{August 21, 2018}   3:00 A.M. Thought

I was sleeping good until the bitch came and woke me up over 30 minutes ago. Now I am laying here with a 1001 thoughts going through my head and I don’t even know why.

I have thought about the pervert living across the street. Why is he there? Why would they let him back? Why is he allowed to live 3 houses from the school?

I have thought about Father of The Year and am I really going to get money from him on the first? Why won’t the state nail it to him like they do these other guys and make him get a job and pay? I have not heard from them in about a month so I have no idea what is going on. I really do need that money. I need it this week not next but Iwill wait and make do. I just hope it comes.

I have thought about Sleeping Beauty because I have not heard from him today. I don’t know what it is everytime I think about him I just feel this need to pray for him.

Of course I have been thinking about the Bitch and wanting her out of my house now. Not in a month or few weeks I just want her out. I am so tired of the way she does and acts. Today something was said about child support and I said they won’t help me and things. She of course starts telling me how it is my fault!! Something else I have no control over she tells me it is my fault why it is the way if is. I tell her no this is what they told me she still telling me no its me i didn’t this or that. I tell her i did so then i didn’t I am lying of some other reason it is my fault. Bitching about everything here when how to clean it. Then why it dont get done. It dont get done because she bitches and demands. And does nothing its not her house. I am just waiting for the 13 of the month and the first. If I start getting child support and she dont do something about this ssi by the 13th and get out she is gone. I will take the money and file an eviction against her, come the first of October when I get money again. Maybe sooner if i can take care of things before then.

{December 6, 2016}   Breathing a Little Easier Today

I went to the social security office today to find out what I needed to do to show I am not getting support from Father of the Year. Since they took about a $100 away when I started getting it. So instead of putting a $100 with it to pay rent every month I have had to put $200 with it. I figred it would be a huge run around like everywhere else I would need a letter from him or someone else stating he wasn’t paying me.

I got my number sat there in for an hour or and finally got called back to talk to someone. I told the guy I was getting support and now I am not. I don’t know when I will get it again. I didn’t come in sooner because he was only suppose to be out of work for a couple weeks and now it has been a month and a half he hasn’t paid. He ask his name and started looking in the computer. Then he said something about child support enforcement. I told him it did not go through them I thought it would but when they granted the support and divorce they didn’t that I was all the time running him down to get my money and now he wasn’t paying at all.

He pulled out a form marked a few places on it and said fill out this area and write a statement that he isn’t paying you right now and sign it. I did and he said it will up date in the computer. I asked him how long it would take to update and he said with in 24 hours so his check the first would be for the full amount instead of what he has been getting. Then he did some more figuring and said in about 5 days you should get a credit for October for what you were short because he only paid you for two weeks not the full 4.

I figured it out and with the credit for October and him getting the full amount on the first I will be $11 short of having my rent for the first. My friend lives on the other end of the main street they are on. I went there to give her and her boyfriend a ride and pick her up when I got done. She asked how it went what all they wanted to change it back or if they were going to. I told her they did and they were even going to credit for the check I already got for October. That I would only be $11 short the fist, her boyfriend said no your not going to be $11 short the first I will have money you will have the $11. I wasn’t worried about the $11 I knew I could come up with it some how if I had to ask my sister for it or sell something for next to nothing to get it.

My mom called why I was standing in like at the social security office I couldn’t answer because you can’t have phones in there. I text her told her I wasn’t home couldn’t answer ask what she wanted. She got all mad I couldn’t walk outside and call her. I was waiting in a line to get a number to wait in line to get to talk to someone. If I had gotten out of line went out then came back I been farther back in line and a higher number. They had just open and I was already number 27.

Once I finally got a number and knew they would not be calling it anytime soon I went out to call her. She said Father of the Year went to work and then got called to go down south somewhere for an interview and was talking about what to do. I said I guess he is going to have to tell this job he had something come up he has to take care of and go to it see what they tell him. The job he is at that he started Monday is by the job and he is not going to make money there. Then she said he had an interview at lunch time with them. So he told them he had to go he be back later or in the morning he had to take care of something.

On the way to the interview someone else from the same company called and was wanting to set up and interview he told them he already talked to someone and was on his way. They ended up telling him to come back and start work at 3:30 tonight it is second shift. I am just wondering how long it is really going to last if they were that desperate to have someone start. It is doing the same thing he was doing at the last job he got laid off at November and in schools down there I guess. He says they just started this job and have others they are waiting on approvals of paperwork or something for. He said they work 4 ten hour days and have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. I bet he still has next to nothing to do with the kids even with three days a week off. He could take them Friday to Monday when he dropped them off at school like he is supposed to. Because he don’t have to be at work until 330 now. He also could take them Thursday until Sunday instead but I know he won’t.

At least with this job he will get paid every week and will have a check for 30 hours next week plus the check from the junk yard for the day and half that he worked. Pretty much a full check then he will get two more full checks by the 30. He should have $1760 without the day and whatever from the junk yard. He better start giving me something again here soon.

He could pay his rent pay me what he owes me and still have a few $100 left over for the month. I am sure he will tell me how he has to pay his bills and catch up there. I bet he don’t bother to go get the kids anything for Christmas. Or that will be what he does tell me he can’t pay me he has to buy the kids stuff for Christmas. But no big deal that I have no money because he hasn’t been paying me. But that is ok they will have a nice Christmas.

He will be making between $2560 a month and $3200 a month. The way they get paid and I bet he still cries about having to give me money or having to help buy the kids clothes or extra stuff they need for school or clubs. His support is figured on him making half what he is really making. If I have to keep tracking him down and asking for my money over and over I will go to child support enforcement let them know he got a job make twice as much money and that I have to call and ask over and over for my money so I want to know how to have it take right from his checks. The guy today at the social security office said that I can go request that they take it from his check and that they will take his income tax check since he is behind. That is just what I am going to do if this keeps up and he don’t want to help with their other stuff. That was the deal he would help with whatever extra they needed since the support was figured lower. It was also figured by how many over nights they are with him and how many they are with me. They never have any over nights with him at all so that would make it go up as well.

Edited to move it from a page to a post, and to say you can ad this to the On A Roll post. I wrote and posted this before I ever left for the ss office. When I went to put tags an a categories they weren’t there. I thought it was odd but figured wordpressed changed something again I hadn’t noticed. I didn’t have time to check into it at the time. Nope nothing changed I just posted it under pages instead of post. So here you go now in it’s right spot.


I got a letter in the mail a week or so ago saying that I needed to come in to the SS office by the 15th. It was already the 20 something. I called to see if I could get it taken care of over the phone she said I had to go in. I asked for a appointment and she said they don’t give them for that just go in. I told her look I can’t spend hours there waiting to be seen I have 4 kids that I have no help with and have to bring with me plus at the time I was going and helping take care of my dad. She told me to hold on yet again and then came back said they have one at……………………………………….. yep you guessed it I got hung up on. I figured since she had my number and everything she would call me back. I just held on for a hour at one number then another hour at that number and had to wait for them to call me back. They got my number they just used it and called me 5 minutes ago. Nope she didn’t call me back. I didn’t make it down there because things got worse with my dad and all. Before I knew it was the first they put the money on my card. So I was going to go when father of the year was off this past Monday. Over the weekend I got a letter in the mail saying that I had an appointment for today. I started to still go Monday so that I didn’t have to take the kids with me but then figured that I would just end up waiting all day to be seen. I needed to go see my dad so I went up there instead. I figure if I got today when they tell me then hopefully we will get in and out pretty quick. The fact I have the kids with me they will want to get me out as fast as possible. I hope they don’t take all day I have to be back here for therapy by 1:45 for the boys. Then after they leave at  4 we are going up to see my dad a few minutes. I was going to go tomorrow but my little guy asked a few times yesterday if we could go see grandpa and when we could go see him again. I figure that if he is asking we need to go. Kids know things sometimes. I feel bad to wait until tomorrow just because we have the day free and something happen. I know he isn’t going to want us to stay very long anyway probably an hour or so if that. Last time we were only there for about half hour 45 minutes. It being later in the day I know he is going to be pretty wore out probably. We go back tomorrow earlier in the day and then Friday. My little guy hopefully gets his pins out and cast off at 2:15. He is already talking about going to show grandpa when we get back. It is a drive there and back so we won’t get to stay long then either before he is tired. But we will get to spend time with him. He will get to see my little guy is ok. I know he was worried about him. I guess I better get off here and get everyone dressed and get to the ss office. I should be leaving in just a few minutes. I just have no motivation to do anything or energy if I want too.

{February 4, 2015}   On A Roll

I have been so spaced out and just getting through my dad I forgot to pay the water. Well I haven’t really looked at any of the bills this month. Never even thought about it, that is until today when I was rushing to get dressed and get to the SS office and the dogs started having a fit. I look out the window and guess who? The water guy. He shut me off. I can’t just pay him and he would go away no that would be to easy for me right now. I have to take the paper go about 15 miles the other direction from where I am going to pay it and get it back on. I had my meeting at 12 and had to be home by 2 till 4 for therapy. If I don’t pay the water before 3 we have none until tomorrow. The guy was so nice he kept telling me how sorry he was to have to do this. I told him it was fine it was all my fault I had laid them up and forgot why trying to take care of my dad and things. I would get it taken care of.

I called father of the year to give him the information and see if he could pay it because he is all over the county all day and he wasn’t far from there at the time. Of course all he could do was raise hell and bitch about it. But he didn’t say hey let me look and see if the bills need paid or what ones need to be paid this check what ones can wait until next. But then he feels he has the right to bitch because this happen. He is lives here and uses it all too and I have asked since Friday how much he made and told him the rent needed paid and things. Its due today or we get a late fee of $100 I can’t afford but he hasn’t bothered to get the money and pay it or get me the money to pay it.

As I park the van at the SS office with just enough time to get everyone out, inside and signed in it hit me. I missed my appointment it was TUESDAY not today. I don’t know why when I read it and seen the 3 rd I had it in my head today was the 3rd. I didn’t even go in they were so full of people. There was hardly anywhere to park and people standing around outside. I knew that if I went in I would be there for hours and had to be back here to meet the therapy for the boys. We cancelled last week and she done text me today and asked if we would be here today. I can’t get them tossed out of the program.

I guess I now have to go there first thing when they open tomorrow or right before they close and sit and wait to be seen. I think I will go see my dad early about lunch time and then hit there on the way back. That way he should be up and eating and we won’t be in why he is wanting to rest. The ss office is right on my way home so I will slide in and grab a number before they cut it off and you can’t get one. They will be wanting to go home so then they will be getting people in and out as fast as they can. All I really have to do is give them a copy of our w-2 and sign a paper saying I got the money I made all the sessions on what to use it on and that none of it was saved. Not hard It all went to things he needed, bills food and clothes. I would have never had to go in if the mail man had brought the papers he was supposed to. I am going to the next city over and getting a p.o. box so that everything will go to it and I can by pass this post office and their service. This isn’t the only house I have lived in that my mail went through this main office and this isn’t the first problem I have had with them. I should have my tax money with in the next week and that is one of the first things I am going to do is get a box. It is only like $60 for the year to get a small box for just mail.

I’m so fucking pissed off right now I am shaking. My oldest son is autistic. He is high functioning but still has his share of issues and problems to deal with. He is in a private school and gets two different therapies twice a week to help with things.  He is supposed to be getting a 3 rd we are working on getting for him.

He came up a few months ago for review for SSI to see if he will keep getting his check or not. I knew nothing of it until one morning I woke up to a phone call from this lady telling me she is calling to inform me that she is going to be closing his case in 15 days because I have not complied with them. I have no clue what she is talking about I tell her I don’t. She says she sent me a letter asking for information. I tell her I didn’t get the letter if I had I would have got in touch with her. She starts telling me well I sent it who checks your mail, have you been a way, did someone else check your mail all this like I am some kid that has to answer all this to her. Then she says I sent it out on on um then just changes the subject and goes on to something else. I am guessing she never sent the letter she was supposed to send. I asked her about it and she changed the subject again and said well I am sending you a letter to get this and this. I told her I didn’t have it she said that she would just get it from the school she had to get some stuff from them any way and that she would be sending me a couple letters with appointments to take my son for a speech evaluation and a IQ test.

I got the letters for both test called told them we would be going to them. I get a phone call asking if we would be going I again tell them yes and that I called to let them know. I later get another letter and call yet again to tell them we are coming. This all coming from the same women. I don’t know what she is trying to do but I just keep calling each letter I get and call I receive. I don’t know if she is trying to make it look like we are not complying now or what. We went tot he speech eval and for the IQ test. When the doctor was done with the IQ test he called me back and talked to me. I told me he was going to let them know he felt he needed to come back for more testing.

Today when she called she again started about sending me a letter to close my case for not doing what they asked. I asked her what it was we didn’t do that I had gotten the reports sent, we had made it to both test and was waiting for them to let us know when and where to go for the other test.

She says I have not turned in his IEP. I told her that she told me she was going to ask the school for that because I did not have a copy. She said well they didn’t send it to me and you haven’t gotten it to us. I didn’t know she hadn’t gotten it because she has never asked for it since we talked about it the first time. If she had told me she didn’t get them I would have tried to get them. I was then trying to tell her I would try to get them and turn them in right a way, but that it was summer he goes to a private school and they are closed for the summer . She starts talking over me telling me that he goes to private school he don’t have a IEP and they would just mark that he don’t have one. I am trying to tell her he dose I go the meetings with his school the school board and everything else. I was trying to ask her if there was a way to ask for more time since I didn’t know they didn’t get this and was working on getting it and if the test that he had done and still needed to have done would work if I couldn’t get it. Why they were going to close the case if we were still waiting on farther testing. She just keeps telling me I didn’t comply and that he don’t have a IEP they would just mark him as not having one. Just going around and around talking over me. I asked her again about when they were going to do send him for the other test. She said we don’t test for anything else we just do the ones we sent him for. If you want to get more test and follow up with it on your own and send us the results then you can do that. I told her the doctor said he felt they needed more testing to decide everything. She got nastier and just said well we are not going to do it if you want to that is up to you we just wanted him to do the IQ test not any thing else from him. I said I am just trying to understand how this all works. She again just cuts me off.

I had enough of her being rude and talking to me like I was just the lowest of the low. I said can I talk and say what I have to say now with out you cutting me off and talking over me? She said we can’t both talk at the same time. I said no we can’t but that’s what you keep trying to do. Every time I try to ask something or answer you even you cut me off or talk over me and don’t even listen to what I am saying. I said you have been nothing but nasty and rude from the time I answered the phone, talk to me and treat me this way and I am not going to be talked to and treated like this. I do not have to be I want to talk to a supervisor. She says oh so you want to talk to a supervisor now. I said yes I do your boss I want to know why you think you can call people and treat them this way and speak to them the way you have me from the first time I talk to you. She lauges and started to say something. I said no I’m done talking to you, you’ve had your say I will be talking to them and dealing with them from now on or someone different. she puts me on hold I was on hold for a hour and fifteen minutes and no one ever picked up the phone again. I just let the phone lay there why I was doing other stuff that I needed to take care of. By 4:15 I figured they were probably closed and hung up.

If she was in the right and I was so wrong why did she put me on hold for so long and not get a boss? Seems she knows she has messed up and was in the wrong. The phone calls are all supposed to be recorded if they are it will show right there how she talked to me and treated me. It is also going to show that she left me on hold all that time and never got a boss or came back to the phone. She is going to have to explain that. She says she send me to the bosses line and she didn’t answer she will have to explain why i didn’t get a voice-mail and again why either of them left me on hold that long.

I don’t normally complain or go over someone to a boss very very rearly will I. But I have never been treated or come close to being treated and talked by anyone as she did me. She talked to me like they talk to the inmates at the jail or worse. I use to hear it every day at work when I had to call up there or they would call me. You could hear them in the background yelling at them and talking to them like they were no body. It isn’t right for them to be doing it no more than it is for anyone to do it to anyone else. For her to talk to me that way I haven’t done anything wrong. She just on this power trip no one is going to do anything or say anything because she has the power to say yes or no to if they get that check. Well there is someone over her and someone over them. I am one who will show her just because you think you have power don’t give you a right to treat people any way you feel like it. She better stop and think that if it wasn’t for these people who are disabled and get that check every month there would be no need for her job. Then where would she be? I think they need to pull more of her phone calls and see how many other people she is doing this way. I am sure that I am not the only one. I bet I am not the only one who has complained. Another reason she didn’t want to put that supervisor or the phone. She is probably already in trouble or being watched.

He also came up for a review at our local office just where you turn in your pay info every year and things. I went right to that meeting and got them everything they needed and am still sending them stuff and working with them. Why would I comply with them and then not comply with her. I have told the lady in the local office about this lady already so she even knows that we have had a problem from the start.

{May 20, 2014}   SSI Appointment

I got a lovely letter in the mail Friday informing me that I needed to be at their office bright and early this morning for a appointment for my son. I got us all ready and was trying to get the babies bottle ready and find papers I thought were in the folder. I heard the baby crying so I went to look for her. She was standing by her bed pointing to get in. I had to pick her up and take her to the truck instead. She got very upset. She was tired and wanted to go to bed. We got there and ended up having to wait for 20 minutes or more even though we got there before the doors open and we were first to be seen on the list of appointments. By the time we got back there she was well beyond unhappy. She started crying and fighting I had to stand up to try to hold her and keep her from getting down. The lady looked at me and said you want me to do you a huge favor. I was like yeah sure what is it. She gave me back all my papers and told me to take her home and let her go to bed. She said she was going to call me and do everything by phone. I told her I was sorry but that I don’t have a baby sitter and things. She said I should have called her and told her I didn’t have a sitter and that she could have changed it to a phone interview.

She said when I was there my case was a mess and that it was going to take a while. When she called me she said that they didn’t show where father of the year was staying with us or that I had even had the baby. I don’t know what all she has went through it and fixed a bunch of stuff and we fixed some. She is sending me a copy and helping me with his case because I told her it was up for review. I told her how rude the lady was and that she hadn’t really read the report and laughed at me about my son and things.

She even said autism don’t just go away and that she has seen them deny people that should have clearly gotten help. She told me that she handles all the appeals for this office and to just do what they have me do. She said if he gets denied to call her right a way and turn in the paper work for the appeal right a way. She said I have 60 days to do it but that if I do it with in the first 10 I will still get his check until they decide. If it goes past 10 then he won’t get anything till they decide again.

Like I told her he is doing good in school but he is in a school that is for kids like him. The teacher can sit down and work more one on one with him and things. I have to talk to them at his school because the lady over the school told me he was on level and now I am finding out that he is a year behind. But that isn’t what she put on the report. She told them he was up to where he was supposed to be as well. I didn’t know this until the other day or I could have been working with him and helping him get on track better. So I maybe finding him a different school by next year as well. She has no reason to tell me that he is on grade leve if he isn’t. Only reason I could think of is because she is affraid I would take him out if he wasn’t. But I wouldn’t have. I like the school and thought they were doing good and keeping me informed. But I guesss not. I will look for somewhere new because I need to know what is going on with my kid and what he is and isn’t doing. I don’t like the fact I was lied to. What else are they covering up or lien about.

{February 28, 2013}   Just To Vent

I have been going around with SSI over getting my sons check put on the card they want everyone to have by tomorrow for days now. I have been hung up on 4 times or more and still haven’t gotten to talk to a person. I talked to one guy for about a 1 minute why he kept telling me why I didn’t need to be calling him but somewhere else when he hadn’t even pulled the case up to look at it. When I finally get him to pull it up the call gets dropped. I am sure he had something to do with it and he could have called me back but didn’t. They have called my back before with no problem. I have other stuff I have to be at the library to take care of and can’t walk around talking to them on the phone or waiting on them to call me back. Not happy at all.

Then I sit down at my computer just now and notice that there are now 3 keys missing off the key board. One has been missing forever when I was with RC something happen it came off. I have it. The other day my kids never touched it but when they walked a way one was off and I am sure they have no clue where the one that is missing now is either. I have only used this computer for maybe 2 years if that. it has sat put up so it was like new. now it looks like shit.

I have been having contractions off and on all day but on for longer than I really should be and not that long off. I probably should have went to the ER already but haven’t. I am starting to feel sick with them, if it keeps up I am going to have to go over there and get checked out I think. I don’t think it is anything but haven’t really done anything but sleep lay around and relax all day. Nothing that would make me be having them and feeling like this. I was having them some when I woke up this morning. She is kicking her feet all around too so she seems to be ok. I am supposed to be doing the taxes and things and really don’t feel like it. I don’t even have all the info I need to do it and I have only been asking for it for a week now. I need that money back asap so I know what I can and can’t do this year that I need and want to get done.

Still haven’t heard anymore from RC his phone is still off so I am thinking she made him get a new number. My friend said she seen him go by her house the other day in the work truck. don’t know if he came by mine or not i was sleeping and didn’t get the message til later. The more I think about everything and how it all happen the madder I get. I am debating on sending him a message on facebook or writing something out and leaving it on his truck at work or taking it up to him. I would really rather talk to him in person. We see him out here and there all the time picking up tows and things my friend always wants to turn around and go back but we haven’t. I know if he is getting a tow he don’t really have time to talk. She said tell him to meet us after he is done somewhere but I just don’t know. I don’t know what I would say or where to even start. Really I don’t know that I am ready to know what he would say. I can’t even explain how I feel about it all right now. I feel very low and very lonely sad mad angry I just don’t really know right now. I just want to sit down and talk and I want him to tell me the truth about how he really feels and what he really wants. I think he won’t do that I think he is embarraced of everything that happen everything that is happening and the mess he has gotten into and he feels bad over his daughter and the other kids that are involved. Like I said before. Because of that I think he would just try to pass it all off as everything is fine and he is happy. He won’t come out and say he is happy when we were talking he would tell me and my friend when he was talking to her how things were and what was going on and you could just tell by talking to him or reading what he put that things were bad and it was really taking a toll on him. I seen pictures of him a month or so before my friend had found online and I said then he looked horrible and that things weren’t going good. But like I said I don’t think he is going to be 100% upfront and honest about things no matter what because a few times we were talking and I said something about things he would say life is good or my life is good i’m happy. but the way he said it and the things we were talking about when he did said different. Even my friends husband said he tried to say the samething to him after telling him all kinds of stuff and that he could tell he was just trying to cover what was going on or make it seem not that bad or like he said something let something out he didn’t mean to.

Well I am going to go for now. I have a ton of other stuff to do and only 2 more hours to fight with SSI before they close. Hope that I get someone that knows what is going on and can fix it and they put his money on the card in the morning or I am in trouble. It is going to cost me $100 and get me in trouble if it isn’t there tomorrow. Thank god I get it it helps more than ever but it is so hard and frustrating when you have to deal with them.

et cetera
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