{July 23, 2019}   RE:Ripped Off

I told you about buying a new truck, well new to me truck a couple weeks ago and that I am hoping that I haven’t gotten Ripped Off. But it is seaming like it more and more everyday. I sent it back on a tow truck Saturday and never heard from them to even say they got it. I messaged them finally yesterday after noon because I now want as much as I can in writing. I told him I was checking to see what they had found out about the truck. I never heard anything back until this morning from him. Saying he was out of town his mechanic told him it came in on a tow truck Saturday and he was going to go through it today and see what it needed he would let me know.

I didn’t say anything, I am going to wait and if I don’t hear from him about 3 or 4 this evening I am going to call him. If he answers I am going to see what he has to say and what all he tells me it needs.

Then I am going to say I also need some other information from you, my lawyer would like the name of your bonding company and we will need pictures of the heads and things so that we can see that they have been checked and if it needs a head job. When he starts about lawyer and things. I am going to say yes because this is almost two weeks, I have not had use of my truck or help getting it fixed and the use of my truck. All I hear is that your out of town all the time or some other excuse. It has been fixed up, doctored up or whatever you want to call it when I bought it. I am not getting it back that way. It is going to be fixed right and all everything it needs done taken care of. You gave me a warranty and with that also comes implied warrants. One being that it will be in usable condition free of major flaws. So it would be in your best interest to fix it fix it right and everything that is wrong if you do not want to hear from my lawyer. Then just go from there.

{April 3, 2019}   To Scared To Be Alone

I was talking to Bff after she got off work a little bit ago and she said she had heard from Sleeping Beauty again and he was working. I guess since he couldn’t get in or a ride home. That he is so tired and he is hungry. So she is taking him lunch. Said she called him he told her he was driving he would message her when he stopped.

I said um wait a minute he is working, he is out driving around in the company truck, so he is passing by stores and places to get something to eat. Why are you driving across town to take him lunch? He takes the truck anywhere he wants to go even the car lot where I worked knowing his boss and them don’t get a long or he isn’t supposed to be there for whatever reason when he is on the clock and in the company truck. But he can’t stop at the little store the fast food place or something and get something to eat. I call bullshit.

She said probably because he don’t have no money to get anything. I gave him money the other day. I said wait, wait a minute what are you talking about you gave him money? She said so he had money for lunch and drinks. I said why? She said I don’t know he didn’t have any. I said he gets paid Friday for one job and he gets paid Monday or Tuesday for the other. You are telling me you gave him money on Monday or Tuesday is when you gave him money. Where was his? Hum I don’t know she says. I said again why are you giving him money anyway? He isn’t paying you to be there or anything. She said because I was stupid for a minute. I said yeah I would say so.

Buy then I started thinking what is he making and how much money has he had this month that he has been there? I said he is making at least $10 at the one job when he does that and I know he makes more at the other but…. She said he makes $15 when he does the houses. I said okay so he is working full time 40 or more hours a week making at least $10 an hour. I said he is “working late” all these nights here and there. So he is making more then.

I said lets do this, lets say he is working only 35 hours a week just to make it easy and that he is only making the $10 an hour. So that would be $350 a week. That would be $1400 a month and they are not taking taxes out. So he has had $1400 since he has been at your house. He says he gave his mom $200 to get his brother out of jail. She said he spent $78 taking them all to dinner the other night. He spent $20 the day we went out. oh he spent more he bought some things at the other store too probably $50 or so I forgot about.  I said okay lets say he has spent $500 this month why he was there. That leaves him with $900 for the month he should still have in his pocket right now. I said even if he spent $100 or two more even. Keep in mind we are already undercut what he made by a lot since we didn’t account for $15 an hour when he works doing houses instead of the lot and we only figured him at 35 hours a week not 40. But just working with the numbers we are using that leaves $225 a week in his pocket. Where is that $225 right now for this week? Where is that $900 that he should have from the rest of the month? Then I hear her and she is thinking. She is like I don’t know. I said I do I think it is right up his nose. That is why you have seen such a change in him and the way he acts and doing. She said it isn’t even like I know him anymore. I said yep that is how it is. I said $225 is a lot and really he is doing more than $225 worth in a week that is worse. I said what are you going to do when he don’t get up one morning or from his nap and you go to wake him up and he don’t get up? Or worse what if one of your kids go in there and can’t get him up? Then what? She didn’t say anything trying to change the subject.

Then she tells me that her friend was on her about getting him out of there. She said you know who is all over me about having him here? She told me. Said he was telling her what are you doing why is here there what are you thinking you need to get him out of there and away from your kids. Said he told her this isn’t the her he knows and that if they were somewhere and someone was just smoking pot she had a fit and things. I said um hum thank you all the same I have been saying to you. He telling her it is going to get bad and that she needs to get him out before something happens that she don’t know what she is setting herself up for with having him there and everything he is doing and everything she is going through and dealing with. I said hello and why aren’t you listening I’m not the only one telling you.

She said she was talking to Sleeping Beauty the other day and something was said he said you’er listening to everyone else aren’t you. Then today he said something about her talking to me and ask her if I was there last night I guess when she was talking to him and things. She said no why. He said because something she said and then he got a message from me. I sent this picture to him an inside joke between us. He never replied.

She says I wonder why he don’t like us talking? Because he always made comments about us talking when he was at my house too. I said because like you said because like you said, he knows your naive and sheltered and he knows he can slide things by you and things. He knows I’m not that easy to slide things by and that if you say something or tell me something I’m going to be like but wait this or that. Like I have been.

I honestly think that she is scared to be there alone. She is the one that won’t go anywhere at night if she does she has me or someone on the phone with her the whole time driving there back and everything. She just don’t want to be alone over all. She has never been alone. She has been with her husband since she was 15. She has never been on her own and out on her own or done anything on her own. She is doing pretty good taking care of things but to be there all the time with the kids and no having anyone I think scares her. She has already been telling me how they have been with everything going on and how she don’t want to deal with it and things. Sleeping Beauty making comments and saying things to her about not dealing with things and not handling things she needs to or how she should and letting things go or not doing anything about stuff because she don’t want to deal with it. He is right there and me and her have talked about it before. She is seeing now that things she has done with them growing up has come back to  bit her in the ass now and she says you always said and now look. I said but you can still fix it but you have to put your foot down and fix it now keep letting it go or keep giving in because you can’t deal with this or that they do. If they do this or that that just mean that they now have to do something else on top of whatever they are already doing because they are keeping on.

He is helping her, like he helped when he first came to my house with the kids and things. But he has started some problems with the kids now too and they go back and forth on rather they like him or not, like a few of mine did. But he is stressing her the hell out and the not paying when he is making the money and watching her trying to work it all out and then to say he will start paying once she gets old boss out of the house and he can’t come back there anymore. I said wait where does he get off telling you when he will start paying you wen he is staying with you in your house? I said he should be helping from the start, if he had went down the street to friends house he would be paying all this time what is the difference? I said he didn’t pay the one week or so he was at my house because he wasn’t working then he started paying me when he started working until that week he left he left then without paying me. I said so what he is saying is he is going to take a free ride on you because if he paid you and you had the money he is sending you then you could be saving money and have money to do more with. I said it is non of his business if you let him come back when you tell him it is over he isn’t coming back or can’t come back or anything like that. That is between the two of you. I said it sure the hell isn’t his place to move into your house and tell you he will start paying you when he is ready and how things have to be before he starts paying you. She was like I don’t know it’s just what he said. I said and you are going along with it and letting him. That is why he is doing what he is doing and why he is acting the way he is. Because you let him and you don’t say anything. He made the comment to her that he isn’t going anywhere she told him today she thought he was going to pack his stuff and leave today when she was at work because of things that were said between them the last few days said he told her he already told her he wasn’t going anywhere.

I am with her other friend she needs to really think about what she is doing and how she goes about things. She is not thinking clear with everything going on and she is causing herself more problems than it is worth. All she has done today when I talk to her is bitch about him. I said if he is causing you this much stress why are you letting him stay? It isn’t hard tell him to leave. Why are you letting him stress you out so bad over shit he has no right to say anything about and no business getting into? Tell him this isn’t working you got to go. She says I know I know and I feel sorry for him. I said you can’t feel sorry for him. She said I want to see him do good and do better. I said yeah me too but he can’t treat people like this until he decides to and he may never decide to at this point. I said I know he wants better but he isn’t doing anything to have better.

I said he needs $7000 to get his drivers license back if he took that $900 and put toward that then he would only owe $6100 to get it back. But no where is it? No one knows he can’t tell you and won’t even talk about it if you point it out and ask. It would be a fight. She again I don’t know and all this. I said I do we all do you do too it’s up his nose. Again his not a problem is a problem when he is spending that kind of money on it and doing that much of it and he has nothing to show for it. Nothing at all to show for it. We aren’t talking $10, $50, $90 or even a couple $100 in a month to show for. We all spend money here and there and have nothing to show for it. But you don’t spend $900 or more a month and have nothing to show for it when you have no bills or anything else to account for paying either.

Something else he said really pissed me off I said WTF are you talking about I said now I am ready to come throw him out and kick your ass too. She said oh well then. I said no really because now this is really not right that is messed up and this is not right I am not the only one telling you that, others are telling you that and this isn’t like you. I said others are coming up and telling you what he is doing and just like before they are right. I said when he came to my house I wasn’t sure what to believe or who to believe because I didn’t know any of them very well, they were all at each others throat and talking shit about what the other one was doing. But then it all came to light and we figured out that they weren’t lying about everything. They were right he was doing this. When I found out and figured it out I went straight and confronted him and that is when he decided to leave.

She said he was telling her different things and just being nasty or mean. I said yeah he didn’t get that way with me until after he had left. But he knew I wasn’t going to let that kind of shit fly I would say something right there when he said something. When he got mad at me and started calling me bitch this and i said shut up and I said this and do this and don’t do that you need to stop and things. Was when I sent him all the messages after he left the way he did. I said well I had something to say and since you want to run from your problems like you do I am going to have my say. You had yours so now I am having mine. That is the only time he has ever really gotten nasty with me. It was both of us because I should of left him alone but he should of sat down and had a conversation with me not done the things he did the way he did.

I am with her friend the way he is doing and what he is on he shouldn’t be there like I been telling her. I bet her friend don’t know how much he is really doing either or I bet he would really be on her ass way more than he is now. He is like me help someone but don’t be stupid. She is being stupid right now. I am going to talk to her tonight we are all going out. I am going to tell her look we got to talk you got to stop and think about what you are doing. Try make her see this is not a good situation

{March 13, 2019}   Never Gets Better

Bff’s hubby, my old boss left about a month ago to do trucking school and go over the road doing that. He had been back a few times since then but not much. She is seeing what it is really like to be a single mom and trying to do it all on her own and stressing about money and the bills. Of course the joys of kids who’s dad isn’t in the picture and him being gone and then home over night and gone again for a week or two at a time. They are giving her a really hard time over it all.

She is trying to find a job and they are upset about that and telling her she is never home now. She is always home she don’t work she takes them to school, picks them up, there to make dinner and do everything with them right now. They don’t know what it is like to not have her there.

She was saying now she is seeing what I have been saying about how hard it is and how you can’t just do this or that or go get a job, how much harder being on your own makes everything. How to juggle kids and school and two different schools and work and being there. How the kids have been giving her such a hard time about things and how they are fighting with each other and doing things they aren’t supposed to and fighting with her and bucking things. Not doing chores or going to school.

She said something about someone saying it will get better and how she fells or felt about it. I said they lie, it don’t get better, it never gets better. The only thing it does is change, it is always changing. It is the never ending story of changing. Next week, year, day or night even it will be something different. Just when you think it is going to get better it don’t it just turned into a different problem, a different issue with a different kid or the house or the car or job or whatever else that you can think of that could become a problem and even things you never thought would be a problem will become one. You just learn to roll with the punches and figure it out.

Everyone use to say that to me too, it will get better or you have to hit bottom and then it will be better. It can’t get any worse it has to get better now. I remember telling them no it don’t, it never gets better, it is always something. Even if this “gets better” something else happens so nothing ever gets better. How hard it is when yeah you have shit happen in your life and you get through it and you don’t stress about it you just whatever. They also have someone else there with them helping and shouldering some of the issue or whatever is going on. They have someone there that cares and helps or can take care of a lot of the issues that come up so they don’t have to worry about getting someone to fix this or that and if they do then they have the extra money to do it because they have the other income. They aren’t just hanging on by a thread trying to figure out how to get by much less deal with other problems and issues on top of it.

There is a difference in surviving, trying to survive and thriving. When your always trying to survive, little things are huge when they come up. When you are taking care of everything as it is.

{August 2, 2018}   Re:Code Enforcment

I got a notice on the door from the management team. I called her back she still has not called me back. Just came and left a notice 7 days to fix or get out.

I posted yesterday for someone to come cut the yard for me. A bunch of people commented but hardly any messaged with a price or a time to look at it give me a price. The few who did wanted $90 or more. This morning a guy messaged said he could cut my yard for me. I sent him the pictures and ask how much. He said $30 so I told him okay. He said he had 2 more yards to do and would come over. He would message me on his way so I could run up and get some money. He messaged said he was on his way. I was about to leave and all of a sudden someone was in my yard mowing.

I had no idea who it was I went out to see. It wasn’t the guy I had been talking to so I wanted to know what was going on. I went out and a guy got out of a little suv on the road came up. It was the guy I had been talking to. I said I didn’t think you were that close. He said it was higher than he thought and things but he would do it for the price still. He didn’t want to go back on it. I figured it go up a little when he got here but he said no.

I ran to the store and come back they ran out to fix a tire and came back. They were out there a while. It still wasn’t done. I didn’t have it but I took him $20 more out because it was a lot more work than I expected it to be with their mower. We started talking he said your a single mom now? (He told me the first time I went out he had cut my yard a few times years ago. He cut the yard across the street cut it sometimes if I had money when they were there.) I told him i was paying someone but I couldn’t anymore I lost jobs and had to put money into the truck and things. That I was looking for another. That we tried to do it but broke the mower it was to thick.

He said look don’t let it get like this again. He said if you don’t have it and it needs cut he said call me. I will message you my number let me know, it needs done and I will make sure it gets done. He said there is no need for you to have to worry about it and stress over it. No reason for a single mom already stressing to struggle more over a yard. He said I have a lady who just keeping bills paid and some food on the table. He said I go cut it and don’t charge her. He said If I can help you in anyway call me I try to if I can.

We talked some more walked up in the yard to see about moving some stuff. He said when was the last time you went on a date? Real date nice night out just relaxing? I laughed and said it has been a while. He said why don’t you let me take you to Red Lobster you can relaxe and have a nice time. I smiled told him i would have to think about it. We did what we were doing, I had to go in I had food on the stove. I took it off went back out.

He was talking about letting him know and coming back to cut it. He ask when I was off again? I told him Monday. He said you have 4 kids? Take them out go to dinner my treat Red Lobster where ever you all want to go. I told him thank you. He said I mean I am going to get a hold of you in a day or two. We talked some more and his friend finished the yard. He said i see you in two weeks. He said maybe sooner I’m going to be talking to you and send you my number so you have it.

All the time we were talking and things he kept saying you need a vacation, you need a night out to relaxe. He a nice guy but he is just a kid. If he is even in his 30s I be shocked. I don’t know why he was talking to me. I was a mess, hair not brushed tossed on shirt and pants. Felt like a bum. Oh lord he just message me something about i need to go out. Im not opening it and reading it right now. I don’t want people see i am online .Others trying to talk to me i dont want to talk to. People i know and dont want to talk.

I forgot right before he left we were sitting on the porch talking. He said he could tell i was stressed and things. I said you see the light at the end of the tunnel only to wake up the next day to find it has been turned out something else has come up that needs taken care of. He said it might be out but there is another one. I’ll be that light for you. If you let me. There is hope things will get better or something like that. I didn’t know what to say or what to make of it. He said I see you later.

{January 2, 2013}   Hopeful News Today

When I finally got into see my doctor for the baby the other month they always have new people fill out a healthy start form and turn into them. I had to tell them I didn’t have an address because I don’t I am staying with family and friends. Just wear-ever we can stay for a few days or week. I put the same thing on the paper for them they had me fill out.

Well I hadn’t heard anything back from them until today. They called and I had no clue who it was so I didn’t answer then they left a message and it was them so I called back. She said they got my information from the doctor and they knew a little bit about what was going on that she would like to come out and talk to me on Monday. I set up a time and things to talk to her. I told her that I had been staying with ex and that then what happen with the house. I told her that me and ex were trying to find a place together just to get the kids into a home somewhere and get things settled down for them but that I would really rather get a place on my own for me and the kids. I asked her about housing and things. She said they had information about that she would bring that too.

I am not sure housing is an option depending on where they have open. My friend got help from them and it isn’t good area’s they put you in at all. Her place got shot up on night with her and her kids inside. They came by and shot all the windows out. They think they were after the apartment next to her over drugs and things but it is one of theirs also. I know one or two places they have that aren’t bad but it just depends if they have anything open and if they will let us into those ones.

But I am 50 miles or so from the kids schools and they start back Tuesday. I have to do the finale walk threw on the other house on the 11th and have it cleaned up and the dogs out. I don’t know how long it will take her to help us get into somewhere and I don’t know if she does if we will be able to have the dogs. That is something we will have to worry about and cross when we get there. I have already had a melt down tonight when I talk to the kids about getting rid of the dogs.

Sometimes I think having things so stable and consistent for them all their life has done more harm than good. They are use to living in the same place the last 5 years. Probably the only place any of them can remember living. They were so little when we moved in. It is the only place my baby boy has lived other than over the summer for a few months and now. I feel so bad he keeps telling me mommy I want go home. I want hank or little dog. I had a melt down from the bigger two tonight talking about getting rid of even just the big dog. Most people don’t want her because of breed or weight.

I haven’t told ex that the lady is coming to talk to me yet I figure I just need to wait until I talk to her see what she has to offer how long it will take and what seems to be the best option after that. She said their goal is to get it so that me and the kids can be on our own. But being so far along and so close to my due date it may take a little while longer too because it will take longer to go back to work and things. The only other thing that may help to is the fact that my son gets SSI. That may get us help that we wouldn’t normally get or maybe faster than it normally would. I have never had to do all this before or deal with places like this before. But at this point I need some help to get back on my feet and get my kids a home. I have tried every thing I can think of and even trying to get a place with ex isn’t working because the rents are going up and up here because of tax time and things. It is about to the point we can’t afford anything together even.

I don’t feel bad for not telling him I have made it very clear to him that I don’t want to get back together and things from the start of all this. He keeps telling me how he loves me and he wants us to get back together and he hasn’t been talking to anyone else or looking at any of these sites anymore in the last few months. Then the other night I see on his email when he left it open that he is still talking to a bunch of different girls off these sites and things. Still lien to me I really don’t care but don’t lie to me. I don’t lie to him if I am talking to someone or going to meet someone. I haven’t been but if I do or decide to I tell him. He still treats me and the kids like dirt and talks to the kids like dirt. He just gets on my nerves being around him. I haven’t said anything to him because we been at other peoples houses and things and he tries to hide it or keep it low key. I haven’t said anything I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything to keep the peace because we aren’t in our own place. Me and my friend were talking about it the other night. She said yeah I know I could tell and see what you mean. I can’t stand the idea of locking myself into a place with him for a year.

et cetera
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