bitty. She don’t know she has brothers or sisters but I want her to. I plan to tell her, but I don’t know when or how. It will probably be in the not to far future. She has made comments about her dad having other kids but hadn’t put the two together. I don’t know what will happen once we go to court once we get a date. But I am sure that things will probably come up.

I do not know how things are or have been with the boys and their mother. I don’t know if she has been doing okay or not. I know she had another baby around the time I had Little Bitty. That guy wasn’t in the picture and she was staying with her mom. I know they seem to be doing pretty good there. But I think at one point she had moved out and they may not have been talking by somethings that her mom had posted on her profile. But then someone told me that she had been staying there and helping with her mom since she been sick.

But I know that someone else passing away was when she started taking pills and ended up hooked on them. Even if she has been doing good all this time and things her being there taking care of her mom through this and then her passing I am worried this could push her over the edge. Her step dad is back over seas working like he has been the last 7 or 8 years. She passed on the 29 of August he got in town that day or night and left around the 17 of September. I don’t know if he has plans of coming home to stay at any point or not. I am guessing probably not if he didn’t all this time that his wife was here and sick and things. There isn’t really anything to come home to.

But at this point the boys really have no one to look out for them and take care of them if she don’t or gets back on something. I worry where they are going to go or what is going to happen with them. I kind of wish that I had reach out sooner and tried to let them have a relationship with them. Maybe it would have worked out and at least I would be seeing them and know if something was happening or going on. I don’t know at least give them someone to talk to come to for help if it happens.

I don’t know how the kids are doing or handling all this either because they were all so close to her. If she is in any state of mind to help them deal with it all either. I worry about that as well.

I don’t know if she is online or post much because I never see anything from her. Once in awhile he will post something but not often since he isn’t home. Most the time the things I got were from the moms page. I may watch and see when he is going to be home again and reach out to him about getting the kids together. See what he says. I honestly hadn’t up to this point because of the mother. I didn’t want to get involved with her and the way she is. I figured she would tell her not to. Just the way she was in the past.



{August 22, 2019}   Will Be Back Soon

I have been missing the last week, my mouth/face has been bothering me. I at first thought it was my tooth, but now wondering if it isn’t this place that I was supposed to have removed causing me problems again. I don’t know if you were following then or remember but back the end of 2015 start of 2016 I had some problems and was going to have surgery. You can read about it here Surgery Next Week, Why Not.

At first I thought it was an impacted tooth I have that only half came in. But the last few days I think it is this thing that is causing me problems again. It hurts down in that area and up into my jaw by my ear. I can hardly open my mouth to eat even and it hurts on my cheek below my eye but not as bad as in my jaw and under it. I have TMJ but this is a different kind of pain. It feels like the tissue hurts not the bone or anything like that.

Not a lot going on looking into a new day job and still fighting with the guy over my truck. I will catch you all up on that soon. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow or Monday. Depends how things go.



{July 31, 2019}   In To Deep

I think Sleeping Beauty is in to deep this time. He keeps messaging saying he can’t come get his stuff. He told her the other day something about not having a toothbrush and things. Then today he told her he didn’t have one still or deodorant and hadn’t eaten in a day or two. He didn’t have a ride and just got up. That was at 10 or 11 in the morning.

I said well mommy could give him $5 for the stuff he needs and the store is a mile or less from his house of they won’t take him. Why hasn’t he eaten in days? Mommy has food in the house. And would give him a ride to her house to get his stuff.

She said he isn’t staying with his mom he is staying with a friend somewhere because it is closer.

I said a friend his crack body he took your truck to the other night. And closer to what? He hasn’t been working. He has nothing else to be close to.

She said she didn’t know there or his gay friend he stays with. If he was there he been up earlier because he complains there is no where to sleep there, they always fight and up all night he don’t get to sleep when he is there. She said she didn’t know what he was trying to be closer to.

I said his next fix because he is in to deep this time. In the 2 or 3 years I have known him I have never seen him this bad at all. The things he has said to her I am blown away. On top of all the other shit he is trying to pull. I said wow he never said that kind of shit to me or pulled that or tried to. He told her he hope she died or was dead today.

She said she was trying to get the title back still. She said it don’t run. I know she took the battery out and one of them did something else to it. I said if he didn’t give me the title it wouldn’t be running at all or anything going on with it. I said if it don’t run how is he going to get it? He don’t have money for a tow or anything? She said he was going to get his bosses trailer and truck.

I said when he does that he still wouldn’t get it. I would call the police on him as soon as he came around the corner tell them he has no licenses and driving a company truck. They will take him to jail and deal with his boss or impound the truck and trailer.

Like I told her he isn’t going to do anything he threatens because he don’t want any dealings at all with the cops. He has nothing and has more to lose than the rest of us because he don’t want to go to jail. We have more on him than he could ever have on any of us. So he can talk all he wants he is all talk no action. He is to scared to get into a confrontation with anyone as well. This is why he don’t want her there when he gets his stuff.

I told her it would not be a surprise at all to hear something happen to him or he overdosed.

Most the time this all blows up he leaves with mommy they enable him bandage it up and life goes on. But he didn’t even stay at his moms more than a day or so and come back down here. Normally it’s months before he comes back around. It is sad but that is what it does to you.



{May 7, 2019}   Not Feeling Well

Here I lay at 2:48 a.m wide awake and not feeling well at all. I have this nasty taste in my mouth and feel sick to my stomach. I think it is coming from a tooth that is pretty messed up. I hate not being able to sleep but not being able to when I’m not feeling well is the worse. I am for the most part a very leave me a lone let me sleep it of kind of person. I am probably one of the easiest sick people to take care of because I require nothing but to be left alone. If I am to the point of not functioning I just want to sleep. Rearly do I want anyone to do anything for me. Take care of the kids, house and things that need done forget I’m here I will be okay. Once in a really great while I may want to cuddle and that hardly ever happens if I am not feeling good.

I have so much to do I need to be awake not falling to sleep tomorrow. I put off work so now I have to do that before I can take care of my stuff. It is going to be a long day. I better get off here and try to get some sleep. I have lots of post to catch up on soon too.



et cetera
%d bloggers like this: