{November 22, 2018}   A Little Creepy

Tuesday night I went to bed late, I was extremely sore, tired and just didn’t feel good. Mr. To Broken messaged me and said he needed to talk to me. I ask what was up. He tried to call me on messenger. I did not answer he knows I do not use it to talk at all if he wants to call me he needs to call my phone right. I ask again what was up? He said he wanted to talk to me could he call? I said yeah.

He called my phone started telling me how much he loves me all this. He sounded way better than I have ever heard him sound before. He tells me he has this idea I should come and bring the kids over Friday night. Have a fire grill and all that. The kids can run and play all night until they drop. And we (me & him) can go to bed and crash. Just relax and enjoy the night. It would be fun for the kids.

I do not know why he thought I would go along with this. He knows how I am and that I don’t bring my kids around guys and things. To think I am just going to come bring them over there and in the end go to bed with him! I have made it very clear I am mot interested in him at all in anyway shape or form for any reason at all.

What did he think he would get me over there and then do what he wanted? I go along with it because the kids were there or he pull something because they were there try make me do what he wanted.

I just got a very weird feeling about it all. He just seemed into good of a mood and everything. Very not good feeling about it. Of course I told him no there was never a question about it there is no way i ever think of doing it. Creepy stalker kind of thing if you ask me.

{December 2, 2017}   Learning New Things About Myself

With everything going on at the shop and with trying to finish up this semester of school I have not been up to the shop but once the other day, for the first time in weeks. Of course the boss and other employee started a set up conversation between the two in front of me. I just acted as if I didn’t care and wasn’t listening and was doing my work. But they were talking about some women being in Starfishes bed and wouldn’t get out.

I said something to my friend, the bosses wife about it later when we were talking about all the shit and the shop. She said I don’t know you can’t trust anything that any of them up there say they all seem like they are trying to start shit. I said yeah I know. One I didn’t say anything. She said I do know that boss said that he got rid of him because he has gotten himself rapped up with to many of these girls and that he had like 4 different girls he was fucking. She said I don’t know that don’t make since or seem right and that isn’t work related. Said he turned around and started saying yeah this one, that one, and then named me and I was one of them. She said that is not true they are not sleeping together I know for a fact. He said well that isn’t what he was told by the shit starter up there and that he knew I would’t put up with that or want to have that around and things. So there again trying to start something so we won’t talk. Who does this with someone they aren’t with and who will have nothing to do with them? It isn’t right.

Well when we were out riding around and talking I said boy I learn new things about myself all the time that I didn’t know. He laughed and said what do you mean. I said I learned stuff about you too. He said what are you talking about? I said well from what I have heard your sleeping with 4 different people. He was like what? I said oh yeah your rapped up with all these women and I am one of them. He said so is it good? I laughed, I said and you have a 50 year old prostitute and the lady that lives next door to you and one other but she wasn’t named. He was laughed but he wasn’t happy. He said I can tell you right now I have not been with anyone in like 8 months or more. He said not since my ex so and so. He said I haven’t been with anyone that I want to be with or that even feels right to even think about being with. I said I don’t know it isn’t any of my business, they act like I should know and it is. I said they think it is going to piss me off and I’m going to stop talking to you. I said I can’t believe the shit they will do or how far they will go.

I do not believe he was with some women the other day when they were talking about it because he was just on the phone with the boss not 5 minutes before they came in there saying all this and him having her there she was there right then. If he had a naked women there in his bed why the hell would he be calling the boss talking about jobs and shit? They think I am stupid and I’m not.

I said something about him not liking it that I turned him down flat and him not being able to stand it that I did and we are talking. My friend said oh from what I have heard and been told he already had it? I said what? He said oh yeah he told everyone he done been in your pants too. I was like wait a fucking minute it, he is fucking lying. I have never done anything with him, went anywhere with him or anything at all. He said oh yeah that is what he told everyone. I am so fucking mad, I want to go confront him but I can’t. I need the job and the money right now and he is going to give me another day during the week. I said we can go find him and I will tell you and his wife that i have never done anything with him and ask him why he said it. He said no I leave you but I am just letting you know what was said. I am still fuming over it.

{September 5, 2017}   Should be Sleeping

Sitting here listening to music and thinking, it’s 1 am I should be sleeping. I have to be at work at 8 am. Just at the shop watching the guys collecting money or whatever needs to be done. They will be on their way home from their trip to Tenn. Waiting to hear if I am going to get to work this week with my sister and her husband or not. At least that would give me a little money to hold me over the next few weeks or to help. I am supposed to get my money from school Friday. I owe so much out but I think I will be okay as long as this storm don’t cause us to much problems this next week or two. I can’t afford to leave and I can’t not leave if they say we are going to get to much of a hit from it. If it was just me I didn’t have the kids I wouldn’t worry about it I just wait it out and hope for the best.

If we have to leave it is going to take a big chunk of money and I don’t want to do that. I need that money for a lwayer and hopefully get a new truck, pay bills and buy Christmas. I have enough to pay rent for just about 7 months, but I need to pay my sister back and I really think I need to find a different truck than keep putting money into this one. I really should have never bought this truck but I just lost my dad needed something to drive and knew if I didn’t get something Father of the Year would have my money spent because I couldn’t get it away form him. I finally just said fine go get it. I have a guy who still wants to buy it not sure how much I can get out of it but I can’t sell it until I get something else. I don’t need to be in a spot like I was when I bought this one where I need it. I can still drive this one for a while but it isn’t going to last me a while like I want it to unless I put some money into it and I don’t want to put that kind of money into it. It wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t need hood, fenders, shocks in the hood, back hatch and painted. I think the air needs fixed as well. The air is a lot. I figure by the time I put all that money into it I could just get another and right now the prices aren’t to bad on them. I found a few with the 7.3 motor I want for a decent price. I found one that was okay priced and I could probably get them talked down even lower, but it has been wrecked in the front like mine. It needs a lot of the same parts as mine and it will need painted like mine does. But it has the better motor in it and I have the parts priced out, I can get them for not a lot if I get them down on the price of the truck then I could probably bring it home get all the parts and put on it then take my truck now and trade it to get the paint job it needs and be out less than if I fixed my truck. I would have the motor I wanted and nicer truck. I have made a list of about 12 to look at and talk to the people about before I decide what I am going to do. Most are about two hours away from me so I am waiting to get my money see what this storm is going to do then set it up so I can make a trip out of it when I drop the kids off at school and go for the day look at as many as I can in one area. If I find something I like then I can talk to them see what kind of price I can get it for and go back down another day or that day depending on how long I have before I have to get the kids and get it. I am going to look at a bunch before I pick one. That way the people know that I motivated to buy if I get the right truck at the right price. Right now with gas prices going up helps too because they know they are going to have to come down on the price of the trucks because people are not wanting to buy them when gas is up to $2.65 a gallon right now. But like I told my friend, it saves me $100’s to $1000’s off when I buy and even if I pay a little more for gas once in a while I still don’t end up spending what I saved on the price in gas. I don’t go that far I don’t use that much gas and gas prices don’t stay up that long. And when I have a list and I am looking at a bunch of different ones that are in the same shape in the same area or close people know well they want this for that one and it is same as mine she will just go buy that one if I don’t sell mine for a good price they come down too if they are really wanting to sell. I will tell them well I have this many others to go look at that are in this shape or that for about the same or cheaper so I have to go check them out before I pick one. I don’t want to jump on the first thing I look at and I need to get the best deal I can and the best for my money it has to last me a while. One thing I don’t like is that a lot of them are on lots and I hate to buy off lots but to get what I want I guess I will. I have thought about making payments even on one to get what I want that is in really good shape. But I still have to get it at a good price and make sure I can get it paid off by Feb. and still have money to pay the lawyer. No matter what the lawyer comes first.

I am also going to keep looking and adding to my list this week and taking some off. There were two or three I called about that have not called me back I figure they are gone. I am bad I love to car/truck shop. I said that to my boss the other day we were talking about shopping for some reason. I said I don’t like to shop for clothes and things. My shopping for clothes, shoes or a purse is walking through the store and seeing something I like. If I have the money and it fits then I will pick it up. But to just go shop hardly ever unless I have too. I said I like to shop for trucks and big ticket things like furniture. He like your a special kind of women, I just laughed. But it’s true I have always like shopping for cars and was always the one to wheel and deal when we had to get a new car.


{July 31, 2017}   Time is Flying

I can not tell you where this Summer has went. I feel like we just had the last day of school a couple days ago and it is already time for the kids to go back. I feel bad because I wasn’t able to take the kids and do anything with them. The start back the 16th, the rest of the schools start back the 10th. I hope to maybe get one small fun trip of some kind in with them next weekend.

I am scrabbling to get scholarships done and work and everything else right now. I feel like I went to sleep and woke up three months later and am trying to catch up. I haven’t even been back on here hardly or anything. I am thinking about taking my computer to work with me so that I can write on my break since I don’t eat and sit there most the time. Be perfect time to write and get caught up on here, they have inter net and everything. I think I may do that starting Wednesday. Not a lot but a lot going on here if that makes since.

I really need to get back in to the doctor because I am at the point of sleeping all the time and not being able to hold my eyes open. I am going to call them see where I can fit them in around everything else I have to do this week. I just don’t know. I guess I will see. I am going to go because I am just rambling now. I have some other things to update I am not sure I will get to it tonight but if not maybe tomorrow or the next day I hope.

I have been back to being up all night or most the night for a while now. I will be up until 6 to 8 am sleep a few hours and go again. I have started having to take my Little Guy to school then I try to sleep and hour or two after I get back but sit here awake even then.

The other day I took him to school, came home laid down and tried to go to sleep until the kids started getting up in a bit. I laid her even then for a couple hours. My little bitty had went with me to take him to school and was laying on the couch watching tv. In a little bit I felt something hit the bed and looked, it was her blanket, she was climbing up into my bed with me. It’s funny because the side of the bed comes to her shoulders so she had to toss her stuff up here and then climbs up or I pick her up.

As soon as she got up here she laid down beside me and I put my arm around her and we were both passed out a sleep in a matter of minutes. It hit me when I woke up I’m not sleeping good because I don’t have that other person there beside me. It never bothered me before I don’t know why it is now. I use to love to have my bed to myself at times even when I was with someone. I guess I’m just missing having some one there over all lately.

I could let Little Bitty sleep with me but she kills me and is a bed hog. She can’t lay in the bed normal and sleep, she is turned sideways and upside down with feet and arms everywhere. Or she likes to get right against my back and sleep, either way I can’t move I am falling off the bed and I wake up hurting so bad I can hardly stand up and walk.

I told my friend I just need someone to come over and sleep with me at night so I can sleep. Nothing else just sleep, she about died laughing. But you know like I said in my post the other day when things got bad between Father of The Year I stopped going to bed at night and sleeping I sleep when he left for work or sleep on the couch. When things were good between us we always slept in the same bed. We may not go to bed at the same time but I would do what I was doing then go to bed shortly after he did. When me and RC were together we went to bed together every night, I got use to it.¬†After 4 years I can’t believe it is bothering me like it is, it better go away because who knows when I will have someone to sleep with again.


et cetera
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