{February 3, 2020}   Not Home

I called Bff Saturday night she said she had to go get her leg checked for a blood clot it had been bothering her for days and was worse the last few hours. I said so you need me to take you to the hospital okay let me drop the kids off. We were just leaving the store after being out all day and headed home anyway.

I got them home left and called her. She said she was already on her way there. I told her I could meet her there but she said one of the kids was going with her. She may need me to come pick her up if they found something and kept her. I told her okay I was already out I was going over to JW’s house. Let me know if she needed something or me to come up there.

We were driving and talking I got to his house went and knocked on the door. No one answered. I knocked again the dog started barking. I notice the outside light was off. I said he isn’t home!!

I had just been messaging back and forth with him he was home just got a shower and things. He was talking about his back bothering him from stuff he did at work and all. He wasn’t talking like he was going anywhere and he normally tells me he is thinking about going here or there or going to. So I was confused how he was gone that fast.

We have this thing I send him little eyes looking around here and there. I drive by work or pull up send them. He calls me his stalker. He was the stalker to start with he would be at his friends over here by my house and send me messages I see you and stuff. Its just been a on going joke.

So about the time I am saying to her he isn’t home and noticing the light out my phone says I have a message. I pull it down to look at it and it is the eyes I normally send him. I look around thinking he is sitting back watching me. I figured he walked up to the little store seen my car when he rounded the corner. I don’t see him anywhere when I am looking up and down the street.

I said to her let me call you back. I need to call him. As I said it and hung up I thought he is at his friends house next to mine.

I called, he answered I asked him where he was? He said at his friends house. I laughed and said I’m sitting in your drive way. He said what? You’re at my house? I said yes. He said okay I will be there in about 10 minutes or so. I’m only going to be here about 5 minutes. I have to go in a minute pick something up. I said no it is okay just stay there hang out I will see you another time. He insisted no, he wasn’t staying there he was just there to pick something up he would be right back not to go anywhere.

I ran to the little store got a drink he messaged said he was home I wasn’t there. I told him I was at the store. I went back over and hung out for a while.

He said yep I got over there was like watch this, I’m do her like she does me. Then your car wasn’t there you call say your at my house.

We hung out and went over to the store. I wanted to look at some things and he needed to pick up some stuff. I went home around midnight. I felt bad for not staying home with the kids and Little Bitty but I was going to go with her to the hospital and they were already drinking their milkshakes and going to bed. I figured I would run over there for a little bit. It was already 9 or after.

I don’t know what to do or how to handle things, I am so exhausted. Trying to work, be there for the kids, do everything I need to do and still make time for him and see him or us to have time together. I was already exhausted before he came in the picture, it isn’t his fault. He keeps telling me that things will get better, things will be different once I get moved and when he moves in. He will be able to help or will help more. Help take care of the house and kids. I won’t have to work two jobs and things. I just don’t know. I am not looking for him to move in anytime soon. He is looking at moving soon a lot sooner than I am ready for. He said something the other day about May if he was with me. Meaning staying with me. I just said yeah I think that is going to be a little to soon. He said I told you when you are ready.

When I move I am not putting him on the lease, I am looking for something that I can afford and handle on my own because this is to new and no matter when he moves in it could always end and I could be right back to doing it on my own and have to do it until we decide it is okay for him to move in.

{March 8, 2019}   Haven’t Heard From……

Sailor boy since he messaged me the other week and Sleeping Beauty messaged him saying not to text me anymore I was with someone. It has been almost two weeks I guess. This Sunday will be two weeks. He didn’t show up Wednesday night when we went so maybe he is just gone. I don’t know. I am not really worried about it as much as I was. I feel like I can relax now and not stress that if he was going to do anything he would of by now. My friend said she was going to let me know if she seen him in there as well. We had been talking about trying it out on Sunday so I figured he may go then to see if we showed up.

I just don’t like the not knowing what to expect, when I seen the charges it did freak me out because I have the kids to think of for most out of everything. If something happen at my house or if something was to happen to me. He don’t seem like the type that would do that but shit he did at one time or another, well more than one time already so you can’t be to careful. I feel better about it all now that he hasn’t contacted me again. I would think if he was going to or mad he would of said something. Maybe he has learned and grown and that is in the past. But still with those charges I can’t have him around. Had the sex and stalking not been there I may have been okay with just being friends and talking business and things. But I can’t even do that with the charges he has.

I told bff the other day he is that one person that I have been waiting to come along that could help me with business stuff and get one open and doing good. But he has those charges and I can’t have him around. Like I told her even if it was everything else with the stalking it scares me to much to have him around. Other than that I could keep it on a business level and keep my kids out of the picture but, the stalking if he decides to flip for whatever reason one day it could end up at my house or if I had a business there and then what if my kids were there. Even if they weren’t again if something happens to me what are they going to do where would they end up. I will just have to wait and hope to figure it out on my own or that someone else will come along that is willing to help that knows what they are doing.

{February 22, 2019}   Talked to My Boss

I had somethings to take care of this morning so I did that and messaged my bosses and asked them what time they would be at the shop this morning. The one messaged me back and said about 9:15. I told okay. Later he messaged and asked if something needed done first thing this morning before they went out? I told him no I just wanted or needed to talk to them. He said okay.

I got here just before that and came in was waiting on them to get here. I tried the computer it was shut down and off. I tried to turn it on it wouldn’t come on, it just beeped at me and a blank screen. I thought oh great he really can hack this stuff and what did he do? because only me and the one boss was here yesterday and he left shortly before I did and we never ever turn the computers off. We leave them on. I thought maybe he came back and was doing something and shut it down for something or did something.

He came in a little after 9:30, he was like oh wow your hear early. I said yeah I wanted to talk to you. We had just been talking yesterday about how you can hide apps to track people and things like that on the phones. He was saying he put one on his sons phone so that if something happen he could find him even if his gps and things were off. Then hid it so someone couldn’t turn it off.

I said you know we were talking about this yesterday, I said can you tell if there is something on my phone to track me or listen to my calls and see my messages or what I do on my phone? He said yeah, I said will you? He said yeah, yeah let me see I can check it. I gave it to him. He was standing here by me at the desk going through it and checking it out. I said I kind of got myself in a situation and I am not sure how to handle it or get out of it. I said I don’t think my phone was left to have anything put on it and most the time I have it locked but I had the lock off and I went to the bathroom and things I may have left it just laying there on the table.

After that is when I told him I kind of got myself into a situation and wasn’t sure how to handle it or get out of it. He kind of looked up from the phone and looked at me like what the hell is going on. I said Saturday I went to the village after work to the concert. I was supposed to go with a group of friends they backed out so I went by myself. I said this guy was there with some friends and things and came over and started talking to me. I said he seemed okay I talked to him we have been talking the last week. I told him how we all go to Applebee’s Wednesday when I get off my other job and that he went with us. I said but other than that we have just messaged or talked. I said but there was just something about him that I couldn’t figure out or read whatever you want to say. I said my friends think he is great and he this nice guy I should give him an chance. I said but I don’t know him we were just talking. I said a few things he said just seemed kind of off to me I was sitting at my other job last night after I left here and decided to just look him up and see what it showed. I wasn’t ready for what it showed at all. I told him and he was like oh wow.

I said now I don’t know if he has put something on my phone maybe, or how to handle it and get away from him, he knows where I work and things. He said well today is your last day here by yourself we will be here all next week. He said just kind of lay low don’t say to much until later. He said that way if he gets mad and wants to come here and start we will be here. He said if he comes here and starts I will whip his ass. If he wants to come her start or get nasty with you. He said you don’t need that around your kids, you don’t need it around you. I said I know I was floored when I seen it. I said he started talking I was just nice and talk. He said yeah don’t worry about it he won’t start here I will take care of it. I said I’m not scared of him but I don’t want to be dumb or stupid about it either. I want to be prepared in case.

I said I don’t know how to get rid of him, just ignore him he will go away, confront him, tell him I am seeing someone else? What is going to be better, what would be worse. He said yeah I don’t know that is hard not knowing what will set him off or what. He said said maybe just ignore him for now see if he leaves you a lone if he don’t then when we are here next week tell him you are seeing someone else. He said you never told him you two were going to get together or be together or something like that did you or make him think that? I said no, no not at all, I said he has hinted around at it and I just say I don’t know or nothing or what. I said but he wants more. I said we don’t even know each other for me to know if I would want more with him or not even if I hadn’t found this and everything was fine. He said yeah just play it off back off from him and see how it goes then if you have to tell him something do it and see what happens from there. I think that is probably the best idea.

I told Pops when he came in, I said so the guy I met I told you I didn’t know what to think about and I thought he might be full of shit. I said he is and told him he was like omg. I said I know. He said you can’t be around that now you have to worry about that. I said I know. He came in my office when I came back in here a little bit ago he said I have a stun gun in my car, if I leave here today I am going to give it to you to keep in your desk or on you just in case anything happens or you need it. I said okay. The boss said all that is recorded so if he comes up here and starts with you, you need it you have that too. He be stupid to come start he knows it is recorded but hell people do stupid shit all the time that is recorded.

I told my boss too he told me he was on disability at one point. He said he was in an accident I figured it was from that he said he forgot things and stuff like that. I said he was long term committed and that takes a lot. The way he talked I didn’t think he was still on it but then Wednesday he was waiting for a money to hit the bank. I said he still on it he getting a crazy check not because of the accident. My boss laughed he said yeah your probably right. I said I think so.

About the time it says he was long term committed is about the time he says he was out in the other state and setting up and doing all these businesses for friends out there and then Sailing all over the last few years. I said he was probably away. Some of these charges these people had injunctions against him for years and then he violated them so it didn’t just happen and then he went away and left them alone. This is just really messed up and not cool.

After not hearing from him since 530 last night he messaged me about 10 this morning. He wanted to know what the deal was. He has made a few comments about coming over and things. I tell him no and I have the kids and things. He says he isn’t scared. I finally said yesterday okay here is the deal……But then wasn’t able to finish talking to him. So this morning he was like what is the deal????

I wanted to say well yesterday there was one but things have changed here is the new deal. I looked you up and I know all about your past and you say you beat this or that or what but that means nothing and there are all these that you didn’t beat that are worse than the ones you did. So I know all about you I can’t have you around. But I didn’t, I figured I should just do like my boss said and keep things alright get through the day back off slowly and if I have to say something say something later or in a few days. I don’t want him to come up here and start but if he is going to it wouldn’t be good if he did today with just me and Pops here or with Pops here. I rather be here alone than Pops being here if the guys weren’t going to be here. It is so crazy how people can be so different than what they let on to be. He seems like a nice, funny, decent guy then you look him up and see all this.

I am sorry I shouldn’t say he is crazy or crazy check or whatever. I know mental illness is a real thing god knows I know and have dealt with it enough myself. I don’t mean it in a bad way at all. There is nothing wrong with getting it if you have mental illness and truly need it can get it that is great. I am just I don’t know my mind is going 90 miles a minute trying to figure it all out and the fact he just acts like he has nothing done nothing and knows that all he is telling us is probably 99% lies and he just laughs when I would say he was so sure of himself and so full of it and things. If you have something wrong if you did something be upfront about it, don’t lie or try to hide it. Yeah we just started talking and things, but when you are asked what will I find on you if I look you up don’t lie and say traffic and a few things but nothing big and I beat them. Not when you have 20 pages of stuff against you. If you been committed or something and you know it is there you may want to explain that before someone just see’s it. I don’t know like I said I feel he is just trying to get over on people. That he is just running a game and when it starts to fall through he then flips. I don’t know if he don’t know what he is doing then why is he free to walk around on his own why is he not being taken care of or committed. I don’t know what I think other than why me? Why can’t I really meet someone decent? What am I being punished for? Is this one really going to try something or do something if I stop talking to him? If so when and what? How long do I have to wait watch and look over my shoulder and things?

I also had the thought and told my friend he has lived all around me here where I grew up, by my house me and ex had and this house I am in now. He even lived not that far from me when I lived up the road a little piece. Maybe he has been my stalker that I have had for years. That just creeps me out a little. I have always said I probably talked to this person whoever it is because I worked at the stores and things so they can come in buy stuff come through my line or come up and ask me where things are or whatever like any other customer and I would never know. They are laughing the whole time because they are and I don’t know. If this is him now we have talked hung out together and everything else he has hugged me and all. That just makes me feel really sick thinking about it and if it was he has just taken things to a new level. What could or will he do next? I know now I sound crazy and far fetched but who knows. Knowing he lived right down the street or around the corner all these different places when this was going on. I have to stop thinking about it all I tell myself no and forget it. It is just here now and to just worry about that but I don’t know what to think about it all anymore.

Why do I feel so stupid and so embarrassed about it all? I didn’t do anything I was standing in a field at a concert and talked to someone. What am I supposed to do just look at the ground everywhere I go and not talk to anyone? It isn’t like I am going out let me see how messed up of a person I can find or some one with the worst past I can to talk to and be friends with. I just end up with these people I don’t know.

{November 22, 2018}   A Little Creepy

Tuesday night I went to bed late, I was extremely sore, tired and just didn’t feel good. Mr. To Broken messaged me and said he needed to talk to me. I ask what was up. He tried to call me on messenger. I did not answer he knows I do not use it to talk at all if he wants to call me he needs to call my phone right. I ask again what was up? He said he wanted to talk to me could he call? I said yeah.

He called my phone started telling me how much he loves me all this. He sounded way better than I have ever heard him sound before. He tells me he has this idea I should come and bring the kids over Friday night. Have a fire grill and all that. The kids can run and play all night until they drop. And we (me & him) can go to bed and crash. Just relax and enjoy the night. It would be fun for the kids.

I do not know why he thought I would go along with this. He knows how I am and that I don’t bring my kids around guys and things. To think I am just going to come bring them over there and in the end go to bed with him! I have made it very clear I am mot interested in him at all in anyway shape or form for any reason at all.

What did he think he would get me over there and then do what he wanted? I go along with it because the kids were there or he pull something because they were there try make me do what he wanted.

I just got a very weird feeling about it all. He just seemed into good of a mood and everything. Very not good feeling about it. Of course I told him no there was never a question about it there is no way i ever think of doing it. Creepy stalker kind of thing if you ask me.

{June 4, 2018}   Therapy

When I left the water department I walked across the street to see if I could get an appointment to see my therapist this week. I haven’t been in a few weeks or so. The lady said she had something at 2 and it was after 130 so I told her I would just wait. I have never been able to get in the same day even before when I really needed to.

She asked me how things were going? I told her and that I just came from acrosd the street and what was going on. She pulled out a slip of paper there and started asking about places. I told her I called what they had said or that I couldn’t get anything but leave a message and things. She asked if I wanted her to try a few places. I told her sire if she could get me help or in to talk to someone faster or what. Because a lot of times if someone like that calls on your behalf they will help you more than if you just call or walk in.

She called I don’t know how many places and got no where like me. She was like wow I have never seen somewhere that it was so hard to get help when you try. She said its not like your asking them to pay all your bills or nothing your needing help one time to get through the month with one bill. You can make it on your own things are turning around. I said I know this is how it is. That is why when people say go here pr there and let them help I always just figure out make it happen but right now I can’t this time.

I told her how Mr. To Broken tried to go pay it and they wouldn’t let him. She asked if I could just borrow the money from him pay it back in a few payments like i was going to the water company. I told her I think I made him mad and that it would come with some big strings attached and that he been very pushy about us being together and mad when I say no amd how he tried to say we are basically together already and things. How I told him I am interested in someone else and had feelings for someone else amd everything and he still pushing.

She said oh oh um yeah that is not right, he has problems that is not normal. She said I think I would rather do without water. But you are not going to get rid of him that easy. Because I told her what happen last night (more on that in a bit) how he hasn’t talk to me since.

Not sure what I am going to do or how I am going to get it paid. I can’t do without water.

{June 1, 2018}   Mr. To Broken

Was messaging my friend when we were out with the kids last night and then started calling me. He calls through facebook all the time I don’t answer. I have told him over and over I do not amswer on there it is hard to hear and breaks up to much. Only time I answer on there is when I know someone don’t have a phone. He started calling me on there anymore I just hit no and forget it.

He started calling me on the phone then so I answered see what he wanted. We talked for a bit and then he said something about being ready. I said for what? He said Saturday was his birthday and to go out. I told him no I had to work, I just picked up an extra day at work for the Summer and if I got out on time I was going to do pizzas. He said something about going out I said I can’t I have to work and make money I have bills do I am not turning down any hours that they offer. He got mad I could tell.

I ask him didn’t he have the kids the weekend he always does. He said yes but his parents said it was his 40th they would watch them to go have fun. I told him go out have fun with friends he said no one wants to be bothered with him he thought we do something. I don’t know what gave him that idea at all. I finally said I had to go it was to loud and I was doing things with the kids. He started his I’m sorry blah blah stuff. I said yep okay talk to you later. I think I am going to just stop talking to him at all he reads way to much into every thing. From talking all the time to me asking how his day is or asking how he is or whats going on. And the getting mad or all upset because I don’t like him its just not good. He seems to be getting worse about it and more pushy with it.

Other guys I talk to are friends with and even some I have been interested in have said things about wanting to date wanting to be more or what but they are not like him. I say something back jokingly or we will talk about it or I will just tell them I am not interested and we go on as friends no problems. We will joke once in a while or something but no one is pushy or gets mad like he does.

I don’t like it and he knows what he is doing because of things he has said. Like the other night he said if I am bothering you or something like that just say so. Talking about always talking about going out or being together. Well I shouldn’t have to tell you because I already have told you over and over I am not interested, I have told you I am not looking at this time and that if I was I have feeling for someone else that is more than just interested in or liking. If that don’t say it then how is me telling you anything else going to change that? If he cared then he 1. Would not keep on and 2 would not get so mad when I keep saying no and refusing to go places with him. Just the way he has been the last few times and the one time when he came to my house I am starting to think it is going to be best to cut contact with him. If I don’t just tell him what all is wrong with him. That will probably make him mad enough to stop talking to me or make him hound me more trying to change and be someone I am interested in. He just is someone I never will be interested in. I been around his type to much I know how he is.

I have had the thought a few times he may not leave me alone either and may get nasty if I try to stop talking to him. It might get worse he is the obsessive type. If it gets to that point that he won’t leave me a lone after telling him I will get one of my friends involved. If I have to say something to my Good Friend and let him say something to him or if I say something to Starfish and let him say something to him. After that I will go to the police if it don’t stop. But I know either of them would say something if it came down to it and I told them about it and ask them to. Good Friend said I should of told him what was going on with Starfish when all that went down and he would of taken care of it. But I didn’t need him to and I told him that. Told him if I had needed him I would of told him. Starfish wanted to come to my job I had started when we first started talking and tell the one boss there to leave me alone and when I said something about a stalker before he messaged me right away asking if I was okay everything. We hadn’t talked for a month or more then.

Mr. To Broken I am not scared of for say but I do not really know him very well or enough and he is about 3x my size. Most guys I know better have spent time with them and things. I kind of know what to expect from them if they are mad and things. Unless I had a gun I wouldn’t stand much of a chance if he tried something was able to get a hold of me. He is 6’6 and well over 200lbs. He made comments about my size and how big he was and things before. It would be one hell of a fight. He just don’t seem stable that is the part that bothers me the most in it all. The way he gets so mad the way he tries to act like he is always doing something for me or trying to. The more I think about it and right the more things just really do not seem right putting everything together. I really thinking I am going to back way off on talking to him. Even just as friends. You know they say listen to that gut feeling. I keep telling my bff there just something about him besides the things I have said that bother me about him. But I can’t figure it out. But thinking about different things he has said and done and things he is stalkerish and obsessive. I don’t like it. I am going to talk to my bff tomorrow about it. She says he stop talking to her since he been talking to me.

{November 5, 2017}   Don’t Want to Be Your Friend

This morning I wake up to messages from a lady that I have been ignoring for years. Yes you read that right years I have been ignoring and avoiding her. I do not reply or even act like I know she messaged me and if I see her in the store I go to the other side of the store and do not let her see me there. I do not want to get stuck talking to her or explaining myself in why I do not want anything to with her or her on my page. You know how they say if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all? Well I have nothing nice to say to her at all and it would not turn out very well.

It is not even like I was ever close with this women or her family at all. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we have really even spoke to each other. I met her years ago when me and father of the year first got together at a church we started going to. Her sons went there and her daughter and grand daughter as well. The one son seemed okay and we talked to him and things. The other son that had the wife and little girl I never cared for from the first time I met him. I talked to the wife some and always talked to the little girl played with her and she played with the kids. She was really little at that time a few years old. I told Father of the Year when I met him that I bet he was controlling and abusive to his wife. Sure enough it wasn’t long that it came out that he was. Then one day I got a phone call from the wife I thought was odd because we didn’t hang out, outside of church or anything like that. I had never talk to her outside of church but maybe once or twice. I wasn’t home and there was no message. Later I found out that dcf had been to her house and taken the little girl away. They were looking for someone to take her in. I was never contacted about it again after that one phone call and stayed out of it.

Well she was in state care for a couple at least a couple years. It came out the dad had been doing things to the little girl and abusing her when the mom was at work. The brother of this guy had gotten with a close friend of the families daughter and they were together and she use to take her and take care of her and do things with her all the time and she told the girls mother one night when she was at there house.

Later the brother that married into the our friends family ended up getting a divorce and later going to jail for being with a girl that was 16 and he was almost 30. So now both boys have been in trouble for this and with two different people one being his own kid and at one time it was rumored that the brother may have been in on it with the daughter as well.

The mother of the boys still has them in her home living, still does everything for them and even has kids at her house around them knowing all this and see’s nothing wrong with him going out with women with kids. Despite what he done to his own child. Lets them live with her as well. I am sorry if that was my child they would be cut off and on their own. Everyone screws up and does stupid shit or what. People should get a second chance, but when it comes to doing things like that and hurting children no you do not get a second chance at hurting a child and you are not thought of the same again.

Over the years I have become closer to and pretty good friends with the ones daughter and her mother. We talk all the time and I have had her stay at my house or come after school and stay until her mom can pick her up come to birthday and holiday parts. For all of these reasons I do not want anything to do with this women or her sons and find it very odd that she keeps contacting me and trying to get me to talk to her and be friends with her when she really don’t know me and we have not seen each other in years or talked. We don’t even go to church together anymore. I am not going to go be friends with them both and I would not do that to this little girl and her mother because even though the mom has had her ups and downs she has been through a lot and really is a good person and has done a lot for her and her daughter to improve their lives. Either way I do not mess with or have people like that around me or my kids.

I posted something on my facebook about why do you keep wasting your time trying to talk to me for years when I never talk to you or answer you and tagged it stalker. Few hours later I get a text from Sleeping Beauty asking if I was okay? I told him yes why? I had no idea why he would be asking that when I have not talked to him in weeks, maybe a month almost. He said what is that about a stalker or your stalker problem? I told him what I was talking about and how this is what her kids did and things. He thought it was crazy too.

{March 26, 2017}   Back Today

Today we finally did something for my oldest birthday. We are really late doing it and I feel horrible but I tried to do something sooner and was going to surprise her with a sleepover with her two friends but they could never get a free weekend to come. They both do dance and the other is in plays, chores and a bunch of other stuff. Their weekends and weeknights until Summer are slammed full. Then we were all sick for so long. Today we went down south and had lunch at her favorite place to eat. Father of the year and my sister and her kids went. My mom was supposed to come with father of the but she decided she didn’t feel good and didn’t want to go that far just to eat. We were going to go years past and she always complain until we done it closer to home. Today I just told her we were going. It wasn’t like we go all the time and she been wanting to go. She said she knew she just didn’t feel like going. I said that’s fine. Less stress for me I was thinking the whole time, I been stressing over seeing her and dealing with her. Anyway we went to the store ran home got ready and left here around 1230.

I meant to do a couple things to the house just to see if anything was messed with or what but I forgot to I was running late the store didn’t bag part of the stuff I had to go back there before I could turn around go the other direction to where we were supposed to be going. I had already given her, her gift but the kids wanted to get her something so I gave each some money and let them shop while I grabbed the things I need. Boy my mom would have a heart attack over that if she knew. I let my 6 and 11 year old go shop on their own. Anyway Big boy picked out a nice choker necklace thing and my little guy picked out a pair of sunglasses. Little Bitty wanted to pick something out so when I was done I gave oldest the buggy and my bankcard so she could checkout why I helped her find something and help the boys pay for theirs. Little Bitty picked out owl necklaces one says best and the other says friend. I told her they are for your best friend you give one to your best friend and keep one maybe we should get something else. She said sissy is my best friend I want these. So that is what she got. I think oldest was a little disappointed but liked it all the same. I know the choker thing is a little big but it is pretty it would look nice with a back or blue shirt and her jeans and boots. If she just wears it a few times he will be thrilled he took his time to really look and find something nice. She did ask him if she could trade it for something else he said what you don’t like it? She said yeah but maybe I would like something else a little more. He said well you don’t like it that is fine you can get something else I thought it was nice. She said no I like it I will keep it. He don’t understand he really does take time and try to pick out something nice for the money he has and the person he is getting it for. He told her he thought it would look pretty on her. She couldn’t say anything else she looked like she might cry. I think she thinks they just grab the first thing they see sometimes but I know they don’t. He is my aspie so he don’t understand if someone likes it but it just isn’t for them or likes something better. If they don’t like it it hurts his feelings. He feels it is against him not that it just isn’t your taste or what. I try to help him understand but it is a work in progress.

After we left from eating my sister decided to ride back with me so we could go across the street and look around at the store. Then she drove us back to her place that was so nice because I didn’t feel like driving. I have drove a lot lately and I just wanted to ride for a change. Then me and the kids came home. There is something all over the winshield of the truck horrible to see out of. I told the kids to get everything cleaned out of the truck and sent one in to get soap to wash the window. He took the key went to go in, he hardly opened the door came out and said the dog is out of her cage. She is at the door I can’t get in she is pushing out. I went got in and moved her so he could go in. Sure enough the other dog was still in the cage. again I know that both were in there because anytime we go somewhere the door is opened and it takes a few minutes for everyone to get the last minute whatever and get in the truck they go back and forth. Again she would have bolted. They are so bad about running that we do not even answer the door without putting them in the cage first. And we have been doing this for three years with the two of them and have never ever had this happen. Now two days two days apart. I am really starting not to like this because they seem to be getting bolder to me. I do not know if they did anything else or not because I do not know how things were left today. I was in to much of a hurry and to pissed off from dealing with Little Bitty and the store that I just got everyone out and in the truck and left. I didn’t really check lights and things. The toilet wasn’t running and there was a towel and clothes sitting on it and they were still there. Other than that I don’t know what doors were open or closed what lights were off or on nothing. I know the air was up but it still was. I do know without a doubt that both dogs were in that cage.

Like to just let me know hey how you doing, I was back again today and hung out with your dog. She is getting really use to me. Maybe not what they are thinking but what it seems to me. I don’t like it I am going to be going to a range and practice with my handgun and then go to get my concealed carry. Then to buy a holster and things for it. I have wanted to for years just never did but this is going to a new level it seems. If they are going to step it up a level then I need to as well. My kids safty comes first and I am not putting my kids safety on pepper spray or stun gun. I had pepper spray when I use to work nights and walk to and from. One time I tried it in to see how it sprayed and it was a little stream I would have been gone if someone tried to grab me because I could have never gotten close to their face. Who is to say how long a can will work right or may have something happen. Plus other factors that go into using it. Stun gun unless your able to hold it on them really don’t do anything but make them madder and even if you can it don’t mean it will work. If I am close enough to hit them with it and or hold it on them I am close enough they can take it from me and grab me. With a gun I can get them before they get close enough to grab me and know that if I get good enough shot I can most likely stop them from getting close to me. I am calling around Monday to see where I can go practice how much it is and things like that. Then the gun show should be back soon and I can go there to get the class to carry. Then just do my fingure prints and background check. I am not worried about that because I can pass anyone they want to put me through.

I have bullets here for the gun two different kinds, one to practice with and ones to use when I carry. I am not even telling the kids or anyone else I am carrying so no one can start about that and no one can say anything to anyone else. No one needs to know the less that know the better.

Today I dropped the little kids off at school and went to school with the big kids and spent the day. When we left there we went to therapy, the chickens and then to pick the little kids back up. They had fundraiser where one of the places brought food and sold and they get part of the money. I wasn’t going to do it but the kids talked me into it since I haven’t done any of the fundraisers this year. They had a bike a thon last Friday but they didn’t go. We are going to a dinner thing at the big kids school in a couple weeks. Well I thought I had picked up money I had put up at home before I left this morning but when I checked my pocket I hadn’t. So we got the little kids came home to get the money to go back and get dinner.

Today I knew I was going to be at the big kids school with them all day so I gave them keys to the truck told them to get in I would be there in a minute. They open the door, went out and left it open. We do this every morning whoever is first out leave door open last one out closets it. I always lock it on my way out so when they close it I know it is locked if I am not last one out. I have my light bill down less than $100 and money is tight so I been trying to keep things not being used turned off. I had my oldest turn the air up to 80 when she was standing in the hall talking to me before she went to the truck. She went out I turned off my light turned off the bathroom light and check to make sure the toilet wasn’t running because it is messed up. I came out open the boys room turned off their light and then checked the girls room. I checked the back door to make sure it was locked and went to go into the living room. I seen the one dog laying on the other in the cage I was hot, I said it is muggy in here I am going to turn the air down(yes I talk to the dogs). That way when it started getting warmer they wouldn’t get to warm. I went back down the hall closed my bedroom door so I could get to the control for the air because my bedroom door opens out into the hall instead of into the room. This the air control is behind it when it is open. I closed the door turned it down and left.

I left the kids in the truck so that I could just run in get the money and go to the bathroom. I open the door and started through the house. I got across the living room and my big dog came running from down the hall to meet me. I ran and shut the door because if the door is open she will run right out it. I almost didn’t beat her to the door. Then I looked for the other dog because she didn’t come running with her and she was still in the cage. That was the first thought I had when she ran over and met me from down the hall was how did you get out of the cage. We have two dogs they share a cage and the only time one is in it without the other is when we are home and one gets into trouble. We can not open the front door with them out or they will bolt and have to be chased down. They will run 6 blocks away and back and forth, no fun. At night we put a load of wash in the washer then when the kids get up in the morning they give dogs water, walk them and then put them in the cage so they can go to the laundry room and truck without them getting away. They stay in the cage until I get back from taking them to school and let them out. Before I leave they go back in the cage so they don’t bolt when I try to leave or when we are all trying to come in the house. Not only was the dog out of her cage, but my bedroom door was open, my light and fan was on, the bathroom light in my room was on and the toilet was running.

I have looked all over and can not find anything that is missing from the house, my tv, computers, money everything is still here. I ask the girl across from me if she seen anyone at my house today she said she was gone all day too. She just got home not long before we did. She ask me could one of your dogs just gotten out of the cage but not the other? Really one got out held the other one there to keep her in and locked it back up. And my 60 lb one got out but my 20 lb one couldn’t have? There is nothing wrong with the cage at all checked it over. But the dog had used the bathroom on herself and had it all over the cage and floor. I find that odd too because they both had and they normally don’t do that. I wonder if someone gave them something to them that would make them poop like that.

I went got the kids food and to take my friend to the store like I told her I would. She kept saying it was Father of The Year I really didn’t think it was. I called him on the phone and ask him what he did today and if he had come to my house. He said no. I told him I was calling the police so if he had I needed to know he still said no and wanted to know why. He said that he slept until 11 something then ran my mom to places she had to go and just barely maid it to work on time. I believe him because where he works is to far from my house for him to have been at work when I was talking to him if he had been to my house and then went. He knows if he says he was with my mom he had better been because I will call her and ask her if I think he is lying to me and she will tell me. He knows if I call the police the first thing they going to say is your ex where is he where has he been and they could call my mom and his job to see where he was all day. I know they will because they done it before when something happen at my house growing up. They wanted to know where my step dad was went to his house and got him out of bed to lay eyes on him to make sure it couldn’t have been him.

I didn’t call the police, I have nothing missing and can’t prove who it was or why. If I call they will be like why are you calling us if there is nothing missing and no sign of a break in. But there has never been a break in when whoever this is comes in my house, they come in the door and go back out the door. I have come home many times over the years and someone has been in my house. A lot when I had my house we were buying and me and the kids were staying there alone. I had someone setting off my alarms, letting my dog lose off her chain and they even hit her. I called the police they do nothing no way to know who done it call us if you catch them. But I would go in the house then and I could smell cigurate smoke all through my house where they had walked around my house inside smoking. I did not smoke no one who came to my house smoked. Other times I would come in and the house would smell like oil. If you live with or know a mechanic you know the smell I am talking about it is not a smell you just get easy or pick up randomly. It is a smell you get from being under a car or under the hood all day working. It’s a greasy oily smell. It be all through my house, it wasn’t like the air was pulling it in because you would not smell it outside at all not even a hint but once you walked in it would hit you like a cloud. Back then I hardly ever ran my air only at night when we were sleeping. Other times it would smell like aftershave. The same thing nothing missing just like wanting to let you know they were there. Today is the first time they were so bold and did things like turn lights on use the bathroom let the dog out of the cage. I find it funny still they let one out not the other. But the one they didn’t let out is the one I have only had a year or two since I moved in this house, she is the hyper one that will not stay off of you and jumps all over you. She is a puppy still and just wants to play. Not sure how she wold react if someone came in the house with no one home like today. The big one they did let out is the one that I have had since she was 6 weeks old, she is 10 years old now. She is the one that they hit, she is the one that they use to let lose off the chain the morning after my alarms were set off, she is the one that I could lay there and hear them outside talking to her. So if it is the same person or people she knows them and is use to them and/or scared of them.

I kept thinking all evening why let the dog out risk her maybe still doing something even if she knows you? Why let her out and be bothered with her at all? Why not just leave her in the cage like the other one and do whatever you came in to do. I it hit me tonight sitting here they let her out and left her out so I knew that she been out and that someone had been in here. I think they left her out to say look I was in your house, I had your dog out and done whatever I wanted to do and she did nothing, I can come in your house and your dog isn’t going to do anything. I do think if they came in and we were here she put up a fight just because of the way I seen her act toward people I let in the house she did not want here and because of the way she has acted toward others she knew when kids were involved. She don’t play when kids are around and someone does something or she don’t like someone. I have seen her get bad I told the people to leave because even with her in her cage I didn’t feel it was safe for them because of the way she was acting. she was trying to get out. I didn’t like them want them here anyway so that gave me reason to get them out and to tell owners not to send them back to my house.

But anyway this worries me and then tonight I was sitting here on my bed messing around with my computer, Little Bitty came in got up here and wanted me to play music vedio of her song she likes Roar by Katy Perry. She likes the music and loves the animals and that she brushes their teeth and paints their nails. That is her to a T, she would do it if she could and not think twice about it. I turned it on for her and she stood up on my bed and started dancing. I looked over in the mirror and noticed the window behind me. The blind was open. I have the big blinds that have the wide slats not the little cheap ones you get for $10 or less at wal mart or a dollar store that are in most rentals. These are the fake wood I guess they call them where the slats are about as wide as your hand. Well the one in my room I picked up at a rummage sale. I got it up and found it was broke. You can’t open it the sting has been pulled out or cut off. I left it up because I needed something until I got something else. Here we are years later it is still there. It isn’t a problem because I never ever open blinds not even in the rest of the house. It helps keep the house cooler, I don’t like the gliar on the tv and my little ones run around in their underwear most times and I am in whatever gown or long shirt. I don’t even look out that blind because there are tresses in the way when you look out there. Night or day I get up go look out the bathroom window.

Anyway I turned and looked and it’s so high up on the blind I would have to be on my knees on the bed to even try and look out it. Il would be over my head if I stood up by the bed even. I know it wasn’t open before I left. I had the kids go around and check all the windows in the house and make sure they were locked and all the door were locked before we got ready to go to bed. I think they heard something and looked out to see if someone came up. My friend said she wonders if they were in here when I came home to get the money and go to the bathroom. Maybe went into one of the kids bedrooms because their doors are closed and I didn’t even go in there to see if anyone was in there. I didn’t think they were because the dog didn’t act funny I think she would have.

I am just so aggervated that this is happening and now they are getting so bold to make sure that I knew they were here. I just want to know how they knew where I was and how long I was going to be gone because today was way out of norm for me. Well I guess not way out of norm but still not like it is often or set up I go every week on this day or that. Randomly for different things I go. Sometimes the day sometimes field trips sometimes just because and it isn’t all day just part of the day. If I am not at school I am here or I am in and out and around past the house all day. But I did think of something else tonight too when talking to my friend. Lately we have been coming home and I have been getting on the kids for going to my bathroom and leaving the toilet run before we leave and leaving my room open. They keep saying I didn’t do it we weren’t in there. I keep saying one of you must have. I would’t even let them use it a couple days and got onto them for sneaking and using it because I come home find it running. Now I am wondering if it isn’t whoever was in there today. That would be one thing I would notice. I am so bad about it I am always checking it, I will come back to the bedroom and check it if I think of it. With what happen with the washer those few times and it sitting there dumping and dumping water tons at a time running the water bill up. I have been supper careful about the toilet because I know others said theirs had problems and it cost them a lot. I don’t have money to pay for water to just be flushed. I need to fix it but the guts in the tank need replaced I don’t have the money to get new one. When I do I forget. I am really starting to think it was whoever this was today not the kids. I am just wondering why the bold I was here I want to make sure you know it without a shadow of a doubt that I was here moves all of a sudden when I hadn’t thought anything had been going on for a while now. I have not had a lot of problems since I moved in this house just a few random times it was mostly the smoking in the house. Today was just different but I think it is the same person. I probably won’t sleep for days or be up at every little sound. Oh and I find it funny this happen with in days of the dogs getting up every night at 3 am having a fit about something outside. They use to always come between 2 and 4 mostly 2 and 3 but sometimes as late as 4 in the past. It’s also funny that the 16 my friend Wanda and her boyfriend was here and we were talking about someone messing around and how way back when the police sent us a letter advising us to move because they could not catch the person and they were worried about our safety. I am starting to think that things I think nothing off or pass of as one of the kids doing maybe I shouldn’t have and that maybe I have let my guard down because we have been doing good for so long. I just don’t know what to do. I keep saying I am going to get a camrea but then he stops paying and I don’t have the money and every time I don’t get it something happens I wish I had. I looked around there is a good set for around $250/$300 but now I need a wireless set because I have no one to put them in so I have to put them up myself and it has to be as easy as possible because I don’t think I can run a bunch of wire around. It would take a lot of wire and splicing and things. I am going to see what I can figure out.

I found out about a job I can probably walk in and get I hope to apply tomorrow if not then Monday after school. I will tell you more about that later because my shoulders and things are starting to hurt from the way I am sitting here and I have some things I need to do before it gets later. But it will be a little bit before I can save the money to get them. But late is better than never maybe.

{December 27, 2016}   Someone’s Out There

I am not sure what is going on I have been having people messing around my house for a while now. I do not know if it is the same thing that we had going on in the past Stalked, A Night I Won’t Forget, something different or if it is all related in some way.

I have noticed little things here and there like my laundry room door being open at night and hearing things outside. The dog will wake me up at night and be barking. I look around out the windows but I can’t see anyone. They hide I am sure they seen shadows in the house or hear the dogs barking.

Last night Little Bitty flooded the house, the bathroom and hall were swimming in water I had to use towels to clean it up. It was getting late I needed to stay up and wash them so they didn’t get nasty from sitting wet all night. I made her and Little Guy go to bed because he went in there and was part of the problem. Then me and the older kids sat down to play their Life game they got for Christmas. We set it up on the little kids table and sat in he living room to play. I have my blinds open about 6 inches so the dogs can look out and not mess them up or pull them off the wall. So sitting on the couch where I was I could see out into the yard the way I was sitting. We have our Christmas decorations up still, nothing much just some lights on the house a couple of them little deer and our manger we built with our people in it. Well the manger is about 4 feet from the house right in front of the window. It has about a dozen people animals in it and the people all light up. They are set on a timer. I don’t like them on all night they shine in my window and I see no point in the being on in the middle of the night when no one is really around to see them. So when I remember to turn them on in the evening I turn the timer to go off in 4 to 6 hours depending on what time I turn them on. I turn them on between 5 and 7 when I think of it and by midnight they go off.

Well last night about 20 minutes after we sat down I was sitting her looking out the window while the kids were taking their turns. The manger was right there but I was just kind of staring through it, like when your looking at something but your not your thinking about other stuff. All of a sudden the lights in the people came on. I told the kids someone is in the laundry room we got up and made sure the doors were locked and looked around. Of course we couldn’t see anything or find anything. I was texting my friend we text off and on all day and we had been talking. I text her and said someone is in my laundry room. As we were getting up and locking doors and things. So she would know if she couldn’t get me to find out why. She said call the police but they do nothing they come out look around and then say we don’t see anything. I told them before someone was in my room out there and doing something sounded like climbing on the washer or hitting it with something. They came out said we don’t see anyone or footprints and acted like I was just scared to be here and heard the wind blow. It wasn’t this went on for a few minutes why I was calling them and waiting on them to get here. I have two guns I am not scared because I will shoot if someone comes in my house or tries to come in my house with my kids here. But I want to know who it is and why they are singling us out and messing with us. I want it to stop they are scaring my kids. We sat here for a little bit longer and all of a sudden both dogs jumped up raising hell and trying to get out the front door. The one was jumping up and scratching at my door and everything else. This went on for a few minutes. I don’t have a window over there to look out just the peep hole and you can’t see a lot out of it. Its kind of high and where the door is compared to the side of the house it’s just not worth more than seeing if someone is at the door. I text my friend again and said they are right outside my door. She was scared I think more than I was. But I know if I call they don’t make a report and they don’t care. They told me when they were out there on my carport and in my laundry room last time there was no footprints. There isn’t going to be foot prints on concrete. The cop that came that time is the same cop that was at my accident Christmas day who did nothing and I knew he was on duty and this is his area so unless they tried to come in there was no point in calling. Now that he is mad about me calling his boss because he didn’t want to do his job it would be useless. If It had been later the other officer probably would have been on duty and he cares and tries to look around and see and drives around and looks.

They were out there a few minutes or more the dogs carried on and then stopped. We went on playing our game and I had to leave the towels and stuff to sit all night anyway because I couldn’t go back outside to the laundry room to take care of them with whoever that was out there. I have to go out the kitchen door into this area then into a door into the laundry room. When I open that door if someone is standing on carport they can push me back into the house and come in the house or if they wait until I walk in the laundry room they can step in right behind me and shut the door and I am stuck. Knowing that someone is out there and been in there and being here by myself with the kids I will not go out there.

We finished the game and went to bed since we couldn’t finish washing all the mess I needed to wash. It was after 230 in the morning and the lights were still on. There was no way if we turned them on at 5 something for 6 hours they would still be on. As soon as we turned everything off and went to our rooms the dog started freaking out again and refused to come to the bedroom where they sleep. She sat and watched out the window for a while. Finally about 20 or 30 minutes after we went to bed she calmed down and came to bed. I looked around out the windows but didn’t see anything.

This morning I woke up to the lady next to me asking if I seen anything or heard anything outside last night. I told her yes that there was someone out there messing around I was going to come out and talk to her. She was at the doctor with the kids so I went over after she got back. Someone got in her car and took $400 in cash. She forgot her purse in the car and her husband left it unlocked.

I wish I had the money to put up a camera so I could catch whoever it is messing around. Just to know who it is and put a stop to it. I want to know who it is more than anything and try to figure out if it has something to do with the past or what.

et cetera
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