I have only told my Bff about this and wasn’t going to say anything until I figured it out but sitting here at work with nothing to do I decided to let you all in on it. Let you all weigh in if you would like and see who was right.

About 4 or 5 days ago I posted on craigslist my resume. I did not put my name or address on it just to text or email me. Well you can imagine the responses I had. Do not even remember what the first two were now. I decided they were scams right away blocked and reported them.

Then I had one that seemed pretty good at first it was to work with a art and media critic. Then they tell me it pays just under $30 an hour. I start to figure out this is not legit either but go with it to see where it goes. I don’t have to give to much info so. With in minutes it come to age and that most of the work is looking at XXX rated things and watching. Would I have a problem with that? Maybe legit but unlikely. I blocked and moved on.

It was quiet for a few days then I was sitting at work Friday and get a message asking if I would like to make $150. I ask doing what and when. Well they wanted me to meet them North of me up where where I lived with RC. They wanted me to go to a movie with them. They pay me $150 plus for the movie and all. I told them I did not get off until 2 I was working. Then they wanted to know if I wanted to go then so they could buy tickets and things. I told them we could talk when I got off at 2 call me then.

I talked to bff she said whatch it be an undercover sting where they try to catch prostitutes. I said I am not doing anything illegal, I am meeting in a public place, staying in public place will not go to a home or office nothing like that and will not be getting in a vehicle with them. So if that is what it is they better tell me upfront or come off my $150 if we do this. She laughed. She like oh lord girl don’t go get arrested. I said I’m not. I never heard from them at 2 and had other things to do and wasn’t dressed to go really so I left it alone.

Well Friday I took my resume down and decided to put up an add for office help/errands runner and made a nice add and placed. I put that I could fill in for people who were absent for the day or with holidays coming up everyone wanting time off. I could be on call to pop in a day or more during the week or to do shopping or other errands. Surprisingly I have only had one response. We have been texting back and forth since the weekend.

So here is where the round of legit or a liget scam comes in. You can leave your thoughts in the comments and I will update once it all plays out.

The person responded on Saturday and ask if I would be interested in position as cleaner/sitter/caregiver and run errands at times. I told him I would consider and asked more about it. He told me his name that he is married with two kids. That his family would be coming here from out of state for 6 months and he was looking for help with his family. He went on to say that his wife has been in a wheelchair for just over a year now. It would be helping her, the kids and with the house and errands that needed done. He told me this big thing he is involved in and why they were coming and all that. I looked up a few things he talked about with his job they are legit.

We have been responding back and forth he is getting all the last minute details worked out. He says he is going to be staying in my area but I think that he is talking about over by where my job is now. Most people not from here think the two are the same because the names are so close. He said appartment but then said the agent would mail me keys so I can go clean and stock with food so it will be ready when they get in next week. There are a lot of condo’s over here by work.

Today he asked for an address to mail the keys to and my name and things to make payment. He said he released for his assistant to pay me for the week so I can get everything ready for them to come. That he should of for more weeks but he take care of it once they got here made sure it was a good fit.

He said something about making sure I was working for his family. I guess so I didn’t take another job or something. We had not talked about pay, days, hours or anything other than just he prefers afternoons. I figured that was because that would be when the kids get out of school and his wife is going to need help with them.

I told Bff I was going to tell him at least $500 a week maybe a little more. 1. I know he is making the money. 2. work I am sure is paying for at least some of the living expenses sonce they are out of state. 2. He is wanting a sitter, maid, and someone to help his wife as well and to run errands. I figure doctors, kids to school and pick up and things. So wear tear on my car and my gas. I did not say all this to him just Bff.

Today when we were talking and he said he told his PA it was okay to pay me and things. I said we have not talked about how many days, hours, what days or hours you are looking for or the rate of pay you are looking at paying.

He said he was looking for someone 5 hours a day and he was willing to pay $400 a week plus $50 a week for gas. He still did not say how many days or anything. So I asked him was that 7 days he was looking for someone? He said no just 5 days and he would like someone in the afternoons or whatever would work for me that we could work out.

I told him I would do it 25 hours a week 5 days a week for the $400 and $50 for gas no problem. As long as he don’t have me running 30 miles a day or something in my truck that should be fine. That works out to like $14 an hour or around $18 if you figure it at $450. I can’t complain making that part time. If I need to be at school for the kids or something like that I can change my hours around for that day because he seem to be flexible there to a point.

I gave him my name and an address to send things to. I told him since the keys were local it would probably be easier for me to just meet the agent and pick them up and everyrhing. I have not heard back about that. He said the painters and electrician was holding things up. Bff is going to go with me to meet the agent, to check the condo out the first time and depending on how that goes maybe to meet him and his family for the first time.

I told Bff if they say anything I am just going to say look you found me on craigslist. I needed a job was running out of options so put it out there. But with the way things are these days and all that you hear about happening on craigslist or people meeting to buy things or checking on jobs I had to protect myself until I knew for sure it wasn’t a scam or something. If he really a family guy here on buisness with his family on the up and up he should be understanding and it not a big deal.

I am not getting my hopes up I am just going threw the motions and seeing how it all plays out in the end and assuming it is a scam. If it plays out to be legit then great. I know some people do travel and things for work and need people like this. Some will hire someone to travel with them some look for someone local. There are other places to look but some want to try to save money and look places like craigslist figuring they will get someone cheaper. So unless I go with it and see where it goes I won’t know. I have nothing to lose if it plays out to a scam but a little time. But everything to gain if it plays out to not be a scam. I will have a decent paying job with decent hours and days for the next 6 months.

Right now I can’t even make $400 a week working a full 40 hours and I am working nights, weekends and everything else. Then you have the ones like the car lot scam and I found that from someone I knew. $350 for 54 hours 6 days. I get this I am going tell Bff’s husband you want to talk about making good money good money is $400 for 25 hours a week 5 days a week and $50 a week for gas. That is good money. Not $6 something an hour for 6 days and 3x the hours.

6 months will put me right about the time my lease will be up and I am hoping to finally move this time. If not then maybe I can open a buisness.

{September 4, 2017}   Sorry But Hopefully Back this Time

Can’t believe it has been a month since I posted last. I was going to start posting more when I made that last post and look. I want to say so much crap has been going on but it hasn’t and hasn’t. I have been trying to keep myself out of the house as much as I can the last month or so. When I am home it’s stuff with the kids, dinner, baths, cleaning up, bed. I have been going to bed kind of. I lay here in the dark and wish I could sleep most the time but no motivation to do anything.

I guess in this post I will tell you that I quit my job at McDonald’s about three weeks ago maybe. Well lets see School started back the 16 for the older three I didn’t go back two days before school started back. I went Monday and was going to go back Tuesday but then I just didn’t. I got in the truck was thinking about the fact they put coming in at 8 am or before knowing I had to get my kids to school, and then had me getting off well past time for them to get out. The only thing I would have been able to do is call and go in late then leave early. I knew that wasn’t going to go over well. I then checked my messages and had one where my Little Guy was supposed to be at the dintest the next morning and then one of the others the doctor that after noon. Really all of them needed to go so I figured that was great I take them all at once. I knew at that point I wouldn’t be going in the next day. Then the following day school would be starting. I just didn’t go in on Tuesday or call and when Wednesday rolled around I didn’t either. I took my kids to the doctor and things and then the next day to school and sat with them until I had to get to another appointment I had that day. With this being a new school first year first day of class I wanted to sit in and find out what changes were mad and what to expect. Thursday came around and my son said something about me not working and what about this that and the other. I said don’t worry about it I will work it all out and make sure everything is taken care of. Don’t I always? He said yes but I picked the phone up called a place I had put an application in and said that I had turned one in and I wanted to know who I needed to talk to about an interview. She told me they had them that day form x time to x time show up, so I did. I told him not to worry it be okay I was going for another job. It was about like the last one I had if you show up and seem to know anything they would hire you. I knew they were looking for 100 people and it paid around $1.50 more an hour. I went there and there was something wrong with my application. They told me to come home fix it and get a hold of the lady there was no problem they just had to get it fixed so they could look at it. I told them about school and my job thing for school and taking the kids and they had no problem with that. I told her what kind of days and hours I was looking for and she thought that was great. So I left to fix my application to go back in the next day.

Well the next morning I got a call from my old employer from a few years ago asking if I would like to come back to work and it would be almost $6 or more an hour than where I just left. I told them yes but that I had not changed my name on my state licenses since I was divorced last year and that my ce classes were due by the end of December and that I didn’t have the money to pay for them and was just going to let it go. They said that was fine to come in and they would take care of getting my ed classes done and paid for for me. I went in filled out the paper and was called once to twice every day after that. I went and done my drug test last Friday and sent the email to change my name. I am now just hoping that I hear from them again soon about the rest of my paper work. But none the less I start the 11th at 8 am. It is only full time 40 hours a week but I have arranged with one of the other moms from the older three kids school to have her pick them up and bring them home. I am not sure what days or hours I will be working or to ask for yet. I am still trying to work that out around everything else. But I am sure I will figure something out. It was worth it to me to pay her to bring them back and forth and take this job than it was for me to pay someone to take them back and forth at the other that was paying half the money.

This is only seasonal for now but I hope that I can get on at another position there when this is over. If not I am not to worried about it. I will have some money saved I hope, get money from school again and be able to file taxes so I should be okay for a little bit. Plus the other job I talked to that wanted me to fix my application and come back in I should be able to still go there when I am done with this one because I left everything on good terms with them.


{March 28, 2017}   Perfect Stranger

I am siting here on my bed messing around on my laptop and messaging a friend when a message pops up asking me to do something between 830 am and 1130 am. They said sorry they knew it was late but was I available, it was about 11 pm at the time. I didn’t click into it show it wouldn’t show I had seen it or read it and did not reply for a little bit. I thought it was the lady at school who’s out daughter. I am supposed to go in tomorrow after noon to do crafts be there all day Thursday and Friday. I finally messaged her back and said I don’t even have my little ones to school by 830 and I have something to do for school, I am supposed to be there tomorrow afternoon I can come around 1230. I have to rewrite a paper for school and get it turned in. I should have had it done long ago but this teacher is lax but was asking everyone about it today. I told him I send it to him today but didn’t get to it. He said just get it in soon.

I never heard back from her and I thought it was odd they wanted me there at 930 when most days they are not there before 855. I went back to the message and noticed that there was stuff above what I had written tonight. I knew I had never talked to her daughter on there before. I pulled down to see what else was there thinking I missed part of the earlier message. I hadn’t, when I went up and read what was there I figured out it wasn’t who I thought it was. It was some lady I didn’t even know.

I guess about two weeks ago I messaged a lady on a site who was looking for a sitter for her two kids. I don’t normally do that I don’t like watching kids I don’t know but she seem to be in a jam and needing someone all the time. I figured maybe that would help me too. I looked at her page and things and she seemed okay. I didn’t look her up I figured I would if I thought I was going to be watching the kids. I messaged her asking what days times and things like that. I told her I went to school two mornings a week so that might be a problem. I didn’t hear back from her at all.

Now here we are a few weeks maybe even a month later thinking about it and she out of the blue wants to know if she can drop her child off at my house at 830 am. Again I have never met her, she has never met me, nor have me and the children met or have they had time to meet me and get to know me some. We don’t even have any of the same friends nothing at all other than a two second message I may be interested in watching your kids what times, ages, days things like that with no answer back. But now I can just get them tomorrow and start watching them. I could not believe that she would even do that not knowing me.

I just messaged her back and said I’m sorry I did not know who this way I just glanced at it and thought you were someone else, I can not I have to be at the school with my kids and do something for school for myself tomorrow. I need more notice than that. But, like I told my friend I will not be watching them if she wanted me to later even all the time at this point. Knowing that she doesn’t check people out and will just pick random people out of the blue who asked about watching her kid to just dump them with never meeting them or anything. What could or has happen to that kid already that no one know about then when I comes out who are they going to be looking at me because I am the one watching them now.

There is not way in hell I would randomly pick some stranger off facebook and let them watch my kids without checking them out, meeting them, getting to know them a little, let the kids all get to now each other and all that. Job or no Job I would take my kids to work with me before I left them with some stranger like that or just not go. There is no job worth leaving your kids with someone you don’t know at all. I feel bad for the kids I just hope that the ones who do take them are good to them and nothing happens to them because of the way she is doing things.

{November 26, 2016}   Bonfire Kind of Night

I am going to see my friend I haven’t seen him in a long time. We text a lot but since I have no sitter and can’t get away or the kids don’t go to their dads we haven’t seen each other in a while. We aren’t together we have talked about it but that is about it. But since we have been more than friends I don’t bring him around. I keep all that away from the kids. As I said before I don’t want them to meet anyone until later, once I have been with someone for a while.

I am not sure how I feel about tonight, I want to get out of the house and I enjoy his company and just hanging out and talking or watching movies. It’s not to cool but not to hot to have a bonfire so that will be nice. It will maybe give us a chance to really talk about things once and for all. Most the time it comes up when I am leaving or why we are texting. I think I will bring it up tonight.

But it will be nice we are going to have a fire and some drinks. He ask me to come over last night but father of the year never showed or turned his phone on. My friend said if I couldn’t get him today she would come and watch them. I told him that my one friend had surgery and the other was busy last night but she would come today. He said that would be good. I am going to get the kids feed and settled down some and then go.

I forgot I was supposed to go with my sister and take the kids to the parade but mine are sick and not listening so they are not going anyway. She don’t want hers to catch what they have. I hope they behave and listen for the sitter while she is here and I don’t have to come home. They just have colds so not like supper sick. But they have been at each other for a while with every one being home from school for almost a week they are antsy.

{January 17, 2016}   Already Started

Father of the year has decided to start already, he hasn’t said anything about it all day and talked to me a few different time and could have called at anytime but hasn’t. He just calls and wants to know what I’m doing and then says your going to work tomorrow? Like he is shocked or something. I said yeah I have to I can’t keep not going. He says well I got to go I can’t lose this job I won’t be able to pay rent or any of my bills and things. I said oh so I’m supposed to lose mine and not be able to pay any of mine? Your not going to help me you haven’t given me a dime to pay anything here since you left. But I’m supposed to worry about if you have a place or can pay your bills and no one worries about me or mine. Thats what you want I lose mine then me and the kids have to come there and we can all then go get a big house together like you all want. Not going to happen. My mom again last night telling me just go take your rent money and get your teeth pulled and tell them your going to be late. Knowing good and well they are not going to sign me a new lease if I am late. If they tell you to move you can just come over there and we can get a house it’s the only way your ever going to have anything blah blah. I’m not doing it she just can’t pay it if he can’t and she don’t want to have to come here. Well sorry about her luck but I am not going over there.

She has her house tore about for weeks now because of some bullshit about being in this apartment where some guy died and they didn’t find him for days. She has thrown the carpet away out of her living room shoes and who knows what else because they touched it after they were in there. She has father of the year over there now rented a machian to clean the carpets that she can’t throw away and to wash all the seats in her truck and detail it because they rode in it after being in there. I went and picked up my spare key and she is telling me wash your hands really good wash them three or four times he has been cleaning this stuff and touched that money we had that night and now touching your keys. She is so ocd and obsessed over this kind of thing. She is so obsessed about germs no one can live with her. She had my grandma all upset over there tonight he said because she is going on and on about this and getting rid of everything and cleaning everything over and over. Now because the kids are sick they haven’t had antibiotics for days she won’t watch them tomorrow and I have no one else. If I had anyone else I would have already gotten them to watch them but I just don’t.

Father of the year knew all the kids had meds but the one and that he needed to go somewhere and get some. I could not take him or do anything he knew that too. He spent the weekend screwing around with the computer and running around for them and doing stuff. Not my fault he didn’t take him to get something. I forgot he wasn’t complaining about not feeling good but I wasn’t around him much either because I have been so sick I have been in my bed all day every day but an hour or two a day most days. Today is the first day I have felt good enough to be up and do anything and not had to take something for the pain that knocks me out cold for hours. But I am like the doctor I don’t know that meds are going to get rid of this as mine don’t seem to be getting better all that much with all the strong meds I am on. He has known my goal all this time was to get over this as fast as I could and get back to work. I wanted to work Friday and Saturday but was just so sick I couldn’t. Then today I had to take care of the kids for him to run around and do for them and he wasn’t here to be with the kids so I could go. I really wasn’t feeling good enough to go this morning anyway. I started feeling better this after noon. It was after 4 before I even started to think about going out or going anywhere.

I don’t know why he applied at this company any way because he never would before in all the years he has wanted a new job or needed a new job and as bad as he wanted to get back into doing this. He has always said they hire people work them a few weeks maybe a month or two and fire them or lay them off. So then I stay home another day most likely lose my job and them him only have one for a week or two maybe few months and I have no way to pay my bills or rent. He will not help me and isn’t going to have the money to help me like he says all the time.

I borrowed money from him to pay the light bill last week because I ran out of money because I had to pay back money I had to borrow because he didn’t give me money he was supposed to give me last month. Then he was saying something about paying him back. I figured he got a check from his last job will be getting a check from unemployment and this other job all with in the next few weeks since he will get paid weekly from this new job and unemployment owes him a couple weeks from him not working before he found this one. I figured the least he could do was pay it and not worry about it. Nope he ask me today when are you giving me that money back for the light bill? I said I will get it but I need the money for your part of the car insurance so it can be paid it is going to be late in a day or two if we don’t pay it. He starts he don’t have money he had to pay this that and the other and needed money for all this stuff. I said then I guess I will take that and pay it. He got all mad. I said why should I pay your part and mine your going to have all these checks in the next few weeks and you have over $300 right now? I missed three and half days of work and going to be short and your truck is on the insurance and you have been here with the kids all day every day since you stopped working adding more to my bill that normally wouldn’t be on there because they would be over there. You don’t pay anything else and you could at lest do that. He just started mumbling and going on like he dose. I just said well I have to pay car insurance and I can’t pay it all so I guess if you don’t have it to give me I have to pay it out of that because I don’t have it either and went on.

I can just hear them all over there now going on and on about how horrible I am I’m going to go to work and make him miss this job, and didn’t take the kids to the doctor. HE keeps saying well I have to go back to work I can’t just not work. But all that is about is he don’t want to watch the kids he can’t handle it. Before he didn’t care he didn’t work for two years. He dose nothing when he has them at all the house is trashed and everything else when I get home it don’t matter how late I work if it is 8 at night they haven’t had dinner he has no idea what to even give them. Plus he thinks like I said I will lose mine and then I will have to let him come back or go over there with all of them because they will all need somewhere to go and my mom won’t want to come here so I will go over there and then we can all go get this house. It is not going to happen. I don’t know what his plan is now he said he had to go make some calls. I said who are you going to call? Then he started I don’t know I don’t have anyone to call I don’t know what to do I can’t lose my job, I have to call you back. He is sitting there stuck in their ass listening to them. He has no one to call but his mommy and his mommy isn’t watching my kids or coming to my house to watch my kids. My house is a mess because I have been sick and he let them trash it and hasn’t done anything, and his mommy didn’t do a very good job of watching them the one time I let her watch my older two when they were little and left someone else to do it why she went to work why they told me she was off and would be the one doing. Plus she lives almost 40 miles away and I am not driving down there to her and I am sure she isn’t going to drive up here to him to do it and he has no where to have her do it. I don’t trust her to watch my kids and keep them from getting out and wondering off if she came here to watch them. She dose not watch them very well at all when we are there and she takes them outside even I had to go with them she let them wonder off. He knows this and has said the same thing but would turn around and ask her anyway.

I don’t think I am wrong at all when I am the only one working and providing for me and the kids and keeping a roof over our heads. I figure I will not get the job I wanted or the promotion if I go tomorrow but I figure I should still have my job. I don’t even know that for sure and 100% but figure if I at least show up tomorrow and don’t take anymore time off I will probably have a job still. I tried to call and talk to my boss a couple days but she hasn’t called me back so who knows what is going on. They were supposed to let us know by this Wednesday or Thursday what we got moved to and if we had a job if they didn’t let them know last week. I can’t even find out if they have done that yet or not. I know my boss said before I had an offer to stay on but that was before I missed all these days and I have missed all these days since our manager had this meeting and stressed to everyone being there the days your supposed to be there and being on time were a huge factor in if you kept your job and got the jobs you wanted when they came up. If they haven’t picked and haven’t gotten rid of people already and they see I missed all this time right after we just had this talk I will probably be one of the ten percent who go. I don’t even know if I am on the same job when I go in tomorrow or if I am supposed to be training on another one. I don’t know if they did shift bids and if they did what I got or if we have new jobs now if I got the hours and days I put on my paper I would like to have or what is going on at all. I am walking blind pretty much. I could be on the same job with same days and hours or I could be one of the one that no longer has a job. But I think I need to go in and find out what is going on and if I still have one. I know a few people they got rid of because they missed two or three days in a row and if they had just come back a day earlier than they did they would still have a job but because they missed another day or so they let them go. It isn’t a great job but it is a easy job and it is set hours, days, pay, it isn’t nights, weekends or major holidays and for the most part this new manager seems to be trying to be fair and weed everyone out and have a decent place to work. And it is not only over $8 an hour it is also full time unlike most ever other job I find to apply for. Plus if I make it and get a new job with them after 30 days I can have medical, vacation pay, sick pay and holiday pay.

{January 17, 2016}   Maybe Fired

I haven’t been to work since Wednesday and then I worked half a day and went home. I was to sick to keep sitting there and hurting. I have been sick for a while, I wrote Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree was just a week before and I had been sick a while then. I thought it was the tree but got worse. Well the swelling in my face and neck went down for a few days so I thought I was better. Well then Tuesday night it was back and Wednesday it was worse and hurting. It wasn’t hurting in my mouth it was all up the right side of my head. I still wasn’t really coughing up anything and if I did it was clear and like water. I couldn’t get in anywhere to see anyone Wednesday or Thursday so I ended up going back to the er and this time I took my big boy with me because he was coughing and snotty too. His insurance is as messed up as mine so he can’t go to his doctor. Mine was so much worse than the other day with the swelling and pain all in the side of my face, under my neck and in my ear.

I told them when we got in there I had been there last week and was worse now that both the little kids were on meds and getting better but that I never got any and now was worse than before. I also told them I needed to get him seen and something because he was getting it and that I was messing work with all this and he caught it from me or one of the little ones who got it from me. They looked at me gave me penicillin and hydrocodones. Then gave him nothing and said oh its a virus.

I am still home hoping to be able to go back to work tomorrow. I have been on the penicillin every 6 hours and the hydrocodones every 6 hours since I got them Wednesday evening. Now last night and today I am getting stuff out of there more than I have been and it is nasty colored, I keep smelling something funny everyone else says they smell nothing and I have this nasty taste in my mouth. If the meds were working seems that I shouldn’t have color to it now three days into being on them. I am also still swelled up under my neck and some threw my face. I am not sure what to do at this point. Today is the first day I haven’t had to take the hydrocodones every 6 hours. Up until today if I didn’t take them all the time like it said I would be in so much pain I was in tears and about to come unglued from the pain and every little thing bothered me from just someone walking through the house.

I just got home from taking my big boy to urgent care because he has been saying for the last few hours his face is hurting in his jaw, cheek and around his eyes and forehead. I took him in and the doctor acted like I was stupid or wasting his time. Said well yeah I think it is just a virus as well but if you want meds I can give them to you and gave him meds. I told him we were all on them he said are they getting better I told him yes since they been on the meds, that I had only been on them a few days that I felt better as far as pain and things even thought i was still swelled up. He just said well it should have went down if the meds were working. I told him how I was coughing up all this nasty stuff and things he just acted like he didn’t want to be in there and walked out. I don’t know what this is but I just want to be over it and I didn’t want him to get this bad with it because I don’t want him to have to take a bunch of stuff for pain like I have had to take.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and hope I don’t get fired. I know now I probably won’t get my promotion or the job I wanted to be on since I have missed so much time now. I hope I still have a job of any kind when I get back really. I don’t know what I will do if I lose this but there was no way I could go in the pain I was in and as bad as this was swollen. I showed them before I left and I have called the leave line each day so I hope that they keep me on for something.

Father of the year got a job and is supposed to start tomorrow and I don’t know what we are going to do for a sitter. At this point I told him he is going to have to figure it out if the sitter can’t watch them tomorrow or until they are over this. I can’t lose my job and not have any money coming in. I don’t think I will get any tax money this year and I put my classes off until summer so I won’t get any money from school either. He does not give me a dime for anything or help get the kids any clothes shoes or nothing so him having a job, keeping a job or whatever to do with his job is the last of my worries at this point. He has to be there before me so I am sure he will probably try to leave before I get there with the kids so I will probably have to get up and take them early even though he was supposed to come here to watch them because his place is a mess and he can’t really have them there. I am not worried about him leaving before I get there because he is never up and leaving on time anyway. If I get there about the time he should be walking out the door to leave he will probably be just getting up. He says well no one cares if he has a job blah blah, when he hasn’t cared all this time if I had one or not.

I am tired I still feel like crap and swollen all under my neck. I really don’t feel like going and going out in the cold but I have to in hopes of saving my job and not getting fired. If I get fired at this point I am sunk. I should be ok but because of the divorce I running into more road blocks everything I try to do to get ahead and help me and the kids. Just like filing taxes and getting health insurance to get things I need taken care of. He just acts as if it is no big deal and he don’t care. Well he isn’t acting I know it is no big deal to him and he don’t care. It just makes me so mad, then I am supposed to care if he has a job or keeps it. I had everything worked out so that I would be caught up and have a little money ahead but now I missed so much work I will be lucky to get a little paid on each of the bills much less caught up and ahead. I feel like we are being so attacked right now and have no idea what way to turn.

{July 3, 2015}   An Interview

I had a job interview Tuesday for the job I talked to the guy about when I had to do all that with my truck. I interviewed with the guy I talk to then and the manager. They said that they were going to talk it over with their boss and he would call me for a second interview if he was interested. I haven’t heard back from them yet. Think I am going to call back today just to follow up.

I would really like the job the hours are 7:45am to 2 pm or 1 pm to 7/7:30pm they are closed most major holidays and you only work one Sunday a month. He said that most my days would be the evening shift and it would be part time. I would rather have all evening shifts it would be better for me. I could work with the kids and do what I needed to do with them in the day time before work they could work on finishing their work why I was at work. I wouldn’t need a sitter as long because when father of the year got off he could come over and sit with the kids until I get off. Plus if I work the weekend he would be off in time to watch them I wouldn’t needed need a sitter then as well.

My mom went and checked on a job and is probably getting it so she isn’t going to be watching the kids but not very surprised by that. I talk to a friend about watching them and she said she would do it she is looking for work right now too. This would let her work pretty set hours, she would be able to go to school and still go home with her husband at night and be with him. She wouldn’t have to worry about working or going to school in the evening. They would get off at the same time he would pick her up on the way home.

I just hope that I get it or something soon before she finds something else because if she dose I don’t know what I will do then. I hate the idea of getting someone I don’t know to come in and watch my kids even with my older two being as old as they are. I wish I could just find a few kids to watch in my home and not have to worry about it. I guess we shall see what happens.

{May 15, 2015}   No Test Yet

Again I try to write and see nothing on the screen I don’t know why it dose this when I try to do a post. The only way to get it to show up is to change it to a different color. I tried to close the post and open a new one a few times and it still dose the same thing. 

Anyway I didn’t go take my test yesterday my babysitter didn’t show up. She was busy at the school taking care of things. I had no one else to ask. This is how it is if I go to work, school the doctors or anything. I never know until time to go if I really have someone to watch the kids or not. 

Now I am set to take it Monday I’m supposed to be able to take it then and sign up for classes. I don’t know because with my phone being off I haven’t been able to call and talk to anyone since I missed it yesterday. I am hoping the kids aren’t going with father of the year until tomorrow that they will stay there Sunday night instead of coming home. Then I can just get up and go not have to worry about getting them up and dropping them off. If they don’t stay there I’m back at not knowing until right before if I have a sitter or not. It’s just a huge mess. Then everyone says well why don’t you do this or that. It’s hard when you really don’t have any help. People don’t believe me when I say I have no help it’s just me and them pretty much. 

I have decided as much as I really don’t want to do it and get back into the loan game again I am going to take out a loan to help pay my rent up. If I don’t I am going to be in a bigger mess. This will give me time to do my classes get things with father of the year and RC taken care of and hopefully find a job I can work from home at. If not one I can work from home then one that I can work around school and things. I won’t have to worry about missing if I have all my stuff with them two straight I will only have to take my test. Hopefully I can do them on my days off. 

I just have to decide if I want to go do it myself or go to the child support enforcement office. I think I can get it done faster if I go to the court myself so it maybe a option for father of the year. But with RC if am not able to find him then I may need to go with them and see if they can find where he is through his other son. And I know he is probably going to ask for a dna test, they will do it. I’m not to worried about the dna test I think he has to pay for it if he really wants it so even if I go through the court I shouldn’t have to cover it. I can’t pay for a dna test right now. It is going to be all I can do to pay for court cost if I have to pay them for the two cases.

need to do some research again and see if I can find any information out about RC. I can’t believe with all the stuff on line and everything else I can’t find where he is without paying for a report to tell me or getting a PI to find him. But 12 years ago I sat down found a address and phone number for someone I didn’t know and all her families names, but I can’t find him as much as I know about him and the ones he is with and everything. so crazy. 

{June 10, 2014}   What A Sunday

Yesterday we were having a relaxing day just being lazy around the house. I had stayed up late going through the living room pulling stuff out and moving stuff around. I got a stand for my frog tank and had to make a place for it and wanted to go ahead and move it around so that when I get my fish tank I have a place ready for it just have to bring it in and set it up.

I said I guessed I was going to try to find two kids to watch here at the house. If I did that I should be able to move. He said something about he thought he was the one moving out. I said then you can move either way. But that one of us had to stay in the house at least til the lease was up. That I was looking at putting the kids in school closer to Titusville so I would probably move back up that way.

He started about not being able to afford to get a place and where he was going to go and that I was just kicking him out or moving off and leaving him. That he was doing all he could to maintain here and things. Well he hasn’t done anything to try to get a job making more money. He could move up at work and make 3 x what he makes now but won’t do what he needs to do to do that. They have told him that if he gets his shit together they would move him up. He keeps doing the same old same. It isn’t my fault he thinks he can still do everything on father of the year time and not on normal time like everyone else.

I am not just kicking him out or moving off and leaving him. He has known this since I came back that I was going to get a job and get a place that we are not back together or going to be back together. He is just happy living like this. I said that to him then he was just happy to live like this from now on that I wasn’t going to do what needed to be done to maintain here. That I was going to do what needed to be done to get me and the kids a place and have a life and live. That we didn’t want to just maintain from now on. He started freaking out yelling and screaming at me that I was heartless and didn’t care and that I was selfish and didn’t care about anyone but myself and that I didn’t care about anyone not even the kids. I was so mad. He is jumping around stomping around here in the house yelling this and doing this in front of the kids and where they can hear it. Because I don’t want to take care of him or worry about where he is going to be and live the rest of his life because he can’t take care of himself. I told him no I did care about them that is why I wanted to get a place and do better for them and me. That he knew I wanted to get a job for the last two years and he has yet to offer any options or ideas for daycare or come home when he had a job he could and watch the kids. He said he didn’t want to live like this he wanted to get out of here and move on and find someone who cared about him not keep living like this either. So I asked him why he didn’t do what he was supposed to to move up at work and why he didn’t come home so that I could get a job and we wouldn’t be in a jam every time we turned around.

All I got was he is and he is working on it and how everyone else is and blah blah blah bullshit. Then later he is telling the baby he was sorry he yelled at me in front of her. As if that is going to do anything. She is already scared of guys and won’t let them hold her and gets upset if they try. She clings to me if they talk to her because she isn’t use to them being around or doing anything for her. She was starting to do better and now I’m sure that she will be back to hiding. She didn’t want to be around him for a while after that. But this is what i am supposed to keep living with and having my kids around all the time. I have called shelters and everything else but still can’t get help. I can’t get help with daycare because they tell me with him working and me working and the money I get for my son I make to much. But I don’t have it to get them started or to even find a job. I don’t mind paying for it I just can’t get a job with out it and I can’t pay it until I get a job and get out of this hole and I can’t pay it if I have a job and they want more than what I make in a week. I just want help to get me and the kids a place of our own and on our feet so that we don’t have to have help and need help and we aren’t homeless every time I turn around or behind on everything because someone takes the money and dose whatever with it and don’t pay the bill. Lies about paying it or have to fight and beg to get the money to pay it.

{June 4, 2014}   Why Am I So Nasty

I have been trying to get someone to watch the kids so that I can go check on a couple job leads I have. I had one person that said she would do it but that fell through. I keep telling father of the year we need to figure out what we are going to do with the kids so that I can job hunt and he can work and so that I can go back to work once I find something. He just says he knows or he thought this or that. I tell him if I come up with a idea but I also tell him if they don’t work out. He has yet to offer a idea or seem to care.

He don’t care because like he keeps telling me how can he pay support and keep a place for himself. So he don’t care if we live like this forever. He is fine with it.

Night before last I was in the kitchen making dinner and he came in and was getting a drink. He starts complaining about his job how much he hates it and how they do and he makes no money and works all these hours and putts up with all this bullshit. Goes into how he needs to find a new job that is going to pay him better and he will have time off and not deal with all the bullshit.

I normally just igonore him let him ramble and go on. But I was so frustraited that I have been trying to get someone to watch the kids to go back to work and he could careless and hasn’t offered one idea at a sitter. I went off. I told him I really didn’t care that he wanted a new job. I didn’t care what he put up with at work or how they treated him or how many hours he worked for little to no pay for it. That I had been trying to get a sitter and get a job and that he didn’t even care or offer to help find one. That if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be able to work at all that he just goes gets whatever job he wants or can get and don’t worry about how it effects everyone else or if he has a sitter because he knows that I am here and will do it. He don’t care that I can’t work.

I tell him all this and all he dose is look at me and ask me why are you so mad? Really I just told you why I am mad and what the problem is. He says well you don’t have to be so nasty about it. I was just saying I want to get a better job and another job so I could have time off and normal hours so that i can help you watch the kids. You could work one shift I could work the other.

Trying to twist it all around and make me look like the bad guy here. I pointed out to him that he didn’t want to do that and that isn’t why he wanted to get another job at all. That all the resons he said to start with were why he wanted to get another job. That it had nothing to do with helping watch the kids. Because he had a job before this one where he went in at 5am and could be off by 2 pm. He could stay until 3/4 and get extra hours if he really wanted to and once in a while would need to to get things done. But that was hardly ever.

When he had said job he instead of doing his job and coming home so that I could get a job and go to work by 5 or 6 in the evening. He would get on the truck and go off across the state hundreds of miles a way and not call or come home until 9 or 10 pm. I would say then I have this job or that job lined up to go check on can you get off and come home at 2 so I can. He wouldn’t. He had a lot of leave way at that job he could be off at 2 ever day if he wanted. I didn’t ask him to be home at 2 every day. Just be off by 4. That let him get extra hours and still let me go to work.

He didn’t say anything about not coming home and watching the kids or nothing. He just kept on about how I don’t care and how he tries and I still get mad and nasty to him. All about him. I told him I don’t care about his job and how they treat him or anything. I don’t care that he runs all the time and makes nothing hardly for it. I haven’t cared in a very long time and I have not hidden that. Things wouldn’t be the way they are now if I cared. But things also wouldn’t be the way they are now if he cared way back when I told him there was problems.

Surprisingly (I say that sarcastically) days later it hasn’t come up again and he has still yet to offer any idea’s for someone to watch the kids.

et cetera
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