I don’t know if I told you all my meds had stopped working about 2 months after I started taking with. They gave me a 3 month supply that was would run out the Middle of December. When she gave them to me she had my come back in 30 days to see how they were working and things. I felt it was to soon but what do I know.

At the time they were working great so we left them alone. But then 2 or 3 weeks later I could tell they were not working. It took about that long before I finally got a hold of them and told them.

I could tell they stopped working because I was a mess again. I just wanted to sleep all day, on edge all the time and I started not sleeping again. That just made me stressed out about everything. I was crying over everything because I was so stressed about everything.

When I talked to her she said they could uo it since it had been working so good. So she doubled it and called in a new script. I started taking two of the ones I had left to finish them off and until I took the time to get the script.

Some how I missed it during the day a few times and would think of it at night. I went ahead and took it because I did not want to miss it. I had read on the papers before I could take them 8 hours apart. I guess some people take two a day instead of one. It said they had to be that far apart. It would be about 12 hours or more by the time I should take it at my normal time so I took it.

I should say I had not noticed much of a difference taking the double other than I was sleeping again. I have calmed down some but I still do not feel the way I did when I took them before or when I got back on them this time. I am not sure if it is just me and the stress I am dealing with or the meds. I think a little of both because I dealt with this stress better before. But I don’t want them to think I am just wanting them to up them or just trying to get pills. I know that isn’t true and these probably wouldn’t do anything for you. But it is just how I feel. Oh and I am in that area where I just don’t want to deal with things. I just don’t care whatever is how I feel about most things.

I took my pill that first night and in a little bit I was tired. Couldn’t hold my eyes open tired. Drop my phone behind the bed 3 times tired. I slept pretty good but then I woke up at like 3 or 4 a.m. I could not get back to sleep. I didn’t think about it being the pill causing it.

But I missed it in the morning a few times and took it at night. When I did I would sleep in no time. So I just started taking it at night so I would fall a sleep earlier at night. I also realized that it is why I am feeling so extremely tired at work for hours and sometimes messing stuff up. I feel like I can’t hold my eyes open and at times have all but fell a sleep sitting at my desk. Even though the bottle says take in the morning I changed it to nights because of that. But now if I get woke up I can not go back to sleep right away it could be hours. If it is past 5 I don’t fall back to sleep at all. I don’t get up till 7. I go to his house. I am there before 730. Once in awhile I will fall back to sleep there for a little bit before I have to get up. Then I don’t want to get up. I just want to sleep. But once I do I am fine the rest of the day.

The dreams are back too I sleep but dream most the night a lot of nights. I can’t tell you anything about them. I don’t dream unless I am stressed. But most nights I still feel pretty rested when I wake up. Where as before I didn’t. But it bothers me that I do it and know it and it bothers me I can’t remember them.

I have awake since before 5 and it is 730 almost and I still have a hour before I leave for work. I am at his house now. Laid back down wanting to sleep a little longer but no such luck.

This is all very odd to me because I’m not a morning person at all. I don’t do stuff in the morning I don’t get up early and take a hour or two to get ready. I wake up get dressed and leave. Of course go to the bathroom all that stuff. But then I go. I get up so I have just enough time to do what I need to do and go. This being awake for hours sucks.

{November 13, 2019}   73 and Freezing

It is 73 degrees in my office and I am freezing. It was 60 this morning and said it wasn’t going to get over 70 today. I don’t know what it is outside right now. I have had the air off all day and can’t get warm. I am temped to open my little heater and plug it in. But I only have about 45 minutes of my dad left and don’t feel like messing with it. I was cool but not this cold through the day. The fact I am sleepy and irritated and thinking about everything today don’t help either. Being sleepy makes it worse and then being cold makes me sleeper. I just need 2 hours added to the day to sleep. I think I would be alright. I don’t know why two I just feel like if I had two extra hours at the end of the day once I got home and in bed that I could sleep I would be alright.

Enough of my rambling I need to get off here and figure out what I am having for dinner and lock things up so I can get to my next job. I am there until 12 so I can make up hours.

{August 8, 2019}   I Have Become A………

Stress eater, since I am not home and stuck at work sitting at a desk all day and night I can’t sleep when I am depressed or stressed out. It hit me today I am now eating to replace the not being able to sleep.

That as you can see is the XL candy bar I sat here and ate yesterday while stressing about everything.

Today I had to go to the social security office before work, that didn’t go over well. Not the news I wanted to hear or went there to even get really. While waiting on them to sort things out and wait for someone to come over and help the guy that was helping me I ended up being late for work. Why not be later and stop and get food. I didn’t really want food I wanted coffee. But I didn’t even feel like getting out of the car to get coffee so I went though the drive through. I don’t like their coffee I was going to get tea. Then I seen the other places on the other side of the parking lot and figured what the hell may as well get a milkshake. Why your at it make it a large too.

That turned in to two roast-beef sliders and curly fries to go with it. All I have left is the shake and I feel sick because I wasn’t even hungry hardly ever eat this early and nothing like that. Now I just want to curl up and go to sleep and I have to make phone calls find the guys work and just be awake because I’m at work. I slept better last night than I had in a while but it was still hard to get up and I am still so tired.

{May 7, 2019}   Not Feeling Well

Here I lay at 2:48 a.m wide awake and not feeling well at all. I have this nasty taste in my mouth and feel sick to my stomach. I think it is coming from a tooth that is pretty messed up. I hate not being able to sleep but not being able to when I’m not feeling well is the worse. I am for the most part a very leave me a lone let me sleep it of kind of person. I am probably one of the easiest sick people to take care of because I require nothing but to be left alone. If I am to the point of not functioning I just want to sleep. Rearly do I want anyone to do anything for me. Take care of the kids, house and things that need done forget I’m here I will be okay. Once in a really great while I may want to cuddle and that hardly ever happens if I am not feeling good.

I have so much to do I need to be awake not falling to sleep tomorrow. I put off work so now I have to do that before I can take care of my stuff. It is going to be a long day. I better get off here and try to get some sleep. I have lots of post to catch up on soon too.

{April 27, 2019}   A Week of Monday’s

I do not know where this week went, I went to bed Monday and woke up it was Friday is how I feel. All the days in between were all a Monday’s something had to happen everyday.

Monday was just a bust because after giving everyone Friday off I had to take 2 hours off. I had to go to an IEP meeting then deal with child support. Got to work an hour late left an hour early. Was late to my second job from there.

Tuesday I open the door at work and lights are on I was trying to figureout if someone was there still or they had left. All of a sudden I start tripping over something and kicking something around. I yelled shit! Before I even thought. All of a sudden the one owner came running in. He had his dog there the day before and had sat a bowel of water back out of the way for her. I left early so I didn’t pick it up. He forgot about it when they left they don’t use the door it was by. He forgot I do I think or just meant to pick it up. It was under my feet and I was kicking it around, it spilled all over. I couldn’t get it from under my feet. I finally got around it. He was like I’m so sorry I forgot it was there and left it. I’ll clean it up don’t worry about it. So he did that while I was opening and clocking in.

Wednesday I go in I am running late but still on time. I woke up at time I should of been leaving. I stopped at the store for my coffee and water and needed gas. I realised I left my bank card at home. The only money I have is the change in the truck. So I was between work and home and running late. I had to decide to go back or go to work. I grabbed my coffee and went to work. I didn’t want to be late. I asked them at work if I could take $50 until the next morning for gas and to grab something to eat on my way to work. It was our night we went out too and I needed money. I told him I walked out without my bank card I have it the next morning. He said it’s almost pay day don’t worry about it we can take it out of that. That is what we did.

I was going to do my hair, make up and put on a cute outfit too. But I woke up at 9:28 had to be at work at 10. There was no way I could not take a shower so that’s all that go done.


This is how I felt like I looked. Not being able to sleep at night is really starting to get to me. I don’t know what I am going to do. I think I need to get back on my meds.

Thursday Thursday I had to go to the bank, water department post office and to pay a bill. Everything is in our down town area but the bill I needed to pay. I went took care of everything but the bill because they weren’t open. I tried to call and pay it and it ddeclined my card 2x. I am looking at the money I have in the bank it shouldn’t. I take time between jobs to run out of my way to pay it and it declines again. The guy there I know said it’s your bank they will not let you make this kind of payment with your card. I have to go pay them today because I couldn’t run all over town and go back.

Friday I laid down after I drop kids at school and woke up with 20 minutes to be at work. I got dressed stopped at the store I go to in the morning. I had to get my coffee not getting it isn’t an option. I get it get a few other things and sit it on the counter. I pay the lady reach over to get my change and knock my coffee over. It spills everywhere, counter, floor and just missed meme as I jumped back. There was a line full of people it almost got some of them. The lady behind me said I was watching and I still can’t figure out how that happen. I don’t either. I got another coffee and finally made it to work 7 minutes late.

Just a week of Monday’s.



{April 14, 2019}   A Lazy Weekend

Saturday Bff called and asked if we wanted to go to the beach. They were ready, we jumped up and got ready. We spent a few hours or more out there. My kids loved it. More than I expected they would like it. My big boy got in the water and stayed the whole time. I really did not think he was going to like it. The little two loved it as well. I am not a beach in the day time kind of person. But it wasn’t bad. I like to go at night and walk or just sit and relax.

We were going to go today but decided to wait. We used sunscreen but still burnt places we missed and I was tired.

I ended up sleeping 12 hours straight pretty much. But it was much needed. I get about 15 hours between Monday night and Friday night. By the weekend I am beat. Was thinking about going next weekend but it is Easter weekend so I don’t know. Think I will get the kids beach stuff and outdoor games for Easter.

{April 10, 2019}   3 A.M. Phone Calls

I met another one of our drivers last night at the trucking company. They were waiting on their trailer to get therr so they could leave out. He came in and was hanging out talking to us.

We were talking about me taking over and the other guy leaving and things. The driver says so I can call you and talk to you at 2 or 3 am then. He said I don’t call in to often with problems or anything like that. He said but you know you have that last 200 miles to go in the middle of the night you just need something to keep you going and awake. He said we can talk about anything I don’t even care at that point. I said oh well if I was here but I won’t be in here and I don’t have a phone for on call. He said you can still take my call keep me awake.

In a little bit the phone rang I answered it and it was one of the drivers he needed information I didn’t have. I put him on speaker so the guy training me could hear they were talking. He told him to hold on he had to call someone else ask them.

Why he was doing that the guy on the phone called me ask if I was still there. I said yes he asked if I was going to be working nights. I told him yes. I said evenings. He said oh good then can I call you at 3am? I said nope I won’t be here at 3am. He said but I can still call you. I said no because I go home at 10:30. He said something about once I get into full time. I said if he wants to put me on full time you can call at 3am if I am here I will answer. Handle all your problems for you. The other driver is sitting across from me laughing. The guy on the phone says you don’t have to be there for me to call you. You just have to answer no one else ever answered their phones. The one training me said dude she don’t have a phone for on call she was hired as in office. I said I have a full time job I work in the day time I can’t be on call. The guy on the phone said give it a few you will be full time and have a phone. I said I don’t know about that I guess we will see. I said if you all need me full time tell him he is only offering me part time it was made clear. He said yeah that won’t last.

He got his information and everything. I said okay you all good now have what you called in for? He said yes and something. I said okay then have a good night and remember no problems after 10:30 or your on your own to figure them out because I’m out at 10:30 get them all in before that.

The driver sitting there with me busted up laughing. The guy training me did. He said no I will still be here and he has my number too. I said see you blew it for yourself I had him down to no problems. I said okay you can call him with all your problems at 3am if you would like. I will be sleeping.

I got news for them they are not calling me all hours of the night if I am not in that office or getting paid to be on call. They aren’t my Circus or my monkeys after 10:30/12. By 3 I am finally getting to sleep myself to start my day over in 3 or 4 hours. Not like them where they get to get off for 12 or 13 hours before they are up again. I get that little window and then I am up again until that time the next night.

If they wanted to pay me decent I would do full time evenings over there. I could work at 3 but it would be from home the last few hours. I don’t want to work the days over there. The other guys I work with are alright but not ones I want to deal with work with all day and I would rather work the evenings than days anyway that seems to be when the drivers are wanting and needing someone. If I could do it on call from home they were paying me then I could keep my day job too. I be off at like 7am. I just tell them after 7 I am not answering my phone I’m off.

{March 28, 2019}   Tomorrow is Already Friday

I can’t believe tomorrow is already Friday. I have no idea where this week has went. It feels like today is just Tuesday. I’m not sure if that is good or bad. I feel like I haven’t slept in a while really.

As Little Bitty puts it I just closed my eyes and open them, it’s not time to get up yet!!

I am not sleeping good or much with this new job and I am not eating. I am having a hard time finding a balance with everything. I work between the two jobs 10 am to 10pm or 12 am. Depending on the days. That puts me getting home between 11:30 and 12:30. Then if they need anything from the store or anything like that I have to stop and get it. I am not even laying down most any night before 1am. Then I have to unwind a little because I can’t sleep once I do lay down. Im not going to sleep before 2:30 or 3 most nights and awake by 7. It seems to never fail I wake up at least once so I don’t feel I am ever in a deep restful sleep.

I know I stay up late a lot of nights and d9n’t go to sleep until late but it is different. I go to bed really early, lay there relax unwind and does off and on until I am sleeping good. Where now I am at work those hours going going going and taken care of things. I’m not clearing my head unwinding relaxing like I would be if home. It makes a big difference.

I hope by next week I am evened out and use to it more. Can start falling a sleep faster. The stress of the bitch there to isn’t helping. I hope she is on her way out soon. She has gotten some money coming in now. Not a lot but she needs to figure it out.

Right now I feel like I shut my eyes open them a few minutes later and go again. I feel like I have been awake the last two weeks straight for the most part.

{March 28, 2019}   Mr. Responsible

I got off at 10 last night and was supposed to meet everyone out like we always do. Then after I am clocked out and on the highway home they tell me they left already. They decided not to stay. They had went out to dinner before hand because it was bff’s oldest birthday, they were all tired. I said alright thanks a lot I had told them I was trying to get off early and was on my way. I was hungry and wanted to eat but didn’t want fast food or something like that. It kind of pissed me off. I started to call my old friend see what he was doing I was coming up on his excite I could of gotten off there. I didn’t I just kept heading home. I drove around for a while and finally went home.

The two little ones were still up at almost 11 when I got there. I wasn’t happy but I went and laid down with them and we talked and joked around for a while. Little Bitty lost another tooth she was telling me all about it and their field trip coming up.

They finally went to sleep and I laid there a while before I did. I finally started falling a sleep and my phone rang. I found it and looked to see who it was because it didn’t have a ring I knew. It was my old friend, I started not to answer it but finally did. He said hey baby oh man it’s to late isn’t it? I’m sorry I woke you up didn’t I? I said I was just falling a sleep and that I got off earlier I had already left down there. He said oh it’s to late, I’m sorry I shouldn’t of called you this late. I told him he was okay we talked a little bit. He said he just got off work a little bit ago. He was out he wanted me to come hang out with him. I said I tried to come see you twice last week. He said I know I know I’m sorry I have been trying to be responsible and the adult go to bed early and things take care of things. I laughed so hard. Not that he isn’t responsible or don’t take care of things. I know what he meant but just the way he said it and to hear him say it it was funny. He said what baby I am I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can hang out tonight. I said but I do, I have to work. He said dam baby that sucks come see me in the morning. I said I can’t I have to be at work at 10 but I will be off at 9 tomorrow and in your area. He said I have to work Friday. I said that is okay you don’t tomorrow you can sleep in and stay up late. He laughed.

Something was said about coming over and things, he said don’t make me take an uber to your house because I will show up there in a bit. I said I have a bed full of kids. He said I’m sure you have an empty one somewhere. I said no I wish, because if I did I would of been in it they were all in my way last night. He said I’m going to go I’m so sorry I woke you up, I shouldn’t of called you. I said no your okay.

I figure I will call him this evening when I get off see what he is up to maybe. I need to just go out and relax. I was looking forward to last night and they all bailed.

{February 13, 2019}   Day 10 Song a Day Challenge

Not a song but this is my go to wjen I can’t sleep and think of it.

I do not own this or rights to it.

et cetera
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